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Lost until you found me (short version)

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Burning. Everything is burning. Blistering heat dances along my skin, lights flash all around me in that sickly green hue and the screaming... all around me the distinct screams of a shriek and the deep rumblings of a rage demon are followed by screams of men, women and children alike. All of them dying. Burning or being ripped apart by the hordes of demons… or both.

I pull myself from the ground on shaking knees, gasping in the air tainted with the scent of burning flesh. I fall, convulsing with pain at the magic in the air lighting my brands, but I push through the pain in my screaming muscles to lift myself once again. I squint through watering eyes at the dark form that suddenly appears in front of me. A child. A little boy. Ears with a slight tell-tale point, a mop of dark hair so familiar and dark tanned skin looked at me through the chaos around him, seemingly unaffected by the heat and the death that surrounded his small form.

I reach out, spasming hand grasping towards the boy and he smiles. “Daddy… Mummy’s looking for you. She’s in the chantry!”, he whispers almost playfully. Hawke! I realise. She’s here… I can help her. I can find her.

I rise to unsteady feet, my sword somehow in my hands. The chantry is only a short distance away, the unnatural fires hadn’t reached it yet. I stalked forward on unsteady feet, balance seeming a difficult task though I could feel no wound on my body nor remember no battle. A heard a small feeble cry from my left, and turned to see a shriek standing over a small body. I thrust my sword into its chest with a sickening crunch and twisted it out, its dying breath producing a wet gurgle. I looked down into the eyes of the small girls face, tears down her cheeks, and I choked back a sob. I turned away.

The chantry was small but untouched, a beacon among the chaos. I reached the heavy doorway and pushed, falling on one knee with the effort. I panted hard, and looked up through eyes clouded with unshed tears, and saw her.

Hawke. Unharmed and pristine. Smiling gently, with our little boy at her side.

“Fenris … you found me!”, She cried out. The tears that I had held back broke free, she was the only one who could ever break me.
“Hawke… you’re alive…”, I wheezed, “I told you once… I could not bear the thought of living without you…” I pulled myself to me feet and rushed forward, she caught my near fall in her arms with a laugh.

“You do not have to now. Please, you must free me from this place… Say yes, my love… just say yes…” she leaned in, smiling sweetly. I smiled in return, for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, and leaned forward to meet her lips in a small chaste kiss, , the word about to leave my lips…

A scream pierced the air. A scream so ear splitting in its hatred and agony that my mouth fell open in horror as I came away, my chest covered in blood. Her blood.
She wasn’t her anymore, though. Her face fell away like wet parchment, revealing horns and a face so unnatural and beautiful that it was no mistaking what it really was. Our boy that never really existed outside my wishes, now a hunched over crone like figure covered in rags and emanating a chill reminiscent of death, fled at the sight of a sword through its conspirators stomach.

Sorrow filled me once again as it had for months, as I looked up to see his familiar pitying face looking down on me with the sword handle in his grip.

“Wake up”.


* * * *


I gasped awake, “Hawke!...” I cried, my eyes opening to a familiar room of cold stone and heartache.

“I’m afraid once again, she is not here. She remains still were she has been for months.” He said, as casually as one would remark on a trivial matter. I felt a hand brush a tear from my face tenderly but I yanked back, throwing my legs over the side of the plush bed.

“I will not be coddled, mage.” I tried to snarl, but the anger of the comment seeming false even to my own ears. I heard a sigh, a ruffle of sheets and the dull padding of feet.
“We have an agreement, if you recall. You will give me what I need”, he ran a finger over a brand on my bared back, “and I will give you what you need.” A hand cupped the back of my neck possessively, thumb caressing the hardened lyrium scar there.

Submit, that is what the slave part of myself said, but I was not a slave. I leaned just out of his grasp and rose, turning to face him.

“What I need is for you to use me! Tear down the veil so I can get to her, mage! I do not need your assistance beyond that.” I snap the words, gritting my teeth with each syllable, this time with easily summoned malice. The small, pitying smile he had been wearing faltered. I turned and stalked towards the door hand just brushing the door knob, only to find my back shoved to it harshly with a dull thud and hands to either side of my hips cornered like an animal. His lips so close to mine and light gusts of breath, like elfroot and chrysanthemums, washing over me like a caress.

“You do not know what you need. I do.” I opened my mouth to snap a reply, only to find that mouth firmly planted on mine. The familiar feel of his velvet lips on mine made it hard to think, teeth clacking together in his haste, mind scrambling for a reaction. I pushed against his chest, my arms trapped between us, and he released my lips but only just. A dexterous tongue trailed the brands down my chin, to bury into his favourite spot at the junction where neck met shoulder with just a hint of warning teeth and one hand trailing up to lightly caress one pointed ear. I gritted my teeth against the unwelcome temptation, a little part of me wanting nothing more than to kiss him and let go but bitter heartache bade me not to give in without a fight.

“You sure this isn’t what you need?” I gasped, my hand instinctively clasping at the back of his head as my head dropping back with a thud, “The heartbroken so-called god, finding solace drowning in my lyrium because you can’t have her… ” he cut me off with a growl, a flash of smoky blue in his eyes and I knew I’d gone too far to mention her, his Inquisitor. She was off limits, I knew it, but a selfish part of me wanted him to feel what I felt now. I heard a deafening bang a mere inch from beside my head and I hated myself for flinching. Showing any sort of fear.

“You…” He sighed, glowing eyes fading as he struggled to calm himself, “I find solace in you.” My mouth opened and closed, flapping with nothing to say, selfish pettiness leaving me with regret I was too stubborn to show. He pressed his lips gently to mine again, soft and gentle this time. Unhurried.

He didn’t seem perturbed at my idleness, merely waited patiently. Always so patient. I relaxed the death grip I didn’t realise I had on his soft sleeping shirt and melted into his embrace, a soft tongue slipping past my lips to curl sweetly around me own. He withdrew reluctantly, but only for long enough to push and pull me gently back, manoeuvring me towards the bed until I fell atop it.

He crawled onto me, my bare chest flushed against his own lightly clothed one. That eager tongue returned, beginning once again at my chin licking playfully, and began to work down my chest with playful nips along the way. He nipped lightly at my nipples in a slow erotic torture, heat beginning to spark in my stomach like a growing storm, and I gasped, grasping his head smooth head and pressing it tightly too me. He chuckled, moving lower still to the band of my breeches before stopping and looking up at me through my lashed. I panted, hips shifting restlessly under is idle hands.

“You’ve been attracting a lot of demons recently, ma da’tarasyl'nin…” He smirked, his finger running lightly along the inside of the band but making no move to remove them. I groaned, back arching and hard bulge more than prominent even without his attentions there any shame or hesitation dripping away like melting ice.

“This is not the time for demons and your elvish nonsense!” I snap, bitter at the delay, but my frustration was obvious and he was loving it. Bastard.

“Oh, well I think this is the perfect time for…” I scowled and narrowed my eyes as he continued to tease me with his knowledge of demons, but a well-placed leg sweeps, cutting him off as a very frustrated elf appears on top of him. He smirked as I hastily untied my lacings, groaned as over eager fingers fumbled at their task. Once they finally came free, I stood only long enough to remove them, before falling to my knees between his legs to fumble with his. I cursed, his proving even more trouble than my own.

He laughed, and waved a hand. I felt a swift brush of magic, brands flashing but only briefly. I opened my mouth to snap at him, but my mouth went dry at the sight of a fully bared elf with a very eager little friend inches from my face. I exhaled briefly, glancing up at his smirk as he propped himself on his elbows to watch as I licked my lips and pounced.

“Uh…” He groaned, my mouth quickly engulfing his hot member in tight wet heat. I slide a hand down brushing past the sheets hanging from the side of the bed to cup my hard length, hand sliding over eager in a perfect rhythm of delicious friction and heat. His hips twitched and he sat forward further, hand curling into my hair and pulling on it gently, the slight pain grounding me.

I swept my tongue along the slit, his hips bucking upward with a gasp as I used the other hand to lightly cup and caress his balls. He was panting faster now, hand in my hair tightening and I sucked harder creating a glorious friction. He gasped as he came and I moaned, swallowing him down and rutting furiously into my grasp and came with a silent growl.

I lay, panting a moment longer before clambering clumsily onto the bed again, my head buried into one of the pillow, my hair spread shielding me from the light and the light breeze in the room cooling my heated skin. I heard more movement and felt the bed dip as a lithe arm circled my waist and pull me against tepid skin, soft panted breath on my ear. We said nothing for a long while, as that is how this goes every time. No loving words passed between lovers here. This was convenience, nothing more, but there was that tell-tale flutter in my chest I sternly ignored.

“Ar enfenim ar lath ma…” he muttered sighing, and my brow furrowed with playful annoyance.

“This still won’t make me learn your elvish nonsense, mage.” I muttered, muffled by the pillow, and I heard a huffed laugh in return before dreamless sleep took us.