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First Time Conspirators

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Kurt locks the screen of his phone and leaves it face-down on his bed before walking downstairs to find something to eat and a pop. He could spend part of his Sunday afternoon packing for Nationals, but they don’t leave until Tuesday morning, and he knows he’ll have enough time on Monday evening. He has plenty of time on Sunday evening to do his homework, too, so he doesn’t need to spend his Sunday afternoon on that, either.

When he reaches the kitchen, the refrigerator door is already open, and Finn is peering inside. “Tell me there’s enough food in there for both of us,” Kurt says. “I require food to decide what I’m doing this afternoon.”

“I was making a sandwich, so there’s plenty of that stuff,” Finn says, “but aren’t you going to the thing?”

“The thing?” Kurt repeats. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“At Artie’s. The Dude-Day Tron thing.”

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kurt says.

Finn closes the refrigerator, his brow furrowed. “The thing at Artie’s house, where all the guys from glee club are going over to watch Tron. Two Trons, I guess, since it’s the old one from when Mom was young and the one that came out last year. He said he invited all the guys and it was a Dude-Day.”

“I suppose he preemptively decided that I wasn’t interested,” Kurt says, reaching past Finn to open the refrigerator for a pop.

“Mike wasn’t super interested in it, either, but he’s still coming.” Finn’s furrowed brow is now joined by a deep frown. “So Artie didn’t call you about it?”

Kurt shakes his head. “No. No calls or texts.”

“You’re sure?”

“You can double-check my phone if you like, but I’m sure,” Kurt says.

“Hang on,” Finn says, walking—no, more like storming—out of the room and upstairs. Just a few moments later, Finn’s loud voice echoes down the hallway, his actual words not clear but his tone obviously angry. After several more loud words, Finn comes storming back down the stairs and into the kitchen again. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine,” Kurt says.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Finn asks.

“Aren’t you… Tron-ing?”

Finn wrinkles up his face. “Are you kidding me? They didn’t invite you.”

“I likely wouldn’t have paid very close attention,” Kurt says. “What do you usually do in the spring?”

“You don’t like baseball, do you?” Finn asks. Kurt shakes his head. Finn’s face wrinkles up even more, like he’s thinking hard about something, then brightens. “Hey! How about you pick something, since you’re the one that Artie was kind of a dick to.”

Kurt thinks for a moment, discarding a few ideas in the interest of finding something they’d both enjoy. “Ice cream?” he says. “Not one of the chains, but Dietsch Brothers in Findlay.”

“Oh, dude, yeah, that’d be great!” Finn says.

“I’ll even let you pick the music, as long as it’s not country or all Journey,” Kurt says.

“What if it’s a little bit Journey?”

“Maximum Journey round-trip is two songs,” Kurt says.

Finn appears to consider it before nodding his head slightly. “But I get to drive, right?”


“Could I drive one way, and you can drive the other?”

Kurt shakes his head. “No.”

“Could I drive halfway one way, and you drive the other half of that way and the way back?” Finn asks. “Come on. I’ll be your best big brother!”

Kurt huffs, because he’s nearly five months older, and shakes his head again. “You can buy the ice cream, if you want.”

“Oh, can I?” Finn asks, an odd tone to his voice. “Can I?”

“Are you trying to sound sarcastic?” Kurt asks.

“Yes,” Finn says.

“It isn’t very well-developed,” Kurt says, trying to be diplomatic.

“It works on everybody else!” Finn says, waving his arms around. “Everybody else appreciates my sarcasm!”

“And I’m sure I’ll appreciate your ice-cream purchasing,” Kurt says brightly.

“You sure do get your way a lot,” Finn says.

“Do I?”

Finn shrugs. “It’s kind of like you’re the boss of everybody, but they don’t all know it yet.”

“That would make them unobservant then, wouldn’t it?” Kurt asks.

Finn shrugs again. “Well, you’re the boss of me, at least.”


“You get to drive,” Finn says, holding up one finger, then putting up a second as he continues, “and I have to pay,” then a third, “and there’s rules about what music I’m allowed to play.” He raises his pinkie, too. “And this was all my idea!”

Kurt smiles a little. “Hold that thought while I go get my phone and my wallet?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll just wait here for you to come back and be my boss some more,” Finn says.

Kurt shrugs and keeps smiling, then does go upstairs to get his phone, wallet, and keys. Once he gets back to the kitchen, he gestures towards the door to the garage. “Now we can go get our ice cream.”

“Yeah, I guess we can,” Finn agrees, following Kurt to the garage and walking around to get into the Nav’s passenger seat. On the drive to Findlay, Finn plays both of his allotted Journey songs, as well as several songs by bands that Kurt has heard coming out of Finn’s room quite often since the wedding.

When they get to Findlay and Dietsch Brothers, Kurt parks in the parking lot to the side of the building. “The only disappointing thing about Dietsch Brothers is the lack of good outdoor seating.”

“We could sit on the car,” Finn suggests.

“Only if you wanted to buy me ice cream and then find yourself stranded in Findlay.”

“We could sit on the grass,” Finn says.

“I think we just have to accept the indignity of eating ice cream indoors,” Kurt says dryly.

Finn shrugs dramatically enough that his arms flop. “Oh well. What can you do?”

“You can tell me what flavor you’re thinking of getting?” Kurt suggests as they walk inside.

“I was thinking cookie dough.”

“I’m trying to decide between strawberry cheesecake and the peppermint stick. It feels like getting away with something, having peppermint out of season,” Kurt says.

“Then you should totally go for the peppermint,” Finn says. “Live dangerously.”

“Don’t tell,” Kurt says in a hushed voice as they step up to the counter.

“Yeah, like I’d ever tell one of your secrets,” Finn says, with a little pshaw noise.

“Mutually assured destruction, brother dear.”

“Yeah, that.”

Kurt orders his peppermint stick ice cream and steps to the side for Finn to order. Finn gets a triple scoop of cookie dough in a waffle cone, then pays for both their ice creams. “Thank you,” Kurt says.

“No problem. People suck, and you deserve some ice cream,” Finn says.

“Also, we’re just deserving people,” Kurt says, taking a seat at one of the small tables inside. “Right?”

“Right,” Finn says. “And this is better than Tron. I didn’t even really want to see it. It looked dumb.”

“I don’t know what it’s about, but this is definitely better than being shushed by Artie and Sam,” Kurt says. “Do you think that Mike and Puck have been duct-taped?”

“Puck likes that kind of stuff sometimes, if the effects and the soundtrack are good enough,” Finn says.

“I can’t imagine either of them being quiet enough to suit Artie,” Kurt says.

“I bet Sam isn’t, either,” Finn says. “He really likes to talk about what’s happening in a movie during the movie.”

“So we’re missing Artie and three duct-taped friends,” Kurt says.

“I don’t know. I mean, would you really say we’re missing that? We have ice cream.”

“We’re missing the opportunity to take pictures, thus providing us with years of amusement,” Kurt says.

“There’s still time,” Finn says. “Probably Artie will plan a Dude-Day again, and this time he won’t be a dumbass and forget to call you.”

“We’ll have to remember to take knives, in case he tries to duct-tape us, too,” Kurt says. “If we’re prepared, we may be able to avoid it.”

“I kind of think I could take him in a fight, dude.”

Kurt sighs. “I’m afraid of him trying to say it’s not a fair fight.”

“Dude comes at me with duct-tape, I’ll show him how unfair I can fight,” Finn says.

“I’ll document it, in case there’s any question.”

“See? We’ve got each other’s backs.”

“As I’ve heard said, that’s not nothing,” Kurt says, taking a bite of his ice cream and watching Finn devour his cone. Despite dating Blaine, Kurt can still admit to himself it’s nearly too bad that his scheme to set up his dad and Carole was so successful. Finn’s not any less attractive than he was. On the other hand, Kurt knows that without the wedding, he wouldn’t be sitting in Findlay eating ice cream and having a far better Sunday than he’d anticipated. He can’t ignore that it’s far nicer than he could have thought, having a brother.

“We could get lunch on the way back,” Finn says. “I could even drive, if you’re tired.”

“I’m not falling for that ploy. I’ll drive, and you can tell me where you want lunch.”

“Yeah, ok, that’s cool, I guess. Hey, you can even pay!” Finn says.

“Oh? I could?” Kurt asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Sure, if it makes you feel more like the boss.”

“I’m pretty sure that executives have expense accounts,” Kurt says.

The corner of Finn’s mouth twitches before quirking up into a half-smile. “You’ve got that emergency card from Burt, right?”

“Sunday afternoon in May, with both of us hungry, that’s surely an emergency,” Kurt says as he nods, returning Finn’s smile. It won’t be the first time that Kurt’s fudged on the definition of ‘emergency’, but it’s the first time the two of them have conspired together. It feels better than Kurt anticipated, and his smile widens. There’s no reason for them to head back home or even to Lima for hours. “We’ll flip a coin to see which direction we turn.”