Severus jammed his wand into the other wizard's throat and literally snarled.
"P—please don't h—hurt me!"
"I don't want to hurt you," spat Severus, applying one knee to the other man's groin while assessing the cat's condition, "but it will have to do."
The cruel sod fell to the ground as Severus Summoned a soft towel and approached his patient.
"Agreed," Severus remarked, before Disapparating.
"Don't touch them. She doesn't like it. She might—"
"Mrreeowww . . ."
Without being told, Crookshanks left the room, his tail puffed and waving.
Hermione giggled, and then frowned, calling, "Crooks?" as she rose and went after him.
"That's right," Severus said to Spithead, the hint of a smile causing his mouth to twitch. "'Spithead' is a perfectly apt name for you, isn't it?"
Spithead groomed and purred, groomed and purred, and Severus wondered how he and Hermione were going to manage a household of five cats.
"Because there's no question of giving any of you up."
"Well, of course not!" Hermione said, as Crookshanks glared down at the little family from her arms.