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In Thought.....

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Tobin in thought…..

The warmth of her back against my front was all I really needed.  Our relationship had continued to grow stronger and our bond was unbreakable.  Of all the paths I could have taken in my life, I knew this was the right one.  Sure we would get into tiffs now and again, but in fact we never fought each other.  The respect we shared allowed us to manage our differences.  A special trait we both embraced.  I don’t think either one of us liked conflict; instead we chose to listen and appreciated one another’s differences.  Now, we did not agree on everything.  We had some pretty heated discussions at times.  But once the discussion settled we chose to agree to disagree.  That’s how we rolled.

Planning our wedding day was no exception.  Alex had a vision and so did I.   Simple has always been my motto for life.  Alex was sophisticated and she felt some things in life had to be done a certain way.  I was lucky; Alex didn’t mind the bill paying and bank reconciliations.  I had no interest in these things and preferred cleaning in between surfing and being a foodie.  We were always there to help each other and somehow it just worked.  We had many late night discussions about how some things would get done, but in the end we always figured it out. I’ve never been one to follow rules.  Rules restrict one’s freedom.  However, sometimes rules can’t be avoided and I grew to understand that fact..  Alex was always there to help steer me through the rules.  She’s an angel in my mind. 

Alex shifted pushing my mind off its track.  “Morning baby,” Alex said as she turned to face me.  “Morning beautiful,” I smiled.  She leaned in and kissed my lips pulling me closer to her.  I loved how her body felt next to mine.  My hand caressed her back and found its resting place on her upper thigh. I traced my thumb along the hem on her pros and she nestled further into my body.

“How did you sleep?” She just lifts her head and smiles at me.  I winked back and she raises her eyebrow.  She kissed my lips and whispered, “great”. 

“When do you want to head out?” “Not quite yet.  I have something to give you.  She smirked and before I knew it our clothes were off and Alex was heading south.  Here touch was intoxicating and it did not take long for me to fall over the edge.   Alex kissed her way up my body to my lips and she laid her body on top of mine.  Satisfied, I pulled her in and we both fell back asleep for a while longer. 

All of a sudden Alex body jerked.  She woke up in a panic.  “Oh my God Tobin, wake up!  We are supposed to meet mom and Jerri at the florist.” We both jumped up as if someone had thrown cold water on us.  We jumped out of bed and into the shower. My heart was racing.   Alex stepped out first and threw a towel around her wet body and grabbed her phone while I dried off.  She texted her mom and told her we were running late and would meet them in an hour.  “Jerri and my mom are going to kill us.”  I slowly slid my hands around Alex waist making sure to keep the towel in place. “Hey, take a deep breath.  It will be ok. They will understand.” Alex looked at Tobin’s calm face. “How do you not panic?” “It’s ok Lex.”

They got dressed and headed out with wet hair and sandals.  Not Alex’s preferred look; but for me right in line with my style.  Everything went as planned at the florist and the women decided to have lunch.  I was starving seeing we kind of missed out on breakfast. 

I was happy with the flowers we picked out.  Alex liked my idea of being married on the beach with our toes in the sand and I told her she could design the flowered trellis that would frame us in front of all our friends and family.

After lunch Jerri decided to hang out with us.  We went back to the condo and grabbed our beach stuff.  Of course I had my surfboard in hand and Alex and Jerri took in the sun while I road some of the waves.

“Tobin is so good for you Al.” Alex just smiled at her sister.  “Does she ever get upset or mad? She is so chill.” “We have figured each other out.  We try to spend our energy on what matters and stay away from stressing about the small stuff. We are different in many ways but the same where it matters most,” Alex explained. Tobin’s Reiki is helping me to be more balanced and less reactive.  She helps me let go of what is not important.  We all get so hung up on the little things and they can really impact your life if you let them.” “Wow, I never thought anyone could calm you down.  Kudos to Tobin.  That is her vibe and influence.”  “I love when she gives me Reiki.  Daily frustrations melt away.” Jerri smiled as she looked into her sisters facial expression and could see how happy she was.

Tobin decided to take a break.  She grabbed her towel and laid it beside Alex’s chair.  “Hey how were the waves.”  “Not bad, caught a few good rides, met a couple new people.”  Jerri smiled.  Tobin stretched out on her stomach for a while and started to doze off. 

Alex and Jerri decided to go down to the water and they let Tobin rest.  When they got back, Alex knelt down and kissed her sleeping fiancé.  No movement from the girl.  Alex looked at Jerri and shrugged her shoulders.  “She can sleep anywhere,” Alex mouthed to Jerri.  Alex opened the cooler they brought and grabbed a few snacks.  The crackle of opening up food packages woke Tobin.  Alex and Jerri laughed.  “My kiss didn’t wake you but the food does.  Well, that tells me what order I am on the pecking list.”  Tobin slowly got up and she walked over to the cooler and then knelt down beside Alex.  She leaned in and kissed Alex.  “You’re definitely first on the list babe.”  She smiled and grabbed a pack of chips along with her sandwich. It was a perfect day.


Alex in thoguht....


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Alex in thought….

As Alex held her future wife, she thought about how lucky she was to have found such a kind and compassionate woman.  Alex gently pulled Tobin closer.  Was it her smile, her swag her charm?  Maybe it was her integrity her passion for life.  Maybe it was her gift to put others first.  Tobin walked each day with a calm sense and purpose.  In Alex’s mind she was perfect.

She drew in the softened scent of Tobin’s CK fragrance and smiled at how amazing this girl was in her arms.  Alex recalled the day when Tobin helped a five year old girl out of a tree.  The girl had climbed up and was scared to come back down.  Tobin in her non-threatening way asked the girl if she could climb up and hang out with her.  The girl nodded shyly and within a few seconds my girlfriend at the time, pulled herself up that tree showing her strength and agility and sat beside the shaking little girl.  I watched, alongside some neighbors and the little girl’s mom.   The magic that Tobin used to calm the girl and make her feel like everything would be alright was awe-inspiring. 

Tobin sat beside that girl whose name was Grace.   Tobin in her non-threatening way began to talk to the girl and put her at ease.  I have to say she has had the same effect on me.  Next thing we see is the girl climbing onto Tobin’s back.  Tobin loosened her belt and had the girl slide her legs through the gaps on each side of her hips.  This gave the girl confidence that she would not slip off of Tobin’s back.  Grace wrapped her arms around Tobin’s neck and Tobin slowly climbed down.  Grace’s mom ran over.  She lifted her up pulling her legs out from the belt loops.  “Thank you so much for getting my daughter down from that tree.”  Tobin just smiled.  This scene warmed my heart.  Tobin was so patient and gentle and I knew that she would make a terrific parent.  As we left Tobin reached out for my hand and smiled at me.  All I could say was, “You’re amazing.”  Tobin moved her arm up over my shoulder and I leaned into her with full commitment.

In my mind that was an telling experience seeing the one you love care and help someone else in need.  This woman in my arms is warm and compassionate and I’m so blessed to be marrying her.   My mind went quiet and I fell back to sleep.  Taken by my dream, I feel Tobin running her fingers along my ear and the side of my face.  I open my eyes and respond to the gentle kiss that is placed on my lips.  After our lips separate, I hear a good morning and then the question, “What do you want for breakfast….I’m starving”.  Of course I smirk and laugh lightly.  Time to get up my lady.  “How about I make you waffles?” I smile and she pulls me up and out of bed.  Her strong arms give my bare skin goose bumps and I just melt into her warmth.  It was not easy to pull myself.  I was in a comfortable spot.  Tobin kissed my neck and I looked into her soft brown eyes and kissed her lips.  We broke apart and I grab my robe and we head to the kitchen.

Tobin and I talk more about our wedding day that morning over breakfast.  We had received rsvp’s from most of our friends and family and set our minds to finishing our favors for the wedding.  After that was completed we were ready for the day to arrive.  We had picked out our dresses, and made the choice not to share the style until we actually saw each other on our wedding day.  Both of us wanted to be walked down the aisle with our dad’s and it would be in that moment that we would finally reveal our dress choice.

“Hey babe, what are you thinking?”  Alex reached her arms around Tobin’s neck and kissed her cheek as she reached over the back of the sofa.  “I’m just thinking about our wedding day and how special it’s going to be sharing our love with all our friends and family.  We are so lucky we have all their support.”  Alex smiled and squeezed her fiancé tighter.  Tobin turned slightly and looked into my eyes with a soft and caring look.  “I love you.”

Alex walked around the sofa and sat herself in Tobin’s lap.  “I love you too baby.”   Tobin smiled and shifted Alex closer to her.  As Tobin held Alex she felt the energy and love moving through her body.  Tobin’s energy was calm and safe.  “I could stay here all day,” Alex said.  “Me too,” Tobin replied.

Alex heard her phone buzz and she reached over to see who was texting her.  “Hey Alex, what are you and Tobin up to?”  “Hey Kel, we just finished some wedding stuff.”  “I wanted to know if you wanted to meet me and Ann for dinner later?”  “Tobin and I would love to meet you.”  “Ok, we will pick you up around 5:30pm and we can decide where to go.” “Perfect, see you then.”

Alex set down her phone and pulled Tobin close.  “I have a great idea.”  “What’s that babe,” Tobin replied.  “I own you a back massage remember.”  Tobin smirked, and in one swift move, lifted Alex up and walked down the hall towards the bedroom.

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Tobin in thought….

As I look at her I sometimes have to pinch myself.  She is not perfect even though many think she is.  She is fun, insecure, beautiful and cautious.  To outsiders Alex looks to be perfect.  Well, like all of us she has her doubts and scuffles.  One thing is for sure in my mind, she is perfect to me and our love was like no other.  The day she shared her feeling with me was special.  I could sense our relationship was shifting in a different direction.  We had been close friends for years and neither one of us was willing to accept the shift at first.  We had always been physically close and had shared a bed for many years in purely a plutonic way.  But the day Alex found out she had a severe bone bruise and would have to stay off her foot for up to six months was a kick in the teeth after already being out and off her foot for a month.  This all started at a Thorn’s practice when she got a strong challenge.  The injury was pushed off and Alex kept playing through the pain hoping the injury would go away.  Well as time went on I saw my friend begin to shrink.  Her larger than life bold persona began to fade and I began to worry.  We had many conversations and hug out and spent many weekends together as Alex progressed through this injury.  I witnessed the disappointing doctor visits with no progress on healing.  I witnessed the melt downs and the sadness.  As time went on I could see that Alex needed me in a different way than in the past.  I have always given emotional support. But this time it was different.  Alex was reaching, reaching for my shoulder to cry on and reaching for my arms to hold her.  As time went on, I felt the bond between us grow and I knew our friendship would never be the same.  As I held her she would look straight at me, tears and sadness in those blue her eyes.  I would pull her tight to me and tell her she would heal and she would hold tight to me and express how she felt so frustrated and helpless.  To the public she would still go to countless events and keep a positive face.  In my arms she would express all her fears.  I knew that I was a great support to her and as we grew closer it happened.  Alex shared her feeling first.  She told me she loved me and I melted in her arms.  We shared an intimate moment and after expressing of feelings on love for each other, Alex reached up and held her hand to my face and she softly kissed my lips.  My insides turned like a gymnast and I smiled back and her and kissed her back.  That was the moment.  We knew that our bond was special and would never be broken. 

Alex finally got past her injuries and she came out of it a stronger person and we came out as a couple.  We were not sure what the repercussions would be, but neither of us cared.  We loved each other and that is all that mattered….my mind snapped back as I heard Alex say ouch as she got scratched by one of the shrubs.

Alex was big into gardening and I loved to help her as she worked on our flower beds.  As I sat on the bags of mulch that needed to be spread, I just watched in amazement at how careful and thoughtful Alex was as she worked on trimming and planting.  No one would ever believe that Alex would have a green thumb. Many of our friends especially Kelley never thought Alex would have the patience to garden or would like to get dirty.  Well they were wrong.  Gardening was a meditation a relaxation in many ways.  It gave Alex time to think and reflect and enjoy the simple things. She was able to let go of a lot of stress and that helped balance her life.

There she was, my girl on her hands and knees in the dirt planting.  She was an image to behold.  Watching her work made me fall in love with her all over again.  She sat back on her heals and looked over to me giving we an air kiss and a wink.  My heart grew soft.  Alex is an amazing women and truly one of a kind.  Those blue eyes are incredible and draw me in every time.

“Tobin, I’m ready for the mulch.” I pull myself up off the stack of bags and lift one bag onto my shoulder and drop it where Alex directs me.  “Thanks Babe.”  I bend down beside her and cut the bag open and drop the contents beside her.  We look at each other and Alex kisses my cheek and we both begin to spread the mulch by hand in and around the shrubs and newly planted flowers.  “Thanks for helping me today Babe, I love having you out here with me.  I smile and kiss her back on the shoulder. 

Alex and Tobin had made the decision to have the reception at their condo following the ceremony on the beach.  They wanted to put their money into the food and open bar so everyone could relax and enjoy themselves along with not worrying about running out of time in a rented hall. 

I continued to help move the remaining bags of mulch and enjoyed watching Alex work her magic.  “Hey Al, after we finish this I think we should order in and watch a movie.  What do you think?”  “That sounds great.”  We finished within an hour and picked up the tools and empty bags and went inside.  Alex slowly walked up the stairs and as she slowed down she leaned back into my front.  I reached my arms around her waist and held her close.  She whispered in my ear and it did not take me long to follow her into the shower. 

I watch her undress as I did the same and my eyes traced the outline of her toned frame.  As I stepped into the shower I smiled and reached my arms around Alex and hugged her.  We held each other for a minute enjoying the rain shower as it fell over our bodies.  We did not have to say a word.  Our hands talked for us as we caressed and washed each other.  We finished our shower and got dressed.

Next thing I hear is the doorbell.   “I’ll grab it.”  I took the bag and tipped the delivery guy.  As I closed the door Alex came downstairs.  She grabbed some plates and utensils and we sat on the sofa and opened our Chinese food on the coffee table.  I poured a couple glasses of wine and we called up Netflix and decided on a movie.  As we settled in, Alex snuggled up next to me loving the closeness.  We never ended up seeing the end of the movie.  In my mind this will never get old. 

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Alex in thought….

Waking up nestled against Tobin is one of my favorite places to be.  Her warm body is a difficult thing to break away from.  I sleep the best when I’m close to her and in a couple weeks this beautiful women beside me will be my wife to have and to hold.  I laid quiet beside her listening to her breathing.  I take in a deep breath myself and say a prayer of thanks for her.  Mom was right.  I will never find another person as special.  The first time I introduced Tobin to my parents they immediately fell in love with her.  She has a charisma that draws you in.   The day we decided to come out to my parents, we did not feel hesitant about it.  My parents have always been loving and supportive and I think Tobin felt that right away.  As we sat and talked about our relationship with them, again they could see the special bond we shared.  My mom and Tobin always got into these deep discussions about faith and fate.  They could talk all day.  I thank God that my parents are open.  Tobin’s parents on the other hand were a bit more of a challenge.   They truly admired our friendship and as they saw the connection we shared and their walls started to come down.  Thankfully we have the support of Tobin’s sisters and they helped to bridge the gap over time and they accepted our love for each other. 

As I pulled Tobin in a little closer, she shifts slightly but does not wake up.  I hear a small moan and that gets my mind moving south.  Just thinking about Tobin gets me eager and I squeeze my thighs together to try and push off the sensation.  My mind begins to wander and I remember back to the first time we made love.  It was special.  We had been dating for a few months.  Tobin had asked me over for dinner.  She made a recipe that Megan had tried and it turned out perfect. After dinner we hung out on the couch and watched a movie we had seen a few times before.  At one point she turned her head to look at me and leaned in and whispered into my ear.  I fell apart when I heard her words.  I could not respond.

I looked up into those welcoming brown eyes and kissed her lips.  Tobin pulled back and smiled.  “Is that a yes.” I nodded.  She stood up and reached out her hand and pulled me up.  In one fell swoop she picked me up and I wrapped my legs around her waist and she carried me to the bedroom. 

Slowly laying me down, she began to kiss my neck and her hand glazed over the exposed skill between my tank top and pros.  Tobin paused a minute and looked at me.  She continued to kiss my neck and her hand moved upward towards my breast.  Her fingers passed over my nipple several times making it stand and at the same time igniting my core.  I moaned and she kissed my chin and then moved to my lips.  Her hand moved to my center.  Just the pressure along, made me shift my hips upward to increase the intensity.  She looked at me and said, “I want to make love to you.” I……

Not realizing I was dreaming, I felt Tobin wake up and stretch and my thoughts vanished.  My core was still on fire and as Tobin looked at me she noticed my eyes were dark.  She smiled and told me she would be right back.  After returning from the bathroom Tobin has noticed I pulled a blanket on top of me to replace the warmth that was missing from her body. Tobin sat down next to me and she kissed me again.  I tasted toothpaste on her lips.  Tobin did not say a word.  The next thing I knew she was carrying me to the bedroom and my dream became reality.  She laid me down and in turn pulled off her tank and she helped me remove mine.  She laid down on top of me our torsos pressed together. It was wonderful to be this close.  Her warmth had returned to me and I did not want to let go.   The next thing I felt was her kissing my neck and she slowly moved to my breasts.  Oh the feeling.  She did not have to work too hard. My core was already half way to the goal line.

Tobin slid off my pros and she kissed down my body and dropped her head between my legs.  She used her thumbs to open me and she slowly pushed her tongue into my center. The sensation was incredible.  She had the ability to curl her tough in such a way that it felt like a soft finger.  She continued this movement and then kissed and licked my delicate clit.  She was pushing me closer and closer to the edge.  Then she stopped. I wined.  She moved herself up my body and kissed my lips.  I tasted myself.  We kissed passionately and I slid my thighs together to keep the sensation going. “Baby I need you.” “I know. I just wanted to kiss you a minute and look into the blue eyes I love.” These words drove me crazy.  Tobin is so gentle and deliberate in her love making.  I was so close.  She made her way back to my most sensitive spot.  I tried to hold back and relax, but I was slowly losing the battle.  Tobin’s tongue was amazing.  It only took a couple more kisses and licks and I came.  I came multiple times and Tobin kept still just applying pressure as I shook for what seemed like a minute.  The satisfaction she gave me was indescribable. 

I finally relaxed fully and Tobin pulled me close to her. “You felt wonderful.” Tobin was so happy. “I’m glad I could make you feel wonderful.” Tobin kissed the top of my head and we drifted off content and in love.

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Tobin in thought….
I woke up with an arm around my waist and a head on my shoulder. As my eyes opened, I scanned our bedroom and lay quiet. Our wedding day was just around the corner. Most of the preparation was done and we were awaiting the day. Our dresses were hidden away out of sight of each other and the rings were stored in our top dresser drawer. What a journey it has been getting to this place. If you had asked me five years ago if I would be in this place, I would have said no. The stressful nights from the past and all the crap Alex went through with Servando, was now a distant memory. I’m so thankful Alex saw his true colors and had the strength to walk away. I know my friendship and support was a guiding factor in Alex having the strength to move on. I’m so happy she did.
Today we were planning on picking up Kelley and Anne at the airport and tomorrow Allie and her husband were arriving. We are so happy we decided to have the reception in our back yard. We could have invited so many more people, but we decided to keep it small and more intimate. I’m stoked that we are actually being married on the beach in our bare feet. Alex was not real keen on the idea at first, but over time I convinced her it would be sweet to feel the sand between our toes and she finally agreed. Many of my friends have wondered why I did not choose to wear a white shirt and shorts for the ceremony and jokingly a white snap back. Alex and I joked about that, but in fact wearing a dress was what I always thought I would wear on my wedding day so I decided to stick with it.
I felt Alex’s hand twitch on my bare hip and she shifted her head slightly and looked up at me. “Good morning baby.” I pulled here closer and kissed the top of her head. “Morning.” Alex glided her fingertips over my stomach. She loved tracing that imaginary line between my hip bones. I’m not going to lie, she felt amazing.
Alex continued to caress my lower stomach and hips and the next thing I knew she shifted and in turn was straddling me smiling. She lowered herself and our skin pressed together was powerful. I laced my fingers through her hair while she began to kiss my neck. She was focused on one thing, returning the favor of last night. Her touch was soft and deliberate. I loved it. She slid her hand down to my breast and played and lightly pinched my nipple until it was hard. This further fed the aching in my center. She moved her knee between my legs placing pressure where I needed it most and she kissed my lips. I further shifted my hips enjoying the contact. “I love you baby,” Alex whispered and smiled into our kiss.
Alex’s fingers caressed my side and her hand ended up moving downward and slipped in between my legs. She pushed on my leg, the cool air releasing some of the heat from my core. She rubbed and massaged my inner thigh and teased me a little, which honestly I enjoyed. She came so close but did not touch my center. The anticipation was building. I placed both my hand on her face and kissed her increasing the force. Our passionate kiss triggered her to move her hand towards my most sensitive spot and in a few seconds she had found my core and slowly slid her finger into the wet center. I moaned and she in turn added another finger.
She rubbed me with the pads of her fingers. I tried to relax but the sensation encouraged my inner muscles to squeeze her fingers. She felt this and began to pull out then pushed back in, then back out, then back in. My wet center was contributing to her success and I was getting close to giving in. She stopped a moment and looked at me. “I know your close baby, try to make it last.” Her words almost tipped the cart, but I held off. She gently kissed my lip and neck and then she moved down to my breast. She licked and flicked my nipple with her tongue. I had to come. Alex continued to kiss my breast and she pulled her fingers out and played with the clit. It only took another moment and she slid her fingers back in and I was overcome with that sweet spasm. The movement sent me over and I pulled her close as I shook. She looked into my eyes and smiled. “I love you babe.” Alex moved to my side and she rested her hand on my stomach. “I love you more.”