Title: Santa Go'auld
Author: Megan (returnofpiper)
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Summary: Maybe those cultural figures are more than we thought.
Character/Pairing: General team, Daniel/Vala if you squint
Spoilers: Well, it's got Cameron and Vala.
Prompt Number for fic101: 68 - Parade
Author’s Notes: Yeah, so it's a late Christmas fic. Whoops!
After handing a beer to Cameron, Sam sat down on Daniel's couch, folding her long legs under her as she surveyed the room with a smile. Vala had Daniel's laptop on her lap and was eagerly announcing Santa's location.
"According to NORAD, he just left Egypt. Do you think his sled is designed to land on the pyramids too, Daniel? I mean, a sled doesn't seem like the type of thing you should have landing in the sand. It would just get stuck."
Daniel nursed his beer and responded, just a little bit tipsy. "I don't think Santa's a Go'auld, Vala."
"I never said he was. Though that would explain his age. He's got to be getting up there in years."
"Santa's magical, Vala. That's why he's so old."
"Yes, well, the Go'auld managed to trick entire populations into believing they were gods, so perhaps Santa's in on this whole scam."
Teal'c looked up from the TV Guide and raised an eyebrow at Vala.
Daniel seemed flummoxed by the thought of Santa as Go'auld, so with a grin at Cameron, Sam responded, "But it's not like he's managed to enslave anyone. He just brings toys to children all over the planet. If anything, Santa would be Tok'ra."
"But what about the elves who have to work all year making those toys?"
At this, Sam paused. "Or maybe Santa is a Go'auld," she finally responded with a laugh, taking a long drink from her beer.
"Santa is not a Go'auld!" Cameron interjected loudly. "He is a wonderful, kind man who brings joy to children all over the world every year at Christmas. He's a legend!"
"Go'auld are legendary too," Vala responded simply. "Oh look! Earlier he was at the International Space Station! How in the world does he fly into space? The reindeer would die. So would he, for that matter. Besides, there are no children on the International Space Station, right?"
"I have not heard of any Go'auld who brings toys to children. Nor of one who would choose to enslave only one race on a planet and ignore the more populuous race. It would be a waste of time," Teal'c chimed in. "Therefore, I do not believe that Santa Claus is a Go'auld. Besides," he added, pointing to the TV Guide. "No Go'auld would allow such an elaborate parade with so many floats that have no reference to him whatsoever."
"Do Go'auld have parades, Teal'c?" Sam asked, still grinning.
"Yes. But none so elaborate as the ones that will air on television at precisely 10:00 tomorrow morning. I thoroughly enjoyed last year's parade, and hope that this year's will be even more spectacular. I have already programmed the TiVo to record, but I insist we also watch live."
Vala nodded vigorously. "Just in case Santa Go'auld decides to reveal himself during the parade."
"Vala, I don't think..." Cameron began, but Sam reached over and placed her hand on his arm.
"She doesn't need to know it's not actually live," she whispered to him.
"And this parade that we are watching," Vala continued. "It is occurring in Disney World, correct? Home of a large talking mouse? I have seen his image on many things. Clothing, figurines, toys. Even on a woman's breast the other day. You can't tell me that he's not a Go'auld as well."
"Mickey Mouse is not a Go'auld!" Cameron cried. "He is an American tradition. An important piece of our culture."
"Well, yes, a Go'auld living among your people undetected would be an important thing to your culture, now, wouldn't it," Vala added. "When Colonel O'Neill gets here, I am going to make sure that he is aware of these threats to your planet, seeing as you all don't seem to care at all!"
Sam snickered into her beer as Cameron and Vala continued their debate. Maybe it wasn't your typical Christmas Eve celebration. They weren't a typical family, but they were family. And she wouldn't have them any other way.