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Heads of Stiles and Scott leaning close, almost kissing.

 

 

Listen, Scott, I had an idea.

Not again.

No, hey, listen. Scott, man, this is important, really.

Yeah? So what is it?

We should totally practice kissing.

Kissing?

Yeah, totally. I need the practice, man. Also to see if we're gay.

Me?  You want to practice kissing me ?

Yeah. What are best friends for?

Not for kissing practice, Jeez.

No hey, really, man, it's perfect. Totally safe.

It's not  perfect, and it's not safe. It's insane . . . Also I don't need to see if I'm gay. I'm not gay.

Aw, c'mon. Everyone's a little gay. You might be gay, who knows?

Stiles, I'm not gay. Not even a little.

How d'you know unless you try?

I know.

Well I still think we should check it out. Otherwise you'll always wonder.

Wonder what?

If you're gay. You'll never be sure. It'll eat away at you.

I think this is you we’re talking about. Not me.

Totally! Which is why we need to practice kissing.

What? Why?

To put me out of my misery. Otherwise I'll always wonder. Seriously, we need to try it.

Can't you practice with Danny?

He won't. he just laughs and fucks off.

Yeah, wonder why.

He's not my best friend, though. You are. You're not allowed to laugh at me and fuck off.

I totally am. Watch me.

No, hey, man, don't be a jerk. This is something I need to do.

Oh man, you're not gonna give up, are you?

Nope.

You're gonna go on and on and on about it.

Yep.

Fuck . . . . Oh all right. Let's get it over with.

Oh no, hey, that's totally the wrong attitude.

Attitude?

Yeah. You gotta go into this with an open mind or it's not a fair test.

I don't have an open mind. My mind is not open.

Well, jeez. That's totally obvious.

You can force me to practice kissing but you can't force me to have an open mind, Stiles.

You say that like it's a good thing. At least give me a chance to change your mind.

I don't want you to change it. It's my mind. I like it how it is.

Look, Scott, you have to at least be neutral.

Neutral?

Yeah, you gotta go into the kiss with an attitude of neutrality.

You've been reading those Poli Sci books again, haven't you? You know they're not good for you.

It's for a pop quiz, and don't change the subject. About the kiss. Shirts off or on?

Oh my God. Why would we take our shirts off?

I'm not sure it's a fair test if we're totally clothed.

You want us to kiss with our shirts off? No way.

Yes, way. That'll sort this issue out once and for all. We definitely need to take them off. You've convinced me.

What? This is your lunatic idea, all of it.

You'll thank me later. When we know for sure. Okay, so no shirts. We're gonna test this to the max.

Stiles, this is . . . I can't even.

We have to do this, Scott. This is important knowledge for the rest of our lives. We gotta test the fuck out of this thing. Test it to destruction.

I'll test you to destruction!

Yeah! Exactly! That's the attitude.

Oh my God. Just, can we get it the fuck over with? Before you think up any more crazy shit.

Okay, sure. Shirts off, then.

Right. Shirts off. I was planning to take a shower, but . . .

No, no, no. No showers. We need all the pheromones we can get.

Pheromones? Oh, man, I don't wanna know.

Okay. Hmm, It's a little cool in here but I think it'll be fine. Your mom's out, right?

Yeah, she's on evening shift this week. Stiles, are you stalling?

No, no, totally not stalling, just making sure we're all set.

And are we?

Oh yeah, absolutely. We're set.

 . . . 

So how should we do this. Sitting? On the couch?

Nope. I think just like this, standing up.

Just, just lean in, you mean?

Yeah, like. . . oh, hey. You closed your eyes.

Stiles, I always close my eyes.

Really? I always open them. Don't wanna miss anything.

You're not gonna miss anything. We're doing a test kiss and then once we've proved we're not gay we'll put our shirts on and go out for pizza.

Now, see, this is what I meant about not having an open mind. That's not the right attitude, Scott.

Not the attitude crap again. I swear, I'm gonna kiss you just to shut you up!

Oh yeah?

Yeah!

So what're you waiting for? Why don't you make me shut up then, if it—mmfph!—mmmmmm, nnnngh . . . . . . oh my God, that's amazing!

Still with the not shutting up. C'mere again.

Oh . . . . oh my . . . . . .

Jesus, Stiles. Fuck.

Yeah . . . oh . . . Scott

 . . .  

Oh, man. Stiles, I can't get my breath . . . Fuck . . . You think that was enough? For the test?

Not sure. I think we need more data. Turn your head a little.

More data, yeah . . . Ohhh. Oh, do that again. With your tongue, yeah.

Maybe the couch?

Definitely the couch.

I think the no shirts idea was absolutely the way to go.

Oh yeah, that was one of your better plans. Hold still while I . . .

Mmmmmm . . . We could try it without pants?

Without pants?

Too soon? I'm inclined to rush things, as you know.

As I know, yeah. No, I think we could definitely try that, but first I wanna . . .

 . . . God! Scott, yeah, please . . .

Still think my attitude sucks?

Oh man, don't talk about sucking, I'm almost . . . nnng . . . oh yeah, there!

Together, c'mon, Stiles. Oh, you're so . . .

Scott, I can't, please, I have to . . . yeah, oh . . . oh!

 . . . 

 . . . 

 . . . 

Man, I could really use that pizza now.

I'm not going out in this state, Stiles.

We could order in? Yeah, we'll order in.

No anchovies.

Well, of course no anchovies.

Get extra cheese.

Yeah, yeah, extra cheese.

I'm gonna take a nap until it comes.

Put your head here, yeah, in my lap, like that.

Mmmm. Nice.

Yeah.

Stiles?

Yeah?

This was a good idea.

The test?

Yeah, that.

I thought so. Go to sleep, Scott.

Okay.

 

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