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All those Pesky Feelings

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         The first thing Raven notices when she returns to consciousness is the vacant spot in her mind.  There were no emotions swimming around and making her do crazy things like proposition Beast Boy.  'Holy shit,' she thinks as her eyes jump open revealing a dark green nipple attached to a slightly lighter green pectoral.  Well, this might be awkward in the near future.

         After last night's activities, losing her virginity and then sixty-nining with Garth, they had fallen asleep, sheets and blankets kicked to the end of the bed and huddled together for warmth. And while Raven had liked everything that had already happened, what was she supposed to do now?

        There was no uncontrolled lust rolling around inside her, just regular Raven was leftover.  Was it still okay to be here with Garfield after last night?  Something, somewhere deep within her, answered, "No."  Raven didn't think twice and phased through the room into a burning shower, using the heat to wipe away her sweat and uncertainty.  

      Although Raven dreaded the thought, she knew that there was no escape from Beast Boy and eventually they would need to talk.  That wouldn't have been a problem if Raven knew how to explain to her sensitive teammate that she had not intention of a repeat performance and even worse... she didn't love the green boy... not the way he deserved.  And she never could.

      Raven didn't know what love even was, but she did know that Garfield loved her.  Even more she knew that Beast Boy wouldn't understand, no couldn't understand, that they didn't belong together.  How could they?  Garth's emotions were constant and rolling stronger than anything else she'd ever experienced before Raven had met him all those years ago.  And Rae wasn't sure if service could handle that.  More than that she knew that Garth deserved better, except it wouldn't be easy to explain all that to Garth. Raven needed a Beast Boy expert.


        To say the least, when Cyborg went to bed last night, he didn't expect Raven to nearly burst down his door this morning and ruin his sleep at... Cy glanced at the clock, 4:16 in the God damn morning.  He wanted to kick her out, tell her to leave him alone and they could talk later when it wasn't four fucking sixteen, but Cyborg couldn't.  With one look at Raven’s face he could tell that whatever this was couldn't wait.

      Cyborg needed to reboot, or update, or ... or just do something to help him process.  Maybe if he baked something. Baking always helped him relax.  He could make muffins, banana nut, he could make them - ugh he could barely think the word - vegan so Beast Boy could have something to make him feel better.  If Cy needed to be soothed after having that shit bucket dropped on him then he had a feeling that Garth would need some real comfort to get over the fuck storm Raven was about to drop on him.

    "Raven," Cyborg started, "Let me get this straight."  He used both hands to rub his face while he got his thoughts together.  "You had sex with the kindest, most thoughtful, wears his fucking emotions on his damn sleeves, Garfield and now you want my help to crush his God damn heart."

     "Cyborg, you know it's not like that."  Shit, that's the worst part, he knew it wasn't like that at all.  Raven physically, or rather emotionally, couldn't be with Garth like that - not truthfully at least.

     "God, Rae this is a shit covered mess."  She nodded solemnly.  "It's like you took a bad situation, chugged a whole bottle of hot sauce and just took a dump all over this already coated in diaheria situation.  Like this couldn't have been worse if you had..."

     "I get it Cyborg," Raven said, her regularly monotone voice was colored with a hint of annoyance.  "Damn it, Cyborg, do you think I want all this?"  Her voice wavered along with all the tools on the shelf behind her, shit this is getting worse.  "It was a mistake yesterday, and ... and it can't happen again, Cyborg.  Already - after just one night, being this close to him is messing with my emotions and I might lose control."

     On her last word a glass jar holding screws flies off of the top shelf and crashes into the wall begins the window.  The glass shatters and the screws roll everywhere, curling around Cyborgs ankles and bouncing from his bed to the wooden floor.  Cyborg had originally had carpet in his room like the rest of the Titans, but after one too many oil spills he changed the flooring in his room.  "Fucking hell, Raven.  There's no easy way around this and you sure as shit can't sugar coat this and give that boy anymore hope."  He looks into Raven's eyes which quickly turn down in shame, embarrassment, acceptance?  Cy can't tell.

    "You do realize he loves you already?"  Another jar explodes, followed by another, and another, until all the containers neatly arranged on the shelf are just piles of glass with bits of metal mixed in.  Raven rises to her feet, dark cape flowing around her floating ankles as she phases through the locked door without sparing Cyborg or the mess a glance.  

    "That's why all of this is so difficult."  Her quiet voice fills the room even as she disappears from it.  "Well, fuck," Cyborg says to the empty room, cradling his throbing forehead in both hands.  

     "You can say that again."  Cyborg freezes, shoulders tense before he forces himself to look up and sees Garth step from the shadowed corner of his room next to the slightly cracked open window.

     "Fuck, fuck, fuckity fucking shit," Cyborg rants as he begins to pace the room.  "How long have you been standing there?"  

     "Give or take five minutes since Raven sneaked out of my bed," is the tight response that comes from the crossed armed green man.  Cyborg can tell Beast Boy is desperately trying to hold it together, but his damp eyes and trembling lips tell a different story.

    Cy groaned.  "Why wouldn't you say anything BB?" Cyborg is already shaking his head when Garth responds, expecting his answer.

     "I wasn't going to just wake you up, dude. That's just a dick move.  If I was gonna bother you with my problems I was going to let you get some sleep first."  Garth begins to physically tremble, his words starting to shake.  Cyborg stills his restless pacing and approaches his best friend one mechanical hand coming to rest on his sweatshirt covered shoulder.  

     "And then Raven came in and I just thought," he paused to shake his head, "I hoped, that it wasn't as bad as I had thought.  That maybe," tears start to fall from green eyes.  Beast Boy doesn't finish his sentence, doesn't need to finish his sentence because Cyborg knows.

     Beast Boy thought that maybe, if he tried hard enough, Raven would suddenly love him.