I read this for the first time years ago. I still find it really fucking hilarious.
here's the mp3, click to stream, right click and save as to download (length: 00:18:19 | size: 16.7MB)
Music: Epitaph for my heart by the magnetic fields
hope you enjoy listening, and I also hope that this makes you laugh on bad days or in innapropriatly public places.