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Strange and Beautiful

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Strange and Beautiful

I've been watching your world from afar,

I've been trying to be where you are,

And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen.

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,

You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,

You turn every head but you don't see me.





Lawrence, Kansas. 1994


               Castiel liked Dean. Not in the way that friends liked each other. No.

               Even at eleven years old, Sam could tell. Could see the way Castiel’s body unconsciously leaned closer to his brother, could see the way his bright blue eyes never strayed far from Dean’s face.

               It intrigued him.

               He first met Castiel a few weeks after the start of school. Dean developed a habit of sharing every detail of his new high school life, and he mentioned a classmate of his several times. How he was quiet and kind of shy, but once you got to know him, he was actually crazy smart and made these weird jokes that Dean found funny even if he didn’t understand them. He was an “awesome nerdy dude,” and a generally nice guy. Before long, Dean was calling him the best friend he ever had, and Sam wondered what kind of person this “Cas” was to make Dean so fond of him.

               It turned out Dean wasn’t lying when he said Cas was a nice guy. The moment Cas entered their home and saw Sam sitting on the couch with his homework on a Friday night, he didn’t look at him like he was a big nerd or a weird alien. He just smiled a barely-there smile and extended his hand. “You must be Sammy,” he said.

               Normally, Sam hated it when other people called him ‘Sammy’. He even hated it when Dean called him ‘Sammy’. However, when this relative stranger with big blue eyes called him that name, he didn’t mind that much at all. But still… “It’s Sam.”

               Dean’s friend smiled. “Sure, nice to meet you, Sam,” he said. And despite the weird way Castiel looked at Dean mere moments ago, Sam instantly liked him.

               He wasn’t like Dean’s other friends at all. Some of Dean’s friends would visit their place and just ignore Sam completely, some would feign interest in what he was doing, and others would look at him like he was a potted plant placed in front of the TV, obstructing their view. He never did like them very much.

               But Cas, he liked Cas.

               Cas never ignored him. He asked Sam about school, and actually seemed interested in what Sam had to say. He invited Sam to play video games with him and Dean, and he even let Sam borrow some of his old books, most of them detective novels and horror/sci-fi stories. Sam loved the books about angels warring against demons the most. They were very interesting, and Cas never thought that they might be too scary or mature for a grade school kid like Sam.

               Cas hung out at their house a lot. Sometimes, he even slept over. His dad was some businessman who always went away on trips; he never knew his mom. He was often left home alone, so whenever he got bored, he’d take the 5-minute bus ride to Dean and Sam’s house and hang out with them. Neither of their dads minded that Cas was always there. Cas always brought food with him, which was probably why John Winchester didn’t mind having another boy eating dinner with them all the time. He was mostly away on trips himself, so it was usually just Dean, Sam, and Cas at home, hanging out, playing video games, or playing soccer in the rain. It was like Sam had gained another older brother, one that actually tried to help him with his homework instead of backing away like the word “math” was some kind of deadly, contagious disease.

               It was the perfect arrangement.

               Perfect, if Sam were to ignore all the times Cas looked at Dean like he was the only thing that mattered in the world, all the times when Cas stood too close or leaned too far into Dean’s personal space, and all the times Cas blushed whenever Dean praised him or laughed at his jokes.

               Perfect, if Sam were to ignore all the times he felt jealous of Dean because of all this.

               Was he just jealous because he wanted a good friend like that, like the way Cas was to Dean? He didn’t know. All he knew was that he felt weird when Cas was near and he wanted it to go away.

               Eventually, though, their perfect arrangement started to break apart. Not to Cas and Dean, no. They were still the best of friends. It was Sam who began to change, even if no one else noticed it yet.

               Sam never realized how much he would come to like Cas until he found himself listening more intently to Dean’s stories once Cas’ name popped up. He found himself rushing to get home every Friday afternoon because that’s when Cas always came to visit, and when Cas came by to watch some movies with them, he found himself wishing that Cas would take his eyes off the screen, or off of Dean, and just look at him instead. Look at him. And only him.

               He never did of course.

               Even at eleven years old, Sam could tell. Could see that Cas liked him, but not as much as he liked Dean, and could see that Cas will never look at him the way he looked at Dean. It bothered him, for he had never been jealous of anything his brother had. Never. Until that day when a boy with bright blue eyes walked through their door and called him “Sammy.”



Part 1


Lawrence, Kansas. 1995


               “Dean, get off, it’s hot,” Sam complained, trying to push Dean’s head off of his lap. They were sitting on the porch one hot summer day just before Sam started middle school. Sam was trying to read the latest book in the angels and demons series that Cas lent him, while Dean insisted on using Sam’s lap as a pillow as he flipped through a car magazine.

                “You think dad’ll give me the Impala when I get my license?” Dean asked, ignoring Sam’s attempts to push him off. Sam hadn’t gone through his growth spurt yet, so Dean was a good foot taller and at least 20 pounds heavier than him. It was a futile attempt on Sam’s part, and Dean knew it.

                “I don’t know,” Sam said irritably. The heat was getting to him, and even his palm was starting to sweat against the glossy paperback of the book. “Can’t we go in and turn on the A/C? I think I’m gonna be sick from the heat,” Sam told Dean.

                “Nope, no can do kiddo. You know the schedule. Only two hours in the afternoon, or Dad’ll kill us if the bill gets too high,” Dean reminded Sam. “Maybe when I graduate he’ll give it to me as a present,” Dean said thoughtfully, returning to his earlier fantasies about owning the Impala.

                “I don’t know,” Sam replied again, trying to push Dean’s head off his lap, but to no avail.

                “Hey!” he heard Cas call from across the yard.

                Sam looked up immediately to see Cas walking toward them, a backpack slung over his shoulder and a plastic bag from a grocery store in his hand. Immediately, Sam forgot that Dean was even there, and he smiled brightly and began to wave, when something caught his eye as Cas approached.

                The older boy was sweating from the heat, and Sam’s eyes were glued to a drop of sweat that started to fall down the side of his face and down to his neck. He saw Cas smile and wipe his sweat with a hand and Sam’s mouth instantly went dry.

                “It’s so hot,” Cas might have said, but Sam wasn’t paying attention. His eyes were on Cas’ hands and the way he pulled the hem of his shirt and started to fan himself with it, revealing a strip of flushed skin on his stomach.

                “Cas, you’re awesome!” Sam heard Dean say in excitement, and suddenly Dean was up and grabbing the plastic bag Cas had with him.

                Before he even knew it, Dean had rushed past him and into the house.

                “You coming?” Cas asked him.

                “Huh?” Sam blushed furiously, dropping the book on his lap when Cas walked near.

                “Ice cream. I bought some on the way over, come on. I got sprinkles,” Cas said, gesturing for Sam to follow him.

                Sam swallowed nervously. “Uh, you go ahead,” he said, refusing to look Cas in the face. “I remembered I forgot to get the mail.”

                “Well, okay then. But come quick, okay? That ice cream was out in this heat for a long time. It could be soup by the time you get back,” Cas said, and Sam just nodded in response.

                He waited until Cas had vanished into the house before covering his face with both his palms in embarrassment. “No, no, no,” he chanted. After a few seconds, he peeked between his fingers and fought the urge to curse the way Dean did whenever their dad wasn’t there to hear. He sighed in frustration and very gingerly pulled the book off his lap. It was still there, and Sam was mortified at how close Cas came to seeing it.

                He couldn’t believe this was happening.

                He had an erection. Looking at Cas. Someone who was like an older brother to him. And someone who was, most likely, in love with Dean instead.

                Sam buried his face in his palms again in shame. “I’m so dead.”



New York City


                “Hey Sammeeey!” Dean greeted enthusiastically when Sam picked up his phone. “How you holdin’ up?”

                “I’m doing good,” Sam replied as he carefully balanced a box labeled ‘kitchen stuff’ in one hand and his cell phone in the other. “You can tell Bobby the apartment looks great,” he said, carefully weaving his way through the boxes strewn about on the floor to get to the kitchen.

                “Oh, really? That’s good.”

                “Yeah. Thank him for me, will you?” he asked as he stabbed the top of the box open with a pair of scissors.  “If his friend didn’t give me a massive discount on the rent here, I couldn’t even afford to live in New York on my own.”

                “Will do,” Dean agreed. “So. Did ya’ open my present yet?”

                “Your present?” Sam asked, looking up from the box to crane his neck towards the living room couch. The small package was lying there next to a box of pizza and a pile of clean underwear. “I just got it this afternoon. I’m pretty busy unpacking, Dean.”

                “Ouch. Sammy, I’m hurt. And here I thought you’d be so happy I gave you a present for your new job.”

                Sam rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright. I’ll check it out,” he told Dean before making his way to the couch and picking up the package. He ripped through the paper wrapping, opened the box, and fished out a red tie with dozens of dancing moose printed on it. “Really, Dean? You couldn’t have gotten me an ordinary tie?”

                The bark of laughter from Dean’s end was so loud, it made Sam pull the phone away from his ear for a bit. “Hey! You gotta look your best, right?” Dean said through the last of his chuckling. “You’re a hotshot corporate lawyer now.”

                “Dean, this tie is so ugly, they might not even let me in the building!” Sam said as he inspected the tie closer. The moose were even winking at him. He cringed and placed the tie back in the box.

                “Hey, it matches that little moose pendant thing you keep in your wallet.”

                “That’s different,” Sam said. “That actually looks nice. This is just, bleh,” Sam said, sticking his tongue out in disgust. “I have to make a good impression, not make my colleagues alienate me from the get-go.”

                “Dude, what are you talking about? You beat like a hundred applicants to get this job. You can handle anything they throw at you!”

                Sam chuckled. “Thanks. But I’m still not wearing that tie.”




                “Sam Winchester?”

                Sam looked up from the magazine he was reading in the law firm’s waiting area. He was a good hour early for his first day, but he couldn’t help it. He was going to work at Milton Adler, one of Manhattan’s best law firms. It was like hitting the jackpot. “Yes?” he asked, standing up to shake the hand of a rather small man with a thick beard.

                “Oh Jesus, you’re a giant,” the man said with a nervous chuckle.

                Sam smiled. “You’re not the first person to tell me that.”

               “I’m Chuck Shurley. Paralegal… just, uh, just follow me,” he said, ushering Sam further into the office. “Mr. Adler’s in a meeting right now so I’m just gonna take you directly to Mr. Novak, he’s the one who’ll be supervising you.”

                “Novak?” Sam asked, the familiar name bringing images to his mind of a boy he hadn’t seen in ages but had never quite forgotten.

                “Yeah,” Chuck replied just as they turned a corner and stopped in front of a spacious corner office with a glass wall separating it from the hallway. One wall was lined entirely with books, while the rest were floor to ceiling glass windows that provided a breathtaking view of the Manhattan cityscape. An imposing black desk sat empty near the window, devoid of any clutter or stacks of paper. It looked like Sam’s new boss was running late.

                “Hey, Jo… is he in yet?” Chuck said, walking towards a circular desk with a pretty blonde sitting behind it. She looked young, and though she was wearing an expensive looking blouse and a respectable pencil skirt, she looked like she could kick Sam’s butt if she wanted to. Sam liked her already.

                Jo looked up from her computer screen with a big grin on her face, that got bigger when she saw Sam. “Whoa… hey Chuck, is this the male stripper I wanted for my birthday?”

                “Jo!” Chuck squeaked. “We just had that sexual harassment seminar last week, remember? This is the new associate,” Chuck advised her. Sam just smiled awkwardly.

                “Sam Winchester,” Sam reached across the desk to shake Jo’s hand.

                “I was just messing with you. Call me Jo,” she said. “And you guys are out of luck. Cas isn’t in yet. He’s arriving from Tokyo this morning so he’s taking the day off.”

                Sam felt his throat go dry at the mention of that name. “Cas…?” he managed to get out. Jo was saying something else but he couldn’t hear her through the rush of something in his ears—panic, nervousness? He didn’t know. His eyes zeroed in on the name printed on the glass door of the office and his world froze.

                Castiel Novak

                Senior Partner

                Distantly, he heard Jo say. “Oh, hey, never mind, he’s here.”

                “Huh?” Sam snapped out of his stupor and followed Jo’s gaze down the long hallway. Even from that far, there was no mistaking it. The blue eyes and the messy hair were all Sam needed to recognize that the man was Castiel. He was walking while reading a piece of paper in one hand and carrying a brief case in the other. He paid no heed to the people walking in the hallway, but that didn’t matter, as all the other people seemed to part like the Red Sea to make way for him.

                “That’s Mr. Novak,” Chuck informed him.

                Sam would have opened his mouth to speak, except he knew he wouldn’t be able to form words anyway. He was too busy taking in every detail of Castiel’s appearance. As he walked closer, Sam was struck by how different he looked. Gone was the gangly teenager he remembered, replaced by a man in his early thirties, still tall, but with a bit more muscle on his bones. He looked a bit worse for wear, his tan trench coat was wrinkled, his blue tie askew, his beard in need of a bit of trimming, and his hair sticking out in all angles. He looked like he just went through hell and back (must’ve been a rough flight). Yet despite this, he looked good. No, more than good. He looked extremely attractive, and Sam started having that heart-pounding, gut wrenching feeling he used to get whenever Cas was around all those years ago. Some things never change, it seemed.

                “I thought you weren’t coming in today. You look like you haven’t even slept yet,” Jo called out when Castiel was near enough.

                “I’ll sleep later. I’m picking up the Wesson files so I can work on them at home,” Cas replied without looking up from his papers.

                ‘Well, that’s one thing that changed dramatically,’ Sam thought as he tried to hide the shiver that ran down his spine at the sound of Cas’ deep, gravelly voice. And when Cas walked towards Jo’s desk, Sam realized he was now taller than Cas too. He felt weird looking down at the top of Cas’ head when all he could remember before was looking up at Cas’ face instead. It seemed almost surreal standing beside Cas after all these years. Then, he realized Cas’ eyes were still glued to what he was reading, and Sam swallowed down the urge to grab Cas by the shoulders and shake him until he looked up and recognized him.

                “It’s not exactly taking a day off from work if you’re bringing your work home with you,” Jo reasoned, even as she pulled out a ring bound sheaf of paper and placed it on the counter in front of Castiel. “By the way, your new man slave is here,” she announced.

                “Associate!” Chuck corrected her quickly.

                “Associate?” Cas asked, noticing, as if for the first time, that there were people standing beside him. He turned, expecting to come face to face with his new associate. Instead he was visibly surprised to see a man who was a lot taller than him, and Sam couldn’t help but smile when Cas had to adjust his line of sight to look up at his face.

                The moment their eyes met, however, Sam’s smile faded, zapped away by the nervousness that accompanied thoughts of Cas being either unable to recognize him, or being able to recognize him and reacting unfavorably to the sight of him. He didn’t know which scenario he dreaded more. After all, they didn’t exactly part as friends… and Sam had nobody to blame but himself for that.

                The intensity of those blue eyes studying his face was almost suffocating him, and after what seemed like an eternity (it was only three seconds), Sam saw the exact moment recognition dawned on Cas’ face.

                “Sam,” was all he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

                The relief at seeing Cas recognize him washed all of Sam’s uneasiness away for a moment, and he smiled. “Hi, Castiel,” he greeted with a warmth usually reserved for friends.

                That might not have been the right way to go with it because as soon as he spoke, Cas’ eyes grew wide, like a deer caught in headlights, and he looked both shocked and terrified for a moment.

               Sam’s smile vanished just as instantly.

               “Excuse me for a second,” Cas said slowly, carefully, eyes never leaving Sam’s face as if he was sure Sam would suddenly burst into flames in front of him. Even as he took the sheaf of paper from the counter and tucked it under his arm, he kept his eyes locked on Sam. It made Sam ten times more nervous than before.

               “I…. will be with you shortly…” Cas added before he blinked and finally tore his gaze away from Sam’s face and stiffly made his way towards his office. Sam watched with a confused expression as Cas closed the office door behind him, and pushed a button on the side that made the glass frosted, hiding him and his office completely from view.

               Sam was still staring at the opaque white glass wall when Jo got off her chair and leaned on the counter beside Sam. “Wow. You two know each other?” she asked, her face alive with curiosity.

               Sam turned away from the glass wall and rolled his shoulders to compose himself. “Uh, yeah…”

               “I’ve never seen anyone take Cas by surprise like that,” Jo said. “So, what are you two, like old lovers?”

               “What? No!” Sam blurted out, feeling his face flush instantly hot.

                “A one night stand gone horribly wrong then?”


               Chuck looked at Jo’s determined face and at Sam’s alarmed one, and his self preservation instincts kicked in. “I-I better go…” Chuck told them before making his escape.

               “Come on, tell me. I promise I’ll be discreet.”

               “It’s nothing…” Sam chucked nervously. “Nothing like that,” he reiterated, loosening his tie a bit so he can breathe better.

               “Oh.” Jo’s face fell and she sat back down on her chair. “So what, you knew each other in law school or something?”

               Sam glanced back at the white glass wall. “I didn’t even know he became a lawyer,” he told her. “I remember he wanted to be a writer…” he found himself saying.

               This brought Jo’s excitement back up and she scooted her chair closer to the counter. “You knew him before law school then. Oh wow. College? No wait, I know, high school! You know him from high school.”

               Sam had to admit, Jo was very smart and determined. “Yeah,” Sam finally conceded. “We went to the same high school. He was my, uh, brother’s best friend.”

               As Sam revealed that, Jo’s eyes grew to epic proportions. “Tell. Me. Everything.”

               Just then, the door to Cas’ office opened… and well, Sam honestly didn’t know what to make of what he was seeing. Cas stood by the door, and he actually looked more put together. His hair was a little less messy and he was wearing a different suit and tie. The dark circles under his eyes were still there, but the jetlagged and crumpled look he had was all gone. Even more disconcerting was the fact that all Sam could think of was how Cas looked extremely fine in that three-piece suit. “Come in, Mr. Winchester,” Cas said, before leaving the door open for Sam and disappearing back into the office.

               And whoa, that sounded a lot more inviting than it actually did. Partly because older Cas was hot as hell, and partly because Sam had watched too many pornos that started like this, with the boss inviting his employee into his office for a private chat.

               Sam felt his cock twitch inside his pants and that sent alarm bells ringing in his head. Those were definitely not the kind of thoughts he should have been having at that moment.

                “You might wanna pick up your jaw first before going inside,” Sam heard Jo say.

               Sam glanced back at Jo and chuckled nervously before heading in.

                The first thing Sam saw inside the office was Cas’ silhouette as he faced the window, his hands in his pockets and his stance a lot less stiff than before. In fact, Cas looked imposing as he gazed out at the rooftops of the other smaller buildings nearby. They were high up enough that a good portion of the view was nothing but uninterrupted skyline, and Sam couldn’t help but think Cas seemed almost like an all-powerful being looking down on the mere humans below. Sam wondered how Cas could exude so much confidence just standing there like that, while five minutes ago he was stiff and awkward at the sight of Sam.

                “Close the door and have a seat,” he heard Cas say, the authoritative tone in his voice enough to jolt Sam from his prolonged staring and make Sam do immediately as he was told.

                He took the nearest seat to the door (not because it provided the easiest path to escape, mind you) and waited for Cas to speak again or turn around. Between closing the door and taking a seat, a hundred and one thoughts had flashed through Sam’s mind. Mostly of the first time he saw Cas: a lazy autumn afternoon spent stealing glances at Cas as he played videogames with Dean… and the last time he saw Cas: a bright spring afternoon watching Cas from afar as he walked away.

                A feeling of dread pooled in the pit of Sam’s stomach. Cas didn’t want him here. If he worked here, it might make things awkward. This was it. He was getting fired on his first day. On the other hand, maybe Cas didn’t care about what happened in the past. It was more than ten years ago. Surely, Cas wouldn’t hold it against Sam now. They weren’t teenagers anymore. Things had changed. Cas wouldn’t fire him. He wouldn’t.

                “So,” Cas began, and Sam shook his head to clear his thoughts of the mental panicking he had just been going through. He watched as Cas turned around and walked to his desk, a serious expression on his face as he pointedly looked away from Sam’s direction.

               Okay. He was getting fired.

               “I apologize,” Cas said before finally looking at Sam.

               Sam blinked. That was unexpected.

               “I was not informed a new associate was coming in today,” Cas told him.  “If I did, I would have chosen an earlier flight and welcomed you better than… well, better than this.”

               So formal. I get it now…he’s in lawyer mode,’ he thought as he squared his shoulders. “No harm done,” he answered.

                “Well… I suppose there’s no need to waste any more time, is there?” Cas asked Sam.

               Sam composed himself. This was it. He was getting fired now.

               Cas pressed the intercom button. “Jo.”

               “Yes boss?”

               “Please have Chuck escort Sam to Lucifer’s Cage.”

               “Right away,” Jo replied.

               “Lucifer’s Cage?” Sam couldn’t help the awkward chuckle that escaped his throat at the sound of such a ridiculous thing coming from Cas’ mouth. “Is this some sort of weird office lingo you have for firing people?”

               At this, Cas cocked his head to the side and gave Sam his first confused expression since he came in here and regenerated to ‘lawyer Cas’, for a lack of a better term. “Why would you be fired? You just got here.”

               “Wait, so I’m not fired?”

               “No,” Cas informed him.

               Sam felt a huge wave of relief wash over him and he sighed “That’s great,” even as a wide grin overtook his face. “I thought for sure you were gonna fire me.”

               “Why would I?” Cas questioned. “I have no reason to fire you.”

               “But you’re sticking me in Lucifer’s Cage? Should I be worried?” Sam asked.

                “This will be your first job assignment. Lucifer’s Cage. It’s what the other associates have affectionately called Conference Room B, as it is now being occupied by documents from the Lucien-Phifer deal. It’s a pretty ingenious nickname, if you ask me.”

               “Yeah, but a cage?”

               “They say once you get in, you can never get out. They jest of course. Most of the associates eat lunch out at 1 and leave work at 10,” Cas said with a straight face, and Sam didn’t know if he was going to laugh or say something or keep quiet.

               Chuck chose that time to reappear. “Uh, Castiel… Jo said I should fetch Sam?”

               “Yes, please,” Cas said before he sat down on his chair and opened a folder in front of him. “And while you’re at it, orient him with the specifics of the Lucien-Phifer deal,” he ordered.

               “Okay,” Chuck replied. “You ready?” he asked Sam.

               Sam nodded.

               “I’ll wait for you outside,” Chuck said, closing the door behind him once again.

               Sam reluctantly stood up. Now that he knew for sure he wasn’t fired, it meant Cas had no objections with Sam working here. It was a good sign, and he wanted to stay and actually talk to Cas. Though Cas didn’t deny remembering Sam, he also avoided mentioning anything about their past. No “How have you been?” or “It’s been a long time,” or maybe even, “Hey, how’s Dean doing these days?” It made the situation extremely awkward for Sam, and if they were going to work together, awkward just wouldn’t cut it.

                “Uh… Cas?” he ventured, just as his hand was poised at the door handle.

               Cas looked up from reading and gave Sam one of his intense stares.  “Yes?”

Sam tried a smile. “It’s really good to see you again,” he said.

               Cas’ unnerving stare was broken as he blinked, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. He looked shy all of a sudden. “You too,” he said, before fixing his gaze back on Sam. “You look good,” he added. “I mean… you-you’ve gotten tall.”

               Sam’s smile widened. “Thanks, I guess,” he replied with a chuckle. “You look really good too,” he replied.

               Cas cleared his throat. “Uh, yes, well, I believe Chuck is waiting for you outside.”

               “Oh, right,” he said with a sheepish smile. “I’ll go jump into Lucifer’s Cage now. I hope I come back alive.”

               A barely there smile graced Cas’ lips as he replied, “See that you do,” and Sam felt a warmth in his chest he hadn’t felt in a long time. He closed the door behind him with much more confidence in what lay ahead of him. He got to keep his job, he met Cas again as his new boss, and it turned out that Cas wasn’t one to hold grudges after all. He was determined to make something out of his good fortune. He would do everything he could to impress Cas and the other partners, and he would also work on getting back into Cas’ good graces and maybe actually have Cas call him a friend again. It was worth a shot.

               But before he could do all that, he had to deal with his first work assignment. And, as he soon discovered, working in a conference room filled to the brim with paper stacks and boxes was no easy task. “So this is Lucifer’s Cage, huh?” Sam asked Chuck.

               “Yup. Good luck keeping your soul when you get out of that. Legend says a summer intern named Adam Milligan is still stuck there to this very day,” Chuck informed him.

               Sam smiled. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. And I’ll say ‘hi’ to Adam for you,” he said before entering the conference room.

               Jo shook her head. “He was a nice guy too,” she said in mock grief.

               Chuck jumped in surprise when Jo suddenly popped out behind him. “What’re you doing here?” he asked.

               “Tsk. I was gonna ask him how things went with Cas inside his office, but it looks like I’ll just have to wait for him to get out,” she said with a pout. Then she looked at her watch, “Oh! Lunch. I’ll come back and ambush him by lunch,” she said. “See ‘ya, Chuck!” she said as she walked away.

               “Being a paralegal is hard,” Chuck complained to no one as he slumped and made his way back to his office.



Part 2


Lawrence, Kansas, 1996


                It had to happen eventually. Honestly, Sam was expecting it to happen earlier. But when it did, he wasn’t sure how it was going to change things.

                Dean got a girlfriend. Tessa wasn’t his first, but it was his first real relationship since entering high school. And since Cas became his friend.

                Tessa was a very nice girl and Sam liked her a lot better than he liked Dean’s previous girlfriends.  But Dean having Tessa to keep him busy meant Cas spent less time hanging out at their home. Sure, Cas didn’t dislike her, but Sam could tell Cas wasn’t comfortable seeing Dean and Tessa together. Sam knew the feeling.


                Sam opened the door to find Cas standing outside with what looked like a bag of art materials. “Hey Sam,” he greeted.

                The expectant look on Cas’ face made it hard for Sam to form words. “Uh… Dean…Dean went out,” he managed to tell Cas, and watched as Cas tried to hide his disappointment with a smile. It only made Sam feel worse.

                “Oh. I see,” he just said. He didn’t have to ask where Dean went or why he ditched him. It was clear he already knew. “And to think he was the one who told me we should work on our English presentation together,” he said.

                “You know how Dean is. He forgets things that have to do with school as soon as he gets out of class,” Sam told him, trying to make Cas feel better.

                “Yeah. I should head home then…” Cas said, turning and starting to walk away. Cas had never stayed at the Winchesters’ without Dean before. He was always with Dean, and Dean had never ditched Castiel for a girl before. He did ditch him once before in favor of some new pie, but that was a long time ago.  

               “Wait!” Sam called out. Cas had no reason to stay there if Dean wasn’t around, but knowing this still didn’t stop Sam from trying.

               Cas turned back around to look at Sam

               “Since you’re here already, you can just do it here. I’ll help you,” Sam offered.

               Sam could tell Cas was about to protest, so Sam beat him to the punch and changed tactics, “Dad won’t be back until tomorrow, and Dean’s out… I don’t wanna eat dinner alone. So stay? Please?” he asked.

               The moment the hesitation left Cas’ face, Sam felt a surge of triumph inflate in his chest even before Cas said, “Okay. But we’re ordering pizza.”

               Sam grinned from ear to ear. “Lemme guess, bacon cheeseburger?”

               “You bet,” Cas said with a smile of his own as he walked back to the house.

               They spent the next couple of hours doing Dean and Cas’ presentation and spent most of the night eating pizza and watching Star Trek: The Original Series. When Dean came back at midnight, Cas and Sam were squished together on the couch, fast asleep. They didn’t leave him any pizza.

               After that, Cas came to visit regularly even when Dean was out and, for the next few weeks, Cas spent more time with Sam at home than with Dean. Sometimes they just watched TV, sometimes Cas helped him with homework, sometimes they’d kick a soccer ball around for fun, and other times they would go out for burgers and watch movies that Cas was supposed to watch with Dean. It may have seemed like Sam was just a stand-in for Dean, doing things with Cas that Dean normally did with him. But Sam never thought of it that way at all. He was just happy he got to spend more time with Cas.

               However, the breakup had to happen eventually. Tessa was nice, but Dean was Dean… and he had a habit of running away from relationships before they got really serious. And when they did break up, Cas was once again always at Dean’s side. It made Sam feel a terrible, twisting jealousy in his gut whenever Cas and Dean were hanging out. Things were going back to normal, and for the first few post-breakup days, it looked like he was once again back to the best friend’s little brother status. Until one day when Dean was stuck at soccer practice, Cas came over to their house.

               The look of surprise on Sam’s face must have been obvious, for Cas just said, “What? You think I’d want to waste the afternoon watching Dean do drills for being late to practice? No way.”

               Sam beamed.

               And since then, Cas had come to visit, even when Dean wasn’t around.





               During his lunch break on his first day, Sam thought he’d try talking to Cas, but as soon as he stepped out of Lucifer’s Cage, Jo was there waiting.

               “Is Cas still in his office?” he asked.

               “Nope,” Jo answered. “I went in like 30 minutes after you left, he was passed out on his desk drooling on the files. I had to send him home,” she informed him with a grin. “Now, I know this nifty little place where you can buy lunch. Come on, I’ll take you there,” she said, hooking her arm around Sam’s and providing no room for him to disagree.

               “Uh… okay,” Sam said reluctantly.

                Since then, Jo had been visiting Sam every day in his cubicle for a quick chat about what Cas was like in high school. Sam didn’t reveal much, but Jo always pried anyway. Besides, whenever Sam asked about what Cas was like the past few years, she didn’t reveal much either. Her excuse was always to “ask Cas instead”.

                So Sam was always on the edge, trying to find an opening so he could to talk to Cas. He wanted to know what the past few years were like for him. He wanted to know what had changed… what was college like for him…why he chose to be a lawyer…if he had somebody in his life. Or heck, if he still liked bacon cheeseburger pizzas.


               A week had passed since Sam joined Milton Adler, but he had only seen Cas a total of three times since his first day, and two of those, he was just watching him from afar. Though he answered directly to Cas, all his orders and assignments were sent to him through Jo. He’d think Cas was avoiding him, except Jo said Cas was like that with all the associates.

               He saw Cas in his office talking to a client one time, and another, he was walking to the elevator with Zachariah Adler, a portly man who was the managing partner of the firm.

               The only other time that he saw Cas up close, Cas was with Uriel, another senior partner, and Inias, a junior partner. Uriel looked intimidating, while Inias looked too nice for his own good. Cas, on the other hand, was a weird mixture of both, and as Inias checked up on the associates in the bullpen, Cas and Uriel stood to the side, while Uriel complained about how easy the ‘monkeys’ were having it these days.

               Sam pretended to read while he stole glances at Cas. He looked bored, and possibly slightly irritated with Uriel’s never-ending complaints. At one point, their eyes met and Sam quickly looked down. When he dared to look back up a second later, Cas’ eyes were still on him, and fearing it’d look worse if he averted his gaze again, Sam just gave him an awkward half-grin. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that slight twitch on Cas’ lips just before he left the room was actually a smile.


                His chance to finally talk to Cas again came on his eighth day working at the firm.

                It was 7 p.m. and Jo dropped by his cubicle on her way out. She was surprisingly dressed in a black tank top and soft, faded jeans. It actually suited her a lot more than her office attire, but Sam thought she might not appreciate his input on her fashion.

                “What’s the special occasion?” he asked.

                “Oh, I’m going to a concert,” she said with a huge grin on her face.

                “Ah. That explains the attire. And the glowing smile on your face means it’s a date, right?” Sam asked.

                “Tsk. You lawyers, always trying to read people,” she said just as very familiar sound rang through the air.

               “Is that… the Jaws theme song?” Sam asked, looking at the source of the sound: Jo’s purse.

                “What? Oh shoot. It’s Cas. What is it this time?” she said, scrambling to open her purse.

               Sam huffed out a laugh. “Your ringtone for Cas is the Jaws theme song?”

               She pulled out her phone. “What? He only calls me when there’s been a bloodbath,” she told Sam before answering the call. “Yeah? I’m still here… okay, wait. Yes. I can get it for you. I’ll be right back,” she told Cas before she hung up. “What did I say? Bloodbath,” she said, rolling her eyes.

               Sam shot her a sympathetic look.

               “I need to fix this first…” she said as she started walking back down the hallway. Then she stopped and turned. “If someone comes up here looking for me, tell him I’ll be right back, okay?”

               “Yeah, sure,” Sam agreed.

               Not five minutes after Jo disappeared, a young man wearing jeans and a black hoodie approached the associates’ cubicles. Sam instantly knew this was Jo’s date.

               “Can I help you?” he asked.

               The man approached Sam’s cubicle. “I’m supposed to meet Jo here?” he asked.

               “Right. She just had to do something for her boss. She said she’ll be right back.”

               “Oh. Okay. I’m Adam,” he said, reaching out to shake Sam’s hand.


               “You’re new here, aren’t you? I didn’t see you while I was interning just this summer,” he told him.

               Then it clicked. “Wait, Adam. Adam Milligan?” Sam said with a chuckle.

               “In the flesh.”

               “I thought you were just an urban legend.”

               Adam laughed. “That story about me getting stuck in Lucifer’s Cage is still going around?”

               “Yeah. They told me about it my first day here.”

               Adam shook his head. “Jo made that story up. It’s insane.”

               Just then, Sam’s phone rang, and he apologized to Adam before answering. “Jo?” he asked.

               “Is Adam there already?”

               “Yeah, he is,” he answered.

               “Tell him I’ll be right there. But first, I need you to come here. Right away,” she said.

               “Here?” Sam asked, his heart rate picking up its pace at the thought of going back into Cas’ office.

               “Yeah, here. Cas’ office. Now, please?”



               “Oh great, you’re here,” Jo said in relief. “I’ll leave everything in your capable hands,” she said, handing Sam a thick envelope.

               “What’s this?” Sam asked.

               “Cas will explain everything. I’ve gotta run. The concert’s in an hour. We leave any later than now and we won’t make it,” she said, before rushing away.

               Sam looked down on the envelope and back at the office. Usually Cas had the glass frosted while talking to clients, and he kept it clear for everything else. This time, the glass remained frosted, hiding Cas and the office from view and Sam swallowed down his anxiety as he walked to the door.

               This was only the second time that he stepped into Cas’ office, and his eyes immediately land on Cas, sitting on the couch and surrounded by papers, the city lights glowing behind him in the night sky. Damn if the view wasn’t mesmerizing.

               Cas looked up momentarily before returning his focus on the papers. “Are you working on something?” he asked Sam.

               “I was finishing up the Gamble Communications deal…”

               “That’s not urgent. Drop that for now and give me a hand with this,” Cas ordered.

               “Okay…” Sam said. Sam tried to hide the swell of pride that he felt when Cas asked for his help. Or well, ordered him to help. Because Cas could’ve picked any other associate to help him, maybe someone who had been at the firm longer, but he chose Sam. He tried not to put too much thought into it. “So, what do you want me to do?”

               Cas pointed at a folder lying on the table and Sam picked it up. “Carver’s Place?” he asked.  “The restaurant chain? I didn’t know they were our client.”

               “Apparently, Carver Edlund had ‘an epiphany’ this afternoon and is suddenly hell bent on merging his company with Green Room as soon as possible. We have to see if he just decided to bury his business or not.”

               “Green Room? What’s that?”


               “Alright. What do you need?” Sam asked.

               “Take a seat and I’ll tell you everything,” Cas said.

               Sam knew he was talking about the case, and that they would probably talk about nothing but the case for the rest of the night. Still, it didn’t stop him from feeling excitement at the chance of finally getting to know Castiel again.


               Sam prided himself in his ability to work well under pressure. He could maintain a calm professionalism and focus on the case entirely for days at a time if needed. And yet, here he was, two hours into reviewing the files in Cas’ office, and he spent every ten minutes or so stealing glances at Castiel.

               It was interesting how a decade could change a person so much. Cas was leaning a hip on his desk as he talked to someone on the phone, and Sam couldn’t help but notice how different he sounded now. Even back then, Cas was very smart. He was oftentimes blunt, and he liked to state the obvious a lot. He used to spout all sorts of obscure trivia and statistics at least once every hour, as if his brain was overstuffed with information that he needed to let it out on a regular basis to stop his head from exploding. And yet, despite his knowledge, he never talked to anyone with confidence. He was never good with people. Even if he knew he was right, he could never convince anyone to take his side. 

               But now, here he was, explaining to some client how dragging the case to court will only hurt his company more, and Cas was talking with authority, with a kind of confidence born out of years of training and experience persuading clients, judges, or jurors. The Cas from before could never talk like that. Never.

               When Castiel finished his call, he came back to his seat on the sofa and continued to read through the files with Sam. It was then that Sam’s stolen glances went from every ten minutes to five.

               He’d argue it wasn’t entirely his fault. Cas was in a charcoal gray suit sans the jacket, which was draped over one of the armchairs, and it was very distracting how Cas’ waistcoat hugged his torso perfectly. He rolled his shirt sleeves, too, and every time Cas’ bare forearms came to view, Sam would wish he could touch his skin, maybe trace that vein that ran from the back of his hand and up his forearm.

               And then he realized he sounded like one of those men from the 1800s who get hot over the sight of a woman’s ankles. Only he was getting hot at the sight of Cas’ arms.

               He shook his head and forced himself to focus on the case for the nth time that night.

               It was also then that Sam’s stomach made itself heard in the room.

               Cas looked across the table at Sam, and Sam shot him a sheepish look. “You’re hungry,” Cas stated.

               Sam chuckled. Cas being blunt and stating the obvious. At least some things never change. “It’s fine, I’ve skipped a few dinners here and there before,” Sam assured him.

               Cas leaned back onto the sofa and crossed his legs in front of him, the hem on his pants riding up to reveal his socks: thin, plain black, the shape of his ankles beneath the fabric oddly mesmerizing.

               Sam wanted to laugh. Ankles and arms. He realized he may have a thing for them.


               His name on Cas’ lips yanked him from his musings about other odd things he may have a thing for. “Huh? Did you say something?”

               Cas blinked and stared owlishly at him.

               Eyes. Big, blue eyes. Definitely a thing.

               “I said why don’t you call for a pizza? We could go down… but it might take too much time to eat out,” Cas told Sam.

               Oh. Talking dirty. Also a thing.

               “Uh… sure,” Sam said, reaching for his phone and ducking his head to hide the blush that he knew was already there on his face. He was feeling like a hormonal teenager again. Just like old times. “Bacon cheeseburger?” he asked without thinking. His mouth snapped shut right after though, realizing he may have assumed too much. “Sorry,” he apologized.

               “No, no,” Cas said, shaking his head. “That’s fine. You got it right.”

               Sam beamed. “Great,” he said before dialing and pressing the phone to his ear.

               Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cas’ lips twitch to form a barely-there smile.



Part 3


Lawrence, Kansas. 1996.


               It was all Dean’s fault.

               First, their dad told him to replace the batteries to the TV remote, and he said he’d do it but he ended up forgetting all about it. That was a minor mistake on his part. No harm done. Except, he also left a certain questionable video tape lying around.

               Cas came by to watch a few rented movies with Sam, and while Cas grabbed the chips from the pantry, Sam popped a tape inside the player. Cheesy music started playing from the TV and the title ‘Casa Erotica’ flashed on the screen. Now, Sam wasn’t stupid. He knew what ‘erotica’ meant, thank you very much. What he didn’t know was why Cas would pick a video like that for them to watch.

               A few seconds later, Cas appeared with a big bag of chips and some sour cream dip and asked if he’d missed anything.

                “Just the credits,” Sam said, and on the screen little Billy’s very voluptuous babysitter put him to bed.

                Beside him, Cas frowned as he opened the chips and started munching on it. “Did you put the right tape in?” he asked, just as the babysitter in the screen opened the door for the pizza man.

                “I’m sure,” Sam said, reaching his hand out to the bag of chips on Cas’ lap. Cas offered him the dip and just when Sam was about to dunk his chips in the bowl, both boys froze, eyes glued to the TV as the babysitter onscreen went down on her knees and started unzipping the pizza man’s pants.

                Fat drops of sour cream fell on the couch between them, and Cas was the first to find his words through the moaning sounds that filled the room. “…I don’t think this is Jumanji,” he said as if in shock.

                The pizza man had the babysitter’s ass up in the air and with the first slap of his hand on her rear, Sam snapped out of his stunned state. He jumped from his seat and scrambled for the remote and started stabbing at buttons with his fingers to try and make the video stop. Each slap was like a bolt of lightning straight through Sam’s body and with one final ditch effort, Sam stepped on the table and lunged at the video player and pressed eject.

                The slapping and moaning sounds stopped and the picture went blank as the player dutifully ejected the videotape. He looked back at Cas still sitting stunned on the couch, eyes wide and mouth agape. “It wasn’t me. I swear!” he gasped, raising both his hands in a gesture of surrender.

                Cas turned to look at Sam, blinked and closed his mouth. “Uh…” he said, the sound of his voice a little rough. He licked his lips, and Sam found his eyes glued to the movement. “…I—I should go,” he finally said.

                Sam was baffled.  Was Cas angry that they watched that? But it was an accident. He opened his mouth, about to accuse Dean of leaving the tape there when his eyes fell on Cas’ lap… and the undeniable bulge of an erection there.

                Sam knew he shouldn’t be staring (especially since he’s suffering from the same problem at that very moment) but he just couldn’t believe Cas reacted to that. He thought—

                “Oh jeez, Sam!” Cas said in embarrassment, reaching for the throw pillow and covering his lap with it. “Stop staring, okay?”

                “I’m not,” Sam said, quickly looking away, and placing both his arms on his lap as he sat on the floor by the TV.

                They stayed like that for what seemed like eternity, each not quite willing to move from where they sat. Sam tried to steal a glance at Cas every now and then, feeling too awkward to look at Cas again but too intrigued by the blush that stained the other boy’s cheeks to actually avert his eyes completely. Cas shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and Sam suddenly remembered one important thing Dean told him about ‘surprise boners’. You either think of gross or scary things to make it go away, or you deal with it alone.

                “You wanna use the bathroom?” Sam blurted out, and blushed furiously when he realized just what he said.

                Cas looked at him, cheeks blushing a furious red. “Yes, please?” he said, and when Sam nodded, he stood up quickly and ran to the bathroom.

                As soon as Cas stood up, Sam ran to his room and locked himself in there. He tried not to think about what Cas was doing in that bathroom, and instead decided to imagine all the horrors he could think of. “Bobby in a tutu,” he whispered, shutting his eyes tight. “Clowns dancing the Macarena,” he said next. “Spiders under my pillow,” he continued, but nothing helped. His cock was still hard between his legs, the thought of what Cas was doing just a few doors down the hallway trumped even the most disgusting or horrifying image he could think of.

                With a groan of complaint, Sam surrendered, hands diving in his pants to ‘deal with it.’ It helped that Sam always had a vivid imagination. He could write whole stories inside his head, imagine whole worlds existing outside his own, and right now, he saw Cas, in that bathroom, seated on the closed toilet lid, biting his lip to stop himself from making any noise as he stroked his erection with his long, elegant fingers.

                Sam came with lightning speed, long before his imaginary Cas reached his own orgasm.

                It was probably almost an hour before Sam came down to the living room. Cas was seated there, munching on chips and watching TV like nothing happened. Sam slowly sat back down on the sofa and watched TV without saying anything.

                “Let’s just pretend none of that happened,” Cas said, not looking away from the TV for a second.

                “What happened?” Sam asked, feigning innocence as he took a handful of chips and started munching on them.

                Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Cas smile as he said, “Nothing.”


                Later that night, when Cas had gone back home and it was Sam’s turn to wash the dishes, Sam heard Dean complain from the living room. “Dude, what’s this white stain on the sofa?! I sat on it. Gross.”

                Sam nearly dropped the plate he was about to put in the dishwasher in shock. ‘No way,’ he thought as he ran to the living room to see what Dean was talking about.

                “Hey, not cool, Sam,” Dean said, pointing to the suspicious stain on the sofa.

                It took Sam two horrifying seconds before he realized what it was. “Sour cream!” he gasped, before huffing out a sigh of relief. “It’s sour cream, okay?”

                “Good. You’re safe coz it’s harmless,” Dean said. “Clean it before dad gets home.”

                “Yeah, yeah. I’ll clean it after I do the dishes,” Sam agreed, turning around to walk back to the kitchen.

                “For a minute there, I thought someone jacked off on the sofa or something,” he heard Dean mumble, and the scalding rush of mortification made Sam’s face red and he made a quick escape into the kitchen to hide from Dean.





               Sam and Cas worked on the Carver’s Place merger for another day, and by the third night of getting home at 2 in the morning, Sam was beat. It wasn’t like his law school days when he went for almost a week without sleep, but the stress of working in a real firm must have been taking a toll on Sam’s energy. That, and having to be in close proximity to Cas all day.

               By the fourth day, Sam was feeling confident that today was the day they ironed out the deal and made their client happy. The moment he entered the building that morning, however, he was ambushed.

               “Where are we going?” Sam asked as he kept in step with Cas on their way out of the building. He barely made two steps into the lobby when Cas had appeared out of nowhere and said, “Follow me,” before walking out the door just as quickly.

               “You are coming with me to meet with Carver Edlund,” Cas revealed as he walked towards a waiting car, a chubby and cheerful chauffeur holding the door open for him.

               “Really,” Sam’s face brightened. “I get to meet the client with you?”

               “Good morning, Mr. Novak,” the chauffeur greeted.

               “Good morning, Cupid. Cupid, my new associate, Sam. Sam, Cupid,” he said just before entering the car.

               Sam smiled at Cupid. “Nice to meet you,” he greeted before following Cas inside the car. Sam underestimated the size of the backseat, sliding too close to Cas inside. The heat of Cas’ thigh pressing against his was like a jolt of electricity. It was just a thigh. Clothed. Just Cas’ thigh, and yet the heat of it seared through the fabric of Sam’s pants and straight to his skin, and Sam jerked his leg away and scooted nearer the window. Cas didn’t seem to notice, or didn’t seem to care.

               “You have to meet clients soon enough,” Cas said, answering Sam’s earlier question. “Besides, you did good work on this merger, you deserve to see it through until the end.”

               “You think I did good work?” Sam asked in disbelief.

                “Yes, Sam. Why is it so hard to believe?” Cas asked in confusion.

                Sam shook his head. “Nothing, nothing. Just, the other associates have been telling me how hard it was to please you,” Sam said.

                “They say that?” Cas asked, face going very serious.

                “Uh… I mean,” Sam stuttered, looking for the right words to say so he doesn’t dig a deeper grave for himself—or for anyone. “Uh… when they say that, they mean it in a nice way…” he tried. Cas’ expression remained the same. “Please don’t fire anyone?”

                “I’m not firing anyone,” Cas said, and he actually rolled his eyes at Sam. “And it is true, I suppose. I expect the best, and if you can’t give me the best, then I won’t bother with you.”

                A thought crossed Sam’s mind. “You’re bothering with me… so does that mean I’m the best?” Sam asked.

                Cas scoffed. “Don’t push your luck,” Cas told him. “But yes, your performance has been satisfactory so far.”

                 “And here I thought you only picked me because of my irresistible charms,” Sam joked.

                “You were cuter when you were eleven,” Cas told him.

                Sam blinked in surprise, eyes glued to Cas’ face as he processed what he just said. That was the first time Cas ever mentioned anything about their past. Even the night before, when he had talked to Sam, it was always about the case. Sam didn’t want to be the first one to bring anything up about it, afraid it might make things a lot more awkward that in already was. But Sam could tell Cas was slowly starting to warm up to him again. It was a good feeling.

                “And you were nicer when you were 15,” Sam countered.

                Cas chuckled. “I can’t argue with that. Lawyers aren’t supposed to be nice.”

                The smile on Sam’s face faded for a bit as he gathered enough courage to ask something that had been bothering him. “Why did you become a lawyer?”

                Cas turned to look at him like he was caught by surprise with Sam’s question. “Why… that’s, that’s, um, a little bit personal,” Cas answered.

                “Sorry, didn’t mean to pry,” Sam apologized immediately. “I just remembered you wanted to be a writer, that’s all.”

                “I did become a writer,” Cas said. “I’ve got a couple of books published,” he added, casually brushing off invisible dirt from the lapels of his coat, as if to make the statement less of a big deal.

                “You’re kidding,” Sam accused.

                “No. I’m not.”

                “Alright then. What’s the title?”

                “Find it out on your own,” Cas answered. “If you can’t even do that, I will start to question your skills as an associate,” Cas told him, fixing his challenging gaze at Sam.

                That look on Cas’ face reminded him of all the times Cas helped him with his homework back then. He often challenged Sam this very same way, and it gave him a warm feeling. It almost felt like they were getting back to the way things were before. “Alright, you’re on.” Sam said, a wide grin taking over his face.  “This’ll be easy,” he said, getting distracted by the honking of a neon yellow sports car outside. When he looked back at Cas, the man was still staring at him, and he felt his face starting to grow hot at the close scrutiny. “What?” he asked.

                Cas blinked and looked away. “Nothing,” he said. “I should’ve told you about this meeting beforehand. You could’ve had the chance to pick a better suit,” he said thoughtfully, and though Sam had a feeling that was not the reason he was staring at him, he decided to let it go.

                “Hey, what’s wrong with my suit?” he said, acting offended. “It fits good.”

                “It could fit better,” Cas argued. “Ask Jo for my tailor’s number. Get some new suits.”

                “Well, I’m not getting one with a vest. Those things are like corsets for men. How do you even breathe in that?” He commented, making a gesture towards Cas’ own suit.

                Cas frowned and looked down on his three-piece suit and then back up at Sam. “A corset?” Cas asked, and in that moment, a vision of Cas in a lacy blue corset crossed Sam’s mind. Not good.

                “How would you know what a corset feels like? You’ve worn them before?” he heard Cas ask him.

                “No!” Sam said, quickly averting his gaze from Cas. “Forget I said anything. I’ll go visit your tailor,” Sam conceded.

                The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, though Cas kept looking at his waistcoat while Sam still had thoughts of blue satin and lace in his mind.


               Their first meeting with the client went smoothly and Sam returned to working on cases for the other partners for the next couple of days. The thing about returning to his usual work at his desk was that Sam found himself thinking more and more about Cas. He spent most of the past few days working closely with Cas, and now he was back to seeing him only once or twice a day. He began thinking about how much more comfortable Cas’ chairs were, or how the view of the city was a much better working atmosphere than the dull walls surrounding the associates’ bullpen.

                He also began thinking of Cas and how he had a habit of leaning a hip on his table, or sitting on it completely whenever he was on the phone with someone. His table looked sturdy, and Sam especially liked the way Cas looked on it.

                Sam liked the idea of Cas lying down on it much better. In fact, he often had many ideas about Cas and that desk.

                Cas, on his back naked save for his socks, legs wrapped around Sam’s hips as Sam pushed into him, his scream of pleasure echoing in the office and the halls outside for everyone to hear.

                Or maybe, bent over his desk instead, mostly clothed, with his pants and underwear pushed down to his thighs as Sam entered him from behind, hand on his own mouth to stop himself from making any noise.

                Or maybe both of them on the desk, naked, while Cas bounced on top of him, back arching with a loud moan as Sam’s hands reached and traced his fingertips over the part where they were connected.

                And those ideas were just about the desk.

               He had a particular idea involving Cas pinned to one of those floor-to-ceiling windows as well.

               Sam cleared his throat and returned his thoughts to the file he was reading, very much aware of the tightness now present in his slacks.

               He was harboring fantasies about his boss. And his boss just happened to be Castiel.

               He shook his head and he tried to will his erection away. When, after five minutes, the great office boner still didn’t leave, he rushed to the comfort room and locked himself in a stall to silently jack off. While in that stall, he managed to have another bright idea about the desk (he sat on Cas’ chair while Cas was on his knees hidden under the table sucking him off. At some point, someone walked in, asked where Castiel was and Sam feigned innocence, all while Cas continued swallowing him down). He used that image to finally get himself off.

               He returned to his desk a few minutes later, sated and much more relaxed than before. Until he saw Cas walking down the hallway and his cheeks burned in shame (or maybe residual arousal, he couldn’t tell). He buried his face in his hands. “I am so dead,” he said. He wiped his face with his palm and picked up the file he was reading. “Been dead since I hit puberty,” he mumbled to himself.


               Carver Edlund turned out to be an impulsive and unpredictable man, and just when Sam thought the deal was as good as sealed,  he found himself dragged by Cas to another meeting with him at 6 in the evening the very next day to discuss the particulars of the deal.

                After their second meeting with the client, the merger was ironed out almost completely (as completely as they’d get without actual signatures on the paper), and Carver decided to treat them to dinner at his number one restaurant. He drank wine with them for a few minutes and left soon after.

                Sam silently wished Carver didn’t leave them. He suddenly felt nervous because he was now sitting alone with Cas, in a fancy restaurant, flanked by tables occupied by couples having romantic dinners on each side. The atmosphere was quite intimate, and Sam tried (and failed) to look anywhere but at Cas. The other man was busy fidgeting with something on his phone, so Sam took the opportunity to watch him carefully. And damn it all if Cas didn’t look dangerously attractive in the soft light of the restaurant.

                It might be none of his business, but Sam wondered if Cas had someone in his life. He watched Cas’ fingers as he held the phone, and noted the lack of a ring. So Cas wasn’t married. But did he have a girlfriend? Or maybe a boyfriend? Did they go to dinners at places like this all the time? Or did they prefer snuggling on the couch and having movie nights with burger take-outs for dinner. But the thought that nagged Sam’s mind the most was what Cas would want in a partner now. He had changed; maybe his romantic tastes had changed as well. Sam didn’t have a chance before. Would he have one now?

                It took Sam a couple of seconds to realize that he had been caught staring at Cas again, and he quickly averted his eyes and apologized.

                “What was on your mind?” Cas asked him.

                “Nothing,” he lied.

                “You seemed… lost,” Cas observed.

               Sam chuckled. That was one way to put it. “It’s just…I’ve never eaten at a place like this before,” he said, which wasn’t a complete lie. The place was far too expensive and fancy for Sam’s taste, which only made him feel more uncomfortable. Besides, it wasn’t like he could just suddenly up and ask, ‘Are you seeing anyone now? No? How about trying something with me?’

                “I’m more of a fast food guy myself,” Cas said next, though it was unclear whether or not he bought Sam’s lie.  Nevertheless, Sam was glad Cas decided to drop it.  “But you get used to eating at places like this soon enough. It comes with the territory,” Cas told him.

               “Well, alright. I suppose eating at five star restaurants every now and then isn’t so bad,” Sam said with an exaggerated eye roll. This line of conversation was something he can work with.

               Cas smiled at that. “It gets worse. If you’re with a client, the firm will take care of it.”

               “That’s terrible!” Sam said in mock distress. “I hope I don’t get too used to the free food or I might not get to keep my figure,” Sam joked.

               “Oddly enough, that was something Inias said when we were both associates,” Cas remarked.

               “Oh? So what happened? He got to keep his figure?” Sam asked.

               “He lost thirty pounds,” Cas said. “The stress burns fat right off of your body.”

               Sam laughed, feeling miles better already.

               Their food came soon after and as soon as Sam saw his plate, his mouth started to water. He had to admit, there was some charm in eating a $160 steak dinner for free.  

                “Dean would love to eat at a place like this,” Sam commented without thinking, his focus entirely on the task of cutting through the tender meat with a knife.

                “How is Dean nowadays?” he heard Cas ask.

                Sam’s hands froze and he looked across the table at Cas. Cas cut up a piece of his own steak and looked back up at Sam as he put the fork to his mouth and ate. His expression, as he waited for Sam to speak, was the same as always: unreadable. “He’s… he’s good,” Sam said lamely. He figured Cas would ask about Dean eventually, but he was still caught unprepared when it happened. “He left his boring desk job and moved to LA about three years ago to work for this big-time car enthusiast. Now he’s restoring classic cars for the folks up at Beverly Hills.”

                Cas’ eyes grew bright with interest. “He is?” he said, and he sounded genuinely happy. “Dean always wanted to work with cars for a living. I’m glad to see he got what he wanted.”

                “Yeah,” Sam agreed, trying to keep his tone light. He brought a piece of steak to his mouth and chewed on it with more force than necessary. A surge of jealousy rose in his chest despite his mind telling him he had nothing to be jealous of. Not anymore. Cas was just asking about an old friend. Cas wasn’t still thinking about Dean, right? That was years ago. He probably moved on.

                Then again, it had also been years for Sam, eleven to be exact, and he thought he was over his little crush (it was never just a crush for him, that he knew, but he still liked to pretend it was), yet the moment he saw Cas again, it all came crashing back. If it happened to him…it could happen to Cas, too.

                The thought did not sit well with him. Which is why he ended up saying the next sentence without a second thought.

                “He’s actually getting married next year,” Sam said, his eyes carefully watching Cas’ face for his reaction. “To Lisa, his college sweetheart,” he added.

                “That’s great,” Cas said, a smile still on his face, albeit not as bright or as genuine as before, though whether this was Sam’s imagination or not, he couldn’t tell. “Is that the same Lisa who had a child a few years ago… Ben, if I remember correctly.”

                “You know Lisa?” Sam asked incredulously.

                Cas smiled, a small smile that changed his expression from unreadable to sad… and possibly nostalgic. “Dean and I used to talk from time to time.”

                Sam gaped. “You still talk to Dean?” he asked. And this time, his jealously was accompanied by anger, and the feeling of betrayal at Dean’s decision to hide that he still kept contact with Cas all these years. He thought Dean didn’t know where Cas went to after college. It turned out he knew all along.

                “Not any more, unfortunately. We used to talk maybe once every six months. I lost contact a few years ago, possibly around the time he went to LA. Lisa and her baby featured in our last few conversations,” he said.

                By this time, Sam didn’t bother to hide the sudden downturn of his mood. “I didn’t even know you two kept in contact,” he mumbled before taking another bite. He needed something to take his frustrations out on: the poor steak was easy prey.

                Cas’ smile may have turned a shade more melancholy at Sam’s words, but Sam didn’t notice. “Like I said, we already lost contact,” Cas said. “I would appreciate it if you can share your brother’s current contact information with me so we can catch up,” Cas told him.

                It was like being rejected a second time. Well, the first time hurt much worse. This was just like a wound that didn’t properly heal and now the scabs had been forcefully peeled away and the reopened wound was cruelly sprinkled with—


                Sam looked up from his food to Cas’ curious stare. “Oh, right,” Sam said, forcing a smile on his face. “Sorry, I was distracted with the steak. Knowing it costs $160 somehow makes it taste better,” he remarked.

                Cas chuckled at that.

                “I’ll send you Dean’s number later,” Sam told him. He had no intention of sabotaging Cas and Dean’s friendship, though he would be lying if he said he didn’t think about ‘accidentally’ forgetting to send Dean’s number to Cas.

                “I think, after all we’ve been through, I deserve an invite to that wedding, right?” Cas joked.

                Sam smiled through chewing another piece of steak. ‘At least Cas is trying to sound supportive of Dean,’ Sam thought. That still didn’t mean Cas was over Dean for good now. They kept in contact with each other. They were still friends despite not being able to talk for several years. It wasn’t like him and Cas… where the last time they ever talked was more than a decade ago. And by that time, they weren’t even friends anymore. The last time they talked as friends was far longer than that. Thirteen years, if anyone was counting. And Sam was. He had been counting the days since he screwed everything up.


                “Dude, what the fuck?” Dean said on the phone later that night.

                Sam sighed. “Hello to you too, Dean.”

                He knew why Dean was calling, and he didn’t really want to talk about it with him now. It had been a really long day and he was a hair’s breadth away from passing out on his sofa as he read files for another case Cas asked him to look into. Plus, he was starting to get hungry from all his late-night reading.

                “When were you going to tell me Cas is your boss, huh?” Dean asked.

                “I’ve only had this job two weeks, Dean… I was gonna tell you eventually…” Sam said distractedly as he fished out his wallet from his pants to look for the number to that 24-hour Chinese place down the block.

                “Yeah man, but we talked just the other day. What gives?”

                “I didn’t think it was that important, Dean. I had a lot of things on my mind,” Sam explained.

                “And you didn’t think it was important that you met Cas again?”

               He made a noncommittal sound as he opened his wallet and for a brief second, the glint of the silver moose pendant he kept tucked in there blinded him. He smoothed his thumb over it fondly and felt a pang of guilt. He thought he had a perfectly reasonable excuse why he never mentioned Cas to Dean, but now that Dean was calling him out on it, it sounded worse than he thought. It was almost like he was hiding it from Dean, like he didn’t want Dean to find out about Cas and reconnect with him. And unconsciously, maybe that was exactly what he was doing. He felt like a terrible person. “But you got to talk to him, right?” Sam asked. “I assume that’s why you’re calling,” he said, pulling out a small piece of paper where he scribbled the number of the restaurant and tossing his wallet it to the side on the sofa.

                “Well, yeah. I had to find out from him that you’re working together.”

                “Yeah. And I found out from him you kept in contact until you moved to LA. You never told me about that,” Sam countered.

                “You never asked, so I didn’t tell you. I thought you knew anyway, since everybody says you’re the brains of the family,” Dean said, and Sam could almost see him rolling his eyes. “Anyway it’s really lucky I got to talk to him again coz I’m making him one of the groomsmen at my wedding.”

                “That’s great,” Sam said, imagining what it might feel like for Cas to stand in the wedding of someone you once loved—or still loved—very much. All Sam knew was if it were him, he’d rather be a thousand miles away than see Cas like that: getting married, starting a family, and being happy… with somebody else other than him. “You still haven’t demoted me from best man to ring bearer, right?” Sam joked, trying to bury the sad thoughts in his mind.

                “Dude, no. That’d break Ben’s heart if you take his place. You can be the bouncer… stand guard and watch the gate at the reception,” Dean said with a laugh.

                “Right,” Sam said in his most tolerant voice. “Listen, I’ll call you later, I’m gonna call for a delivery. I’m in the mood for some orange chicken…” Sam told Dean.

                “Seriously? At like, what time is it there? Midnight? You’re already as big as a moose, Sam, you don’t wanna be a freakishly big moose, too.”

                “Hey, don’t judge me. Remember, you woke up at 3 am that one time because you said you wanted pie,” Sam retorted.

                “I had a pie dream, okay? You can’t ignore pie dreams.”

                “I’m dreaming of orange chicken right now. I’ll call you later.”

                “Fine. Say ‘hi’ to Cas for me when you see him again, okay? Tell him not to forget the wedding!” Dean instructed.

                “Sure, talk to you later,” Sam said before hanging up. He glanced at his wallet which had landed open on the sofa beside him, the silver moose he kept there for years shining in the light from his reading lamp.

                Dean was getting married. Cas was suddenly back in their lives. He didn’t know whether this was luck, like Dean said, or some cruel twist of fate. Hopelessly pining after someone who was pining after your brother. “Story of my life,” Sam said with a sigh before dialing the number for his midnight snack order.



Part 4


Lawrence, Kansas 1997


                Mother’s Day was celebrated in the Winchester household by a visit to Mary Winchester’s grave followed by a special dinner prepared by John, Dean, and Sam. John cooked Mary’s favorite chicken fried steak, while Dean and Sam prepared anything they could. As kids, it was usually something instant: cream of mushroom soup from a can, microwavable mac and cheese, sometimes even store-bought slices of pie that the kids just decorated with M&Ms or Oreos.

                As they grew up, Sam learned to cook tomato rice soup (another of their mom’s favorites), and Dean continued to buy pies and decorate them with candies. It didn’t matter that Sam was too young to remember their mother, or that Dean had to look at old photo albums just to be reminded of Mary’s face. Every Mother’s Day was celebrated happily.

                Cas never once celebrated Mother’s Day. He grew up without his mother, and though he was tight-lipped about things that involved his mom, Sam and Dean could tell she wasn’t dead. She just wasn’t there.

                So on Mother’s Day of 1995, a week after Sam’s 12th birthday, the brothers decided to invite Cas to spend Mother’s Day with them. Cas went with them to Mary’s grave and said a short prayer, and when he arrived at their place for dinner that night, he brought with him a container of Mac and Cheese (not the instant kind) that he cooked himself.

                For the next couple of years, Cas celebrated Mother’s Day with the brothers as if he were one of Mary’s own children. They never asked about Castiel’s own mom, and Cas never mentioned her.

                Mother’s Day of 1997 went off without a hitch, but what happened a few months after that was something Sam would never forget.


               Sam was more excited than nervous to enter high school.  Cas told him several times that just in case he didn’t have a place to sit come lunch time, he could sit with them. He was kind of short for his age, and Cas was afraid he might get bullied, but Dean just laughed at Cas’ worries since he was positive Sam could take care of any bully. And if Sam couldn’t take care of them himself, Dean would just step in and ‘rip their lungs out.’

               But Sam didn’t have any problems making friends on his first day, and though there were the occasional bullies here and there, he wasn’t bothered by them much. He made a lot of new friends during the first few weeks of high school. He spent lunch breaks with them and every afternoon he waited for Dean and Cas so they could catch the bus together. When Sam made it onto the soccer team with Dean, it was Cas who waited for them to finish practice. After Cas’ regular Journalism Club meetings, he’d sit by the bleachers and do some homework while they practiced.

               One afternoon, though, Cas didn’t show up to watch them during practice. Dean was going out on a date with Amanda Heckerling, a pretty blonde girl in his History class, so he went on ahead. Sam took the bus alone. He didn’t think too much about Cas not being there. And with Amanda’s sticky sweet glances directed his way, Dean didn’t even seem to notice Cas was gone.


                Sam had just gotten out of the shower and changed into sweats when the doorbell rang. Hair still dripping wet, he rushed downstairs to open it and found Cas on the other side.

                “Hey, where were you—“ Sam was about to ask, but he stopped when he saw Cas’ face. He was smiling, but his eyes looked puffy and his voice waivered when he said ‘Hi.’

                Sam pulled him inside and had to almost drag him to sit on the sofa. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “You didn’t get a C on your paper, did you?” he asked.

                That actually got a chuckle out of Cas. “No,” Cas scoffed. Then when his eyes fell on Sam’s concerned face, something broke in him and he cried.

                In that moment, when Cas’ face crumpled, Sam felt his world dissolve, and the only thing left was this boy, older and taller, but still a boy, crying his heart out in front of him. He hugged Cas and let him sob on his shoulder for what seemed like an eternity. He tried asking what was wrong, but Cas couldn’t form words. When Cas lost his energy, he fell asleep on Sam, and Sam stayed there until he woke up half an hour later.

                Only when Cas asked why Sam’s eyes were red did Sam realize he had been crying as well.

                He tried to ask Cas what was wrong, and as if remembering why he was crying in the first place, Cas’ face fell. This time, though, he finally had the energy to speak. “My mom…” he stopped to take a deep breath, and from there, the words came tumbling out of his mouth. “She died. This morning. My dad was talking to my uncle on the phone. I have an uncle. I didn’t even know I have an uncle. An uncle, Sam! And he has a family. I have cousins,” he said, standing up from the sofa and pacing back and forth, like he had to move, to release the extra energy that was now suddenly coursing through his body, all the while tears continued to flow down his face. “Now I have a mom, too, or I had a mom. She’s gone now. I mean, I never got to see her but I always hoped, you know? I always wanted to see her. See what she’s like. What her life is like. I’ve always imagined I’d meet her someday. I have this whole speech planned out too. I’d ask her why she left dad and me. I’d ask her… I’d ask her why she wasn’t happy with us. Why we were never good enough for her.” He stopped pacing, but his hands were shaking, and choking on the words, he turned to Sam. “Why I wasn’t good enough for her.”

                Sam opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t find the words. What do you say to someone whose world was falling apart before you? “Hey, you know it’s not your fault, right? Cas, it’s not your fault,” Sam finally said.

                “Dad said she’d been sick for a year now. Cancer,”Cas continued, this time he started pacing again and biting his nails. “Sam,” Cas said with pleading eyes. “She knew she was dying. She knew. Yet she didn’t even bother to tell us. She didn’t even want to see me before she died.”

                Sam heard enough. He stood up and pulled Cas’ hand from his mouth to stop him from biting his nails. “That’s not true, Cas. Come on. You shouldn’t be thinking like that right now.”

                “Then how am I supposed to think, Sam?” Cas asked.

                “Like yourself,” Sam answered. He pulled Cas’ jacket up where it fell from one shoulder and zipped it. “Like Cas. Who thinks of other people before himself. And who always thinks the best of people, even when they don’t deserve it,” Sam said with a smile, before grabbing Cas’ hand again and pulling him.

                Cas blinked and wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his free hand. “I’m sorry,” Cas apologized. “I’ll stop now. I shouldn’t have stormed in here and cried on you like that.”

                When the front door clicked shut behind him was when Cas registered they were already outside the house and Sam was leading him somewhere. “Where are we going?” he asked in confusion.

                “Burgers,” Sam said. “We’re getting burgers.”

                “Sam…” Cas pleaded as the boy who was 4 years younger and half a foot shorter than him led him off the lawn and onto the street.

                “I don’t know how else to make you stop crying. So we’re gonna go and eat burgers because burgers make you happy,” Sam explained. “And we’re gonna eat them at the restaurant so you’d think twice about crying in public.”

                “Sam, you don’t have to do this. I’ll… I’ll be fine eventually,” Cas reasoned out.

                Sam looked back, even as he continued to drag Cas down the street. “Yeah, I know you’ll be fine. But until then, I’m keeping you company,” he said, looking in front of him again.  He swallowed and gripped Cas’ wrist tighter, but not tight enough to hurt. If Cas wanted, he could rip his hand away. He could tell Sam to shove it and he could leave. But he didn’t, and soon enough he stopped letting Sam drag him and started walking beside Sam.

                “You can let go of my hand now. I won’t run away,” he said, offering a weak smile at Sam’s concerned face.

                He let go of Cas’ wrist and apologized. Cas just shook his head, and for a few minutes they walked in silence until they reached the burger joint.

                It was only after they were seated on the bright red booth in the restaurant that Cas spoke again. Sam watched him unwrap his burger and take a large bite out of it. Then Cas sighed and looked at him from across the table. Eyes still red but dry of tears, and smiling despite the half-masticated food in his mouth, Cas said, “Thanks, Sam.”

                And that, right there, was the moment Sam would never forget. The moment he knew for certain that this wasn’t just hormones or infatuation or some teenage crush.

               It was love.

               He was in love with Cas.





                Sam was getting his cherry popped.

                At least that was what Jo affectionately called Sam’s first case: a pro bono wrongful termination suit, assigned to him by Castiel himself.

               Cara Roberts entered a relationship with the CEO of her company, Carl Monroe. Carl ended up divorcing his wife for Cara, but then ‘Dave happened,’ and by Dave, Cara meant the hot intern that worked in the Marketing department. When Carl found out, he fired her from the company. It was almost like a story tailor-made for soap operas, and was eerily similar to a plotline from Dr. Sexy MD. And no, he didn’t watch the show. Not willingly, at least. He was forced to endure marathons of it whenever Dean crashed at his old apartment. It hadn’t been easy for him.

                After they got Dave to testify on Cara’s behalf, the case was a piece of cake and Sam won a nifty little settlement for Cara, plus got her reinstated in the company. She was thankful, of course, and possibly too thankful, with the way she smiled sweetly at Sam and kept on touching him unnecessarily. “You don’t need to thank me. It was part of the job,” Sam said awkwardly when she hugged him outside the courthouse and refused to let go for one uncomfortable minute.

                “Still, Sam, I wouldn’t know what to do know if it weren’t for you. Thank you so much,” she said again, finally peeling herself away from Sam. “And, uh,” she began, sounding embarrassed all of a sudden. “Dave and I, we’re not together anymore. If you want some company…” she said, batting her long eyelashes at him, “you know my number.”

                Sam chuckled awkwardly. “I don’t sleep with clients, sorry.”

                “Well, I’m not your client anymore,” she argued. “Think about it,” she said with a wink, before she turned around and walked down the stairs with a little more sway in her hips.

                “Looks like your case went well,” Sam heard Cas say before he saw him.

                Cas walked down the hallway towards Sam, briefcase in hand, following Cara with his eyes.

                Sam looked at Cara then back at Cas and laughed nervously. “That was… yeah, that was…” Sam tried to explain, but Cas fixing his serious gaze on him was too unnerving. “…she was really thankful,” Sam finished lamely.

                “I saw that,” Cas said. A pause, and then, “You can’t sleep with—“

                “I know!” Sam blurted out. “You didn’t really think I’d…” Sam said. “I won’t, okay. I’m not that stupid.”

                Cas nodded, seemingly pleased with Sam’s reaction. “Good. Now let’s go. I have a class action to win.”

                Like a light bulb, Sam’s face brightened when he realized Cas wasn’t even supposed to be at court with him. “You were waiting for me to finish?” he asked.

                “No,” Cas answered, and Sam was disappointed he still couldn’t get past Cas’ poker face and tell whether he was lying or not.

                “What were you doing while I was in there, anyway?” Sam asked.

                “I had business to attend to. Less talking and more walking, Sam,” Cas said. Sam followed obediently.


                “I need to what?” Sam asked incredulously. Jo cornered him in the bullpen and delivered the surprising news.

                “Celebrate your first time,” Jo repeated happily. It seemed she just loved being the bearer of bad news.

                “By taking everyone out for drinks? Is that right?” Sam asked.

                “That’s right,” Alfie, one of the other associates, chimed in. He was the rookie before Sam came to the firm, and though he looked almost like a teenager lost in the office, he could recite the constitution while doing a handstand on a table (there was video proof; it went viral at the firm). “It’s a tradition. When I won my first case, I had to treat everyone for several rounds at this bar. Blew a chunk of my salary on that.”

                Sam cringed. “Eeesh. I had no idea… when do we have to do this?”

                “Tonight. It’s a Friday, and it’s a celebration so it’s always better to have it immediately,” Jo told him. “You could have your cherry popping party at the Roadhouse. My mom will give you a special discount,” Jo suggested. “You up for it?”

                “Do I have a choice?” Sam asked.

                “Great!” Jo beamed. “I’ll tell everyone,” she said, whipping out her phone to do just that. “You don’t mind if Adam comes, do you?” she asked.

                “Why not?” Sam agreed. “Wait... by everyone, does that include the partners?”

                “Yup,” Jo answered distractedly as she typed on her phone. “You could invite them but most of the older guys won’t go anyway.”

                “Will, uh… will Cas go?” Sam asked, looking at something on his computer screen to make it seem like he wasn’t too concerned about Jo’s answer.

                “Oh yeah, definitely,” Jo said. “It’s his precious Sam, of course he’d come,” she said with a wink.

                Sam smiled awkwardly at that. He didn’t know whether to be happy that Cas would be coming, or worried that Jo seemed to know more than she was letting on.

                “If he’s in a partying mood or not remains to be seen, though…” she said, biting her lip as she thought about how Cas’ class action was going.

                “He’ll win the case against Niveus Pharmaceuticals, you’ll see,” Sam said with confidence.

                Jo laughed. “That’s the spirit. He said something like that to me earlier today too. ‘Sam will win his case, you’ll see’,” she said in her usual gruff Cas-voice. She looked at her watch, “They should be done by now, though. You wanna go see if they are?” she asked Sam.

                “Yeah,” Sam said, rising from his seat quickly.

                “I thought you were confident he’ll win this? Why are you looking so worried now?” Jo teased as they made their way to the conference rooms.

                “I’m just afraid if we lose, people might go depressed-drinking. It would cost me a fortune tonight.”


                Jo’s timing was perfect.

                Just as they were approaching the conference room, the doors opened and old men in suits from Niveus Pharmaceuticals rushed out, followed by some of the plaintiffs sharing handshakes and cheerful pats on the back. It was obvious Cas won.

                Cas stepped out of the conference room and Sam walked up to him, eager to congratulate him on his win.


                “Sam Winchester,” a familiar voice interrupted him. “Didn’t think I’d see you here.”

                Sam stopped and watched as Brady, his old law school classmate (or arch-nemesis as Dean once put it) stepped out of the room, followed by a slimy looking old man that looked less like a lawyer and more like one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

                “How have you been, Brady?” Sam asked, trying to keep his tone as polite and neutral as he could.

                “I’ve been better,” Brady said. “You’re an associate here? I didn’t realize you’d already landed a job.” Which, in Brady speak meant more like ‘I didn’t think anyone would even hire you.’

                “Yes, he is one of my best associates,” Cas interjected.

                Brady smiled. “I’m sure he is. Sam here is pretty skilled,” he said, which actually meant ‘he’s good at bending over for people.’ It made Sam’s skin crawl.

                “You never know, Brady,” the older man spoke. “It could be purely based on connections that he got his job. Lots of cases like that these days, undeserving people getting jobs because they’re related to someone high up,” he said.

                Sam thought the man was insinuating that he only got his job because of Cas. But then again, he couldn’t have known they knew each other before Sam got the job. Plus, his sneer was pointed at Cas, and Sam was surprised by the glacial stare Cas threw his way.

                “You can’t get by without connections nowadays, Green,” he said, and though his tone was level, Sam knew Cas must’ve been seething inside.

                 “Words you live by, huh? Castiel?” he said with a pleased smile.

                Cas squared his shoulders and returned Green’s smile with one of his own. “Yes. I keep telling myself that every day. Thank god for connections, otherwise I won’t be here to wipe the floor with my opponents’ faces. I do love being able to crush the gigantic egos of lawyers twenty years my senior.”

                Sam’s jaw dropped. He didn’t know who was more surprised—Green, at being burned so bad by Cas, or Sam, at witnessing that Cas actually had it in him to be vicious towards someone. That was something the younger Cas would never do. Not that Sam minded it. Because Cas putting dicks like Green and Brady in their rightful place? Definitely one of the hottest things Sam had seen in a long while.

                A pleased smile formed on Sam’s face as Green glared at Cas before turning around and walking away. Brady gave Sam a glare of his own, and Sam just nodded, “See you again sometime.”

                “Looks like your case went well,” Sam remarked to Cas, mimicking Cas’ earlier words to him.

                “Of course,” Cas said as they walked back to his office.

                “I hope you didn’t make the old men cry, Cas,” Jo chimed in.

                “A few tears were shed, I’m afraid,” Cas said.

                “What were they on about anyway? Connections? Are they serious?” Sam asked with a scoff. When Jo stiffened and Cas didn’t even react, Sam stopped. “Wait… you mean…?”

                “I think I have a few calls to make,” Jo said, promptly scurrying to her desk.


                “It is not of import,” Cas said as he walked into his office.

                “Hey!” Sam said in protest, following Cas inside. “Was Green telling the truth? Was that why you were so angry at him earlier? You can tell me, Cas.”

                Cas occupied himself with looking through the folders on his desk. “I wasn’t angry,” Cas said.

                Sam scoffed. “Sure you were.”

                Cas stopped messing with the folders and looked at Sam. “Yes I was,” Cas admitted. “You didn’t get this job because of me, Sam. You got here of your own merit.”

                “Wait, what?” Sam asked in confusion. “You were angry because he insinuated I got my job through knowing you?”

                Cas nodded. “You are a very competent associate, Sam. I do not want you to think otherwise.”

                Sam didn’t know what to say to that. Cas wasn’t angry because Green tried to insult him. He was angry because Green tried to insult Sam. It made him feel light headed. “I… I’m fine,” Sam managed to say. “I wasn’t insulted… and I know you didn’t get me this job.”

                Cas’ brows furrowed in confusion. “You do?”

                “Yeah. Nobody could fake that shocked expression on your face when you saw me again," Sam said with a fond smile, recalling his first day at the office.

                It was Cas’ turn to smile. “I don’t take surprises very well after a 13-hour flight,” Cas said. “And I’m glad there’s no confusion about the reason you were hired.”

                “Yeah, we’re cool there. But seriously? You weren’t mad Green was saying all that stuff about you?” Sam asked.

                Cas shrugged. “I’m used to it.”

                “Used to it?” Sam repeated.

                “Yes. Green spoke the truth.”

                “About what?”

                “My mother was a Milton. She founded this firm. Michael Milton is my uncle,” Cas revealed.

                “Your… mom?” Sam asked in disbelief.

                “Yes. You asked why I became a lawyer before, right? This is the reason. I wanted to know about my mother, and I found this,” Cas said, gesturing to the office in general.  “My mother’s legacy. I’m here to continue what she started.”

                Sam stared at Cas’ face for a few seconds before huffing out an awed sigh. “So you did reconnect with your mother’s family…” Sam said thoughtfully. “I never knew. I mean, you always said you’d try… you actually did it.”

                “Yes,” Cas said.  “It was… difficult at first. I resented my mother for a lot of things… as you were well aware.”

                Sam nodded. “Yeah, I remember.”

               “But I got over them eventually. I grew up,” Cas told Sam. “I realized it was… unproductive… to be mad at someone who can’t defend herself from my criticism,” Cas paused, before sighing and leaning his hip on the edge of his table. “Now you know.”

               “I get it,” Sam said. “Thanks… for telling me.”

Cas shrugged. “You would have discovered it eventually. I just hope you did not lose faith in me as a superior.”

                Sam scoffed. “That’s ridiculous, why would I do that?” Sam asked in confusion.

                Cas cocked his head to the side in apparent confusion as well. “Because many believe that I am only a senior partner in this firm because I am a Milton. It is a very understandable assumption, one that I am used to hearing, as I am the youngest senior partner in the history of this firm.”

                “Come on, Cas. You’re a helluva lawyer. I’ve seen you work. You got your job because of your skills,” Sam told him. “Anyone who believes otherwise is lying.”

                “Thank you for your confidence in me, Sam,” Cas said, smiling once more.

                “No problem,” Sam said with a grin. He stood there just looking at Cas for a few seconds. He always noticed how different this older Cas was from the younger one, but now he could see all the ways they were the same. This was the same boy that celebrated Mother’s Day for somebody else’s mom, and the same boy who loved a mom he never knew. He had grown up and worn a suit, but he was still the same.

               And Sam was still in love with him.



Part 5


Lawrence Kansas. 1997


                Sam felt like a horrible person.

                He loved Dean a lot. He may not agree with Dean all the time, but he loved his brother with all his heart. Sometimes though, Dean could be stupid. Emotionally stunted and very stupid.

                How his brother never knew that Cas liked him was a mystery, when every glance Cas threw his way was filled with longing, and everything Cas did, he always did for Dean. He tolerated all of Dean’s shortcomings, and looked at Dean like he was the most fascinating creature he had ever seen.

                It was so obvious that Cas was in love with Dean. Yet Dean didn’t know. Or he knew, yet he didn’t seem to care.

                Which made Sam feel like a horrible person for wanting to punch Dean in the face after he invited Cas to Amanda’s birthday party to meet her ‘hot British cousin’.

                “Come on Cas, think about it!” he said as they got off the bus and started walking to their house. “We can go on double dates if you score Amanda’s cousin. Amanda always wanted to try going on double dates. It’d be perfect!”

                The scared look on Cas’ face said it all. “…Dean,” Cas said pleadingly.

                “Do you even know this ‘hot British cousin’?” Sam chimed in.

                “No, but Amanda assured me she was pretty. Besides, what’s the harm in meeting someone new, huh Cas? You might finally get a girlfriend.”

                “I’m not looking for a girlfriend, Dean,” Cas answered.

                Dean laughed. “You’ve never had a girlfriend in high school. You could sure use one. Help you lighten up a bit,” he said, elbowing Cas teasingly.

                Sam had to remind himself that this was Dean, his brother, and not some insensitive dick that was picking on Cas. And it wasn’t Dean’s fault he didn’t know. Not entirely his fault, anyway.

                “I’ll get into a relationship when I find the right person,” Cas told him. “And not because my best friend thinks I have to ‘lighten up a bit’.”

                “Well, at least come to the party with me. You’re both invited. You don’t even have to talk to anyone British there.”

                Cas frowned. “But how will I know they’re British if I don’t talk to them?”

                 Dean burst out laughing and Sam just tried to hide his snickering while Cas looked at them in confusion.

                “Dude, I have no idea,” Dean said as his laughter died down. “Maybe they smell like tea or something.”


                “Bela didn’t smell like tea,” Cas said as he sat down beside Sam on the steps of Amanda’s front porch.  The party was in full swing in the Heckerlings’ backyard area and most of the guests were Amanda’s relatives and friends.

                “Amanda’s British cousin?” Sam asked, giving him a sympathetic look and offered his plate to him. “Cake?” he asked.

                “Nah,” Cas said, shaking his head. He sipped Coke from his plastic cup as they watched the people walking from their cars to the side of the house. It was very sunny autumn day, and though there was a definite chill in the air, that didn’t stop Amanda from having her barbecue/pool party, or for her guests to enjoy it in their swimsuits. “She wasn’t so bad,” Cas told him.

                “You didn’t like her,” Sam said. He didn’t phrase it as a question because he knew the answer already.

                Cas chuckled. “Nope. And she didn’t like me, which was really fortunate. Otherwise Dean would’ve insisted on that double date.”

                “You could always say ‘no’ if he does it again,” Sam advised.

                “I know. And I did say ‘no’,” Cas said. “I’m… I’m not like Dean. I can’t see myself with someone unless I’m absolutely certain I’m in love with them,” he revealed. “Dean would call me a ‘hopeless romantic’.”

                Sam glanced at Cas and was struck by the sadness in Cas’ eyes. He was in love with Dean, but Dean didn’t love him back and he probably never would. That sadness, that heartache in Cas’ eyes disturbed Sam. Because that look right there was something Sam knew very well. It was the same look he saw in the mirror, and the same look he was probably giving Cas right now.

                Glancing away, Sam ate a piece of his cake in silence. He watched a little boy run naked across the yard, his mother running after him shouting ‘Jesse put your trousers on!’

                “You think you’ll ever find that person?” Sam asked. “Not just someone you’re in love with, but someone who actually loves you back?”

                 “I don’t know,” Cas sighed. “My dad thought he found that with my mom, but you know how that went,” Cas said with a roll of his eyes.

                In the yard, little Jesse was still being chased by his mom, and his sister had joined in the chase, too. They went in circles and it looked really silly. Nobody was getting anywhere.

                And that’s when Sam decided he’d had enough.

                “You should tell him,” he said, turning to face Cas, his heart hammering wildly in his chest.

                Cas looked at him in bewilderment. “Tell who what?”

                “Dean. Tell him,” Sam said.

                Cas stiffened immediately. He masked the terrified look on his face quickly and smiled, “Tell Dean what?” he asked.

                “I know, okay?” Sam told him. “You don’t have to hide it from me. You’re in love with my brother.”

                The forced smile on Cas’ face faded, along with all the color on his skin. He opened his mouth to speak, but he just ended up staring at Sam with wide, unblinking eyes.

                Sam tried to shrug, to make it look like it wasn’t a big deal, even if it was. “I’ve known all along, Cas. And don’t worry, I won’t tell my brother,” he reassured him. “But you have to tell him.”

                 “Why—” Cas voice failed him and he cleared his throat a couple of times just to get the words out, “Why would I do that?” he asked, placing his cup on the floor and crossing his arms in front of him as if to shield him from what Sam was about to say. “And you knew… all this time? But you didn’t say anything?”

                Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. “What am I supposed to say? You didn’t say anything either. But that’s not the point. You know nothing’s going to happen until you tell my brother you’re in love with him.”

                “Dean would never—“ Cas said, shaking his head.

                “You never know…”

                “No, you don’t understand, Sam,” Cas insisted. “I know Dean. He would never… never return my… f—“ Cas stopped, unable to form the words. “He’s my best friend Sam, I can’t destroy that.”

                “Bullshit!” Sam said, standing up from his seat and walking down to the lawn.

                “Sam,” Cas said breathlessly, surprised at Sam’s cursing, and the venom behind it.

                “You wanna be happy?” he asked, turning to look down at Cas still sitting on the steps. “You tell the person you love that you love them. What’s so difficult about that? If he says he loves you, then great! You get what you want,” Sam said, even as his chest grew tight at the idea of Cas being together with Dean. “If he says he doesn’t love you, then okay, at least you know for sure and you can move on…” he continued.

                “It’s not that easy, Sam,” Cas tried to reason out.

                “Oh really? It IS easy. You’re just too scared to do it,” Sam told him. The look of shocked hurt on Cas’ face made Sam’s chest grow tight, but he ignored it and went on. “You wanna see how easy it is?” Sam asked. He took a deep breath. There was no going back now. “I love you,” he admitted.

                “Sam…”Cas said breathlessly, surprised by the honesty and sincerity in Sam’s voice. His first thought was that Sam was showing him how to say his feelings to someone. But Sam’s voice as he said it, and his eyes, focused and determined and burning with emotion told him all he needed to know. Sam was telling the truth. Sam loved him. Love. It was almost too much to comprehend. “Sam…” he said again.

                “I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you for a long time,” Sam went on. “And before you tell me I’m too young, you’ve been in love with my brother ever since you were my age. So don’t tell me I’m too young to know what it means.”

                “Please tell me you’re kidding,” Cas said in disbelief. He didn’t know what else to say. Sam was in love with him? It couldn’t be. “You’re just saying this to—“

                Sam was affronted. “You think I’m kidding? Do I look like I’m kidding?” he asked. He tried to keep his voice down, but a couple of guests were starting to look their way.

                “I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t mean it like that,” Cas said, and Sam immediately felt guilty for making Cas feel bad. That wasn’t his intention at all.

               Sam sighed. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I just… I’m so tired of this already. I’m so tired of looking at you and seeing you so hung up on Dean and he has no idea. I keep thinking… I keep thinking…” Sam said, as if unable to find the right words to express how he felt. “I keep thinking why couldn’t it be me?” Sam finally asked, and just like that, it felt like all of his energy was gone and he gave Cas an utterly defeated look. “If-if we’d met… if you were my classmate and we became friends instead of you and Dean… would you… would you have picked me instead?”

               Cas stared at Sam for one long, silent moment, before he whispered, “Oh Sam…”, so quietly his voice hardly carried in the air.

               Sam’s eyes started to water when Cas said his name again. Because in that instant, he saw all he needed to see. There was understanding and concern and guilt in Cas’ face. Guilt that he never knew about Sam’s feelings, and guilt that he would never be able to return them. He didn’t need to say anything else, it was clear.

                “I get it,” Sam said. He forced a smile on his face. “See? That wasn’t so hard. I got my answer. I don’t have to wonder—“

                “Sam,” Cas said, reaching a hand out to try and comfort him, but Sam stepped away.

                “It’s…” Sam sniffed. “It’s your turn.”

                “Sam, please?” Cas said, standing up from the porch. “I don’t know what to do… please don’t cry?”

                “I’m not,” Sam said indignantly, even as the tears started falling down his cheeks. He hated the way Cas looked at him now. Like he was someone to be pitied. He took a few more steps back. “Tell Dean. Or you’ll regret it,” he said, and with that he turned around and ran away. Ran as fast as he could away from Cas. He didn’t care where his feet led him, he just needed to run.




                “How about her? She looks smokin’,” Garth, one of the paralegals, pointed out over drinks.

                “Her? Pretty sure that girl’s name is Madison,” Ash, one of the guys from IT, told Sam.

                The Roadhouse was up to capacity with people that night. Half of the crowd was from Milton Adler, taking advantage of the free booze courtesy of Sam, while the other half were regular patrons of the pub. The people from the firm had already been there drinking for a while, a lot of them well on their way to a massive hangover the next day, and Sam was no exception.

                Which was probably why, despite himself, Sam checked out this Madison girl that the guys had been pointing out. She was a petite brunette having drinks with a couple of her friends. Sam liked brunettes.

                “Bad idea,” Chuck said, shaking his head. “That’s Nate Mulligan’s secretary. You know, from Mulligan & Mueller?”

                “So? It’s not like you’re sleeping with her to get information on her boss,” Ash said.

                “No, you know what? That’s a great idea. Sleep with her to get information on her boss,” Garth chimed in.

                Sam chuckled. “Will you guys cut it out? I’m not picking her up. I’m not picking anyone up for tonight, you got that?”

                “I don’t know man, what’s a celebration without a little booze and booty, eh?” Ash said, winking at Sam.

                “Oh dear, she’s here,” Chuck suddenly said.

                “Who?” Sam asked, turning to look at the door. A petite blonde walked in, and Sam recognized her instantly. “That’s Inias’ assistant, right? Becky?” Sam asked.

                “I asked her if she was coming… she said she wasn’t. But she’s here,” Chuck said, sounding nervous.

                “Well, go ahead!” Ash said. “Talk to her.”

                Chuck chugged the rest of his beer and squared his shoulders. “Alright, I’m talking to her.”

                “That’s the spirit!” Ash said happily as they watched Chuck weave his way through the tables to get to Becky. “What did I say? Huh? Booze and booty,” he said with a wink.

                Sam just chuckled and continued drinking. They’ve been relentless in telling him to pick someone up that night, and every time a woman so much as glanced at Sam’s direction, they immediately told him to talk to them. He wasn’t really interested in them. His attention was mostly on Cas. He was seated by a secluded table drinking beer with Inias, and Sam had been so busy trying to entertain his guests (and making sure they don’t order ridiculously expensive wine) that he didn’t really get a chance to talk to Castiel all night. Their earlier conversation about why Cas became a lawyer was still stuck in his mind. Now, he wanted to learn more about Cas’ life after he left Lawrence more than ever. He wanted to learn everything.

               When Inias stood up from the table and walked to the bar to chat with Alfie and a couple other associates, Sam found his opening. He stood up, grabbed his beer, and excused himself from the table. Now that most of his guests were sufficiently buzzed and entertaining themselves, it was the perfect time to try and talk to Cas again. It didn’t matter that Sam was probably sufficiently buzzed as well.

               “Hey, enjoying the night so far?” Sam asked as he took the seat that Inias vacated.

                “Yes. The food here is excellent. And so is the beer,” Cas commented.

               “You ate the cheeseburger, didn’t you?”

               Cas chuckled. “You seem to know me well.”

                 “Not as much as I hoped to,” Sam admitted. “Wow,” Sam grinned. “I’ve been wanting to say that for a long time.”

                The look on Cas’ face was something like fondness, or tolerance. Either way, Sam liked it. “What do you want to know?” Cas asked.

                “Everything,” Sam said, gesturing with his hands. “I wanna know everything.”

                “Okay,” Cas said, surprising Sam. “Where do you want me to start?”

                Sam contemplated for a moment. “Let’s start with Dean.” And whoa, okay, he may have jumped to that way too soon, and by the look of surprise on Cas’ face, Cas seemed to think so, too.

                Cas cocked his head to the side. “Dean? What about him?”

                “You still like Dean?”

                “He is my friend,” Cas answered.

                “Not like that. I mean like, as in do you still like like Dean,” Sam clarified, though he didn’t know if he got his message across.

                Cas leaned across the table. “Sam?”

                “Yeah,” Sam asked, blinking.

                “You’re drunk.”

                “No, I’m not,” he said before leaning on the table so that his face was mere inches from Cas’ “Cas?” he asked.


                “Answer the question.”

                Cas’ brow twitched and he leaned back on his seat. It took him a few seconds to form a reply, eyes never leaving Sam’s face in that span of time. Sam refused to blink, looking at Cas like they were in a staring match to the death. Until Cas blinked and it was all over. “No, I don’t,” Cas finally replied.  “I found out during college that I could stand being away from him. My life moved on, even if Dean wasn’t there. I moved on. So no. I don’t like your brother like that anymore. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

                Sam frowned. “Depends. Do you mean it?”

                “Of course,” Cas said with a serious face. “Though I could hardly imagine why it would matter now. That was more than a decade—“

                “I didn’t,” Sam interrupted.

                Cas took a moment to comprehend what Sam meant. “You didn’t what?”

                Sam grabbed his wallet from the back pocket of his pants, and with shaky fingers, he pulled out the small moose pendant inside. “I didn’t move on,” Sam said, placing the pendant on the table between them.

                Cas looked down at the pendant with wide eyes, then back at Sam’s face. Sam held Cas’ gaze, hoping that what he couldn’t say, Cas could see in his eyes instead. “I thought I did… but I was wrong.  I see you again… and suddenly I’m back to being a kid… looking at you and wishing you’d look at me.”

                “Sam…” Cas said, and Sam saw it again. There was understanding and concern and guilt in his face. So much guilt.

               Sam had to laugh. “And now I feel like I’m 14 again, shaking in my boots as I confess my love to you at some girl’s birthday party,” he said before taking a long swig from his beer. “Still as pathetic as I used to be.”

               “Don’t say that,” Cas told him. “You were never pathetic.”

                Sam waved a dismissive hand. “It’s cool,” he said, trying to smile. “You were always so nice to me. And what did I do? I pushed you away. I did that, right? I pushed you away,” he said before he pocketed his wallet and stood up from his seat. “I just wish I had enough sense not to make the same mistake again, huh?” he asked, before turning to walk away.

                Cas grabbed at Sam’s wrist and Sam stopped and looked back at him.

                “And now you’re running away again,” Cas told him. “Stay and we’ll talk,” he said, picking up the pendant from the table and handing it back to Sam.

                Sam took the pendant and smiled. “Dude, I gotta piss. I’ll be right back,” he explained.

                “Oh,” Cas said, dropping Sam’s arm. “I will wait for you then.”

                Sam nodded. He weaved his way through the tables and went to the comfort room. He opened his hand and stared at the pendant. He was holding it so tightly that it left a red mark on his palm. He sighed as he carefully placed it back in his wallet.

                When he came out, he grabbed a beer and passed by Ash and Garth’s table. “I’ll think I’ll try my luck with Madison,” he said, grinning as the two men cheered him on.

                He never went back to Cas’ table.


                Sam was dreaming.

               Part of having a very active imagination was that Sam often had very vivid dreams. Usually these dreams happened when he had a long, deep sleep, which was rare in law school, and even rarer now that he was working.

                Tonight, however, he was having one of his vivid dreams.

                In this dream, he was kissing Castiel out in the alley beside The Roadhouse. He had him pinned to the cold brick with his body while Castiel’s arms were wrapped around his neck, his long fingers carding through his hair. Sam pushed a thigh in between Cas’ legs, and hiked his knee up, earning a gasp from Cas when Sam ground against his erection. “You’re hard,” Sam said with laughter, kissing Cas’ mouth again before moving to mouth at his jaw.

                “So… so are you,” Cas answered before a groan was torn from his throat as Sam began to thrust his pelvis against Cas’, the friction of their clothed cocks sliding against one another so delicious and so overwhelming yet so very lacking at the same time. “Sam…” Cas gasped as one particularly hard thrust left Cas dizzy and clinging to Sam’s arms. Sam captured his lips in a kiss again, then his jaw, then his neck, and it was like he couldn’t get enough of his taste, of the heat of his skin against his fingers, of the grip of Cas’ hands on his biceps. And god, Cas was so gorgeous like this, flushed and panting and covered with Sam’s body. Cas wasn’t a small man, but pinned against the wall and clinging to Sam like this, he almost looked tiny compared to Sam, and it made Sam’s blood boil. Made him want to pin him to the wall harder, pull him up so his legs wrapped around his waist, make him take Sam’s cock like that over and over again.

                “God, Cas… want you so bad,” Sam moaned, thrusting against Cas again and making the smaller man shiver. One of his hands danced over Cas’ lower back before dipping in to the waistband of Cas’ pants and underwear and grabbing one firm globe of his ass. With a jolt, Cas pushed against Sam’s chest, effectively stopping Sam’s hand and teasing fingers from going further.

                “What?” Sam complained. “If you tell me to stop now—“

                “Your place or mine?” Cas asked, voice rough and heavy and Sam had to laugh at his luck tonight.

                “Unless you can get to your place in less than five minutes, we’re going to mine.”

                The next thing Sam knew, they were stumbling into his apartment, and as soon as the door closed behind them, Cas was pulling Sam’s suit jacket off and Sam was trying, and failing to get Cas’ shirt undone. “I’ll pay for it,” he said, and before Cas could ask what he meant, he gripped the fabric in both hands and tore it open, buttons flying everywhere as Cas looked at him incredulously.

               “I could’ve done it,” Cas said in disbelief.

               Sam just chuckled and kissed Cas to silence any other protests.

               Cas was having none of it, and bit Sam’s bottom lip in retaliation. Sam groaned, grabbing Cas by his waist and half dragging, half carrying him into the bedroom. He pushed Cas onto the bed, intent on pinning him once again with his body.

               This time, however, Cas had other plans, and he pulled Sam down on the bed and turned him around so he lay on his back while Cas made quick work of his pants. The moment Sam’s cock was released from its constraints, Sam stroked at it, and was pleased when Cas stopped undressing long enough to watch Sam jerk himself off. Sam was big. Like the rest of him, his cock was impressive, and Cas licked his lips as he watched Sam’s hand go up and down his length. Sam stopped to grip himself tight at the base, keeping himself from coming at the sight of Cas divesting himself of the rest of his clothing and crawling towards him on the bed. “Jesus, Cas,” Sam breathed, and Cas placed his hand above Sam’s and started stroking up and down Sam’s length.

               When Cas bent down and took Sam in his mouth, it was a miracle Sam didn’t come right then and there. It was an even bigger miracle he didn’t come even when Cas started licking him and sucking him in earnest. Cas couldn’t swallow him whole, his girth stretching Cas’ mouth obscenely wide, but he took all that he could, and withdrew before he started to gag. It was the hottest thing Sam had ever seen.

               Cas took one last lick at the head of Sam’s cock before rising back up to his knees. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he moved to straddle Sam’s thighs, and Sam’s breath hitched as Cas slid forward and forward until he sat on Sam’s stomach. And dear god, Sam could come from the sight of Cas alone, flushed and panting, his cock jutting upwards to his stomach. He had his hands braced on Sam’s chest as he scooted backward a bit until Sam felt it, a sweet, hot friction on his cock and realized Cas was sliding his ass up and down Sam’s length, the precome and saliva Cas left behind barely easing the movement.

                Sam’s hands flew to Cas ass, kneading and gripping the firm flesh as he started thrusting up between Cas’ cheeks. Cas moaned, rocking back on Sam’s erection, and shuddering violently every time the head of Sam’s cock glided deliciously against his hole.

                “Sam…Sa-am,” Cas moaned brokenly and Sam’s vision began to white out. Cas may have said something, and he may have answered, but he couldn’t remember what it was, until Cas’ weight was off of him abruptly.

                He tried to focus, but as dreams went, he wasn’t really able to comprehend this part very well. The next thing he remembered was Cas’s weight back on top of him, and, oh, he was sinking down on him. It was hot and tight, so tight and so, so good that Sam thought it was impossible to feel this much pleasure. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, until he heard Cas’ moan again and his eyes snap open. He wanted to watch this, wanted to brand the image in his memory.  He kept his eyes wide open and  watched Cas lower himself inch by agonizing inch down his cock. Cas paused midway to take a deep breath, and Sam was struck by the concentration on his face.

               “You okay?” he asked, and Cas nodded in response.

               “You’re—“ Cas began, an amused smile forming on his face, “You’re… bigger… than I… anticipated,” he said, his thighs trembling as he lowered himself a fraction of an inch more.

               “Go slow,” Sam advised, his hand settling on Cas’ thigh and stroking gently to soothe him. He brought his other hand to glide over Cas’ chest, pausing to worship a nipple.

               Cas shuddered as Sam’s fingers toyed with the hardened bud before moving to its twin and giving it the same treatment. Then Sam’s hand moved down his stomach and finally to his cock, where Sam stroked him slowly, making him shudder and his thighs tremble all the more. He took a deep breath and rose up barely an inch before sliding back down further. The sensation of Sam’s cock moving inside him definitely outweighed the discomfort and Cas tried again, bouncing up a bit before sinking lower and lower until he was fully seated on Sam’s cock.

               “God that’s—“ Sam stopped when Cas rolled his hips and the sweet, sweet feeling of his cock buried deep in Cas became too much to bear. “Fuck Cas—I’m not gonna last,” he choked out.

               Cas even had the nerve to smile and ‘tsk’ at him, choosing instead to continue the slow rolling of his hips that drove Sam wild.

               Sam’s hands moving to either side of Cas’ hips to spur him on, and Cas relented, finally rising up and sinking back down on Sam. Slowly at first, then picking up his pace, until he was bouncing on top of Sam eagerly. And god did Sam love his dream version of Cas, frantic with lust and wild abandon. Like the calm and composed lawyer was just a ruse and this was what Cas was really like—wild, and passionate and starving for Sam’s cock.

               Bending his knees and putting his feet flat on the mattress for leverage, Sam began meeting Cas’ up-down movement with thrusts of his own. They established a rhythm soon after, Sam thrusting up to Cas’ tight heat as Cas impaled himself on Sam’s cock.

               When Cas’ hands encircled his own cock and started jerking himself off in frantic strokes, Sam knew it was all over. Cas sank himself completely on to Sam and came with a loud moan, bursts of his come splattering between his fingers and on to Sam’s chest.

               Sam followed a split second later, the fluttering of Cas’ inner muscles throwing him off the edge and his orgasm punched out of him, leaving him unable to breathe as he shot his load deep inside Cas. His orgasm took forever, like a form of torture meant to drain the life out of him. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, couldn’t hear anything but static and couldn’t see anything but stars and galaxies and Cas, lying down boneless on top of him, looking every bit like a debauched fallen angel.  And then even that faded from his vision and all he saw was nothing.


                Sam hated hangovers.

                The reason he rarely allowed himself to get drunk was because he hated having hangovers the next day. He woke up the morning after his drinking party with a pounding headache. His vision was swimming as he focused all his energy on getting up and making it to the bathroom before he threw up. He barely made it, too, and spent the next five or ten minutes just making the toilet seat his new pillow.

                Eventually, he got up, took a really nice, long piss and rinsed his mouth in the sink. He nearly tripped over the waste basket on his way out, and noticed a used condom inside it. His eyebrows shot skyward. ‘How did that happen?’ he asked himself. He peered through the bathroom door and saw a hint of someone’s smooth, slender back from under the blankets. ‘Madison, right…’ Sam remembered.

                He relented to his co-workers’ teasing and chatted her up.  She was really into him, and he remembered making out with her, which was good, because Sam remembered close to nothing after that. At least he was almost positive he didn’t force her or anything. Not that he’d do that to anyone, but the possibility that he did scared him a bit. When he made his way back into the bedroom, he picked up his pants lying on the floor and started pulling them on as quietly as he could. He didn’t remember last night, but maybe he could make up to her by fixing up some breakfast.

                Then Madison stirred, groaned low and turned around. “Ugh…what time is it?”

                And Sam stopped from putting his pants on and froze with his foot in the air. He turned his gaze toward the bed, and felt his world stop spinning.




Part 6


Lawrence, Kansas. 1997-1998


                “Ruby was calling me a midget all through gym. Was it bad I wanted to throw the ball at her face the whole time?” Sam asked Dean as they walked out of the locker rooms after soccer practice.

                “Depends, dude, did you do it?” Dean asked.

                “No,” Sam said, scrunching his face. “I’m not gonna hit a girl. Even if I’m pretty sure she’s a demon.”

                “Who’s a demon?” Cas asked.

                Sam was startled by Cas, not because he appeared out of nowhere, but because he was there at all. Amanda’s birthday party happened yesterday, and Sam thought Cas’d be mad, or at least uncomfortable being around Sam. But he just smiled and started walking with them to the bus stop, like they always did.

                “This Ruby chick. She has a crush on Sam,” Dean revealed.

                “She doesn’t,” Sam insisted. “Unless you call picking on someone because they’re short something you’d do to your crush.”

                “You’re not short, Sam,” Cas said, patting Sam on the back. “You’ll grow tall eventually.”

               Sam blinked. Why was Cas being so nice to him?

               “Yeah, you eat like a ton yet you don’t get fat. It has to go somewhere, right?” Dean added.

               “You know, when a baby moose is born in spring, they weigh 25 to 35 pounds. That’s about the size of a two-year old person. Compared to adult moose, that’s tiny. But, they eventually end up growing around 300 to 400 pounds by their first winter.”

               “So you’re saying I’m a moose?” Sam asked incredulously. He was still stuck surprised that Cas was here, talking to him like nothing happened. And then it hit him. Cas was doing it on purpose. He was pretending nothing happened. Sam didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

               “I’m saying that you just haven’t started growing for your winter yet. But you will,” Cas explained. “And then maybe when you do you can stick it to that Ruby girl, huh?”

               “Stick it to that Ruby girl?  Why Cas I never thought you had it in you to be so lewd,” Dean joked.

               “Everything sounds lewd to you, Dean,” Cas retorted. They joked around all the way to the bus stop. Sam, however, remained quiet for the most part. He kept staring at Cas, wondering why he was acting like nothing happened. Did he think Sam wasn’t being serious? Did he think it wasn’t worth losing sleep over? Or feeling uncomfortable over? Sam felt miserable. This was worse than being rejected. His feelings were being ignored.


                Things weren’t the same between them ever since Amanda’s birthday. Cas didn’t confess to Dean, and he pretended Sam didn’t confess to him either.  At first, it didn’t bother Sam. He didn’t want to talk about it—didn’t want to be reminded of that day. So he allowed Cas to pretend and he didn’t mention anything about it at all. Cas still came over even when Dean wasn’t around. He still helped Sam with homework, and still spent weekends doing movie marathons and kicking the ball in the yard with the brothers.

                As the days passed, however, Sam grew more and more uncomfortable. At times, he could almost forget it happened. He could almost make himself believe that Cas still didn’t know about anything, about Sam’s feelings for him, or about Sam knowing Cas had feelings for Dean instead.

               But there were times when little things bothered him so much he wanted to grab Cas by the shoulders and shake him until he came to his senses and stopped pretending everything was okay. Those times when Sam was in the room, and Dean would plop next to Cas on the sofa, half draping himself over Cas’ legs, and Cas would look up at Sam for a split-second, like he was guilty. Like it was his fault Dean sat beside him. Like he was worried Sam might look at it the wrong way. And then he’d remember himself and look away, remember that he had nothing to feel guilty about and that this was normal for friends. Sam wanted to scream. He didn’t know what he wanted Cas to do, but pretending things were the same was not one of them.

               It went on for two weeks. By then, Sam had enough.

               “Stop being so nice to me,” he said while they were doing homework on the dining room table.

               Cas chuckled like it was a ridiculous statement. “What do you mean?” he asked, not looking up from his writing.

               “You know what I mean,” Sam said, dropping his pen on the table and crossing his arms on his chest. “I told you I like you. I forced you to confess to Dean… so why are you still here? Why are you still pretending to be okay with everything?”

                “I don’t understand what you want me to do, Sam,” he said, putting his pen down and looking back at Sam.

               “At least stop pretending that me saying ‘Hey Cas, I love you,’ didn’t happen.”

               “ How do you want me to react then? Do you want me to get mad at you for saying that? Do you want me to ignore you from now on?”

               “Yes! I don’t know. Maybe punch me in the face. Tell me to stop liking you because it’s stupid. Tell me I’m too young to know—“

               “You are too young, Sam,” Cas said, shaking his head. “You don’t love me… not like that.”

               Cas finally saying something about his confession was like a dam breaking. Sam was waiting for this to happen. Waiting for Cas to talk to him about how young and foolish he’s being. Waiting for Cas to put a nail on his coffin.

               “Yes I do!” Sam insisted.

               “You’re 14, Sam. You’ll find someone—“

               Sam had to laugh at that. “Finally, finally you’re turning me down! You know, this is so much better than you just pretending I didn’t say anything. Because at least now I know my feelings mean something to you…”

               Cas face fell. “What are you talking about? Of course your feelings mean something to me!”

               “But not enough to acknowledge them, until now, when I told you to,” Sam accused, pushing his chair away from the table with a vicious scrape. He stood up, placing both his palms on the table. “You know? I didn’t think you could be that cruel, Cas,” he said, although the terrible feeling in his stomach told him otherwise. ‘You’re the one who’s cruel Sam. Not Cas.’

               “That’s—“ Cas started, choking on the words. “—that’s not true, Sam. I just wanted… I just wanted things to remain the way they were,” he said with pleading eyes. “Can’t we just go back to the way things were?”

               Sam smiled bitterly. “I can’t,” he said, before turning around and locking himself up in his room. He didn’t come down when Dean called him for dinner, and he never spent time alone with Cas again after that.

               Cas stopped coming whenever Dean wasn’t around, and in the times that he was at their house, Sam would excuse himself and retreat into his room, or go out with his friends instead. Sometimes, just so Dean won’t suspect too much, he’d watch movies with them, and he’d ride the bus home with them, too. But words exchanged with Cas were few and far between, mostly because every time Cas tried to talk to him, Sam answered him in monosyllables. By the time Cas and Dean graduated that spring, Sam had almost convinced himself he made the right choice. That distancing himself from Cas was the best way to forget about him and stop himself from getting hurt any further. He thought finally, he was okay with not having Cas in his life.

               But he came home one day, and Dean handed him a small, neatly wrapped present, and he realized he was not okay. He never was.

               Cas left him a present. He left for college that day. Got accepted to Columbia, like everyone expected. Dean invited him to see Cas off that morning, but Sam lied and said he was busy. He regretted saying that now. Even if he didn’t get to talk much with Cas the past few months, he still missed him. He saw him every now and then, and he was always close so he never really felt like Cas was away. But now he was really gone, off to live in a city miles and miles away. The gravity of the situation started to weigh heavily on Sam’s shoulders. He may never see Cas again.

               With his heart pounding in his chest, he locked himself in his room and opened Cas’ present. There was no note, only Sam’s name written on the box in Cas’ slanted handwriting. And in the box was a silver pendant in the shape of a moose.

               Sam felt like crying, but he didn’t. Instead, he sat there on the foot of his bed, just staring at the pendant nestled in his palm. There was an eerie calm around him, like the feeling you get after losing a big game. You lost. You did your best. There was nothing else you could do.

               But this wasn’t a game. And Sam knew he didn’t do his best. He lost Cas before it was even over.

               Sam huffed out a bitter laugh as he traced the moose antlers with his fingers. If this was how his first love was going to end, well, it sure was a painful way to go.




                This was a joke, right?

                Or wait, maybe Sam was still asleep. Dreaming. Because that was not a woman lying naked in his bed. That was Cas.



                Like Sam was right now.

                “Fuck!” Sam cursed as he hurriedly yanked his pants up to try and cover himself. His foot got caught somewhere inside and in his haste, he slipped and fell on the floor with a loud thud.

                He heard Cas groan again, and shit, that was really Cas on his bed. So that must mean…

                “I wasn’t dreaming?” Sam whispered in shock. Flashes of his not-dream came back to him. Cas going down on him, Cas riding him, Cas moaning loudly as he came—

                “What time is it?” he heard Cas say again, and Sam scrambled to get up. He stole a glance at Cas. He had kicked the blankets away so now he was completely naked, finger-shaped bruises on his hips and—wow, now was not really the time to ogle Cas. He glanced away quickly, and reached for the small alarm clock on his side table.

                “Uh… 10:30,” Sam announced. He stole another glance at Cas and saw he was now getting up and okay, totally not self conscious as he stretched his arms over his head. Well, if Sam thought about it, Cas really had no need to be self-conscious with that body and that face and that everything. Sam watched, mesmerized as the muscles on Cas’ back flexed with the movement of his arms. Even his ass was—

                “Do you mind if I use your shower?”

                “Huh?” Sam asked, tearing his gaze away from Cas’ ass.

                “Shower? Do you mind if I shower?”

                “Uh, no, yeah sure go right ahead,” Sam answered quickly.

                Cas nodded and trudged to the bathroom, leaving Sam still gaping in shock and unable to form a coherent thought.

                Sam stared at the bathroom door, then glanced back at the mess that was his bed, at the scatter of clothes on the floor… and at a used condom lying discarded near his closet. Sam frowned. But there was another condom in—oh. Oh he needed to lie down for a while. He could already feel his blood going south at the memory of what they did last night, and the possibility of other things they may have done that eluded him at the moment.

               This was… big.

               Sam ran a shaky hand through his hair, and glanced at the closed bathroom door when he heard the shower start.

               He slept with Cas. His boss, which wasn’t so bad. Except it was Cas. The guy he had been pining after ever since he came to the firm. No. The guy he had been pining after ever since he was in 6th grade. Friggin’ 6th grade! That was 17 years worth of pent up sexual frustration and unrequited love and all the other stuff that came along with it.

               This wasn’t just big.

               This was very big.

                Sam released a shaky breath. “I think I need coffee…”


                Cas came out of the bedroom wearing his pants and nothing else. Sam tried not to spill his coffee all over himself.

                “Do you mind if I borrowed one of your shirts?” Cas asked. “I’d wear mine… but it’s currently missing all but one of its buttons.”

                Sam’s face flushed. He remembered tearing that shirt open the night before. “Right, sorry, I’ll get you a shirt,” he said, rushing past Cas (who smelled of Sam’s soap and shampoo) and into the bedroom. He went through his closet to find something that would fit Cas better. Not that Sam wouldn’t love the sight of Cas in one of his really big t-shirts, but Cas might not appreciate wearing a purple greyhound shirt with his slacks and suit jacket.

               While searching, Sam wondered why Cas was so calm about everything. He wasn’t freaking out like holy-cow-I-slept-with-my-associate kind of freaking out. He was just his usual self, which was good since at least Sam was the only one who didn’t know exactly what happened the night before. But still, Cas’ own calm behavior only managed to make Sam more nervous and on edge. Was this not that big of a deal for him? Did he sleep with his associates all the time? No, that’s not like Cas at all. But why was he so friggin’ calm like didn’t he have Sam’s cock up his ass last night? Shouldn’t that count for a little bit more reaction from him now?

               “Jesus, Sam, pull yourself together,” Sam chastised himself before finally picking out a shirt from his closet.

He emerged a little later with one of his old flannel shirts and gave it to Cas, who thanked him and proceeded to put it on right there by the door.

                It took a lot of effort to not just stand around and watch Cas put on his shirt. The vee of his hipbones as it disappeared into his slacks was captivating, and for what seemed like the tenth time that morning, Sam felt his blood migrate south.

                “Coffee?” Sam croaked out, adjusting his eyes to Cas’ face.

                “I’m sorry, but I have to run,” Cas said. “I have a lunch meeting…”

                “Uh, yeah sure!” Sam said before he led Cas to his front door. He thought they’d have a talk before Cas left, but since he was in a hurry, this actually saved Sam from the possible embarrassment of admitting he remembered probably less than half of what happened last night (and what he did remember, he thought was just a dream at first).

                Cas picked up his suit jacket that was haphazardly draped over the couch the night before and slung it over an arm. “I will see you on Monday,” he told Sam as he stepped out into the hallway.

                 “Yeah, see you on Monday,” he said, acting as casual as he could.

                Cas nodded and walked away.

                Once Cas disappeared around the hallway, Sam shut his door and leaned his back on the wood. That was not as awkward as he had first thought, though Cas did leave before they even got to talking. Sam wondered if this changed things at all for them, and what would it be like come Monday. More importantly, he wondered what he could do to remember as much of last night as he could, and what he needed to do to make it happen again. Soon.


                Sam didn’t know what to expect when he went to work that Monday, but he probably shouldn’t have been surprised anymore when all he got was more of the same thing.

                Jo called him just before lunch sounding more chipper than usual. “So I heard someone had fun this weekend,” Jo said.

                Sam released a nervous huff of laughter. “What? What are you talking about? What fun?” Sam asked quickly. She couldn’t possibly know, could she?

                “Chuck and Becky,” Jo clarified. “I heard they’re going out now. I mean, Becky was always eyeing you saying you were hot and everything…”

               “She did now?” Sam asked in amusement and relief.

               “Uh-huh… but I guess she realized Chuck isn’t such a bad guy so she finally said ‘yes’ to him,” Jo said.

               “That’s… that’s great. But you didn’t call me just because of that, did you?”

               “Why? Can’t a girl call up her boss’ man-slave to gossip from time to time?”  Jo asked, when Sam didn’t answer, she sighed. “Oh fine. Spoilsport. Cas wants to see you in his office right now.”

               “Cas wants to see me?” Sam asked, rising from his seat. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”

               “Well, I just said it, didn’t I? Get your butt up here right now. Chop chop!”

               Sam dropped the phone back to its cradle and started walking briskly down the hallway. He tried to brace himself for what was going to happen. Because this was it, Cas was gonna talk to him about that night… maybe set some boundaries at work, or maybe politely let him down and tell him it was a onetime thing.

                The whole weekend, all Sam did was replay in his mind what had happened, and even then he still couldn’t believe it. He remembered coming up to Madison, chatting her up for a little while. A few more drinks and they were making out in a booth alone. It was a great way to forget Cas—but then Cas just showed up at the booth and asked to see him.


                “We have very urgent business to attend to,” Cas told him, his face grim and serious. “Could I talk to you for a minute outside?”

                Sam looked at Madison and back at Cas. He didn’t even have to think about that decision. “He’s my boss… I gotta go. I’ll be back in a short while,” he said, excusing himself from the table. He was a bit guilty when Madison shot him an incredulous look, but hey, Cas needed his help with work. Though he doubted he could be of much help when he’s more than half way to wasted.

                They stepped outside and he followed Cas to the alley beside the Roadhouse. He was about to open his mouth and ask what ‘business’ Cas was talking about when Cas pushed him against the wall and kissed him. And everything fell into place after that.

                What Sam really wanted to know now was why Cas kissed him. He thought at first that maybe he was the one who came on to Cas in his drunken state. But no, it was actually the other way around, and that just made him feel all jittery inside, like a teenage girl getting asked out by her crush for a date. Or well, in his case, getting asked out by his crush and pulled to an ally for a really hot make out session.

                He made his way to Cas’ office with every intention of finding out what Cas had to say about that—when he spotted Cas leaving his office just as he was arriving.

                “Whoa, hey, I thought you called me up here?” Sam asked.

                “Oh, good, you’re here,” Cas said. “Follow me.”

                Sam frowned. Cas was his usual professional self. Perfect. “Where are we going?”

                “Conference Room A. Negotiations with the lawyers of Green Room about the terms of the merger,” Cas explained as they made their way down the hall.

                “Wait, Green Room? Merger? You mean the one with Carver’s Place? But that was like ages ago. I thought everything was good to go?” Sam asked.

                “Carver is a great man, but he has trouble making up his mind. Now we’re entering new negotiations with Green Room. Won’t be too difficult. Carver wants this merger no matter what the cost. Even if they wanted him to chop off his leg and arm in exchange for this merger—not that I’d let them demand that—Carver will still do it,” he said before he stopped by the door to the conference room and looked back at Sam. “Let’s just not make it that obvious,” he said, plastering on a fake smile before opening the door.

                “Castiel!” a man with possibly too much hair product on his head greeted with a practiced smile.

                “Nice to see you Harvey,” Cas returned the greeting with the same fake smile on his face (that possibly looked real if you didn’t actually know that Cas never smiled like that, not ever).

                “You’re looking well!” Harvey said. When his gaze fell upon Sam, his eyes grew wide. “And I didn’t know you employ bodyguards now, Cas, or I would’ve brought one instead of my scrawny associate. Just in case things get a little too hairy,” he said with a wink.

                “Hey! I resent that,” his associate complained. He was a thin man possibly a little older than Sam was. His big blue eyes (though not as big and not as blue as Cas’, Sam thought quickly) were honest and held a certain naiveté about them that had long been gone from those of his boss, and seemed to be gone in Cas’ eyes as well.

                “Actually, this is my associate, Sam Winchester,” Cas said. “This is Harvey Specter and his associate, Mike Ross, if I’m not mistaken?” he asked.

                Mike smiled. “That’s correct.”

                Sam shook their hands and as they were sitting down, Harvey commented, “So which senior partner did you have to fight to get your very own personal bodyguard…I mean associate, Castiel?”

                “Sam’s not mine,” Cas said. “Not exclusively anyway.”

                Sam tried his very best not to bristle at that. Either Cas meant nothing when he said that, or Cas meant exactly what Sam thought—like it was a declaration that what happened to them was nothing important.

                Harvey laughed. “Nobody’s exclusive these days, Cas,” he said, and the familiar way he said Cas’ name made something burn in the pit of Sam’s stomach. “Though with the right price, someone could be.”

                “Of course,” Cas said with that same fake smile. “Everybody has a price,” he said, and Sam has a distinct feeling they weren’t talking about him anymore.

                The smirk that formed on Harvey’s lips held too much meaning for Sam to just ignore. He didn’t like this Harvey guy. He seemed dangerous. “Let’s get started, shall we?" Harvey said.


                Like Cas said, it wasn’t very difficult to get through the negotiations. By the end of their meeting, the merger’s details had been finalized at no additional cost to both companies. It was the first deal he had been really involved in, and Sam was actually so proud of himself when he stepped out of that conference room that a dopey smile started forming on his face.

                Jo looked up from her typing when Sam reached her desk. “You look like you just inhaled some happy gas.”

                “Negotiations are finally done,” Sam beamed.

                “Where’s Cas?” she asked.

                “Oh, still in the room talking to Harvey.”

                She froze at the sound of that name. “Harvey? Harvey Specter?” she asked, her attention now fully focused on Sam.

                “Well, yeah… they seem to know each other,” Sam said.

                “What did Harvey say?” she asked.

                “Why do you wanna know?” Sam countered, though by this time, he too, was intrigued.

                Jo retreated, composing herself. “Nothing. I was just curious,” she said, trying to act nonchalant.

                “If I tell you about it, would you tell me how they know each other?”

                “It’s a deal,” Jo said with a wide grin.


                It turned out Harvey and Cas had butted heads several times before in a few cases, and Harvey was so impressed with Cas he actually had the nerve to recruit him for his firm way back when Cas was still an associate. Cas refused, of course, despite the astronomical salary he offered, but ever since then, they’d had this sort of ritual where Harvey would propose a ridiculous amount of money as salary for Cas to join their firm instead and Cas would always refuse.

                “What happens if Cas suddenly up and accepts his proposal?” Sam asked.

                “You really think there’s a chance in hell of that happening?” Jo asked.

                “No. Milton Adler is more than a firm to Cas. This is his family’s—no, his mom’s legacy. He’ll never leave.”

                “Exactly. And they both know it,” Jo said. “Though sometimes it almost feels like they’re flirting when they do this, you know? Like Harvey goes all out on his charm, and Cas stands firm and plays hard to get. It’s like foreplay.”

                Sam’s stomach dropped. “Foreplay? That… that’s ridiculous,” Sam chuckles awkwardly. No way was that guy making the moves on Cas. That’s just wrong. Cas will never choose a guy like that.

                Jo’s eyes actually sparkled at that. “Why, Sam? You jealous?”

                “No. I just think that Harvey guy is a slimeball,” Sam said with a serious expression. “You can never trust a guy who uses that much product on his hair, he almost looks like one of those plastic Ken dolls with perfect plastic hair.”

                Jo nodded. “Right, because freely flowing locks is so much better,” she said, eyeing Sam’s hair with amusement.

                Sam grinned proudly. “Of course.”


                Sam waited for Cas in his office after his little talk with Jo. First of all, Cas was acting all calm and composed like nothing happened. Then Sam found out about this Harvey guy and what he may or may not mean to Cas and… Sam just couldn’t bear the thought of Cas being with someone else. He should be with him. Nobody else knew Cas the way he did, and if that night was any indication, nobody else could make Cas scream like that as well.

                It made Sam feel insanely jealous, and at the same time, insanely frustrated that Cas didn’t seem to be thinking about that night at all. It was like nothing even happened, and this was starting to feel too much like high school all over again. Cas was ignoring Sam’s feelings, pretending nothing happened. And they both know that didn’t go over so well before. Sam would be damned if he let it ruin things this time around.

                So he waited quietly in Cas’ office, thinking of all the things he had to say, and all the things he wanted Cas to say.

Cas was startled when he entered his office and saw Sam there, and Sam was secretly pleased to know that at least Cas wasn’t as calm as he led everyone to believe. He wasn’t, however, delighted with what Cas had to say. “Shouldn’t you be at your desk working?”

                “I thought I’d ask you a few things before I go back to my desk and not see you for the rest of the day,” Sam told him.

                Cas looked at his watch before he sat behind his desk. “Very well. I have five minutes before I meet with another client.”

                This uncaring attitude made Sam infuriated. “Are you pretending nothing happened again?” Sam asked.

                Cas visibly stiffened in his chair. “What are you talking about?” he asked, and Sam huffed out a frustrated sigh.

                “Come on, Cas. This isn’t high school,” he said, standing up from his seat and moving toward Cas’ desk. “We’ve gone through this before. You pretending nothing happened between us is really not the best way to go,” Sam told him.

                Cas looked up and leveled Sam with a stare. “Very well, how do you want this to go then?”

                “Let’s start by you telling me exactly why you kissed me by the alley that night.”

                Shifting in his seat, Cas seemed to think about his words for a second. “Isn’t it enough that it happened? Does it have to matter why I kissed you?”

                “Damn right it has to matter!” Sam said, slamming his hands on Cas’ desk. “I’ve been in love with you for 17 years. 17 fucking years man! That’s more than half my life. And then you go and kiss me and that led to this mind blowing sex that, honestly, was probably the best I’ve ever had… and now, now you’re acting like it was nothing. Like that didn’t mean anything to you. So yeah, of course it matters. It matters to me. Even if it doesn’t matter to you.”

                Cas stared wide-eyed at Sam, like he was surprised by Sam’s outburst and the passion in his words. “Sam… I…” he said. It seemed like a challenge for Cas just to get those words out. “I—“ he tried again, standing from his seat.

                Sam was holding his breath. Cas’ face was suddenly filled with so much intensity, he didn’t know if Cas was about to punch him or kiss him. He was hoping it was the latter.

                “I don’t—“ Cas began.

                “Cas, Mr. Walker is here to see you,” Jo’s voice through the intercom rang in the room.

                “Tell them you’re busy,” Sam suggested. He was determined to get an answer from Cas. A client could wait.

                Cas reluctantly tore his gaze away from Sam and pressed the intercom button. “Give me five minutes,” he told Jo.

                “He says he needs to see you right now. He’s got a plane to catch…” Jo replied.

                “Cas,” Sam insisted.

                Cas seemed to contemplate his options for a couple of seconds. He looked at Sam, then back at the intercom and sighed. “Send him in,” he said. “I have work to do,” he told Sam.

                “Sure,” Sam nodded, his annoyance evident in his voice. “Work always comes first, right?” he asked bitterly.

                Shaking his head, Cas told him, “Not now, Sam.”

                “Then when?” Sam asked.

                “I have work to do,” Cas repeated. “If you can compose yourself enough to get back to your own work, we can discuss this some other time. Tonight, perhaps. But not right now.”

                Sam grinded his teeth. “Fine,” he finally relented. “Tonight,” he said.

               “Tonight,” Cas confirmed.

               Sam walked to the door and passed by Mr. Walker on his way out. He had a feeling Cas might try to avoid talking to him again later, but he won’t let him. He couldn’t wait another 17 years again, not now that he knew Cas may like him too. He found Cas again, and this time, he would do everything he could not to lose him again.



Part 7


Lawrence, Kansas. 2001.


                It wasn’t so bad living without Cas.

               Sometimes he thought about him, what he was doing, what college was like for him. Sometimes while watching some TV show, he’d find himself thinking that Cas would really like the plot or the characters, and wondered if Cas was watching that show too.

               Other times, he hardly thought about Cas at all. He became someone Sam knew a long time ago, simply an old friend that he remembered fondly if he allowed himself to. He didn’t think he missed Cas, not the way you’d miss someone you were in love with… so maybe Cas was right. Maybe he was too young then to know what love was really like. He almost convinced himself of this too, except when Dean talked on the phone with Cas and Sam found himself trying hard not to listen in. Or when Dean told him about an embarrassing thing that happened to Cas in college that involved bees and someone’s car and Sam pretended he didn’t care, even as he silently wished he would’ve seen that for himself instead.

                It wasn’t unbearable, that much was certain.

                He went on with his life, dated Ruby for a few months until he found out she was cheating on him with a guy named Alistair (who the heck would even named their kid Alistair?). They broke up soon after, and he realized he wasn’t as upset about it as he should have been. He won two championships with his high school soccer team and got early admission to Stanford. He spent the last few months of high school just coasting along, readying himself to leave Kansas for the first time in his life and make it on his own in college. It was like he was walking on clouds. Life had never been better for him.

                Until he saw Cas again.

                It wasn’t even some life-changing reunion or anything like that. He was walking to a bus stop with a couple of friends when he ran in to Cas.

                Although Sam had grown a few inches, Cas was still taller than him. He looked a bit older, but the messy hair was the same and so were those big blue eyes that stared back at him in surprise. And suddenly all of the feelings and memories rushed back to him, as if Cas had never been gone.

                “Sam,” Cas gasped.

                “Cas,” Sam said in return. “You guys go on, I’ll catch up,” he told his friends as he stopped in front of Cas.

                Cas smiled tentatively, as if he wasn’t sure if Sam would be happy to see him. “It’s nice to see you,” he said.

                “Yeah, you too,” Sam said. It wasn’t a lie. “So what’re you doing back here in Lawrence?”

                “It’s spring break… I thought I’d visit my dad for a few days,” Cas said.

                “Oh, right. Will you be staying long?” Sam asked.

                “No, I’ll be leaving this afternoon,” Cas said, and he actually looked really disappointed about that.

                Sam, on the other hand, tried not to let his own disappointment show. “Oh, that’s…”

                “Sam!” Andy, one of his friends, called out.

                He looked to their direction and saw the bus had arrived. He thought about staying behind, about catching up with Cas. They weren’t friends anymore, not by a long shot, but maybe they could be again. Maybe they can put everything behind them and—

               “Sam, come on!” Andy called. They were about to get on the bus.

               Sam looked at Andy, then back at Cas, who just smiled and said, “You should go.”

               “Right. Goodbye, then,” Sam said, though he felt a dull pain in his chest when he said that.

                “Goodbye,” Cas said, a bittersweet smile forming on his face.

                Sam nodded and started walking away, despite his mind screaming for him to turn around and get back to Cas. He didn’t know what it was that ultimately made him climb onto that bus. Maybe fear, fear of being rejected by Cas again, fear of going back to being a mess and always thinking about Cas, fear of losing Cas yet again.

                So he stayed on the bus, and looked out the window to watch Cas as he walked away. Even as the bus began to move the opposite direction, his eyes remained on Cas until his figure was nowhere to be seen. He convinced himself this was better for both of them. Cas was better off without someone like Sam in his life, and Sam was better off forgetting the failure of his first love. He didn’t want to go back to that again, he thought. He liked how he was right now. He had moved on.

               Except even that was a lie. He never really moved on. He just wouldn’t realize it until years and years later, when the sight of those big blue eyes would trap him again and make him wish he never let him go at all.




                Sam was a professional. He did all his work quickly and efficiently, but he would be lying if he said that having that talk with Cas later that day was not at the forefront of his thoughts. He was beginning to think their talk wasn’t going to happen at all, until the call came from Cas’ office at 7:30.

               It wasn’t even Jo who called him. Jo had probably gone for the night, and all that Cas said to him was, “Let’s talk.”

               Sam braced himself as he walked down the hallway to Cas’ office. The glass walls were transparent that time, and Sam could see Cas sitting in his desk looking through files even from far away. When he entered, Cas didn’t look up from his reading, but Sam refused to be deterred so he stood in front of Cas’ desk until he looked up.

               “You called?” he said in lieu of a greeting.

               Cas closed the folders in front of him and set them aside on his desk. “Have you finished your work for the day?” he asked.

               “You’re still going to ask me about work, huh?” Sam asked. “Yes. I’m done with my work.”

               “Good,” Cas said with a nod. He leaned back and crossed his legs in front of him. He seemed to take in Sam’s appearance for a few seconds before saying, “I’m sorry.”

               The abruptness of the statement startled Sam for a moment. “What?”

               “My behavior today was inexcusable. I apologize,” he said.


               “I was the one who came on to you at your celebration, and it was entirely my fault that things got… out of hand that night.”

               Sam scoffed. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Out of hand? Are you kidding me?”

               “You were drunk. Even a blind man could see you were inebriated. I was probably intoxicated myself, which was why I took advantage of you and—“

               “Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up a second here…” Sam said, gesturing with his hands for Cas to stop. “You took advantage— Cas what are you talking about? Did you forget the part about me telling you that was the best sex of my life earlier today?”

               Cas rubbed the back of his neck, appearing self-conscious all of a sudden. “I was aware of that… but if we did anything you regretted that night, I apologize completely. It was my fault you didn’t end up going with that woman. The sound of her laughter was grating on my nerves and I found the brazen way she kept her arm on your thigh to be very distasteful,” Cas explained.

               “Wait a sec,” Sam said. “Let me get this straight. You were jealous. That’s it. You were jealous of her.”

               Cas blinked, as if what Sam had said was a startling revelation. “Perhaps,” Cas said. “But that’s not the point. The point is—“

               “The point is we had sex. You liked it. I liked it. That’s all that matters, right?” Sam asked.

               “I suppose…” Cas said, unsure. “You aren’t mad about it then?”

               “Am I mad about it? No, I’m not mad about it,” Sam replied. “I’m just pissed you suddenly decided to act like it didn’t happen. We’ve gone through this in high school. I thought you were ignoring my feelings for you again…”

               “That was not my intention, Sam. I’m sorry,” he said. He stood up from his chair and walked around his desk. He leaned a hip on the edge like he usually did and placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “For what happened today, and for what happened back then. It seems I always end up hurting you,” Cas said, a bittersweet smile on his face.

               “It’s not your fault,” Sam told him.

               Cas withdrew his hand and folded his arms in front of his chest. “When you confessed to me in high school… I was in love with your brother.”

               Sam tried not to flinch. He already knew about Cas’ feelings, but hearing it straight from Cas’ mouth still felt like a knife to the gut. But Sam kept silent, and Cas continued.

                “I was confused and I didn’t know what to do. I thought you were still too young. You didn’t mean what you said. You didn’t know what love was.”

                “That’s where you’re wrong,” Sam said, “I knew what love was. I was in love with you—I still am,” he admitted. He didn’t think twice about saying it because it was the truth. He needed Cas to know it was the truth.

                Cas smiles that same smile full of pity… and guilt. Always so full of guilt. “I know. And I was too blind to see.”

                “Damn right you were,” Sam’s voice was rising a bit in volume. He was beginning to see where this was going.

“You’re like a younger brother to me, Sam. You’ve always been like a brother to me.”

               Oh. He felt the color on his face start to fade. He understood it now. He knew this feeling very well. Grief. He was being rejected again. A bitter smile formed on his face. “Got it. You don’t need to tell me twice,” he said.

                “You’re like a brother to me, Sam,” Cas repeated. “I keep telling myself this, but it’s not working. I wonder why.”

                Suddenly, confusion overtook his grief and hope started to bloom in Sam’s chest. “What are you talking about?”

               “When I saw you again… it was different. I tried telling myself you’re still the same kid I knew before. But you’re not. I can’t see you as a younger brother anymore,” Cas said, looking at Sam’s face with eyes bright with emotion.

               And again, Sam understood it.

               “You like me,” Sam said in disbelief.

               Cas frowned and cocked his head to the side . “Of course I like you.”

               “No,” Sam corrected, a smile beginning to form on his face. “Cas… you like me like me.”

               Cas laughed. “Like you like you?”

               Sam wanted to jump and scream. “Yes! You do!” he said, face brimming with joy. “Unless you wanna say you love me, instead… coz if you do—“

                Cas suddenly grabbed Sam’s tie and yanked him down for a kiss.

                It was like being hit with a bolt of lightning, the feeling so intense it left Sam shocked for a full second… until his brain started functioning again and he kissed back, grabbing Cas’ waist with both hands and crowding him to his desk until Cas had nowhere to go but to sit on it while Sam devoured his mouth.

                This was so much better than that kiss in the alley, and Sam wanted to tear Cas’ suit away and just have him on his desk right then and there, make him scream loud enough for the whole office to hear.

                He nipped at Cas’ bottom lip and thrust his hips experimentally, making Cas moaned into the kiss. He was already half hard just from the kissing, and he could feel Cas getting there as well. Just a little more and—

                “Not to cockblock or anything…” Jo’s voice rang through the room, startling both Sam and Cas and making them break away abruptly. Cas still had his hand around Sam’s tie as he glared daggers at the intercom on his table as Jo went on. “…but you do know your windows aren’t set to privacy mode,” Jo informed them.

                Both men looked to the glass wall to see Jo waving at them from her desk, a mischievous grin on her face.

                “Not that I mind the show, you know… because man have I been waiting for this for weeks! But you might wanna spare other people from the visuals, hmm?” she said.

                “I thought you had left for the day,” Cas said. “What are you doing back here?”

                “I forgot my wallet,” Jo said, waving her wallet at them. “No, seriously guys, feel free to continue… just don’t forget to press that tiny button that makes the glass go white. Michael Milton just walked by and nearly saw you two… do you really want your uncle to see you two making out? Yeah, I thought so.”

                Cas was still looking at Jo with an unimpressed expression that Sam found comical. He chuckled. “Thanks, Jo,” Sam said.

                “Oh no, the pleasure was all mine,” she said with a wink.

               Cas hopped down from his table and walked toward the wall switch. “Goodbye, Jo,” Cas said before pressing the button and making the glass opaque. He also went to his door and locked it for good measure.

               Sam’s heart started pounding faster in anticipation as Cas turned around and walked toward him.

               “Now where were we?” Cas asked, before pulling Sam down again for another kiss.



Part 8


Lawrence, Kansas 1998. Summer.


               “Where’s Sam?” Cas asked as he hauled the last of his bags in the car. He was taking an afternoon flight to New York, and Dean was at his house to see him off.

               “I told him you were leaving today, but he said he was busy,” Dean said. “You know that kid, once he starts doing something, he can’t leave it alone until he’s done.”

               “Right,” Cas said in agreement. He can’t help but feel disappointed that Sam wasn’t there to see him off. “Give this to him for me then…” he said, pulling out a small box from his coat pocket and handing                it to Dean.

               “What’s this?” Dean asked.

               “It’s a really late birthday present. I forgot to give him one this year.”

               “Oh, okay,” Dean said as he pocketed the box. “You ready to go?” he asked.

               Cas nodded. “I’m ready.”


New York, 1998. Autumn.


               “Is Sam there?” Cas asked while he was on the phone with Dean.

               “Yeah, he’s here. He’s doing some homework in the dining room. You know he only grew an inch this summer? Most of his classmates are starting to tower over him.”

               Cas smiled as he looked out of his window. “He’ll grow eventually. I mean, you grew tall too.”

               “Yeah, but when we were that age, we were taller.”

               “He’s a baby moose, remember? He’ll grow.”


Lawrence, Kansas. 1998. Autumn.


                “Where’s Sam?” Cas asked Dean as they sat around in the Winchesters’ living room.

                “He’s out with his friends,” Dean said. “Won’t be back until midnight.”

                “Oh,” Cas said, trying not to sound too disappointed.

               “Dude, will you be back for Christmas?”

                “It depends,” Cas said. “Maybe Dad will just fly out to New York. Spend the Christmas there instead. He actually gets along really well with my uncle.”

                “Oh, okay. So you and your dad got plans for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow or…?”

                “Yeah. I’m cooking for my dad. As usual.”


New York, 1999. Spring.


                “Sam scored a goal in the Championship game? That’s great,” Cas said happily over the phone. He flipped through his book uninterestedly as he listened to Dean.

                “Yeah. Kid’s got talent for the sport. Definitely better than me,” Dean said proudly.

                “I wish I could’ve watched the game…”


New York. 1999. Autumn.


                “Sam and Ruby?” Cas asked.

               “Yeah,” Dean confirmed.

               Cas felt a pang in his gut… like he had lost Sam for good. He didn’t know why he felt that way. He should be happy for Sam. Happy that he found somebody else…

               “I never liked that Ruby girl. She looks like trouble,” Dean said.

                “I’m sure...” Cas paused, moving his phone from one ear to the next and trying quell that uneasy feeling in his stomach. “I’m sure she’s great. Sam did pick her.”

                “Meh,” Dean made a noncommittal sound. “He could’ve done much better.”


New York. 2000. Spring


                “She left Sam… for a guy named Alistair?” Cas asked incredulously.

                “I know. Who even names their kid Alistair anyway?” Dean asked. “I knew that girl was trouble.”

                “How is he handling it?” Cas asked. He felt sorry for Sam, but at the same time, oddly relieved that Ruby didn’t turn out to be the perfect match for him. And now he felt terrible for even thinking that. He didn’t know what was wrong with him.

                “He was angry for a little while… but he seems to be taking it really well,” Dean commented. “Seems like he doesn’t even care.”



Lawrence, Kansas. 2001. Spring.


                Cas saw Sam from afar. He wanted to eat burgers at his favorite place, but the moment he got there, he spotted Sam sitting at a booth by the window, laughing with his friends.

                He watched him for a little while, admiring how much he had grown since he last saw him. If he stood up, maybe he was almost the same height as Cas. He felt proud, for some reason. And oddly saddened. “You’ve grown a lot, baby moose,” he said to no one in particular.

                He didn’t end up getting any burgers.


                He ran into Sam later that day, and the surprised look on his face made his heart ache. He suddenly realized how much he missed Sam, and how much he wished he could turn back time and become friends with him again. Memories of all the times they spent together, watching TV, doing homework, or kicking the ball in the yard, it all came flooding back, and Cas felt like he never wanted to leave again.

                Then Sam’s friend called out to him and the spell was broken.

                They could never go back. He lost Sam a long time ago.




               Dean was visiting for the weekend.

               Sam and Cas decided to treat him to a steak dinner at Carver’s Place. The look on Dean’s face was priceless when he saw the menu.

               “$160? Dude, are you kidding me? What is this, meat from cows fed with gold plated grass? I might get indigestion from this.”

               “Relax, Dean,” Sam said, grinning. “You’re not paying for any of this, so chow down.”

               Dean looked at the two of them skeptically. “Well, alright,” he said before taking his first bite. He groaned obscenely, “This is… ugh, this is heaven.”

               Cas smiled as he sipped his wine.

               “Perks of having a lawyer brother and a lawyer friend, huh?” Dean asked, as he ate another piece enthusiastically.

               “Cas and I are dating,” Sam suddenly blurted out.

               Dean choked on his steak. “What?!” he managed to get out before chugging down a glass of water.

               Cas frowned as he looked at Sam. “I believe when you said you were going to take care of this, that you actually had a plan instead of just randomly blurting it out.”

               Sam shrugged. “I know my brother, okay? He’ll think you’re joking unless you say it straight to the point,” Sam said.

               “Wait, wait, wait, just wait a minute here…” Dean said, waving his hands wildly in front of him to stop the two from talking. “You’re going out? Seriously?” he asked with a comically incredulous look on his face.

               “Seriously,” Sam said.

               Dean looked at Sam’s expectant face, then at Cas’ serious one, back and forth like he was still trying to process what they were saying. “So. You two?” he asked.

               “Yeah,” Sam confirmed. “So, are you gonna give us your blessing or not?” Sam asked.

               “Blessing?” Dean said in disbelief. “Why the heck would you need my blessing? You’re free to do whatever you want, man.”

               “Does this mean you’re fine with me having a relationship with your brother?” Cas asked.

               “Sure!” Dean said, his face splitting into a wide grin. “This is awesome news, man!” Dean said, reaching across the table to pat Sam and Cas on the shoulder. “I mean, you couldn’t have picked a better person. Cas is great!”

               “Thank you for your vote of confidence, Dean,” Cas said seriously.

               “Oh shit!” Dean cursed all of a sudden.

               “What?” Sam asked in concern. Dean didn’t suddenly remember a reason why he’d have to object to Sam and Cas’ relationship, right? The look of alarm on Dean’s face made Sam feel cold all over.

               “Lisa’s got the seating arrangements all planned out for the reception. Now she’s gonna have to do it again so you two can sit together,” Dean said, dread painting his face white with each word. “This is gonna be hell.”

               Sam breathed a sigh of relief and chuckled. “You’ll figure something out,” Sam reassured Dean.

               “You don’t understand,” Dean mumbled, even as he continued eating. “Lisa gets this possessed look on her face when it comes to the wedding preparations… oh this steak is so good…”

               Cas smiled, and Sam sensed his posture relax a bit when Dean reacted positively to their news. “This is going better than you expected?” Sam asked Cas quietly.

               “I imagined he’d do a whole ‘you make my baby brother cry and I’ll kill you’ speech, but this is much better indeed,” Cas answered, voice soft enough for only Sam to hear.

               “Come to think of it,” Dean said as he turned to Cas, “I should thank you actually because for a long time I was worried Sam wasn’t gonna find anyone, you know? ‘Cause none of his relationships ever lasted. Bunch of one night stands… It was terrible.”

               Sam gave Cas an embarrassed look and turned to Dean, “Okay, Dean, we get it…”

               “He even slept with his law school rival once. Brady, was it?”

               “Dean please!” Sam said in alarm.

               “Brady?” Cas said, frowning. “Isn’t that—“

               Sam chuckled nervously. “I was a first year. Not my brightest moment,” Sam tried to explain.

                “And I guess I never realized until now why you always asked about Sam when we talk on the phone, Cas,” Dean went on.

               It was Cas’ turn to be embarrassed, and Sam couldn’t help the amused smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. “You asked about me?” he asked him.

               “Oh yeah, he asked about you a lot. I remember how heartbroken he was when you two fought or something and you started avoiding him,” Dean revealed.

               “You were?” Sam asked in disbelief.

               The embarrassment on Cas’ face increased tenfold and Sam had to stop himself from grabbing Cas and dragging him to the comfort room so he could explain while Sam got him naked and had his way with him in the stall.

               “How come I never knew about this before?” Sam asked Dean.

               But before Dean could answer, Cas had presented him the only thing that could shut him up. “Dessert menu, Dean? They have a great selection of pies.”

               Dean’s face absolutely lit up. “Pie?”

               Sam looked at Cas with an amused expression. “He’s not even finished eating yet, why are you showing him pie?”

               “Dude, gimme that,” Dean said, grabbing the menu from Cas’ fingers and perusing the pie selection, the earlier track of their conversation long gone from his mind.

               Sam leaned back in his seat and chuckled in defeat. “You win this one,” he told Cas.

               “Don’t worry,” Cas said as he continued eating his own meal. “I’ll make it up to you later at home,” he said, and just then Sam felt Cas’ hand rest against his thigh.

               “I’m counting on it,” Sam said with a smirk that only got bigger when Cas’ hand started moving up his thigh.

               Now he couldn’t wait to get rid of Dean and go home. Maybe he can get away with letting Dean sleep in his apartment while he slept in Cas’ tonight. It was a challenge he was definitely more than willing to go through.