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Nightmare that never ends

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It all started with Johnny, stepping closer to Peter. Peter should’ve realized there was something wrong, because there was this look the guy had on his face, something that screamed villainy. Or well, just your usual Johnny Storm-nesness, which was sometimes worse.

Anyway. It all started with Johnny stepping closer, swallowing hard and looking at Peter as if he could answer half of his prayers.

“Hey Spidey, I was...uhm...thinking-“

Oh yeah – well, he was looking at Spider-man. Same person, different clothes, no real difference. Only maybe for the Human Torch who had no idea. And Peter realized he prefered it that way, with how crazy Johnny could get in public sometimes. He shuddered just imagining whatever the guy may think a good idea to do. Or he wouldn’t even need to do anything, Johnny was a celebrity. He was the center of all focus. Peter was happy with not pulling attention to himself. That wouldn’t be possible with Johnny at all.

“Oh! Wow! Really? Who are you and what have you done to the real Johnny Storm?!“ Peter asked, smirking behind the mask even though the other guy couldn’t see that. Well, he was mostly doing that smirking for himself anyway.

“Harr-harr.“ Johnny glared, before sighing. „But to the point, you DO know Peter Parker, right?“

That was a bit new. Peter was half tempted to go with no, no idea who that is, why are you even asking Johnny, come on, don’t you have anything better to do with your time? Peter was even eighty percent sure it would work. But sometimes, few times and far between it seemed like the little lightbulb appeared over Johnny’s head and he just put things together that Peter would never think him to able to – and that one of the few times Johnny reminded him of his sister.

And of course there was that part where Johnny liked to tease Peter with ‚did you see that last picture of you? You just had to be sticking out your ass like that. Do you do that on purpose?‘ and Johnny even mentioned how this ‚Peter Parker‘ had to be fixated on Spider-man. So pretending he didn’t know the name wouldn’t do him much good.

“Yeah, that little stalker, taking pictures of me, selling them to Bugle.“ Peter snarled, hoping he gave in enough distaste. “Peter ‘Omg Spiderman was looking at sunset! Is he waiting for invasion for his home planet to finally take over the word? How long we will tolerate this menace Parker?’” Peter huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “If you mean that Peter Parker, then yeah, I know him.“

“…right.” Johnny said and bit his lip, before looking down. Suddenly he seemed way more nervous than before.

“He is not really like that, you know. It´s his boss, Peter is just taking pictures and you HAVE to admit he is really good at his job!” Johnny said, looking up suddenly. “ Did you even see his work?” Johnny continued and Peter suddenly felt… something. He was proud of his job as Peter Parker, in a way. Uncle Ben always said that if Peter was doing something, he should do his best at it too, that he should really try. And yes, it wasn’t exactly easy to get the shots right always. To just think that this was how Johnny viewed his work - it made him strangely happy.

“You look so good on them, he surely knows how to take a snapshot of your crotch in HD, do you know how HARD it is?“

That happiness and proud feeling? Yeaaah. Gone. Peter frowned and narrowed his eyes at Johnny behind his mask.

“That sounds like you actually tried taking pictures of my crotch.“

Peter watched as the smile slowly slipped from Johnny’s lips, and he swallowed before he waved his hand.

“ point is, Peter is not THAT kind of guy. He actually likes you.“

Peter snorted at that.

“Yeah right. And how would you know that?“ He asked leaning his head to the side and watched as Johnny licked his lips slowly, thinking, before beaming brightly.

“The pictures! They wouldn’t be so aesthetical if he didn’t like you! I mean he has to study you a lot, to see which would be the best angle for the picture to be ta-“ Johnny stop when he noticed Spider-man’s hand curling into fist. He bit his lip and smiled.

“And, I’m not helping myself, am I?” He asked and shrugged. “Well, he is very appreciative of you.” He said, smiling innocently and Peter shook his head.

“Whatever. Why are you telling me this again?” Peter was sure there had to be some point to this whole conversation, or he might just go and try to persuade some of the villains to do something as long as it would take him from this… ‘let’s admire Peter Parker’s skill to take the best crotch photos’ thing.

“Well… I was thinking. Since he’s such a young inspiring artist and you might need all the good advertisement that you can get – which his wonderful pictures surely are, you could… you know. Pose for him.” Johnny said, smiling and Peter hoped he just imagined his the shining in his eyes.

“…what?” He asked, because surely he heard wrong.

“Pose for him! You know, so he can take pictures of you!” Johnny said then shrugged looking away and lifting his hand to cough into it. “Robbing a bank or something.”

“WHAT?“ Did he just....yes he did.

“Did you lose your mind, Johnny? I´m not robbing any bank!” Good advertisement, huh?! Peter’s ass. And not even the one on pictures.

“Oh c’moooooon, you don’t really have to rob bank. Just to… you know...“ Johnny shrugged and made a real vague gesture. One that he obviously thought would explain everything. Peter dared to disagree.

“Just pretend to rob a bank.” Johnny huffed, throwing his arms out. “You’ll take some money, pose in front of the bank with it, let him take the pictures and then you can put it all back.“ he said and blinked. “And if you could get the police cars around you on those pictures for artistic reasons, that might be good too.”

Johnny had to be joking. Peter huffed turning to the side, smiling at the invisible person.

“Oh hey, officer, I will just go inside this bank, take some money but don’t worry, I just want some pictures I will bring it back I promise, after all, I’m just Spider-man, your friendly menace from neighborhood!“ He spat the last words to Johnny’s face staring at him. Johnny probably didn’t see the staring though, so Peter was so nice to lift his hands and shake his head for him.

“You are an idiot and why the hell am I still talking to you?!“ That was probably saying a lot about Peter’s inability to find normal friends.

Johnny winced and looked down for a moment. His shoulders fell and Peter actually started to feel bad for him. He was about to reach out and maybe offer some better plan -which wouldn’t be hard, because anything would be a better plan! – when Johnny looked at him from under his eyelashes.

“Sooo... does that mean you’ll do it?“

“No!” Peter yelled, throwing his arms up in the air. “No, I will not do it, Johnny! It’s hard enough for me when they think I could possibly rob a bank, I don’t need any photos of my actually doing that!”

Johnny had the guts to roll his eyes at him.

“You’re being too theatrical! It’s not like you’d be robbing the bank for real!”

Johnny had no idea, did he? Peter took a deep breath and glared.

“Johnny, the other day I was feeding pigeons and Jason’s headlines read ‘Spider-man training his new army to take over the world’. And do you know what? People actually believed that! How would I explain this? ‘Hey, I know this looks villain-y but nooo, it’s a good thing, I’m trying to help Parker get further in his career?! No way, Johnny. No. Way.”

Johnny pouted at that.

“Oh man...” He whined and sighed. “Do you think you could at least kick some puppies or something?”

“What?! NO!“

“No for real! Could you just-“

“No! Johnny! Stop! Why would I do that anyway?“

“To make Peter happy.“

More like my boss, thought Peter but then blinked. Wait, what? To make Peter happy?

“But why would you do that?“ He asked slowly. He really had no idea why Johnny would do that. He didn’t think Johnny cared that much. Sure, they knew each other, but-

“To get laid.“

“Oh.“ Of course. Everything that firehead did was in name of sex or- wait, what the hell?!

“What?!“ Peter didn´t even know how he managed to stay at the edge of building without falling over at that.

Johnny just shrugged his shoulders.

“You know… I’d get you to pose for him, he’d take the photos, he’d get a raise. He’d be all happy about it, he’d have that stupid smile on his face, those shiny eyes and I’d be the hero that helped him achieve all of that and that would get him to my bed.”

So Johnny did say that. He really, really did. Peter didn’t know what was more insulting – Johnny thinking he’d help him trick someone to sleep with him or him thinking that Peter was stupid enough to fall for that.

“What the actual WHAT?!

Johnny grinned and lifted his hand.

“It’s ‘what the actual fu-‘”

“I know” Peter interrupted him and shook his head. “That doesn't matter! You want to have, you… with Parker?! What?!”

Johnny leaned against the wall and rolled his eyes.

“Duh. I don’t know why it’s such a shock for you. He is good looking. In the nerdy kind of way.” He shrugged, before he frowned at Peter. “Anyway, why do you even care? I can have sex with anyone I want to. You’re not my mother.” He huffed. “Or Sue.”

That right there? That was the Catch 22. Because Peter couldn’t argue with that, couldn’t tell Johnny that he was an idiot, and that please stop thinking that I’m so not having sex with you, what the hell, Johnny, without revealing his secret identity. Which wouldn’t help him much, because in the worst case scenario Johnny would get hurt with Peter not telling him. In the best case scenario, he might jump from happiness. Which, yeah, not that appealing either.

What the hell was that, some kind of sick cosmic joke?

“Well… yeah, you can sleep with whomever you want.” Peter huffed and frowned. “But that doesn’t mean I have to help you. And I’m not going to.”

“Ooooooh, maaaaaaaaan!” Johnny whined. “I thought you were a pal!“

‘Well, I didn’t think you’d want to sex up my secret identity, either. Life sucks.’ Peter thought but sighed.

“Since when do you need help with your sex life anyway?“

“Since I want to sleep with completely blind but cute morons. Because no matter how hard I try, it’s like they don’t see that.” Johnny said, the pout back on his face and he didn’t even look at Peter. Instead his hands moved through the air in frustrated motions.

“All the puns, pick up lines and all the stuff...nothing. And he’s not even the first one.“ Johnny muttered, looking up right into Spider-man’s eyes. Or well in the general direction of those eyes… at least in the direction of two of them (Oh, come on. He was a freaking spider! Johnny would swear the guy had more than just two eyes!).

Peter ignored the jump in his stomach – that hot dog did look kind of spoiled, why did he eat it again? – and shrugged.

“Yeah, too bad for you but I’m still not gonna help.

And again, Johnny sighed, blind or ignorant...or just really stupid.

“I would do that for you!”

“I don’t care!” Peter shouted and shook his head. “You want to sleep with Parker? Whatever, go ahead and try. I’m not going to stop you.” What the hell was he saying?! He was going to stop him!

… just not in the mask. Oh well.

“Dude, if it’s be that easy, I wouldn’t ask you for help.” Johnny muttered, glaring at the ground again.
“Still not going to help you.” Peter said and Johnny groaned, pressing his head back against the wall and whining in the back of his throat. He kind of reminded Peter of a puppy.

“You already said be a pal and change your mind.“


“Spidey, come on! It’s like our friendship doesn’t mean anything to you! Look at me, I value our friendship!” Johnny said, stepping forward and pressing his hand to his chest. “I’d do that for you. I can do that for you! What do you say? I can help you get the… uh… what do you spider kinds even have sex with, I don’t know… Squirrel-girl? You guys can… climb trees together or something.”


“Yeah! Squirrel-girl! Pretty nuts, hm?“ Johnny said and started giggling which soon turned into full blown laughter. He even pressed his arms against his stomach, bending down. Peter could almost see the tears streaking down his cheeks.

… he was not impressed.

“No, wait. Okay...okay, I got this.“ Johnny gasped out, wiping off the last tear (so that idiot was crying), but he couldn’t force the stupid smile off his face. Peter had a feeling he didn’t try really hard either. Well, he could help with that – Peter would love to punch that grin off if needed. Just say the word.

“No, but seriously. She is kind of hot.”

“I almost died because of her!“

Johnny shrugged at that.

“Happens in the best relationships. But come on, she is pretty kick ass. She can take down Wolverine! She was even able to take down Dr. Doom!“

Was this a joke? Was this all part of a big joke because Peter didn’t give that beggar any money? He didn’t have any with him for hell’s sake! And when he came back he wasn’t there anymore!

„Her superpower is literally talking to squirrels!“

„And the claws and super speed and stuff...“

Peter groaned.

“But I don’t want to date the Squirrel-girl, or… or anyone! And I’m not going to help you date anyone either, just to make that clear!” And Johnny could be so nice and finally understand that!

“Okay, okay wait! Uh…“ Johnny ran his hands through his hair to help him thinking. At least he thought it might help him with that, he didn't try that before...Talking about thinking of course. But it did help I movies, so there had to be something about that gesture.

“What about this.” Johnny started, licking his lips. “You will help me and-“

“No!“ Peter yelled and Johnny lifted his hand.

“No, wait a second! You didn’t even let me finish. Listen, no listen!” He grasped Peter’s arm when Peter turned to just walk away. “Listen. You will help me please Parker. Maybe he won’t even accept me – oh, who I'm kidding, of course he will-“

Peter rolled his eyes but he was too tired and annoyed by Johnny right now, he couldn't even snap anything sassy into his face anymore. He couldn’t even come up with anything at the moment and he tried. Hell, did he try.

“And I will…” Johnny said, looking around, thinking and then in next second his face brightened. “I will get you into the Reed’s lab!”

Johnny was never good at reading people, especially not Spider-man (the mask could be one of the reasons for that), but the masked man wasn’t pulling away. Actually his shoulders straightened and he turned his face (mask) to Johnny just standing there in silence for a moment. And bingo, Johnny got his attention.

“How long?“ Spider-man asked quietly and Johnny blinked.

“Huh?“ He asked, because what the hell. That didn’t make any sense.

“How long I can stay there?“

“… how long do you want?” Johnny asked and suddenly Spider-man turned to face him fully, his chest heaving and Johnny wondered if he ever saw Spidey hot and bothered. Because he was pretty sure that was what it looked like.

“For the rest of my life?“

“Eh...How about ten minutes.“ Johnny said, rolling his eyes. “Also, careful. Your nerd is showing.” But it didn’t seem like Spidey was paying any attention to him (thank god) and was still hung up on that Reed lab thing.

“Can I touch anything?“

… That might not be a good idea actually.

“Well, you know... Those are Reed’s precious things. Probably very expensive, too.” Johnny said and shrugged. “So yeah, go ahead, touch them, try them, put your penis in them I don´t care.“ He rolled his eyes. As long as Spidey would help him with the ‘let’s get Parker to spread his legs for me’ plan.

“No, no, no.” Spidey shook his head, turning to face Johnny fully and pressing one of his gloved hands against his chest. “Everything in there is rare, probably really dangerous, I wouldn't put my anything in there.“

“… that’s your reason to not put your dick in them?“ Johnny muttered then shook his head, again. It wasn’t like Johnny wasn’t the part of the ‘hey, let’s stick it everywhere’ fan club, but Reed’s boring nerd stuff? Naaah.

But Spidey ignored him, obviously, and Johnny rolled his eyes. The guy was rambling about some stupid experiment, about how Reed’s lab was so advanced or something… Johnny didn’t know. He stopped paying attention somewhere around the word ‘Reed’ and instead just watched the man. The masked man who was smiling, it was obvious in that stance of his and suddenly perked up, motioning here and there, talking mostly to himself, Johnny was sure.

It was really annoying. But also really sweet and a small smile appeared on Johnny’s face after a while. Then it turned into a wicked smirk.

“Well, you know. If you’re considering sticking your dick in any of his inventions, technically… I’m a result of his scientific idiocy – sorry, I mean expedition, so…” Johnny said wiggling his eyebrows.

But Spidey didn’t say anything to that, it looked like he didn’t even hear Johnny, or pay him any attention, with being off in his own nerd heaven or something right now. And it was exactly like Johnny said before. Stupid smile and shiny eyes. And Johnny didn’t even need to see that man’s face. The happiness was clear from the way he moved, he almost jumped on the balls of his feet up and down.

And Johnny really wanted to punch him. Not only for ignoring his offer, or just ignoring him in general again, but for just… being him. For making Johnny feel this stupid tremble in his heart, to want to stay around Spidey even if he would never get to see his face. For making him hurt this way, and not even having any idea.

But he didn’t because that wouldn’t help at all. Really, Johnny knew that. He tried that before.

“So deal?“ He asked, disturbing whatever kind of ritualistic dance Spidey was doing at the moment. The guy turned to him and nodded, offering his hand.


Well, at least that. Johnny grinned, smile splaying over his face as he grabbed Spidey’s hand and shook his quickly, before the guy could change his mind.

“Niiiiiiiiiiice! Thank you, thank you, thank youuu! I owe you.“ Oh god, yes. Finally he’d get into at least ONE of those geeky pants.

“Yes, you do.“ Spidey nodded, obviously happy with himself and Johnny shrugged.

“Okay, okay. So when we are gonna see Peter?“ Johnny was excited. Maybe finally something can go right and he’ll have his geek falling into his arms. But Spidey froze at that and turned to him.

“Ehm, we?”

“Yeah, we.”

“… I’m not going to pose with you around.”

Johnny groaned and actually slapped a hand against his face. Of course. Of fucking course. What the hell did Spidey do, cock-blocking him even if he planned to fuck someone other than him?!

“Oh, come ooon! I have to be right there at that moment! While he is still happy and easily manipulated and unresisting.” Couldn’t the freaking spider do at least once what he was told!? Was Johnny asking for so much?! He didn’t ask him to drop his pants for fuck’s sake!
… well, at least not this time.

“Don’t.” Peter said and shook his head, wondering how to say the things swimming inside his head without sounding anything but polite or without revealing his identity. Thinking about it, Peter was really proud of himself for being able to stand next to this man and successfully fight the urge to strangle him. He was sure that even Uncle Ben would agree it fell into the with great power comes great responsibility part.

“I just don’t want you around.” Peter shrugged and watched as Johnny’s hand rose to his hair, pulling lightly at the blonde strands.

“Jesus, it’s not like you’re going to pose naked for him!” The guy spat and then stopped, leaning his head to the side and running his eyes over Peter slowly.

“But you know… maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea, now that I’m thinking about it-“

“Then stop thinking!” Peter interrupted him, his hand twitching. Now Peter remembered why he was in the ‘let’s not allow Johnny to think’ group. The world was much, much safer and better that way.

Really, thinking Johnny Storm was a major problem for Peter. Because he always came up with the worst ideas ever and he kept talking and talking and talking and – well, talking. Pretty much like he was doing right now.

Peter blinked, trying to focus back on whatever conversation he was supposed to be part of.

“ – so I have to be there!” Johnny finished his monologue, smiling widely at Peter, his arms stretched away from his body in some weird gesture. “Do you understand now?”

Peter didn’t, really. He actually didn’t even know what he was saying at all, and truth to be told, he didn’t even care. As long as it kept the idiot quiet.

“Whatever. But you’ll be in another room!” It was always easier to just give Johnny whatever he wanted, honestly. Peter still remembered when Johnny wanted to go eat together and Peter shot him down – he ended up having a fire streak behind him for a week and while Peter could be hard to spot when he tried, that was not the case with Johnny. Peter was sure the guy would be able to catch the attention of a blind person for sure.

For a moment he thought of Matt and snickered at his own great joke. Hell, he’ll have to say that to the man, he’ll laugh for sure. He blinked when he noticed Johnny frowning at him, before the man sighed as if he was making a bit sacrifice and nodded.

“Alright. I can work with that.” Johnny said with a resolute nod and Peter rolled his eyes. God, he just wanted to end that and go for his Richard Reed’s lab trip.

“That’s great! Yes! Show me your abs! That’s cool, now smile! From the other side? Great!” Peter was sitting in his apartment, chocolate milk in one hand, camera in the other, shouting random words for few minutes now and taking pictures of his ceiling. Or his room. Or window. He wasn’t sure, he was too busy reading his book to notice.

“What about this? Does this look good? Do I look badass?” Peter said and had to stop himself from snickering.

“Oh yeah, even more than Jonny Storm.” He said, loud enough for it to carry outside and bit his lip, waiting.

“Hey! I heard that!” Johnny’s yell came and Peter snickered, taking a sip from his milk.

“That was the point, honey.” He whispered quietly, before clearing his throat and letting his voice grow louder again.

“Great, thank you, Spider-man, it was really cool working with you. I think I finally got everything I wanted.” He couldn’t stop the small rolling of his eyes at that. Oh he was sure Johnny was sitting behind the door, with his ear pressed close to the wood.

“No problem, kid.” Was it weird that he called himself kid? “It was nice but now I have to go, so see ya later.” Peter sipped from his milk, before lifting his head from his cup.

“Yes, yes! Of course! Take care! I need you to be alive so I can take more pictures!” And to be able to live himself. Thought maybe if someone ever figured a way how to make two out of him and – oh yeah, Johnny was still listening.

“Sure thing!” Peter said and put his mug down, walking over to the window, slamming it open and closed so it would sound like his alter ego just left the room. He sighed and turned, leaning his back against it and shaking his head.

“Can I come in now?” Johnny’s whiny voice came and Peter scoffed quietly, opening his eyes.

“Yeah, Johnny. Yes, you can.”

The door flew open and Johnny stepped in, looking around – maybe checking if Spider-man really left – before settling his eyes on Peter and smiling.

“Well, finally. How was it?” He asked, taking the smallest step closer, trying to look like he didn’t really care at all. But it was obvious that he was waiting for… something.

Peter shrugged and smiled.

“Good, thanks. It really helped.”

“Yeah, sure thing. It was nothing.” Johnny said, stepping closer again and running a hand through his hair, wide grin spreading on his lips, showing those ridiculous dimples.

Peter lifted an eyebrow, before turning around to put away his camera just to make sure that Johnny wouldn’t want to see the pictures. And to show Johnny all the damn he gave. Yeah, that’s right. Zero.

Johnny was quiet for a moment, before Peter could hear him stepping from one foot to the other. He didn’t turn, pretending to be too busy with making sure everything was put on the right place and counted.

One… two… three…

More movement from Johnny, but that was all.

Four… five… six…

“So did you talk?” Wow, whole six seconds. Peter didn’t think Johnny would last that long. Maybe he was really growing up. Not. Heh.

“Yes.” Peter nodded, not looking over. “We talked a lot.” Peter talked with himself a lot, and sadly that wasn’t even new. “He’s really nice.”

“Yeah?” Johnny purred, taking another step closer to Peter. “What did you talk about?” He could almost feel the warmth of Johnny’s body on his back.

“I’m not going to sleep with you.”

“God Damnit! That bastard!”

Peter rolled his eyes and couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. Of freaking course. But it was good that Johnny would get to understand this right away, because Peter’s life was enough of a mess even without his stupid friend trying to hit on him.
“Did he really tell you that?! Traitor! That’s it, I’m unfriending him!”

Yeah, whatever. Not like Peter had him on Facebook or somethi-

“No Reed’s lab for him!”

“What?!” Peter’s head snapped around to stare at Johnny. What? No, no, no, nononononononononono.

“Yeah.” Johnny grumbled, glaring at the wall. “Stupid moronic bug, that stupid son of a-“

“But you promised!” Peter said, swallowing hard. Reed’s lab. Nooooo. “You already promised that!”

“Well, he promised not to talk about me sleeping with you.” Johnny pouted, his arms crossed over his chest, and Peter frowned, confused.

“… did he?” That was an honest question, actually. Peter didn’t remember promising anything other than taking the pictures. But Johnny used to talk too much in general and Peter just kind of agreed with anything when Johnny brought up that Lab and Peter wasn’t paying that much attention… So maybe there was something like that. But he really didn’t want to wait for Johnny to go and make his sweet moves on him. Peter wanted to make this as clear for Johnny and as soon as possible. No. Sex. EVER.

“Well, no… But still. Best friends don’t do shit like that.” Johnny complained like the spoiled brat that he was. And it was kind of tugging on Peter’s heart, being called best friend and all.

… but the Lab.

“So really, you see. Spider-man didn’t do anything wrong. He should still get to see that lab.” He said, just once wishing that he could take over Johnny’s brain and put it in there that yes, Spider-man SHOULD SEE THAT FREAKING LAB.

Peter knew he was right and obviously Johnny knew it too, because he pouted even more. Then his eyes slowly narrowed at Peter and he frowned.

“Why do you even care? This doesn’t affect you in any way. You already have your pictures.” There was a suspicious look in Johnny’s eyes and Peter swallowed hard. Uh-oh.

“While that’s true, I have my morals!” Yes, that would be a good thing to go with, since Johnny probably didn’t even know what the word morals meant. “And I think we shouldn’t go back on our promises.”

Johnny groaned and his shoulders fell as he walked over to the couch, sitting down. He gave a small sigh and when he looked up at Peter there was no sign of those stupid little dimples anymore.

“So about that sleeping together…”


Of freaking course.

“No, not in a million years. But thank you. It’s flattering.” At least Peter guessed so. For someone else it probably would be, considering how they tended to throw themselves all over Johnny.

Johnny sighed, before shrugging.

“Oh well.” He was still pouting a little but he rolled his eyes. “I guess you’re right. He should see that stupid lab.” He huffed, before letting his head fall back on the rest of the couch, his eyes narrowing.

“I just don’t get it. How can he be a freaking genius yet so stupid at the same time?!”

..what?! Excuse you, Spider-man was not stupid! As far as Peter was concerned at least. Also, that was pretty offending.

“I beg your pardon?” he said and shook his head.

Johnny let his head fall down again and looked over at Peter. His eyes looked a bit tired and he shrugged. Again.

“Do you know how long I tried to win him over? But he’s as blind as you.” He complained before snorting. “Well, you at least had someone who told you everything and all that, but him? Nah.”

… was he even for real?! Not only Peter but Spider-man too?! That was so wrong on so many levels and Peter could feel his cheeks heating up, his eyes wide as he stared at Johnny because… what the hell?! How was Peter supposed to deal with this without a mask?! Was this… love admission or something?!

“W-what are you talking about? Spider-man? What? Why?” Peter asked, his breath catching in his throat, his chest tightening. It wasn’t a good feeling and he shook his head, not even sure what exactly he was asking.

Johnny lifted an eyebrow at him.

“Really?” He asked. “ Dude, I thought you would understand. After all, you’re getting paid for taking all those sinful pictures of him spreading his legs.”

The feeling in Peter’s chest was gone within milliseconds and he groaned.

“Oh my God! I don’t want to hear that!” What the hell was he even thinking. Johnny obviously wasn’t even able of any feelings other than what his dick told him to.
“But it’s what you do!” Johnny continued, lifting his arms up and folding his hand into a ‘camera’. “Taking pics of his dick here and there, and dude sometimes he stretches just so FAR and –“

As if Peter didn’t feel weird enough for taking selfies up till now, selling them to Bugle and then hearing about how he looks like a menace. He did, he felt really, really weird and self-conscious but this?! This was whole new level of oh my god.

“- and his abs and that perfect little perky ass.”

Was Johnny talking this whole time that Peter had a small break down going on?! Thank god he didn’t catch a word from that whole monologue. Especially since there was that weird gone smile on Johnny’s lips and his hand was outstretched as if he was touching –

...Peter was really glad he wasn’t paying attention. But it didn’t seem like Johnny was done just yet.

“Dude, that costume is just sick, it’s like he wants people to look at his junk and-“

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Peter yelped, lifting his hand. “I really don’t need to hear anymore.” That was just a horrifying experience. Peter ran his hand over his face, glad that Johnny could be quiet, even if it was just for a second.

“Sooo…”The blonde started and Peter spread his fingers so he could look at Johnny through the gap, in case he continued being a freaking pig, but the guy was smiling again and shrugged.

“Can I see those pictures?” Johnny’s eyes shone and Peter blinked. He didn’t notice Johnny’s eyes were that bright before. The lighting pretty good and Peter’s fingers itched for the camera as he blinked.

“What pictures?” He asked, confused and Johnny rolled his eyes, before pointing to Peter’s camera that was already half put away.

“The ones of Spidey? Duuh.”

… oh right. The ones that Peter didn’t take.

“Uh, not right now. I have work to do and I think you have a lab to open for someone.” Peter smiled, stepping towards the camera a bit. Maybe if Johnny didn’t see it, he’d forget about it. And maybe the smile would get Johnny to better mood… and get him the hell out of Peter’s apartment.

“You have got to be kidding me!” Johnny yelled at the Baxter Building, the sound cutting through Peter’s ears and he could swear that the whole city had to hear that shrill.

His ears were still kind of throbbing and Peter frowned.
“What?” he asked, confused. What the hell was Johnny’s problem?

Johnny’s eyes narrowed and he pointed at Spider-man. When Peter just shook his head the pointing became more insistent and Johnny opened his mouth.

“What the hell do you mean what?! What is that?!” he asked and his finger finally settled on Spider-man’s chest. On his hoodie.

Peter rolled his eyes.

“Well not everyone is made out of fire.” He shrugged, looking away. “And it’s chilly outside lately.”

Johnny gaped, his mouth opening and closing for almost a full minute until he seemed to focus on one thing.


“Your point?” Peter asked, pulling at the bottom of his hoodie innocently.

Johnny’s eyebrow twitched and he huffed, glaring.

“You talked to Peter, didn’t you?! What the hell?! He’s exactly like you!” He said, the finger pointing dangerously again and he stamped closer. “I can’t say anything to the two of you! You just babble everything out! What, does the whole city know now?! I swear you’re worse than Sue and our aunt!”

Peter shrugged. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he talked a lot too. It wasn’t like this mess was his fault. And actually, even if it was, Peter just couldn’t care enough. All he wanted was to be able to freely roam that wonderful lab of Reed’s.

The shrug didn’t do a lot for Johnny though, it seemed, because he groaned, pulling at his hair.

“I can’t believe that! That little-“ The man blinked and stopped in the middle of the sentence, before narrowing his eyes and turning to look at Peter.

“Wait a second…”The guy had his ‘thinking face’ on and Peter couldn’t stop the worried feeling spreading in his chest. Was Johnny in pain? … not that Peter would mind too much if he was.

“When?” Johnny asked, frown still on his place and Peter shook his head.

“When what?”

“Just when did you talk to Peter? You left before me and I flew right here!”

… oh damn. Was the last night, Detective movies night?! Peter should ask Sue to ban any and all series like that for Johnny.

“Uh… I…. ehm… I had to go back to… get my… umbrella?” Peter offered and nodded, feeling more confident about that excuse each second. Yep, that would work.

Only it didn’t because Johnny lifted an eyebrow.

“Your umbrella.” he said, and shook his head.

“Yeah, so what?”

“Why did you bring an umbrella? Why do you even need an umbrella?!” Johnny asked, his arms flying from his body.

“Because….” Now, Peter needed a good excuse for this. He needed to plan very carefully. He needed something that Johnny won’t be able to argue against. Hmmm. “I’m Spider. We need umbrellas to protect…. ourselves from….” Peter licked his lips, his eyes running all over the room, thinking. “Big boots! You know! So no one would step on us!” Yes, Peter was a genius, you can bring that medal for him any time you know. He even pretended that he was holding and umbrella, shielding himself from any dangerous things that might or might not possibly fall from the sky.

Johnny blinked, frowned… then shrugged.

“Oh, that makes sense, I guess.”

“Really?” Peter quickly shook his head. “I mean, yeah, of course, I know. Duh.” Okay… Peter didn’t really believe that was going to work, but on the other hand? He was talking to Johnny Storm. A guy that believed him when he told him he had spider underwater sonar once. So… anything was possible.

Johnny nodded.

“Yeah, it’s just that-“

No, no, NO! Why did Johnny have to start thinking NOW out of all those times?! Peter didn’t like that! He was there, standing in freaking Baxter Building, just inches from the door to Reed’s lab. That was everything he ever wanted, thiiis close and he just couldn’t accept that!

… not that he couldn’t ask Reed to let him look around the lab at any time. But this was different! Right now, he was supposed to be able to touch everything and anything he wanted, he was supposed to be able to make notes and do anything he wanted, practically!

… he was going to make a selfie in there. Totally. Make it his facebook profile picture too. With Reed around Peter was all proper scientist in the lab. But still there was this feeling like he was a kid in Disneyland – he couldn’t just keep himself always collected and stuff.

“There is something wrong!” Johnny yelled, pointing his finger at Spidey and Peter groaned, his head hitting the wall behind him.

Noooooooooooooooooo. Damn it! So freaking close! He sighed and opened his eyes, eyeing Johnny for a moment. Maybe he could take him down. Like hit him, web him to something and then make a run for the lab right then.

Johnny watched him, quiet and then his eyes widened.

“Oh my god!” Johnny yelped and Peter had to take a step back when Johnny’s fingers started flying dangerously close to Peter.

“You! Now I understand!”

Oh god no… Johnny couldn’t have figured it out, could he?!

“You agreed to take the pictures and yet you didn’t want me to be in the room while he was doing so! Then Peter knew I wanted to fuck him and then I told Peter about you and now.. now you’re wearing that horrendous thing!” He said motioning with his hand over Peter’s hoodie and shook his head.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe this! How come I didn’t notice?! I was so blind!”

… he knew. Somehow, Johnny Storm figured it out, before his sister, before everyone else. He knew, even moron like Johnny was able to put two and two together and what was Peter supposed to do now?!

He lifted his hands, stepping closer to Johnny, trying to calm him down.

“Johnny, look, I swear it’s not what you think! Really I-“

“No, no, no.” Johnny snorted and shook his head. “Don’t even try. I get it now. I understand. It’s obvious. Now I finally know why it didn’t work with you two!”

Peter’s heart squeezed in a way that made it hard to breathe and his fingers clutched at Johnny’s uniform. Not like this. Just, god, not like this. This was the worst possible scenario.

“Johnny, please, I can explain. Just let me.“

There was frown on Johnny’s face and Peter could just guess how angry the guy was. The worst thing was, he couldn’t even blame him. But this was something Peter was afraid of – he didn’t worry, didn’t think about it when he was lying in bed, didn’t stress himself about it. But he knew it was going to really suck once they do figure it all out. Because they trusted a masked man and Peter was in a way doing it for them too. In a way it was his selfish reason, feeding of the belief that maybe he could protect them if they just didn’t know. It was easier like that. But he could understand Johnny being angry. He just hoped they could somehow, still remain friends. He wouldn’t say that around Johnny, but… that friendship, it meant a lot to Peter. It felt like losing home.


His throat tightened and he shook his head.

“Johnny, I-“

“You’re sleeping with Peter Parker!” Johnny spat out and Peter’s breath hitched.

“I am not Peter Park- wait, what?” Peter blinked, because what the hell? He had to hear wrong, right? But there was this satisfied expression on Johnny’s face, his arms crossed over his chest and the man was nodding.

“Yeah, that’s it. You want him for yourself. Dude, why didn’t you tell me?!” Johnny huffed. “It’s bros before hoes, you know!”

And Peter didn’t know what was more disturbing. That Johnny thought that he was sleeping with himself or that Peter Parker was a ‘hoe’.

“I’m no having a sexual intercourse with Peter Parker.” Peter said, because that was the easiest thing to focus on, and it probably won’t even make his head hurt. “I never had and I never will.”

… well, technically there was the masturbation thing, but… this was neither the right time nor the place to think about that.

Johnny snorted.

“Yeah, right. But it’s okay, pal, I do not judge.” Johnny smirked and shrugged and Peter’s eyebrow twitched.

No, you won’t judge, but you’re the one to judge. Peter thought, but he didn’t say it out loud. He couldn’t really be rude, not when he wanted something from Johnny. Like letting Peter into that lab finally. God, today was a horrible day from the start and it didn’t seem like it was going to end soon. Was the lab even worth it?

“Johnny, seriously.” Peter sighed. “I’m not sleeping with him. I don’t even like him that much.” Ouch, and that’s kind of a low blow, even coming from himself. Thanks self-esteem.

Johnny waved his hand.

“It’s okay, bro. Not gonna touch him anymore.”

… why did his best friend have to be an idiot? Really, he should consider offering that title to Matt, instead.

“Johnny, for the last time. Yes, while Peter and I are rather close, it’s… nothing like that between us.”

Johnny snorted a little ‘yeah right’ muttered and then the man looked up at Peter and Peter’s breath caught up in his chest. Johnny was smiling, but it was such a sad smile, one that didn’t fit Johnny. Johnny was supposed to smile and be happy and be the foolish idiot that he usually was. He wasn’t supposed to be that sad.

… god, Peter just broke his heart, didn’t he?

“So…” Johnny started, throwing his arm around Peter’s shoulder. He obviously wanted something and Peter really felt guilty. Maybe Peter could just –

“What do you think about threesome?”

Kill him. Just kill him.

“Aaaaaaaaaaagh!” Peter really couldn’t be blamed for the push and the way the other man hit his head into the wall. But it probably didn’t do much harm because the moron was laughing his head off – hopefully broken head off and Peter groaned.

This was a freaking nightmare. One that won’t ever end, probably.