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How It All Started

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Chapter 1: How it all started

His body pins mine against the wall and his mouth covers mine. Hands, fingers, and tongues are everywhere. There is nothing better than sex after a hectic week and knowing that this is wrong, oh so wrong. But I can’t make it a sick way I know this is meant to be, and that she doesn’t belong with him. You might be thinking why I didn’t realize this sooner- well, the truth is, I didn’t plan to fall in love with him. Clothes are strewn about the room as our tongues fight for dominance. 
“I want on top.” He growls. 
“Not if I can help it.” I pant back.
“Fight you for it.” He replies, and before I can say ‘deal’ he’s inside me and I am distracted.
“what? No teasing today?” I manage to gasp. 
“it’s been too long.” He replies mid groan.
It worked. I managed to distract him. As I flip us over I grind myself against him and I fuse my mouth to his. 
This isn’t the first time.


It all started on the train ride to Hogwarts at the beginning of this year. I realized that somewhere along the line I fell in love with James Potter. The problem? He has a girlfriend.

She’s pretty; okay well gorgeous really, with long straight black hair and ocean blue eyes- nothing compared to my unruly red hair and emerald green eyes, but more of a girl for Sirius or Remus. Did I mention that she’s an intelligent Ravenclaw? And that she loves to party and have a good time? Oh, and to top it all off, she loves Quidditch.

Over the years James and I have had our disagreements but at the end of sixth year he apologized and after writing through the summer we became friends, and strangely enough, we were both appointed Heads this year.

So anyways, back to the situation at hand. I was sitting in the Marauder compartment after our first ever Heads meeting which went quite well, talking with Remus and Alice while Sirius and Peter were playing exploding snap when in strolls James with Gabrielle Steele. None of us thought anything of it when James invited her to sit with us. That is, until I noticed him whispering in her ear and her stealing kisses.

Alice gives me a questioning look as I lean forward to Remus.

“Remus,” I whisper.

“Yes Lily?”

“What’s with James and Gabrielle?” I frown.

“I have no idea; he never mentioned having a girlfriend. I thought he was still chasing after you- especially after you’ve been so close.”

“Oh” I contemplated that for a moment- then:

“Sirius!” I whisper, trying to ignore the whispers and giggles of the two people sitting to the left of me.

“Yes Lily flower?”

“Surely James told you about his endeavours.”

Sirius shakes his head. “Sorry Lily, he never said a word. Like Remus, I thought he still wanted you. But hey, this is good isn’t it? Now you’re free from his attempts at a date, and we’re free of his complaints.” He pauses for a moment, “Wait, you don’t fancy him now do you?” he asks, dropping his voice.

Before I can answer, James interrupts. “What are you guys whispering about over there?” Nice of him to notice, I think bitterly. I look him square in the eyes and say “Oh, you know, the usual, helping Remus, Sirius, and Peter plan pranks” before turning my head, flipping my hair over my shoulder and discreetly nodding my head yes at Sirius. Alice catches this and snickers as I give Sirius a ‘tell-him-and-you’ll-never-have-children’ look.


That night after the welcome feast, and meeting with Dumbledore about our new Head duties, James and I head off to find our head’s dorm. Once I am settled in, I make my way to our shared common room, and exhausted I flop on the love seat in front of the fire. Shortly, James dashes down the stairs and dives onto the love seat crushing me into the cushions.

For a moment I am stunned. James Potter has a girlfriend; and now he’s straddling me. And Merlin he smells delicious! His hazel eyes bore into mine, and I am drowning in the pools of chocolate gold. He leans in, and just as our mouths are about to meet he seems to come to his senses and pulls back abruptly.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking” he stammers. He’s running his hand through his hair; something I would love to do.

I examine him for a moment contemplating all that just happened.

“Don’t worry about it. It was an accident.” I say, unsure if it was or not. Personally it seemed more like a lapse in judgement. He is silent and looking at the floor.

“James?” I ask unsure.

“Yeah?” he slowly brings his gaze to meet mine.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were dating Gabrielle?”

“I guess it never really occurred to me, I mean we’re friends now, right? And I figure if we’re friends, then we can date whoever and move on from our past. And I suppose that the guys will be relieved not to hear me go on and on.” He shrugs chuckling faintly.

“Yeah, I guess.” I say, attempting a smile which I’m sure comes out more like a grimace. “She’s perfect for you. Anyways, I’m going to go up to bed- classes start tomorrow.”

“Good night Lily.” He answers as I make my way to my room. And before I close my door I swear I hear him say;

“You’re the one who’s perfect for me.”

Chapter Text

The next morning at breakfast we get our time tables, and I notice that the Marauders and I have many of the same classes. The only class I don’t have with James is Arithmancy, which I have with Alice, Remus, and our friend Mary MacDonald. Unfortunately, Gabrielle also has many of her classes with us, and instead of James and me sitting together (like he would have loved any other year), he sits with Gabrielle and I sit with Sirius. Alice and Mary sit in front of us and Remus and Peter are to the right.

This goes on for two weeks. Not only does James spend most of his time with Gabrielle; he goes to hang out with her mates and leaves Alice and me with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Not that this is a problem, but I can see that they don’t like the situation either. We all miss James.

The only time I really see James is during Head meetings, and before I can even suggest we go to dinner together, he’s saying that he has Quidditch or has to meet ‘Gabby’ for ‘Study time’. Pfft. James Potter, study? Yeah, right... more like snogging in a broom cupboard.

It’s been a month and I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take just sitting in Transfiguration while he and Gabby giggle and fondle each other under the desk—and McGonagall doesn’t notice?! I grit my teeth, thinking back on how I used to admire his ability to pass notes to me without getting caught; now that those notes no longer pertain to me, I hate how he can get away with it. Hypocritical much?

“Sirius!” I whisper, nudging him.

I roll my eyes; of course he’s snoring away beside me.


I prod him with my wand and he slides off his chair, hitting his head against his desk.

“Ouch!” he shouts, rubbing his head. “What in the name of Merlin was that for?”

“Maybe if you managed to stay awake in my class, Mr. Black, these things wouldn’t happen,” answers McGonagall crisply.

“Sorry, Minnie, but I need my beauty sleep to keep up my appearance.” Sirius smirks and the class erupts into laughter, myself included. As McGonagall turns to the board and tells the class to quiet down, I swear I see a ghost of a smile.

Once McGonagall has continued the lesson Sirius turns to me and says, “Okay, what was it you wanted?”

“I want you to get James in trouble. You have to have noticed how he’s been with Gabrielle a lot lately and I want you, Remus, and Peter to get him a detention.”

“Lily, I can’t do that. You should know that Marauders get another Marauder out of trouble; we don’t get another Marauder into trouble.”

“Well, he hasn’t been much a Marauder lately, now has he? And besides, if you do that, I can take care of the rest,” I say with a smirk.

“Ah, Lilykins... does it bother you that James is hanging out with Gabrielle?”

“No, well, yes, but he doesn’t spend time with any of us anymore.”

  “Alright, sure I’ll help you, and by the looks of it, we’ve found a loophole. Let’s notify Moony.”


After classes are done for the day, I make my way to the beech tree by the lake to wait for Sirius, Remus, and Peter to arrive.  I survey the grounds, and when I see James and Gabrielle walking with their heads close together and their hands clasped, my heart clenches. I want to go through with my plan more than anything now. Not only for myself, but for the Marauders. My thoughts are interrupted as I hear my name echo across the grounds.


It’s Sirius, sauntering towards me with Remus and Peter in tow I suppress a smile as I glimpse James watching his mates approach me.

“So what’s the plan?” asks Remus, sitting down in front of me. Sirius joins me in leaning his back against the tree, and Peter sits between Sirius and Remus.

“Well, I was thinking something along the lines of...”

Chapter Text

He’s standing there in front of me. He has just gotten out of the shower, stray water droplets cascading down his toned chest. His hazel eyes twinkle mischievously behind his glasses and I walk towards him bringing his face towards mine. Our tongues meet in a fiery kiss and I grab his hand dragging him towards his room.  
“Merlin, Lily.” He manages to groan as I push him onto the bed straddling him.
I grind my hips against his and his hand cups my breast through my shirt. He rolls us over until I’m underneath him, his body pressing mine into the mattress. 


“Lily!” I hear Alice say.


“Mmmh” I groan rolling over in my four poster.

“Lily! Come on, we’re going to be late!”

At these words I dive out of my bed, miraculously not getting tangled in my sheets and make a run for the bathroom. I shower quickly and brush my teeth, throwing on my uniform when Alice says,

“So what were you dreaming about? Sounded like you were getting it on with James perhaps?” says Alice smirking.

“Shut up Alice.” I reply blushing profusely. “Now let’s go downstairs and see the expression on James’ face, shall we?”  


Alice and I walk down the stairs into the common room, and there laying on the couch waiting for me is Sirius.

“Mornin’ Lily, Alice.” He says walking towards them.

“Morning Sirius.” Lily and Alice chime.

“Where are Remus and Peter?” I ask looking around.

“They went down with James already.” Sirius says smiling. “I told them I was waiting for my new girlfriend, Remus and Peter are quite good actors.”

“Good. Let’s do this.” I say barely able to contain my excitement.

“I’m going to sit with Frank I’ll see you in Potions.” Alice says walking through the portrait hole ahead of us.


Before we enter the doors into the Great Hall Sirius grabs my wrist.

“Lily,” he says.


“Are you sure you want to go through with this? I mean really, he’s happy isn’t he?”

What?” I say, barely containing the sudden venom that has entered my voice.

“Are you having second thoughts Sirius? You don’t have to help me, you know that right? But without you it won’t make as big of an impact on him. You of all people should know that he doesn’t really want her.”

“No, I don’t have a problem with it; I mean he’s wanted you forever hasn’t he? I’m just making sure you want to do this.”

“Sirius, we’ve become friends James and I, and I thought we were going somewhere, and then all of a sudden he’s dating her. You don’t go from chasing one girl for six years, to being friends with her and then all of a sudden start dating someone completely opposite.”

“You’re right. Besides, you don’t just ditch your mates for a random bird...even if she is bloody gorgeous.”

I look at Sirius like he’s crazy. He notices and says,


“Nothing” I say, pondering what he just said. “Let’s do this.”


Sirius opens the doors to the Great Hall and he grasps my hand in his. His hands are rough and warm and I notice all the morning chatter has stopped and over one thousand pairs of eyes are on us. Sirius leans over and whispers in my ear,

“What do you think the fuss is all about?”

I laugh and reply sarcastically, “Hmm, I wonder.”

To everyone else I’m sure, we look like a couple. We approach the Gryffindor table and I sit across from James, Gabrielle on his left, Peter on his right, Remus sitting across from Peter.

“Good Morning,” I say with a huge smile. “Peter, could you pass the toast?”

“Sure” he replies passing me the toast.

Sirius and Remus are having a quiet discussion and all of a sudden Sirius leans towards me, his lips exceptionally close to my ear; so close in fact I can almost feel his lips graze my earlobe. All he says is

“Look at James.”

At first glance I don’t see a difference from any other morning. Then I see that his jaw is clenched and his knuckles are white on the table.

Just then the bell rings signalling the end of breakfast.

James takes Gabrielle’s hand and leaves the table abruptly, pretty much dragging her out of the Great Hall in his haste.


The day continues normally except for the fact that instead of being partners with Remus in Potions, Sirius is my partner.

Sirius and Frank get up to get the ingredients and Alice takes the opportunity to tell me how ‘brilliant we looked it was real.’

“Really, we were sitting at the end of the table and we could see how tense James was!” Alice’s face is glowing with excitement.

“Well, hopefully he reacts soon, I mean Sirius is great and all, but he can’t exactly be ‘himself’ if you get what I mean.” I say, thinking about how Sirius needs his broom cupboard escapades.

The rest of our conversation is cut short because Slughorn has asked Severus Snape to demonstrate to the class his potion-making abilities and has demanded silence.


It isn’t until a fortnight later when James finally reacts. In those two weeks, Sirius and I have been stepping up our game. During breakfast he whispers in my ear, holds my hand under the table, and each of us ‘accidentally’ play footsie with James. During classes we pass notes back and forth, and in our spare time we lay on the couch in the common room, steal kisses, or do homework together.

It is dinnertime and Sirius saunters over to us. I am deep in conversation with Remus and Peter about the Charms essay Flitwick set us for homework, my eyes occasionally roving over James’ form.

Sirius sits down beside me and interrupts me mid-sentence and presses his lips to mine.  His kiss is rough but his lips soft and I moan quietly. He pulls away, smirking and I realize he isn’t smirking at me, but someone behind me. I turn and see that James is livid. Gabrielle is trying to get his attention, but he is oblivious.

James gets up, and approaches us. This is surprising considering he has barely said five words to any of us since he started dating Gabrielle.

“Sirius, can I talk to you for a minute?” James is gritting his teeth and I know this will only end badly.

“Sure.” Sirius agrees, looking as if nothing is wrong, although all of us that are close to him can see he is on his guard.

They walk out the doors and I get up, along with Remus to go see how this will turn out. Peter looks between us, then wistfully at his roast chicken, sighs and follows us out into the entrance way.

We walk out to catch the middle of their conversation.

“What’s all this touchy shit between you and Lily?!” James’ fists are clenched, anger etched on his face.

“What’s it to you? You’re dating ‘Gabby’ now aren’t you? So what if I decided to make a move?” Says Sirius trying to be calm.

“Make a move, make a move?! Fuck, Sirius she’s not just another girl you can fuck and then leave!”

I am shocked, as is everyone that has just come out from dinner. They still haven’t noticed their audience.

“James, why are you even bothering? Come on, let’s go to the lake.” Cuts in Gabrielle, trying to make peace between the two.


Gabrielle looks taken aback at this.

“Sirius needs to know not to touch other people’s property.” Continues James.

Now I’m the one that is furious.

“How dare you!”

James turns as does Sirius.

“Stay out of this Evans.”

He used my last name. It feels like a slap in the face, but I continue.

“No, you’re not going to punish Sirius for your own stupidity.”

His eyes are burning behind his wire-rimmed glasses. I feel a heat throughout my body and it’s definitely not just from the argument.

“Oh, my stupidity, right.”

He turns his back to me and before anyone can react his fist connects with Sirius’ jaw.

He’s hitting Sirius with everything he has.

“James, stop it! Stop it now!” shouts Gabrielle.

“Prongs!” squeaks Peter.

The Great Hall doors burst open and one minute James is on top of Sirius, the next they are on opposite sides of the entry way.


James is panting, a bruise forming where Sirius got one hit in.

“Just a disagreement Professor.” 

“Detention, Mr Potter. Maybe next time you shall think before causing physical harm to another student.” Says McGonagall her lips in a thin line. “Be at my office at 8pm.”

Chapter Text

It is half past seven and I am in the Hospital Wing with Sirius and Remus. Peter had to go to the library to work on his astronomy essay.

“Oh, we shouldn’t have done this! I’m sorry Sirius!” I groan, with my head in my hands.

“Don’t worry about it Lily, you get to put the rest of your plan into action tonight. Besides, Pomfrey will have me healed in no time, and I’ve had worse on full moons anyway.” Says Sirius reassuring me.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, of course I’m sure.” Says an exasperated Sirius. “Now, GO!”

“Good luck Lily!” Remus calls as I exit the hospital wing.


It is quarter to eight and Alice is helping me with my seduction ploy.

“Just wait until he has his back turned and steal his glasses, then shove him against the wall and snog him senseless.” Alice suggests.

“Alice, that won’t work unless he’s deaf, and I can’t just snog him, it has to be seductive.” I counter.

“Well, you’ll have to figure that out on your own. You only have thirteen minutes left! I can help you with your outfit at least.”

Alice then magically shortens my school skirt, telling me to undo a few buttons on my shirt.

“Is that all? Can I go now?”

“Wait!” Alice comes over and loosens my tie. “There. Perfect. James won’t be able to resist you.”

I reach the door and before I leave I trill, “Thanks Alice.”

“No problem. Good luck! And tell me how it goes! I want all the details.”


It is eight o’clock sharp and I see McGonagall at the door of her classroom.

“I shall be back at eleven Mr Potter, and my room better be spotless.”

I watch her make her way down the hall and as she turns the corner I approach the Transfiguration classroom door.

I slowly turn the door handle and peer inside.

My breath catches at the sight before me. James is washing the desks, and with every movement his arm muscles flex. His body is toned and tanned from Quidditch. I notice that his robe is lying on the floor and that his tie is loose around his neck and the top few buttons on his shirt are undone. My body temperature has amplified and I long to kiss and touch him everywhere.

I slowly open the door praying that it won’t make a noise. Sure enough,

I freeze, but it is too late. His eyes snap up and I see shock flicker across his face and then it is gone, replaced by an impassive mask.

“What do you want?” His voice is harsh and I flinch.

“I, um wanted to talk?” Smooth Lily, real smooth. So much for seduction.

“What if I don’t want to talk?” he retorts.

“Well, what if it isn’t exactly talking?” I purr, slowly moving forward.

“What?” an adorable look of confusion crosses his face, the harshness in his voice falters and I do exactly what Alice suggests; I press my body into his and kiss him hard on the mouth. His kiss is rough, and gentle, and hot and wet, and everything a kiss should be. His hands find my waist and I walk forward until his body is against the wall. I grind my pelvis against his and he groans. He breaks away for a minute only to bring his mouth to my neck.

This is way better than a dream.

I tangle my hands in his hair and kiss along his jaw line, down his neck, his collar bone, leaving a faint red mark. I bring my knee between his legs and he hisses pulling away.

“I can’t do this.”

He is panting and his hair is ruffled from my hands travelling through it and now more than ever James Potter looks utterly sexy.

“You just did.” I react. His lips are tinged pink and mine feel swollen.

“I know, but it can’t happen again. I’m dating Gabrielle for Merlin’s sake! And you’re dating a treacherous best friend!”


“What do you mean ‘No’?”

“I’m not, nor was I ever dating Sirius.” I confess. “It was all to make you jealous.”

“What did you say?”

“I said-“

“No, I heard what you said. I just can’t believe it.” He pauses, then: “Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” I ask “I’m in love with you James.”

“You-You’re-no. No, don’t say that.” He’s shaking his head and the elation I felt before is wiped away and a sinking feeling is taking its place.

“Why not?” he sees the hurt on my face and I see the confusion, disbelief and sadness in his eyes.

“You- you can’t. I have Gabby and I can’t be with you. Not now. Maybe if things don’t work out.”

His words feel like a punch in the stomach. My heart hurts and it’s so hard to breathe.

“James,” I whisper.

“I’m sorry Lily,” he says, and what makes it worse is that he really is sorry.

“Well, I suppose I’ll see you at breakfast then?” I ask unsure.

“Yeah, see you then.”

I turn and open the door and I look back to see that he has begun cleaning again. I take out my wand and swish it, causing the desks to sparkle and McGonagall’s papers to stack nicely. James looks up, and he smiles a little, and I smile back, because it is the first time he’s smiled at me in quite a while.

I turn to leave again, but his voice stops me.



“Thanks... for this. And, well I’m sorry what I said earlier about you being my property.” His hand is tangled in his hair, where mine was, just a few minutes ago.

“Don’t worry about it.” I respond closing the door behind me.

Chapter Text

Chapter 5: Settling of Scores

I return to the girls’ dormitories and find Alice lying on her bed. She looks up when she hears me enter and the first words out of her mouth are:

“How’d it go?”

I spend the next half hour explaining everything that occurred in McGonagall’s room.  Alice sympathizes and pulls out some chocolate, telling me to eat it and that it will make me feel better.

“They won’t last long anyway, Lil.” Alice says.

I don’t have to look at her to know that she is only trying to make me feel better.

“I’m sure you’re right,” I reply unconvincingly. “Goodnight Alice.”

“Goodnight, Lil.”

I spent most of the night tossing and turning, wondering how this could have gone so wrong.


In the morning I wake up to an empty dormitory. I look around and see that Alice has left me a note on my nightstand.

I’m having breakfast with Frank. Meet us in the Great Hall when you’re ready.

I get out of my warm bed, all the thoughts and fears from last night flooding back to me. I have a shower, brush my teeth, and try not to think how good James tastes.

I pull on my uniform, hiking my school skirt up higher than usual. I also leave the top three buttons on my school shirt undone, along with my tie. My hair is in its unruly curls, but I don’t mind, knowing that's exactly how James likes it- or how he used to like it.

I look in the mirror one last time and smirk at myself, leaving the dormitory and going to breakfast.


I take a deep breath, standing in the Entrance Hall outside the Great Hall doors. I push them open, and the morning chatter erupts around me.

I look around along the Gryffindor table and spot Alice sitting with Frank and the Marauders. Gabrielle is also there. I take another breath and make my way towards them. As I walk I see many of the boys from Gryffindor and other houses grin and whistle as I walk by, while many of the other students have gone silent. I smirk as I see Remus’ eyes widen and he nudges Sirius who wolf whistles and elbows Peter who drops his toast in his lap. James who was previously in a conversation with Gabrielle, looks up to see what in Merlin’s name has made the Great Hall go silent for the second time in three weeks, and chokes on his sausage.

“Good morning,” I say sitting down and buttering my toast.

“Morning,” chime Alice, Frank, Gabrielle, and the Marauders minus James and Sirius who are still too shocked to do anything but stare.

Alice is chatting amiably with Remus about Arithmacy and I look over to where James and Sirius are talking quietly, occasionally glancing my way. It surprises me at how fast they make up; I suppose it has something to do with the unique friendship those four boys share.

The bowl of red strawberries catches my eye. Of course it just has to be in front of James. I lean across the table reaching for the biggest reddest strawberry, forgetting the fact that my shirt has the top three buttons undone. I grab the strawberry and smile and as I look up I see James looking right back at me.

I sit back in my seat and suck the water off the strawberry so it doesn’t drip down my hand. I then nibble the end savouring the sweet flavour. I look up again and see James whisper something to Sirius and I feel his feet shift under the table. Gabrielle puts her hand under the table and James starts, his cheeks turning pink as his eyes bore into mine.

Our eye contact breaks as the bell rings and I gather my bag and walk out the doors with Alice and Frank. I smirk to myself as I think about the occurrence at the breakfast table. I didn’t even plan the strawberry part! It’s just the way I eat strawberries...I didn’t know it was sexy until now!

My thoughts are interrupted as Alice says she’s going to walk Frank to Herbology and that she’ll meet me in Potions.

I see the door to the Potions room ahead and before I can take another step, James is in front of me. He grabs my hand and drags me into an empty classroom.

“What in Merlin’s name are you playing at?” is the first thing out of his mouth.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I respond, trying to leave.

He grabs my arm again and presses me against the wall with his toned body effectively cutting off my escape. My breath catches in my throat at the look of pure desire in his eyes.

“Oh I think you know exactly what I mean.” He growls.

“Is it a crime to eat a strawberry? Or is it my uniform?” I ask him, smirking.

“It’s against the rules.”

I scoff, “And since when does James Potter, Marauder extraordinaire follow the rules?”

“Since when does Lily Evans not?” he counters.

“Ah, touché.” I say yanking my arm from his grasp and pushing him away. I look back and smirk before I close the door.

Chapter Text

The rest of the day goes by surprisingly well after the incident before Potions. I hang out with Alice and Frank, try not to think about James’ body against mine, chat with Sirius and Remus, try not to think about James’ body against mine, and plan for tonight. Then again, of course I try not to think about James’ body against mine. 

I am sitting in our Head’s common room, when in wanders James all muddy from Quidditch.

“I’m going to shower before we go on rounds.” He says his voice muffled as he takes off his shirt.

“Alright,” I reply trying not to look as the muscles ripple under his skin.

He makes his way to the bathroom and as soon as the door closes I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

I just can’t get over how he can possibly be even sexier when he gets off the Quidditch Pitch.

In less than twenty minutes he’s out of the shower and approaching me asking if I’m ready to go. We walk in silence, neither of us wanting to mention the incident before potions.


We have half an hour left of rounds and I can’t stand the silence any longer, let alone my hormones.

Just as we are passing an empty classroom I grab James’ hand and drag him into it.

“What-“ he begins before my mouth is on his. There is no hesitation when he runs his tongue along my lips. Merlin, he tastes so good. My hands tangle in his hair, and Merlin it’s soft. He groans into my mouth and my hand runs along his jaw line feeling his rough stubble.

His mouth moves down my neck, biting, licking, sucking. I moan and press my body into his even more. My thoughts are incoherent and all I know is him. He kisses me once more lightly on the lips and he pulls away. I take him in, his normally bright hazel eyes are a darker shade of brown, his lips slightly parted; panting, his hair dishevelled and his cheeks flushed. I also notice that I left a faint red mark near his collar bone.

His eyes bore into mine and I feel like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. The only sound is that of our breathing until,

“We shouldn’t have done that.”

I look down, not able to meet his gaze. “I know, but we did.”

“I’m dating Gabby.”

“I know that too.”

“We really shouldn’t have.” I look up confused at why he is repeating himself and I see something flicker across his face that proves to me that he won’t be able to stay away from me. That whether we should have or not doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to. I remember there was a time in fifth year when we had a row concerning Severus Snape. I swore I’d never talk to him again. The next day we were partners in Charms.

“Rounds are over. We should get back to our dorm.” I remind him.

“Yeah, we should get back, its late.” He agrees.

The way back to the Head’s dorm is silent and I can tell he is preoccupied with what happened.

We reach the portrait and I give the portrait the password:

“Sugar Quills.”

James reaches his door and before he goes in he pauses, looks me right in the eyes and says,

“We shouldn’t have done that but it doesn’t change the fact that I wanted to.”

I smile slightly and I think he catches it.

When I get to my room and close the door I groan.

‘How am I supposed to sleep after that?!

Chapter Text

Chapter 7: Of Dreams and Repercussions

His body is above mine, pressing me into the mattress. His pants and my bra and knickers are the only things left separating us. He thrusts against my center and I moan as his erection presses into me. His hands are everywhere and I feel him unclasp my bra. I pull it off and as soon as it is out of the way his mouth his kissing, licking and sucking. I arch into him and whisper his name as my hand runs through his hair.

Before I know it, he is kissing down my body and has reached between my legs. He places the tip of his tongue on my clit over my knickers and I hiss:


And I can’t help but wonder how that would feel without that piece of clothing between our skin.

As soon as I think that I swear he reads my mind because he pulls off my knickers and brings his whole mouth down onto my clit. He is sucking and flicking his tongue against that little bud and I tangle my hands in his hair and press him closer as I moan his name.

He only adds to the pleasure as I feel his fingers move up my inner thigh towards my center and as he circles my entrance I wonder how this can get any better.

I find out in the next second as he slides one finger into me as far as he can and a groan rips through my body. I looks down and I catch his eyes on mine and his eyes don’t have the mischievous twinkle, but a different one, one that I am familiar with but can’t quite place.

Our eyes are locked as he continues pumping his fingers in and out of me and I think I might just die from the pleasure. He continues his ministrations and I’m climbing toward something I don’t know how to describe, only that when it happens and I fall off that edge the only thing I can think is:



I wake up in the morning uncomfortably warm with sweat dripping down my body. I groan as I remember my dream and I feel my center aching.

‘How am I supposed to look at him today?’ I think as I get dressed.

I find out once I get to our shared common room. James is sprawled out on the couch waiting for me.

“Ready to go?” he asks nonchalantly as if nothing happened and we are back to being best friends again.

“Um, where are we going?” I ask looking at him, confused.

“Down to breakfast of course.” He replies jumping up, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the portrait hole.


We are the last ones to breakfast and when James says ‘Good morning’ I feel Remus’ eyes on me.

‘Does he know? No, he can’t.’  I glance over at Remus again and he raises his eyebrows as he looks down at our entwined hands.

I blush and hastily remove my hand from James’ just as Gabrielle approaches and makes a show of kissing James.

As everyone chatters on around me, I sit in silence mulling over everything that’s happened in the past few months.

The bell rings announcing the end of breakfast and I get up to leave, but not before I hear James tell Gabrielle that he won’t be able to meet up with her after the Heads meeting we have tonight.

“That’s alright, I’ll try and beat Remus in a game of chess.”

“I’ll have to give you a rain check.” Remus adds regretfully. “I have the meeting and then I promised Pete I’d tutor him in Charms.”

“Oh, well I’m sure Sirius can keep me entertained.” She says laughing.

She kisses James lightly on the lips and asks Sirius if he’s ready to be beaten by a girl in their Care of Magical Creatures quiz this afternoon.

“Whatever girls can do, boys can do better!” shouts Sirius running out of the Great Hall after her.

Remus shakes his head looking between James and me saying,

“I better go after never know what he’ll do.” He takes a few steps and then pauses turning back. “I’ll see you at the meeting, yeah?”

James nods and Remus continues on his way.

“Come on, we better get to Potions or Sluggy’ll have our heads.” Says James looking at his watch and dragging me out of the Great Hall.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8: Head Meetings and Late Night Occurrences

“...and I think we’ve covered everything for this week.” I say finishing up the Prefects meeting. “Any questions?”

I wait a moment watching as all the Prefects shuffle impatiently.

“Oh, alright!” I say, exasperated. “Just go.”

There is a flurry of papers and then all the Prefects are gone.

“Prongs mate, you coming?” asks Remus pausing by the door.

“Can’t mate, sorry, we’ve still got forms to fill out.” Says James looking for his quill.

“See you at breakfast?”



“James, could you pass me that form over there?”

“Sure,” he says and hands it over. My hand brushes his and I can feel the tingles course through my body. I bite my lip and sneak a glance at James. He is concentrated on one of the forms and I can’t focus on Heads work any longer. My dream from this morning comes flooding back and I can feel my face flush as I wonder if he really is that good with his fingers.

“Er- Lily, are you alright?”

I snap out of my thoughts and feel my face flush even more.

“Erm- uh, yeah...I mean no.” I stutter. I then look at him and I really shouldn’t have because the confused look on his face is so sexy that I have to swallow hard and avoid his gaze, but not before he sees something flicker across my face.

The next minute happens so fast. James’ lips are on mine and I can feel his pent up emotions letting loose. His lips are moving down my neck to my collarbone and the next thing I know is that my shirt is off. His broom callused hands are everywhere and I moan into his mouth as his hands find their way up my skirt. I gasp out loud tangling my hands in his hair and pressing him as close as I can as he takes a nipple in his mouth.

I push him away momentarily and take in his ruffled hair, flushed cheeks and toned body. He pulls off his shirt and I grab his hand and push him against the wall. I start at his mouth, kissing and touching every part of his body on the way down. I reach the trail of hair that disappears into his pants and I begin fumbling with his button. 

I finally get it free and he steps out of his pants kicking them under the desk. His erection is even more pronounced through the thin material of his boxers.

I look up at him and our eyes lock. His breathing is ragged and at the intense look in his eyes I feel warmth pool in between my legs.

I pull off my knickers, left only in my school skirt. I grip him in my hand and run my tongue across the tip of his manhood. He lets out a groan and it such an amazing sound that I want to do whatever I can to hear it again.

I take him deeper in my mouth, cupping his balls and his hands tangle in my hair. He begins thrusting gently into my mouth and I reach my hand under my skirt and rub my clit moaning. He hisses as the vibrations from my moans add to his pleasure and after a few more thrusts, I feel him tense, and he comes moaning my name.

“Merlin, Lily” he pants.

I get up from my position on the floor and press my body against his, kissing him and as his tongue enters my mouth I faintly wonder if he can taste himself on my tongue.

He kisses down my body, and I bite my lip when I feel his breath on the inside of my thighs. His finger is slowly tracing around my entrance and I moan his name impatiently. His mouth covers my clit and at my sharp intake of breath he chuckles, adding a new sensation against my already sensitive skin.

“James” I gasp as he dips his tongue inside me, adding a finger. He adds another finger and continues to pump both of them in and out and I have to tangle my hands in his hair and lean against the wall behind me to keep my balance.

He takes my clit in his mouth and sucks and I come, my insides clenching around his fingers, moaning his name over and over.

He stands, and I wrap my arms around him, our sweat soaked bodies sticking together as we try to catch our breath. I am about to tell him that I want him inside me when there is a knock at the door.

“Shit!” whispers James as he shoves our discarded clothes under the desk and reaches for his invisibility cloak.

He just manages to cover the both of us when in walk Remus and Peter.

“Hey, where are they? I thought they had forms to fill out?” voices Peter looking at Remus.

“Perhaps they went down to the kitchens.” Answers Remus. “All their stuff is here, so they can’t have gone far.”

Under the cloak I look at James and he kisses me on the cheek silently and motions for me to listen.

I look back at Remus in time to see him pull out a piece of parchment and point his wand at it, muttering something.

As he scans the parchment his brows furrow in confusion.

“The map says they’re right here.”

Peter shrugs his shoulders saying “Maybe it’s malfunctioning. It’s happened before; I was going to the kitchens and it said you were in a broom cupboard with Astoria Greengrass.”

It might be a trick of the light but I think I see Remus blush before he takes a piercing look around the room, pausing startlingly close to where we are standing and then too, shrugs his shoulders saying,

“C’mon Pete, how about a game of chess?”

As soon as the door closes behind them, and their footsteps fade, I look questioningly at James.

He pulls off the cloak, handing me my clothes and then begins getting dressed.

After a short silence he sighs saying,

“Lily, you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone about the parchment in Remus’ hands.”

“I promise.” I say.

He sighs again, running his hands through his hair.

“We- er- made a map. It shows everyone in Hogwarts and where they are and even if we’re under the cloak, or a disillusionment charm, or-“

He pauses as if he was going to add something else and then continues.

“Anyway, the point is, the map never lies and Remus knows.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 9: Confrontations and other Clandestine Actions

The next morning I wake up in the Heads dorm like any other morning, excited to begin my day.

I shower, brush my teeth and go through my regular routine. I bound down to the common room to meet James and instead get a surprise when I see Remus sitting on the Gryffindor red couch.


“Good morning Lily.” He says, nodding to me. His posture gives off the impression that he is just here on a casual visit, but given yesterday’s rendezvous and the look in his eyes, we both know what he’s here for.

“Good morning Remus, are you waiting for James?” I ask, feigning innocence.

Before he can answer, James bounds into the room, pausing when he sees Remus.

“Morning Prongs.” Says Remus nodding to him.

“Moony.” Says James curtly, his normally sparkling hazel eyes are dark, almost black. “What are you doing here? Where are Padfoot and Wormtail?”

I watch Remus’ mouth press into a thin line, and the resemblance to McGonagall is almost uncanny. He looks disapprovingly first at me and then at James before he answers.

“You know why I’m here and don’t try to change the subject.”

“Actually, I don’t.”

Remus’ eyes are blazing and he huffs knowing that James is stubborn and won’t give in without a fight.

“You better tell her Prongs, because she deserves to know, and we both know it happened because the map doesn’t lie.”

“I’ll tell her soon.”

“Oh that sounds convincing!” utters Remus sarcastically.

“Yeah? Well what ever happened to ‘I don’t date because of my furry little problem’?!”

“It wasn’t a date.”

“Well, ‘I don’t get attached’ then! Seems like you were pretty attached to me!”

“Alright stop!” I say. “He’s right James, Gabrielle doesn’t deserve this. It’s all my fault anyways. You were fine until I compelled you.”

James sighs and sits in an armchair across from Remus.

“Alright, I’ll tell her, but I’ll wait until after the holidays.”


The small space is cramped, but she doesn’t care, because although she sees the man in front of her every day, she can’t do this with him every day. Her hands tangle in his untidy black hair as a groan rips through her body.

She’s almost there, almost at the end, and she’s despondent, because this needs to end. She can’t lie to him any longer, he doesn’t deserve that, especially when she knows that he’s in love with another, and none of this has to be so complicated anyway.

A last sigh escapes her lips as she reaches that end and she whispers the one name she really shouldn’t.


Chapter Text

Chapter 10: Holidays

“Where are you going?”


“You’re not going to see Lily.”

“I wasn’t.”


Alright, I was, but you don’t know how it is Moony! I need a release.”

“If you need a release, then go find your girlfriend. Or have you already forgotten?”

“No, I haven’t forgotten! Where is she?”

“Out on the Pitch with Sirius.”


I make my way out to the Quidditch pitch behind my house and see Gabby trying to score on Sirius, her raven hair blowing in the wind.

“Padfoot!” I yell, distracting him.

I laugh as Gabby takes the chance and throws the quaffle through the center hoop, scoring.

“Hey! That’s cheating!” I hear Sirius yell. Gabby laughs, poking Sirius in the stomach, and zips towards me. Sirius gives chase and lands a few seconds after Gabrielle.

“Way to go, mate. It was a tie, I could’ve won!”

Sirius is pouting and Gabby and I laugh.

“Sorry Padfoot, but I’m here to whisk Gabby away with my charm” I say winking.

Sirius laughs as Gabby jokingly asks, “What charm?” but his eyes aren’t laughing.

“See you later, mate. I’ll catch up with Moony, he’s in the Library, no doubt. Any news of Wormtail?”

“Nah, he said his mum is keeping him home, something about his aunt being ill.”

I take Gabby’s hand and lead her to my room, I have to let her know about Lily.

She’s sitting on my bed and I can tell she knows there’s something wrong.


There is a knock at the door and I can hear mum’s voice,

“James, dinner is ready, Zippy is putting it on the table!”

I sigh and reply, “Okay, mum, I’ll be right down.”

I wait until her footsteps fade and am about to start again, when Gabby says,

“Don’t worry about it James, I mean, my birthday is in three days and we’re back at Hogwarts tomorrow, there will be less interruptions if we leave during the party. I have something I would like to tell you too.”

“Wait, how do you know about the party?” I ask, becoming distracted. “We were trying to keep it a secret!”

“Oh, I heard Pete telling Sirius the day we were leaving for hols.” She explains. “Don’t worry, I promise I’ll be surprised.”

I laugh, shaking my head, and proclaim, “C’mon, we better get downstairs before mum comes looking for us.”

She agrees, grabbing my hand as we make our way to the dining room. I’m not too fond of the fact I’ll be hurting her on her birthday, but I don’t want to drag this out any longer.

We enter the dining room, Sirius across from me and Remus across from Gabby. Remus looks pleased, seeing our entwined hands, and Sirius is trying to mask his scowl. I shrug my shoulders and laugh to myself. He probably lost a bet to Moony, that’s all.

Chapter Text

Chapter 11: Of Birthday Surprises and Compromises

It’s only the third day back at Hogwarts and already I’ve been loaded down with three essays and two quizzes.

The Marauders, including James, have been scarce the past two days, no doubt planning for Gabby’s birthday tonight.

Seven o’ clock arrives all too quickly. At least I’ve managed to complete two of my three essays and begin studying for my Arithmancy quiz.

I arrive at Gryffindor tower, give the Fat Lady the password, Pumpkin Pasties, and look around the room. Red and gold confetti in the shape of a lion’s head is falling from the ceiling, which is completely insane as Gabby is from Ravenclaw, but the Marauders are passionate about Gryffindor. Mugs of Butterbeer and bottles of Firewhiskey are on the table near the cake in the shape of the Hogwarts grounds.

“The boys sure outdid themselves this time.”

I hear a familiar voice behind me say, and I turn and see Alice.

“They sure did! Where’s Frank?”

“Over by the Marauders, shall we?” Alice replies.

As we make our way through the crowded common room towards the corner where the Marauders are, I see James whisper in Gabby’s ear. His eyes meet mine for a brief moment, and I see her nod and excuse herself from her conversation with Remus, and watch as her and James disappear up the staircase leading to the boys dorms.


As Gabby and I enter the seventh years boys dormitory, I feel terrible for what I’m about to do, especially on her birthday of all days, but I can’t go behind her back any longer.

“Gabby, I—we need to talk.” I say, running my hand nervously through my hair, looking at her as she sits on the edge of my old bed.

“James—“ she starts, but pauses as I put up my hand.

“Let me finish. I’ve been a terrible boyfriend. You don’t deserve to be lied to and that’s exactly what I’ve done. I knew I was still in love with Lily when we started dating at the start of term. I was fully prepared to let her go, and I tried, I really did. What I wasn’t counting on was her wanting to be with me. I was okay for a while, but—“ I stop, trying to find the words.

“Oh James,” I look at her and she’s smiling.


While Sirius and Peter are charming people around the room and spiking the butterbeer, (Remus is talking with Mary McDonald), I sneak up the boys stairs to see what James could possibly be doing with Gabby when her party is down in the common room. When I reach the mahogany door that reads seventh year, I pause, putting my ear to the door.

There is a sigh, and it takes a moment for my brain to process the words.

“Oh James,”

I run down the stairs to the common room, my blood boiling, and make a beeline for the Firewhiskey.


“Oh, James, you didn’t think I knew that? You were getting distant and seeing Lily more. You don’t honestly think the looks you two were giving each other were fooling anyone, did you?” She shakes her head, her hair shimmering in the light. “Don’t look so guilty. If it makes this any easier, I was with Sirius.”

I look at her in disbelief.

“So, you’re not upset? I really didn’t want to ruin your birthday.”

She laughs, “Of course not! Now, go get her, mate!”

I smile, give her a quick hug and bolt down to the common room, euphoric that there are no harsh feelings between Gabby and I.

I look around the room for bright red hair and spot Lily near the Firewhiskey.




I hear the shout and make my way further from his voice.

“Lily, wait!”

I continue weaving my way through the crowd, hoping to lose him. My attempt is wasted as his warm hand grabs my wrist and he spins me to face him.

“Lily, where are you going? The party’s just started?!”

His cheeks are flushed, eyes bright, and a smile gracing his features. His hair is a mess—more than usual, though, given his previous activities, that’s not a surprise. His smile falters when he realizes I’m not smiling.


Before he can continue, my hand connects with his cheek. A broken look appears on his face.

“Go back to fucking your girlfriend. She seemed to be having an excellent time.”

With that, I spin on my heels and exit the common room.


“Mate, are you alright?” Asks Sirius coming up behind me.

“Does it look like he’s alright Padfoot?” Remus counters.

“James? Where’s Lily?” asks Gabrielle approaching the group. “What happened?”

“Lily slapped him.” States Sirius bluntly.


I snap out of my trance and answer, “She accused me of shagging you—I don’t—“

I look helplessly at Remus.

“Right after you two went upstairs I saw Lily go up.”

“But we weren’t—unless—“ realizes Gabby. “I’ll go talk to her.”


I’m in my room trying to study, failing miserably, I might add, when there is a knock at the door.

“Bugger off!”

“Lily, it’s Gabrielle, please can I come in and explain?”

“What’s there to explain?” I retort venomously.

I hear a click and the door opens, revealing Gabby.

 “Lily,” says Gabby, sitting at the edge of my bed. “James and I—we weren’t—we were going our own ways. We’re better off as friends. I know he loves you and he wouldn’t do anything to compromise that.”

“But—“ I begin.

“What you must have heard is me about to tell him that he shouldn’t feel guilty because I was doing the same thing.”

“Wait, what? With who?” I ask, and then it dawns on me. “Sirius?!”

Gabrielle laughs, nodding her head as I stare at her in disbelief.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.” I say.

Gabby rises, saying, “Shall we go back to the party?”

“I don’t know...after what I did to James...”


I freeze at the sound of his voice.

“I would never hurt you like that. You should know that. Please, come back to the common room and let’s all have a good time. I love you.”

“I—I love you too, James. How are you talking to me like this?”

Gabrielle laughs again, holding up a mirror with James’ face showing. He waves, smiling, and replies,

“Mirrors. They’re how Sirius and I talk during separate detentions.”

I shake my head. “The things you Marauders come up with. Alright, let’s go enjoy your party, Gabby.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 12: Of Beginnings and Ends

Before I’m even through the common room door, James has whisked me away to the dance floor, holding me close.

“Why are we slow dancing to a fast song?”

“There doesn’t always have to be an explanation you know, just go with it Lil.” He says, smiling.

I do as he says, and I find it’s one of the things I love most about James; his ability to just live. No plans, no rules, he just does what feels right.

I look around at the rest of our group and I see them having a great time. I smile at how far we’ve come in the past year and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I feel James’ lips near my ear and I smile when he whispers,

“Come with me.”

I follow him up the stairs to the boys dorm and I know where this is going.

This isn’t the first time.