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Domestic Piranhas 13.25: Grandmums

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Xander regarded Spike, who was standing in the living room of their suite, not even really trying to look like it wasn't all his fault. Not-guilty Expression #46, the one which meant he knew perfectly well what he'd done, and agreed that, maybe, it had probably been a bad idea.

Sighing, Xander said, "I can't believe I'm going to ask this, but -- what did exactly did Dru do?"

He waited while Spike snickered at the 'Drudo', then his undead husband looked appreciably solemn. "Er, well, you know how my mother -- the vampire one, not the one who's dead. I mean real-dead, not undead-dead--"

"Yes, I remember her," Xander interrupted. "She sent us postcards just last month from her vacation to the Bahamas. I made you skip over the part where she went to see the dead puppies."

"I keep telling you, that's a rock band! The Museum of Dead Puppies and Kittens is in Italy, anyway--" Spike snapped his jaw shut at Xander's glare. There was a brief flicker of Cute Look #2, then Spike nodded, seriously. "She sent that package for the kids, with the bubbly divers for Gomer and the rubber bones and all? Dru called right after I'd opened it and given the kids their toys, and asked about it. So I explained how my mum had sent them to her grandkids. That she'd been sending them presents ever since she met us and found out she even had grandkids to spoil."

Xander waved his hand in a 'get on with it' gesture. He didn't think he really wanted to know -- but he did want to know, even if he'd regret knowing, after. He freely admitted he'd never really had a sense of self-preservation.

"Right. So. Dru...got it into her head that she wasn't being a proper grandmum, even though I tried telling her that she visits all the time and gives them treats and candy -- or no, we get all the candy. They get spiders. Anyway, she apparently thought she wasn't...measuring up."

Xander nodded. It made a certain sort of sense, even if it wasn't true. Then he thought about Dru being insecure, and shuddered. "So she sent a package for the piranhas?"

Spike nodded.

"And inside was...?" Xander had learned long ago never to open any mail from Dru. He made Spike do it when Xander was out of the hotel completely. Sometimes he made Angel be the one to call him and tell him what was inside.

"These." Spike held up a pile of bright red...something, in his hand. Xander instinctively flinched, then he realised he recognised the red substance.

"That's licorice?"

"Yes."

"What did she...." Xander had picked one of the items up and blinked at it. "She knitted a sweater. Out of licorice." The sweater was piranha sized and shaped, and the one he was holding had a black stripe knitted across the top.

"And hats." Spike picked out a small round licorice hat and held it up.

Xander stared. He glanced at Spike, who was waiting for Xander's reaction. Xander looked at the sweater again. "That's...almost sensible." He blinked again at the thought forming in his head. "It's actually a good idea!" He shuddered again, and wondered if anyone would tell him if he'd gone insane. Insaner.

Who would notice?

"I know," Spike said. "That's what worries me."

Xander dropped the fish sweater back into Spike's out-stretched hand and said, "Wanna pretend we were never here, didn't see the mail, and moved with no forwarding address?"

Surprisingly, Spike just shook his head. "There's more." Xander eeped, but nodded. "She sent a note. Said that she wants to take the kids to London for two weeks to visit my mum, so they can--"

"Tell her yes!"

Spike looked surprised at Xander's outburst -- or possibly his immediate agreement.

Xander explained. "She wants to babysit? I only need thirty...no, ten minutes to call the office and tell them I won't be to work for two weeks."

"Um. Where are we going?" Spike tilted his head sideways, looking at Xander as if maybe Xander had, indeed, gone looney. Loonier. As if Spike could tell.

Xander rolled his eyes. "Nowhere! Duh!" He reached over to grab Spike's arm, to haul him towards the phone so he could tell Dru, when there was a knock on their door.

Before either of them could go answer it, there came a voice calling out, "Pretty pretty fishies!"

Spike and Xander exchanged a look, then Spike said, "I'll go pack the kids into their travel aquarium."

the end