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Together All These Losers

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The gym used to have a name, but when your boss is always poking his head out and calling everyone 'losers' like some weird, affectionate moniker, well— There's not much Jensen can do in the marketing department. So Jensen rolls with it, much like everyone who works here does. He establishes #AnteUpLosers to promote the gym and to cultivate camaraderie among members. Jensen's singular point of satisfaction is that it's three times more active than Max's hulked out images of the U.S. flag and bodybuilders and his stupidly pompous slogan, "Don't just do it for yourself. Do it for America."

Like dude. Not cool. Not cool at all. Supported and brought to you by the fact that the Losers are all from a little bit of everywhere.

And because Jensen is a branding genius, #AnteUpLosers is a success.

Not that any of his buddies appreciate his skills to the full extent that they should. So like the good friend that he is, Jensen strolls into the staff lounge and announces, "I'm going to make us go viral on Tumblr."

Clay looks up from the papers spread out on the table in front of him, looks at Jensen, shrugs, but at least has the decency to say, "Good job. Now get back to work."

"You get back to work," Jensen shoots back.

Pooch smothers a laugh over by the sink as he rinses out his coffee mug. When Jensen walks past him, he bumps Jensen with an elbow. "Smooth man. Real smooth."

"The smoothest," Jensen agrees. "Now smile for the camera."


Jensen frowns at the photo on his phone screen and shakes his head. "Okay, don't look at the camera like a fish out of water and don't hold up your hand like that. I need these for Instagram and Twitter. Snapchat, too."

"Snap…?" Pooch shakes his head. "Why?"

"So we can show our members we're human!" Pooch stares at Jensen like he grew a second head. "We're showing them we like smoothies and healthy eating and chillin' in the staff lounge eating grain bars."

"No one here eats that shit," Pooch says.

"Because we haven't found a brand we want to endorse yet," Clay says from the table.

Jensen jams his thumb in Clay's direction. "Yeah. What the boss said."

Pooch looks at the ceiling and then shakes his head. "Nah, man. Go take photos of—" He waves a hand at the door. "Aisha or something."

Jensen outright snorts. "Yeah. If she doesn't dropkick me in the face."

Pooch actually laughs. Some friend he is. "At least you'd have an action shot."

"And I thought we were bros."

Pooch claps Jensen's shoulder. "Always, man. But now I gotta get back to work. Clay says the treadmill's down again."


When Jensen thinks of great photos and someone who won't murder him, the natural choice is Jolene. He peeks in on her dance class, and that right there is the definition of smooth.

All the ladies in the class are grinning from ear to ear, faces sweating as they move in perfect sync thanks to Jo's guidance. When they take a five-minute break, Jensen sneaks in, sliding right over to Jolene at the head of the class and presenting her with an ice-cold water bottle.

"Hey," Jensen says.

Jo greets him with a laugh but accepts the offering, twisting off the cap and drinking before she asks, "What's up, Jensen?"

He waves his phone. "Mind if I take a few photos?"

Jo arches an eyebrow. "For?"

"Instagram." Jensen shrugs. "Maybe Twitter and Snapchat. Possibly Facebook, Tumblr, you know. All the usual spots."

Jo nods, humming along as she drinks more of the water. "Of?"

Jensen gestures at Jo and then at the class. "You know." Jo continues drinking her water, and he adds, "Of you. Your class. That sort of thing. Action shots."

Jo glances over at the ladies, who are wiping the sweat from their brows, complimenting each other on their moves, laughing together. She turns and faces Jensen again. "You can take a photo of me—"

"Yes! Thank you, Jo—"

"—But if you want to take photos of my class, you have to ask them if they're okay with that."

Jensen deflates for a moment but then straightens and nods. "Okay, that's fair. Mind if I…?"

Jo nods and elegantly sweeps her arm, taking a step back. Jensen clears his throat. That gets absolutely no one's attention. He clears it a little more loudly, and that earns him a few curious stares.

"Um, excuse me. Ladies. Please. Your attention?"

Jo softly laughs and squeezes his shoulder as she steps forward. She claps her hands three successive times. "Ladies!"

"Thanks, Jo," Jensen murmurs, and then turns his sunny, winning smile to the crowd. "Hi! I'm Jensen, the social media guru, website administrator, and all around tech genius. You ladies look awesome busting those moves." Jensen busts one and gets a couple of laughs. "So would any of you mind if I take some photos of you for social media?"

The room falls silent, a few of the ladies looking at each other, some shifting.

Jo steps forward, squeezing Jensen's arm. "Can you give us a sec?"

Jensen blinks but then rapidly nods. "Yeah, sure, of course. Take all the time you need." He jams a thumb in the direction of the door as he walks backward. "I'll be right out there."

Jo nods and watches him take step after step. With a grin, Jensen finally turns, finds the door, and slips out. He fiddles with his phone while he waits, deciding to check the hashtag and some analytics and respond to a few comments about their holiday hours.


Jensen, deep in the zone, jumps so badly that he drops his phone. Jo's eyes are warm, but she somehow manages not to laugh at him as she retrieves it from the floor, placing it in his hand.

"You can come back in and take a few photos."

"Thanks, Jo."

When he steps back inside, he notices a few people are missing and understands why Jo asked him to leave.

Jo queues up the music and then counts down the group into another high-energy dance routine. Jensen wanders around the room, taking several amazing photos. When he's finished, he salutes Jo and shouts, "Thank you!"


Next on the list of 'won't murder him,' Jensen peeks in on Cougar's meditation class, and it … Okay, it looks boring.

Everyone's seated, eyes closed, legs crossed, lights dim — and Jensen's gonna have to figure out if the lighting will be too low or how bad the flash on his phone is gonna mess things up. Cougar's not even guiding anyone, because Cougs knows how to settle everyone into those deep silences. Even Jensen. It was eerie. They're all lucky Cougar doesn't use his powers for evil.

And as if summoned, Cougar opens one eye and zeroes in on Jensen, who immediately holds up his hands in surrender.

Cougar, smooth dude that he is, unfurls from his mat, walks to the door without disturbing anyone in his class, and arches an eyebrow at Jensen.

Jensen opens his mouth but isn't sure he can talk. Once Cougar pulls them outside, Jensen says, "Sorry, man. Just wanted to know if I could—" He holds up his phone and points to it.

Cougar nods. "Come back tomorrow. Before class."

Jensen grins. "Will do. Thanks."

He holds up his fist, watching as the corner of Cougar's mouth curls into a smile. They fist bump, and Jensen considers today a productive day.


Jensen's pretty sure Aisha lives to murder her class. They must like it, because they keep coming back, and even when they don't, her class remains full week after week.

As Jensen nears the door, he hears a loud grunt and then the thud of someone hitting the mat as Aisha says, "Exploit your advantage. Don't pull back because you think you've won."

She steps forward, and Jensen winces when she demonstrates a kick, followed by a takedown. All Jensen can hear in his head is the theme to Mortal Kombat with the apropos, "Finish him!" Because Aisha would be the most badass video game character.

When Jensen gets her permission, sans being murdered, and makes the post, everyone online agrees with him and someone even makes a fanvid. Jensen shares that on every social media channel they've got because how freaking cool is that? Spoiler alert: very. It's very cool.


Someone — probably Wade or another one of Max's cronies — catches Clay smoking a cigar outside of the gym. Jensen wakes up to it hitting his dashboard and can almost hear Max's snide voice when he reads the post: "Is this the team you trust to lead you to health?"

Jensen brings it to Clay, but Clay doesn't even bother looking at it. Says, "Fix it."

"Social media can't fix this, Clay!"

It's not a total lie. Jensen offers up a photo of Roque crushing the cigar with the toe of his boot and posts, "Friendly reminder that no smoking is allowed in the gym. Or else Roque'll get you."


It takes a little bit of work and a little bit of stealth, but Jensen gets a perfect photo of Pooch, and it's as Pooch is bent over, working on the treadmill, Jo sneaking up behind him, white towel twisted and ready to fly straight at his ass.

Jensen isn't mean, though. He asks permission (by shamelessly employing Jo's help). The post explodes on Tumblr, not all of it safe for work, but hey, Jensen ships it, too.


Jensen's pièce de résistance requires five reschedules, master-level cat herding, and not just working at the gym but being a member by sprinting from one end to the other to grab everyone before they wander off when the gym closes. He shoves them into one of the rooms, where he's hung ribbons and has #AnteUpLosers on a big sign behind them.

"Group photo," he announces.

"No one's got time for this," Roque says, and steps forward, but Jensen stands his ground and locks the door.

Pooch shrugs. "Why didn't you—"

"No," Jensen says. "I did. I told everyone. For a month, so line up, Losers!"

"Jensen," Clay says.

Jensen shakes his head. "We're hugging 'cause we like each other."

Jensen takes lots of photos, because he doesn't correctly time the dash between the camera on its pod and him sliding into the picture. The rest are just for fun, and he even gets a picture of them making funny faces.

The photo that he ultimately decides to post in the hero space on the website is this one: Jo laughing and kissing Pooch's cheek, which makes Pooch grin like a lovesick dork, and Clay wrapping an arm around Roque's shoulders, murmuring something in Roque's ear. (Probably something dirty.) Cougar using his thumb to push up the brim of his hat so his face is visible, and Aisha with her hand planted on her hip, her hip cocked out, looking sexy but also like she might murder Jensen if he took one second longer.

With a grin, Jensen shares it on social media, too, and adds: #AnteUpLosers, it's time for summer memberships.