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Fais-Moi la Haîne - R is for Repulsion

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Wrong. It was so wrong. It didn’t feel right, it made her feel even more ill than before. But Laura couldn’t stop herself. Sometimes wrong was the only thing she could get her hands on that made her thoughts feel less fuzzy. She had managed to stay clear-headed enough for a few days to not let herself fall into a dark pit she wouldn’t be able to crawl out of, but she had slipped. One moment of weakness. Just one.

 

And now she found herself pressed up against a bulkhead, the admiral’s lips fastened to her throat, her hands roughly palming Laura’s sensitive breasts, squeezing them roughly, leaving Laura gasping for breath and willing away the pain in the left one and instead focusing on the buttons of the Admiral uniform. She can’t bring herself to call her Helena. That would make it real and she doesn’t want that.

 

Laura fumbled with golden buttons, her fingers trembling too much and focus too absent for her to accomplish a simple task like unbuttoning a uniform jacket. It was pathetic. Admiral Cain pulled back, her lips swollen from their less than endearing kisses, but smirking all the same at Laura’s inaptitude, like she enjoyed seeing the other powerful woman of this fleet this powerless and helpless.

 

Oh Gods, she really hated this, herself, the admiral. All of it.

 

She narrowed her eyes when the admiral starts unbuttoning the jacket herself, her fingers making quick work of the gold buttons before she shrugged the blue wool off her shoulders and threw it behind her, leaving Cain in her tanks as she attacked the buttons of Laura’s blazer. She got rid of the garment and the blouse underneath with a cool and detached efficiency. Laura shivered involuntary when the warmth of her clothes disappeared, but the admiral didn’t notice or pretended not to.

 

Laura yanked Cain closer by the straps of her tanks, crashing their lips together in a bruising kiss where their tongues battled for dominance, a fight that Laura easily lost. She was grateful for the bulkhead she was leaning against, her legs wouldn’t have been able to hold her up otherwise. Her muscles were already trembling and barely anything had happened. The strength was seeping out of her body too soon.

 

She despised the way her body was betraying her just at a time when she needed to focus. Cain couldn’t be trusted. Laura had to keep her guard up all the time, be ready for the admiral strike when she least expected it. She had to be able to think clearly and not feel as if her brain was stuffed with cotton balls and her eyelids were too heavy for her to lift.

 

She gasped, tearing her lips away from the admiral’s when the taller woman pushed her thigh between Laura’s legs, forcing her skirt to bunch at her waist. Laura rolled her hips, despite herself, moaning at the friction it created. Cain had a victorious grin playing on her lips, her teeth bared, making her look like a vicious predator who had just caught her prey. The admiral leaned in and sunk her teeth into Laura’s earlobe, tugging it until Laura whimpered.

 

“You’re desperate for it, aren’t you?” Cain whispered, her voice still sharp, commanding and just a little condescending. Laura closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. She was desperate. Craving it. She should never have acted on this undeniable pull that had been between her and the admiral. Something that she had tried to ignore, but had clearly been unable to.

 

It was so incredibly wrong.

 

“You want me to touch you. I can feel it. You’re needy.” Cain slid her hand up the inside of her thigh, caressing the soft skin almost lovingly, but she roughly pushed her fingers against the damp panties and Laura nearly squeaked, but she managed to bite it back in time before she pushed down against the admiral’s palm.

 

Her body hadn’t been responsive to anything for weeks now. She had tried all the tricks she knew to get herself aroused and while her mind had cooperated, her body hadn’t. But now, while being held against a bulkhead by a woman she despised but wanted at the same time, now her body responded. To the touch of another woman.

 

Cain easily pushed her underwear aside, her cool fingers against Laura’s folds. Laura moaned, clutching Cain’s shoulders as if her life depended on it. Maybe it did. The admiral didn’t seem to notice as she teased Laura, kissing and biting along the edge of her bra. It hurt, but she liked it. The admiral knew she was sick, that she was dying, but she was the first person who didn’t treat her like it. She saw her as an adversary who, even when she was weak, was difficult to beat.

 

“How long has it been?” Cain asked as she slowly entered Laura with a single finger. She hissed, digging her nails in the skin of the admiral’s arms. “Days? Weeks? Months?”

 

Laura bit the inside of her cheeks, trying not to think of before the attacks, or Richard and the uncomfortable desk in his office or the soft bed in their regular hotel room. The last time she had had sex had been with him, in his office, the evening before everything got frakked up beyond recognition. That was too long ago. In another life time. Cain chuckled softly, cruelly.

 

“That long? You disappoint me, madam president. I would have thought the government and the military would have been in bed before the smoke from the nukes cleared. I guess Adama is not the man I thought he was.”

 

Bill.

 

She had told him to kill the admiral, had practically ordered him to do it. Their still somewhat fragile working relationship and friendship would shatter if he knew about this. He’d be revolted by the act after hearing her so adamantly speak about the necessity of the woman’s death. And he would be right to take away the presidency from her, lock her up and throw away the key.

 

“Stop,” she whispered, her voice hoarse as she lightly pushing at Cain’s shoulders. She needed air, she needed the admiral to leave. She needed to think. Cain froze and looked at her, the triumphant glint disappearing from her eyes.

 

“Get off me,” Laura said, her voice a little stronger this time. With narrowed eyes Cain took a step back, her touch disappearing as did her thigh between Laura’s legs. Laura nearly slumped to the floor without any support to hold her up. By the sheer force of not wanting to make more of an idiot of herself in front of the admiral Laura managed to keep herself standing as she pulled her skirt over her trembling legs. “Leave.”

 

“You’ve got to be frakking kidding me,” Cain said through gritted teeth, her eyes flashing dangerously. Laura merely raised an eyebrow and with as much dignity as she could muster, started buttoning her blouse, rebuilding her armor and with it a feeling of repulsion for what she had done, for what she had almost done.

 

“On the contrary, admiral, I am far from kidding. Now leave.” She sounded sure of herself, confident, leaving no doubt as to the truth of her words. For a second she was afraid Cain would lunge at her. The anger was so clearly written on the younger woman’s face. But the attack never came.

 

“We aren’t finished,” the admiral hissed before picking her jacket up and practically stormed away, leaving Laura alone. She stood for a few moments against the bulkhead before her legs gave up and she slowly slid down until she sat on the floor, arms wrapped around her knees.

 

She felt surprisingly hollow as if there were no emotions left inside her. Just guilt, eating away at her conscience. And Bill’s face, pushing its way into her thoughts. He’d hate her for what she had done. He  was too honorable to understand what had happened.  He wouldn’t find out. Cain was going to be dead soon. And so was she.

 

“I think we are,” she said to an empty room.