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Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come. Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum yum yum.

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Sirius let out a loud breath that he'd been holding in subconsciously. He rolled his shoulders back and grinned sexily at James (but in like a no homo way cause Sirius only sucked Remus' ding dong thank you very much). James patted him on the back, before pushing him out and onto the platform to wait for the hunk of a man who he was going to wrestle.

The man over the microphone started talking loudly and Sirius heard him say "AND HERE'S JOHNNNN CENAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Sirius' head turned to where John Cena was entering, his theme song playing. He wiggled his fingers at Sirius and winked before getting onto the platform as well, bowing towards the crowd.

"THank you, thank you, I'm John Cena" he said grinning widely, and throwing his arm around the ref. The ref beckoned Sirius over, and he confidently walked over to him and waved slightly. They exchanged small talk, and pleasantries as they were waiting for the match to begin. Sirius saw Peter, waving madly from the stands, as if trying to get his attention, but as usual, Sirius ignored it and kept talking to the delicious man. They became quite close in that short, short span of 10 munutes, and Sirius almost didn't want to fight him, but he knew, oh did he know, that he had to beat up the legendary John Cena, to win Remus' affections.

The bell to start the match rung suddenly, and the two quickly became friendly enemies, frenemies. As the match progressed, it was obvious that John Cena was winning. He had done whatever it is you do to get ahead in wrestling, but in the last round, Sirius decided that this was his last chance. His only chance to destroy John Cena, and get to kiss Remus on the booty. As Severus 'snivellus' Snape, walked around with the number that was this last round (in booty shorts, just imagine that for a second), Sirius came up with a game plan: flirt and then sit on his face, making it so he can't get back up. "Oh hawk yeah" he said quietly as the bell rang to start the round. He winked at Cena and ran a hand down his cheek before pushing him down and putting his badonkadonk right on his face. After a couple of seconds, John had stopped fighting it, and Sirius moved to his chest lightly. He threw his hands into the air whooping "OH HAWK YEAHHHHH, I BEAT JOHN CENA"

John Cena looked up at Sirius serenely. He was almost dead, the force of Sirius' booty was extremely fatal, even for a few seconds. He lightly tugged on Sirius' shorts, making him look down. As soon as Sirius was looking at him, not wanting to waste any time, he pulled at his neck. It was obvious that he was wearing a mask. The mask was lifted to show Remus Lupin, Sirius Black's one and only love. Sirius gasped loudly and cupped Remus' cheeks, a single tear slipping down his cheek dramatically. "Remus darling, my moon, my stars, my Sun, why would you do this?"

"I did it because I love you Siri. I'll be off to Pigfarts soon. (Draco malfoy singing the title in the background). And the sun is a star you dumbfuck." He whispered softly, before the light faded from his eyes. The room suddenly got dark.

"OUI, TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON, YOU POTATO, I'M TRYING TO HAVE A HEART TO HEART WITH MY SOULM8 HERE" Sirius shouted, and the lights quickly came back on. Smiling at that, Sirius looked back at Remus, to find him dead. Sirius would never love again. Remus was his butt buddy, and now, he was gone.

Sirius cried.
The end.