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Pretty Reckless

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SUBJECT: New Staff – and a New Year!!

Dear all,

It’s with warm wishes (obviously…) that I send you this email – reminding you that term starts on 3rd September for students and staff alike. Hoping that everyone has had a wonderful summer holiday and is excited about coming back.

Please arrive pronto, department subject meetings will be held before students arrive – school will be opened from seven am onwards. Students will arrive at 8:30 am – and the new years and any other new students will be featured to a short assembly in the main hall and then up to tutor groups where timetables and additional information will be given out. People will stay in tutors for the first three lessons. 4th lesson will finish five minutes early so new students can find their way to lunch. After lunch (which is still half an hour – staff supervision timetables in attached document) there will be twenty minutes of tutor followed by 5th and final lesson. School day ends at 3, teachers are to remain in school till 3:30 at the absolute earliest (unless cases of emergency, in which the administration office should be contacted).

That’s all for now, I look forwards to seeing you all greatly and meeting any new staff members we have joining our team!

Thank you,

Brian Schechter

Deputy Head – MA : Maths & Geometry




SUBJECT: ‘Featuring’ is entirely the wrong word to use


Ryan Ross,


(Expressive Arts Department)


“Literally though, who decided that English fit in ‘Expressive Arts’?” Pete asked, swinging his feet up on to the table in front on him. “Expressive Arts – literally that’s just Gerard Way’s creepy vampire things and Greta and her piano.” Silently he wondered the consequences of smashing said piano. Greta would probably kill him – which was a shame. Pete had seen this thing from the 60’s where everyone used to smash their pianos up when they got TVs instead. He’d like to give it a go.

“Tom Conrad is in it to. Photography.” Ryan pointed out “And Drama.”

“Ryan Ross, I don’t think you’re angry enough about this!” Pete fumed, waving his hands in Ryan’s face. “We are being oppressed – we do not have our own department! It’s scandal – its blasphemy, we need to protest or something-”

Frank cut him off “You do know that not even maths has their own department? The only one that actually does is PE and that’s because Merrick is hot and no one wants to upset him!”

“This is why we need to change it!” Pete protested, pausing slightly at the mention of Zack Merrick, PE teacher who was in actual fact, very hot. Pete would probably try to woo him or something, if not for Patrick Stump. Patrick was the one holder of Pete’s heart. “We will have a revolution! Viva la English!”

“I believe its Anglais.” Ryan cut in, accent on point.

“Oh shut up Ryan Ross, you don’t even teach French!”


“So” Greta smiled cheerfully. “New year. Same music department. I don’t think things could get much better.”

“I don’t know” Patrick sighed “I’d really like a choir room – imagine what you could do with the acoustics.” A choir room would be so awesome. Patrick really wanted a proper choir. And maybe a marching band.

“Barrington has a grand total of 786 students. There is no way we would ever get the funding.” Greta pointed out “Jamia has been fundraising for three years and has not even got half of what the art dep want to go to Quebec! Quebec – literally 500 miles!”

“Greta why are you always the voice of reason?” Patrick asked, giving a long-suffering sigh. Greta was good for that when Brendon was getting over excited (it happened a lot) but it also meant she was crushing the life out of Patrick’s dreams one by one as alas, she was right.

“Greta’s a fairy” Brendon chirped, walking in with three coffee cups dubiously held with both hands. “And actual magical one. Far more magic then Jon Walker.”

“Jon Walker is not magic!” Greta protested, ignoring the fact that Brendon had rated her higher than him.  Greta had something against Jon Walker “He lives in flip-flops and fucked William Beckett!”

“Everyone’s fucked William Beckett.” Patrick pointed out, turning to look Greta in the eyes. “You fucked William Beckett.”

Greta looked down into her coffee cup “that was different. And it wasn’t at the summer party!”

Brendon though, looked at Greta with eyes bright with wonder. “Greta you fucked William Beckett? That now makes the whole music department!” Brendon seemed entirely too-excited about that fact.

A fact that Greta, had actually, not known. Very, very slowly Greta turned to face Brendon who is looking completely normal and stirring his coffee with his finger. And then she moved her gaze on to Patrick who was bright burning red and pretending to read the posters on the walls whilst most surely not ignoring Greta Salpeter.


“It is stupid. You are stupid!” Maja declared, frowning at Gabe who was slouched across from her. “Victoria has a standard. You are below that standard. Much, much below.”

Travie laughed in delight, Gabe shot him an annoyed look. “Maja darling – I don’t think you understand. Vicky-T and I? We go back, way back. It’s not like we have never done it before.”

“You did it before? After, after she must have reset her standard. You were that bad.”

Travie curved over, laughter racking his whole body. Gabe was still frowning. “You know Maja, I much preferred you when you were just a student teacher and couldn’t speak English.”

Maja smirked.

The Languages Department was arguably the one filled with the most drama. Actually, scratch that, it was the most filled with Gabe Saporta. And Gabe Saporta equalled to drama. Especially when he was in the same space with Maja Ivarsson. Travie was just an innocent bystander in all of it.


“But you don’t get it! They think I’m a joke. ‘She’s female and likes makeup so she obviously doesn’t know what’s she’s teaching! She’s obviously some dumb pretty thing who doesn’t understand anything!’ They look at me like I’m a piece of meat – meat! Can you understand how insulting that is! I have a masters! A master’s degree in Biology and most these people probably never even passed their GCSE’s! It’s stupid – and people say that gender inequality isn’t a thing! They say feminists are arguing about nothing – and most people who say that are men! Men! Men are paid more, men are respected men, and men aren’t told their pretty young things who obviously don’t know anything! Men aren’t laughed at for wanting to be heart surgeons – and then laughed at when they can’t be a surgeon and become teachers! All the students at this school – they all think I’m some kind of a joke! None of them treat me anything close to seriously – I try and be nice and friendly and a cool teacher and then I’m the ditsy, blonde pushover! And when I give detentions and be serious and get angry – when I do that they just say I’m on my period or must’ve just got dumped! I’m given no respect – heck, even most the staff see me as some ditsy thing too and I’m sick of it! I’m fed up – have had enough!”

“Wow” Alex Marshall said, looking at Ashlee who was rather red faced and breathing heavily. “You must have a lot to get off your mind.”

“I swear, if you say I’m being over the top or making a fuss…” Ashlee threatened, eyes growing murderous.

“I wasn’t – I would never-” Marshall squeaked, eyes growing wide and more than slightly terrified.

“It’s okay Ash” Andy Hurley, biology teacher, animal rights activist, cool tattoo man, vegan, seriously strong, kind of scary looking and a huge feminist, smiled. “We’ll help you.”

Marshall nodded quickly as Ashlee swept her murderous gaze back on to him. Something on his face must have told of his support though, as Ashlee’s eyes cleared and she smiled brightly.

“Thank you, aww thank you so much. We’ll destroy these misogynists!”

Alex Marshall was a firm believer in equal rights between all genders and races and sexualities and whatever else Tumblr preached about but there was something that was really scary – actually a lot of things – about Ashlee Simpson.

Andy Hurley though, completely brilliant at everything, looked heavily enthusiastic about destroying misogynists. And Alex had thought he was a pacifist.



“Troops with me!” LynZ cried, welding the metre ruler stick she’d decided that would make a great sword. She was having entirely too much fun with ambushing the Art Department – not that anyone could really blame her. It was the first day of school. Mikey was doing the exact same – and that was actually a really confusing thing. Gerard Way had somehow managed to marry someone strangely similar to his own brother.

“Hurry up Alex!” Cash was the only one who actually called Alex, Alex. Apart from Hayley. Everyone else just kept to surnames – at least in the STEM department, there were way too many Alexes.

“My gallant team!” LynZ called, “Gather your swords. You too Deleon! This will be the attack of the year – this will be the big one. We will invade the Art rooms and take as many prisoners as possible – those who fall behind will be left behind! You must stay strong! We can do this!”

Tennessee, Cash and Hayley all fell into cheers, waving their weapons. Tennessee also had a metre stick, Cash was clutching two handfuls of tweezers (the Chemistry dep had way better weapons than Physics, this wasn’t fair). Mikey himself was in possession of a weight stick that looked cool enough to suggest it might do some damage. Hayley though, had the greatest – she was holding an actually to god chainsaw. It wasn’t turned on but she still had it and Mikey simultaneously both really wanted and really didn’t want to know where she got it from.

The Physics and Chemistry group where charging up the stairs, LynZ leading the way with her ruler held high and  Alex Deleon last – more of reluctance than trying to be a guard. Mikey was right next to Hayley – and she was swinging her chainsaw around vigorously and it was more than slightly terrifying.

The doors at the top of the stairs were shut and LynZ pushed against them but they didn’t move. Jamia and the Butcher could be seen through the glass panels, grinning at the Physics-Chemistry team in triumph.

“Our attack has been foreseen!” LynZ complained, pouting. Hayley smiled brightly, waving her chainsaw at the two art teachers through the glass. Both Jamia and Butcher blanched, taking a step backwards, paling suitable when they saw the tiny Hayley carrying a weapon no one should ever trust her with.

Somewhere in the school a bell rung and LynZ gave the door a furious look. “This isn’t over! We will be back, we will triumph!”

“We can try going along past the library later?” Tennessee asked, as they were making their way back down the stairs.

LynZ nodded “I like your thinking. We’ll draw up a map.”

“Hey Lyn?” Cash asked, just before they split off in their separate directions. “I thought you said this was going to be the attack of the year.”

LynZ scowled.

“Hey, we can get the biology dep to join us next time!” Deleon exclaimed. It was suspected that he just wanted Marshall to talk to.





 SUBJECT: Fundraising

Hi all,

The Arts Department (And I mean the actual Art teachers + Jwalk) are planning a fucking huge scale bake sale to raise money to go to Quebec so could please everyone who can cook, cook something. (ESPECIALLY YOU SUAREZ).

Anyone who brings in whatever – and yes Bden, it can be shop brought – don’t you even think about bringing anything of yours that isn’t, we’ve all seen your cooking – please put it in Gee’s room for Tuesday 14th (room 2034 if you didn’t know – not that you can’t know there are fucking zombies everywhere).

Also, to the Physics-Chemistry team – we have the history crew. I hope y’all ready!


Jamia Iero

Art Department




 SUBJECT: Fundraising (2)

Hey please note that Jamia does not have the History dep – we have no want to be dragged into this feud of yours. That included Ryland & Z as well as me. Okay? Thanks.

Travis Clark,

History Department




 SUBJECT: Fundraising (3)

Too late.

You’re never escaping!

Lindsey Way,

Chemistry Department




 SUBJECT: Fundraising (4)

Please can Jamia Iero, Travis Clark & LynZ Way refrain from contacting each other when ALL TEACHERS receive the emails? And also to the many others who do this – looking at you, William Beckett and Brendon Urie.

Much appreciated,

Brian Schechter

Deputy Head – MA : Maths & Geometry




 SUBJECT: Fundraising (5)



Jamia Iero,

Art Department




 SUBJECT: Fundraising (6)

Alas, it’s too late for that Brian

 (Mwahahahahaaaaa @  JAMIA. PrePARE TO BE DEFEATED! Also please tell gee that too, he never checks his emails)

Lindsey Way,

Chemistry Department


The Maths department was hell and Vicky-T was the King of it all.

“I don’t see why you get to be King?” Dallon complained “What if I wanted to be King?”

“Monarchy is something you’re born into” Victoria said, tossing her hair “I was born into it. You, lowly peasant, were not!”

“Why am I a lowly peasant?” Dallon asked, pouting. “What have I done to earn that title?”

Vicky shrugged “You were born into it.”

“Why would you want to be the King of hell?” Spencer wanted to know.

“It’s better than not being King” Vicky pointed out “I get automatic protection and bragging rights being King. It’s pretty cool.”

Spencer nodded – he couldn’t really fault Vicky. Or he could but that would be a scary, dreadful thing to do as Vicky was the King of hell and could probably set Spencer on fire or something. Or set Bob on him. Bob was stood behind Vicky, leant against the wall with his arms crossed and his face expressionless.  The expressionlessness did not trick Spencer though; Bob was always on Vicky’s side. Apart from that time she’d said Alex Suarez was prettier than Frank Iero.

“What was Spencer born into?” Dallon asked, still pouting slightly as he looked up at Vicky who’d sat herself on the comfy wheelie chair. Normally this would still meant Dallon was taller than Vicky but Vicky-T Asher had put the wheelie chair to its full height and made Dallon sit on the floor.

“Spencer was born to being crown princess. He’s most definitely got the hips for it.”

Dallon fell into delighted laughter. Spencer did his best to ignore them all. Fuck hell.


“Now that you’re actually here” Pete shoots William an annoyed look. “We need a battle plan.”

William blinks. He looks especially good when he blinks like that. It’s kind of an odd thing to notice but he has really, really good eyelashes. Just made to be admired.  “I thought we were staying out the art and science feud?”

“Yes we are! Especially seeing as we’re not Art!” Pete was still (and he saw it as rightly so) angry. It was kind of stupid that English was the only subject that didn’t even get to be called ‘English Department’ on the signatures of their emails. All the other subjects – despite being STEM or Humanities officially, not their actually subject name.

“We are categorised in the expressive arts department though?” William sounds entirely too confused than someone who’s being working with Pete Wentz and Ryan Ross for last three years deserved too. 

“And that’s what we’re going to change! We are the only department that has ‘Expressive Arts Department’ underneath English Department we actually are on our email signature!” It was important to say aloud previous thoughts. “This is why we need a battle plan! We are going to be our own fully functioning, self-sufficient and successful department!”

“But Merrick’s is the only officially single department. How do you plan on doing this?” William asked curiously, eyebrows creasing as he tilted his head.

“I said that” Frank said, stretching his feet out and trying to kick William. He fails, ultimately, being like two foot. Not really. He probably was once though.

“I don’t know.” Pete sighs, flapping his hands “We think Merrick got it because he’s hot.”

“And we’re not hot?” Ryan asks. It’s the first time Ryan has spoken in the conversation and the most valid point that Ryan has probably ever said in his whole entire life. Pete approved immensely.

“Point.”  Once again, speaking previous thoughts aloud. Very important. “We have Frank Iero and Ryan Ross and me and fucking you Bilvy Beckett, how are we anything but hot?”

“I love how you included yourself in that.” Frank laughs.

“Honesty is the best policy” Pete shrugged before pausing. “Do you think that Merrick slept with Howard or something?”

“I don’t think that would’ve done it” William said considering “I’ve slept with Howard and that obviously hasn’t changed anything. And it can’t be that Merrick is a really good fuck or anything because I’ve slept with Merrick too and really he is not as good as his appearance suggests.”

“Jesus Beckett, is there anyone in this school you haven’t slept with?” Frank asked, wrinkling his nose.

William paused. “Um, like Jamia? I ain’t a homewrecker.”

“But you didn’t mention Frank there?” Pete asked, momentarily forgetting about his grand battle plans. Who William Beckett fucked (or hadn’t fucked, hadn’t would be a much shorter list) was kind of interesting. Mainly the not fucked bit. If there was anyone who you weren’t sure about it was safe to just guess fucked. On the other hand, if you ever needed to know anyone’s sexuality….

William shrugged “Well Frank and me slept together before he and Jamia were together. I think. It might’ve just been before they were married.”

Pete swivelled to look at Frank. Frank rolled his eyes “It was before Jamia and I were together.”

“Oh” Pete was more than slightly disappointed before his face brightened. “Hey what’s Patrick like in bed?”

William raised an eyebrow “hmm, why don’t you tell me- oh wait that’s right! He doesn’t even like to talk to you!” Sometimes, sometimes William Beckett was actually a bitch. Ryan Ross class bitch. He probably learnt it of Ryan.

Mind you Pete kind of could be a little bit rude sometimes. Maybe he should stop calling Bilvy a slut so much – especially if he wanted to know about Patrick. Anything about Patrick that is. Anything would be awesome. What it’s like to be friends with him for once. Was Pete friends with him? Nobody knew. Or Patrick probably knew but he was probably the only one. Maybe Joe Troham too.


“You see” Gabe said “I think it’s going to be brilliant.”

Travie and Maja looked at each other and then at the whiteboard which was covered in arrows and squiggles and slanted writing – and all titled ‘Gabe’s fucking awesome plan to get Victoria Asher to go on a date with him’. GPVA for short.

Silence filled the room.

“Gabe man.” Travie said carefully. “Gabey Baby. Gabanti. Gabriel Eduardo Saporta. Uhh, maybe you want to reconsider that?”

Maja was not so careful. “So stupid."

Gabe stood up, knocking his chair to the floor. Maja and Travie looked at each other. Gabe stepped forwards, uncapping the whiteboard dry erase marker in his hand. Maja and Travie looked at each other once again. Gabe was going to explode or something.

He did explode. The whiteboard dry erase marker slashed against Maja’s face quickly, a large black line going from the top of her forehead to her chin. Maja shrieked – standing up and being actually no taller than she was sat down.

“Gabriel Saporta!” She yelled in a heavily accented voice. Her accent got stronger and stronger the more emotional she got. “Oh you are stupid!”

She stormed out the room, boots echoing along the floor. Gabe and Travie looked at each other.

“Well you’re fucked Gabe man."


“I think” Brendon said, looking up from where he was sprawled across the piano. “That I am in love.”

“With Jon Walker?” Patrick asked, not looking up from the papers he was marking.

Brendon gave a shocked gasp and sat up, the keys sounding dreadfully as he removed his weight from them. “Patrick. How could you? Of course not. Jon Walker is a god, I am but mere mortal. He is untouchable. Perfection in human form.”

“And flip-flops and the world's scruffiest beard right” Greta said dryly “Who then Bden? Who is this love of yours?”

Brendon slumped back onto the piano. Both Greta and Patrick winced as the keys clanged.

“Bren?” Patrick tried “You’ll feel better if you tell us.”

“You’ll just tell Pete or Andy Hurley or something” Brendon moaned.

“I’d never” Patrick said quickly, crossing his fingers under the desk. “Honest.”

“Spencer Smith” Brendon gave a long sigh “Spencer James Smith. And he probably doesn’t even know who I am.”

“I’m sure he does” Greta said “Like you’re really not hard to miss. You could introduce yourself to him anyway. He and Jwalk are friends, yeah? Go and bug your angel Jon Walker and Smith will probably turn up sooner or later.”

Brendon gasped, siting up straight once again. “Greta you are the angel here! Seriously, you’re a beautiful, magical spirit that I do not even deserve to look at - let alone be advised by!”

Greta looked oddly fond as she watched Brendon run from the room. Patrick watched him too – albeit for entirely different reasons.






Patrick Stump,

Music Department


“Hey Bilvy?” Pete asked, looking up from his laptop. “You know Brendon Urie? ‘Trick says he’s crushing on Spencer Smith.”

William Beckett looked up from the pile of papers he was certainly not ignoring instead of marking. “Really? Spencer Smith likes Jon Walker.”

“He does?” Pete asked, leaning forwards in his seat.

William shrugged “Well, he did like two weeks ago.”

Pete turned back to his laptop, typing furiously.




 SUBJECT:!!!! (2)

bill sys smith <3 jwalk??


Pete Wentz,


(Expressive Arts Department)


Chapter Text




SUBJECT: Probably you want to read this

Maja hi, how are you?

Sorry to be a bother but there is a high possibility you’ll be getting a ton of angry phone calls from Kieran O’Donnell’s mother. I totally assure you I had nothing to do with it and I did not give him three weeks’ worth of detentions for being an asshole and I most absolutely didn’t get Keltie to update the phone numbers so Ms. O’Donnell has to ring Kieran’s tutor about him having a ton of detentions instead of the teacher that set them (certainly not me. Nope, never).

As you are Kieran’s tutor I figured you’d like to know.

Have fun – and, uh, sorry? There’s only so many times I can listen to that bitch screaming down the phone at me though.

Cassadee Pope,

Geography Department





SUBJECT: Life Lessons

There are times in life where you must be strong. You must go with your gut. You must be not stupid. You must not listen to Cassadee Pope.

Kieran O’Donnell’s mother is worse than Gabe Saporta. I did not think that possible - I think she is a Nattmara.

Please make is so she rings Cassadee and not I.

Maja Ivarsson,

Modern Foreign Languages Department





SUBJECT: Life Lessons (2)


I don’t think we have those in America.

Keltie Collen,


Barrington High School



The staff room was empty. Actually that was a lie – the staff room was empty apart from Spencer Smith. But Spencer wasn’t going to count himself; by his reckoning it was empty.

Until one Victoria Jane Asher stalked in. And yes, stalked was entirely the right word. Or maybe slinked. She walked like cats walked. Spencer did not know how to describe how cats walked – there was a reason he taught Maths and not English. But she was like a cat an awful lot now that he thought about it. She preened and held a great fondness for attention and was confident and bright and smirked a lot – and she was currently smirking at Spencer right now…

“Spencer Smith” Vicky enunciated, smirk wider than Gabe Saporta’s. Gabe Saporta was fucking creepy. He and Vikcy had the weirdest relationship that Spencer had actually ever seen – and Spencer had seen Tomrad and William Beckett. Gabe was utterly obsessed with Vicky-T – creepily obsessed. And Vicky-T actually loved Gabe – and would run away from him if she could see him coming.

 “Spencer Smith, Spencer Smith” Vicky repeated, “Spencer Smith, do you know who Brendon Urie is?”

Spencer blinked. He’d not been expecting that… “Yes?” It wasn’t like you couldn’t know who Brendon Urie was. He was the music teacher and had bright red glasses and king of really tragic hair and always wore bright purple and was best friends with Jon Walker. Jonathan Jacob Walker.

Vicky’s leer grew even wider, threatening to split her face in two. “Spencer Smith, Spencer Smith what do you think of Brendon Urie, Spencer Smith?”

Spencer shuffled back slightly. Vicky was creeping him out. Everyone in this school was so creepy. “Uh he’s a good singer? I guess a good music teacher – Patrick approves? I don’t know what do you want me to say?”

“That he’s cute and you’re in love with him.” Vicky replied promptly.

“Uhh, I think he’s cute and I love him?” Spencer asked awkwardly. It was always best to go along with what Vicky wanted – especially as she was now the King of Hell.

“Great” Vicky beamed “I’ll tell Greta.”

“Wait what?” Spencer had made a mistake. A large, grave mistake. Shit.



“LynZ said that?” Gerard sounded amused. He probably was amused – not that Jamia could tell. Not because they were in different places or her eyes weren’t working but because the art room they were in was in complete darkness. Gerard had decided he wanted his 9th grade class to paint like Francisco Goya and in order for them to understand the darkness in his paintings entirely, they were painting in the dark.

Jamia had heard of worse ideas.

“Yeah she did. Apparently you never check your emails.”

“Well…” Gerard trailed off, unable to protest. Jamie knew – she’d never actually seen Gee use his laptop for anything other than reading web comics, watching horror movies on and finding the most obscene artists to show his classes. She wondered if he even had an email.

“I might’ve said we have the History dep.” Jamia said awkwardly, unable to gauge Gerard’s reaction – seeing as she couldn’t really see him. Actually couldn’t see him at all.

“Do we?”

“…No” Jamia admitted “but we totally should.”

“History dep has Bergman in, doesn’t it?” Gerard asked


Gerard sighed “Then we should totally have the History dep.”

“I’m sure Butcher could come up with something?” Jamia offered

She could hear Gerard thinking. “That would be good. He was carving earlier – he’s so good at carving – and it’s like a bucket or something and I don’t know what really but it’s so, so cool and there are like elephants and everything.” Gerard pauses “And Jon Walker or Tom Conrad or whatever of them is actually the photographer could do something? They know everyone.” He pauses again. “Which of those two is actually the photography teacher?”

Jamia blinked. “I don’t know.”



“It is time” Charlotte said “For a council of war. Sisky – I need fundraising ideas.”

Adam Thaddeus Siska looked up drowsily from the absolute nothingness he’d been doing. Philosophy and Ethics was an elective subject and he only had three classes that were all filled with people who didn’t really do shit. Which was quite good as it meant he could do nothing and go and visit the Butcher or Mike Carden or something instead.

“Cake sale?” He suggested. Cake was a good thing, yeah? Everyone liked cake – Bill made the most amazing cheesecake. Sisky loved cheesecake. Was cheesecake even cake?

“The Art dep have a cake sale” Charlotte frowned “And they keep trying to claim the History dep – if we attract their attention it could be pretty deadly.”

Sisky wouldn’t really mind being claimed by Butcher. He vocalised this thought but Charlotte just shook her head and told Sisky that Butcher was scary – but not as scary as Gerard and he actually ruled the art dep.

“There’s s thought” Cassadee said slamming her coffee mug down more vigorously then recommended. The table saw splattered with tiny little coffee drops. They looked a bit like rain. “Why don’t we have a ruler?”

“Firstly” Charlotte said “There is no ‘we’ – seeing as we are two separate departments. Secondly I’m pretty sure Nate Navarro claimed the title as our ruler.

Cassadee considered this. “Nate Navarro is a wood tech teacher.”

“And he’s so pretty.” Charlotte breathed “I’d hate to upset him.”

“Wait a minute” Sisky said, raising his hands in surrender. “What do you mean by we’re two different departments?”

“You teach Philosophy and Ethics Adam” Cassadee said confusedly

“And you don’t?”

“Charlotte, Alex and I teach Geography?” Cassadee asked, brows furrowing in bewilderment. “And McMahon and Johnson teach Ethics with you.”

“Ohh. I kind of knew that. I was asking are we not just the Humanities dep.”

“The humanities dep has History in too. If we were all the same thing then History would share our office.”

“But if you’re Geography and I’m Ethics - Why do we have to share an office?”

Charlotte and Cassadee looked at each other and shrugged. “I don’t know. But I like having you here Sisky, you’re so pretty. So, so pretty.”

“Uh thanks?” Call him biased but Sisky thought Charlotte Sometimes was way scarier than Gerard and the Art dep.



Patrick really didn’t want to see that. He was minding his own business – trying to photocopy some sheet music for his senior class and of course the reprographics room (secretly a cupboard) was soundproof. And of course Patrick walked in on Tennessee Thomas and Z Bergman in lip lock and Z’s hands up Tennessee’s shirt in a way that could not be mistaken for anything other than it was.

He had awkwardly stumbled back and apologised and literally ran away – and Patrick didn’t run anywhere. It was mortifying. Patrick hadn’t been that embarrassed since the summer party when he walked in on William Beckett and Jon Walker. Patrick had an unfortunate (or some could call it fortunate but that was just creepy) habit of always walking in on intimate situations.

It was weird to think that he and Jon Walker had had sex with the same person though. William Beckett literally had half the school staff wrapped around his finger. It was almost an admirable talent.

Still it must be hugely exhausting to have that much sex on a regular schedule. Patrick kind of felt sorry for him.



Ryan was not a creep. He’d just heard from Keltie who’d heard it from Ashlee who’d heard it from Andy Hurley who’d heard it from Cassadee Pope and Adam Siska who’d heard it from Butcher who’d heard it from Mike Carden (he was the creep if you were going to give anyone in the school the title of creep) who’d heard it from Brendon who’d heard it from William who’d heard it from Spencer himself, that Spencer Smith had a huge big fat crush on Jon Walker.

And Spencer Smith was Ryan’s best friend. That meant Ryan should’ve heard it first. Not fucking William Beckett.

Ryan was currently on his way to question Spencer James Smith. The traitor. Spencer’s love life (or wannabe love life) was totally Ryan’s business. It was one of those things signed in blood when you’re half sober and know you’re going to regret it in the morning but are totally not bothered at the time.

And Ryan – of course Ryan ran into Patrick Stump. Patrick was almost running and was red face and looked more than slightly out of breath and Ryan was kind of curious and even more an asshole so made actually no way to move out of Patrick’s way. And maybe stepped a little bit into Patrick’s way. This of course resulted in both of them on the floor. And it was lesson time so no students were even going to see the two of them and start awkward rumours that Ryan could tease Pete with.

“Oh I am so sorry.” Patrick apologised, his face even redder then it had been a second ago.

Ryan shrugged “Why are you running?”

Patrick looked more than slightly uncomfortable. “I just – there were some things happening in the reprographics room.”

“Was it William Beckett? Fucking Bill Beckett he’s even more of a slut then Mikey Way and being more of a slut then Mikey Way is a hard thing to be. I imagine so anyhow. How the hell is it that everyone has something with Jon Walker?”

Patrick looked even more uncomfortable. “No, uh no it wasn’t William. Um, Z and Tennessee Thomas.”

“Z?” Ryan was even more furious then he would’ve been if it was William Beckett. “Z? Why do none of my friends tell me anything?”

“I don’t know?” Patrick said “Why, what’s happened?”

If Ashlee knew about it then Pete certainly knew about it. And if Pete knew it then everyone knew it. Everyone included Patrick. So Ryan could totally tell Patrick and not feel shitty about it. “Spencer Smith has a crush on Jon Walker. And he didn’t tell me.”

“Oh. Wait how do you know that? If Spencer didn’t tell you that is?”

“Keltie. Keltie Collen – in Admin.”

“How did Keltie know?” Patrick sounded bewildered

“Well  Keltie heard it from Ashlee who heard it from Andy Hurley who heard it from Cassadee Pope and Adam Siska who heard it from Butcher who heard it from Mike Carden who heard it from Brendon who heard it from William who heard it from Spencer.”

“Whoa. Okay – Pete didn’t tell people?”

“Well not the strain of people who told me” Ryan frowned “How does Pete know?”

“How does Brendon know? Fuck Brendon can’t know!”

“Wait what?” Ryan wanted to know.

Patrick sighed, suddenly looking quite troubled “Bden has a crush on Spencer. I told Pete – and Pete told me that Spencer likes Jon Walker. He didn’t say that Brendon knew though!”

“Brendon probably found out because of William Beckett or someone. Why does William Beckett know everything?”

“Something to do with the hips” Patrick muttered looking entirely disgruntled “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.”





SUBJECT: Suitable for School

To All,

Please, please stop contacting each other through the group email. There is an option if you look, which lets you send a message to ‘all teachers’. ‘All teachers’ will send the message to all teachers. Please can you check what you send and whether really all teachers need to read if – Andrew McMahon everyone knows you have a crush on Nick Wheeler. You do not need to discuss it with Bob Morris where everyone can see it.

Thank you,

Brian Schechter

Deputy Head – MA: Maths & Geometry





SUBJECT: Suitable for School (2)

Andrew McMahon has a crush on me?? Wait, what???

Nick Wheeler,

Physical Education Department





SUBJECT: Suitable for School (2)

I hate you.

Andrew McMahon,

Philosophy and Ethics Department



“Vicky says that Spencer says that he thinks Brendon is cute and he loves him” Greta called to Patrick, not looking up from the paper she was marking. “Apart from Vicky kind of blackmails and makes people do as she wants and she could have very easily just made Spencer say that. She sent me a video of him saying it though and he kind of looks very confused – and he has really good hair. What is it with Maths people having good hair? I suppose he could be telling the truth – it’s definitely him saying it but Vikcy could be threatening him off screen or beforehand or something, I’m not sure if I believe it. Of course I want to believe it but everyone knows that Spencer has a crush on Jon Walker – of all people – and I don’t want to break Bden’s heart and- are you even listening to me?” Greta frowns, looking up from the papers she was marking and – oh.


Oh no.

No, no, no.

Brendon Urie was stood awkwardly in the doorway, expression halfway between horror and excitement. Greta kind of wanted to punch herself. “Uh, hi B?”




Adam Thaddeus Siska – Sisky, Siska, Adam, Sisky Business, Sisky Biz, Bass Wiz, Adam T, whatever else you’d like to call him – was kind of more than slightly fed up with Ryan Ross.

Adam Thaddeus Siska – once again, call him as you like – was sat in the English office room with said person, Ryan Ross. No other English teachers were around – which was sort of a downer as Sisky had come to find Bill and Bill was an English teacher and Bill was not in the English teachers office room.

Ryan Ross was though. Ryan Ross was sat in blue faded chair that has cigarette burn flowers and the most horrible paisley cushion decorating it. Ryan Ross had one leg folded over the other and a mug of tea clutched in his fingerless-gloved gloved hands. There was something about being an English teacher that made you have unhealthy amounts of tea, Adam was sure of it.

Sisky had been in the English room for about ten minutes now – he walked in and asked Ryan if Ryan had seen Bill.

Ryan had frowned and said “William Beckett? Thank fuck no.”

“What’s wrong with Bill?” Sisky asked, frowning slightly. He liked Bill, even if Bill was kind of pretentious and also a diva and the world’s largest drama queen when he chose to be. Adam supposed that he – himself – was kind of a drama queen too. So was Mike Carden. It must be a thing that you were afflicted with if you were born in Chicago. Pete Wentz was from Chicago and he was the biggest diva drama queen ever. Sisky considered his ground-breaking discovery and made a mental note to tell Butcher as soon as he could.

Ryan flapped his hands. “He’s a slut – a fucking slut. He’s slept with literally every teacher in this school and has no qualms about it. He has the entire staff wrapped around his pinky finger – all he ever does is bat his eyelashes and they all come to his beck and call! It’s ridiculous, like how do they fall for it? He’s not even that good looking – literally he’s just bones and like noodles or something. And eyelashes. How the hell does he have eyelashes like that without mascara?”

“You hate him because he doesn’t wear mascara?” Sisky asked doubtfully, making yet another mental note to tell Butcher this. Ryan Ross was fucking weird.

 “No!” Ryan exclaimed exasperated and probably lying. Adam had seen pictures of Ryan outside of school – Ryan Ross had some strange affliction with makeup and eyeliner and Sisky really had nothing against it – sometimes the birds that flew around his eyes did look pretty cool – but he didn’t need to be upset that Bill didn’t wear it. And that wasn’t even strictly true – Adam had seen Bill in makeup. Multiple times. He’d also seen Bill in dresses. Once again multiple times. And once, once Adam Thaddeus Siska had seen William Beckett in full and complete drag. He’d looked really hot, Adam wasn’t going to lie.

“He’s just annoying” Ryan continued, waving his hands in the air. “Like he’s slept with basically all staff here, yeah? Everyone that’s legal and not a student-”

“Not Jamia” Sisky interrupted “I know that for a fact because she was pouting about it. Apparently it’s not fair that Frank got Bill and she didn’t.”

“That’s what I’m talking about” Ryan spat, disgruntled “Everyone’s had William Beckett. He probably has contracted about seventy three different STD’s-”

“Can you get seventy three different STD’s?” Adam asked, also resolving to ask Butcher when he remembered.

“-and he doesn’t even seem to care” Ryan continued, ignoring Adam Thaddeus Siska. “He has actually no respect what so ever for his body – he doesn’t seem to care that everyone uses him! It’s disturbing – so fucking disturbing. Something must be completely wrong in his head to think that it’s okay for people to treat him like that – because it’s not! He’s a slut, yeah and I wouldn’t normally slut shame – I’m not Pete fucking Wentz – but you have to in his case because how the hell else are you going to get the message through that he’s destroying himself?  I get that you can like sex but there’s a big difference between liking sex and having sex 24/7. His behaviour isn’t healthy at all – and he doesn’t seem to care! No one seems to care!”

“It sounds like you care” Adam said doubtfully, making (yet another) mental note to tell Butcher about this. The Butcher held a large – and mostly unimportant- part in Adam’s life.

Ryan blushed bright, vivid red. “Shut up. I don’t care at all – not like that. I’m just worried about the school’s reputation being ruined. William Beckett is a fucking whore and that’s all he’ll ever be.”

In the doorway William Beckett paused, stepped backwards and let the door fall back into place softly. He turned around; walking fast and you’d have to have very good eyesight to notice the slight tremor in his hands and the wetness that painted his eyes.



“Greta knew I made you say it” Vicky pouted looking up from her phone.

“Tell me, tell me!” Dallon demanded. He’d appeared from wherever he’d disappeared too. Bob was now in the room too and looking entirely unimpressed with Dallon’s puppy like qualities.

“I told Spencer to say he thought Brendon Urie was cute and that he loved him. And I taped it and sent it to Greta.”

“You taped it?” Spencer demanded just as Dallon frowned and confusedly ask Spencer “Wait, you like Brendon Urie?”

“I don’t” Spencer says just as Vicky replies to Spencer’s question with a bright ‘yes’.

“Oh” Dallon frowned, expression clearing as he looked up at Spencer. “So is it true you like Jon Walker?”

“W-What?” Spencer could feel his cheeks burning up and did his best to create an awesome bitch face. He probably looked too embarrassed for it to work properly.

“It’s true” Bob Bryar spoke. “Mikey told me – Mikey doesn’t lie.”

“How does Mikey know?” Vicky sounds confused “I only told, like Gabe and Suarez and Nate and Ryland. And possibly Alex Johnson but that was only because I ran into him and felt bad.”

“Gabe would’ve told everyone” Dallon says thoughtfully “And also I think Pete knows – he told Deleon who told me. And Bill Beckett told Pete I think.”

“Ahh” Vicky hummed. “So I guess that’s how Greta knew – she’s the one who told me.”

“Does everyone know?” Spencer asked, unable to deny it.

“Well Jon Walker himself probably doesn’t” Vicky said carefully “he’s stoned as fuck today.”

“Look on the bright side” Dallon said comfortingly “At least Schechter didn’t announce it to every single teacher by email. He did that with McMahon – Wheeler knows about Andrew’s massive crush now.”

“Oh that’s too good” Vicky smiled, “But Wheeler has a boyfriend.”

“I expect that’s why McMahon is so upset.” Bob said dryly. Spencer wondered what he’d done in a past life to end up in this life now. 






Ryan Ross is definitely in love with our Bill. But won’t admit it because Bill doesn’t wear makeup?

Also, yes or no, do you think all Chicago borns are divas?

Adam T. Siska,

Philosophy and Ethics Department




SUBJECT: Heyy,, (2)

Dude everyone loves Bill. Hey you should show Ross a picture from when Bill wore drag,,

And not sure about the Chicago thing? Like Wentz and Bill – yes. Me and Tomrad – no.

Andy Mrotek,

Art Department





SUBJECT: Heyy,, (3)

Ross is fucking weird.





Bill was really hot in drag. Ross would probably appreciate it.

Mike Carden,

Textiles and Design Department



“Patrick Stump walked in on Z and me earlier” Tennessee said, brow creasing. “Do you think he’s gonna tell Pete Wentz or someone?”

“I wouldn’t think so…” Alex (the Deleon variety) said slowly. “Like yeah he gossips all the time but he is a nice person. And probably too embarrassed to say anything.”

“You’re with Z? Elizabeth Bergman?” Cash sounded approving “Get it on man!”

Tennessee wrinkled her nose. “We weren’t – we just made out a bit. She had her hands up my shirt. It’s nothing serious.”

“It sounds serious if you’re telling however many people are in this room. More than three.” Deleon said doubtfully.

“It sounds cute” Hayley beamed “I ship it.”

“You ship it? Hayley are you thirteen or something?” Cash laughed

Hayley frowned “you’re being especially bitchy today Colligan. I guess Ian rejected you again?”

Cash frowned, slipping his middle finger at Hayley. Hayley beamed in response.

“You like Crawford?” Marshall asked Cash incredulously. No one was really sure where Marshall had actually come from but he was in the room and sitting rather close to Alex Deleon. Hayley shipped them too.

“He does” Alex Deleon replied “And Ian completely ignores him. It’s like the Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz thing of the lesser known teachers.”

“Yeah that’s a thing” Tennessee frowned “How come people know the music teacher more than they know us? Everyone knows LynZ and Mikey and like, Andy Hurley and everyone knows we have a feud with the Art dep but no one really knows us.”

“That’s why I got a chainsaw” Hayley said brightly

“Where did you get that chainsaw?” Cash asked, scratching his hand and the terrible lizard tattoo on it.

Hayley shrugged. “Just somewhere.”





SUBJECT: Suitable for school (3)

I’ve had thirteen students in ONE CLASS come up to me and ask me if I’m bad in bed. Jack what did you do?

Zack Merrick,

Physical Education Department





SUBJECT: Suitable for school (4)

Shit I didn’t mean to send that to everyone

Zack Merrick,

Physical Education Department





SUBJECT: Suitable for school (5)

I actually did nothing.

And that’s a brilliant story, dude I have to tell Alex!

Jack Barakat,

Health and Social Department





SUBJECT: Suitable for school (6)

Zack I am really sorry dude but that might’ve more-than-slightly been my fault. And William Beckett’s.

Pete Wentz,

English Department

(Expressive Arts Department)




SUBJECT: Suitable for school (7)

Fucking William Beckett, it’s always him.

Ryan Ross,

English Department

(Expressive Arts Department)