1. Lizzie has something broken in her brain that won't let her cut loose and have any actual fun. You can put her in a room with like a dozen hot guys and alcohol and totally sweet music, and she'll end up completely sober in a corner having a conversation about depressing books written by dead Russian dudes. Hello, depressing Russian stiffs do not get you laid!
2. Fashion sense. Or total absence of fashion sense. We are talking a howling black hole of nothing bringing shame on the Bennet family name. It's not like she doesn't have the opportunities, am I right? Not only does she have an older sister who actually works in fashion, but she has a super-adorable younger sister who would totes help her pick out some clothes that aren't boring and old lady-ish if she would just ask.
3. Seriously, that thing about putting her in a room with a bunch of hot guys? Lizzie is the worst at operating with a wingwoman. Even when that wingwoman is super awesome and practically wrapping the guy up with a bow, like, here is some hot man action for you, sis. And wow, is she ungrateful.
4. She should get a kitten. She needs all the help she can get, and there is basically nothing better than a cute girl with a kitten. Lizzie just really needs to take a leaf out of the book of her way more alluring younger sister on this one. (Not that she could find a kitten a tenth as adorable as Kitty, she's the best.)
5. Let's be real: Lizzie has the worst taste. Ricky Collins? Breathing is totally freaking impossible through this much laughter. And sure, she was a kid when she proposed to Ricky in the most hilarious scene ever (I mean, it probably was, people who were three years old at the time don't have the clearest memory of it), but you should see who her high school crushes and boyfriends were. They were basically one total jerkass to two lamo pretentious hipsters, and then repeat. Even George ... well, he's not like her high school boyfriends, George is cool, and actually pretty sweet when you hang out with him. But it wasn't cool of him to mess her around like he did. Someone should probably talk to him about that.
6. Mopey people are just unattractive. When something gets you down you have to get out there and part-ay. You've gotta be fun to have fun, am I right? Shutting yourself up in your room making sad videos about how your best friend is ignoring you is the opposite of what you should do.
7. It doesn't help that she is crazy unobservant about like the tiny percentage of guys who actually are into her. Case in point: the Darcy thing? OM actual G. How do you miss that a guy is totally in love with you. Not that she should be with Darcy, because the guy is obvs a tool, and also his whole story about how things went down with George is super unconvincing. But that's not even the point here. The point is Lizzie Bennet: basically incapable of noticing a guy is hot for her until he's actually going down in flames on her vlog.
8. It's cool that Lizzie's smart and all, but maybe it would be cooler if she didn't always make other people feel quite so dumb. Like, nbd, seriously, community college is totes losing its brightest star to better places as soon as this year's results come in, and who cares if it doesn't, life is so not about that stuff. It's just that probably other people know, already, that they're not as nerdy and intellectual as she is. It would be hard not to know, especially if they've shared a house with her for the last twenty-one years.
9. Speaking of being nerdy, oh my god, who spends their weekend at the library? Lizzie you should look at your life, these are not the life choices of somebody who is ever going to be not single.
10. Lizzie is way too honest. If you want people to love you, you don't just say everything you're thinking. There's a line between being adorably shameless and not knowing how to watch your mouth, ever. (It does mean when she gives you a compliment it's pretty special, though, because you know it's real.)
11. Although also she's so unnecessarily judgy. Awesome people don't need her trying to change them all the time.
12. And someone needs to give that girl flirting lessons stat. Jane just doesn't flirt at all, which is obviously its own kind of traj, but she's so gorgeous and sweet that guys will keep on hanging round as long as she's still smiling at them. But Lizzie flirts lamely. Did you see her video from before the swimmers came to town? "Hey there"? A dude you're flirting with should be able to tell whether you're signalling "I would like to rock you all night long" or "What lovely weather we're having."
13. She's probably in love with her best friend anyway, which everyone knows is totes perpetual singledom town. (OMG that was a joke, but now I'm thinking about it and they would be super cute together, am I right?)
14. Ok so she's probs not in love with Charlotte. But did you watch those videos with Caroline Lee? There was totally a vibe there. Which takes us right back to terrible taste, because Caroline turned out to be a stone cold B-I-T-C-H. Lizzie's taste in girls is clearly even worse than her taste in guys, she's basically a train wreck of bad decisions.
15. Lizzie is just way too logical and literal when you're trying to have a conversation with her, it's totes boring.
16. Lizzie's blown off something with a guy more than once because her sister needed her: like maybe because her sister hadn't planned ahead totally as well as she could have and couldn't get home from the bar, or because sometimes swimming in your clothes seems like the most amazing idea when you're drunk and then you start freezing to death when you get out of the pool, and it can be kind of cool if your sister comes with a jacket, or whatever.
17. Sometimes she's a bit careless about leaving people behind, though. You lose people that way (obvs a fast lane to dying alone and single). It's a really bad family trait, she and Jane should both get on it. Everything's better when we're all at home, that's all.
18. When she's home, though, she is constantly lurking in her room, on the internet or with one of her million boring books. My 21st wasn't even the first party where she spent the first half of it hiding out in her room. On her own sweet 16th she got Charlotte to tell everyone she was feeling sick so she could stay in her room because she was up to a good bit in her book. (Which, ok, I've looked at her books and I can tell you that there are no good bits in them.) Although when she came out that time, she got everyone to play this like literary word game she'd made up that had these crazy forfeits and dares, which was lame but pretty fun. She actually made it a pretty cool party. Kinda like my 21st.
19. Lizzie is a terrible dancer. She seriously has no moves at all.
20. The truth is that she lets Mom get to her too much. With the marriage thing, I mean, and the crazy. She did research on marriage statistics. She made freaking graphs and tried to use those to argue with Mom. That's so lame, you can't argue with Mom like that. You have to let it slide off. Only, Lizzie's like a sponge that soaks up crazy – she's never let anything slide off in her life. But for realsies, just because that stuff's important to Mom doesn't mean that you build your entire video blog around it. Getting with a guy should be fun and sexy and awesome. It shouldn't be about your mother and what she wants, duh.
21. Maybe one kitten won't be enough.