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5 Meditations on a Codependent Train Wreck

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1.
Skyler’s almost entirely convinced her husband is sleeping with this boy. She’d always wondered about him, even had a few suspicions of some of his students, while he was teaching. Now it’s different. This one is no longer illegal to fuck, and for whatever reason, he loves Walt.

Walt seems to treat him like shit, regardless, but the kid looks like the type with a lot of deep-seated daddy issues, so that probably works for him. She’s never heard him call Walt anything but ‘Mr. White.’ He probably calls him that in bed. Jesus, Walt probably gets off on it.

She’s briefly reminded of investing in a Britney Spears style schoolgirl uniform when Walt first announced going into teaching. In the beginning, they’d used it a lot.

She wonders if Walt does anything similar with Jesse. Roleplaying. She wonders if it even counts as roleplaying, since they actually were, at one point, student and teacher.

She briefly entertains the thought that Walt had an affair with Jesse while he was still in school. She remembers him bringing the boy up a lot over dinner or while discussing their days lying in bed with half-ignored reading material. She wonders if they’ve fucked on his desk.

The poor kid looks so miserable, she would almost feel sorry for him if it weren’t for everything that’s happened. He keeps trying to make small talk, but keeps getting shot down, and instead, she takes a sick satisfaction in his uncomfortable squirming.

“Did he tell you about my affair?” she asks abruptly, taking a sip of wine. Jesse looks horrified. He goes rigid, his eyes wide. “Uh -” he starts hastily. He looks at Walt. Always looks at Walt before he says any Goddamn thing. Walt must love that.

She almost sees it in his face. Does she know about ours? She can’t quite tell if she’s projecting. She wants to tell him “Yes, he never even had to say anything,” but doesn’t. Just takes another long drink of her wine.

Let him have the bastard.

2.
Mike doesn’t make anything his business unless it is, in the literal sense, part of his business. He doesn’t need to know why Jesse is so willing to kill for Walter, or why Walter’s only real bargaining chip seems to be his partner, occasionally even over his family - who are, according to Fring, the only reason he started this whole debacle.

He doesn’t need to know, but he can’t help but notice.

It’s almost cute, at first. Jesse’s a good kid, and he’s willing to do just about anything Walter asks. That’s a good quality to have in a partner, and so Mike gets it. He doesn’t needle at them, doesn’t need details - God help him if he ever found out details - and leaves them to their own devices.

But not too long after Gale, it starts to bother him. Not enough to do anything drastic about it, of course. If he’s not getting paid to do it, it isn’t his business. But he tries. Pulls Jesse aside a few times, tries to get through to him. At least a little. The kid doesn’t deserve all this.

Jesse’s blind to it, though. Constantly defends every crazy-ass mistake the asshole’s made. Mike guesses Walter’s the first person to show him any affection, however rarely, in so many years, that it no longer matters what Walter does.

Walter could probably get away with shooting Jesse in the face and Jesse’s dying thought would be an attempt to rationalize it so that he still came out on top. The thought makes Mike angry, briefly, but he lets it go.

It’s not his business.

3.
Jane knows this man is not her tenant’s father. She knows that if her tenant still has a father, they haven’t actually spoken in years. No one gets away with a fake name like ‘Jesse Jackson’ unless they know they’re safe from anyone who matters.

She doesn’t really want her mind to go there, but it does. This guy seems like the type that would creep on fresh meat, and frankly, Jesse - she assumes that the first name is real - seems the type to welcome affections from older men. Probably due to, as she guessed earlier, not actually having a father.

She’s not stupid, she knows he was flirting with her when he signed the lease and she knows it was genuine interest. But she went to art school. She understands that sexuality isn’t as straightforward as everyone tries to make it.

She wonders if there’s more than sex here. Probably not for the man hammering on Jesse’s door, but probably for Jesse. He seems the type for that, too.

4.
Saul doesn’t want to know. He’s never wanted to know. He remembers the two of them walking into his office together and explicitly thinking I don’t want to know. That hasn’t changed since.

Sometimes he thinks he’s overreacting. He has to be. Walt loves his wife and kids so much he started selling meth to keep them safe. Not the way Saul would’ve done it, it always seemed a bit backward to him, but whatever. The man obviously loves his family, so what could he possibly see in Jesse Pinkman? It can’t be what he’s thinking, it just can’t.

But then they’ll be separated for whatever reason and it’s like he’s seeing Jack watching Rose get on the lifeboat all over again. After the incident with Fring’s lackeys sends Jesse into hiding, they’re both nightmares to deal with. Walt especially.

Then again, Walt’s always a nightmare to deal with. Walt hates everyone who isn’t Jesse, and when Jesse’s not around, that means there’s no buffer between him and all that hate. Sometimes Saul isn’t entirely convinced that Walt doesn’t hate Jesse, as well, but he won’t let go of him, either way.

Not that it matters to Saul, because he doesn’t want to know. He doubts he’s walking out on a Somersby moment, but he leaves the two of them alone, anyway, and goes to play some skeeball.

5.
Gus understands, he does. He wishes he didn’t. It makes his job difficult. He is not entirely sure if they have ever acted on it or not, but he knows it is there. Frankly, he can’t see any other reason why Walter would keep a partner like Jesse Pinkman. The boy is far from stupid, but he is reckless and dangerous, and quite often the reason for their troubles.

Walter refuses to be rid of him, threatens to quit his whole operation without Jesse Pinkman as his partner. Gus remembers feeling that way. He remembers not caring if he lived or died, because his partner was gone, and what was the point. When Pinkman is gone, Walter’s work ethic plummets, as well. Never unprofessional, but always angry.

When Gus has Walter removed, he threatens to kill his entire family if he returns to Pinkman, but Walter seems unfazed. His whole reason for doing this, and the threats mean nothing. Walter knows that Pinkman still has not turned on him, is confident that he won’t.

Gus schools his face. He isn’t sure, but he is willing to bet he can change the boy’s mind.

Walter looks entirely unafraid, even at the threat of his newborn daughter’s life. His face is that of a man who is absolutely certain. Jesse Pinkman will not turn on him. Gus wonders, if now, they have acted on it. If they have, Walter is right, and no matter what Gus does for Pinkman, the boy will not change his mind.

He’s furious, but he can’t show it. Can’t let Walter know he’s right, not again. He leaves the man crouched in the desert and drives away.