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Maybe it's love that makes me human after all

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The rain was falling hard outside; the drops that fell on the roof made such a racket that Yuuichirou could not fall asleep. So he just lied in the dark, thinking. Resting in his arms was Mika. The vampire had fed not too long ago, from Yuuichirou’s neck – always the neck. After a satisfied sigh and a quietly mouthed “good night Yuu-chan” the vampire had snuggled up into Yuuichirou’s arms before promptly falling asleep, or so the young man could guess from the regular breathing he felt on his skin. Mika’s head was resting on Yuuichirou’s chest. Mika had once admitted that listening to Yuuichirou’s heartbeat soothed him. Mika always said embarrassing stuff like that. It made Yuuichirou blush and feel all giddy inside – though he would never admit it; he still had some pride to defend.

Yuuichirou liked their sleeping position because it allowed him to run his hand through Mika’s hair; it was all soft and silky. Yuuichirou would often fall asleep with his fingers entangled in the blond locks. Not tonight, though, sleep was definitely out of reach for Yuuichirou. He sighed. He felt so tired.

He used his free hand to touch the bite mark on his neck. He felt the scab under his fingertips. He smiled. It was weird, but he enjoyed being bitten. Well, it was not all that weird since it was apparently normal for a consenting “victim” to enjoy a vampire’s bite (Yuuichirou had read about it and Mika had confirmed it was a true fact). But Yuuichirou actually wanted Mika to bite him. At first, he had hidden that need behind worry, always asking Mika if he wanted to feed. It had eventually led to such a fight between the two of them that Yuuichirou had had to admit the truth, no matter how embarrassing it felt. He was glad he had, though. Mika was more at ease with the situation now, and he fed every night – a very small amount of blood – before they went to sleep. It had become, Yuuichirou realized with a blush, an act of affection, of love.

Yes, Yuuichirou loved Mika. And Mika loved him back, unconditionally. In fact, the depth of Mika’s affection sometimes scared Yuuichirou. He accepted Mika’s love, all of it, but he was scared of what would happen to the vampire after he died. The young man knew he was the center of Mika’s world and that Mika would not love someone else. Vampires were not known to experience attraction toward humans; Mika’s love for Yuuichirou was an exception. The probability that Mika became attached to someone else after he outlived Yuuichirou was almost nil. What would become of Mika if the vampire had no purpose in life?

That’s why I need to find a way to make him human again, and fast, Yuuichirou thought. And until then, I’ll love him the best I can.

He felt Mika move slightly. “Yuu-chan…?”

“I thought you were sleeping. Did the rain wake you?”

“I think I did fall asleep at some point… But I felt you were awake. Is something bothering you?”

“The rain. It’s too loud.”

Yuuichirou felt Mika’s quiet laugh against his chest more than he heard it. “You sound like a child. Should I sing you to sleep?”

“No thanks.”

Another laugh. Yuuichirou wished it was not so dark; he would love to see Mika’s smiling face. “You’re going to be tired if you don’t get any sleep, though.”

“I’ll manage.”

“Hm, really? You’re always in a bad mood when you don’t get enough sleep, Yuu-chan.”

“Ah, shut up…”

“See, you’re moody already.”

Yuuichirou let out an annoyed groan; he actually enjoyed Mika’s teasing, though. It felt… nostalgic. Mika readjusted his position, so he had his head resting in the crook of Yuuichirou’s neck.

“You’re warm, Yuu-chan.”

Ah, even that felt familiar. As children, Mika would often cuddle up to him at night, especially when he came back late in the night, trying to get warm. At the time, Yuuichirou had not understood why Mika had been feeling so cold all the time. It was much later that he understood; Mika had been giving his blood to Ferid and was coming back home worn out. Yuuichirou bit lips, angry at the memory. He wrapped his arms around Mika and held him tight.

“Yuu-chan?”

Yuuichirou did not reply. He buried his face in Mika’s hair and tried to calm down his anger. He felt Mika’s hand caress his hip gently.

“What’s wrong, Yuu-chan?”

“I was so blind. I never realized how hard it was for you back then.”

“Back then? … Oh.” Suddenly, Mika was hugging him back, tangling their legs together. “Don’t blame yourself. I was doing my best to hide it from you. I couldn’t have you get mad and do something stupid. I had to protect you. But…”

“Mika…”

“In the end, I was the stupid one, right?” Yuuichirou tensed; he knew where this was going. “Because of my naïve plan for escape, everyone, our family–”

“Stop it, Mika!”

It was too late; Yuuichirou felt Mika’s tears against his neck as the vampire buried his face in his shoulder. Yuuichirou bit his lips as he felt the moisture filling his own eyes. He was thankful for the darkness, he did not want Mika to know he was crying too.

“Mika, don’t cry. None of this was your fault, remember? You told me yourself it had been a trap set by the vampire. Even if you had not fallen for it, he would have found another way. It was not your fault.”

Yuuichirou kissed the top of Mika’s head. He felt guilty, he should not have mentioned the past, it never did them any good. Mika was trying to stifle his sobs but Yuuichirou could feel the sharp intakes of breath against the skin of his neck.

“Bite me,” Yuuichirou said gently. “It’ll make you feel better.”

“No. Yuu-chan…”

“Please, Mika.”

Mika put his mouth against Yuuichirou’s neck. He did not bite right away. He stuck out his tongue and licked the skin. Yuuichirou let Mika take his time. He knew this kind of “foreplay” had become important to the vampire. Mika was showing he could exercise control over his need, for Yuuichirou’s sake.

When fangs finally sank into his skin, Yuuichirou realized the bite was too high on his neck and that it would be a pain to hide it tomorrow. But as soon Mika began sucking, the worry flew from his mind. He let himself bask in the pleasure of letting his life force feed his lover. It was a unique feeling, sensual and intimate.

Yuuichirou didn’t hear the rain anymore. The only thing he could hear was the sound of Mika sucking and swallowing.

“Mika…” he sighed. He realized he would willingly let Mika suck him dry. But Mika would never do that, and that was the beauty of it: giving yourself entirely to someone you could trust.

Mika stopped. He gave Yuuichirou’s neck a kiss.

“Sorry, Yuu-chan…”

“Don’t apologize. Just say ‘thanks’ or something, but never apologize.”

“Sor– I mean, thank you, Yuu-chan.”

“Are you feeling better?”

“A bit.”

“Good.”

“But I drank quite a lot. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” More than fine. “It felt good, Mika.” He knew he was blushing. And with Mika’s thigh pressed against his crotch, the vampire surely knew just how good Yuuichirou was feeling.

“Do you want to…?” Yuuichirou felt Mika’s hand brush against his pelvis.

Yuuichirou bit his lip. While they could both enjoy the blood feeding process, Mika was unable to experience sexual arousal. It made Yuuichirou felt bad when Mika tended to his libido because he could do nothing to reciprocate.

“Nah, I’m okay.”

“Let me. Please?” Mika whispered into Yuuichirou’s ear.

“Mika…”

“Please, Yuu-chan?”

Damn, when Mika was begging like this, there was no way Yuuichirou could refuse.

“A-Alright.” Even before he was done breathing out the word, Mika had wrapped his hand around his cock. He clenched his jaw as he tried to keep himself from moaning.

“It’s okay, Yuu-chan. The rain is so loud, no one can hear you.”

Expect you. Yuuichirou gasped. Mika was becoming a master at hand jobs. Mika’s hand felt better, much better than his own. “Mika…”

“I love it when you say my name, Yuu-chan.”

“Mika… I…”

“Does it feel good?”

Don’t make me say it. “Yes… feels so good Mika…” This time, he could not stifle his moan as Mika licked his neck that was still sensitive from the bite. Yuuichirou almost asked Mika to bite him again, but he did not, knowing it would ruin the mood.

“You’re so hot. Are you close?”

Yuuichirou nodded. “Yesss… Mika…”

Mika let go of him. Yuuichirou was about to voice his protest when he felt Mika take away the sheet that covered them. “Can’t make a mess.” His palm then returned to Yuuichirou’s cock, stroking faster.

It did not take long before Yuuichirou’s orgasm arrived. He cried out Mika’s name as he came all over the vampire’s fingers.

He was barely conscious of Mika moving to grab some tissue to clean the mess.

“You sure are interested in my sex needs for someone who does not have a sex drive…” Yuuichirou muttered when Mika curled up against him once more.

“That’s the only way I can make love to you.”

Yuuichirou blushed. “Mika.” With his hand, he located Mika’s face in the dark. His thumb stroked the cool lips.

“Kiss me,” the vampire begged. Yuuchirou obliged. Mika tasted like blood, always, but Yuuichirou did not mind.

“I love you so much, Yuu-chan,” Mika murmured after they broke the kiss.

“Me too, Mika.”

Mika rested his head against Yuuichirou’s chest. The young man’s hand found its way into Mika’s hair once more.

Outside, the rain was relenting a bit. Yuuichirou was feeling sleepy, but there was a thought on his mind.

“Mika. Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

“When did you first realize you were… in love with me?”

“When I was ten.” The reply was straightforward, without an ounce of hesitation. The confident tone surprised Yuuichirou.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“How?”

Mika took a deep breath, like someone about to tell an important story. “It was after I had a nightmare. I was crying, but I tried to keep quiet – I didn’t want to wake the others. But you heard me. You asked me what was wrong and I told you: ‘Don’t worry, I just had a nightmare. Go back to sleep.’ You hugged me, then. And you told me: ‘As if I could, stupid.’ That’s when I thought: ‘Ah, Yuu-chan is so kind.’”

“And… that’s how you knew you were in love?”

“Yes.”

Yuuichirou frowned as he tried to remember that particular occurrence. There had been so many times when he had comforted Mika after he had had a nightmare (though the opposite had happened more often). “So… after that, you’ve been in love with me the whole time.”

“Yes.” Yuuichirou could swear Mika sounded embarrassed. “Does it shock you?”

“I would never have guessed you were feeling that way back then.”

“You always were so clueless.”

“Hey! Watch it!” Yuuichirou protested.

“But that was a relief for me. I was afraid you would find out and feel… disgusted by me.”

“I… don’t think I would have been.”

“Really?”

“Well, maybe I would have gone ‘eww’ at first because I was a kid. You know, that feel you get when you see other people kiss and think ‘that’s gross’.”

“So, you would have been grossed out by the idea of love in general?”

“Yeah. But then, since it was you, I guess I would have thought more about it.”

“Do you think you would have loved me back?”

Yuuichirou thought about it for a while before answering. “Honestly, I can’t say. I was probably too obsessed by killing all the vampires to think about love.” He sure had been immature back then.

“I see.”

“Disappointed?”

“Nuh-uh. That sounds likely. That’s why I wanted to go and live outside. So we could live without worrying about the vampires.”

“Mika…”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to cry again. I just want you to know I’ve always dreamt about living the rest of my life with you.”

“Let’s run away together.” The words echoed in Yuuichirou’s mind. He had not realized their depths the first time he heard them. “Mika…”

“I sound so silly. Sorry.”

“No, you don’t. It’s…” Yuuichirou searched for a word. “It’s endearing. And very Mika-like. And I promise I’ll stay with you and make you human again. And then we’ll have our paradise.”

“Yuu-chan…” Mika kissed Yuuichirou’s chest. “You sound like a prince.”

“So you’re the princess?” Mika pinched Yuuchirou’s hip. “Ouch! Sorry… You’d be cute in a dress, though. Ouch! Okay, okay, I’ll stop.”

They both ended up laughing. It felt nice, hearing Mika’s laughter. It had become too rare.

“What about you?” Mika suddenly asked.

“What about me?”

“When did you know you were in love?”

Yuuichirou hesitated. When, indeed? He had not had a sudden revelation like Mika. It had been something more progressive, gradual.

“I’m not sure. I think I fell in love without realizing it. I was too worried about everything to figure out my feelings.” As he was trying to put his thoughts into words, Yuuichirou’s finger stroked the pointy tip of Mika’s ear. “Once I knew you were alive, my vision of the world changed. I knew as long as you were alive, I would be okay.”

“Yuu-chan…”

“Maybe I fell in love the first time I gave you blood, even though it had not dawned on me yet. I was just so happy to have you back, and to be able to give you a bit of myself to save you.” Yuuichirou could feel Mika squirming against him. The vampire was burying his face in Yuuichirou’s chest, as if embarrassed. That’s cute, the young man thought with a smile. “I think I really realized how I felt… when you were wounded and told me to leave you.” He bit his lip at the memory. Images flashed in his mind: the sight of Mika’s deep wound and the vampire’s crestfallen smile as he told Yuuichirou to leave (“Hurry up and go, idiot.”) “I… the thought of losing you again… I just couldn’t accept it… Not again…” Damn, he was about to cry. Other images came, from an older time. Images of Mika’s torn body, his blood pouring out, tears spilling from eyes unable to focus.

“Yuu-chan…”

“I guess I already loved you, Mika… When we were children… That’s why… it hurt so much…” His voice broke with a sob.

“Shh… Yuu-chan…” Mika moved and kissed Yuuichirou’s neck. “It’s okay,” he whispered into the young man’s ear. “I’m right here. Thanks to your reckless heroism, I’m still here, with you.”

“Mika…”

“I’m so happy you love me, Yuu-chan.” He kissed Yuuichirou on the cheek, then again, on the lips. Yuuichirou could taste the tang of blood once more. It appeased him, because it tasted like Mika.

They kept kissing until Yuuichirou calmed down. As their lips separated, Yuuichirou absentmindedly noticed that the rain had stopped.

“We sure cried a lot tonight,” he said.

“Yeah,” Mika replied, making himself comfortable against Yuuichirou once more. “Vampires usually don’t cry, you know.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Actually, during the four years I spent away from you, I never cried. It’s only after I saw you again that I found out I could shed tears.”

“Hm… Maybe it’s because you’re still human, deep inside.”

“Yuu-chan?”

“You keep saying vampires don’t do this or that, but you always seem to be the exception. I think you’re different because you never really lost your humanity.”

Mika stayed quiet for a moment, as if considering Yuuichirou’s words. “That sounds kinda farfetched.”

“Don’t shoot down my theories like that.”

“Sorry,” Mika said. “But maybe… just maybe…” he whispered.

“Hm? What?”

“It’s because I’m in love with you.”

Yuuichirou blushed. Actually, that explanation, even if a bit too romantic, made sense. At least, he wanted to believe in it.

“Maybe that’s the key to making you human again. Love.”

“A bit like a fairytale,” Mika said with a laugh.

“No, not a fairytale. I will definitely make it come true.”

“I believe you, Yuu-chan.”

Yuuichirou smiled and wrapped his arms around Mika. The vampire had been against him for so long that he felt warm now. Yuuichirou closed his eyes.

“Good night, Mika.”

“Good night, Yuu-chan.”