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Always there

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Neal’s back was pressed against the wall. Craig was holding his wrist over his head and kissing him deeply. The ex con’s eyes were closed and he was softly moaning into the older man’s mouth. When Craig finally pulled back, letting Neal’s wrists go, the younger man was breathing heavily.

Craig was smiling softly and grabbed Neal’s hand to drag him to the bed. He pushed him down on the mattress and climbed above him, kissing his face and his neck. The younger man groaned as Craig opened his shirt, licked his chest and sucked his nipples.

His breath was softly over the white soft skin as Craig kissed himself down Neal’s stomach, while opening his jeans. Caffrey groaned loudly and pushed his hips up a bit, begging to be touched. But Craig just pullet his pants down and threw them on the flour. Then he pulled Neal’s shirt away, kissing him at the same time.

Neal was in a world of pleasure. He loved Craig’s kisses. They were soft and sweet, gently and kind. Never harsh or only lustful. He also loved it when he made love to him, he never just fucked him. Smiling happily Neal closed his eyes again and let Craig lead him.

This is what Neal liked, to let him take control, what he didn’t like is, when Craig saw his scars. All on both of his upper legs, thin straight lines on his skin. Some of them were already white, but there were also a lot of fresher wounds, screaming red and sore.

Neal didn’t like it when he saw them, but he liked it when Craig released that the fresh cuts were just one night before. Because then he would hold him tight all night, rubbing circles on his back and just makes him feel loved.

The younger man was shuddering a bit about the though what had happened the first time when Craig had found out about his cutting. This was just about five weeks after their meeting.


Neal was sitting on the flour only in his boxers with the knife in his hand. He was leaning against the wall and tried to stop shaking. The flour was already strained with blood and his leg was burning like it was on fire.

That’s when the door opened. Neal didn’t saw him first, but when he heard a gasped and a loud ‘DUMP’ he turned his head slowly. Some meters away from him, Craig was standing, mouth and eyes wide open. His green eyes were so wide in panic and fear they almost looked like they were going to pop out of his head.

It seems like he had bought some food and yet Neal felt even more worse again ‘cause it was all lying on the ground now. And he had caused this shock. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! It was their Friday night. Both were working the whole week and at this evening Craig would come to Junes and he would stay until Monday morning.

Neal was almost crying by now and he began to sob when the older man just turned around and left.


Neal didn’t want to remember this because tears were already welling up under his closed lids. He fought them down quickly not wanting them to interrupt. But Craig had already seen that something was not right. He laid a hand on Neal’s cheek, capturing it and brought his face close to his. The ex-con could feel the warm breath on his forehead.

“Hey sweets, come on, open your beautiful eyes for me, let me see them.” He said gently and kissed Neal.

The younger man’s eyes opened and he looked up at his softly smiling boyfriend.

“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly.

“N-nothing. Just keep going, please.” Neal said his voice shaking a little.

Craig knew that there was something off, but he also knew that Neal really wanted to continue. He would talk to him later.


Neal’s breath slowed down at some time, he maybe also stopped sweating. He was smiling happily while Craig was cleaning them and pulled the other man down as soon as he finished. Laughing deeply Craig kissed him. Neal shuddered. This laugh was just so sexy, he couldn’t help but felt turned on again.

But against his hope, the older man did nothing but the kissing and wrapping Neal into his arms after that, holding him thigh. Caffrey’s head was lying on his chest and Craig continued kissing his hair.

“So, ready to tell me what’s wrong?”

Neal eyes widened. He had completely forgotten about this. Shit! He bit his lower lip and tried to think about an excuse, because he knew Craig didn’t like to be remembered this day.


It was Sunday now and Neal was already a mess...more than usually. He hasn’t really moved but to his bed and laid there, numb and empty. He had had such weekends in the past and he had always managed to be able to stand up and go to work the next day, pretending nothing had happened.

But not this time. Neal couldn’t do this. He knew that he had known Craig just for a short time, but he loved him, he really did. And yet, Craig was gone. The con had cried himself to sleep every night, just to wake up crying, an hour later.

And he could feel new tears welling up behind closed lids, even if he had thought he didn’t have any more. The good thing on not having the strength to move, he couldn’t cut himself even further. If he had been able to stand up he would have cut so deep, that he wouldn’t survive.

The tears were finding their way done his cheek and he flinched, but not because of the tears. He tried to open his eyes and blinked a few times until he could see the face above him clearly. And Neal just wanted to close his eyes again, because he knew this had to be a dream. Craig couldn’t be here, he couldn’t be here and thumb his tears away.

“I’m so sorry.” the so not real Craig whispered and pulled him up into a hug.

It just felt so good and if he is going to be mad then he wanted to get mad like that. So he allowed Craig to smooth him, hold him and kiss him. Maybe he also kissed back.

He could feel the stronger man lift him up and carrying him to the bathroom. He stepped in the shower and laid Neal onto the ground. Neal could feel his pants pulled down and seconds later warm water running down his head and spine. Craig was cleaning his legs gently from the blood, without touching the wounds. His hair was rubbed too and his face was cleaned from the tears.

Neal was still thinking he imaged this, so he just leant towards him and tried to perform a kiss. It didn’t work how he wanted to. But then he felt warm soft lips on his own. He melted into the kiss and tried not to cry because it was so not real.

Some tears were still rolling down his cheeks, immediately they were thumbed away and Neal was kissed on his face and lips. So not real...


He had been woken up in the morning by the smell of bacon and egg. That was when he realised: Craig will never leave him, will never hurt him, will never betray him.

“Uhm...just some stuff, ya’ know?”

“No I don’t, tell me!” Craig was lying on his side, facing him, head supported by his elbow and smiling slightly.

“Uhm...just! I thought were we should eat tomorrow. You remember the Tai-Restaurant we were last month. This was sooo good. We really should go there again. Maybe we could go eating today instead of tomorrow. I mean, I’m hungry, you’re not? Know what let’s just do it. I can just go shower and then we could...”

His rambling was interrupted by a kiss. Craig was smiling down at him while Neal tried to catch his breath again cause the kisses are always so breathtaking.

“Is it something I should worry about...and answer honestly.” He warned him.

“No.” Caffrey answered immediately, because it was a long time ago and they were all cleared out.

“You sure?” Craig asked concerned, with raised eyebrows.

Neal just nodded and gave him a sweat kiss before smiling.

“Okay...but if there is anything tell me, understood?”

“Y-yes...” Neal answered breathless as he felt Craig kissing his way down his neck.

As much as he wanted this, but it was already late, he was sore and had to stand up tomorrow morning for work-both of them had to. So he pulled away and looked at Craig apologising. But-as always-his boyfriend understood him without words, pulled him down again, so his head was laying on the strong chest, warm, protective arms around his thin frame.

Smiling happily he went to sleep, wondering with what he has earned this.