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Thor x Reader x Loki - Learn to Love You

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Thor x Reader – Love

You’d always loved Thor. Since the moment you first saw his stupidly perfect face. Since the moment you began your friendship with him. Since the beginning… But you had to put yourself last in the whole situation. Thor was married to Jane. They loved each other, and while he may have considered you one of his closest friends, you weren’t his Beloved… and you were okay with that… You’d been there for him, he was happy, that was all that mattered to you. His happiness - - which in the past few years had been a difficult to make happen.

Thor and Jane tried to start a family nearly two years ago, around the same time she had been diagnosed. The battle with the cancer had been physically and emotionally hard on everyone involved, Thor would often come to you for advice on things or just to vent. You didn’t mind, the fact he felt comfortable enough to air his grievances with you was enough for you. After the battle finished and Jane’s cancer was completely eradicated, she was left infertile and unable to even produce eggs. Not that it would have mattered, Thor didn’t like the idea of IVF, claiming it to be unnatural - - you know, a completely understandable fear for a God of Thunder who had lived for nearly one thousand years… You thought it was due to his misunderstanding of the whole thing, considering he tended to be completely technologically illiterate, but you didn’t fight his decision at all. It was a sad thought, but maybe they just weren’t meant to have children. They had each other, so maybe that was enough. The fight had brought them so close together and they seemed completely content without children… Well, that was what you thought until Thor and Jane turned up one day at your door, completely unexpected and with a proposition you couldn’t quite believe. 

Your mouth fell open. What? What did they just ask you to do?
“I completely understand if you say no… but it seems you were the only person we could agree on…” Jane said.
“I…” your eyebrows furrowed. “I thought you said you didn’t want to do IVF…” you said to Thor.
“I don’t. In an ideal world… We would…” he cleared his throat nervously. “We would conceive naturally…” He said with a slight blush.
“You mean sex?” you said, unable to comprehend it yourself.
“Only if you are okay with it…” Jane said.
“I… I just need a minute…” you mumbled, standing up and quickly heading off to the enclosed kitchen. You needed to get away from them for a moment. Jane couldn’t have children, but they both wanted them. So what do they do? They ask Thor’s closest human friend to be the surrogate mother - - but you wouldn’t even be a surrogate. You would be the actual mother. You would have a child with Thor, only to give it away… They wanted you to have sex and get pregnant. How could you do that? Well… incredibly easily. You loved him and he was outstandingly attractive. Sex would be the easiest thing in the world if it were with him, but the rest of it?!
“(Name)…” Thor said, entering the kitchen. Your head whipped up, and you stumbled around for words. “I know this is a lot to ask of you… but of all the people in my life, I would only feel comfortable doing this with you.” Why did that make your heart flutter?
“Why not just…” you trailed off, unsure of the phrase to use, “jack it into a cup and then use a turkey baster?” you asked, though it was an exaggerated idea.
“Jane did suggest that… and it could work… But Asgardian’s are extremely hard to interbreed with other species in a normal situation. The atmosphere of Earth does not agree with our reproductive capabilities.”
“Is that why you couldn’t conceive with Jane?” He nodded,
“By the time we tried, the illness had already taken control of her body, but even before then there was no sign of pregnancy after sex.” You sighed softly.
“We couldn’t just go to Asgard and try the turkey baster?” you suggested feebly.
“Human reproductive capabilities are slowed on Asgard.” He replied. Of course they were.
“You couldn’t conceive with Jane, what makes me any different?”
“You are younger than she was when we first started trying, and hopefully more fertile…” you sighed again. “You are also stronger physically, all SHIELD agents have to be.”
“I’m a computer tech mainly.” You said dully.
“Please (Name)… I wouldn’t want anyone else, except for Jane, to carry my child. I trust you, (Name), which is a hard thing to come by in a universe looking to get one over on The God of Thunder...” he said. You sighed, again.
“Fine… I’ll do it,” you said. You could feel your heart swelling with anticipation with those words. You were nervous… but looking forward to it… You were looking forward to Thor having sex with you…

4 Days later

Jane was ecstatic when you told her you were willing to do it. You told her you just needed some time to take it all in, and of course waiting to sync up the days you were ovulating was an important factor, as well as time to go over the whole situation… When the baby was born, you would sign away your parental rights, and Jane would legally adopt. They would pay for any and all medical bills, including paying off the mortgage on your apartment - - something you told them was unnecessary; but they insisted. It was an awful lot of information to take in all at once, but you thought it would be best to just get it over and done with. There was no need to make you worry any more than necessary, there was no need to give you time to reconsider. You just wanted to do it… The prospect of also getting to have sex with Thor was a definite upside to the whole situation and was probably egging you on as well… But as the hours drew closer, your mind began to race with worry and questions… Thor was due to return tonight to do the deed… Were you actually ready for this? You were pacing back and forth so much that you hadn’t even realised you had missed breakfast and lunch. You were light headed, but you couldn’t find the strength to eat anything. Your whole body was unbearably hot and made the prospect of eating seem completely out of the question… You needed to cool down… Straight away you turned and started for the bathroom.

The cool air of the bathroom soothed you a little, but not as much as you needed. You rested all of your weight on the sink, your body becoming weak. That was when you saw it… Out of the corner of your eye you saw the discarded birth control pills. A few months ago SHIELD sent you on a mission. It was normal protocol for female agents to start birth control before and continue it through the mission, just in case something happened, whether it be form a consented encounter or a forced one. You threw it out as soon as you returned home… or so you thought. You bent down and picked up the packet, glancing down at the labelled pills. You could always just do that… Get the morning after pill, then continue on your birth control and have sex with him… Did that make you a bad person? Did wanting the man you loved to love you back make you a monster? What else could you do? Were you really willing to rent your body to them? To create a child just to give it to them…? Or you could just tell them you changed your mind… But then he would never have a child… You took a breath before placing the pills, untouched, back into the bin. You turned the faucet on, and splashed water in your face, calming you down a little.

By the time you finally came out of the bathroom, Thor was already in your apartment – it wasn’t a surprise really, he would often land on the balcony and enter through the French doors.
“Hey.” You said, forcing a small smile. Of course his smile was as wide and flawless as usual.
“How are you this evening?” he asked. You nodded,
“I’m good. How about you?”
“I am well.” This felt weird. You never talked to each other like this… It felt too formal and forced… You were sure even he could feel the awkwardness in the air. You took a deep breath.
“Look, Thor, let’s just do this… I can tell you feel like an awkward turtle…”
“I have never heard of that species of turtle before. Are they a particularly uneasy turtle?” You laughed softly,
“Yes… something like that.” He grinned, thinking it had finally understood a reference to something he didn’t previously know. He moved and sat down on the couch, and outstretched his hand to you, silently asking you to sit beside him. And so it begins…

You took his hand and sat next to him. Silence… You were friends, sure you loved him, but that didn’t mean he was as comfortable with it as you were. He cleared his throat slightly and sat up straight. He was still wearing his armour, his hair a perfect mess. Jeez, even after a full day of training he still looked amazing…
“To keep this as stress and embarrassment to a minimum, shall we both agree to imagine whoever it is we wish?” he asked. You would only think of him… and it saddened you to hear he wouldn’t be doing the same…
“That’s fine. You can imagine whoever you want.” He smiled and nodded, clearly missing the hint at the fact you wouldn’t be thinking of anyone else… Thor shifted slightly to face you a little more, his hand running down your side. His touch was like electricity – no pun intended. He leaned closer and breathed in before proceeding to gingerly trail his lips over your neck. This wasn’t how you had daydreamt of your first time with Thor - - and you had daydreamt, a lot. On a beach, on a bedroom floor, in full view of the public… but never to conceive a child for him and his wife… Did you even have any self-respect at all…?

He gently kissed your neck at first, which became rougher and deeper over time; a soft moan built in and left your throat, causing a deep blush to rush over your face.
“Th-Thor.” You moaned. It had been years since you had been with a man, mainly because of Thor. You didn’t want another relationship; you didn’t want to have sex with strangers… The platonic relationship and your own imagination was enough. Until now that is. Now you craved the touch, the feeling of him, release… Your hand ran up his chest, coming to rest on his neck, the tips of your fingers tangling in his golden locks. His hand found your thigh, caressing the tense muscle into submission. God he made your entire body feel like jelly. You made the first really brash move in shifting to straddle him. He seemed a little surprised, but he didn’t miss a beat, capturing your lips quickly before he flipped your positions around, pinning you against your couch. “Fuck me.” You moaned, feeling his body between your legs. He wasn’t even remotely hard… but you were so damn wet and unable to control yourself. His free hand moved to his manhood, stroking it to attention. He made quick work of the clothes separating your bodies, heat surging between you. You couldn’t stop your hips from rolling against his. A breathless and low groan left his lips. He was… big. His muscular body should have been enough to warn you of his size… but now, having his bare body pressed to yours and his erect member pressing against your lower lips, you were almost frightened.

His large, calloused hands gently began stroking your already prepared and eager lower lips. When his fingers sunk into you, you couldn’t stop the moan. Thor’s teeth began teasing your hardened nipple as his fingers pumped into you harder and harder.
“Thor!” you gasped when his thumb began teasing your clit. Your back arched towards him and you bucked up against his hips, the tip of his manhood very nearly entering you. He groaned softly before pulling his fingers free of you, smearing the wetness he had gathered from you onto his member. His head tilted back slightly and a pleasant breath left his lips. You sat up slightly and pressed your lips to his, your legs wrapping around his waist. “Fuck me.” You repeated. Suddenly and without much warning, he thrust forwards, completely filling you with just one movement. You both moaned loudly, muscles tensing and fingers digging into flesh.

He lowered himself onto you, forcing you back against the couch while also allowing him better access to you, which he took complete advantage of, moving slow to begin with, but gaining speed, confidence and depth rather quickly. You could have sworn you heard thunder and saw lightning flash out the window. It was the middle of summer during a heatwave… Was this his doing…? When he moaned loudly, another clap sounded from the window. Yes… It was him…
“H-Harder.” You urged while using your legs to help guide him all the way inside.
“You like it?” he whispered huskily.
“God yes.” You replied, probably a little too quickly. He bit into the flesh of your neck, sucking on the tender spot almost hungrily. He didn’t slow down. Usually guys would have barely enough stamina to continue at a fast pace for more than a few minutes… But Thor… God he could probably last all night if he tried hard enough… “Thor.” You moaned, the muscles in your stomach and womanhood constricting. He groaned. You could feel his member throbbing within you. You desperately wanted to feel him release within you, beyond the simple fact that you knew it was necessary for pregnancy, you wanted to know your body could get him off. You wanted to know that you could offer him something so primal as a sexual release. Suddenly the idea of an animalistic Thor ravaging you sprung to mind - - something you had imagined before. He would moan and groan your name without hesitation, and would - - oh God… Your ability to hold onto your release completely left you, giving you nothing to hold onto but Thor’s body as you were completely consumed by the orgasm running through the core of your being. You were sure your screamed his name and bucked up against him uncontrollably. He held you tightly as he released within you, ensuring he was completely sheathed within you.

You were both breathing heavy and in a sort of daze. Thor however had enough cognitive functions and strength remaining to hold your hips upwards; probably to ensure his seed stayed within you. He pulled one of the pillows from the couch and settled it underneath your hips, ensuring they remained elevated.
“You have to stay like this for half an hour.” He said.
“What if I have to pee?” you asked with a smirk. He chuckled softly,
“I think I can allow an exception.” You rolled your eyes.
“How gracious of you.” He smiled wider as he pulled his pants on before sitting down on the couch once more.
“Do you think you’ll be able to handle another few rounds?” he asked.
“Are you afraid I won’t be able to keep up?”
“You could barely manage it just then. Don’t be embarrassed, Asgardian’s are known to be excellent lovers,” You snorted.
“Just like their known to be excellent strategists.” You said, remembering how Fury had criticised Thor’s block headedness when it came to swinging madly at enemies without much thinking.
“That is an unfounded attribution.” He said. You laughed softly and nudged him with your foot.
Sure.

Thor was right to be a little worried about your stamina. By the time you had finished the third round you were exhausted. Thor had to put you to bed because you fell asleep before he even had a chance to pull out. When you woke up the next morning, he was happily snoring on the couch, half dressed and sexy as all hell. It was nice to wake up with Thor in your house after a night of sex… It would have been nicer to wake up with him in your bed though…

***

Two weeks after you first had sex Thor came knocking, bringing with him a pregnancy test. He seemed nervous as you took it from him, as if the box was going to scream out ‘positive’ just by your touch. You smiled, trying to calm him a little, before heading off to the bathroom. It was a basic test, which you think wouldn’t have been the type of test an Avenger would have you use… You honestly thought SHIELD would have some kind of machine that could tell you positive or negative the day after sex… Oh well, the good old fashioned way never hurt anyone…

You were so consumed by your own weird thoughts that you hadn’t even realised the results were showing. It was positive… Oh no… Wait… that was good, wasn’t it? It meant Thor and Jane could have a child… But it also meant Thor would no longer hold you in the way you longed for so many years… It meant you would become their incubator for a child you made with him, only to give it away in nine months… You placed your hand on your stomach. You wanted him again… The way he made you feel… it was unforgettable, and completely unmatched by any other sensation in your life. But what could you do? He wouldn’t screw you again once he found out you were pregnant… You took a breath and left the room.

Thor was pacing, his hands curled into fists and his mind clearly racing. The moment he saw you he stopped.
“So?” You were about to become a horrible person…
“It’s neither positive or negative…” You lied. His brows furrowed,
“What does that mean?”
“That it might be positive and it might be negative, or it could just be the test is faulty… If it’s the former, it means its too early to tell at the moment, and that we’d have to wait to see the results…” you said.
“So it might not have worked?” he asked. You nodded.
“If you want… we could try again.” You suggested. You felt horrible. You were playing with his feelings and life just to temporarily feel good about yourself. He paused to think for a moment.
“Okay…” he said. “But we cannot tell Jane about the inconclusive test. I’m afraid she will want to change her mind.” Your ears perked up for a moment. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, maybe it was just your heart taking control of your head… but you, just for a moment, hoped he was afraid of her changing her mind because he wanted to continue having sex with you without worrying about backlash from Jane. Maybe he did! It was completely plausible, after all why would he agree to continue and keep it from her?
“Why are you afraid of her changing her mind…?”
“Because…” Please… Dear God please… “Because I love her… we both want a family, and I don’t want her to become discouraged because of a possibly faulty test…” Your heart fell. No… No it did worse than just that. It fell from the edge of the cliff on which you had placed yourself and shattered into so many pieces even a vacuum wouldn’t be able to pick up all the small pieces. He was so nice and sweet… He just wanted to protect his wife…
“Well…” you said, taking a deep breath. “We’d best not disappoint her.” You said through gritted teeth with a forced smile.

2 Months Pregnant

After the second time with Thor, you decided not to push your luck and tell them you were pregnant, blaming the mixed up result on a faulty test. Jane and Thor were happy with the news, and actually suggested something that caught you by surprise - - which was something you didn’t think possible after the whole ‘fuck my husband and get pregnant so we can have a kid’ thing… They wanted to safeguard not only the baby, but you as well by moving you to a remodelled farmhouse on a remote island. It was a house Thor had pretty much rebuilt himself, and a place they intended to use once the baby arrived. No one except for Jane and Thor, and a medical team, would know where you were. It was a completely self-sufficient house, using solar and wind to generate power, and gardens and farms for food. Thor would come, with or without Jane, a few times a week to check up on you and talk to the doctors about any supplies they needed. Of course there was a panic button, just in case something happened, but there wouldn’t be a need to use it… hopefully.

Well… that was how they sold it you by Jane… You didn’t like the idea of moving away, but short of living with Thor and Jane, it was the only way to ensure your safety. You were sure there were more than a few enemies who would love to torment Thor by kidnapping and torturing the woman carrying his child… So… albeit nervously, you took leave form SHIELD and moved to an island with no way to contact anyone… Even with the doctors and nurses around, they didn’t talk to you much at all… You were all alone…

4 Months Pregnant

You had been dragged into the lounge room from your comfortable bed to get an ultrasound. Thor, Jane and your team of nurses and doctors were there as well. You were placed on the couch and a cold jell-like substance spread over your growing stomach. You did glance at the screen occasionally… but you didn’t really want to… You didn’t want to see your baby… Jane however had a completely opposing view on the matter, constantly talking about how much the baby looked like the two of you, even joking that she could see some of herself in it. Every time she spoke up, every time she cried and clung onto Thor’s arms… it made you hate her a little bit more. She was so damn insensitive. You may have agreed to carry a child for them, but the fact of the matter is that it was still your child. She was acting like it was already hers.
“Would you like to know-,”
“The sex?” you finished, “No.” You resigned to the fact that you wouldn’t keep the baby, so you kept yourself detached, only even really touching your stomach when it was sore or when the baby didn’t want to settle. You didn’t need to know. You didn’t want to know. “No, I don’t-,”
“Please (Name).” Jane suddenly said. “Please…”
“I don’t want to know-,”
“… Could we just know then?” You wanted to smash her head in. You glanced to Thor, who was happily smiling down at Jane. It was like everything… He would pay attention to you until Jane wanted something… then your emotions and feelings became nothing. Numbness suddenly washed over you.
“Whatever…” you said coldly, not looking at the screen any more. You couldn’t care less any more… The sooner she could get out of here, the better. You heard Jane squeal softly and Thor chuckle, but you didn’t hear what they had been told. You didn’t care… You didn’t want to know…

6 Months Pregnant

Jane visited less, needing to focus on work apparently before she took leave to look after the baby. You were happy, however, that Thor still came to see you. You glanced to the clock. Monday, Wednesday and Saturday at two o’clock. That was when he visited… The clock read 2:01pm. He was late. Suddenly the baby began shifting and kicking. You rubbed your swollen stomach. Everything hurt every time you moved. Your ankles were swollen, your feet sore, your back so put out of wack that you could barely stand up for longer than a few minutes. The only other thing that irritated you as much as that was the on and off horniness you felt at all hours of the day. It only started around the third month, once the morning sickness had disappeared and you stopped feeling disgusting. Luckily you had been able to handle it yourself, not resorting to begging or banging strange men or - - even your doctors. But the longer you went without actual human contact the more and more you craved it.

The familiar sound of Thor’s ungraceful landing reached your ears. You glanced out the window of your bedroom and smiled. You turned the television off – not that it had any decent channels – and struggled to stand up. You were nearly breathless as you finally made it to a vertical position, your hands on your hips to support your upper body. By the time you made it to your bedroom door and opened it, Thor had already crossed the field, entered the house and arrived at your door. He was smiling wide,
“You had a good day then?” you asked. He nodded, offering you his hand, which you took.

He helped you to the lounge room and helped you sit down before sitting across from you.
“How are you feeling?” Thor asked, his large hand gently rubbing your stomach. Damn it… That was enough to dampen your womanhood and harden your already swelling breasts. You could feel a flush cover your cheeks and had to shift your hips to lessen the sudden pressure you felt.
“F-Fine…” you mumbled, clearing your throat, trying to force your needs back down. His brows furrowed,
“You do not look fine.” He said. “Tell me.” You sighed softly,
“It’s nothing you can help with…” you said,
“There are many things I am capable of!” he said triumphantly with a goofy smile. You shrunk back into the couch a little, but you couldn’t help the smile on your face.
“I’m horny…” you hesitantly glanced up to Thor, his eyes were wide. “All the time…“ you said, unable to stop the soft whimper that came out with them.
“That… is not what I had expected…” He said. You smiled apologetically.
“Sorry… It’s stupid… I’m fine.”
“Is it what you need…?” he asked.
“What?” He took a deep breath.
“When this whole situation began, I made a promise to you.” Your brows furrowed. No he didn’t. “Well I made it to myself and agreed to it on your behalf.” You chuckled softly and shook your head. “I promised that I would try to make the pregnancy as much of a normal experience for you as I could. That I would try to be like a partner to you through this…” You didn’t quite want, nor were you going to tell him it didn’t feel that way to you… That if felt like he was only in it with Jane and you were along for the ride… “So, if sex is what you need, and something that a normal partner would do for the woman carrying their child, then I will do it.” Were you going to take advantage of the situation again? Were you going to use his kindness to fulfil your own desires? Short answer. Yes…

Thor sent the doctors away to their wing of the house to ensure your privacy before the two of you started. You were almost certain positioning for sex would be something you found awkward and straining, but apparently Thor, and probably Jane, had talked about the likeliness of sex during pregnancy, so he was extremely well equipped and knew the positions that took the stress off of your back and stomach.

***

Just like the times in the past, Thor ensured you were completely sated before allowing himself to do the same. He was so sweet… so caring… and you in comparison were nothing short of monstrous… You agreed to this whole thing, fully knowing how you would probably come to feel at time passed. You willingly took their kindness, but cursed them when you didn’t like something… You were a horrible person… Thor began running his lips over your stomach.
“I know that look. Whatever you’re thinking about yourself, it’s not true. You’re beautiful.” He was taking a stab in the dark; probably considering physical appearance was a normal self-esteem issue pregnant women faced…
“Please, its not tha-,” you moaned softly, his finger entering you slowly as his tongue continued over your bulging stomach. Screw it… Why push your burden onto him…? You should just agree with what he thinks is wrong… “It’s gross. I’ve never been so fa-ah fat…” you mumbled. Thor chuckled softly.
“Then you do not know the arousal a man feels when he sees a woman’s stomach filled with his child.” You couldn’t stop the gasp from your throat. You knew he probably wasn’t imagining you carrying his child. He was thinking of Jane. Even though you knew it was completely understandable, it still hurt… So far you had made little to no decisions for yourself; hell even your diet was decided by Jane and the Doctors. You told them multiple times you couldn’t stand many of the foods they forced down your throat. Did it matter? No. You sighed softly. Did having Thor with you for these short times make up for everything else…?

Probably sensing you unease, Thor asked if you wanted to go again. Once again you took advantage of him and said yes. It made you feel better a little. You honestly didn’t expect pregnant sex to be so hot… You thought it would be awkward, slow, and take forever to get you off… but it definitely didn’t…
“I will not be able to make trips here every day (Name), but when I do, and you need it, I will try my best to fill your needs.” He said, his hand on your stomach.
“Thank you…” you mumbled.

Labour

The pains started late one night, and you stayed awake just hoping they would go away… However when your water broke early that morning, you knew you were in labour… You screamed out to Thor the moment the clear, thickish liquid gushed out of you. Jane and Thor had chosen to move you out of the farmhouse and into a secret SHIELD facility, allowing you access to higher tech pregnancy equipment and monitors as the due date drew closer. Just another decision you were pretty much forced into… Thor burst into the room, looking terrified. He probably thought you had fallen, which had happened at one stage.
“What? What is it?” He hurriedly asked.
“Labour.” You just managed to choke out as a contraction forced all the air from your lungs. He still looked terrified unsure what to do with himself. When you tried and failed at sitting up however Thor received the message, and immediately picked you up.

You were carried to the hospital portion of the facility, doctors doing their best to ease your pain. They were doing a very good job… until they let Jane enter the room. She was like a fucking fly buzzing around your face. She wouldn’t stop moving, she wouldn’t stop talking. The pain already made you irritable, but having her there just made it so much worse.
“D-Do you think it could just be Thor who stays in here with me…?” you asked. Jane looked disappointed, and a pang of guilt did hit you… but you just didn’t want her there…
“(Name)-,” Thor started.
“Please…” you mumbled. “I just don’t want any more people than necessary staring at my vagina.”
“And you think I want to?” You could tell he was trying to be funny, but you were not in a laughing mood at all. You rolled your eyes,
“Fine then, don’t.” you snapped, more pain filling your body. You cringed and whimpered softly. You heard Jane say something to Thor before kissing his cheek and leaving the room. You could be a cold-hearted bitch when you tried hard enough… but until this damn child was out of you, and the adoption papers signed, you should get to make at least one fucking decision. One decision. That was all you wanted. Who was in the room with you.
“That was mean (Name)…” Thor said softly.
“What was mean was locking me away on an island for nine months. What was mean was removing all ability to communicate with the outside world. What was mean was deciding my diet for me.” You glanced up to him, tears of both sadness and pain in your eyes. “Asking for one thing to happen for a few hours should not be considered mean.”
“It’s her child-,”
“It’s our child Thor.” You snapped. “I’m just giving it to her.”
“(Name), please… This means a lot to her… everything you’ve done for us…” Now the tears were that of sadness.
“You just don’t get it… do you…?”
“Get what?” You sighed and shook your head. You were still waiting. Waiting for him to realise he loved you more than her. Waiting for the day that he would sweep you off your feet and love you in the same way you love him. You shook your head.
“Bring her back if you want.” You said; and he did. He brought her back… and he sat with her, as you lay there in pain – both physically and mentally. There were times he would sit next to you, but he wouldn’t stay with you… He would never stay with you…

Birth, 16 hours later.

Usually when a baby was born, it was passed to the birth mother… not this time… This time it went to the adoptive mother first… You could see its little hands reaching up and hear it crying. Why? Why did she get everything?! When the tears began sliding down your cheeks, you could see the nurse recognise her mistake. She turned back to the happy family, but hesitated before making the decision to not interrupt… What did you expect? You were you… She was the strong wife of Thor who had been through hell before getting her reprieve. But so had you… You had been through hell all your life… so where was your reprieve? Where was your knight willing to throw everything away to ensure your happiness? Where was he? You saw Thor take the tiny baby in his arms, and heard Jane thank you repeatedly. Honestly, you had barely even had time to breath, let alone sign over your rights, and yet again she was assuming the baby was hers. Thor made his way over to you and tried to pass the bundle to you, but you turned away.
“I don’t want it…” you whimpered.
“Him.”
“I don’t want it…” you said again, somehow mustering enough strength to keep from looking at your baby. The baby you and Thor made… “Please… This is already hard, don’t make it any worse than she already has.” You were crying again. Damn it. Thor must have passed the boy over to Jane, because the next thing you knew he was hugging you.
“You did so well…” He said softly. This… this was what you wanted. You wanted him to take you into his arms… “I don’t think I will ever be able to thank you enough.” You wrapped your arms around his strong body and leaned against him with all your weight. Your strength was almost completely gone… You’d been on missions before… but nothing drained you as must as hours of childbirth.
“Have names been thought of?” You could tell the doctor filling out the birth certificate didn’t quite know where to look. Jane began her selfish rambling, Thor admiring his wife and child… Yes… Yes you had thought of names, even though you probably shouldn’t had… Ofelia or Johanna for a girl… and Aidan or Dean for a boy… but it wouldn’t matter what you had picked. Thor gently shook your shoulder.
“Are you okay with that?” he asked.
“With what?”
“The name.” he said, smiling wide. He was so handsome…
“Yeah…” you replied, even though you hadn’t heard what name had been said… The doctor nodded and signed off on the birth certificate before handing it to Thor. “I’m… tired…” you mumbled. “Do you think I could have some time to rest…?” you asked. Thor nodded, leading Jane and his son out of the room. They didn’t come back the whole time you were recovering. Why would they? They had what they wanted from you… You were worthless to them now… You were worthless…

3 Weeks after Birth 

You were released from the hospital and returned to your apartment two days after you gave birth. An apartment you hadn’t stepped foot in in just under nine months. Is this what they expected? To uproot your life for nearly a year, and then thrown you back in and expected you to be okay… Thor hadn’t come to check up on you… he hadn’t rang… No one had… The first week you spent your time numbed and not feeling anything… The second week you sobbed. You sobbed in a way you didn’t think was possible… and the third… By the third, you were over it. Your calls to them went straight to voicemail, and when anyone else finally decided to call, whether it be Steve, Nat, even Fury… you wouldn’t answer… You couldn’t continue like this, you knew that after the week filled with crying… but what could you do? You were a part of SHIELD… they had your face, your details, your everything. Could you actually get away? Dr Banner was a whole hell of a lot smarter than you were and he couldn’t even get away from them… And even if you could, where would you go? What would you do? What would you do if you stayed here? Die in an apartment? Go back to work and pretend the past nine months hadn’t happened? No. The unknown seemed so much better than the same old shit. You had made your decision…

You loved Thor… and you always would… but you couldn’t stand to be around anything that reminded you of him more. You couldn’t stand it… So you left… You left your job, your friends and family… Everything… You sat your SHIELD ID on the mantle in your dusty apartment before taking one of the secret passports and any leftover money you had before you left the country, leaving behind only a note, should Thor actually make an effort to check on you in the future… What did it say?

‘I did it for you… not her…
But I did this because of you both…
I love you… I always have… and I always will…

Goodbye’

Teardrops littered the page it was written on. You wanted to say so much, but if you had, you wouldn’t be certain you could walk away knowing if he had read it or not… This way you can leave without the expectation he would ever see it, and least of all that he would come after you. It said enough. It said the necessary. Nothing more. It said you loved him… and it would always be true…