Eventually Will climbs out of bed and pulls on a pair of sweatpants, then he tosses Finn his boxers and undershirt and heads for the kitchen. They eat grilled cheese at Will’s kitchen table while Will tells Finn the latest news about New Directions, and it all feels weirdly…normal. Like this is exactly where Finn belongs, and he’s not going to say so out loud or anything, but he’s starting to think maybe Will feels the same.
Every once in awhile Will’s hand lands on his arm or his thigh, and every time Finn has to remind himself all over again that this is actually happening, that it’s not just some weird dream. He’s not going to wake up all alone in his bunk, wishing for something he can never have, and he’s not going to have to spend the rest of the day just trying to hold himself together.
Not when Will’s right here where Finn can touch as much as he wants, where he can reach across the table and cover Will’s hand with his, slide their fingers together and know Will won’t pull away. Instead he just smiles and leans a little closer, says, “I’m glad you’re here,” for the fifth time and lifts Finn’s hand to brush a kiss across his knuckles.
Finn feels his face heat up, but he grins right back at Will, says, “Yeah, me too,” and means it just as much as the last four times he’s said it.
“Are you tired?” Will asks, thumb rubbing back and forth across Finn’s hand while he talks, like he doesn’t want to stop touching any more than Finn does.
“I slept some on the bus,” Finn says, and it’s not really an answer, because the truth is he is kind of tired. But tomorrow he has to go back to his folks’ house, and even if Will comes with him, it won’t be the same. So he doesn’t want to waste a lot of time, not when he’s only got two weeks before he has to ship out again, and after that who knows how long it’ll be until he sees Will again.
“Look, can we just…I mean…” he stammers, because the truth is he’s not really sure what he’s asking for. He wants to be with Will, but Will’s here already, and Finn doesn’t know how to make him understand that he wants more. He needs more, even though he doesn’t know what more is, exactly, and he doesn’t want to freak Will out by getting all weird on him on their first night together.
“Whatever you want, Finn.” Will smiles like he really means it, and he must, because he keeps saying it. Only that doesn’t help with the fact that Finn doesn’t know what he wants, and even if he did he’s not sure he could find the right words to ask for it.
But Will must know that somehow, too, because he stands up and holds out a hand, and when Finn takes it Will pulls him onto his feet.
"Come with me," he says, tugging until Finn follows him into the living room.
"The A/V club filmed this year's musical," Will says as he steers Finn onto the couch. When Finn sits down Will lets go of him and crosses to the DVD player, digging around for a couple seconds before he finds the disc he's looking for.
Once he puts the movie in he sits down on the couch next to Finn, draping his arm around Finn's shoulders to pull him close. "We did Bye Bye Birdie this year. I didn’t really think about it at the time, but I suppose it was an appropriate choice, considering."
Finn’s not sure exactly why Will thinks he wants to watch a high school production of some show he’s never heard of, but Will’s arm feels good around him, and Finn finds himself leaning a little heavier against his shoulder and relaxing into the cushions.
He fights the urge to close his eyes, squinting at the TV as the first musical number starts. Will’s hand is on the back of his neck, fingers sort of stroking through his hair and distracting Finn from the storyline he’s barely following anyway. Finn leans into the touch, and when Will’s fingers stroke along the spot behind his ear it goes straight down his spine.
“Are you cold?” Will asks, shifting until they’re sort of face to face. And he is, a little, but he knows how they can fix it, so he shakes his head and wraps a hand around the back of Will’s neck to pull him into a kiss.
Will lets out a muffled noise against his mouth and lets Finn pull him down onto the couch until Will’s stretched out on top of him, his thigh pressed between Finn’s knees and their chests pressed together. Finn slides his arms around Will’s shoulders to trace the taut muscles in his back, fingers pressed against smooth skin as he kisses Will back.
On the TV they’re talking about somebody going off to war, and when Will laughs against his mouth and pulls back to glance at the screen, Finn fights the urge to drag him back again.
“I can’t believe I never realized it until now.”
“What?” Finn asks, hands stroking up and down Will’s back in the hope that he’ll remember they were kind of in the middle of something.
“I chose this show because of you. Even before I knew how you felt, you were on my mind all the time.”
Good, Finn thinks, but he’s too busy kissing his way along Will’s neck to say so. When he reaches Will’s mouth he slides his hand down Will’s back, kissing him hard as Finn cups his ass to pull Will flush against him. Will moans against his mouth and turns into the kiss, lips parted to let Finn in.
His hands slide down Finn’s sides to push up under his shirt, cold against his skin and making Finn shiver again. If Will notices this time he doesn’t say anything; he’s too busy kissing Finn back, making little sighing noises against his mouth and kind of rolling his hips against Finn’s in a way that’s as frustrating as it is hot.
There’s some girl on Will’s TV singing about how great it is to be a woman, and when Will pulls away to look down at him, Finn glances toward the screen. “How does this show remind you of me again?”
Will laughs and presses a kiss against his chin, teeth grazing Finn’s skin in a way that probably shouldn’t turn him on as much as it does. Then again, everything about Will turns him on, so he figures he better start getting used to it.
“It’s about a singer going off to the war, and the producer who’s thinking about finally settling down.”
“With the soldier?” Finn asks, glancing at the screen again, because he’s pretty sure Will wouldn’t get away with that after Rocky Horror.
“No, with his secretary,” Will answers, mouth on Finn’s jaw to kiss his way down Finn’s neck.
“So how does it end?” Finn asks, his voice breaking a little when Will’s teeth catch his earlobe and tug.
“The producer gets married and the singer goes to war,” Will answers. He pulls back to look at Finn, hands braced on either side of Finn’s shoulders and searching his face like he’s trying to figure something out. “Finn, what...”
“I have to go back,” Finn interrupts, and he said he didn’t want to think about it now, but they have to talk about it sometime, and maybe it’s better if they just get it over with. “I’ll be gone at least another year, probably longer.”
“I know,” Will says, but he still looks confused. “It’s okay, Finn.”
“Is it? I mean, I’m not gonna change my mind, but it’s a long time to ask you to wait around.”
“I’ll wait,” Will answers, almost before Finn’s finished talking, then he leans in and presses a surprisingly soft kiss to the corner of Finn’s mouth. “I love you, Finn. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
And it’s not like it’s a big surprise; he’s known for years that Will loves him, but there’s a difference between love and in love, and hearing Will say it out loud makes Finn’s heart beat so hard he knows Will can feel it. But it’s okay, because Will already loves him, which means he won’t mind if Finn has a heart attack or whatever on his couch.
“Yeah,” Finn says, then, “I love you too,” just so he won’t sound like a total moron. But a second later it doesn’t matter, because Will’s pressing him back into the couch and kissing him slow, like he’s never planning to let Finn get away again.
The thought makes the ball of tension in his stomach knot up again, and when he feels his throat go dry he tries to swallow down the panic. He’s not even sure why he’s panicking, but every time he thinks about leaving Will his heart races and his palms start to sweat and he has to fight the urge to hold on too tight, because as soon as he does Will’s going to know he’s losing it.
“Finn,” Will whispers, then, “shh,” and, “it’s okay,” and that’s even worse, because it means Will can tell he’s barely holding on. It takes him a few seconds to realize he’s shaking, fingers digging into Will’s back and holding on so tight they’re going to leave marks.
“Shh,” Will says, against his mouth this time. “I know.”
But Will can’t know, because if he knew all the things that kept Finn awake at night, he wouldn’t be here right now. He wouldn’t be pressing kisses to Finn’s eyelids, to his cheeks and his chin and his lips, tongue scraping along a day’s worth of stubble and and his whole body pinning Finn to the couch.
He’s holding on just as tight as Finn, warming him from his chin all the way to his ankles. Keeping him safe and warm and grounded, holding on like he’s never planning to let go. And Finn knows they can’t stay here forever, but it feels true, like maybe this really is exactly where he belongs.
“You’re okay. I’ve got you,” Will says, and Finn wants to laugh, because it’s kind of a cheesy thing to say, but he’s too busy trying not to cry.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles into Will’s shoulder, face pressed against his skin so he won’t have to see Will’s expression.
But Will’s never been about letting him hide, so Finn’s not surprised when he eases back to look down at Finn again. He braces himself for the moment when Will asks what he’s sorry for, because he doesn’t have an answer. But instead Will just reaches out and curves a hand around his cheek, thumb tracing his jaw and the look on his face makes Finn’s heart pound so hard he thinks it might come right out of his chest.
“Does this happen a lot?”
When Finn shakes his head his lips brush the pad of Will’s thumb, and he turns into Will’s touch and presses a kiss to the center of his palm. “A couple times, right after they made us see the doctor. It hasn’t happened in a while.”
It’s not exactly the truth; it’s happened more than a couple times, mostly on the nights when they’re out in the field and they have to dig ditches to sleep in to shelter them from stray explosions. On those nights he still wishes for a few drinks to knock him out, just so he won’t have to think about what he’s missing back home and whether or not he’s going to get back to it.
But he’s home now, and it’s not fair that he’s freaking out when Will’s right here with him, fingers stroking through his hair and murmuring about how it’s going to be all right, how he’s not going anywhere and Finn’s safe or whatever. He thinks about telling Will that that’s not the problem, but he has a feeling Will already knows. He knows and he’s saying it anyway because he doesn’t know what else to do, which means Will probably feels just as helpless as Finn.
That shouldn’t make him feel better. And it doesn’t, mostly, because Will always knows what to do. But this is new territory for both of them, so as long as Will’s there to help him figure it out, Finn figures they’ll get through it.
He forces himself to relax his grip, and when Will shifts his weight, Finn tries not to freak out and tug him close again. But he doesn’t try to move away; he just stretches out on the couch behind Finn, chest pressed to Finn’s back and one arm hooked tight around his waist. He pulls Finn close and presses a kiss to the side of his neck, then he settles down to watch the rest of the show.
The kid on stage is singing a song Finn’s heard before, and when Will starts singing along under his breath, Finn reaches down to cover Will’s hand with his own. When he gets to the part about spreading sunshine all over the place Will’s voice gets a little louder, and Finn grins and relaxes back into him.
“He’s good,” Finn says, nodding toward the screen, but when Will laughs close to his ear Finn knows he understands.
“I’d love to take credit, but he was already pretty great when I got my hands on him,” Will answers, and when he leans in to kiss Finn’s neck, he feels Will’s smile curving against his skin.