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The Velociraptor Diaries

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Setting – coffeeshop, post-apocalypse, IN SPACE, Alternate Universe – college (sort of), yes velociraptors go to grad school too, Alternate Universe – Time Travel, but not your mom’s Oxford Time Travel Universe, Fusion – Adrian Mole (All Media Types), Fusion – Bridget Jones, AO3 is run by trolls, velociraptors are trolls, FFA is full of trolls, Homestuck is filthy with trolls, Hobbit fandom is filthy with orcs, freeform tags are the best!, Collection – Needs More Dinosaurs!, EVERYTHING needs more dinosaurs, mammals are dumb, but tasty sometimes, Crossover – Teen Wolf, Crossover – The Sentinel (2016 Reboot) , Fandom – Fungus Poetry, Crossover – Elementary, Crossover – The Pillow Book, Crossover – James Bond movies, Crossover – The Duchess, Fandom – Fandom, Fandom – Western Media Fandom [this tag has not yet been marked common and can’t be filtered on], Fandom – token mention of non Western Media Fandom [just pathetic, tag wrangler really hopes you're kidding], Crossover – Doctor Who, how many times must it be explained that the lunar base and the seal-and-pony-compound are two separate places?, just one clue: there are no cars to steal at the lunar base, the occasional joint parties are EPIC though, no one mixes margaritas like Mycroft, no, not THAT Mycroft, fucking summary field WHY do you have character limits?, Crossover – Vampire Diaries (TV), Crossover – Das Kapital - Karl Marx/North and South - Elizabeth Gaskell [this tag is unwrangleable], Alternate Universe – A/B/O, Crossover – Homeland, Crossover – Avengers (2012 film), Crossover – Supernatural, Fandom – onion chopping [you’re joking again, right?], Crossover – Sherlock (TV), Fandom – Drinking and Hangovers [this tag has been marked as common], Crossover – Tumblr SJ fandom, Crossover – Temeraire, Crossover – Ghost Soup Infidel (All Media Types), Fandom – RaceFail 09, Crossover – My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Fandom – Hockey, Crossover – The Avengers (TV), Crossover – Star Trek (All Media Types), Fandom – Migratory Slash Fandom [this tag has exceeded the maximum number of linked metatags and subtags, please contact support], pls rd & review, absolutely NONE of this was written while drunk, contains: offscreen sibling incest, maybe, contains: offscreen character deaths, maybe, contains: possible offscreen kinks of various kinds, contains: trolls and trolling, so much trolling, also ALL the fucking feels, fuck I forgot to include an Original Male Dog, why don’t aja or tfv ever rec my fic, god I hate tagging, friends don't let friends drink and post, except when they do, freeform tags are horrible, eating your mods is a bad idea, this sucks dont read it, I miss life was simple back then, still doesn’t taste like chicken, RPF, RVF

627th Year, Post-Virus Era.

These fragments were found during recent explorations of the ruins found on the abandoned satellite orbiting "I Sol III."

Although some of the words can be translated into Current Standard, most of their meanings are lost, and due to environmental degradation the original order of the fragments is unknown.

Therefore we present them in the form and order they were found in, as part of the "Diverse Voyages" art exhibit we are proud to host this cycle at branch #836,725 of the Honest Guild of Stellar Provisioners of Invigorating and Restful Beverages. Thank you for stopping by.

Dear Diary,

Today, went on meme and pretended to be a "Tory." Had to use bizarre ancient search tool called wikipedia to figure out what "Tory" was while trolling.

After digressions into Tori Amos and Tori Spelling, found self downloading and watching truly ancient holovid called "The Duchess." Was hoping it would provide more insight into cosplay + whips, dull stuff about Whigs instead. Perhaps should have convinced clutch-sib to adopt persona of "Keira Knightley Hating Anon" on meme rather than "Nathan Fillion Hating Anon" – Knightley possibly even more objectionable.

Dear Diary,

Am torn between two romantic interests: Stegosaurus really loves me and is sweet most of the time (plus spikey do is v. cute), but Daemonosaurus is extremely hot and has that bad-boy thing going for him. How to choose?

Oh wait, seem to have been watching too much of stupid vampire soap opera again while waiting for Elementary to get greenlit.

Dear Diary,

As "congratulations on your first co-authoring" present, received an MLP pastel drawing from research associates from one of the older hatchings. Framed original, so clutch-sibs v. complimentary, but still think am being mocked. Thought I'd made dislike for ponies, especially when forced to role-play, abundantly clear.

Much preferred (unsigned but v. nice) illustrated collection of "Lichen, Soil, Spores" poems that second-favorite clutch-sib gave me. Still not sure whether author exceptionally discreet one of us with secret minor in mycology, or random human.

Dear Diary,

Arrived safely! V. v. exciting to be part of first multi-year expedition to early 21st/late 20th century! Glimpses of primitive era's "pop" and "fannish" cultures seen in research journals back home highly intriguing, can't wait to study more in depth! And maybe come up with own research proposal someday! Thrilled, thrilled, thrilled that I got position as ninth junior adjunct research associate. Better yet, can lord it over younger interns!

Dear Diary,

Third-favorite clutch-sib and I, inspired by vintage holovids, investigated mixing vodka, tequila, gin, and sake. Experiment a success, but side-effects dubious: clutch-sib suddenly decided wants to create "webcomic" using terrible "bundled software," make it super-meta about trolls, or us, or coming of age or the end of life or some deep themes like that, also include lots of classist stuff and (unclear, both quite drunk by then) either royalty or Marxist theory.

(Marx: if remember right from ancient history lecture, was briefly popular fiction writer of family values and industrialization stories, also part of comedy trio -- others in trio may have been Freud and Jung Werther, also focused on alienation and production of family structures? -- but Marx's societal critique never took off in a big way, except for "North and South" which was adapted multiple times.)

Webcomic idea seemed entirely logical while drinking, but now, more sober, v. doubtful it makes sense or could ever gain viewers. Still, didn't tell third-favorite clutch-sib that; want to stay encouraging, not be party-pooping naysayer, also continue getting access to clutch-sib's amazing stash of liquor.

Dear Diary,

In awe of some of our expedition research leaders. Senior sociology lecturer Professor McGonagall (apparently named for ancient major literary figure?) and Esteemed Chronoflexene Scholar Neill Sam kept meme (and those of us on base) enthralled for hours with tale of "Magdalene laundry." Have never seen such teamwork and skill at using ancient search tools plus such brilliant live application of social behavior modeling techniques.

Dear Diary,

As part of fifth-favorite clutch-sib's research assignment into "Appropriation or Archiving – Meanings from Context" took quick hop back several decades to help raid BBC vaults.

Must say, that one quarry was indeed used *very* often. Also, decades later, internet still appears pissed at not being able to rewatch episodes we saved masters of. Bloody ungrateful. Can only hope their descendants in another hundred or so years are more appreciative.

Dear Diary,

Discovered had written brilliant crossover fic about Sei Shōnagon meeting Mr. Darcy and killing aliens with him (zombies so passé) while engaging in witty banter about modern manners and polite society. Hundreds of comments, thousands of kudos, recced everywhere.

Woke up, realized all a dream. Still not beloved Shonanonny, nor creator of Clint/Mr. Darcy, nor BNF fic writer. Instead must reformat and index all of Dr. Treebeard's notes before tonight's new episode of GSI: Sparklesilver (the one with the soulbonded vampire whales); Dr. T big fan, gets crotchety if work remains undone before airtime.

Dear Diary,

Today, entertained self by attempting to learn to chop actual onion to celebrate three years on base, two years on meme. YouTube videos all lies, plus extremely ableist – do not provide for claws *at all*.

Dear Diary,

For first unsupervised research assignment, made small skip to a few years back with two clutch-sibs. Unfortunately, jumped too far and discovered meme does not yet exist, nor does Teen Wolf.

In absence of other entertainment, clutch-sibs and I went on internet, and under various names started asking questions about writing "the other" of midlist genre writer. Eventually discovered and took over "50poc_books" community. (Note to self: look up what are "poc" and "race" – these concepts seem to be interestingly incendiary ones to internet.) Can't wait to hop ahead during next few days and angel-fund Tumblr while, with rest of hatchgroup, developing amusing new "winterfox" identity.

Dear Diary,

In the middle of writing primer for exciting fandom I just found, involves men with sticks. Am attempting to get primer reviewed and recced everywhere. Can't wait to see what meme and rest of internet think of it. Also non-media-fandom fans of men with sticks.

(Who knew? Hot TA from one of the older hatchings recently gave informative presentation on different types of fans and fandoms. And not just that anime and doujinshi stuff which some of the other hatchings are really into! Learned that some humans travel long distances to attend "concerts" or "fanciers' shows" or "games" – including for certain groups that meet as rarely as every four years – and barely interact through normal internet channels. Peculiar but fascinating behavior.)

Dear Diary,

Continue to love AMA threads. Pretending to be CIA!nonny using only secondary sources (fics, Bond movies, TV series starring Angela Chase) as prior research incredibly fun. Some day, should maybe actually read some non-fiction about Agency. Or not, probably v. dull.

Dear Diary,

Went to Wiscon with favorite (NFHA) clutch-sib. Naturally had to pretend not to know each other during meme meetup (and were disguised as humans. Cheap holodisguises v. irritating, chafe enormously. Tried and failed not to be envious of more senior, better funded researchers who get to use the latest, high-quality, non-chafing holocamouflage).

Panels okay but bit boring. Meetup v. disappointing; clutch-sib and I agreed afterwards that none of the other anons we met was ur-Sunny, plus one of them tasted distinctly off, even with ketchup *and* mustard.

Dear Diary,

Why do I always have to pretend to be Pinkie Pie? Thought life as time-traveling grad student would be much more glamorous. Instead am regularly forced to imitate *adorable* mammal on internet whenever Prof M says I haven't used correct citation format in rough notes, and worse, am under cruel ban from joining clutch-mates in 1966 tonight to watch The Avengers.

V. underwhelmed by recent film by the way. No sight of Emma Peel who is much hotter in catsuit than redhaired actress or annoying shield-slinging blond. (Note to self: when have free time again, must remember to troll meme about annoying shield-slinging blond or fandom's inability to write darkhaired attractive (because most-velociraptor-like) character sympathetically enough.)

Dear Diary,

After asking third-favorite clutch-sib last night (firm denial), today in all-hands and research review meeting asked which one of us was WS. Everyone including senior lecturers strenuously denied, even when swearing on Prof. M's first edition of "Spock's World." Also everyone said had no intentions to jump back and become WS.

Not sure whether to be surprised or worried: May have actually called forth demon (using dumb ritual from prematurely canceled show) while drunk, or (Dr. T mentioned some ancient human pop culture thing called Occam's Raiders?) may have succeeded in attracting wild troll of human variety. On the bright side, if latter, can probably write publishable paper about it!

Dear Diary,

Why did I ever start hms-anon after more senior research associate and idiot intern threw in the towel on modding LJ version? Comm behaves so stupidly, feel like deleting it on regular basis. But got too much flak on base few years ago over doing that with anonmeme for show about brothers and their car. And that Sherlock thing. And for starting "Bring Back the The Sentinel Reboot" campaign. Must try to remember to not always immediately act on ideas that come out of shot glasses.

Dear Diary,

Have been helping second-favorite clutch-sib (shy nerdy one) with research project for few months. Clutch-sib is brilliant! And has promised me fifth co-author credit (first two slots reserved for head of department/base and thesis supervisor, of course). Still, v. exciting!

Clutch-sib started using new acronym on meme, got several of us to discuss it, then we started visiting other fandom areas to spread it, and by now half of fandom uses it! And people on meme and elsewhere (not just us) use it to self-identify – unironically. Amazing! Later, fourth-favorite clutch-sib researched something called "nature documentaries" and "David Attenborough" and did comedy routine about it, v. hilarious. Meme thought so too.

After stunning success of MSF, second-favorite clutch-sib and fourth-favorite clutch-sib are proposing skipping back a year or two to see if can re-use nature documentary information to popularize some kind of biological trope called "knotting" and get related shared new AU/fic-verse to take off. Definitely want to be on that project too.

Dear Diary,

V. bad day. Was almost ready to start thinking of presenting my original research proposal to Doctor Phlymfg (to study "RPGs, Reality Shows, and Rimbaud - trends and intersectionality" through review of primary and secondary sources) when some clutch-mates from one of the older hatchings completely stole thunder.

Presented their stupid long-term research proposal which involves traveling back some decades and intimately experiencing nascent SJ culture, "first dotcom boom," vibrant city life, edgy corners of entertainment industry, blah blah blah. Plus creating identities as some kind of entrepreneur, acafan, and/or software designer who will write pop fiction about thinly disguised saurians, then two of them will pairbond (vintage holovids v. misleading, apparently only sets of two entities can pairbond in current era) and the same set (or maybe another grouping. Or two? Details unclear as was drinking heavily by that time) will take over chunk of fandom, then develop "infrastructure" and conduct multi-year social experiment. Think they mentioned it *not* being in learned helplessness, since remaining socio-psych-sauropology department IRBs stopped allowing those few hundred years ago. Still, got senior lecturers very excited.

Can predict already, will get approval plus hog all the funding and all the glory for this expedition's Senior Scholar candidates, and probably even get regular weeks off to visit not only local base but hometime. Showoff suck-ups. Only one thing to do: get more discreet of own clutch-sibs to help with subtly mocking their work in anonymous internet spaces.

Must study anonymity, hacking, discretion immediately. Also hangover cures. Again.

End Exhibit - thank you for visiting. Please purchase your next Invigorating or Restful Beverage from the Honest Guild of Stellar Provisioners - more than 40 trillion served! And remember that by mentioning the exhibit and this message, you are eligible to receive a 10% discount on your next order of a Frapped Beverage of your choice. (Limit one per customer.)