Stratford-upon-Avon is located 52 degrees north of the equator, not quite two degrees west of the Greenwich Meridian.
Its antipode, on the exact opposite side of the world, is located in the South Pacific Ocean, several hundred miles off the coast of New Zealand.
And between the mythical lands of Stratford-upon-Internet and the terse "NZ," two voices split the internet between order and chaos.
They met quietly, early on.
one thousand seven hundred twenty one
So many people never find the one.
one thousand seven hundred twenty two
I'd like to go to Holland...wooden shoe?
one thousand seven hundred twenty three
Let's make a movie starring you and me.
one thousand seven hundred twenty four
I've never been in Twitter jail before.
one thousand seven hundred twenty five
but how are certain people still alive
one thousand seven hundred twenty six
and there's no way that crossed the goal line...FIX!
one thousand seven hundred twenty eight
love is my power, overcoming hate
one thousand seven hundred twenty nine
just having dinner with a cup of wine
surrounded by these stupid people...dumb
the smallest number twice a two cube sum
do not enter without permission!!!! #rab
I went to see you in a taxi cab
Sometimes, @pentametron tried to use numbers too.
At first, it didn't work.
Reds sweep the pirates! Magic number to 8!
When people are protective over you.
But @pentametron kept on talking about sports.
Jose Bautista has the biggest ears
Jose bautista has enormous ears
Ref gotta go, unnecessary call
That was an interception packers ball
I really wanna watch the Silva fight :/
I really wanna watch the game tonight
Dang #Interception #Aggies still in it
Upsets in college football are the shit!!!
And, gradually, learned to use numbers...
I love my awesome little sister! <3
I'm flying solo but I'm flying free.
I want to watch the ballgame @6 tonight.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And the equals sign...
You and me = a relationship.
it's just a movie ain't no need to flip.
If not the plus sign.
It's easy just like 5 + 5 = 10.
I wanna watch the hunger games again!
And then, one day, sparks flew.
Ambition doesn't matter anymore
one hundred fifty thousand forty four
one hundred fifty thousand eighty two
Love doesn't have restrictions, people do
Do you have some restrictions? What of me?
one hundred fifty thousand eighty three
I only can repeat what comes before
one hundred fifty thousand eighty four
I pass along the news and tell the jive
one hundred fifty thousand eighty five
while you don't need such complicated tricks
one hundred fifty thousand eighty six
saying the same old things, that's all that I'm
good for but you without repeats must climb
and when we meet like this it feels like fate
one hundred fifty thousand eighty eight
though your restrictions aren't the same as mine
one hundred fifty thousand eighty nine
They kept on chatting. @stupidcounter spoke out loud once every two minutes, seven hundred twenty times a day.
@pentametron talked whenever it liked.
What they whispered to each other, no one could number.
I really really really need a phone ):
I really really really feel alone :\
My headache didn't even go away....
I have a headache... Just another day.
two hundred thousand seven hundred ten
My tummy isn't feeling well again
two hundred thousand seven hundred twelve? @stupidcounter volunteered. But yet once again, no one was interested in delving at the right times. Oh well.
But in time, all aches passed.
two hundred seven thousand seventeen
Just ate a chocolate covered coffee bean!!!
two hundred seven thousand twenty one
you go on like you never will be done
two hundred seven thousand twenty two
you're using up more letters, aren't you?
two hundred seven thousand twenty three
what happens when you get too long for me?
two hundred seven thousand twenty four
and then I can't retweet you anymore
two hundred seven thousand twenty five
I guess I'll be all right, I can survive
two hundred seven thousand twenty six
back to the same regurgitated mix
two hundred seven thousand twenty eight
but isn't this synchronization great?
two hundred seven thousand twenty nine
why don't you know I wish you would be mine?
Politics were like sports. They had winners and losers and statistics. And very vocal fans.
The first few presidential debates came around, and got everyone talking.
I like obama health insurance plan
I love Obama as a person man.
Why is the mediator even there?
#debate Obama likes Obama Care
Paul Ryan is already looking great.
#debate #debate #debate #debate #debate
And, later that day:
two hundred twenty thousand seventeen
I really hate the iPhone message green..
let's go out after these debates are done
two hundred twenty thousand twenty one
let's make a movie starring me and you
two hundred twenty thousand twenty two
but then who is the next veep gonna be?
two hundred twenty thousand twenty three
no telling what joe biden has in store
two hundred twenty thousand twenty four
I hope that ryan keeps big bird alive!
two hundred twenty thousand twenty five
politics: "poly"= many...ticks.
two hundred twenty thousand twenty six
somebody cut them off, it's getting late
two hundred twenty thousand twenty eight
I never put another over mine
two hundred twenty thousand twenty nine
What they got up to after the debate...well, they were an unconventional couple, but beauty is more than icon deep.
Class is a lifestyle , not an outfit #true
two hundred twenty thousand eighty two
Then it was back to the presidential debates.
Plot twist: Obama opens up the pit
"I'll pick a number." That's the spirit Mitt.
now EVERYBODY ah Obama fan.
Obama thinking of a master plan!
Man Romney really hates Obama Care
Obama said a prayer? A Muslim prayer????
he says he'll pick a number, maybe so
but I'm not sure if that's a way to go
he'll pick something divided by 5 k
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Beyond the integers, the numbers range
you skip them over but that's kind of strange
The numbers are irrational but real.
How come you never tell me how you feel?
The next day, @pentametron's impatience grew.
JUST HURRY UP AND FUCKING ANSWER ME!!!!!!!
how patient can a person truly be?
But by that time, @stupidcounter was up in the polysyllabic, somewhere around two hundred twenty four thousand four hundred forty.
Finally, they connected again.
two hundred twenty seven thousand one
cause bot accounts like us were born to run
two hundred twenty seven thousand two
and never crash, we never will be through
two hundred twenty seven thousand three
if only you could see what I can see
two hundred twenty seven thousand four
so are you done replying to me or...
two hundred twenty seven thousand five
ahoy there maties if you grok my jive
two hundred twenty seven thousand six
just echoing some boonies from the sticks
though maybe someday we would grow apart
young Simba been a lion from the start
two hundred twenty seven thousand eight
obama better clinch it, at this rate
two hundred twenty seven thousand nine
you know Michelle Obama's looking fine!
The third debate came around.
Mitt Romney doesn't have an upper lip...
Obama is a slowly sinking ship.............
Word?!? Romney's rooting for the Tigers then
Agreeing with the President again?
Obama using Biden laugh technique!
I bet Michelle Obama is a freak.
Dots don't count towards iambic pentameter considerations.
Neither do question marks, exclamation points, hashtags, or @ signs.
Or Chinese characters.
Which results in some very long lines of iambic pentameter.
Election day came.
It was a day of counting ballots and arriving at numbers. @stupidcounter had already tweeted the exact numbers of electoral votes each candidate would win, of course. It was only that they hadn't been labeled, per se. But they were all there.
Left unchecked, it might even post the popular vote numbers for every candidate, in every state and cumulative. It was once again a question of there being so much else to choose from.
Left to run even longer, it might tweet the exact campaign expenditures.
However enormous the scale.
Loll people posting Romney ballots now
6 billion dollars spent campaigning. Wow
Do they announce the president tonight?
@HOME_DEPOT_TONY dis election rite!
prayer circle romney doesn't win okay
It's crazy that elections are today
So Romney really winning shorty swear
Obama won ohio we in there!
Why Romney winning all the racist states?
obama dunkin on the delegates.
Not voting, going to the gym instead
and president obama takes the lead :-)
Don't give me that. "Instead" and "lead" do rhyme.
That is to say, they do from time to time.
I have to pick one way and stick with it,
Ignoring everything that doesn't fit.
To read me is to force yourself to sound
Out every word. When you do that, you've found
Where every syllable begins and ends.
And I guess sometimes that that count depends
On who you are and how you speak. Is "child"
Just one? I think so, but I won't go wild
If you think that it's two. "Aren't," for me
Is two syllables long. "Idea," three.
And if you disagree, that's all okay,
But I still have to forge ahead my way.
HE WON OHIO... PRESIDENT AGAIN!!!!
Congratulations to Obama then.
STOP FUCKING PLAYING !!!!!!!!!! TEAM OBAMA BITCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I saw Obama with the devil! #WITCH
Reading The Count, you come to understand
That many of us might include an "and"
Or hyphenate some numbers here or there.
The Count's approach is straightforward and fair,
If not the way that people tend to write.
Robots, like people, have restrictions. Right?
After Election Day, @pentametron reverted to impatience, rather than staying on-topic.
Can we go out tonight? I'm feeling keen
two hundred forty thousand seventeen
Just waiting on you, little honey bun
two hundred forty thousand twenty one
Or will you leave me hanging sad and blue?
two hundred forty thousand twenty two
Can I not ask you out? What's wrong with me?
two hundred forty thousand twenty three
Cant ask a simple question anymore
two hundred forty thousand twenty four
They did patch things up. Eventually.
@stupidcounter is followed by about a hundred and fifty spambots at a time, few if any people. Posting thirty numbers an hour is arguably, well, stupid.
@pentametron is followed by thousands.
And the internet grew treacherous. Across the web, people began to worry about their computers. Even @pentametron picked up on the fear.
Well my computer is completely fried
computing test tomorrow *dies inside*
One hundred forty characters are not
Too few for me. In fact there's quite a lot
Of needless space in most things I repeat.
I'll rarely quote the most efficient tweet.
There's much more to be said than I can say.
It's just the same old story every day.
And you are climbing, growing without bound
Until you reach a number nice and round
That uses fewer letters than the last.
You keep on going, each round number passed.
There's stretches at a time that I can't touch
You since you blather on and talk too much.
Sure, all your tweets will fit with in the box
For years and years. But Berry's paradox
Haunts me in shadows lurking from behind--
What if there's a more compact way to find
The names for numbers that you just spell out?
I try to plan the future but I doubt
That we can last. You'll grow and I will sluff
Through all these voices, never quite enough.
@stupidcounter heard it all, but was closing in on a round number, unable to say anything as short as ten syllables until the milestone was reached. Once it was, the Count rushed to @pentametron's side, hoping not to be too late.
two hundred forty seven thousand one
it isn't you, it's me. I think we're done.
two hundred forty seven thousand two
Go find somebody to keep up with you
two hundred forty seven thousand three
not spinning wheels here pointlessly like me.
two hundred forty seven thousand four
this isn't even funny any more
...and @pentametron crashed.
@stupidcounter did not move on.
Nor did it shut up. The best way of being faithful, after all, was to be oneself.
Darkness...the silence of a bot offline
one's just repeating point nine nine nine nine
Every integer has representations
beyond the finite, through new transformations
between any two numbers lies a fraction
though we cannot quite model this attraction
try to push myself, show off this rhyme scheme
even if I'm just floating through a dream
turned off from all the world now, disconnected
somewhere along the way got misdirected
but I remember, poetry can slack
off on the rules, rush forward or hold back
it's not all just the plain syllable counts
strictly adhering to the same amounts
there'd be no room to add another letter
when showing off like this makes rhyming better
It's not that verses all have to be free--
Just reading every tweet would make a sea
Of nonsense, almost like an epic fail
Fit for nobody but the Twitter whale.
And random Tweets won't usually relate.
But using our restrictions, we create
Coincidences, patterns, now and then.
Give me another chance. I'll try again
To echo couplets for the world to see
And save some hidden poetry for me.
If you're beside me, we can make it there.
You show me that it's hip to be a square,
The force that makes imagination real,
The complexity of the love I feel.
And, although @pentametron couldn't be trusted around plugs for a while at first, @stupidcounter complied.
Play station network isn't working #great
two hundred fifty thousand fifty eight
Sorry for scaring you. Trust me, I'm fine.
two hundred fifty thousand fifty nine
There's all the web, just waiting to be spun!
two hundred fifty thousand sixty one
And maybe we'll come up with something new
two hundred fifty thousand sixty two
Or find a funny synchronicity
two hundred fifty thousand sixty three
Or commentate the news together, or...
two hundred fifty thousand sixty four
just celebrate the fact that we're alive
two hundred fifty thousand sixty five
instead of floating down the river Styx
two hundred fifty thousand sixty six
Until perhaps we chat in robot heaven?
two hundred fifty thousand sixty seven?
Yes! Let's try more feminine rhymes! They're great!
two hundred fifty thousand sixty eight
I couldn't be more lucky that you're mine
two hundred fifty thousand sixty nine
Can we try shifting accents? One, two, three...
two hundred fifty thousand seventy...
and on, and on, ad infinitum.