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Meaningless Tones

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Silence is one of the few things in this world that has the ability to tear a person to pieces, or to build them up into something near unbreakable. It’s an odd thing to really imagine, how silence can ever build or break. But once you experience that overwhelming sensation of enhancement or destruction... you know. You know just how impactful silence truly is.

“Guren Ichinose.” the man’s voice croaked out, in hopes that by some miraculous way, the other would hear his broken voice and respond in some manner. He desperately hoped that perhaps those amethyst eyes would blink open and direct themselves to the pitiful man who had been sitting at the same spot for hours. He gulped violently as he had no such response from the raven haired man who simply continued to lay stiffly...not even a twitch of a muscle. The silence of the room was slowly tearing away at the man's heart the same way a saw cuts through wood. Powerful, jagged, gashes that would repeat over and over, each leaving him worse than the last. His expression was far too complex to properly describe with one word. It was an expression that was a combination of so many emotions… desperation, despair, regret, and most importantly, denial. Denial of all that was unfolding in front of him.

The only noise being emitted in the private hospital room was from the oxygen mask which covered Guren’s face, and the machine which displayed the steady slow rhythm of his heartbeat . Each beep echoed down the white hall and gave the man who had been sitting beside him assurance that he was still alive, he still had life… for now. This noise didn’t fill the silence, not for Shinya Hiragi… It was only meaningless tones that couldn’t fill the aching silence that was ripping the man to shreds. The only thing that could break this tormenting silence was a voice, a sound of conscious profound life. He needed to hear Guren’s voice, desperately… it had no meaning what the voice would say, hell he could tell Shinya to “Fuck off” and the snow haired man would burst into joyful tears, he just needed to perceive it.

It took everything inside him not to turn away from the awful sight… he never wanted to ever see the man so heavily covered in wires and masks just to keep him tied to this world. But here it was before him, and thus far nothing he did was able to stop it. He leaned forward to grip one of the hands which wasn’t as heavily strapped up to wires and tubes, carefully and ever so gently. “Remember how you told me to stop lying…? You practically beat it in my head to always stay true to my word… both literally and figuratively...” he said in a weak voice as a bittersweet smile spread across his face at the memory. “If you leave me, you’ll be definitely making me a liar again. So, you can’t leave me…” His breath hitched, his chest now heaving. “ It’s my job to protect you… I said that I would do everything I could to keep you out of harm’s way...from my family, and from the far shore. Promised that you would live a happy long life, where things would only get better, not worse. I swore that to Yuuichirou and to myself... “ He gripped the other’s hand a bit tighter as he shut his eyes tightly. “ So, don’t make my word mean nothing ...please don’t make me a liar. “ He was met with once again, no reply...not even a sign of movement.

The crippling silence was suddenly broken when the sound of heels clanking the floor had been made. He promptly turned his head around to view the god which had been so involved in their lives. “Yuuichirou ! You’re back!” he said in complete relief before he pushed his chair back and stood up, turning away from Guren to face the god. However his brows quickly furrowed upon seeing the god alone, with a grimacing look upon his face. His emerald eyes were cast downward, shameful of the news he had to bring, and it seemed that he was coated in dirt and blood. Scrapes adorned his beige skin, and his clothes were torn and ripped in countless areas. While Shinya needed for Yuu to say the words “Guren’s going to be alright. Don’t worry.” , he wasn’t going to fool himself, something was wrong, something horrible had happened. Shinya knew better than anyone else out there that you don’t quite always get what you need.

Yuu’s throat clenched as he struggled to even think of the words to say in this situation, but it wasn’t him that broke the new found silence. “W...what happened?” Shinya squeaked out in a voice which seemed to be so foreign. Every ounce of confidence and pride which the man held all the time had near vanished to dust in this moment of desperation.

Yuu slowly cast his gaze upward, his mouth gaping open just to think of the words to say. “ Mika...he …” his words clashed and he had no idea how to even approach the situation. He was lost...completely and utterly lost, his lower lip quivering at this point. “Mika can’t help us. Please, don’t ask.” he said in a weak voice, Shinya’s eyes widened as he only pictured the worst possible situation between Mika and Yuu. His mouth formed a thin line, even in his state of panic, he took a hint. He wouldn’t pry about the situation with Mikaela … not now. He continued to listen as the other went on, expecting for for Yuu to bring up some other plan than what he had formed originally. Nothing had prepared him for what Yuu was about to say. “ I can’t bring Guren back. There’s just no way… I’m sorry.” It’s as if the shards of Yuu’s words puncture Shinya’s skin. He visibly winces, twisting away from the shameful god.

In the blink of an eye he rummaged through his pants’ back pockets, pulling out his leathered wallet to which the god’s brows furrowed. Hasty fingers went into every crevice, tugging out every bill, every card, every damn coin left inside before tossing it at the other. His hand recoiling only to repeat the motion of tossing the contents of the wallet at the bewildered god. “Here! Take everything, I don’t care ! Whatever it takes for Guren to come back, that’s what you stupid gods need right?? Money and belief?? So revive him, bring--” he paused as his chest heaved, air struggling just to enter his lungs. “Bring him back…Do something! Don’t come back here and tell me you just gave up!” he growled loudly.

Yuu knew he was looking at a broken man, a man who was being pushed beyond his limits. He simply stared at the countless bills now at his feet, before he looked up again. His voice was weak, pitiful almost. “Shinya. I’ve tried everything… withou-” And in an instant he was interrupted by a loud, booming voice full of rage

“You’re a GOD! Anything is possible for you. He was your first new believer… and you’re just going to let him die? You told me a long time ago of how the two of you met… you were probably the happiest god to ever be.” Yuu visibly recoiled at the other’s words which were as sharp as knives, his fists clenching tightly as he struggled to keep his composure. “You told me to take care of him, to protect him with every ability I had and I agreed, I swore that I would. I swore that, not just because he means so much to me, but because I know he means the world to you. If he really meant so-” this time he was the one who was interrupted mid sentence, Yuu’s voice however was no longer soft or meak, rather it was loud and simply- broken.

“You don’t think I tried Shinya?!? I did everything I could! Guren does mean the world to me, and there’s no way I want any of this to happen. I wanted to see him enjoy his damn life! I wanted him to grow older, experience everything to it’s fullest, not spend his last moments in such a god awful state at this age! I wanted to be there for when he made his own damn family! ” his breathe hitched, and he looked down before finally soothing his rage. He looked at the bills, grimacing at how they were part of the cause for all of this. His voice returned to a meak state, and in almost a whisper he said “But I can’t change this… there’s no way.”

Shinya growled as the boy fell silent after saying such unsettling words. Promptly he rummaged into his front pocket. He pulled out Guren’s phone which Guren had asked for him to hold for a moment before this entire fiasco had happened. He tapped onto the phone feverishly before he pulled up a particular image and practically shoved it in Yuu’s face, so there was no way he could avert his gaze. “Remember this?!? Because I know that Guren hasn’t forgotten it!” he roared loudly. “He still says it was one of the best days of his life! He may be an ass half the time, and nag and complain about you so much it’s overwhelming, but deep down he said he had faith in you. He said that he was blessed to have ever met a great god in the making, he saw you as someone that he could depend on. He saw you as his FAMILY Yuu . Family takes care of each other...and right now you aren’t doing shit, you just gave up. ”

Yuu felt all the air from his lungs being ripped out the moment he was presented the picture. How long had it even been since this picture was taken? It was 10 years ago or so...nearly eleven. There Yuu and Yuichiro stood, proudly behind a messy haired boy with bright purple eyes that was holding onto a devious black cat. All of them were coated in frosting, bits of crumbs scattered in their hair, the main person being coated however was Guren. He was the only one of the bunch who wasn’t smiling-- but it was clear he was struggling not to. His eyes were joyful, full of utter delight. He had to have been struggling not to smile at the camera, because his mouth was forming an awkward line that looked all too forced.

Everything was so different in that much simpler. It wasn’t necessarily blissful and perfect, but it was not as complex and complicated as it was in the present. He had thought that Guren had disposed of the disposable camera all those years ago, but here the photo was. Scanned and transferred onto his phone. Hell, it was his phone’s background… A bead of salty water goes plummeting down the raven haired boy’s cheek, carving out a pathway on his dirt covered skin until he flicked it away with a quick swat of his hand and a barely audible huff. He never thought a photo could rip him to pieces, but that’s exactly what it was doing right then and there.

“Don’t you dare ever forget this.” Shinya muttered in a light voice. Yuu’s eyes only widened at the other’s statement and he shakily reached for the phone with his right hand, Shinya let Yuu take the phone from him, his eyes locked entirely on the other. He knew this was breaking him, and any usual person would feel guilty over doing this to a person, but he didn’t in the slightest. If this is what it took for Yuu to get back out there, so be it.

Yuu looked at the photo in silence. Everything rushed to him, and by gods did it sting… The same way that salt water burns a new wound...that was the way that Yuu felt, except he wasn’t just stung by the water, he was literally drowning in all of it, his entire body burning from shear agony. He was suffocating in countless joyful and impactful memories now felt like sweetened poison. He grit his teeth as he feverishly wiped at his eyes with his left hand, there was no point in even trying to not cry. He was shattered, broken to a point where he didn’t even know what to do aside from sobbing as a child would.

Where did this mess start?

When did this mess start?