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Abnormally Large Freakish Creature

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Stiles stared down in absolute horror at the Abnormally Large Freakish Creature that was currently residing in his bathtub. For some reason, the words were bolded in his head as it’s official title. His slowly building terror snapped him out of his trance, and he was bolting out of the bathroom, out of his apartment, and into the hallway.

Who the hell was qualified to take on that kind of thing? Probably only the baddest of asses. Which is lucky, because, if Stiles remembered correctly, his neighbor was the silent badass type. Or, at least, he assumed. He had only ever seen him in the hallway every once in a while.

So, Stiles could either ask the terrifying neighbor for help, or he could try to expel the Abnormally Large Freakish Creature by himself. Reluctantly, Stiles went back inside his own apartment, grabbing the can of Lysol under the sink. Maybe he could kill it and extract the body.

Fearfully, with his hands and knees shaking, he edged back into his bathroom. And oh god - did it grow, or was it always that abnormally large? Right, stupid question. He took a half-step forward, lifting the Lysol can. What if he sprayed it, then it jumped and attacked him? Oh god, oh god, he can’t do this.

He pressed the button down hard, releasing the obnoxious-smelling spray onto the Abnormally Large Freakish Creature. It twitched, skittering away from the chemical spray. Stiles screamed, already racing out of his apartment like it was a portal to hell itself. He was still clutching the can of Lysol like a lifeline. He stood inside his doorway, almost in tears with his entire body shaking and shivering.

Then the door beside him clicked open, the door swinging open to reveal a baffled, slightly concerned neighbor. He had on a tight black shirt with jeans. And wow, he had no right to look that hot. And yeah, Stiles may or may not have a tiny crush on him.

“Why are you screaming; you sound like a dying cat. You need help?” He eyed the can of Lysol that Stiles was clutching.

“Ahaha, yeah, ah, I would really love your help right now.” Stiles said, voice shaky with nerves. He really did not like spiders. “There’s just this really big spider in my bathtub, and I’m the biggest wimp ever.” As an after thought, he added, “I’m Stiles, by the way.”

“Derek.” He said in return, looking at Stiles like he was the most amusing thing he had ever seen. Which is weird, because Stiles didn’t think that this man could be amused. It just didn’t fit with the whole ‘badass’ image. Even though he looked amused, He could still kick Stiles ass, though. It was just plain fact.

“Wow, you’re afraid of a little spider?” Derek shook his head. “Lead the way, then.” He said, taking a step forward.

“It’s not ‘little’! It’s an Abnormally Large Freakish Creature.” Stiles whined, leading Derek into his apartment. “And thank you so, so much, by the way. I think I would’ve died trying to take it down. I would have needed to hire a hit man.”

Stiles came to a stop at the bathroom door. “It’s in there.” He whispered, pointing to the bathtub. Derek looked at him with his now-trademarked puzzled look. Stiles got those from a lot of people. “Why are you whispering?” He asked in a normal voice.

Stiles squeaked, shushing him overtly. “Shhhhh, BE QUIET; it can hear you.” Stiles said aggressively, which was surprisingly impressive, since he was still whispering. Derek looked amused once again at his antics.

“Do you have a box? Or a piece of paper? I’m going to put it outside.” Derek said, still continuing to use a normal voice despite Stiles’ paranoia.

Stiles looked betrayed at this turn of events. “You want to capture it? Are you crazy? You’ll die! I’ll die! We’re gonna die.”

“Stiles. A box.” Derek reiterated with his eyebrows.

“Fine. But it’s your funeral.” Stiles grumbled, turning away in search for something to capture the Abnormally Large Freakish Creature. He went to the kitchen, grabbing a glass jar and a piece of paper from the printer. He held them out to Derek, who reached to take them. Stiles pulled them away before he could grab them, however.

“Listen. There are stipulations to this plan development. You capture the Abnormally Large Freakish Creature and put it outside, but I need to know your route. So that I can stay as far away when the plan is in motion.” Stiles said, face dead serious.

“Oh my god, you are the biggest wimp.” Derek said, exasperated.

Stiles fixed him with a look. “Yes, we’ve established that. Now, tell me.”

“I’ll capture it, then I will go through your living room, out your front door, into the hallway, into the elevator, down to the lobby, and put it in the bushes. Detailed enough?” Derek said, as if to a particularly small child.

“Okay,” Stiles reluctantly agreed, “but don’t let it out too close to the sidewalk or anywhere it can easily attack me in the future.”

Stiles could tell that Derek was laughing at him internally. He didn’t care as long as he didn’t ever have to see the Abnormally Large Freakish Creature again.

“Go stand in the kitchen; it’s out of the way.” Derek said, before taking the supplies from Stiles hands. Stiles easily complied, leaning against the farthest counter, as far away as possible. Derek, who had successfully captured the spider, walked past calmly. That was so unfair.

Fortunately, the spider was soon out of his apartment and on the way outside to do whatever it is that Abnormally Large Freakish Creatures do. Stiles cautiously edged his way to stand by the door.

Derek returned soon enough with the supplies in his hands, thankfully spider-free. Stiles could finally breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank you so, so much. Seriously. I would have had to call Scott, and explain to him why he would need to come over and remove a spider from my bathtub. And trust me, I’m not winning on the man points between us.” Stiles babbled, accepting the returned jar and paper.

“Also, sorry, I’m not usually a damsel in distress. Well, not commonly. Okay, yeah, maybe a little. Anyway, do you want to hang out sometime? You seem pretty cool. I mean, I don’t have anything going on right now, so if you want to come in and hang out then that’s cool. I have some good games on the Xbox, and we could order a pizza.” And wow, did Stiles forget to take his medication today?

Derek raised his eyebrows. “Stiles, are you asking me on a date?”

Stiles balked, shifting back. “Whaaaaat? Nooooo. Unless you want me to ask you on a date, because then I would totally go out with you. But if not, then, ah, I’m not even into dudes, what are you talking about? aha.”

Derek took a step forward. “Stiles. I would love to play Xbox and eat pizza with you. It’s a date.”