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don't even tell me where we are going

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The road was desolate but for a single sedan. It drove past, not too quickly, at a pace at which one could enjoy the view without being painstakingly slow. Slender fingers tapped the steering wheel as they kept it in place, and the man in the driver's seat turned his head to the right.

"Almost there, Kevin," he commented, and the man in the passenger seat shifted his weight, sighing. There was a silence, one which hung in the air and had a feeling–one of an enclosed place. A silence that choked, that's what it was. Neither of the two dared speak. The silence was fragile, and if it was broken, there was a mutual feeling that they would both get hurt.

Finally, the man in the passenger seat turned, blinking. "Nick," he murmured, and opened his mouth to continue speaking only to close it. His green eyes searched the driver, who had his eyes glued to the road but was most certainly watching him through his peripheral vision. Kevin's breath shuddered, and he turned away, shaking his head. He heard Nick make a small moaning noise under his breath. He had given him hope of something–anything. Kevin ran a hand through his hair.

The car veered slightly off the road and parked in the surrounding grass, and Nick leaned back in his seat. The door remained closed, and Nick felt Kevin watching him as he stared blankly out the windshield. The sky was dark, and in this area of the city very few lights could be seen. There were very few people in this area, period. Finally he turned and opened the door, slamming it as he climbed out. Kevin followed.

Nick opened the back of the car and pulled out a rolled-up blanket, and when the door was closed he locked it, walking around the front to see Kevin waiting, his back to Nick. Nick licked his lips, shouldering past Kevin, striding through spotted groups of trees. He didn't look back, but he heard footsteps behind him and hoped it was Kevin or else there was a problem.

As the layers of trees thinned, they led out to an empty field, stretching as far as the eye could see with kept-up grass and spots of flowers. Nick continued walking before he froze, opening up the blanket, and laying it on the grass. He looked up at the sky, which was streaked with nighttime clouds. He took a deep breath and sat down on the blanket.

Kevin stood over the blanket. He watched Nick lay down and stare up at the sky. Kevin stayed stationary. He didn't fancy the idea of lying next to Nick, but he didn't want to stand there and watch him at the same time. Slowly, awkwardly, he lowered himself to the ground, sitting up next to Nick and staring straight at the endless field.

Finally, he grew tired of holding himself up, and he gave in to lying down. He lay stiff, trying his hardest not to brush shoulders with Nick. He heard Nick's breathing and swallowed, turning his head away from Nick's. There came a loud, decisive sigh, and then Nick spoke.

"The sky is beautiful tonight," he muttered.

"Nick, this is stupid." Kevin's voice held an undertone of distaste, a mixture of longing and hatred and other things he couldn't put a name to. Malice was one thing he didn't mean to convey, but he did. And he immediately regretted it.

Nick licked his lips. "I love stars."

"Stop fucking changing the subject," Kevin spat, and sat up so quickly he had to take a moment to regain his senses. "Or, wait, continue doing that, because you've been ignoring me for so long that it won't make a damned difference."

That touched a nerve. Kevin didn't know where it came from, because the words were tumbling so fast from his mouth that it was almost like he didn't have full control. The air grew tense, and Nick's breathing became shaky.

"I'm sorry."

Kevin whipped his head toward Nick. Sorry? "You're sorry?" The words came quick, flowing like a waterfall, and he didn't stop them because he didn't want to and he really didn't know how. "You're fucking sorry?! You ignored me for three whole entire months, you refused to answer the door when I went over, you let me think you were dead, and then you think you can show up and take me to a field and say sorry and I'll forget it?!"

Nick let out a whimper in response, and Kevin huffed. He was fuming. And he had every right to be, he thought.

"I-I thought–"

"What did you think, Nicholas?"

There was an audible gulp. "I thought you were better off–happier–without me."

Kevin's breath caught, and he choked on air. He fought for his breath, and tears welled in his eyes from both fright of choking to death and the response he'd been given.

"Nick," Kevin squeaked, "I was miserable."

"God, so was I," Nick replied, his breath shaking as he searched the sky. He didn't look at Kevin. He was afraid something bad would happen if he looked. He wrung his sweaty hands together. "I missed you."

"Why did you suppose I didn't need you?"

Nick sighed. "I was holding you back, Kevin. I could feel it. You didn't need me because I was this weight holding you down that you had to drag along everywhere you went because you felt that you had to." He looked to the right. "I was going to lose you either way." He stared back up at the sky. His eyes were stinging now.

"No," Kevin breathed, "no, no, why would you think that? What"–He laughed, because of the surreality of it all–"what on earth gave you that idea? You thought that I was calling you for no reason? I was worried sick! I loved you!"

He looked down at Nick and watched a tear roll down his cheek. Kevin sighed. "I still do."

Kevin clasped his hands together, looking around Nick's face. Nick let himself cry, and he didn't try to stop it. There was no reason. He sat up and looked at the blanket, toying with the fabric.

Nick felt Kevin's finger stroking his jaw and looked up slightly, swallowing the lump in his throat. Kevin's gaze softened.

Then Kevin leaned in, and fireworks went off in Nick's head. He had been caught off guard, and he almost flinched away. He kissed Kevin back. His lips were soft, and the cold touch of Kevin's fingers on his face sent a shiver down his spine. Nick felt Kevin's breath on his face and smiled against his lips. The soft brushing of noses against faces felt like something out of a romance movie. And yet, it was happening to him. He sighed, laughing softly. "I love you so much," he whispered.

Nick's hands traveled to Kevin's face, and he trailed his thumbs along Nick's cheeks, softly pulling away. He smiled, touching noses with Kevin, bumping foreheads. He licked his lips, opened his mouth, and decided against saying anything.

For him, now, the silence was good enough.