Sam already knew. Of course he knew. But that doesn't change the fact that he feels like all the air got sucked out of the room. His head is dizzy, his chest is tight, and his legs are weak. If he wasn't already sitting down, he'd surely have fallen down.
He wants to believe Dean. He hates this doubt within him. HATES IT! But, how else to explain the shifter taking Amara's form?
Dean can see the wheels turning in Sammy's head. He can feel the dread coming off Sammy in waves and it kills him. Dean wants nothing more to assure him that he has nothing to worry about, but that'd be a lie. They both know it.
"Sammy. I'm connected to her. I am. I fucking wish I wasn't, but... I am. It's real and it's strong, and it very well may be my undoing. For real this time." Dean can't help but look off to give a sad little chuckle at that. Then he makes sure to look Sammy straight in the eye for this next part. If Sammy only believes one thing Dean says, please God, let it be this.
"But it's not love. It could NEVER be love."
Sam has to fight back the tears in his eyes and the lump in his throat as he hears Dean's words. After a moment, with what feels like his last breath, he's finally able to form a reply. It's no louder than a whisper.
"Really. That's just for you Sammy. Only you."
And just like that, Sam can breathe again.
In fact, Sam involuntarily takes quite a few audible breaths as a few tears break through. He angrily wipes them away as he stares at the floor. Dean immediately falls to his knees and wraps his arms around him. Sam barely makes out Dean's words, but definitely hears the worry in his voice. He wishes he could control himself better. The last thing he wants to do is upset Dean. He doesn't want to waste the time they have left. Their next death will surely be their last. Whether it comes in a few weeks, or years and years, it doesn't matter. Any time spent upset, is time wasted. They've already been through so much! He's done avoiding. Done regretting. Done with all of it! Sam just wants to be able to enjoy their time together. Starting now.
Sam pulls back from Dean's shoulder and instantly presses his lips against Dean's. It doesn't take long for Dean to tighten his fingers in Sammy's hair and kiss him right back. Before he knows it, Sam is out of his chair and falls with Dean to the floor. They quickly become a tangle of limbs as they push against each other. For a few moments Dean will be on top grinding into Sam, just for Sam to roll them over so he can thrust against Dean. All the while, moans of pleasure pass between them.
Sam's hand starts to work its way between Dean's legs, but Dean shoves it away so he can pull off Sammy's shirt. Dean can never get enough of Sammy shirtless. He's a fucking piece of art. Dean's hands roam over every inch of skin they can reach, before he just has to get his mouth on him as well. Sam lets Dean guide him down on his back, and tries to watch as Dean slowly runs his tongue all along his abs. Sam wants to see, but it feels too good to hold his head up any longer. He winds up resting his head back as he arches up into Dean's sweet mouth. Dean takes his time worshiping Sammy's body, moving gradually from one pectoral to the other. He teases Sammy with licks, kisses, and the occasional graze of his teeth. When he reaches Sammy's throat he very lightly licks up his neck and whispers in his ear, "My Sammy."
Sam can only respond with a whimper before flipping them over yet again. He crashes his mouth to Dean's for a short, but intense kiss, before pulling away to shed the last bit of clothes between them. Sam moves to lay down on top of Dean, but Dean shakes his head and again carefully pushes Sam to lay down on his back. He hovers above Sammy and gives him a ghost of a kiss. Sam needs more. He reaches out for Dean's hip and gently pulls him down. Finally, they're skin to skin which makes them both let out a groan. Sam holds Dean close with one arm, and moves the other between them. It's not long before Dean's arm joins him.
Neither man can seem to catch their breath, both are breathing heavily and holding tight to each other, as they get closer and closer to ecstasy.
"Fuck Sammy, don't stop."
He doesn't. Sam's hand moves faster and faster and faster.
"I've got you Dean. I've got you."
Sammy's voice…his hand…his body…his heart pumping so fast and so close to his own…it all becomes too much. It's too good. Dean's close, so close.
Sam is too. Holding Dean…his Dean…feeling him tremble in his arms with excitement…because of him…because he loves him. He loves him.
Suddenly Sam throws his head back and drops his jaw. Dean gets a glimpse at Sammy while he's having his moment, and follows it quickly with his own.
When Dean's able, he brushes Sammy's hair back and turns his face towards him.
Dean looks at Sammy and desperately wants to say all that's in his heart, but he just can't.
"Sammy…" Sam can see the struggle within Dean and swiftly stops it.
"I know Dean. It's ok. I know."
The world around them disappears. Gone is the doubt, the pain, and the fear. The only thing that even exists is their love.