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national hot dad alliance is now calling...

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July 30, 2015
11:37 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: bro
HOOT HOOT: bruh
ur favorite lolcat: BRO
HOOT HOOT: BRUH
ur favorite lolcat: BR O
HOOT HOOT: B R U H
ur favorite lolcat: MY BROIEST OF BROS
HOOT HOOT: SUPREME BRUH

[cut for length]

12:02 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: … anyway dude what did u want
ur favorite lolcat: oh
ur favorite lolcat: right
ur favorite lolcat: i was thinking
HOOT HOOT: dangerous pastime bruh
ur favorite lolcat: well u know i always live dangerously
HOOT HOOT: bruh … last week u refused to finish a bag of potato chips bc it touched the ground for 2 seconds
ur favorite lolcat: just because i live dangerously doesnt mean i have to be unhygienic bro cmon
ur favorite lolcat: but that isnt the point
ur favorite lolcat: the point
ur favorite lolcat: is
HOOT HOOT: yesssssssssss?
ur favorite lolcat: i think we should start a group chat
ur favorite lolcat: with sawamura
HOOT HOOT: sawamura?
ur favorite lolcat: karasuno’s captain
HOOT HOOT: RIGHT
HOOT HOOT: WAIT
HOOT HOOT: BRUH
HOOT HOOT: DOES THIS MEAN
ur favorite lolcat: i thought we could all help each other out
ur favorite lolcat: with like
HOOT HOOT: SEX
ur favorite lolcat: captainy things
ur favorite lolcat: WHAT NO
HOOT HOOT: ;)
ur favorite lolcat: HE HAS A BOYFRIND
ur favorite lolcat: BOYFRIEND
ur favorite lolcat: SHIT
HOOT HOOT: u know what else he has?
HOOT HOOT: a gr8 ass
ur favorite lolcat: bro pls im serious
HOOT HOOT: im serious
ur favorite lolcat: hes a good captain and i want advice
HOOT HOOT: but like
HOOT HOOT: what kind of advice
ur favorite lolcat: did u notice that his team actually listens to him?
ur favorite lolcat: like … they actually call him sawamura-san
HOOT HOOT: my team calls me bokuto-san
ur favorite lolcat: thats only bc ud go into emo mode if they didnt
HOOT HOOT: HEY AT LEAST IT WORKS
ur favorite lolcat: i tell it like i see it
HOOT HOOT: but
HOOT HOOT: ok
HOOT HOOT: sawamura seems like a chill guy
HOOT HOOT: even if our teams are definitely better than his
ur favorite lolcat: obviously
HOOT HOOT: also he would be fun to mess with
ur favorite lolcat: yesssss
HOOT HOOT: ohoho?
ur favorite lolcat: ohohoho ;o
ur favorite lolcat: ill make a group chat later
HOOT HOOT: wait sawamura has a skype?
HOOT HOOT: wait u KNOW sawamura’s skype???
HOOT HOOT: ??????????
ur favorite lolcat: kenma knows hinata’s and hinata knows sawamura’s
HOOT HOOT: HINATA!!!!!!!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: I LOVE HINATA
HOOT HOOT: LETS INVITE HINATA INTO THE GROUP CHAT
ur favorite lolcat: he’s not a captain
HOOT HOOT: BOO
ur favorite lolcat: i can give u his skype though
HOOT HOOT: BOO REDACTED

 

July 30, 2015
6:42 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat created CROWS CATS OWLS UNITE

ur favorite lolcat added HOOT HOOT, Sawamura Daichi

ur favorite lolcat: ohoho?
HOOT HOOT: ohohoho
HOOT HOOT: wait bro ive gotta show u i found the coolest video earlier
HOOT HOOT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4txVqr1eNwc
ur favorite lolcat: where did u find this candid footage of me
HOOT HOOT: i was FILMING IT bruh
ur favorite lolcat: BRUH

[cut for length]

7:51 P.M.

Sawamura Daichi: What the fuck.
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURAAAAAA
ur favorite lolcat: SAWAMURA WHAT A DIRTY MOUTH
ur favorite lolcat: WHAT WOULD YOUR CHILDREN SAY
Sawamura Daichi: There are … 568 unread messages?
HOOT HOOT: YOU TYPE WITH CORRECT PUNCTUATION
Sawamura Daichi: Yes?
HOOT HOOT: I LOVE U SAWAMURA
Sawamura Daichi: Thank you?
Sawamura Daichi: Who are you?
HOOT HOOT: ………………
HOOT HOOT: dont talk to me any more
ur favorite lolcat: lol
Sawamura Daichi: ...
Sawamura Daichi: Bokuto?
ur favorite lolcat: ur a smart guy sawamura

Sawamura Daichi would like to add you as a contact.

You and Sawamura Daichi are now connected on Skype!

7:54 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: HEYHEYHEY
HOOT HOOT: HEY SAWAMURR
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURAA
Sawamura Daichi: Hello Bokuto.
Sawamura Daichi: Hello … Kuroo, I’m assuming?
ur favorite lolcat: damn straight
ur favorite lolcat: or well
ur favorite lolcat: not straight
ur favorite lolcat: but u get the point
HOOT HOOT: ohohohoho
Sawamura Daichi: But what is this, exactly?
ur favorite lolcat: a group chat
HOOT HOOT: GROUP CHAT
Sawamura Daichi: Which is?
HOOT HOOT: GROUP CHAT
Sawamura Daichi: That doesn’t answer my question.
ur favorite lolcat: a chat
ur favorite lolcat: with a group
ur favorite lolcat: havent u ever used skype before?
Sawamura Daichi: Suga helped me make an account last summer when he went to stay with his aunt and uncle in Korea for two weeks.
HOOT HOOT: AWWWWW
HOOT HOOT: thats adorable
ur favorite lolcat: how is sugawara?  howre u guys?
Sawamura Daichi: Fine?  I’m not sure why you’re asking me.
ur favorite lolcat: why dyou think
HOOT HOOT: WE CARE ABOUT U SAWAMURA
Sawamura Daichi: You barely know me.
HOOT HOOT: BUT WE WANT TO
ur favorite lolcat: thats the purpose of this chat
ur favorite lolcat: for us to exchange techniques and stuff
Sawamura Daichi: Oh.  Okay.
Sawamura Daichi: I can get behind this.
Sawamura Daichi: So, Kuroo, what new strategies is Nekoma planning to use in their next match against Karasuno?
ur favorite lolcat: sawamura you ain’t slick

 

August 7th, 2015
7:12 P.M.

Sawamura Daichi: Hey guys, is anyone online?
HOOT HOOT: IM HERE SAWAMURA
Sawamura Daichi: You know how you helped Tsukishima with blocking during the training camp?
HOOT HOOT: YEAH
HOOT HOOT: MAN that was a good week
Sawamura Daichi: Do you have any thoughts on teaching him to spike better?
Sawamura Daichi: My strength is in receives, Suga and our coach are both setters, and our ace is scared of him, so we don’t really have anyone to teach him.
HOOT HOOT: your ace? the big guy?
Sawamura Daichi: Yeah, Azumane.
HOOT HOOT: because tsukishima’s taller…?
HOOT HOOT: im pretty sure azumane’s still twice his weight
Sawamura Daichi: It’s not the height, he’s just scared of everything.
HOOT HOOT: ...alright
HOOT HOOT: hmmm
HOOT HOOT: first off he needs to trust his setter more
Sawamura Daichi: Easier said than done.
HOOT HOOT: he isnt gonna want to hear this but hes gotta put speed first, let the setter take care of accuracy
HOOT HOOT: id be nowhere w/o a reliable setter
HOOT HOOT: brb im gonna tell akaashi that itll make him happy
Sawamura Daichi: I’ll ask Suga to work with him while still letting him think on his own.
Sawamura Daichi: With Kageyama, I can usually convince him that something’s his own idea, but Tsukishima is too smart for that.
Sawamura Daichi: He’s got a lot of potential, you know.
HOOT HOOT: TRUST ME I KNOW
Sawamura Daichi: How’s Akaashi?
HOOT HOOT: he said “i know” and then told me to leave him alone so he could focus on homework
HOOT HOOT: hes still here though so whos the real winner
HOOT HOOT: (its me)
Sawamura Daichi: Whatever makes you happy.
HOOT HOOT: OH ALSO tsukishima clenches his shoulders a lot
HOOT HOOT: he tries to hit hard with the strength of his muscles rather than the speed of his arm
HOOT HOOT: should be the other way around
HOOT HOOT: if that makes any sense at all
Sawamura Daichi: It does, actually.
HOOT HOOT: get him to be more fluid about it
Sawamura Daichi: Thanks, that was...surprisingly helpful.
HOOT HOOT: IM SMART SOMETIMES YKNOW
Sawamura Daichi: Any advice for Hinata, while we’re at it?
HOOT HOOT: YEAH
HOOT HOOT: EXORCISE HIM TO MAKE SURE THAT QUICK ISNT FUCKIN WITCHCRAFT
HOOT HOOT: then send him to fukurodani so i can see him every day
Sawamura Daichi: No.

 

August 9, 2015
7:13 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA ARE U AWAKE
Sawamura Daichi: I am.
Sawamura Daichi: Why?

HOOT HOOT sent a picture

Sawamura Daichi: Are those Hello Kitty pajamas?

HOOT HOOT sent a picture

HOOT HOOT: A CLOSE-UP
Sawamura Daichi: Oh my god is that Sharpie.
HOOT HOOT: ITLL WASH OFF
HOOT HOOT: EVENTUALLY
Sawamura Daichi: It’s on his FACE, he’ll get ink poisoning.
HOOT HOOT: URBAN MYTH
HOOT HOOT: IVE DRAWN ON KUROOS FACE MANY TIMES AND HES STILL KICKING
Sawamura Daichi: ...Whatever.
Sawamura Daichi: Why are you sharing this with me?
HOOT HOOT: BECAUSE IVE ALREADY SENT IT TO EVERYONE IN NEKOMA
HOOT HOOT: BUT NONE OF THEM ARE AWAKE TO APPRECIATE IT
Sawamura Daichi: I’m not sure Kuroo would appreciate this.
HOOT HOOT: THATS THE POINT
Sawamura Daichi: Also, how did you manage to do that?
HOOT HOOT: oh
HOOT HOOT: he slept over at my house after a video game marathon last night
HOOT HOOT: this happens sometimes
Sawamura Daichi: Who won?
HOOT HOOT: ME OBVIOUSLY
HOOT HOOT: IM THE GREATEST
Sawamura Daichi:
HOOT HOOT: well actually kuroo won
HOOT HOOT: but ive got blackmail for days so WHOS THE REAL WINNER
HOOT HOOT: HAHA SUCKER

9:27 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: bokuto koutarou i am going to end you

 

August 13, 2015
8:02 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: sawamura
ur favorite lolcat: hey sawamura
Sawamura Daichi: Yes?
ur favorite lolcat: when ur away from practice for a day
ur favorite lolcat: does this ever happen?
Sawamura Daichi: Does what ever happen?
ur favorite lolcat: shit i forgot to send the link hold on
ur favorite lolcat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgHW02YF50s
Sawamura Daichi: What is this?
Sawamura Daichi: When mom is not home?
Sawamura Daichi: I’m not a mom.
ur favorite lolcat: i mean yeah ur a dad but
ur favorite lolcat: its the same concept
HOOT HOOT: BRO
ur favorite lolcat: BRUH
HOOT HOOT: I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVED THAT MEME
ur favorite lolcat: THE MOST QUALITY MEME
Sawamura Daichi: Please don’t ever send this to Hinata.
Sawamura Daichi: What’s a meme?
HOOT HOOT: lol brb
ur favorite lolcat: uh
ur favorite lolcat: oh cmon bro
ur favorite lolcat: in my hour of need and everything
HOOT HOOT: I JUST NEED TO MESSAGE HINATA GIVE ME A BREAK
Sawamura Daichi: You have Hinata’s Skype?
HOOT HOOT: ME N HINATA ARE BROS
Sawamura Daichi: So that’s why he still won’t shut up about you.
HOOT HOOT: omg really
Sawamura Daichi: He wants to be an ace, you know.
HOOT HOOT: HE WANTS TO BE JUST LIKE ME
HOOT HOOT: OMG
HOOT HOOT: im gonna steal him
Sawamura Daichi: Don’t you dare.
Sawamura Daichi: That’s off topic, though.
Sawamura Daichi: What is a meme?

ur favorite lolcat sent an image

ur favorite lolcat: you
ur favorite lolcat: you are a meme
Sawamura Daichi: That’s just a picture of me? With “what is a meme” written over it in white font?
Sawamura Daichi: What does this have to do with the trombone video?
ur favorite lolcat: wow look at the time
ur favorite lolcat: gn
Sawamura Daichi: Kuroo, it’s only 8:20.
HOOT HOOT: HINATA SAYS HE AND NISHINOYA ARE GONNA DO THE VIDEO
HOOT HOOT: WHEN SUGA ISN’T HOME
Sawamura Daichi: Neither of them live with Suga!
Sawamura Daichi: Bokuto, do YOU understand memes?
HOOT HOOT: OH SHIT I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE A TRULY TERRIFYING AMOUNT OF HOMEWORK TO FINISH TONIGHT
HOOT HOOT: TTYL
Sawamura Daichi: WHAT IS TTYL?
Sawamura Daichi: Bokuto!
Sawamura Daichi: ...Argh.

 

August 15th, 2015
8:18 A.M.

Sawamura Daichi: I asked Hinata what a meme is.
HOOT HOOT: OHOHOHOHO
HOOT HOOT: WHAT DID HE SAY
Sawamura Daichi: He said to Google it, and I told him I don’t know what a Google is, and he wouldn’t stop laughing.
HOOT HOOT: omg
ur favorite lolcat: bokuto you chose a good protege
Sawamura Daichi: Guys.

ur favorite lolcat changed the title to sawamura daichi is a meme

Sawamura Daichi: GUYS.

 

August 19, 2015
2:05 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: ok sawamura
HOOT HOOT: bc its very late and i feel bad for u

HOOT HOOT changed the title to CROWS CATS OWLS UNITE

HOOT HOOT: and heres what a meme is
HOOT HOOT: http://static3.techinsider.io/image/55ba6d1f371d22dd2e8ba492-1106-1012/screen%20shot%202015-07-30%20at%202.31.57%20pm.png

8:11 A.M.

Sawamura Daichi: I still don’t get it.
ur favorite lolcat: lol

12:53 P.M.

Sawamura Daichi: So a meme is … like an internet fad.  A picture or video or text.  That people find funny for a limited amount of time?
Sawamura Daichi: And a lot of variations are made on it?
Sawamura Daichi: And sometimes these variations are funny, but other times they contribute to killing the meme?
HOOT HOOT: WTF WHO TOLD U
Sawamura Daichi: Shimizu, our manager.
Sawamura Daichi: She’s very smart.
ur favorite lolcat: i hate to break it to u sawamura
ur favorite lolcat: but u dont have to be very smart to understand memes
ur favorite lolcat: u just need a sense of humor
Sawamura Daichi: What?  I have a great sense of humor!
Sawamura Daichi: I laugh at Suga’s jokes all the time.
ur favorite lolcat: that doesnt count
Sawamura Daichi: Why not?
ur favorite lolcat: shit ttyl ive gotta get back to class
Sawamura Daichi: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!
HOOT HOOT: dont you mean
HOOT HOOT: what does it meme
HOOT HOOT: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

8:08 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: shit i just realized
ur favorite lolcat: sawamura
ur favorite lolcat: did u just start going around
ur favorite lolcat: asking everyone on ur team what memes are
Sawamura Daichi: I brought it up at our after-practice meeting, actually.
Sawamura Daichi: Why?
ur favorite lolcat: hahahahaha
ur favorite lolcat: im so happy we made this chat

 

August 25, 2015
4:56 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: crow dad are you online
ur favorite lolcat:
ur favorite lolcat: cmon i need help

5:39 P.M.

Sawamura Daichi: Sorry, practice just got out.
Sawamura Daichi: Suga says hi and that it was nice seeing you guys this weekend.
ur favorite lolcat: ohoho
ur favorite lolcat: ill give you guys some privacy if you want
Sawamura Daichi: We’re just walking home?
Sawamura Daichi: What do you need?
Sawamura Daichi: Asahi says hi too.
Sawamura Daichi: Also, I’m not a dad.

Sawamura Daichi’s nickname is now Dadchi.

ur favorite lolcat: whatever you say
Dadchi: Change that back.
ur favorite lolcat: anyways
ur favorite lolcat: you didn’t hear this from me and i’ll claw you apart if you tell your team but
ur favorite lolcat: i noticed this weekend. nekoma isn’t as close as karasuno is.
ur favorite lolcat: and i need to fix that
ur favorite lolcat: besides me and kenma, it feels like we’re teammates but not friends
ur favorite lolcat: working together but not playing together
ur favorite lolcat: we’re cohesive but not cohesive enough
Dadchi: How do I change my name back?
ur favorite lolcat: ill tell you if you help me
Dadchi: Alright.
Dadchi: How much time do you guys spend together outside of practice?
ur favorite lolcat: uh
ur favorite lolcat: you guys do that?
Dadchi: Yeah. You don’t?
ur favorite lolcat: just me and kenma
Dadchi: Usually we’ll get food together after evening practice. The first-years really like pork buns, so I buy them those a lot.
Dadchi: And the weekend before a tournament, they generally sleep over my house.
ur favorite lolcat: to practice?
Dadchi: No, to watch movies and eat junk food and play video games and that sort of thing.
ur favorite lolcat: oh
ur favorite lolcat: isn’t that kind of hard on you
ur favorite lolcat: and your wallet
Dadchi: It makes them happy. Besides, my house is the only one big enough for all of us.
Dadchi: Also, I’m guessing Kenma’s grades are fine, but four of our starters don’t do too well in school, so it’s my job to make sure they’re getting help.
Dadchi: Oh man, Kageyama has a literature test tomorrow...
Dadchi: Be right back, I have to text him.
ur favorite lolcat: did you actually just type out brb
ur favorite lolcat: that’s precious
Dadchi: Don’t know what that means.
Dadchi: I hope he learns how to study before I’m gone…
ur favorite lolcat: don’t you have any second-years who could hold him to it?
Dadchi: Tanaka and Nishinoya are worse than he is.
Dadchi: Maybe Ennoshita.
ur favorite lolcat: ennoshita?
Dadchi: He’s in line to be captain.
ur favorite lolcat: a captain who isn’t a starter?
Dadchi: He’s the leader of the second-years, and he’s good at understanding people.
Dadchi: Being a good captain has nothing to do with being a good volleyball player.
ur favorite lolcat: this is becoming evident
Dadchi: Okay, I gave you advice, now tell me how to change my name back.
ur favorite lolcat: lol no way
Dadchi: Kuroo.
ur favorite lolcat: this is way too good
ur favorite lolcat: besides its revenge
Dadchi: For what?!
ur favorite lolcat: you and bokuto spammed the chat with 200 messages of bird facts two nights ago and thats just unforgivable
ur favorite lolcat: sorry dad
Dadchi: KUROO.

9:07 P.M.

Dadchi: SUGA WON’T TELL ME HOW TO CHANGE MY NAME BACK.
HOOT HOOT: hahahahahahaha

 

September 9, 2015
12:14 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: okay so about this buying your first years pork buns thing
Dadchi: It doesn’t have to be pork buns.
Dadchi: Just get them food.  Show that you appreciate them.
ur favorite lolcat: but theyre pains in the ass
Dadchi: They’re your pains in the ass.
HOOT HOOT: dadchi thats the most dadlike thing ive ever heard u say
Dadchi: Do you guys want my help or not?
ur favorite lolcat: im gonna get them a communal litterbox
Dadchi: Kuroo, no.

 

September 20, 2015
5:07 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: DO U KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS
HOOT HOOT: DO U

5:41 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: DOES ANYONE
HOOT HOOT: WHERE IS EVERYONE

6:16 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: YOUVE ALL BETRAYED ME

6:47 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: ALL OF YOU
HOOT HOOT: BETRAYERS

7:05 A.M.

Dadchi: Bokuto, we were all asleep.
Dadchi: What where you doing up at 5am?
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA DO U KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS
Dadchi: September 20th?
HOOT HOOT: AAAAAAARGH

7:29 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: happy birthday bokuto
HOOT HOOT: WHERE WERE U 2 HOURS AGO
ur favorite lolcat: asleep
HOOT HOOT: WTF
HOOT HOOT: UR NO LONGER INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY
ur favorite lolcat: ill just get kenma to get akaashi to tell me where it is

8:13 A.M.

Dadchi: Oh, so that’s what day it is.
Dadchi: Happy birthday, Bokuto!
HOOT HOOT: THANK U SAWAMURA
HOOT HOOT: FOR MY PRESENT CAN U GIVE ME HINATA
Dadchi: No.
HOOT HOOT: OH WELL WORTH A SHOT

 

September 24, 2015
3:21 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: BOKUTO
HOOT HOOT: KUROO
ur favorite lolcat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POZ4CcJILWw
ur favorite lolcat: FOUND THE SEQUEL
HOOT HOOT: WHAT

3:25 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: WHY COOL GUY
HOOT HOOT: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

October 4, 2015
4:32 P.M.

Dadchi: Hey, Kuroo.
ur favorite lolcat: sawamura
ur favorite lolcat: whats up
Dadchi: Can you tell Kenma that Hinata is very sorry, but his phone died, and he’ll reply to his text as soon as he gets home after practice?
ur favorite lolcat: sure
ur favorite lolcat: kenma nodded a bit
ur favorite lolcat: yamamoto says to tell tanaka that he is a good man
ur favorite lolcat: and that its fucking hilarious that you didnt know what a meme was
Dadchi: Did you tell ALL of them?!
ur favorite lolcat: maybe
Dadchi: Hinata says, once again, to tell Kenma that he’s sorry.
Dadchi: I told him I’d already relayed the message, but he insisted.
HOOT HOOT: WTF I WANT A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM HINATA
Dadchi: Hinata says he thinks you’re very cool.
HOOT HOOT: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: TELL HIM I THINK HES VERY COOL TOO
Dadchi: He just made that excited crow noise.
HOOT HOOT: I LOVE THE EXCITED CROW NOISE
HOOT HOOT: TELL HIM I LOVE THE EXCITED CROW NOISE
Dadchi: Okay, this is ridiculous.  I have a practice to run.
Dadchi: I’m not relaying messages anymore.
HOOT HOOT: NOOOOOO
HOOT HOOT: BUT HINATA
HOOT HOOT: MY TINY CROW SON
ur favorite lolcat: u can literally message him whenever bokuto
HOOT HOOT: RIGHT NOW HIS PHONES DEAD THOUGH
HOOT HOOT: D: D: D:
ur favorite lolcat: bro akaashi just texted me to tell you to get back to practicing
ur favorite lolcat: stop angsting about ur crow son and go spike or whatever
HOOT HOOT: OK I AM GOING
HOOT HOOT: BUT I LOVE HINATA

7:23 P.M.

Dadchi: BOKUTO.
Dadchi: HINATA IS NOT YOUR SON.
ur favorite lolcat: oh no is dadchi gettin madchi
Dadchi:

7:31 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: BRO I THINK U BROKE HIM

 

October 16, 2015
5:21 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: i would just like to announce
ur favorite lolcat: that it is my favorite setter’s birthday
HOOT HOOT: dude akaashi’s birthday is in december
ur favorite lolcat: im talking about kenma
ur favorite lolcat: you dumb owl
HOOT HOOT: im sorry
HOOT HOOT: but my setter is cuter than yours
ur favorite lolcat: do u wanna GO
HOOT HOOT: I HAVE 146 PICTURES OF AKAASHI RIGHT HERE ON MY PHONE
Dadchi: Guys, please don’t fight.
Dadchi: We all know who the real cutest setter is.
ur favorite lolcat:
Dadchi: Sugawara Koushi.
ur favorite lolcat: HOW DARE YOU
ur favorite lolcat: COME IN HERE
ur favorite lolcat: AND INSULT MY SETTER
ur favorite lolcat: ON HIS BIRTHDAY
HOOT HOOT: AND MY SETTER
Dadchi: Okay.  I think we need to stop this.
HOOT HOOT: YOU STARTED IT
ur favorite lolcat: actually bokuto u started it
Dadchi: Are both of you literally five years old?
ur favorite lolcat: yep
HOOT HOOT: YEAH
Dadchi: Can we just agree that we all have attractive setters?

5:49 P.M.

Dadchi: Can we?
HOOT HOOT: yeah ok
ur favorite lolcat: but know that this is only bc bokuto and i have fought over this before
ur favorite lolcat: and miyagi is too far to go just to fight someone
ur favorite lolcat: at least as long as im unemployed
Dadchi: … Okay?
ur favorite lolcat: this isnt over sawamura

 

October 19, 2015
10:12 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: hey sawamura
ur favorite lolcat: i hear ur team got through the miyagi prelims
ur favorite lolcat: guess some of the stuff you saw at the training camp mustve really rubbed off on u huh
ur favorite lolcat: or the teams in miyagi just arent as strong as the teams in tokyo B-)
Dadchi: My team works very hard, I’ll have you know.
Dadchi: And what … is that?
ur favorite lolcat: its called an emoji
ur favorite lolcat: ;)
Dadchi: Why is it winking at me?
ur favorite lolcat: it wants to jump ur bones
ur favorite lolcat: i think it looks a bit like sugawara
HOOT HOOT: HEYHEYHEYHEY
HOOT HOOT: OH MAN SAWAMURA DOESNT KNOW WHAT EMOJI ARE
HOOT HOOT: THIS IS A NEW LOW
Dadchi: I don’t understand the point.
ur favorite lolcat: emojis are for when you cant fully express your emotions in words
ur favorite lolcat: skypes are weird af though
HOOT HOOT: i like them
HOOT HOOT: i like this one :D
ur favorite lolcat: my favorite is :3c
HOOT HOOT: nooooo
Dadchi: What is that?
ur favorite lolcat: its a cat face
ur favorite lolcat: the : are my eyes
ur favorite lolcat: the 3 is my mouth
ur favorite lolcat: the c is my paw, which I am putting to my mouth
Dadchi: I don’t really get it.
ur favorite lolcat: you strike me as a -_- man
Dadchi: That makes no grammatical sense.
Dadchi: Why are there hyphens but no words?
HOOT HOOT: theyre eyes and a mouth
Dadchi: No, they’re definitely hyphens?
HOOT HOOT: jeez what are you ushiwaka?
HOOT HOOT: use your imagination
Dadchi: I guess I see it.

 

October 25, 2015
5:25 P.M.

Dadchi: Guys, I have an announcement.
ur favorite lolcat: are u and sugawara tying the knot for real?
Dadchi: What?  No.
HOOT HOOT: IS IT THAT KARASUNO KICKED SHIRATORIZAWA’S ASS AND WON THE MIYAGI FINALS
Dadchi: Yes!
Dadchi: How did you know?!
HOOT HOOT: HINATA
HOOT HOOT: WEVE BEEN SNAPCHATTING ALL WEEKEND

HOOT HOOT sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat: wow ive never seen so many exclamation points in one place before
Dadchi: Is that … a picture of Kageyama crying?
HOOT HOOT: I THINK SO
Dadchi: I’d better go check on him.
Dadchi: See if he’s okay.
HOOT HOOT: NAH BRO I THINK HE’S JUST EXCITED
ur favorite lolcat: for good reason
ur favorite lolcat: karasuno hasn’t been to nationals in a while, right?
Dadchi: Not since before my time.
Dadchi: And if I had to admit it … I’m really excited, too.
Dadchi: I remember in my first year, the captain said we’d try to go to nationals.  And it seemed like an impossible goal at the time, but he told us that if we ever had the opportunity - strong players, good teamwork - we should work as hard as we could to seize that opportunity.
Dadchi: And now it’s really happened.  It feels a little surreal.  But I’m so proud of everyone on the team.
Dadchi: Shit.
HOOT HOOT: sawamura are you crying?
Dadchi: Why would you ask that?
ur favorite lolcat: hes definitely crying
ur favorite lolcat: dont be ashamed bro
ur favorite lolcat: its ok to cry
HOOT HOOT: THATS NOT WHAT YOU TOLD ME LAST WEEK
ur favorite lolcat: bro u were crying over snakes
HOOT HOOT: THEY DONT HAVE ANY ARMS
ur favorite lolcat: anyway sawamura
ur favorite lolcat: don’t get too cocky yet
ur favorite lolcat: nationals is no walk in the park
HOOT HOOT: YEAH!  YOU MIGHT HAVE TO FACE ONE OF US
Dadchi: Don’t remind me.
ur favorite lolcat: cat vs crow!  battle of the garbage heap!  on the national stage!
Dadchi: That would be something, alright.
Dadchi: I know our coach would love it.
ur favorite lolcat: ours too
HOOT HOOT: EXCUSE U FUKURODANI MIGHT WIN U NEVER KNOW
Dadchi: When are your spring high matches?
ur favorite lolcat: they're more spread out - quarterfinals are in a few weeks, and then semifinals two weeks after them
ur favorite lolcat: nekoma and fukurodani are up against each other in the semifinals if we both win our matches before that
HOOT HOOT: WAIT REALLY
ur favorite lolcat: bro dont u pay any attention to the bracket?
ur favorite lolcat: ur the captain
HOOT HOOT: BUT AKAASHI’S SO MUCH BETTER AT THAT STUFF
Dadchi: Well, good luck to you both.

 

October 27, 2015
10:38 P.M.

Dadchi added perfectkawa ✌

perfectkawa ✌: hellooooo losers
perfectkawa ✌: did you miss me?  ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

Chapter Text

October 27, 2015
10:38 P.M.

Dadchi added perfectkawa ✌

perfectkawa ✌: hellooooo losers
perfectkawa ✌: did you miss me?  ٩(♡ε♡ )۶
ur favorite lolcat: what
ur favorite lolcat: the
ur favorite lolcat: everloving
HOOT HOOT: SHIT
HOOT HOOT: OIKAWA HOW DID U GET IN HERE
Dadchi: I invited him.
ur favorite lolcat: ……
ur favorite lolcat: y
Dadchi: He’s also a captain.
Dadchi: Isn’t this supposed to be for captains?
ur favorite lolcat: this is supposed to be a safe space
perfectkawa ✌: I AM A SAFE SPACE
perfectkawa ✌: I LOVE SPACE
perfectkawa ✌: THERE ARE ALIENS IN SPACE
HOOT HOOT: REALLY SINCE WHEN
perfectkawa ✌: THEYVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE
perfectkawa ✌: u just have to belieeeeeeve (((o(*゚▽゚*)o)))
HOOT HOOT: woah how did u do that
perfectkawa ✌: what?
HOOT HOOT: that cool face thing!!!!
perfectkawa ✌: aliens
perfectkawa ✌: โ๏∀๏ใ
Dadchi: So, this is okay, right?
Dadchi: That I added him.
Dadchi: Sorry I didn’t ask first.
perfectkawa ✌: i hope u dont treat refreshing-kun like this daichi
HOOT HOOT: ITS COOL
HOOT HOOT: ive always wanted to talk to u bro!!!
HOOT HOOT: ive heard really cool things about ur setting
perfectkawa ✌: (۶•̀ᴗ•́)۶
perfectkawa ✌: you’re bokuto koutarou right?
HOOT HOOT: YEAH THATS ME
HOOT HOOT: THE INCREDIBLE SPIKER
HOOT HOOT: FUKURODANI’S ACE
perfectkawa ✌: iwachan saw one of your matches when he was in tokyo for a family thing once
perfectkawa ✌: he said you werent bad
perfectkawa ✌: v v high praise from iwachan!!!!
HOOT HOOT: iwachan?????
Dadchi: I think that’s Iwaizumi Hajime.  Seijoh’s ace.
HOOT HOOT: OHHHHH
HOOT HOOT: WHAT KIND OF SPIKES DOES HE DO
perfectkawa ✌: he can do a lot of different kinds!!!  he’s especially good at straights and back attacks though
perfectkawa ✌: he’s really strong (╯3╰)
HOOT HOOT: I BET HES NOT STRONGER THAN ME
perfectkawa ✌: i wouldnt be so sure about that

perfectkawa ✌ sent a picture

Dadchi: Wow, that’s …
Dadchi: Very close up.
perfectkawa ✌: u jealous sawamura (ʘ‿ʘ)
ur favorite lolcat: why are you kissing it
perfectkawa ✌: IF YOU WERE NEXT TO IWA-CHAN’S TRICEPS YOU’D BE KISSING THEM TOO
HOOT HOOT: U WANNA GO OIKAWA

HOOT HOOT sent a picture

Dadchi: I feel so bad for Akaashi.
Dadchi: In the background.  He looks so tortured.
HOOT HOOT: THATS NOT WHAT UR SUPPOSED TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS SAWAMURA
Dadchi: Oh.  Sorry.
ur favorite lolcat: you made him come into your bathroom to take a bicep selfie?
HOOT HOOT: FOCUS ON THE ACTUAL BICEPS PLZ
perfectkawa ✌: well disregarding that
perfectkawa ✌: what’s up with this chat title?
perfectkawa ✌: where is seijoh ((((゜д゜;))))
HOOT HOOT: what even is your mascot
HOOT HOOT: plants?
perfectkawa ✌: me, obviously
perfectkawa ✌: ヽ(๏∀๏ )ノ
ur favorite lolcat: oh sorry let me fix that

ur favorite lolcat has renamed this conversation to "cats > birds"

Dadchi: Excuse you.

Dadchi has renamed this conversation to "birds > cats"

perfectkawa ✌ has renamed this conversation to “alien investigation squad

perfectkawa ✌: much better (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

ur favorite lolcat has renamed this conversation to “national hot dad alliance”

Dadchi: None of us are fathers, Kuroo.
ur favorite lolcat: maybe not in theory
HOOT HOOT: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF IM GONNA ADOPT HINATA
Dadchi: OVER MY DEAD BODY.
HOOT HOOT: hahaha
HOOT HOOT: not a father my ASS
Dadchi: Okay, NOBODY would let you adopt children.
HOOT HOOT: hey now I’d be a great dad D:
ur favorite lolcat: bro last night you told Sawamura that during the training camp you taught hinata how to pick locks with a credit card so you could get into the kitchens and steal gummy bears
HOOT HOOT: LIKE I SAID
HOOT HOOT: A GREAT DAD
perfectkawa ✌: guys stop spamming (*´д`*)
perfectkawa ✌: it keeps scrolling me back down to the bottom again
ur favorite lolcat: like you’re not a bottom by default anyway
perfectkawa ✌: HEY NOW
perfectkawa ✌: you’re right
perfectkawa ✌: BUT STILL, CUT IT OUT
ur favorite lolcat: fine, fine

 

October 28, 2015
2:04 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: OK I JUST STAYED UP UNTIL 2AM READING THRU ALL OF THIS BS
perfectkawa ✌: COMPLETELY FORGOT TO DO MY MATH HW
perfectkawa ✌: AND THERE ARE NO MENTIONS OF ME IN THE CHAT
perfectkawa ✌: NOT EVEN ONE
perfectkawa ✌: THERES FOUR HUNDRED MESSAGES OF SAWAMURA TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT A MEME IS BUT NO MENTION OF ME
perfectkawa ✌: THERES A MENTION OF USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI BUT NO MENTION OF ME
perfectkawa ✌: IVE BEEN ROBBED
perfectkawa ✌: ROBBED
perfectkawa ✌: IM SUING ALL OF YOU
Dadchi: Oikawa, go to bed.
perfectkawa ✌: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dadchi: You’ll burn yourself out if you don’t get enough sleep.
perfectkawa ✌: STRONG WORDS FROM SOMEONE WHO IS ALSO STILL UP
Dadchi: In my case, it’s because I was actually doing my math homework.
perfectkawa ✌: OH GOOD
perfectkawa ✌: CAN U HELP ME UNDERSTAND INFINITE SERIES
perfectkawa ✌: BC I DONT
perfectkawa ✌: AND IWACHAN IS EITHER ASLEEP OR IGNORING ME
Dadchi: I don’t understand it too well myself, but I can try.
Dadchi: Do you have an example problem?

perfectkawa ✌ sent a picture

perfectkawa ✌: here’s one!

[cut for length]

7:56 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: sawamura daichi how are u literally an angel
Dadchi: What?
Dadchi: Are you confusing me with Suga?
ur favorite lolcat: oikawa tooru, with possibly the worst personality in miyagi prefecture
ur favorite lolcat: and you still helped him out of a lurch
perfectkawa ✌: um wow @ me next time?
ur favorite lolcat: you heard me
perfectkawa ✌: whatever i understand infinite series now
perfectkawa ✌: nothing can upset me
perfectkawa ✌: ( ̄へ ̄)
ur favorite lolcat: star trek sucks
perfectkawa ✌: OKAY WOW

 

October 31, 2015
5:13 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: happy halloween guys!
ur favorite lolcat: happy spookening
perfectkawa ✌: im dressing up as an alien
ur favorite lolcat: NICE
perfectkawa ✌: iwa-chan says to tell you guys i’ve been an alien every year since we were six
ur favorite lolcat: truly shocking
perfectkawa ✌: are you dressing up?
ur favorite lolcat: naw
ur favorite lolcat: dinner and then watching the nightmare before christmas with my setter and my cat
ur favorite lolcat: cat says hi
perfectkawa ✌: tell her i say hi back!
perfectkawa ✌: your setter too
ur favorite lolcat: cat meowed, setter did not react
Dadchi: Happy Halloween!
HOOT HOOT: HI SAWAMURA ARE YOU CELEBRATING WITH KARASUNO RIGHT NOW
HOOT HOOT: ILL TAKE HINATA OUT IF YOU DON’T
Dadchi: Would you stop trying to steal my kids?
Dadchi: And no, I’m not. That’s later.
ur favorite lolcat: >Dadchi, 5:21 p.m.
                            “my kids”
                            RAISES EYEBROW
Dadchi: I MEANT KOUHAIS AND YOU KNOW IT.

 

November 7, 2015
6:52 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: KENMA IS GENTLY PATTING MY ARM
ur favorite lolcat: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
perfectkawa ✌: your setter???
ur favorite lolcat: OH no she’s my cat

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

perfectkawa ✌: aaaaaah
ur favorite lolcat: aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
HOOT HOOT: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
perfectkawa ✌: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
ur favorite lolcat: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

HOOT HOOT: aah
perfectkawa ✌: AAH
HOOT HOOT: AHHHHHH!
Dadchi: I come home to this.

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat: SHE’S SO CUTE
Dadchi: You named your cat Kenma?
HOOT HOOT: HEYHEYHEY
HOOT HOOT: EVERYONE’S ONLINE
ur favorite lolcat: NICE
ur favorite lolcat: ohhhh can we call?
Dadchi: On the phone?
Dadchi: I don’t think I want you to have my number.
ur favorite lolcat: lmao too late
ur favorite lolcat: but no a video call
HOOT HOOT: YES
perfectkawa ✌: a chance for you all to see my face~? well, if you insist
Dadchi: What’s a video call?
perfectkawa ✌: the best thing that’ll happen to you all day, if I’m there~~~
Dadchi: Somehow, I don’t believe that many tildes.
Dadchi: >ur favorite lolcat, 7:04 p.m.
             
“lmao too late”
             What exactly do you mean by this?
ur favorite lolcat: do you have a webcam and microphone?
Dadchi: I think so.
Dadchi: Answer my question.
ur favorite lolcat: then just press the video call button
HOOT HOOT: wait, I’ll host, I’ve got wired connection right now

national hot dad alliance is now calling...

perfectkawa ✌: WHAT’S GOING ON I CAN’T HEAR ANY OF YOU
ur favorite lolcat: unfortunately we can still see you
HOOT HOOT: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HOOT HOOT: NICE KILL KUROO
perfectkawa ✌: D: D: D: D:
perfectkawa ✌: wait nvm figured it out

Call ended, duration 0:45.

HOOT HOOT: DAMM;IT
ur favorite lolcat: sawamura what did u do
perfectkawa ✌: sawamuraaaa (ᗒᗩᗕ)՞

7:13 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: sawamura
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA
HOOT HOOT: WHERE ARE YOU SAWAMURA
ur favorite lolcat: deny thy father and refuse thy name
perfectkawa ✌: what?
ur favorite lolcat: havent you ever read shakespeare
perfectkawa ✌: no kuroo-chan
perfectkawa ✌: im not a nerd like u ( *д*):・’.::・(ーー; )
ur favorite lolcat: bull Shit
HOOT HOOT: TELL US AGAIN ABOUT THE ALIENS IN OUTER SPACE OIKAWA
perfectkawa ✌: okay i can tell ur making fun of me but aliens are definitely real
perfectkawa ✌: ive seen at least thirty movies on real ufo sightings i know this for a fact
ur favorite lolcat: do go on
Dadchi: Hey everyone.
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURAAAAA
perfectkawa ✌: ah just in time to hear my wisdom on aliens
Dadchi: Sorry about that group call accidentally ending thing.
Dadchi: My computer started making a weird screeching noise, so I closed it and threw it across the room.
ur favorite lolcat: p sure that was just bokuto
HOOT HOOT: confirmed
ur favorite lolcat: try again?
ur favorite lolcat: oikawa can tell us about the aliens face to face

national hot dad alliance is now calling…

“Sawamura’s still - ah, there's the man!” Bokuto’s voice was as loud as ever, but luckily for Daichi, it had a volume control now. He ticked his computer’s volume down a few notches.

“Hey, guys. Can you see me?”

“Nope. Press the video button.”

Daichi frowned, clicking a few things at random.

“No, that’s the mute button - press it again - okay, okay, we’re good.”

“Thank god.”

One by one, the black rectangles on Daichi’s screen faded into video feeds. Bokuto was perched in a desk chair, and Kuroo was sprawled out on his stomach with his laptop in front of his face, propping his chin up in his hands. In the background, Daichi could see that both of their rooms were both disaster zones - he suddenly felt a little better about the scattered clothes thrown haphazardly around his own. Oikawa’s room, on the other hand, was impeccably neat, with organized boxers and drawers, and what might have been an ironing board in one corner. The room also featured a Star Wars wall hanging, an I WANT TO BELIEVE poster, and no fewer than four lava lamps. It was, however, lacking Oikawa.

“Where did Oikawa go?”

“He said he wanted food before he told us about aliens,” answered Kuroo. “Hold on tight, I’m moving.” Suddenly the screen was shaking as Kuroo picked up his laptop.

“AAAAAAAAA!” Bokuto cried out in mock terror.

“I got you, bro, I got you! Trust me.”

“I trust you.  You’re my rock, bro.”

“Where are we going?” asked Daichi warily.

“Just my desk, I was uncomfortable.” Kuroo settled into his chair, pulling his legs up into his chest. His taste in pajamas was really awful - he was wearing skin-tight leggings made of skin-colored fabric. Wait, that wasn’t fabric.

“... Kuroo, are you wearing pants?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re lying.”

“... Yeah.”

“Hey guys!”

“I have never been so glad to hear your voice,” Daichi told the recent arrival truthfully.

Teal and white fabric briefly covered his window, and then Oikawa Tooru was dropping down cross-legged into his own chair, a milk bread roll smeared with marmalade in each hand.

“Hey, Oikawa!” Bokuto waved at his camera. Oikawa beamed back.

“You guys wanted to hear about aliens, right?”

“Please, tell us,” drawled Kuroo.

If Oikawa heard the sarcasm dripping off his voice, he only smiled wider. “Well! It started with - let me grab you a link - this one painting. The Madonna with Saint Giovannino .”

perfectkawa ✌: http://vikings.history.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/the-madonna-with-saint-giovannino.jpg

What is that supposed to look like if not a UFO?”

“It certainly is an object that’s unidentified and flying,” Bokuto agreed, “but that doesn’t mean it’s aliens.”

Oikawa grinned. “Aha, but what is it if it isn’t aliens?”

“Even if it is, Oikawa, I don’t think one painting proves existence of aliens,” said Daichi.

He scowled. “I’m just giving you context . Anyway, another thing is that archaeologists have found elongated skulls that clearly don’t belong to humans or any known human ancestor. Like this one.”

perfectkawa ✌: http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/09/article-2245471-166DE85F000005DC-583_634x448.jpg

Bokuto clicked open the link, then gasped. “Whoa. Dude, that’s freaky.”

Isn’t it? ” Oikawa was positively glowing. “And we have no explanation for it! It’s clearly not terrestrial life!”

Kuroo, however, squinted at his screen. “Bro, that’s from Indiana Jones.”

“No, no,” interjected Daichi, “it looks like it’s in a museum. It must be for real.”

“I saw that movie in theaters, it’s definitely from Indiana Jones.”

Oikawa sniffed. “Well, if it’s from Indiana Jones, then call me the newer, better Harrison Ford, because the truth is out there. As for confirmed sightings - okay, give me a moment, I need to get my whiteboard.” He hopped up and darted out of the frame.

“He has a whiteboard? ” asked Daichi to nobody in particular. Bokuto made an I-don’t-know noise.

“Okay!” Oikawa had dragged an easel whiteboard into the view, half of which was covered by a Sharpie map of the world. He picked up a red marker. “So, the countries I’m coloring in right now are ones with more than ten confirmed sightings of UFOs or strange lights in the sky. The ones I’m going to color in blue are the ones with more than fifty.”

Bokuto whistled. “Jeez, where do you get this stuff?”

“Mostly online,” answered Oikawa, still busily drawing. “The government doesn’t want you to know what they know, so you can’t talk about it in public. I’ll send you one of the best sites.”

perfectkawa ✌: http://www.truthbeknown.com/aliens.htm

Kuroo clicked the link, and raised a doubtful eyebrow. “Something about that URL doesn’t sound too reliable.”

“It’s published on a web site,” Daichi protested. “It has to be reputable.”

“And some of the astronauts who went to the moon talked about seeing strange flying spacecraft alongside theirs. Even the former director of NASA said that there were aliens sighted flying next to their ships.”

“Maybe there’s a reason he’s a former director,” Kuroo suggested.

Bokuto furrowed his brow, and his eyes scanned back and forth across his screen. “Bro, take a closer look at this - some of it is pretty legit.”

“Are you serious.”

“He’s right,” agreed Daichi. “If so many people on the online say so, then I believe it too.”

“This is really cool, bro,” Bokuto told Oikawa sincerely.

Oikawa returned to his seat with a smile, carefully scooting his desk chair sideways so that the map itself was visible. “I knew you guys would come around!”

Kuroo sighed. “I don’t understand.”

“Understand what? Oikawa asked. “I can explain it again if you need.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s that … How are you guys all so smart about volleyball, and yet?” Kuroo leaned back in his chair and tipped his head up, as though to ask the gods for answers.

“I won’t take criticism from someone who isn’t wearing pants,” Oikawa retorted.

“That’s a pretty fair point,” put in Daichi.

“I also painted a glow-in-the-dark star map on my ceiling with Goldilocks zone planets highlighted in silver,” said Oikawa, “but my webcam doesn’t pick it up.”

Kuroo groaned. “Oh my god, can we talk about something that’s not aliens. Like-”

He cut himself off, but not before the other three members of the call started staring at him as though he was one of the alien sightings on Oikawa’s websites.

“Like?”

Kuroo squirmed. “I don’t know. Volleyball. Boys. Girls. Memes. Why Oikawa has four lava lamps in his room.”

“You definitely had something particular in mind,” Oikawa said, “and if it’s better than aliens, I want to hear about it.”

“Literally anything is better than aliens.”

Daichi pointed a warning finger at his camera. “Kuroo, aliens definitely exist. You’re outvoted on this one.”

“Okay, but we can talk about things that normal teenagers talk about. Like, I don’t know, romance - you know a lot about romance, don’t you, Sawamura?” His attempt to pass off the subject casually was a complete failure.

“You’re in a romance?” Bokuto asked.

“No! I would’ve told you, bro! But - if someone, hypothetically, wanted to be-”

Daichi frowned at him. “Kuroo, what are you getting at? It’s weird that you’re flustered about something.”

“Just hypothetically.”

“This is not hypothetical,” chirped Oikawa.

“H ypothetically . If I hypothetically - um.”

Bokuto squinted at his screen. “Bro, are you blushing?

“Oh my god,” Oikawa crowed with delight, “you’re redder than your jersey. If you want Sawamura’s advice on a huge gay crush, just spit it out instead of pretending you’ve got yourself under control.”

“ROASTED!” Bokuto hooted with laughter, and Kuroo buried his face in his hands. Daichi, on the other hand, seemed honestly surprised.

“Wait, Kuroo has a crush?”

Bokuto laughed harder. Oikawa groaned. Kuroo made a pitiable noise from behind his hands.

“Bro,” Bokuto said, “that took you way too long.”

“Well,” said Daichi slowly, “I don’t really know why you’re asking me about that sort of thing …”

“Sawamura, it’s kind of obvious,” Oikawa told him.

“Yeah,” Bokuto agreed, “you’re the only one of us who could answer.”

“Alright, I suppose I’ll take the compliment. I would say… If you want to attract them, be nicer.”

“I am nice,” protested Kuroo.

Daichi shook his head.  “I mean outwardly nice. Smile sincerely, help your team stay refreshed, and support the younger members. It’s okay to be a little mischievous sometimes, but it’s very attractive when someone is genuinely caring - why are you guys all looking at me like that?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Bokuto hastily reassured him.

“...Okay.” Daichi shifted in his chair. “Well, I hope that helped.”

Kuroo sighed. “Thanks, Sawamura.”

“You’re welcome.” He paused for a moment before adding, “Oikawa, would you stop eating? I’m getting a lot of static from your end.”

“Can’t,” Oikawa replied through a mouthful of food, “it’s my beauty milk bread.”

“Beauty?” Kuroo snorted.

Oikawa swallowed, with difficulty. “I mean, I’m definitely the most attractive person here.” His self-assured smile had clearly never been told otherwise.

Bokuto grinned into his webcam. “Yeah? Check this out.” He hitched up the sleeve of his t-shirt and flexed, allowing the muscles to shift smoothly under his skin. “How do my biceps taste, twig-arms?”

“That’s pretty hot, bro.”

“Thanks, bro. But don’t be gay.”

Kuroo’s eyes widened. “Me? Gay? You know I’m straight, bro.”

“Just making sure, bro. We’re all straight here, right?”

“I’m the straightest.” Oikawa’s face was the picture of innocent honesty. “I’ve slept with eighteen girls this week, and it’s only Mond-”

“You’re a damn virgin,” Daichi interrupted bluntly. Oikawa gasped as Bokuto and Kuroo roared with laughter.

“I trusted you!”

“Am I wrong?” Oikawa’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he closed it with a snap and glared somewhere off-screen. “That’s what I thought.”

Savage, Sawamura.”

“Now, now, it’s all good as long as he’s straight. Because we’re all straight. And a straight bro can tell a straight bro that his arms look hot.” Kuroo smirked. “But my abs are definitely hotter.”

“Ohoho? Put your muscle mass where your mouth is.”

Kuroo stood up, sending his face out of the frame and his chest into it, then pulled up his shirt.

“NICE.” Bokuto whistled, and Kuroo swung his hips from side to side, sliding his hands down over his hipbones.

“Oh my god, cut it out,” Daichi groaned. “You’re literally the gayest.”

“Guilty as charged.” Kuroo settled back down into his desk chair. “Your turn, Sawamura.”

“Wh-what?”

“Go on, show off your best feature.”

“It’s obviously the thighs.”

“Show us the thighs that make up for Karasuno’s shitty receives, Sawamura.”  Oikawa leaned forward in his chair, grinning a smile full of half-chewed milk bread.  A few crumbs fell onto his desk.

Daichi set his jaw and glared at the rectangle on his screen that contained Oikawa. “Not if you say it like that.”

“Aw, c’mon, it’s only fair.” The logic was flawed, but Bokuto’s pout was hard to resist, and he relented.

“Ugh, fine. But give me a minute to change, I’m in long pants right now.”

“You could strip,” offered Kuroo.

“No.” Daichi clicked his video and audio feeds off, although he could still hear the conversation.

“How did you make him do that?” Kuroo demanded.

Bokuto’s grin was audible in his voice. “I’m cuter than you, bro.”

“Lies, I’m adorable.”

“Oikawa, who’s cuter, me or Kuroo?”

“Obviously I am.”

Daichi’s video feed flickered back on. “None of you are cute at all.”

“Eyyy, Sawamura! Bring it on.” Bokuto leaned forward, as if that would help him see any better.

“Okay, okay.” He stood up and tilted his camera downwards, then hitched up the legs of his shorts to show his thighs.

Several noises happened at once, all along the lines of wailing. Daichi swiftly tipped his camera back upwards. “Are you guys oka - oh my god.”

Kuroo had gotten on his knees in front of his desk and was praying. Bokuto had mock-fainted and was lying half out of the frame. There were tears in Oikawa’s eyes.

“So sculpted…” sniffled Bokuto. “I thought Akaashi’s were perfect…”

Dadchi’s nickname is now Quad God.

Kuroo crossed himself. “So, Sawamura’s legs, Oikawa’s face, my abs, Bokuto’s arms ... Together, we make one full hot person.”

“Can you really call it hot when it’s got Oikawa’s head?” Daichi asked.

“There’s not enough in Oikawa’s head to change anything significantly anyway.”

“I’m still here , you know!”

“Besides, I wouldn’t contribute my legs to Frankencaptain. I need them.”

“Right, right, how could we forget about Sugawara’s claim.”

“...What?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Don’t pretend, we’ve all seen how he watches your legs.”

“Boyfriend privileges,” moaned Bokuto. “Access to Sawamura’s thighs every day .”

“I can’t even imagine,” agreed Kuroo.

“HOLD UP.” Daichi held up a hand. “ Boyfriend?

The chat went quiet.  Very quiet.  Cicadas could be heard in the distance.

Finally, Bokuto ventured, “Isn’t Sugawara your boyfriend?”

“No!”  Daici’s face went very red.  Kuroo attempted to pull out his phone to document the transformation, but unfortunately, he wasn’t fast enough - the Karasuno captain switched off his video camera before he could line up the shot.

“He definitely seems like your boyfriend,” Oikawa said.  “I can tell.  My gay-dar has a ninety-nine percent success rate.”

“Yeah, you guys are, like, basically married,” Kuroo added.

Bokuto nodded, even though Daichi couldn’t see him.  “You were holding hands for the whole training camp.”

“We weren’t!” Daichi’s disembodied voice exclaimed.

“Seemed like you were.”

“Nah bro, that was just in the version of the training camp in that one dream you had,” Kuroo said.

“Oh.  Right.”  Bokuto pointed double-finger guns at his camera.  “You’ve always got my back, bro.”

Kuroo blew a kiss at his screen. “Anything for you, bro.”

“Bro.”

“Bro…”

7:42 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: FOR THOSE WHO ARENT IN THE CALL
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA AND SUGAWARA AREN’T DATING
perfectkawa ✌: bokuto we are literally all here!
HOOT HOOT: I WANTED IT DOCUMENTED
HOOT HOOT: FOR POSTERITY
HOOT HOOT: ALSO: MY ARMS + KUROO’S ABS + SAWAMURA’S LEGS + OIKAWA’S FACE MAKES ONE HOT CAPTAIN
HOOT HOOT: IM DOCUMENTING THIS SO THAT SCIENCE KNOWS WHAT TO DO WHEN GENETIC ENGINEERING EXPANDS TO HUMANS
Quad God: Since when do you know what genetic engineering is?
HOOT HOOT: HEY I GET GOOD GRADES

Daichi fizzled back on screen.  His face was still slightly red, but it had shifted from fire hydrant to something more pastel.  “Okay, but seriously, can we talk about why all of you thought I was dating Suga?”

"If you aren’t, you should be,” Oikawa told him.  “He looks at you the way I’ve been trying to catch Iwa-chan looking at me for years.”

“He what ?”

“You never noticed?” Kuroo asked.  “Man, you’re worse than Lev.  And Lev has walked into walls multiple times.”

Daichi planted his hands on his hips. “I’m observant!”

Oikawa’s eyes widened. “You aren’t mad , are you, dad? Just disappointed?”

He was thoroughly ignored. “I can tell when Asahi’s really nervous, or when Kageyama is off his game, or when Hinata’s about to throw up, or -”

“Or when Sugawara’s turned on?” Oikawa interrupted.

And Daichi’s blush returned in full force.

“Actually, wouldn’t it be kind-of hard for you to tell?” Bokuto wondered, all innocence.  “Since it usually happens when he’s behind you.”

Daichi opened his mouth, then closed it a few times.  He bore a stunning resemblance to a fish.

“Guys, we should probably stop tormenting him,” Kuroo said.  “I’m sure he’s mad enough about the lack of sugar in his spice already.”

For a moment, there was silence.

“I’m leaving,” Oikawa announced.

Bokuto lunged for his computer screen.  “No, Oikawa, wait -”

Oikawa shut his laptop with a snap .

“Well,” Kuroo said.

“Then,” Bokuto added.

Daichi linked his hands together and stretched his arms high above his head, letting his back crack. “I should probably go too, guys. I have a paper due tomorrow.”

“Really?” Kuroo asked.  “Is it on the color of Sugawara Koushi’s eyes, and how they change in different lights and to reflect his moods? Oh, wait, no, fuck, don’t -”

Daichi shut his laptop.

Bokuto looked at Kuroo.

Kuroo looked at Bokuto.

“It’s just you and me, bro,” Bokuto said.

Bokuto put his hand over his heart. “ Bro.

“Bro, do you know what my favorite periodic element is?”

“What is it, bro?”

Bromine.”

“Bro, why?”

“Because, bro, you’re all mine.”

Bro.”

The conversation continued in a similar vein until Bokuto, who had moved to his bed, drifted off to sleep. Kuroo spent twenty minutes taking screenshots of him drooling on his pillow before a text reminded him that he did, in fact, have homework to do.

Call ended, duration 2:08:12.

11:21 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: tbh im very disappointed that sugawara and sawamura arent dating
ur favorite lolcat: not just bc of him but also bc of me
ur favorite lolcat: now i have no friends to ask for relationship advice
Quad God: Okay, two things.
ur favorite lolcat: oh shit youre awake
Quad God: First: friends?
ur favorite lolcat: im ur friend
Quad God: Are you, now?
ur favorite lolcat: um yes
ur favorite lolcat: what else do you call this
Quad God: Tolerance?
Quad God: And second: is this what you kept dancing around in the call earlier?
ur favorite lolcat: i wasnt DANCING AROUND anything okay
Quad God: Mmhmm.
Quad God: So, yes, then?
ur favorite lolcat: idk dude its just
ur favorite lolcat: setters
ur favorite lolcat: yknow
Quad God: Apparently I do.

11:29 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: hey sawamura
Quad God: Why are you messaging me outside of the group chat?
ur favorite lolcat: ah
ur favorite lolcat: nvm
Quad God: Wait, no, tell me
Quad God:
Quad God: Kuroo.
ur favorite lolcat: lmao if you insist
Quad God: You knew I’d get curious, don’t pretend.
ur favorite lolcat: are we friends????
Quad God: I suppose so.
ur favorite lolcat: that doesnt sound very promising
Quad God: You make fun of me a lot.
ur favorite lolcat: thats what friends do!!!
ur favorite lolcat: im helping make u a better person
Quad God: I find that hard to believe.
Quad God: Also, I’m probably the last person you should ever ask for relationship advice.
ur favorite lolcat: im starting to realize that yeah

12:02 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: we are friends though
ur favorite lolcat: right?
Quad God: We are.
Quad God: Now go to sleep.

 

November 10, 2015
8:06 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: so sawamura, hows your not-boyfriend?
Quad God: Oh god. Did you have to bring that up?
Quad God: It’s been three whole days and I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.
Quad God: Like.
Quad God: I DIDN’T consider Suga in that way before, at all.
Quad God: But now that I am.
Quad God: ARGH.
Quad God: It’s not like I like him like that , you know?
Quad God: At least, I didn’t think I did? But I keep noticing how pretty he is.
Quad God: He’s pretty, isn’t he? It’s not just me?
Quad God: He’s very pretty.
Quad God: And I feel really weird inside when he laughs.
Quad God: I don’t get crushes very frequently, so how would I know what makes it a crush?
Quad God: I’ve always prioritized my team above romance.
Quad God: My team, and Suga.
Quad God: ...Oh.
Quad God: I’m kind of a mess, aren’t I.
HOOT HOOT: LMAO
perfectkawa ✌: well that was the gayest thing i’ve read all day
ur favorite lolcat: i understand completely
ur favorite lolcat: altho at least im a bit more self-aware than you are
ur favorite lolcat: there’s something about setters
perfectkawa ✌: (¬‿¬)
ur favorite lolcat: no not you
perfectkawa ✌: MEAN (╯︵╰,)
ur favorite lolcat: speaking of hot setters though
ur favorite lolcat: bro how’s akaashi doing
HOOT HOOT: aw bro it’s not like that
HOOT HOOT: I mean hes very hot but its not like that yknow
ur favorite lolcat: he can handle your moods, can’t he?
HOOT HOOT: bro so can you
ur favorite lolcat: he does it all the time
ur favorite lolcat: and youre always together
HOOT HOOT: i guess lmao
ur favorite lolcat: :3c
Quad God: Get that paw away from your mouth.
ur favorite lolcat: :3                c
Quad God: -_-
HOOT HOOT: you’re making progress sawamura

 

November 14th, 2015
8:39 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: HEY KUROO
HOOT HOOT: IF ALIENS DONT EXIST THEN EXPLAIN THIS
HOOT HOOT: https://33.media.tumblr.com/0137832275d587329721abbb3468046f/tumblr_inline_mq4d5ieNls1qz4rgp.gif
ur favorite lolcat: oh jesus christ
Quad God: Bokuto, you know I agree with you, but I don’t think that’s real video footage.
perfectkawa ✌: it’s obviously because his mom cam home and made hte spaghetti
perfectkawa ✌: (*▼▽▼*)
ur favorite lolcat: ive made my mistakes

 

November 17, 2015
7:02 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: KUROO
HOOT HOOT: BRO
HOOT HOOT: BRUH
HOOT HOOT: BROSICLE
HOOT HOOT: BROTATO CHIP
HOOT HOOT: BROHEMIAN RHAPSODY
perfectkawa ✌: bokuto wtf the fuck are u doing
HOOT HOOT: KUROO AND I
HOOT HOOT: WE MADE PLANS FOR A BRO DATE
HOOT HOOT: BC ITS HIS BIRTHDAY AND STUFF
HOOT HOOT: BUT HES NOT ANSWERING THE DOOR
Quad God: Shouldn’t you just call him?
HOOT HOOT: I TRIED THAT
HOOT HOOT: MULTIPLE TIMES
HOOT HOOT: I ALSO TRIED FACEBOOK TWITTER SNAPCHAT TUMBLR AND INSTAGRAM
perfectkawa ✌: did u try carrier pigeon
HOOT HOOT: I DID NOT
HOOT HOOT: I MIGHT IF HE CONTINUES NOT ANSWERING

7:06 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: HOW DO U TRY CARRIER PIGEON

7:10 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: KUROO
HOOT HOOT: KUROOOOO
HOOT HOOT: BRO I KNOW UR DOORBELL WORKS COME ON
HOOT HOOT: I CANT BELIEVE THIS

7:14 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: DID U GET ABDUCTED BY ONE OF OIKAWAS ALIENS OR SOMETHING
perfectkawa ✌: ok first of all theyre not my aliens
perfectkawa ✌: they are under the control of various alien leaders
perfectkawa ✌: and second of all he better not get abducted by aliens before i do
HOOT HOOT: WHATEVER

7:17 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: KUUUUUUUUUUROOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HOOT HOOT: IM ALL ALONE OUT HERE AND ITS COLD
HOOT HOOT: ITS COLD KUROO
HOOT HOOT: I CANT BELIEVE U WOULD DO THIS TO ME
HOOT HOOT: I THOUGHT U WERE MY BRO
HOOT HOOT: MY BROIEST OF BROS
HOOT HOOT: MY BRO SUPREME
ur favorite lolcat: chill i was in the shower
HOOT HOOT: IM VERY CHILL ITS 4 DEGREES OUT
HOOT HOOT: IVE BEEN STANDING ON UR DOORSTEP FOR YEARS
ur favorite lolcat: i was only showering for like 45 minutes
Quad God: That’s a pretty long shower.
ur favorite lolcat: i got distracted okay?
perfectkawa ✌: sure kuroo
perfectkawa ✌: suuuuuure
Quad God: Aren’t cats supposed to be repelled by water?
HOOT HOOT: NO TIME FOR SEMANTICS LET ME IN
ur favorite lolcat: no
ur favorite lolcat: im naked
HOOT HOOT: OK THAT SETTLES IT
HOOT HOOT: WERE WATCHING GUARDIANS OF GA’HOOLE
ur favorite lolcat: but its MY birthday
HOOT HOOT: MEANIES DONT GET TO PICK THE MOVIES
perfectkawa ✌: thats true
perfectkawa ✌: its why i always pick when iwachan and i watch scifi
Quad God: ...
ur favorite lolcat: dude i think u may have something backwards there

8:26 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: SOMEONE TELL BOKUTO TO GET OFF ME
ur favorite lolcat: HES VERY HEAVY
Quad God: Bokuto, get off.
perfectkawa ✌: ;)
ur favorite lolcat: NO

 

November 18, 2015
4:12 P.M.

Quad God: Would you guys mind if I added someone else to the chat?
HOOT HOOT: SURE
perfectkawa ✌: who?
Quad God: Um.

Chapter Text

November 18, 2015
4:12 P.M.

Quad God: Would you guys mind if I added someone else to the chat?
HOOT HOOT: SURE
perfectkawa ✌: who?
Quad God: Um.

Quad God added USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI

perfectkawa ✌: are
perfectkawa ✌: you
perfectkawa ✌:  kidding
perfectkawa ✌:  me
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: HELLO FELLOW CAPTAINS
HOOT HOOT: HELLO USHIWAKA
ur favorite lolcat: hello
ur favorite lolcat: where did u come from
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: SHIRATORIZAWA
ur favorite lolcat: no i mean
ur favorite lolcat: who let u into the chat
perfectkawa ✌: YEAH I’D LIKE TO KNOW TOO
Quad God: That would be me.
HOOT HOOT: CROW DAD KEEPS PICKING UP STRAYS
Quad God: I was talking to him about Nationals, and when I mentioned this chat, he said he wanted to join.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I HAVE RECENTLY BECOME INTERESTED IN LEARNING OTHER TEAMS’ STRATEGIES SO THAT I CAN IMPROVE MY OWN STRENGTHS
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I LEARNED RECENTLY THAT BRUTE FORCE IS NOT ALWAYS ENOUGH TO WIN
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: BUT I WANT TO ALWAYS WIN
ur favorite lolcat: guess i can’t argue with u there
HOOT HOOT: I LIKE UR STYLE USHIWAKA
ur favorite lolcat: wait … why were u talking to sawamura about nationals?
Quad God: My team hasn’t gone before.  His has.  I asked him for information on the teams we might be up against.
perfectkawa ✌: ushijima wakatoshi
perfectkawa ✌: doing something for someone else
perfectkawa ✌: never thought id see the day
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: HELLO OIKAWA
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: IM SHARING MY KNOWLEDGE WITH SAWAMURA BECAUSE I WOULD PREFER IT IF A TEAM FROM MIYAGI COULD DO WELL AT NATIONALS
perfectkawa ✌: so that u can feel less guilty about losing to karasuno
perfectkawa ✌: i see how it is
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: PERHAPS IF YOU HAD GONE TO SHIRATORIZAWA WE WOULDN’T HAVE LOST TO KARASUNO
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SHIRATORIZAWA
perfectkawa ✌: im
perfectkawa ✌: i m

perfectkawa ✌ has left the group.

ur favorite lolcat: trash that takes itself out
ur favorite lolcat: technology is amazing
HOOT HOOT: OH NO OIKAWA COME BACK
ur favorite lolcat: actually though come back
ur favorite lolcat: theres nobody to torment bokuto with when ur gone
Quad God: What about me?
ur favorite lolcat: ur too nice to torment anyone sawamura
Quad God: I suppose I’ll take that as a compliment.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: IT SOUNDED COMPLIMENTARY TO ME
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: WHY DID OIKAWA LEAVE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?
ur favorite lolcat: chill
ur favorite lolcat: why’re you shouting
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I AM TYPING
ur favorite lolcat: no i mean all the capital letters
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: MY COMPUTER ONLY TYPES THIS WAY
ur favorite lolcat: hmmmm
HOOT HOOT: weird I can’t think of any possible explanation for that
HOOT HOOT: can you kuroo?
ur favorite lolcat: no not at all
ur favorite lolcat: have u tried turning it off and turning it on again?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I WILL RESTART MY COMPUTER
ur favorite lolcat: k
ur favorite lolcat: while you do that

ur favorite lolcat has added perfectkawa ✌

Quad God: Hey, Oikawa.
perfectkawa ✌: shut up sawamura
Quad God: I haven’t even said anything yet.
perfectkawa ✌: youve done plenty already
Quad God: Ushijima is a good person.  He’s just trying to learn.
perfectkawa ✌: u can only say that bc ur team beat him
HOOT HOOT: well my team beat karasuno a whole bunch of times and sawamura’s nice to me
ur favorite lolcat: yeah same here
ur favorite lolcat: nekoma destroyed karasuno B-)
Quad God: You won’t next time!
Quad God: This is why we have this alliance.  So that we can help each other get stronger.
perfectkawa ✌: i know that but
perfectkawa ✌: my team’s season is done
HOOT HOOT: BUT U ARENT
HOOT HOOT: right?
perfectkawa ✌: of course not
perfectkawa ✌: volleyball hasnt seen the last of the great oikawa tooru ٩(˃̶͈̀௰˂̶͈́)و
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: DID THIS HELP
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: OH NO. IT DIDNT.
perfectkawa ✌: maybe it’s cause you’re useless and awful
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: OIKAWA
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT FIND THIS RELATABLE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: IT APPPEARS TO BE RELEVANT TO BOTH OF OUR INTERESTS
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: http://aguadesalsicha666.tumblr.com/post/126753099204/when-the-farmer-gives-you-the-good-hay
perfectkawa ✌: YOU WOULD SULLY MY ALIEN MEME WITH FUCKING AGRICULTURE
perfectkawa ✌: I WILL TRACTOR BEAM YOUR GODDAMN BOVINE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I AM FOND OF TRACTORS
Quad God: Can you two at least try to get along?
perfectkawa ✌: HES MAKING FUN OF ME
perfectkawa ✌: LIKE HE ALWAYS HAS
Quad God: He’s trying to be nice.
perfectkawa ✌: HES JUST GOT YOU FOOLED INTO THINKING THAT
Quad God: I’m sure you can find some common ground.
Quad God: You both love volleyball and your teams.
perfectkawa ✌: HE DOESNT LOVE HIS TEAM
perfectkawa ✌: HE USES THEM
perfectkawa ✌: HE THINKS WHATEVER TEAM HE’S ON IS THE STRONGEST AND NOBODY ELSE MATTERS
Quad God: Ushijima, is that true?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I USED TO THINK THAT
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: NOW I AM NOT SURE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: HAVING A STRONG TEAM IS DEFINITELY RELATED TO THE STRENGTH OF INDIVIDUAL PLAYERS
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: BUT TEAMWORK IS ALSO IMPORTANT
perfectkawa ✌: ...
perfectkawa ✌: fine
perfectkawa ✌:
whatever
HOOT HOOT: GUYS IMAGINE IF WE WERE ALL ON THE SAME TEAM IN COLLEGE
HOOT HOOT: NOW THAT WOULD REALLY BE THE STRONGEST TEAM
ur favorite lolcat: oh man yeah
ur favorite lolcat: forget frankencaptain
ur favorite lolcat: this is the real combination of strengths we need
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: FRANKENCAPTAIN?
HOOT HOOT: OH MAN U WERENT THERE FOR THAT
HOOT HOOT: MY ARMS. KUROOS ABS. SAWAMURAS LEGS. OIKAWAS FACE.
HOOT HOOT: THE PERFECT CAPTAIN.
perfectkawa ✌: why would you bring this up again
Quad God: I had just gotten the image out of my mind.
HOOT HOOT: ACTUALLY THAT REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING I THOUGHT OF THE OTHER DAY

Quad God’s nickname is now Thighchi.

perfectkawa ✌: PERFECT
ur favorite lolcat: I APPROVE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: IT SEEMS AS THOUGH YOUR CAPTAIN IS MISSING SOMETHING CRUCIAL
perfectkawa ✌: really ushiwaka
ur favorite lolcat: what would u suggest
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: HE NEEDS A DICK
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I WILL VOLUNTEER MINE
HOOT HOOT: HOLY SHIT
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: IS THAT A YES

perfectkawa ✌ has left the group.

ur favorite lolcat added perfectkawa ✌.

ur favorite lolcat: stop that
Thighchi:
I think I need to go for a run.
Thighchi: A long run.
perfectkawa ✌: me too
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: THAT IS A GOOD IDEA
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: IT WILL HELP YOU GET STRONGER
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I WILL GO FOR A RUN TOO
ur favorite lolcat: bye ushiwaka
HOOT HOOT: ITS JUST YOU AND ME BRO
ur favorite lolcat: you know what this means bro
HOOT HOOT: oho?
ur favorite lolcat: ohoho?
HOOT HOOT: ohohohoho?
ur favorite lolcat: ohohohohohohohohoho?

HOOT HOOT changed the chat title to ohohohohohohohoho

ur favorite lolcat: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO
HOOT HOOT: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

[cut for length]

6:48 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: what the fuck

 

November 22, 2015
6:05 P.M.

Thighchi: I think I figured out what’s going on with Ushijima’s typing.
Thighchi: Or, well, I told Suga about it and he figured it out.
ur favorite lolcat: NON NO NO NO NO NO
Thighchi: He must have capslock on.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: CAPSLOCK?
HOOT HOOT: WHY DID YOU TELL HIM
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA DO YOU CARE NOTHING ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP
Thighchi: What?
Thighchi: If it were me, I’d want to know.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I ASKED GOOGLE AND IT SAID THAT CAPSLOCK IS A BUTTON ON YOUR COMPUTER KEYBOARD THAT CAPITALIZES LETTERS.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Hello
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: This makes much more sense
HOOT HOOT: NOOOOOOO
ur favorite lolcat: rip ushiwaka’s all caps speech
ur favorite lolcat: u had a good run
ur favorite lolcat: but sadly its all over now
Thighchi: I’m confused.
HOOT HOOT: WE WERENT GONNA TELL HIM BECAUSE IT WAS HILARIOUS
ur favorite lolcat: seriously sawamura i thought u were smarter than this
Thighchi: Well, one of his teammates told him anyway, so he would’ve found out eventually.
ur favorite lolcat: no he asked google
Thighchi: Isn’t that one of his teammates?
Thighchi: Hinata mentioned him once.
ur favorite lolcat: well
HOOT HOOT: KUROOS LYING
HOOT HOOT: its a search engine, where you can look for answers to things online
ur favorite lolcat: I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING
HOOT HOOT: YOU WERE GOING TO
Thighchi: That makes more sense.
Thighchi: How do I get to the Google?
perfectkawa ✌: ahahahahahahahaha
ur favorite lolcat: here we go again
ur favorite lolcat: just start typing stuff in whatever box and pressing enter, it’ll bring up results
Thighchi: Alright, I’ll try it.
Thighchi: japanese olympic volleyball team
Thighchi: teamwork
Thighchi: team building exercises
Thighchi: How long does it take?
ur favorite lolcat: just keep searching stuff, it’ll probably load within an hour
Thighchi: public speaking techniques
Thighchi: list of volleyball tempos
perfectkawa ✌: before i met kuroo-chan i thought i was the meanest person i knew
perfectkawa ✌: clearly not
Thighchi: quadricep stretches
Thighchi: sugawara koushi x reader
Thighchi: Kuroo, I don’t think it’s working.
ur favorite lolcat: keep trying?
Thighchi: I’ll ask someone in person later. I have homework anyway.
Thighchi: I guess technology just doesn’t like me.
ur favorite lolcat: a damn shame

 

November 23, 2015
7:23 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: SOS SOS RED ALERT RED ALERT
HOOT HOOT: WHATS GOIN ON BRO
HOOT HOOT: I CAN BE AT NEKOMA IN 33 MINUTES IF U NEED ME
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I can be there in a considerably longer amount of time
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: But I am also available.
ur favorite lolcat: NO I DONT NEED U GUYSI JUST NE E D
ur favorite lolcat: A SMOMENT
HOOT HOOT: WHATS HAPPENING
ur favorite lolcat: kenma
ur favorite lolcat: kozume kenma
ur favorite lolcat: nekoma volleyball clubs setter
ur favorite lolcat: my best friend of many years
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Youve talked about him before
ur favorite lolcat: is wearing
ur favorite lolcat: a dress
HOOT HOOT: HOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOLY SHIT
HOOT HOOT: PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat: its p blurry b UT
HOOT HOOT: DUDE
ur favorite lolcat: I     KNOW
perfectkawa ✌: woah
perfectkawa ✌: ask him where he got that
ur favorite lolcat: its like
ur favorite lolcat: ive never thought about kenmas legs like this before
ur favorite lolcat: what is it about tights
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Aren’t they just thin fabric?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: His legs must be very cold
ur favorite lolcat: i dont think i can ask him much of anything right now
ur favorite lolcat: ive just been staring
ur favorite lolcat: shit hes gonna think im a pervert
perfectkawa ✌: as he probably should §ԾᴗԾ§
ur favorite lolcat: shut up oikawa
HOOT HOOT: OK BUT KUROO
HOOT HOOT: BRO
ur favorite lolcat: YES BRO
HOOT HOOT: KENMA LOOKS RLLY GOOD
ur favorite lolcat: I KNOW
ur favorite lolcat: THATS WTHE WHOLE PROBLEM
Thighchi: Why is everyone shouting?
HOOT HOOT: KENMA IN A DRESS
Thighchi: Oh.  Huh.
Thighchi: He looks good.
ur favorite lolcat: I KNOW
ur favorite lolcat: why does everyone keep saying this as though i don’t already know
ur favorite lolcat: as though i am not constantly tortured in every cell of my fragile body
ur favorite lolcat: this image has been burned onto my brain
ur favorite lolcat: i will never be able to function as a human again
ur favorite lolcat: ill have to run away into the mountains and live as a hermit
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You have it bad
ur favorite lolcat: I DONT NEED U TO TELL ME
Thighchi: I guess we know who your hypothetical crush is on, then.
perfectkawa ✌: did you seriously not get that?
Thighchi: Well, he didn’t say it.
perfectkawa ✌: sawamura-chan, you’re hopeless

 

November 24, 2015
11:19 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: NEKOMA AND FUKURODANI BOTH WON THEIR QUARTERFINALS TODAY
HOOT HOOT: WHICH MEANS
HOOT HOOT: WE’RE UP AGAINST EACH OTHER IN THE QUALIFIER SEMIFINALS
HOOT HOOT: ITS ON
HOOT HOOT: MY SPIKES VS KUROOS BLOCKS
HOOT HOOT: MY BEAUTIFUL SETTER VS KUROOS HOPELESS CRUSH
HOOT HOOT: NEKOMA IS GOING DOWN
HOOT HOOT: ONLY FUKURODANI WILL STAND ON THE NATIONAL STAGE
perfectkawa ✌: congratulations, bokuto
perfectkawa ✌: now would you take your shenanigans elsewhere
perfectkawa ✌: some of us are trying to sleep ٩(╬ʘ益ʘ╬)۶
ur favorite lolcat: HES ALREADY MESSAGING ME ON THREE DIFFERENT SOCIAL MEDIA AT ONCE
ur favorite lolcat: DONT ENCOURAGE HIM
HOOT HOOT: THERE YOU ARE YOU FUCKING FURRY
ur favorite lolcat: LIKE YOU’RE ONE TO TALK
ur favorite lolcat: YOU OWN AN OWL KIGURUMI
HOOT HOOT: IM NOT GONNA FUCK THE KIGURUMI
HOOT HOOT: MR. CATGIRL-POSTER-IN-THE-NEKOMA-CLUB-ROOM
ur favorite lolcat: whatever you say, darling
HOOT HOOT: of course, babycakes
ur favorite lolcat: sugarlips
HOOT HOOT: butterbuns
ur favorite lolcat: sweetie :)
HOOT HOOT: fartwad <3
ur favorite lolcat: lardass
HOOT HOOT: SHITSTAIN
ur favorite lolcat: DICKCHEESE
ur favorite lolcat: at least nekoma isn’t relying on empty posturing for victory
ur favorite lolcat: it’s not like fukurodani stands a chance in the first place
perfectkawa ✌: oh SHIT
HOOT HOOT: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD
HOOT HOOT: DONT TALK TO ME ANYMORE KUROO

11:27 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: AND YOU’RE WRONG

11:38 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: REALLY WRONG
perfectkawa ✌: go to bed, bokuto

 

December 1, 2015
10:13 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: HEYHEYHEY USHIWAKA
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes
HOOT HOOT: https://www.facebook.com/AgricultureBanterPage/
HOOT HOOT: IS THIS UR KIND OF MEME
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Ohhhh
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes
HOOT HOOT: DO U JUST WANNA MOW HAY
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I just wanna mow hay
HOOT HOOT: DO U MAKE IT GRAIN
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: All the time
perfectkawa ✌: aren’t you both in school right now?
HOOT HOOT: ARENT YOU
perfectkawa ✌: IM not depending on academics for my college career
perfectkawa ✌: im winning that on the court
HOOT HOOT: UR TALKING TO TWO OF THE TOP FIVE SPIKERS IN THE NATION
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: If anything youre the one who should be focusing
perfectkawa ✌: kindly piss off ushiwaka
HOOT HOOT: https://www.facebook.com/AgricultureBanterPage/photos/a.435979059835580.1073741825.300549863378501/597194680380683/?type=3&theater USHIWAKA IS THIS YOU
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Definitely
HOOT HOOT: man whered your farming thing even come from
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Farming is the purest form of labor
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Its a little like the meme economy
HOOT HOOT: the meme economy
HOOT HOOT: shit wheres kuroo when you need him
perfectkawa ✌: probably paying attention in class like you two should be
perfectkawa ✌: instead of filling up my notifications w this utter bullshit (¬_¬)
HOOT HOOT: im gonna text him
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Our era is a golden age of meme industrialization
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Where memes are mass-produced and circulated through virtual communities
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: But meme capitalism sprang from the fertile soil of organic meming
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Hardworking independent laborers who produced healthy crops of memes despite little to no institutional support
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Remember
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: No farms no memes
ur favorite lolcat: oh my god
ur favorite lolcat: ushiwaka im so glad youre here
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Thanks
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: The ability to write expert farming metaphors is one of my strongest skills off the court
perfectkawa ✌: (ಠ_ಠ)
perfectkawa ✌: i have to leave
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Or do you have to leaf?
perfectkawa ✌: I AM TURNING MY PHONE OFF
perfectkawa ✌:  GOOD BYE
ur favorite lolcat: nice pun ushiwaka
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Thank you

 

December 2, 2015
10:54 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: friendly reminder that kozume kenma in a skirt will be the death of me someday
ur favorite lolcat: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
HOOT HOOT: bro are u okay
ur favorite lolcat: im
ur favorite lolcat: im something
ur favorite lolcat: kenma told me a couple weeks ago that he doesn’t always feel like a guy, he doesn’t think he is entirely a guy, and he wants to try experimenting with gender to figure out what he is
ur favorite lolcat: so today we went shopping for girls’ clothes (with his cousin, who’s being really cool about this)
ur favorite lolcat: and now he’s trying them on
ur favorite lolcat: and im really happy that he’s figuring this out and that he feels like he can be himself around me and everything
ur favorite lolcat: but i am also suffering
perfectkawa ✌: you and your weird kinks
ur favorite lolcat: IT;S NOT A KINK GODDAMMIT
ur favorite lolcat: besides kenma doesnt like sex anyway
ur favorite lolcat: HE JUST LOOKS...REALLY GOOD…
ur favorite lolcat: WHAT IS IT ABOUT OUR SETTERS
ur favorite lolcat: he is driving me to blushing
ur favorite lolcat: ME
ur favorite lolcat: BLUSHING
perfectkawa ✌: so you do have a heart!
ur favorite lolcat: yeah the jurys still out on yours though
ur favorite lolcat: (roasted)
ur favorite lolcat: like i see him smiling at whatever mundane bs and i wanna kiss him into next year
ur favorite lolcat: and then we will proceed to get a house in the mountains and live together and all sorts of other gay nonsense
Thighchi: I know what you mean.
Thighchi: I kind of want to wake up next to Suga for the rest of my life.
ur favorite lolcat: bokuto what’s up
ur favorite lolcat: bokuto
ur favorite lolcat: bro
ur favorite lolcat: you’ve been typing on and off for like five minutes whats going on
ur favorite lolcat: ...private chat?
HOOT HOOT: nah it’s fine here
HOOT HOOT: you guys ever hear of aromanticism?
ur favorite lolcat: no…?
perfectkawa ✌: nope
Thighchi: Yeah.
perfectkawa ✌: whaaaat? :o
Thighchi: Our manager, Kiyoko, is aromantic.
Thighchi: It basically means you don’t ever experience love.
HOOT HOOT: i wouldn’t say it like that
HOOT HOOT: i love a lot of things
HOOT HOOT: but never romantically
perfectkawa ✌: how do you know???
HOOT HOOT: its hard to explain
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You watch movies and read books, but you never understand what they’re talking about.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: It feels like you’re missing something that everyone else gets.
HOOT HOOT: i … yeah
HOOT HOOT: like everyone else losing their shit laughing at a joke that you don’t think is funny
HOOT HOOT: ushijima how long have you been here?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: A while.
Thighchi: I didn’t realize you were …
Thighchi: Also aromantic?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Im asexual.  And something else.  Related to aromantic.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Satori looked it up for me once, but I dont remember the word
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: But it doesn’t really matter.  You don’t need romance to play volleyball.
perfectkawa ✌: yeah! ⊂((・▽・))⊃
perfectkawa ✌: you’re still a good captain and a great friend and a worthy opponent!
ur favorite lolcat: and my best bro
HOOT HOOT: thanks guys
Thighchi: And the guy who stole my #10’s senpai worship complex from me.
HOOT HOOT: hell YEAH I DID
ur favorite lolcat: theres the caps lock
perfectkawa ✌: ahaha I was getting concerned
HOOT HOOT: WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN
perfectkawa ✌: that’s the longest I’ve ever seen you type without using a capital letter
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: It was impressive.
Thighchi: Bokuto, do you want us to stop talking about romance here?
Thighchi: We would understand.
HOOT HOOT: its all good
HOOT HOOT: you guys just sound kind of ridiculous sometimes
Thighchi: Yeah, it kind of feels that way to us, too.
ur favorite lolcat: so
ur favorite lolcat: you and akaashi aren't...?
HOOT HOOT: nah bro
HOOT HOOT: i love the guy but its not like that
HOOT HOOT: we've got something better i think :D

 

December 3, 2015
10:04 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: TWO DAYS TIL SEMIFINALS
HOOT HOOT: MOTIVATIONAL VIDEOS TO WATCH BEFORE A GAME GO
perfectkawa ✌: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaIvk1cSyG8
HOOT HOOT: aww
HOOT HOOT: AWWW
Thighchi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuPLxQD4akQ
HOOT HOOT: holy shit
Thighchi: I memorized some quotes from that to use before games.
Thighchi: Please don’t tell Hinata that.
ur favorite lolcat: i gotchu bro
ur favorite lolcat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs
perfectkawa ✌: kuroo wtf
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Kuroo where did you get that video
ur favorite lolcat: um. youtube
USHIIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I am going to watch it again
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: This is very motivational
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I would like to have energy legs
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I would like to ah, sports, ah
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Do you think I already ah, sports, ah?
ur favorite lolcat: uh
ur favorite lolcat: gonna hand this one over to oikawa seeing as ive never played against him
perfectkawa ✌: fuck you kuroo

 

December 5, 2015
12:04 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: today is a special day
HOOT HOOT: YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS
ur favorite lolcat: a cat vs owl showdown for the ages
ur favorite lolcat: bokuto, are you ready?
ur favorite lolcat: pff, of course you aren’t
ur favorite lolcat: who’s ever ready for defeat?
HOOT HOOT: NO YOU DUMB ALLEY CAT
HOOT HOOT: ITS AKAASHI’S BIRTHDAY
ur favorite lolcat: oh
ur favorite lolcat: well is akaashi gonna be okay with his getting owned as a personal birthday present from me?
HOOT HOOT: HE WONT HAVE TO BE
HOOT HOOT: BECAUSE WE’RE GONNA SPIKE YOUR CAT ASSES INTO NEXT YEAR
ur favorite lolcat: (im actually kidding i did get him a present)
ur favorite lolcat: (its a book on raising owls as pets)
HOOT HOOT: WELL I GOT HIM
HOOT HOOT: I GOT HIM
HOOT HOOT: SHIT
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Bokuto, I think youd be better off worrying about your setter’s birthday after the match is over
HOOT HOOT: GOOD POINT USHIWAKA!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: ILL THROW HIM A REALLY COOL VICTORY AND BIRTHDAY PARTY
HOOT HOOT: THATS WHAT ILL DO

1:18 P.M.

Thighchi: Today’s the day, isn’t it?
Thighchi: When you two get out, tell me how it went!

4:16 P.M.

Thighchi: Bokuto, Hinata says you’re not answering his messages - celebrating, I presume?
Thighchi: He’s really looking forward to playing against you in a real match, you know.
Thighchi: I am, too.
Thighchi: Although I’m sure Nekoma put up a really good fight.

4:28 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: ah
ur favorite lolcat: bokuto might not be online for a while
perfectkawa ✌: fukurodani afterparty?
ur favorite lolcat: not quite.
ur favorite lolcat: fukurodani’s not going to nationals.
perfectkawa ✌: oh :C
perfectkawa ✌: is he really upset about it?
ur favorite lolcat: i don’t think that’s what he’s thinking about right now
ur favorite lolcat: akaashi got knocked out during the fourth set
perfectkawa ✌: oh no.
ur favorite lolcat: he was blocking, and he got a hard spike right to the face
ur favorite lolcat: it was lev, this massive wing spiker we have who doesn’t know what to do with his goddamn arms
ur favorite lolcat: but that’s not important
ur favorite lolcat: akaashi went down like a rock
ur favorite lolcat: his neck got snapped backwards weirdly, and the nursing staff said there was no way he’d be back on the court before nationals
ur favorite lolcat: idk if he’s woken up yet
perfectkawa ✌: oh my god
ur favorite lolcat: fukurodani forfeited
ur favorite lolcat: bokuto was flipping his shit next to akaashi, and the refs and coaches kept trying to drag him back into the game
ur favorite lolcat: but he stood up and gave them this terrifying glare
ur favorite lolcat: and then he walked off the court
ur favorite lolcat: and everyone else followed him
perfectkawa ✌: don’t they have a backup setter?
ur favorite lolcat: i think so
ur favorite lolcat: but bokuto said he didn’t want to win if akaashi wasn’t there with him
ur favorite lolcat: and the rest of them agreed
ur favorite lolcat: and he shook my hand under the net and told me that he’d be there in the stands at nationals
ur favorite lolcat: and then he went off to the infirmary and i ddint see him after that
ur favorite lolcat: *didn’t
ur favorite lolcat: fuck
ur favorite lolcat: shit
perfectkawa ✌: ...kuroo, are you okay?
ur favorite lolcat: no
ur favorite lolcat: it was 2-1 fukurodani and they were 5 points ahead of us in the fourth set, they could’ve taken it easy
ur favorite lolcat : they deserve to be going to nationals right now
ur favorite lolcat: i should’ve forfeited then and there
ur favorite lolcat: but. i looked back at the rest of the court and there was inuoka and lev and yamamoto and all the others. ready to piss themselves with excitement
ur favorite lolcat: and the old man on the bench who hasn’t stopped talking about the battle at the trash heap since last spring
ur favorite lolcat: and i couldn’t do it
ur favorite lolcat: i feel like shit
perfectkawa ✌: hey, hey
perfectkawa ✌: you did what was best for your team
perfectkawa ✌: that’s pretty noble
ur favorite lolcat: we’re riding home right now and they’re all so happy
ur favorite lolcat: kenma keeps giving me this look like he knows
perfectkawa ✌: kuroo, don’t take all the responsibility on your own shoulders
perfectkawa ✌: bokuto chose what mattered more to him
perfectkawa ✌: you chose what mattered more to your team
perfectkawa ✌: there’s nothing more you could’ve done

4:33 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: kuroo?
ur favorite lolcat: i guess
ur favorite lolcat: anyway we’re almost home, i have to go

4:36 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: oikawa
perfectkawa ✌: hmm?
ur favorite lolcat: thanks

7:16 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: heyheyhey guys
HOOT HOOT: oh so you heard
HOOT HOOT: akaashi’s gonna be fine
HOOT HOOT: he isn’t allowed to play for eight weeks but he’s awake and he remembers who i am
HOOT HOOT: kuroo, you there?
ur favorite lolcat: yeah
HOOT HOOT: its all good
HOOT HOOT: i mean that, bro
HOOT HOOT: oikawa’s right, i knew what i was doing and so did everyone else in a fukurodani jersey
HOOT HOOT: some things are more important than winning

7:28 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: hey kuroo
ur favorite lolcat: yeah?
HOOT HOOT: wanna see a song that represents my feelings about this
ur favorite lolcat: ...sure
HOOT HOOT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2WH8mHJnhM
ur favorite lolcat: OH MY GOD BOKUTO
HOOT HOOT: NEAR
HOOT HOOT: FAR
ur favorite lolcat: WHYD YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER WITH MEMES
HOOT HOOT: WHEREVER YOU ARE
HOOT HOOT: :’)
HOOT HOOT: ily bro
ur favorite lolcat: yeah, yeah, yeah

 

December 7, 2015
5:16 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: so i went to visit akaashi today and hes doing better
HOOT HOOT: he’s not supposed to move around much but theyre letting him read and watch tv and stuff
HOOT HOOT: and he should be able to go home soon!!!!
ur favorite lolcat: im really glad to hear that
HOOT HOOT: dude we spent like an hour watching youtube videos
HOOT HOOT: i showed him cool guy AND cool guy 2 and he totally didnt get it
ur favorite lolcat: hes just not as swag as we are bro
HOOT HOOT: i hate to say it but u might be right bro
HOOT HOOT: OH AND
ur favorite lolcat: WHAT
HOOT HOOT: HE GOT YOUR PRESENT
HOOT HOOT: HE REALLY LIKES IT
HOOT HOOT: SAYS IT’S VERY TRUE TO REAL LIFE WHATEVER THAT MEANS
ur favorite lolcat: NICE
ur favorite lolcat: so he’s not mad at me or anything?
HOOT HOOT: why would he be mad at you??
HOOT HOOT: mostly hes just annoyed that he cant play for so long
perfectkawa ✌: oh man i know how that is
perfectkawa ✌: once when i had a sprained wrist iwachan had to sit on me for like half an hour to keep me from going to practice anyway
perfectkawa ✌: but thats not important
perfectkawa ✌: that’s really good news about your setter bokuto!!!
perfectkawa ✌: tell him i said hi and that his team will be fine without him
HOOT HOOT: i will
HOOT HOOT: thanks
HOOT HOOT: also sawamura

5:21 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: sawamura?

5:32 P.M.

Thighchi: Sorry, practice went really late today.
Thighchi: I’m glad to hear that Akaashi’s doing better!
Thighchi: Did you want to ask me something?
HOOT HOOT: i just want u to know that hinatas like
HOOT HOOT: the best middle blocker in the entire world
Thighchi: He’s really enthusiastic, huh?
HOOT HOOT: something like that
HOOT HOOT: yeah
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: But Hinata is short and his blocking is inconsistent?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Surely there are many better middle blockers
HOOT HOOT: i wasnt talking about his volleyball skills ushiwaka
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Ah
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I think I understand
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Also, it’s good that your setter is recovering, Bokuto
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Although Ive never met him, he seems like a good player and good teammate
HOOT HOOT: he is
HOOT HOOT: and thank you everyone
HOOT HOOT: you guys are the best
HOOT HOOT: u really
HOOT HOOT: meme a lot to me ;)
Thighchi: Arghhhhh.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You misspelled mean
Thighchi: Just go with it, Ushiwaka.

 

December 10, 2015
6:13 P.M.

Thighchi: One of my first-years is asking me for dating advice.
Thighchi: Because apparently I’m the romance expert here?
Thighchi: This is so surreal.
perfectkawa ✌: omg who
Thighchi: I’m not going to tell you that!
ur favorite lolcat: lmao
ur favorite lolcat: they haven’t figured out how dense you are yet?
Thighchi: I distinctly remember you asking me for romance advice yourself once, so I can’t be that bad.
ur favorite lolcat: shut
ur favorite lolcat: youre as single as any of us
Thighchi: IT’S NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING.
ur favorite lolcat: it really is
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Wait Sawamura isnt dating Sugawara?
Thighchi: Oh, no.
Thighchi: Not you, too.
ur favorite lolcat: lol
ur favorite lolcat: its kinda terrible though
Thighchi: Yes.  It is.  I resent all of you for giving me the idea.
ur favorite lolcat: no i mean
ur favorite lolcat: now i cant ask u for relationship advice
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You can ask me for relationship advice
Thighchi: ???
ur favorite lolcat: ushiwaka what the fuck
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You want to talk to someone in a relationship, correct?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I am in a relationship. Therefore you can talk to me
perfectkawa ✌: who the hell would want to be in a relationship with u
perfectkawa ✌: u giant stone-faced selfish idiot
Thighchi: Oikawa, calm down.
perfectkawa ✌: I
perfectkawa ✌: AM
perfectkawa ✌: CALM
Thighchi: Alright.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Tendou Satori.  One of the middle blockers on my team.  We spend a great deal of time together and occasionally that time is engaged in sexual exploits
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: That is what you would call a relationship, correct?
ur favorite lolcat: i never thought id be this interested in ushijima wakatoshi’s sex life but
ur favorite lolcat: tell us more
HOOT HOOT: WAIT HOLD UP BACK UP
HOOT HOOT: USHIWAKA IN A RELATIONSHIP
HOOT HOOT: ????!!!!!!!!!
Thighchi: Ushijima, didn’t you say you were asexual?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I am.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: But sex feels good.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: And Satori is very understanding of when I do and don’t want to have it. Our relationship isn’t very traditional
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: In retrospect perhaps you would be better off looking for advice elsewhere, Kuroo
HOOT HOOT: wait let me get this straight
HOOT HOOT: so you and this tendou guy are like
HOOT HOOT: close friends who sometimes bone????
HOOT HOOT: but not in a super romantic way??????
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: That’s pretty much the idea, yes
HOOT HOOT: huh.

 

December 16, 2015
9:33 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: sawamura
Thighchi: Kuroo.
Thighchi: Why the private chat?
Thighchi: Do you need advice on team bonding exercises again?
ur favorite lolcat: no
ur favorite lolcat: i have … a Proposal
Thighchi: Should I be concerned?
ur favorite lolcat: no i think youll like this
Thighchi: Okay?
ur favorite lolcat: a deal of sorts
ur favorite lolcat: to put an end to our emotional strife
ur favorite lolcat: (or maybe increase it who knows lol)
Thighchi: So, what are we doing, exactly?
ur favorite lolcat: simple
ur favorite lolcat: ill ask out my setter if u ask out urs

9:41 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: sawamura?
Thighchi: Sorry, I was thinking.
ur favorite lolcat: about?
Thighchi: Suga’s smile.
ur favorite lolcat:
ur favorite lolcat: bro
Thighchi: Okay, let’s do this.
ur favorite lolcat: is that a yes???!!!
Thighchi: It’s a hell yes.

 

December 22, 2015
7:02 P.M.

Thighchi: WHATS UP FAM
perfectkawa ✌: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH SAWAMURA
Thighchi: D:
Thighchi: I told this idiot you’d figure it out!
Thighchi: HEY!
Thighchi: okay, it’s me again now!!
perfectkawa ✌: WHO IS “ME”
Thighchi: geez it’s a bit early in the night for questions like that!!!!!!!
perfectkawa ✌: …chibi-chan?
Thighchi: we’re all here!!!!!!! all the first-years, i mean
perfectkawa ✌: you have Sawamura’s phone?
Thighchi: lololol we took it out of his bag
Thighchi: we’re getting food after practice since it’s our last day before break
Thighchi: he hasn’t noticed us yet shhhhhhh
perfectkawa ✌: doesn’t he have a password?
Thighchi: he does!!!!
Thighchi: it’s 7842
Thighchi: S-U-G-A
HOOT HOOT: HI HINATA
HOOT HOOT: AW THATS ADORABLE
Thighchi: BOKUTO-SAN
HOOT HOOT: YOURE ADORABLE
Thighchi: This is Tsukishima now.
HOOT HOOT: LESS ADORABLE
Thighchi: Now it’s Kageyama again.
perfectkawa ✌: the cutest of cute kouhais \(≧▽≦)/
perfectkawa ✌:
HOOT HOOT: you broke him
perfectkawa ✌: haha he’s been typing for a solid minute
perfectkawa ✌: trying to verbalize how much worse he is than me in every possible way
HOOT HOOT: aw bro
HOOT HOOT: that’s just mean D:
Thighchi: SOS HE SAW US
Thighchi: BYE BOKUTO-SAN
Thighchi: BYE SHITTYKAWA

7:26 P.M.

Thighchi: Please ignore all of that.
Thighchi: On a completely unrelated note, does anybody have good ideas for vengeance?
ur favorite lolcat: hello you called
ur favorite lolcat: oh dammit i missed hinata and tsukki?
HOOT HOOT: you could add them on here bro!
HOOT HOOT: me and hinata video call all the time
perfectkawa ✌: whaaaaat?
perfectkawa ✌: why don’t I have a cute karasuno kouhai too?! (ノ°Д°)ノ
ur favorite lolcat: >perfectkawa ✌, 6:35 p.m.
                            “trying to verbalize how much worse he is than me in every possible way”
                            this is why
perfectkawa ✌: TOBIO-CHAN ISN’T CUTE ANYWAY
Thighchi: Dammit, I need to change my password now.
perfectkawa ✌: how about 568744
perfectkawa ✌: K-O-U-S-H-I
Thighchi: Oh, thanks!
Thighchi: Okay, done.
perfectkawa ✌: oh my god
ur favorite lolcat: nobody will ever guess
Thighchi: But seriously, revenge plans?
ur favorite lolcat: hmmm idk you could only buy them ONE pork bun each instead of TWO
HOOT HOOT: bro no that’s too harsh
ur favorite lolcat: oh come on
ur favorite lolcat: when’s the last time either of us bought our team ANY pork buns
HOOT HOOT: but they’re conditioned to two pork buns
HOOT HOOT: it’d make ME sad
perfectkawa ✌: everything makes you sad
perfectkawa ✌: what if you and suga were embarrassingly pda?
Thighchi: OH THAT’S PERFECT.
Thighchi: But give me a few hours first.
HOOT HOOT: for what???
Thighchi: You’ll see.
ur favorite lolcat: ;)
HOOT HOOT: ohh mysterious
HOOT HOOT: KUROO WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ur favorite lolcat: you’ll seeeeeeee
HOOT HOOT: >.<

8:50 P.M.

Thighchi’s name is now Mr. Sugawara Daichi.

perfectkawa ✌: lmaoooooooo
HOOT HOOT: TWICE IN ONE NIGHT
HOOT HOOT: HINATA IM SO PROUD

 

11:08 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Hey, guys, I’ve got news!
HOOT HOOT: sawamura im gonna take pity on you cause nobody else here will
HOOT HOOT: someone changed your name again
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: That’s the news, actually.
HOOT HOOT: it’s news that your first-years figured out your phone password?
HOOT HOOT: (TELL HINATA I LOVE HIM)
perfectkawa ✌: (are you dying?)
HOOT HOOT: (NO I JUST LOVE HINATA)
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: (I will. He’ll be happy.)
ur favorite lolcat: it probably wasn’t difficult
ur favorite lolcat: literally every password you have is some variant of suga’s name
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: It wasn’t them. It was me.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Daichi you messed up your last name
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Its Sawamura
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: No, no, it was intentional.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Suga and I started dating.
HOOT HOOT: WHAT
HOOT HOOT: DEETS
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: After practice, we were walking back home, and after Asahi split off, I asked Suga to keep walking with me for a while, and he said “of course”.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: And we walked up the mountain to one of the overlooks, and we sat there and looked at the stars, and I asked him if I could bounce some thoughts off him, and he said, “of course”.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: And I told him that he’s beautiful and kind and intelligent and I don’t know what I’d do without him. And that he’s always meant the world to me, but that I’ve recently realized it was in a romantic way. And then I asked him if he would be my boyfriend.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: And he said, “of course”.
HOOT HOOT: AWWWWW
HOOT HOOT: OMG
ur favorite lolcat: wow
perfectkawa ✌: that’s...incredibly irritating
perfectkawa ✌: right out of a fairy tale ლ(ಠ益ಠ)ლ
ur favorite lolcat: congrats sawamura thats pretty gay
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: You’re literally the gayest person here.
ur favorite lolcat: excuse you
ur favorite lolcat: ill have you know
ur favorite lolcat: there’s a beautiful lady lying on my bed in nothing but a fur coat right now
ur favorite lolcat: and she is practically purring for my attention
HOOT HOOT: WHAT
HOOT HOOT: AND YOU’RE ON SKYPE
ur favorite lolcat: bros before hoes
ur favorite lolcat: want pics
HOOT HOOT: I MEAN
HOOT HOOT: ONLY IF SHES OKAY WITH IT…

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat: she meowed her assent
perfectkawa ✌: goddammit

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Okay, okay, we get it, your cat is cute.

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

ur favorite lolcat: she is so cute
HOOT HOOT: aww
ur favorite lolcat: the only lady i need in my life
ur favorite lolcat: but anyway
ur favorite lolcat: congratulations sawamura!
perfectkawa ✌: congratulations or whatever
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Thanks! He says your cat is cute, Kuroo.
ur favorite lolcat:
HOOT HOOT: ……………
perfectkawa ✌: dont you guys have school tomorrow?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Yes. But we often stay over at each others’ houses on school nights.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Now there’s just more cuddling involved.
HOOT HOOT: OH MY GOD
ur favorite lolcat: DAICHI GET OUT
perfectkawa ✌: GET
perfectkawa ✌: OUT

 

December 24th, 2015
10:08 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: merry christmas everyone (*^ω^)
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Merry christmas
perfectkawa ✌: not you.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Merry christmas to everyone who isnt Oikawa
perfectkawa ✌: holy shit

10:41 A.M.

Thighchi: Merry Christmas Eve!

11:14 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: MERRY SHITSCRAM
HOOT HOOT: MERRY SHITSCRAM MERRY SHITSCRAM MERRY SHITSCRAM
ur favorite lolcat: SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM
HOOT HOOT: SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM

[cut for length]

5:38 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Why do you guys always do this.
HOOT HOOT: MERRY SHITSCRAM EVE SAWAMURA HOWS YOUR BF
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: BF?
ur favorite lolcat: it means boyfriend
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oh! My vice captain.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: He’s here right now, actually!
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: We’re going for a walk to look at Christmas lights, and then we’re going to watch Love Actually.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I know you can’t see him, but he’s wearing a scarf.
perfectkawa ✌: this is significant?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: He just looks really nice in a scarf.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: You’d understand if you saw him.
perfectkawa ✌: and im sure afterwards youre going to get a hotel room and make sweet love together all night
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Ah… It’s a bit soon for that, isn’t it?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: We’re taking things pretty slowly. We’ve already been this close for years, there’s no rush.
perfectkawa ✌: you guys are gross
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: What, why?
perfectkawa ✌: ugh nvm
ur favorite lolcat: me and kenma are going to watch nightmare before christmas
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Isn't that a Halloween movie?
ur favorite lolcat: its tradition
perfectkawa ✌: well iwa-chan and i are going to drink hot cocoa and snuggle on the couch and watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas SO
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Have fun?
perfectkawa ✌: WE WILL
HOOT HOOT: HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS???
HOOT HOOT: KUROO, BRO, ARE YOU THINKING WHAT IM THINKING
ur favorite lolcat: are you thinking that someone in this chat seems p Grinchy himself rn?
HOOT HOOT: YOURE A MEAN ONE MR. OIKAWA
perfectkawa ✌: WTF
ur favorite lolcat: YOURE AS CHARMING AS AN EEL
HOOT HOOT: YOUVE GOT GARLIC IN YOUR SOUL
perfectkawa ✌: UGH WHATEVER
perfectkawa ✌: AT LEAST IWA-CHAN THINKS IM CHARMING
HOOT HOOT: YOURE A BAD BANANA
ur favorite lolcat: STINK
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: >Iwaizumi Hajime, 5:51 p.m.
                                   “Please tell Oikawa I can see his screen and I wouldn’t touch him with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole.”
HOOT HOOT: STANK
perfectkawa ✌: THIS IS CYBERBULLYING
perfectkawa ✌: IM BEING CYBERBULLIED
ur favorite lolcat: STUNK
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Theyre just telling the truth
perfectkawa ✌: IM LEAVING

 

December 27, 2015
10:49 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi:  Kuroo.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: You mentioned in the group chat that Kenma’s staying over tomorrow night.
ur favorite lolcat: aaaaaaaaa
ur favorite lolcat: daichi this may have been a bad idea
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: It was YOUR idea.
ur favorite lolcat: IVE HAD LOTS OF BAD IDEAS
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: And you’ve acted on all of them, so you can act on this one too.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Go get em.
ur favorite lolcat: thats...oddly motivational
ur favorite lolcat:  ok lets do this
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Let's do this.

Chapter Text

December 28th, 2015
9:12 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Kuroo, I meant to mention earlier.
ur favorite lolcat: oh no
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Your turn.
HOOT HOOT: ???
HOOT HOOT: IS THIS THE SAME SHIT AS THE OTHER NIGHT
HOOT HOOT: YOURE KILLING ME HERE WHATS GOING ON
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Kuroo and I made a pact to ask our setters out.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I did my part. And I know Kenma is there right now.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: So.
ur favorite lolcat: okay okay you caught me detectivechi
ur favorite lolcat: i was tryna slink around all sneaky and sly
HOOT HOOT: DEETS DEETS DEETS DEETS
perfectkawa ✌: not you too >.<
ur favorite lolcat: not yet
ur favorite lolcat: don’t worry bro we’re both still single together
ur favorite lolcat: i was gonna i swear
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Excuses already?
ur favorite lolcat: EXCUSES ARE ALL THERE ARE
HOOT HOOT: oh man
perfectkawa ✌: ouch
HOOT HOOT: he sunk his own ship just to kill the captain
ur favorite lolcat: kenma fell asleep
perfectkawa ✌: wake him up, stupid!
perfectkawa ✌: it’s only like 9:15
ur favorite lolcat: ah
ur favorite lolcat: well, see, kenma and i decided to get drunk
ur favorite lolcat: but kenma fell asleep after like one glass of wine
ur favorite lolcat: it was a regular glass, though, not a wine glass, so i’m not sure how much that is
ur favorite lolcat: he’s asleep on my bed
ur favorite lolcat: which, we always share the bed, we were planning to share the bed tonight anyway
ur favorite lolcat: but
ur favorite lolcat: dude i’m just. looking at him
perfectkawa ✌: this is gross (;¬_¬)
ur favorite lolcat: he’s absolutely adorable
ur favorite lolcat: people don’t realize about kenma
ur favorite lolcat: he doesn’t try to do anything, ever
ur favorite lolcat: but when he does he’s so good at it
perfectkawa ✌: hold up, are you using apostrophes?
perfectkawa ✌: who are you and where is kuroo
ur favorite lolcat: i may have decided to drink the rest of the bottle
ur favorite lolcat: it may have been a big bottle
HOOT HOOT: OH SHIT
ur favorite lolcat: i may be drunk as fuck
HOOT HOOT: ACCEPTABLE
ur favorite lolcat: bro
ur favorite lolcat: first of all
ur favorite lolcat: i love you so much
HOOT HOOT: BRO
HOOT HOOT: YOURE NOT JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOURE DRUNK ARE YOU
ur favorite lolcat: i am so serious
ur favorite lolcat: you are my brother from another mother
ur favorite lolcat: you inspire me
HOOT HOOT: BRO…
HOOT HOOT: BRO SAME THOUGH
ur favorite lolcat: oh my god bro
ur favorite lolcat: i admire you so much
ur favorite lolcat: you are so good with people you always know exactly what they need
ur favorite lolcat: you are so full of love
HOOT HOOT: I;M TEARING UP
HOOT HOOT: BROH MY GOD
HOOT HOOT: KUROO…
ur favorite lolcat: i love you bro i love you so much
HOOT HOOT: BRO I LOVE YOU TOO
HOOT HOOT: GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT KENMA THOUGH I CANT HANDLE MUCH MORE OF THIS
ur favorite lolcat: anything for you bro literally anything
ur favorite lolcat: ok kenma though
ur favorite lolcat: like
ur favorite lolcat: how is he so good at video games???
ur favorite lolcat: i have never won a game of mario kart with kozume kenma
ur favorite lolcat: in my entire life
ur favorite lolcat: why is that so cute
ur favorite lolcat: he bleached his hair but he hasn’t dyed his roots in over a year
ur favorite lolcat: but it looks GOOD
ur favorite lolcat: it’s all spread across my pillow right now
ur favorite lolcat: i’m not gonna take a picture because that would be creepy but i promise you he is so cute
ur favorite lolcat: guys i know he seems like he doesn’t try to do anything but he’s really interested in some stuff!
ur favorite lolcat: mostly chibi-chan and dragon age inquisition
ur favorite lolcat: but still
ur favorite lolcat: he was snuggled up to me earlier before he fell asleep
ur favorite lolcat: actually it might have been after he fell asleep
ur favorite lolcat: but he was snuggled up to me
ur favorite lolcat: and he was playing dragon age and i was stroking his hair
ur favorite lolcat: and
ur favorite lolcat: i forget where i was going with this
perfectkawa ✌: 10/10
ur favorite lolcat: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD HIM SNEEZE
ur favorite lolcat: he sneezes like a tiny kitten and then he looks so surprised about it
ur favorite lolcat: he’s a lot like a cat
ur favorite lolcat: so am i but i’m like the cat that gets a fish skeleton stuck on its head in the garbage can
ur favorite lolcat: kenma is the cat that pretends it’s apathetic but then it’s around you 98% of the time
ur favorite lolcat: and just happens to casually walk up to the door when you get home
ur favorite lolcat: and coincidentally follows you when you move between rooms
ur favorite lolcat: he’s really smart! and sometimes when he outwits me he smiles
ur favorite lolcat: and it’s so cute
ur favorite lolcat: it’s very small but i can see it
ur favorite lolcat: SOMETIMES HE SITS WITH HIS FEET AND HIS HANDS
ur favorite lolcat: like the butterfly stretch
ur favorite lolcat: but like kitten paws
ur favorite lolcat: that didn’t make sense did it
ur favorite lolcat: IT’S CUTE OKAY
ur favorite lolcat: i saw him drop his phone on his face once and it was the cutest thing i’ve ever seen in my life
ur favorite lolcat: he looks really good in red and black but sometimes i think about him in like
ur favorite lolcat: like the fukurodani uniform or something, something black and white, with his pretty hair
ur favorite lolcat: (have i mentioned how soft his hair is?)
ur favorite lolcat: and his eyes like cat eyes
ur favorite lolcat: you guys know he’s really shy right?
ur favorite lolcat: he’s not rude he’s just really anxious around people
ur favorite lolcat: he cares a lot about people’s opinions
ur favorite lolcat: i hope he knows i love him
ur favorite lolcat: guys i think about him before i go to sleep sometimes
ur favorite lolcat: is that not the gayest shit you’ve heard all day
perfectkawa ✌: that’s pretty gay
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Wow.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I thought I was head-over-heels.
ur favorite lolcat: the day i change my skype name to mr. kozume tetsurou is the day they carry me off in a coffin
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oikawa, do you know how to change Skype nicknames?
perfectkawa ✌: DONT BRING ME INTO THIS
ur favorite lolcat: good man
perfectkawa ✌: kuroo, where are you right now???
ur favorite lolcat: my room?
perfectkawa ✌: where in your room
ur favorite lolcat: i’m at my desk
perfectkawa ✌: you should go to bed
ur favorite lolcat: it’s not even 10 yet
perfectkawa ✌: does kenma usually get cuddly in his sleep?
ur favorite lolcat: ...oh
ur favorite lolcat: yeah
ur favorite lolcat: he does
ur favorite lolcat: like a leech
perfectkawa ✌: soooooooooooo
perfectkawa ✌: he wakes up in your arms
perfectkawa ✌: and then you confess your undying love for him!
perfectkawa ✌: and then...another person in this chat is in a disgustingly sweet relationship
perfectkawa ✌: wait maybe this is a bad idea
ur favorite lolcat: no actually that’s great
ur favorite lolcat: oikawa you’re a bro
ur favorite lolcat: broikawa?
ur favorite lolcat: no that sounds like a vegetable
ur favorite lolcat: anyway thanks i’m going to do that
perfectkawa ✌: why must i be so beautiful
perfectkawa ✌: and yet have lapses in judgment like these

 

December 29, 2015
10:10 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: gooooooooooooood morning
HOOT HOOT: HE LIVES
HOOT HOOT: first things first, hangover?
ur favorite lolcat: nah i was chuggin water
HOOT HOOT: EXCELLENT THEN HOW’D IT GO
perfectkawa ✌: yes, tell us, are you in a mushy gross relationship too now?
ur favorite lolcat: idk i might be able to tell you coherently if SOMEONE would stop nuzzling my chest
HOOT HOOT: AYYYYY THAT’S A YES
ur favorite lolcat: hell yeah it is
ur favorite lolcat: guys he was so cute about it too
ur favorite lolcat: i asked him if he wanted to go out with me and he said we go places together all the time
ur favorite lolcat: and i told him i meant like being boyfriends bc i like him in a romantic way
ur favorite lolcat: AND HE STARTED BLUSHING
ur favorite lolcat: AND HE SAID YES RLY QUIETLY AND THEN HE SHOVED HIS FACE INTO MY CHEST
ur favorite lolcat: hes so cute
perfectkawa ✌: thats disgusting
ur favorite lolcat: lmao jealous???
perfectkawa ✌: NO
ur favorite lolcat: ohhhhhhh thats a yes
perfectkawa ✌: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ur favorite lolcat: hahahahahaha
perfectkawa ✌: WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF UR STUPID MORNINGS AND WAKING UP SMILING UR DUMB SMILES AT EACH OTHER
ur favorite lolcat: who said anything about smiling 8]
ur favorite lolcat: besides this is partially ur doing
perfectkawa ✌: PISS OFF
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Question.
ur favorite lolcat: shoot
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Why is your typing better drunk than it is sober?
ur favorite lolcat: dont even hate
perfectkawa ✌: more important question
perfectkawa ✌: do you get gayer with alcohol, or are you always that gay and you just can’t cover it up when you’re drunk?
ur favorite lolcat: ALRIGHT WE BOTH KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT
ur favorite lolcat: honestly i came out to have a good time
HOOT HOOT: DONT
ur favorite lolcat: and im feeling so attacked right now
perfectkawa ✌: ohhhhhhh my god

 

December 31, 2015
10:46 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: happy birthday to our favorite dad
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Is it your father’s birthday today, Kuroo?
ur favorite lolcat: no
ur favorite lolcat: its sawamuras
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: But he is not a father
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Is he?
HOOT HOOT: HEYHEYHEYHEY
HOOT HOOT: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAWAMURA
HOOT HOOT: and ushiwaka hes totally a dad
HOOT HOOT: havent u seen how he interacts with his team?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I thought that was just how good captains behaved
ur favorite lolcat: hahahahaha
ur favorite lolcat: no
ur favorite lolcat: not that sawamura isnt a good captain
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: What makes him a dad?
ur favorite lolcat: something about how he has to discipline all the rowdy underclassmen on his team
HOOT HOOT: according to hinata most of the team has accidentally called him dad before
ur favorite lolcat: half the music he listens to is classic rock
ur favorite lolcat: hes completely hopeless with the internet
ur favorite lolcat: at training camp he would come into the dorm to ask me something during rest hour and then leave the door slightly open when he left
HOOT HOOT: hes told me “because i said so” like SEVEN TIMES
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Fascinating 

6:01 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: OKAY BOKUTO DID YOU TELL HINATA ABOUT THIS WHOLE DAD THING?
HOOT HOOT: … no?
HOOT HOOT: why?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Look at what the team got me for a birthday present.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi sent a picture

HOOT HOOT: OH MY GOD
ur favorite lolcat: SAWAMURA ARE U USING IT
ur favorite lolcat: pls tell me ur using it right now
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Of course I’m using it.
HOOT HOOT: YESSSSSSS
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Oh, so this is why the others call you a dad
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I still don’t fully get it, but...
perfectkawa ✌: um they bought you a custom mousepad with a picture of them and the caption “world’s best dad”
perfectkawa ✌: just accept your fate
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Okay, okay.

 

January 1, 2016
12:01 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE
ur favorite lolcat: i cant believe its finally 2017
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I thought it was 2016?
ur favorite lolcat: oh my god
ur favorite lolcat: ushiwaka
ur favorite lolcat: dont u understand memes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I do understand memes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Calling it 2017 when it is in fact 2016 is not a meme
ur favorite lolcat: and why not?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: It isnt funny
HOOT HOOT: OHHHHHHHHHHH
HOOT HOOT: NICE KILL USHIWAKA
ur favorite lolcat: BRO
ur favorite lolcat: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE
HOOT HOOT: bro you know i love you but i can appreciate a good roast when i see one
HOOT HOOT: and that was an excellent roast
HOOT HOOT: roasted like extra dark coffee beans
HOOT HOOT: roasted like a fine cut of beef
ur favorite lolcat: why do i even try 

2:14 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: wtf
perfectkawa ✌: why were any of u online at midnight
perfectkawa ✌: dont u have better stuff to do
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I wasn’t online.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Suga and I were making out.
perfectkawa ✌: NOBODY ASKED TO HEAR ABOUT UR LOVE LIFE SAWAMURA
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Sorry.
perfectkawa ✌: no you arent >.<
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Okay, you’re right about that. 

3:47 A.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Suga looks really nice asleep in the moonlight.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: His hair is glowing softly, like a halo, and he’s got this tiny smile on his face.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: He just looks so peaceful.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I’m really lucky.
ur favorite lolcat: sawamura pls take ur gay self somewhere else
perfectkawa ✌: ^^^^^^^^^

 

January 5, 2015
9:17 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: hey oikawa
ur favorite lolcat: have you seen star wars yet
perfectkawa ✌: don’t.
perfectkawa ✌: you.
perfectkawa ✌: DARE.
ur favorite lolcat: you don’t mind spoilers, do you?
perfectkawa ✌: i will murder you
perfectkawa ✌: i will tear you into pieces
ur favorite lolcat: so...no?
ur favorite lolcat: cause me and bokuto went to the midnight premiere
ur favorite lolcat: we can tell you EVERYTHING
perfectkawa ✌: i will BLOCK YOU
ur favorite lolcat: lol doesn’t affect group chats
ur favorite lolcat: ok so first off kylo ren’s parents
perfectkawa ✌: BYE IM NOT COMING BACK ON SKYPE UNTIL IVE SEEN IT
ur favorite lolcat: hahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

January 9, 2015
3:48 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: OKAY I SAW STAR WARS
perfectkawa ✌: KUROO AND BOKUTO I CAN TALK TO YOU AGAIN
HOOT HOOT: OHHH!!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: WHAT DID YOU THINK
perfectkawa ✌: IT WAS CERTAINLY A STAR WAR
perfectkawa ✌: although im not sure it can beat a new hope or return of the jedi
perfectkawa ✌: i mean obviously much better than the prequels but that goes without saying
perfectkawa ✌: i liked all of the nods to the original trilogy, and it’s interesting how they’re expanding the world more with this one
perfectkawa ✌: some parts were definitely quite predictable though
HOOT HOOT: DID U CRY WHEN HAN SOLO DIED
perfectkawa ✌: i
perfectkawa ✌: i did i can’t deny it
perfectkawa ✌: how am i supposed to be the newer better harrison ford when there is no harrison ford to be newer and better than
perfectkawa ✌: im a little annoyed at the casting choice for kylo ren though
perfectkawa ✌: like, he doesnt look anything like carrie fisher OR harrison ford
perfectkawa ✌: who did this
HOOT HOOT: DONT U MEAN
HOOT HOOT: HOOOOOO DID THIS
perfectkawa ✌: i dont actually
HOOT HOOT: oh
perfectkawa ✌: just like
perfectkawa ✌: if u want me to feel emotional attachment to this weird emo nerd bc he’s han and leia’s son
perfectkawa ✌: make me believe that he’s han and leia’s son
ur favorite lolcat: of course
ur favorite lolcat: oikawa would care about appearances more than anything else
perfectkawa ✌: hey!  i care about more than just appearances!
perfectkawa ✌: the guys a good actor or whatever
perfectkawa ✌: but i think the movie needs to be believable
ur favorite lolcat: its a movie about an epic space fantasy battle with light swords
ur favorite lolcat: its already so far from believable
perfectkawa ✌: ok first of all theyre called lightsabers
perfectkawa ✌: not light swords
perfectkawa ✌: light SABERS
ur favorite lolcat: saber (noun) - a heavy, one-edged sword, usually slightly curved, used especially by cavalry
perfectkawa ✌: ITS NOT THE SAME OKAY
HOOT HOOT: isnt kylo ren supposed to look like anakin?
perfectkawa ✌:
ur favorite lolcat: hahaha did you seriously miss that
perfectkawa ✌: POT
perfectkawa ✌: AND
perfectkawa ✌: KETTLE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Excuse me, I think I missed something
HOOT HOOT: yeah ushiwaka?
HOOT HOOT: whats up?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: What is this star war you’re all talking about?
perfectkawa ✌: USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes?
perfectkawa ✌: HAVE YOU
perfectkawa ✌: NEVER
perfectkawa ✌: SEEN
perfectkawa ✌: STAR WARS
perfectkawa ✌: ????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I don’t think so?
perfectkawa ✌: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I don’t think I’ve seen them either.
perfectkawa ✌: WE ARE WATCHING STAR WARS
perfectkawa ✌: STARTING WITH A NEW HOPE
perfectkawa ✌: RIGHT HERE
perfectkawa ✌: RIGHT NOW
perfectkawa ✌: GO TO THE BATHROOM AND GET YOUR SNACKS NOW WHILE I GRAB MY DVDS
perfectkawa ✌: BC UR IN FOR A WILD RIDE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: But I have homework to do this weekend
perfectkawa ✌: NO YOU DONT
perfectkawa ✌: YOU ONLY HAVE STAR WARS
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I have a date with Suga later.
perfectkawa ✌: YOULL JUST HAVE TO CANCEL IT
ur favorite lolcat: oikawa chill
perfectkawa ✌: HOW CAN I CHILL WHEN FRIENDS OF MINE HAVE NEVER SEEN STAR WARS
HOOT HOOT: IM DOWN
HOOT HOOT: I LOVE STAR WARS
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Wait … we’re your friends?
perfectkawa ✌: DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS OTHERWISE YES
perfectkawa ✌: except ushiwaka who can fuck off
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Rude
perfectkawa ✌: JUST GET YOURSELF SOME POPCORN
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: How are you planning on all of us watching it when you’re the only one with DVDs?
perfectkawa ✌: unlike you i know something about technology
perfectkawa ✌: https://rabb.it/r/afjdks
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Okay. 

4:01 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: ohhhhhhhh
perfectkawa ✌: the opening crawl
perfectkawa ✌: this is kind of legendary
HOOT HOOT: bro are you crying???
perfectkawa ✌: NO
perfectkawa ✌: maybe
perfectkawa ✌: ...yes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Its just yellow words
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I have to agree with Ushiwaka here.
perfectkawa ✌: shut up and read 

4:06 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: THERES BABE
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Wait, sorry, who is that?
perfectkawa ✌: princess leia!
ur favorite lolcat: shes sure got some
ur favorite lolcat: TIGHT
ur favorite lolcat: BUNS
HOOT HOOT: AYYYY UP TOP
ur favorite lolcat: B-]
perfectkawa ✌: SHUT UP YOURE A HOMOSEXUAL
ur favorite lolcat: i appreciate a nifty hairdo what can i say 

4:33 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oh, his dad is dead?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: That’s pretty sad…
HOOT HOOT: sure is
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Everybody should have a good dad in their life.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Maybe Obi-Wan can be his new dad
ur favorite lolcat: well
perfectkawa ✌: DONT YOU DARE KUROO
ur favorite lolcat: fine
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: ???
perfectkawa ✌: nothing, nothing 

4:37 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: can’t believe he’s complaining about being taken on a journey to learn the ways of the Force
perfectkawa ✌: whiny little shit
HOOT HOOT: what no dude
HOOT HOOT: luke is great D:
perfectkawa ✌: what.
perfectkawa ✌: he’s so useless.
HOOT HOOT: nooooooo he has such a good heart
HOOT HOOT: and beautiful eyes
HOOT HOOT: and a pretty smile
HOOT HOOT: and a sensual voice
perfectkawa ✌: THATS your reasoning?!?!?
ur favorite lolcat: i mean
ur favorite lolcat: being eye candy is technically still a purpose
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Guys, can you keep it down? 

4:48 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: AND HERE HE IS
perfectkawa ✌: THE MAN HIMSELF
ur favorite lolcat: you had a crush on him didn’t you
perfectkawa ✌: NO
HOOT HOOT: you HAVE a crush on him?
perfectkawa ✌: MAYBE
perfectkawa ✌: YES 

5:17 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Is she flirting with him by calling him short?
perfectkawa ✌: um
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Are they going to date?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: They’re going to date, aren’t they.
ur favorite lolcat: ah
HOOT HOOT: hell yeah they are
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: They seem like they are going to date
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Tendou is here also and he says they’re going to date
HOOT HOOT: tendou is definitely right
ur favorite lolcat: wait didnt you say you had homework this weekend
ur favorite lolcat: why is your s.o. there
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: He doesnt tend-to tell me in advance when hes coming over
HOOT HOOT: WAS THAT A PUN
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Maybe
HOOT HOOT: USHIWAKA I LOVE U
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Thanks 

5:21 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Wait, there was a tentacle monster in their GARBAGE CHUTE?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: They just threw a live tentacle monster into the trash?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: That’s so irresponsible.
ur favorite lolcat: see this is why they need Finn
ur favorite lolcat: for sanitation
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Finn?
perfectkawa ✌: we’ll get there sawamura just watch
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Actually, I have to go; Suga’s here.
HOOT HOOT: CASUAL
perfectkawa ✌: weak
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Jealous?
perfectkawa ✌: GO ON YOUR FUCKING DATE ALREADY SAWAMURA
perfectkawa ✌: WE HAVE HAN SOLO WHOS MUCH PRETTIER
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Excuse me?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Did you just suggest that someone is prettier than Suga?
ur favorite lolcat: bro just go its not worth it 

5:25 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Never mind.
perfectkawa ✌: HE DUMPED YOU???
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: What? No.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: He wants to watch Star Wars too.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: So we’re both here. Say hi.
perfectkawa ✌: BUT HE CANT START FROM THE MIDDLE
perfectkawa ✌: HE WONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: No, he’s seen it before.
perfectkawa ✌: okay
perfectkawa ✌: that’s more acceptable
perfectkawa ✌: ask him who his favorite character is
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: He says it’s JarJar Binks.
perfectkawa ✌: whAT
HOOT HOOT: WHAT
HOOT HOOT: BUT WHY
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: He says he’s kidding and that it’s R2-D2.
perfectkawa ✌: oh thank god
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I hope you know I don’t understand any of this.
perfectkawa ✌: thats fine 

5:32 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: RIP IN PEACE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Great whos going to be his dad now 

5:58 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Are - are they getting married?
perfectkawa ✌: who?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Han and Luke?
ur favorite lolcat: hahahahahahaha
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I agree, this looks a lot like a wedding
perfectkawa ✌: theyre getting medals of honor
ur favorite lolcat: no, luke dates leia, remember?
perfectkawa ✌: oh yeah
ur favorite lolcat: can’t believe you forgot 

6:01 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Okay, that was better than I expected.
perfectkawa ✌: o(^▽^)o
perfectkawa ✌: you’re going to watch the next two, right?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: At some point, yes.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Suga says to tell you guys that he’s making me watch them the weekend after next.
perfectkawa ✌: excellent
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Kuroo, he says good luck at Nationals.
HOOT HOOT: OH YEAH THOSE ARE NEXT WEEK
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date.
perfectkawa ✌: ( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮
ur favorite lolcat: ushiwaka youve been quiet
ur favorite lolcat: what did you think?
perfectkawa ✌: if you dont like it just go ahead and say so (◕‿◕✿)
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: They shouldve given it a better name
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: The stars arent even fighting each other
perfectkawa ✌: BYE
ur favorite lolcat: lmao
HOOT HOOT: I LIKE YOU A LOT USHIWAKA

 

January 11, 2016
3:02 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: have you guys ever thought about shakespeare?
ur favorite lolcat: like, really thought about him
ur favorite lolcat: were reading 12th night in my english lit class and its ridiculously hard and everyone hates it but like … i dont really?
ur favorite lolcat: i actually really like it
ur favorite lolcat: shakespeare was such a guy. lyrical beauty and great dick jokes
ur favorite lolcat:
theres a man i could get behind me
ur favorite lolcat:
not saying id fuck shakespeare but
ur favorite lolcat:
ok actually though
ur favorite lolcat: “fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?”
ur favorite lolcat: “sir, I have not you by the hand.”
ur favorite lolcat: “marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand.”
ur favorite lolcat: “now, sir, 'thought is free:' I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.”
ur favorite lolcat: “wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your metaphor?”
ur favorite lolcat: “it’s dry, sir.”
ur favorite lolcat: “why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can keep my hand dry. but what's your jest?”
ur favorite lolcat: “a dry jest, sir.”
ur favorite lolcat: “are you full of them?”
ur favorite lolcat: “ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren.”
ur favorite lolcat: NICE KILL MARIA
ur favorite lolcat: she could probably kick my ass
ur favorite lolcat: id let her
ur favorite lolcat: none of us could write puns this good
ur favorite lolcat: theres like...all these metaphors and shit its mad deep
ur favorite lolcat: this guy puts on these ridiculous yellow tights bc he thinks itll impress this girl he likes and i think THATS some kind of metaphor
ur favorite lolcat: do u think i would look good in yellow tights
ur favorite lolcat: nobody answer that
ur favorite lolcat: he has the sickest rhymes like they rhyme at the end of lines but also in the middle of them???
ur favorite lolcat: like what the fuck
ur favorite lolcat: theres also cool gender stuff
ur favorite lolcat: like viola is a girl but also a dude? kinda like kenma i think
ur favorite lolcat: i wish everything didnt end up straight in the end but i can overlook some mistakes
ur favorite lolcat: literally just
ur favorite lolcat: just read this shit
ur favorite lolcat: “'tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white
                            nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on:
                            lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,
                            if you will lead these graces to the grave
                            and leave the world no copy.”
ur favorite lolcat: god damn
ur favorite lolcat: its a thing...but he talks about it like a human??? and u still know exactly what hes on about
ur favorite lolcat: wow
ur favorite lolcat: ive never liked english lit this much before but like
ur favorite lolcat: theyre all great and you want them to find love
ur favorite lolcat: but is what theyre feeling love or is it infatuation? how can you tell the difference? what is billy shakes trying to tell us
ur favorite lolcat: he asks this question right. and its like, the central question of the play
ur favorite lolcat: but he asks it with the voice of the fool which is like a symbol i think and i just
ur favorite lolcat: i just
ur favorite lolcat: what is love?
HOOT HOOT: BABY DON’T HURT ME

3:25 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: bro?
ur favorite lolcat: well
ur favorite lolcat: ur
ur favorite lolcat: not wrong
HOOT HOOT: :D

5:19 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: ok kuroo youre never allowed to make fun of me for being a space nerd ever again
ur favorite lolcat: i absolutely am
ur favorite lolcat: ur way worse
perfectkawa ✌: WELL STAR WARS IS WAY COOLER THAN THIS SHAKES GUY
ur favorite lolcat: excuse me
ur favorite lolcat: do u wanna go
perfectkawa ✌: YEAH I DO
perfectkawa ✌: SEIJOH V NEKOMA
perfectkawa ✌: NEXT SATURDAY 9AM
ur favorite lolcat: well see how ur serves do against our infinite receives
perfectkawa ✌: YEAH WE WILL
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Guys, please go to bed.
perfectkawa ✌: YOU GO TO BED
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I actually just woke up.
ur favorite lolcat:
ur favorite lolcat: im gonna go get some coffee
perfectkawa ✌: me too
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: COFFEE IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE FOR SLEEP.
perfectkawa ✌: ok dad 

7:42 A.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Those puns are quite impressive.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: As is that speech
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Thank you for sharing, Kuroo
ur favorite lolcat: ur welcome
ur favorite lolcat: nice to know someone else appreciates shakespeare

8:03 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: NERD
ur favorite lolcat: SHUT UP
ur favorite lolcat: i was doing my HOMEWORK
ur favorite lolcat: ok u know what im gonna make you too intimidated to make fun of me
HOOT HOOT: bro how

ur favorite lolcat changed their icon

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Is… Is that my thighs?
HOOT HOOT: hmm

HOOT HOOT changed their icon

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: What the fuck actually
HOOT HOOT: NO PERIOD AT THE END
HOOT HOOT: THE CROW IS GETTIN RILED
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Your icon is my SHOULDERS.
ur favorite lolcat: NICE
ur favorite lolcat: oikawa get in on this

perfectkawa ✌ changed their icon

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oh my god.
perfectkawa ✌: im still going to make fun of you kuroo

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture.

ur favorite lolcat: make fun of THIS
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Did you have to send it in high resolution?

11:02 A.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I am confused
ur favorite lolcat: join the party ushiwaka
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Okay

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI changed their icon

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Okay, how do you even have that picture??
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: The video of our match
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oh my god.

ur favorite lolcat has renamed this conversation to “sawamura body squad 2k16”

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: This is ridiculous.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: It feels like I'm talking to my own legs.
ur favorite lolcat: theyre the kind of legs that could talk back
HOOT HOOT: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

January 13, 2016
6:02 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: sawamura
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Kuroo.
ur favorite lolcat: day one
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: It begins.
ur favorite lolcat: did u look at the bracket?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I did.
ur favorite lolcat: if karasuno wins two matches
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: And Nekoma wins two matches.
ur favorite lolcat: and
HOOT HOOT: DOES THIS MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS
ur favorite lolcat: idk bro what do u think it means
HOOT HOOT: THE MATCH
HOOT HOOT: THE NEKOMA KARASUNO MATCH
HOOT HOOT: THE ONE YOUR COACHES HAVE WANTED FOREVER
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: You mean Cat vs Crow: Battle at the Trash Heap.
HOOT HOOT: IT EVEN HAS AN OFFICIAL TITLE OH MY GOD
ur favorite lolcat: ive literally never seen our coach this excited
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Same here.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Both young and old Ukais think this will be a battle for the ages.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: And the kids are excited, too - Hinata made that crow noise for ten minutes straight when he saw the bracket, and Tanaka has ripped his shirt off three times on this bus ride alone.
ur favorite lolcat: oh man how is that bus ride
ur favorite lolcat: u ready to kill something yet?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I think everyone is trying too hard to focus to be really hard to handle.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: And Hinata hasn’t puked yet!
ur favorite lolcat: yet
HOOT HOOT: HINATA CAN PUKE ON ME WHEN HE GETS HERE
ur favorite lolcat: dude thats gross 

8:55 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: sawamura
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Yes?
perfectkawa ✌: good luck or whatever
perfectkawa ✌: give miyagi a good reputation
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I’m sure few people’s serves will be as hard to receive as yours, Oikawa.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: If Karasuno beat Shiratorizawa, Karasuno should be able to beat many of the teams at Nationals
ur favorite lolcat: beat many teams so that we can make the battle at the trash heap a reality
ur favorite lolcat: but no pressure
HOOT HOOT: ILL BE THERE IN THE STANDS
HOOT HOOT: NOT NECESSARILY YOUR STANDS BUT I WILL BE THERE IN SOME STANDS
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Thanks, guys.

 

January 15, 2016
9:17 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: CAT VS CROW BATTLE AT THE TRASH HEAP
HOOT HOOT: FINALLY HAPPENING AFTER LITERAL YEARS
HOOT HOOT: WHOS EXCITED
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I’m excited.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: To put those cats in their place.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: (Their place being the litter box.)
ur favorite lolcat: weve beaten u before we can do it again
HOOT HOOT: NO OFFENSE SAWAMURA BUT IM CHEERING FOR NEKOMA ON THIS ONE
HOOT HOOT: EXCEPT FOR WHEN HINATA MAKES A SPIKE
HOOT HOOT: I WILL ALWAYS CHEER FOR HINATA
HOOT HOOT: AND FOR TSUKISHIMA
HOOT HOOT: AND FOR YOU
HOOT HOOT: AND FOR SUGAWARA 

9:23 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: CAN YOU CHEER FOR TWO TEAMS
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You can, but your voice will probably give out
HOOT HOOT: DO U KNOW THAT FROM EXPERIENCE USHIWAKA
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: No
HOOT HOOT: THEN IM GONNA TRY IT ANYWAY

 

January 16, 2016
8:54 A.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I wouldn’t be offended if you didn’t cheer for Karasuno, Bokuto.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: When we played Shiratorizawa, they had at least ten times the number of fans that we did, but we still won.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: That reminder was unnecessary
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oh, was it?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Sorry, I have to go, we’re starting our warm-ups.
ur favorite lolcat: good luck sawamura
ur favorite lolcat: ur gonna need it
HOOT HOOT: GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU 

9:25 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: OHOHOHOLY SHIT
HOOT HOOT: IS THAT OIKAWA TOORU I SEE
perfectkawa ✌: no
HOOT HOOT: THEN WHO IS THAT DASHING SETTER IN A GREEN JACKET
HOOT HOOT: DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STADIUM FROM ME
HOOT HOOT: SITTING NEXT TO IWAIZUMI HAJIME
perfectkawa ✌: we were in tokyo because we had college interviews yesterday okay!!
HOOT HOOT: WHATEVER U SAY DUDE
HOOT HOOT: OOH!  YOU SHOULD COME SIT WITH ME AND AKAASHI!
perfectkawa ✌: no way
HOOT HOOT: PLEASE
HOOT HOOT: ITD BE A REAL PARTY
perfectkawa ✌: what part of no way dont you understand
HOOT HOOT: WE’RE GOING OVER THERE

9:43 A.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Does your offer extend to captains of other teams, Bokuto?
HOOT HOOT: WHICH OFFER
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: The sitting together offer
HOOT HOOT: YES OF COURSE!!!!
HOOT HOOT: WAIT
HOOT HOOT: USHIWAKA ARE U HERE TOO???
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Along with several other members of my team
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: We wanted our underclassmen to get a good idea of what theyll be up against next year
perfectkawa ✌: so you guys really are trying to strategize more huh
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: We are
HOOT HOOT: WHERE ARE U I DONT SEE YOU
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Across from and to the right of you, I think
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Ill wave
HOOT HOOT: OHH!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: SHIT USHIWAKA UR EVEN SCARIER IN PERSON
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Thanks
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: The neck brace is a good look for Akaashi
HOOT HOOT: he says thanks
HOOT HOOT: COME OVER
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Okay

1 0:08 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: help
perfectkawa ✌: bokuto and this middle blocker from shiratorizawa havent stopped yelling in each others faces for half an hour
perfectkawa ✌: the memes are growing exponentially
perfectkawa ✌: EXPONENTIALLY
perfectkawa ✌: WHY IS NOBODY ELSE ONLINE IN MY HOUR OF NEED

10:12 A.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Tendou and Bokuto get along well
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I fail to see the problem with this

10:17 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌ sent a picture

perfectkawa ✌: i know that the only people who could help are on the court right now
perfectkawa ✌: but please save me
HOOT HOOT: HAHA THAT SELFIE IS A TRAINWRECK
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Oikawa why do you look so distressed?
perfectkawa ✌: TAKE A WILD FUCKING GUESS USHIWAKA-CHAN 

10:36 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: SCORE IS CURRENTLY 20-23 KARASUNO-NEKOMA IN THE 2ND SET I REPEAT 20-23 IN THE 2ND SET, 1-0 KARASUNO OVERALL
HOOT HOOT: HINATAS SERVE
HOOT HOOT: AND I LOVE MY CROW SON BUT BOY OH BOY IS THIS GONNA BE A TRAINWRECK
HOOT HOOT: BUT WAIT!!!  HINATAS SWITCHING OUT!!!
HOOT HOOT: ITS THE FRECKLED KID WHATS HIS NAME TSUKKIS FRIEND
HOOT HOOT: YAMAGUCHI!!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: YAMAGUCHI GETS READY
HOOT HOOT: SUGAWARA AND THE OTHER PLAYERS ON THE BENCH DO ONE HELL OF A CHEER
HOOT HOOT: BET SAWAMURA WISHES SUGAWARA DID THAT FOR HIM ALL THE TIME
HOOT HOOT: AND YAMAGUCHI SERVES!!!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: ONE HELL OF A JUMP FLOAT SERVE
HOOT HOOT: BUT KUROO RECEIVES IT!!!
HOOT HOOT: THATS MY BRO!!!!!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: KENMA SETS
HOOT HOOT: YAMAMOTO SPIKES
HOOT HOOT: NISHINOYA RECEIVES IN THE LAST SECOND MAN OH MAN
HOOT HOOT: TANAKA COVERS
HOOT HOOT: KAGEYAMAS GONNA SET
HOOT HOOT: MAN THAT FIRST YEAR IS TERRIFYING IN GAMES YOU CAN PRACTICALLY SEE THE GEARS IN HIS HEAD FLYING
HOOT HOOT: WHERES HE GONNA TOSS WHOS HE GONNA TOSS TO I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW
HOOT HOOT: AND SAWAMURA DRIVES IT  HOME HO LY SHIT
HOOT HOOT: POINT TO KARASUNO!!!!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
perfectkawa ✌: bokuto why are you doing this
perfectkawa ✌: literally everyone is either playing in the match or watching it
HOOT HOOT: IM DOCUMENTING
HOOT HOOT: FOR POSTERITY
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Don’t they have video cameras for that?
HOOT HOOT: OH YEAH
perfectkawa ✌: also why are we doing this when we’re sitting literally five feet away from each other
HOOT HOOT: I DONT KNOW WHY ARE U SUCH AN ASSHOLE
perfectkawa ✌: i am not a asfsaas;dlkfj
perfectkawa ✌: jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
perfectkawa ✌: hello ev   eryone id like to stat efor the recor rddsa that i aaaam an asshole
perfectkawa ✌: alss o i
perfectkawa ✌: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
perfectkawa ✌: bokuto wtf
perfectkawa ✌: im turning my phone off
HOOT HOOT: :D
HOOT HOOT: AAAAAAAAND NEKOMA TAKES THE SECOND SET WITH A KILL BLOCK NICE ONE KUROO
HOOT HOOT: KNEW MY BRO HAD THIS
HOOT HOOT: hinata looks like hes getting tired should i bring him an energy bar
HOOT HOOT: wait but if he threw up during the game they’d probably take him out
HOOT HOOT: am i being a good dad
HOOT HOOT: wheres sawamura when you need him 

11:22 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: OK OIKAWAS GONNA BE MAD AT ME BUT I GOTTA RECORD THIS
HOOT HOOT: THE THIRD SET HAS BEEN GOING FOR LIKE FORTY MINUTES AND THEYRE DEUCED AT 28-27 NEKOMA
HOOT HOOT: YAMAMOTO GOES TO SPIKE
HOOT HOOT: BUT WHOS THAT
HOOT HOOT: TSUKISHIMA WITH THE UMBRELLA BLOCK FROM THE FUCKIN SKY
HOOT HOOT: HOLY SHIT KUROO WHAT DID YOU TEACH THAT KID
HOOT HOOT: IM SCARED AND IM NOT EVEN ON THE COURT
HOOT HOOT: TIED AT 28 HOLY SHIT IM GOING TO DIE
HOOT HOOT: AZUMANE SERVES
HOOT HOOT: RIGHT TO LEV
HOOT HOOT: OUCH
HOOT HOOT: 29-28 KARASUNO
HOOT HOOT: TO BE FAIR TO LEV AZUMANE IS TERRIFYING
HOOT HOOT: AZUMANE SERVES AGAIN
HOOT HOOT: LEV RECEIVES IT THIS TIME
HOOT HOOT: BARELY
HOOT HOOT: KUROO COVERS
HOOT HOOT: KENMA SENDS IT TO KAI
HOOT HOOT: NOYA DIVES   BUT
HOOT HOOT: HOLY SHIT 29-29. HOLY SHIT
HOOT HOOT: FUKUNAGA SERVES
HOOT HOOT: AND THERES OUR MAN TO RECEIVE IT
HOOT HOOT: GO SAWAMURA GOGOGOOO
HOOT HOOT: HE SENDS IT TO THEIR LIBERO WHO
HOOT HOOT: SETS IT???
HOOT HOOT: THATS NEW
HOOT HOOT: NICE KILL AZUMANE 30-29
HOOT HOOT: TSUKISHIMA SERVES
HOOT HOOT: SORRY TSUKKI BUT YAKU’S GOT THIS EASY
HOOT HOOT: KENMA SENDS IT UP
HOOT HOOT: KUROO SPIKES IT LIKE ITS PUNCH
HOOT HOOT: BUT THERES THAT WILD LIBERO AGAIN SHIT TOO HOT HOT DAMN
HOOT HOOT: AND KAGEYAMA GOES TO SET IT TO NUMBER FI
HOOT HOOT: WAIT
HOOT HOOT: WHAT THE FUCK
HOOT HOOT: OH MY GOD.
HOOT HOOT: OH MY GOD
HOOT HOOT: I HAVE TO GO 

11:36 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: holy shit 236 unread messages
ur favorite lolcat: we missed a party
HOOT HOOT: THE PARTY WAS ON THE COURT I THINK 

11:43 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: bokuto have u ever heard of a lowercase letter
HOOT HOOT: I EXIST IN CAPS LOCK
HOOT HOOT: THAT WAS A HELL OF A MATCH BRO
ur favorite lolcat: remember when you told tsukki he sucked at volleyball
HOOT HOOT: OH YEAH
HOOT HOOT: YOU ATE THOSE WORDS HUH
ur favorite lolcat: they were YOUR words, you dipshit
ur favorite lolcat: oh man hes never gonna let me live this down
ur favorite lolcat: ever
perfectkawa ✌: sorry, explain?
HOOT HOOT: OH YOU WERENT AT THE TRAINING CAMP
HOOT HOOT: ME AND KUROO TAUGHT KARASUNOS GLASSES KUN HOW TO BLOCK
perfectkawa ✌: does someone that tall even have anything to learn
ur favorite lolcat: ;)
perfectkawa ✌: well you taught him pretty well i guess
perfectkawa ✌: “when I left you...I was but the learner”
perfectkawa ✌: “now I am the master”
ur favorite lolcat: yeah, yeah, my own Padawan struck me down, whatever
perfectkawa ✌: what, no comeback for my sick burn?
ur favorite lolcat: you know who else got sick burned
ur favorite lolcat: anakin
perfectkawa ✌: OK TOO FAR
ur favorite lolcat: hahahahaha
ur favorite lolcat: roasted
ur favorite lolcat: (get it)
perfectkawa ✌: OH FUCK YOU
perfectkawa ✌: at least I didnt get out-blocked by a first-year I trained
perfectkawa ✌: hes not on your team why would you even do that
ur favorite lolcat: BC IM NICE
perfectkawa ✌: you are not
ur favorite lolcat: I AM
ur favorite lolcat: im a good person
ur favorite lolcat: he was a little shit about it too
ur favorite lolcat: why did bokuto get the adorable kouhai who worships the ground he walks on and i got this lanky asshole
perfectkawa ✌: you’re a lanky asshole
ur favorite lolcat: ok youre right about that
perfectkawa ✌: and bokuto is actually nice
ur favorite lolcat: that too
HOOT HOOT: aw
HOOT HOOT: SPEAKING OF HINATA
HOOT HOOT: HOLY SHIT
ur favorite lolcat: Y EAH
ur favorite lolcat: honestly i wouldn’t believe it if i hadn’t been there
ur favorite lolcat: like, right there
ur favorite lolcat: i think my fingertips still hurt
ur favorite lolcat: im not even angry tbh
ur favorite lolcat: like
ur favorite lolcat: if youre gonna lose
ur favorite lolcat: losing to hinatas spike in a 31-29 deuce is not a bad way to go out
ur favorite lolcat: didnt think chibi-chan had it in him
HOOT HOOT: YOUR MISTAKE
HOOT HOOT: THATS MY SON YKNOW
ur favorite lolcat: no child of yours would be smart enough to bounce a spike off my fingertips
HOOT HOOT: CANT HEAR YOU
HOOT HOOT: TOO PROUD OF MY SON
HOOT HOOT: DID U SEE HIM WHEN IT LANDED
HOOT HOOT: HE WAS YELLING
HOOT HOOT: AND CRYING
ur favorite lolcat: i was there yes
HOOT HOOT: I ALMOST CRIED TOO
ur favorite lolcat: course you did
HOOT HOOT: what did kenma say to him? i saw them talking afterwards
ur favorite lolcat: dunno
HOOT HOOT: i think kenma was smiling
HOOT HOOT: it was kind of disconcerting
ur favorite lolcat: i overheard him say something along the lines of ‘you were right’
ur favorite lolcat: hell if i know what it meant
ur favorite lolcat: my own S.O.
ur favorite lolcat: (HES MY S.O. AAAAAA)
HOOT HOOT: (HELL YEAH!!!)
HOOT HOOT: (thats gay bro)
ur favorite lolcat: (hell yeah)
ur favorite lolcat: my own S.O.
ur favorite lolcat: and chibi-chan’s still the only one who can get him worked up
ur favorite lolcat: kageyama killed it too, oikawa
perfectkawa ✌: why are you telling me
ur favorite lolcat: hes your protege isnt he
perfectkawa ✌: what
perfectkawa ✌: no
ur favorite lolcat: you were rooting for him weren’t you
perfectkawa ✌: i was NOT
HOOT HOOT: HES LYING I WAS THERE
HOOT HOOT: HE GOT SO EXCITED WHEN KAGEYAMA DID THAT SETTER DUMP
perfectkawa ✌: I DID NOT
HOOT HOOT: YOU DID
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Bokuto is right
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I was there too
perfectkawa ✌: SHIT
perfectkawa ✌: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LURKING
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Im three people away from you
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You can see clearly im on my phone
perfectkawa ✌: THAT DOESNT NECESSARILY MEAN YOURE ON SKYPE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You were excited about Kageyamas success
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I understand your feelings
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: He is an excellent setter
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Your former kouhai did well
perfectkawa ✌: PISS OFF
perfectkawa ✌: BOKUTO GOT EXCITED DURING THE SECOND SET AND ACCIDENTALLY PUNCHED AKAASHI IN THE FACE
HOOT HOOT: BRO
ur favorite lolcat: bokuto you asshole
HOOT HOOT: WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT
perfectkawa ✌: IF IM GOING DOWN IM TAKING YOU ALL DOWN WITH ME
HOOT HOOT: HOLY SHIT 0 CHILL
ur favorite lolcat: how is akaashi doing??? aside from being punched
HOOT HOOT: HES AWESOME
perfectkawa ✌: hes too calm for bokuto
perfectkawa ✌: too pretty too >.<
HOOT HOOT: IM VERY PRETTY
ur favorite lolcat: youre beautiful bro
perfectkawa ✌: im still the prettiest
HOOT HOOT: HAVENT WE BEEN OVER THIS
ur favorite lolcat: where are you guys now?
HOOT HOOT: were still chillin in the stands
HOOT HOOT: WANNA JOIN US FOR KARASUNOS GAME THIS AFTERNOON
ur favorite lolcat: sure
ur favorite lolcat: its gonna be just me, though
ur favorite lolcat: the rest of nekoma is heading home after lunch, theyre dead tired and pretty down
ur favorite lolcat: im the first one out of the locker room otherwise id be paying attention to them and not skype
HOOT HOOT: aw
ur favorite lolcat: smh theyre taking ages
ur favorite lolcat: how long does it take to change your damn clothing
perfectkawa ✌: you’re such a mom
ur favorite lolcat: oh nah yaku is definitely the mom
ur favorite lolcat: im the cool dad who plays classic rock and picks them up from school in a mercedes-benz
perfectkawa ✌: i’m pretty sure you’re the dad who makes them walk home from school and tells them how when you were their age it was 10 miles uphill both ways
ur favorite lolcat: alright well youre the dad who still dresses like its the 1980s even though its 2016
perfectkawa ✌: UM EXCUSE YOU i think im the hot dad you find making out w your friend in the kitchen at 2am when youre having a slumber party
ur favorite lolcat: lmao bullshit
ur favorite lolcat: anyway i have to go, i think i can hear them finishing in there
ur favorite lolcat: time for the “you did good theres always next year” talk
HOOT HOOT: COME FIND US AFTER LUNCH
perfectkawa ✌: um, excuse me, “us”?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Im staying
perfectkawa ✌: IM NOT
HOOT HOOT: BRO :(
perfectkawa ✌: no
perfectkawa ✌: NO
perfectkawa ✌: STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT
perfectkawa ✌: ...ugh
perfectkawa ✌: fine
HOOT HOOT: YES
ur favorite lolcat: hahahahaha
ur favorite lolcat: sorry bro, shouldve warned you how powerful his puppy-dog eyes are irl
ur favorite lolcat: (ok i really do have to go now ttyl)
perfectkawa ✌: but ONLY if you promise not to document the next match in this chat
HOOT HOOT: bro :(
HOOT HOOT: its for posterity
perfectkawa ✌: start a note on your phone or something, i don’t care
perfectkawa ✌: just don’t spam the group
perfectkawa ✌: otherwise im going home
HOOT HOOT: alriiiiiiiight
HOOT HOOT: JUST FOR YOU BRO
HOOT HOOT: ANYTHING FOR YOU
perfectkawa ✌: (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

4:53 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Wow, that’s … a lot of missed messages.
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: GOOD GAME MAN
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You fought valiantly
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: That team was in the top four last year
perfectkawa ✌: damn
perfectkawa ✌: thats some tough shit
perfectkawa ✌: karasuno put up a good fight though
perfectkawa ✌: your defense is actually worth mentioning now
ur favorite lolcat: yeah cause TSUKISHIMA KEI FINALLY STEPPED UP HIS GAME
HOOT HOOT: bro his team literally beat urs not 6 hours ago
ur favorite lolcat: doesnt mean he didnt do a good job
ur favorite lolcat: also i just ran into his older brother
ur favorite lolcat: i hadnt even known tsukishima had an older brother
ur favorite lolcat: he seems like a cool dude. from what i could gather between his proud crying
HOOT HOOT: WTF I WANT TO MEET TSUKISHIMAS BROTHER
HOOT HOOT: ALSO WHERE DID SAWAMURA GO
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Here.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Sorry, had to find Asahi a tissue.
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA WHERE ARE U
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: In … this group chat?
HOOT HOOT: NO
HOOT HOOT: IN THE STADIUM
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Outside one of the locker rooms, waiting for my team.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: We’re heading back soon.
HOOT HOOT: NO
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: No?
HOOT HOOT: U CANT LEAVE YET
HOOT HOOT: NOT WITHOUT A HUG FROM ME
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I can’t hold the bus, Bokuto.
ur favorite lolcat: dont lie to us dadchi
ur favorite lolcat: you absolutely can
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Are you coming, too?
ur favorite lolcat: is that even a question
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I am also coming
perfectkawa ✌: and me
perfectkawa ✌: not entirely sure why but
perfectkawa ✌: here i am
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: … Wow.
HOOT HOOT: ARE U REALLY SO SURPRISED THAT WED WANT TO GIVE YOU VICTORY HUGS
HOOT HOOT: OR THAT ID WANT TO GIVE YOU A VICTORY HUG
HOOT HOOT: THE OTHERS JUST WANT TO GIVE VICTORY HANDSHAKES OR SOMETHING IDK
HOOT HOOT: ANYWAY
HOOT HOOT: WHICH LOCKER ROOM
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: 12

11:42 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I just read through all of the messages from earlier.  I’m going to try to reply to everything and everyone all at once, if that’s okay.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Bokuto, thank you for cheering on both teams.  I can’t speak for everyone at Karasuno, but I could definitely hear you.  And thank you for documenting parts of the match with Nekoma - even though I’ll be able to watch the video of it, it was strangely really, really nice to re-read all of that.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Kuroo, thank you for a good match.  It was a battle our teams waited years for, and I think we upheld our legacies well.  I hope your coach is as proud as mine is.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oikawa and Ushijima, thank you for coming to watch.  I wasn’t expecting either of you to come, but it was great to have your support.  It was also nice to meet both Iwaizumi and Tendou off of the court, even though it was only for a few seconds.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Today has been a ridiculously long day, and I’m almost falling asleep typing this.  But I wanted to thank all of you for being there.

11:47 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA UR SUCH A ;;;
HOOT HOOT: SUCH A GOOD DAD
ur favorite lolcat: honestly its not surprising karasuno did as well as they did
ur favorite lolcat: just look at their captain
HOOT HOOT: YEAH REALLY 

11:56 P.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Sawamura, Tendou says it was nice to see you, too.
perfectkawa ✌: iwachan said the same thing
perfectkawa ✌: although apparently sawamura and iwachan have been talking over skype for a while too????
perfectkawa ✌: and i didnt realize??????
ur favorite lolcat: what is it oikawa
ur favorite lolcat: are u concerned ur best friend will find a new best friend better than you in every conceivable way?
perfectkawa ✌: OK GOODNIGHT
ur favorite lolcat: lmao
ur favorite lolcat: gnight, oikawa
ur favorite lolcat: sleep tight
HOOT HOOT: bro you never tell me to sleep tight :(
ur favorite lolcat: sleep tight, bokuto
HOOT HOOT: :D :D :D <3 zzzzz

 

January 23, 2016
10:26 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: GUYSSSSSSSS
HOOT HOOT: I WANTED TO TEL LYOU
HOOT HOOT: I;;;;;;LVOE OVLLELYBALL
HOOT HOOT: ADN YOU
HOOT HOOT: SO MUCH…………..
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: ???
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA
HOOT HOOT: YOURE SO BEAUITUFLFJL
HOOT HOOT: IM EAN WIES
HOOT HOOT: TAHTS WHAT  INEANTM
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: ?????????
ur favorite lolcat: sup bokuto
HOOT HOOT: KUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HOOT HOOT: KUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HOOT HOOT: KUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: ...Is he drunk?!?!?!
ur favorite lolcat: in all honesty i have no idea
ur favorite lolcat: this is very close to his regular personality
HOOT HOOT: IM INTOXICNATED
ur favorite lolcat: there it is
HOOT HOOT: I   MMMM
HOOT HOOT: DRINK
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Drink?
HOOT HOOT: DRINKKKKKKK

ur favorite lolcat has renamed this conversation to “DRINK”

HOOT HOOT has renamed this conversation to “DRIDNAKGSDGLA;;;;;;”

HOOT HOOT changed the conversation picture

ur favorite lolcat: is that
ur favorite lolcat: is that the challenge accepted meme
HOOT HOOT: YOUD ONT  LIKE IT??????????????
HOOT HOOT: ????????????

HOOT HOOT changed the conversation picture.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: It’s… A blurry picture of Akaashi.

HOOT HOOT changed the conversation picture.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: It’s… Another blurry picture of Akaashi, at a slightly different angle.
HOOT HOOT: CAUSE HESH MY ANGKEL
ur favorite lolcat: lol gay
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Why are you “drink”, Bokuto?
HOOT HOOT: AKAASSSSHI IS HERKE TOOL
HOOT HOOT: *TOO
ur favorite lolcat: that's hardly the most concerning typo there
HOOT HOOT: WE’LREB GERADUITNAGN
HOOT HOOT: I MEAN I AM
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: What, right now?
HOOT HOOT: SON
HOOT HOOT: *SOON
HOOT HOOT: IM DIRNKING MY FLEELNGS
HOOT HOOT: AKASHIH ISB DIRNKIGN EBCAUSE
HOOT HOOT: PEER SPRUESUSRE
HOOT HOOT: OUR CHEESK ARE SO WAMR IM TOUJCING THEJM THEY AJRE SO WRAM
perfectkawa ✌: oh hi bokuto!
perfectkawa ✌: how are u doing
HOOT HOOT: WEELLE IM LYINGB ON THE FLOROR
HOOT HOOT: WHCBJGN IS ONE  OFNM Y FAVOIRBTE THINGS TO D O
HOOT HOOT: AND IM SITKCING MY LEG UP RELAYLY FAR
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Bokuto, are you okay?
HOOT HOOT: IN B GREAT
HOOT HOOT: DO U EBVER STIKC U R ELG UP REALLYB FAR
HOOT HOOT: U SHUJD
HOOT HOOT: U AVHE GREATB JLEGS
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I cannot say I’ve ever considered it.
perfectkawa ✌: that sounds pretty great actually
perfectkawa ✌: i mean sticking your leg up really far. not sawamura’s legs
ur favorite lolcat: excuse u sawamura’s legs are beautiful
HOOT HOOT: OIKAWS A DO YOUJW ANT TON CALLKJ
HOOT HOOT: ANDN STIKC UP HGOURJ LEGS OTGEHT EHR
HOOT HOOT: AND TALKT ABOUT OURJNH FLEELINGS
perfectkawa ✌: i can’t, sorry :c
perfectkawa ✌: i’m studying for exams right now and i can’t take much of a break
HOOT HOOT: NO ITS OKAKY
HOOT HOOT: AKASHJIH IAN DI AJ AR EJLKTAKING ABOUT LKREFELINGS
HOOT HOOT: IM GNIONG TO MISNS HIM SO MUCJH IN EV ERJWANT TO BE APAR TBFBORM HIM
HOOT HOOT: I LVOE HTAT BOY THERJES NOBODY IKN LOVE HNMORE
HOOT HOOT: IM GHOING TO TELLK HIM THATJ
perfectkawa ✌: ughhh
HOOT HOOT: ITSN NOT ATHJAT KIND OF LVOE??????????????
HOOT HOOT: OKK IMG OING TO GO TELKK H IM TAHT
HOOT HOOT: THEN DJIRNK K NKP,MORE
HOOT HOOT: OGODNIGHT OUIAWKAA
HOOT HOOT: @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
perfectkawa ✌: fine, have fun

 

January 24, 2016
10:02 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: I JUST WOKE UP SNUGGLED UP TO AKAASHI
HOOT HOOT: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

11:38 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: im surrounded by hopeless romantics (;¬_¬)
HOOT HOOT: HOW MANY TIMES DO I GOTTA TELL YOU ITS NOT LIKE THAT
HOOT HOOT: BESIDES WE WERE ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR
HOOT HOOT: THATS NOT ROMANTIC
perfectkawa ✌: oh but you want to spend all your time with him and talk about your feelings and cuddle a lot
HOOT HOOT: why cant friends do that
perfectkawa ✌: but you want to do that for the rest of your life? and you love him more than anyone?
HOOT HOOT: yeah
perfectkawa ✌: thats literally a relationship
HOOT HOOT: but its not in a romantic way
HOOT HOOT: i cant have the relationship part without romantic feelings
perfectkawa ✌: why not?
HOOT HOOT: akaashi wouldnt want that
perfectkawa ✌: have u asked him???
perfectkawa ✌: ...bokuto?

 

January 26, 2016
5:34 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: hey ushiwaka
HOOT HOOT: can i ask u something?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes?
HOOT HOOT: how did your spikes get to be so powerful?
HOOT HOOT: like ur in the top 3 best spikers in the country and im only top 5 but
HOOT HOOT: from what ive heard u dont strategize a lot with ur spiking to get past blockers
HOOT HOOT: u just sort-of slam past them
HOOT HOOT: with ur SUPERSTRENGTH or whatever
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Well, I’ve been practicing the same type of spike for years
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: But most of my strength comes from Shiratorizawa
HOOT HOOT: what?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Shiratorizawa
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: My high school
ur favorite lolcat: we know what shiratorizawa is ushiwaka
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Then why are you confused?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Dont you know that all strength in volleyball comes from Shiratorizawa?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Its why our players are the best
HOOT HOOT: so great spikes come from
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Shiratorizawa
ur favorite lolcat: great receives?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Shiratorizawa
HOOT HOOT: great tosses?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Shiratorizawa
ur favorite lolcat: great blocks?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Shiratorizawa
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Great teamwork?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Shiratorizawa
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: That doesn’t make any sense, Shiratorizawa’s strategy doesn’t rely on teamwork at all.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: It doesnt have to make sense
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: It’s Shiratorizawa
perfectkawa ✌: i cant decide whether ur an idiot or just really ill-informed 

5:42 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: ushiwaka?
perfectkawa ✌: was my burn so bad u had to leave?
ur favorite lolcat: it wasnt that good of a burn oikawa
perfectkawa ✌: EXCUSE U
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Sorry, I was answering a text from Satori
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: The Shiratorizawa thing was a joke
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Didnt you guys realize that?
ur favorite lolcat: holy shit
HOOT HOOT: USHIWAKA!!!!
HOOT HOOT: THAT WAS A GOOD JOKE
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I don’t get it.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Its based on that star show
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Not Star Wars. The other one
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: This one guy thinks that everything comes from Russia
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Really funny joke
perfectkawa ✌: WTF THE FUCK
perfectkawa ✌: USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI MADE A STAR TREK REFERENCE
perfectkawa ✌: AND EVEN WORSE
perfectkawa ✌: I DIDNT GET IT
perfectkawa ✌: THIS IS THE DAY THAT I DIE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: That seems like a rather inconsequential reason to die
ur favorite lolcat: clearly u dont know oikawa at all 

5:55 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: ok but seriously
HOOT HOOT: whats ur spiking secret ushiwaka
HOOT HOOT: i need to know
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I think it’s just consistent practice
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: That and punching a tree a hundred times a day
HOOT HOOT: another joke!!!
HOOT HOOT: right?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Did I answer your question?
HOOT HOOT: i think so
HOOT HOOT: ur a really powerful spiker ushiwaka
HOOT HOOT: i was watching some of the video footage from the international tournament and
HOOT HOOT: u can rely on force most of the time but also change attacks quickly when you get blocked
HOOT HOOT: its really cool
HOOT HOOT: i want to go up against you someday
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I look forward to it
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: From what I’ve heard, you’re a formidable opponent yourself
HOOT HOOT: although while were talking i actually have another question
HOOT HOOT: totally unrelated to volleyball
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes?
HOOT HOOT: about u and tendou
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: What about him?
HOOT HOOT: ive been doing some research on this aromantic thing and i found this term
HOOT HOOT: queerplatonic partner
HOOT HOOT: its like being platonic life partners forever
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Bokuto, this might be a silly question, but what's the difference between that and just a regular relationship?
HOOT HOOT: ok think of it like
HOOT HOOT: your ace, azumane
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Yes?
HOOT HOOT: you love him
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Well, yes, but not like I love Suga.
HOOT HOOT: but you love him and you want him in your life indefinitely
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Yes.
HOOT HOOT: but you don't NEED him to survive or feel like you're whole
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Yeah.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: So… It works like a relationship, but you're just friends?
HOOT HOOT: bro
HOOT HOOT: friendship isn't JUST anything :(
HOOT HOOT: its a different emotion not a lesser one
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: That sounds like what Tendou and I are, yes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I hadnt realized there was a term for this
HOOT HOOT: cool!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: but how did it happen?
HOOT HOOT: like, how did things start?
HOOT HOOT: if u dont mind my asking
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I dont mind
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I talked to him after practice one day, during our second year
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I had made incorrect assumptions of what his expectations were for a potential relationship between us
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: He corrected them
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: And once we realized that we wanted similar things from each other, things fell into place fairly easily
HOOT HOOT: so its mostly about communication
HOOT HOOT: making sure u both know what the other person wants?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You could put it that way
ur favorite lolcat: ur a brave man ushijima wakatoshi
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Thank you
HOOT HOOT: hold on a bit guys ive gotta talk to akaashi
ur favorite lolcat: GODSPEED BRO
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Good luck.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Tell him you value your friendship above all else. 

8:36 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: :)
ur favorite lolcat: THERE IT IS
HOOT HOOT: :D
perfectkawa ✌: oh great you too now 

8:38 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: bro chill out in the group chat
ur favorite lolcat: hes happy
perfectkawa ✌: >.<
perfectkawa ✌: fine 

8:40 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: congratulations
HOOT HOOT: thanks bro! :D
HOOT HOOT: this is rly nice
HOOT HOOT: i had to explain it a bit but he said its not like id ever be able to function without him anyway
HOOT HOOT: OR VICE VERSA
HOOT HOOT: !!!!!!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: :D
ur favorite lolcat: whoa
HOOT HOOT: I KNOW
HOOT HOOT: we talked for a really long time
HOOT HOOT: he cares a lot about me bro did u know that???
ur favorite lolcat: bro literally everyone but you knew that
HOOT HOOT: IT WAS NICE TO HEAR OK 

8:52 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: I DIDNT WANNA SAY THIS IN THE GROUP CHAT BUT HE ALSO KISSED ME
ur favorite lolcat: NICE
ur favorite lolcat: ...nice?
HOOT HOOT: IT WAS SUPER NICE
HOOT HOOT: turns out kissing is pretty great :D
ur favorite lolcat: whoa was it your first kiss?
HOOT HOOT: i always thought i shouldn’t kiss people
HOOT HOOT: bc it would give them the wrong idea
HOOT HOOT: BUT ITS NOT WRONG ANYMORE
HOOT HOOT: so we kissed on his bed for like an hour
ur favorite lolcat: wow
ur favorite lolcat: ur pretty gay dude
HOOT HOOT: BUT WE SAID NO HOMO
ur favorite lolcat: oh thats ok then
HOOT HOOT: even besides the kissing though
HOOT HOOT: this is so nice
HOOT HOOT: like i always assumed i’d end up alone
HOOT HOOT: cause friends graduate and get married and move on yknow
HOOT HOOT: and maybe akaashi and i wont be together til we die
HOOT HOOT: but i love him! and i want to be around the people i love forever and its really nice feeling like thats a possibility
HOOT HOOT: im really frickin’ happy bro
ur favorite lolcat: im glad for you
ur favorite lolcat: <3
HOOT HOOT: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 

January 30, 2016
12:26 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: NOBODY S ONLINE
perfectkawa ✌: ANYWHERE
perfectkawa ✌: PAY      ATTENTION TO ME GDI
ur favorite lolcat: lonely on a saturday night, hmm?
perfectkawa ✌: PISS OFF KUROO
perfectkawa ✌: all you guys and your
perfectkawa ✌: RELATIONSHIPS
perfectkawa ✌: makes me so mad
perfectkawa ✌: not like i    NEED to be in a relationship
perfectkawa ✌: i mean     i could be
perfectkawa ✌: i have so many fangirls
perfectkawa ✌: way more than all of you
perfectkawa ✌: WAY MORE
perfectkawa ✌: SO MANY
perfectkawa ✌: b   u  t
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Do you need to talk about something, Oikawa?
perfectkawa ✌: NOT TO YOU
perfectkawa ✌: im ju;st thinkingsd
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oikawa, are you drunk?
perfectkawa ✌: NO
perfectkawa ✌: a bottle of wine doesnt make you drink
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: A whole bottle?
perfectkawa ✌: like …………… almost
perfectkawa ✌: not enough
perfectkawa ✌: brb i think there was another bottle in the closet
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oikawa.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Please take care of yourself.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: We are concerned about your health.
perfectkawa ✌: FUCK OFF 

12:39 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: immmm fine
perfectkawa ✌: and i haaaaaaave wine
perfectkawa ✌: hey that rhymes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
perfectkawa ✌: BUT
perfectkawa ✌: ANYWAY
perfectkawa ✌: ALL YOU LOSERS AND YOUR LOSER RELATIONSHIPS
perfectkawa ✌: I JUST NEED YOU TO KNOW
perfectkawa ✌: THAT YOURE ALL GONNA BE FUKCNG DUMPED SOMEA DAY
perfectkawa ✌: YO RRR ALL GONNA B SAD
perfectkawa ✌: EVERYYTHING ENDS
HOOT HOOT: woah
HOOT HOOT: oikawa u need to chill
perfectkawa ✌: I AM CHILL
perfectkawa ✌: IM JUST   THINKNBG
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: About what?
perfectkawa ✌: its like
perfectkawa ✌: mulder and scully
HOOT HOOT: what?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Is this another one of your alien things?
perfectkawa ✌: NO
perfectkawa ✌: WELL I MEA N  KINDOF
perfectkawa ✌: its
perfectkawa ✌: the xxfilies
HOOT HOOT: the x files?
HOOT HOOT: i think akaashi showed me an episode of that once
HOOT HOOT: its about like
HOOT HOOT: aliens and shit
HOOT HOOT: right?
perfectkawa ✌: NO
perfectkawa ✌: th xffiles
perfectkawa ✌: is the grreatest lovestory of alllllll
perfectkawa ✌: time
perfectkawa ✌: just imagine ok immmagine
perfectkawa ✌: fox mulder
perfectkawa ✌: tw elve yyears old
perfectkawa ✌: loses his sisterrr to ALIENS
perfectkawa ✌: p robably
perfectkawa ✌: starts believing in consprraac sies and  ASLIENS
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: So is this the love story of a boy and some aliens?
perfectkawa ✌: NO
perfectkawa ✌: its
perfectkawa ✌: itssss
perfectkawa ✌: ok so years later
perfectkawa ✌: mulder is workingg in the gov ernment
perfectkawa ✌: everybo dy  haaates him
perfectkawa ✌: which they HSHOULDNTT
perfectkawa ✌: HE S  A A GOOOD PESON
perfectkawa ✌: WHO BELIEVVVES
perfectkawa ✌: AND IN COMES SCULLY
perfectkawa ✌: DAAAAANA SCCC ULLYY YY
perfectkawa ✌: ITS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
perfectkawa ✌: THEY STA R T ARGUNGGI
perfectkawa ✌: BC SCULLY IS A SSCKEPTIC DOESNNT BELIEVE IN ALIENS BUT
perfectkawa ✌: BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
perfectkawa ✌: SH E TAKESMULDER ERIOUSLYYY
perfectkawa ✌: LISTTENS TO HIM
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Okay, I’m going to bed.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Can anyone else keep an eye on … this?
perfectkawa ✌: SHH E R EASPECTS HIMM
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Im on it
perfectkawa ✌: get out ushi waka
perfectkawa ✌: im talkingg bout th xifiils
perfectkawa ✌: ab ut
perfectkawa ✌: MULDER RR AND SCCULLLLLLLYYYYYYU
perfectkawa ✌: HW MCUFH THEYY LOVE EACH OTHERR
perfectkawa ✌: SCULLL Y SH SHE
perfectkawa ✌: SHE ARG UES WITH HFM EVERRYT; EPISODD;SE
perfectkawa ✌: AND DDDOES SHE WANT TYO KILL HIMS SOMTIMES
perfectkawa ✌: OF FCOUSE
perfectkawa ✌: BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!!!!!!!!!!
perfectkawa ✌: SHE SS TAYS WITH HIM
perfectkawa ✌: SHE HAS HIS BACK
perfectkawa ✌: AND HE!!!!!  WOULD GO TO !!!!! THE ENDDDDDDDDDDDDS OF THE EARTH FORR HER
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Are you sure youre still talking about Mulder and Scully
perfectkawa ✌: ASDND
perfectkawa ✌: ASFFFF ND
perfectkawa ✌: THEYVVE BB EN THRROUGHG SO MUCCSCH SHITTTT
perfectkawa ✌: SSSSSSSSSS O MUCCCCCCH
perfectkawa ✌: ONSCE SSCULLY W ASF PREEGNANAT ANDDDED THR OUGHT MULDERR WASSD EAD FORRR THR REEE WHOLLEMON THS
perfectkawa ✌: BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
perfectkawa ✌: THEY
perfectkawa ✌: HAVE
perfectkawa ✌: EAASFCHOTHHER
perfectkawa ✌: EACH OTHER
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: This definitely isnt about Mulder and Scully anymore
perfectkawa ✌: I JUSST WAANTT THEMMEM
perfectkawa ✌: TO GG ETT MARRIEDD ANDWFD BE HAPPPPY
perfectkawa ✌: BUTT THATTTLLL FPROBABLY NEFVER HAPPEN BCCCCCCCCCEASCUE CHRRIS CHARRRRRRTER ISSSS BA DICK
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Oikawa go to bed
perfectkawa ✌: USHISDJIWAKAA URR AL;SO A DDDCCICK

perfectkawa ✌ has renamed this conversation to “USSSHWAKA S  A DICCKCJIK”

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Go to bed
perfectkawa✌: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKJ;;;;JJRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
perfectkawa ✌: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
perfectkawa ✌: IMMMMMMMMMM GOINNG TO WWAATCH THE XXF LES
perfectkawa ✌: AND YOUUUUUU CAN T COMMMMMMME
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Okay 

1:24 A.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI has renamed this conversation to “Volleyball”

10:17 A.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oikawa, you have a problem.

10:36 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: are u talking about my raging hangover
perfectkawa ✌: bc in that case yes
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: In that case, you have two problems.
perfectkawa ✌: wait whats the other one????
ur favorite lolcat: read over the text from last night man
ur favorite lolcat: uve got it bad
perfectkawa ✌: what?
perfectkawa ✌: oh
perfectkawa ✌: shit
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: See what we’re talking about?
perfectkawa ✌: well
perfectkawa ✌: the x files is a great romance story i stand by that
ur favorite lolcat: were u really talking about the x files though
ur favorite lolcat: or should i call it the “xxfilies”
perfectkawa ✌: shut up
perfectkawa ✌: and i was
perfectkawa ✌: obviously
perfectkawa ✌: what else would i have been talking about?
ur favorite lolcat: >perfectkawa, 1:15 A.M.
                             “AND DDDOES SHE WANT TYO KILL HIMS SOMTIMES
                             OF FCOUSE”
perfectkawa ✌: don’t know what you’re talking about
ur favorite lolcat: >perfectkawa, 1:17 A.M.
                             “BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!!!!!!!!!!
                             SHE SS TAYS WITH HIM
                             SHE HAS HIS BACK”
perfectkawa ✌: what are you implying, kuroo-chan?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Maybe a certain spiker.
perfectkawa ✌: what???!!!
perfectkawa ✌: no way
ur favorite lolcat: sounds like iwaizumi to me
perfectkawa ✌: just because u losers are in relationships u think u can lecture me???
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I think you should talk to Iwaizumi.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Tell him how you feel.
perfectkawa ✌: shut up
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I agree
perfectkawa ✌: you especially shut up 

10:23 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: anyway even if i DID feel that way
perfectkawa ✌: WHICH I DONT!!!!!!!!!!
perfectkawa ✌: i cant ask out iwachan
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: And why not?
perfectkawa ✌: hes straight
ur favorite lolcat: oh no way
HOOT HOOT: TALK TO HIM! TALK TO HIM! TALK TO HIM!
perfectkawa ✌: hghhfdkgjdsljkjkld
HOOT HOOT: U DESERVE TO BE HAPPY BRO
perfectkawa ✌: NO
perfectkawa ✌: I CANT 

10:26 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: do you really think he’s not straight?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I’ve seen the way he acts around you.
perfectkawa ✌: hhhhhhhhhhh 

10:35 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: how do you ask someone if they’re not straight

10:42 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: he seems straight
perfectkawa ✌: he’s definitely liked girls before 

10:47 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: but i flirt with girls all the time and im not straight!
perfectkawa ✌: do you think he’s bi 

10:50 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: he would’ve told me if he wasn’t straight!
perfectkawa ✌: right?

 

January 30, 2016
11:02 A.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Iwaizumi.
Iwaizumi Hajime: Sawamura.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Please ask out Oikawa.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: He’s getting ridiculous and I’m not sure our group chat can take it.
Iwaizumi Hajime:
Iwaizumi Hajime: On it.

Chapter Text

January 31, 2016
8:39 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: HEYYYYYYYYY
perfectkawa ✌: ☆*✲゚*。(((´♡‿♡`+)))。*゚✲*☆
ur favorite lolcat: that is … the most ridiculous emoji ive ever seen
perfectkawa ✌: ASK ME WHAT HAPPENED
ur favorite lolcat: y
perfectkawa ✌: ASK ME
HOOT HOOT: WHAT HAPPENED
perfectkawa ✌: IWACHAN ASKED ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
perfectkawa ✌: ☆*:.。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oh, good.
perfectkawa ✌: YOU DONT SOUND VERY EXCITED
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Well.
ur favorite lolcat: ohoho
HOOT HOOT: OHOHOHOHO
perfectkawa ✌: SAWAMURA WHAT DO U KNOW
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I may have told him to.
HOOT HOOT: OH MY GOD
ur favorite lolcat: truly a hero for our time
perfectkawa ✌: WAIT DOES HE
perfectkawa ✌: DOES HE KNOW ABOUT
ur favorite lolcat: did u tell him about the xfiles ranting
ur favorite lolcat: please tell me u told him about the xfiles ranting
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I said nothing of the sort!
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: … I implied.
perfectkawa ✌: ⊂(⊙д⊙)つ
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Hey, it got the desired result, didn’t it?
perfectkawa ✌: I MEAN
perfectkawa ✌: YES
perfectkawa ✌: BUT
perfectkawa ✌: AT WHAT COST
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Excuse me, I think I may be missing something here
HOOT HOOT: whats up ushiwaka
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Who is Iwachan?
perfectkawa ✌: IWAIZUMI HAJIME
perfectkawa ✌: SEIJOHS ACE
perfectkawa ✌: AND NOW
perfectkawa ✌: MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
perfectkawa ✌: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Ah
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Isn’t he too nice for you?
perfectkawa ✌: WHAT
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: When our teams played against each other
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: He seemed like a decent person
perfectkawa ✌: ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT IM NOT A DECENT PERSON
ur favorite lolcat: yeah i think he is
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I just fail to understand why he would want to be romantically involved with you
HOOT HOOT: woah ushiwaka 0 chill
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Actually, I can answer that.
perfectkawa ✌: WHAT
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: >Iwaizumi Hajime, 8:14 P.M.
                                 “If I’m dating him, I can get back at him much more easily.”
                                 >Mr. Sugawara Daichi, 8:15 P.M.
                                 “For what?”
                                 >Iwaizumi Hajime, 8:15 P.M.
                                 “Everything.”
ur favorite lolcat: oh man
HOOT HOOT: OHHHHHH
HOOT HOOT: NICE KILL IWACHAN
perfectkawa ✌: i
perfectkawa ✌: i have to go
ur favorite lolcat: tell iwaizumi i love him
perfectkawa ✌: FUCK YOU
HOOT HOOT: TELL HIM I LOVE HIM TOO
perfectkawa ✌: FUCK YOU TOO
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Tell him I admire his spiking form
perfectkawa ✌: FUCK YOU ESPECIALLY

ur favorite lolcat renamed this conversation to “rip in pieces oikawa tooru”

12:13 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: ushiwaka
perfectkawa ✌: iwachan says he admires your spiking form too
perfectkawa ✌: now if youll excuse me
perfectkawa ✌: im going to marathon 5 seasons of the x files

 

February 6, 2016
10:48 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Guys have I ever told youuu
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: about
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: sugawrra    koushi
perfectkawa ✌: what the fuck
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: he’s just so
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: so
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: beauutful
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Sawamura, are you okay?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: i’m   great
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: sugas here
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: i love suga
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: hes like ……….. hes
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: so nice and kkkkiii
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: kind
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: annnnddd  his smi;e
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I am concerned
HOOT HOOT: dont be ushiwaka
HOOT HOOT: i think he’s just a little drink
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: i ammmmm not
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: i hadd   two beers
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: maaayyyyb th ree
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: m responsible
HOOT HOOT: holy shit sawamura’s a lightweight
perfectkawa ✌: i am screenshotting literally all of this
HOOT HOOT: SHIT wheres kuroo when u need him
HOOT HOOT: KUROO
HOOT HOOT: BRO
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: wheres suga
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: i love suga
HOOT HOOT: ok im texting him hold on
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: suga?????
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: you cant text suga
ur favorite lolcat: bro what is it
ur favorite lolcat: ill have u know i had to stop cuddling with kenma (setter) for a whole thirty seconds for this
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: suga hasssssd
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: su  ch   nivcs  eyes
ur favorite lolcat: holy shit
HOOT HOOT: WHATD I TELL U
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: i just wanted
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: to   tell you all
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: howwww musch
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: i l;oave suga
ur favorite lolcat: you loave suga?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: yyyyy
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: es
HOOT HOOT: WHY DONT YOU TELL SUGA HOW MUCH U LOAVE HIM
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: iiiiii cant
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I thought you and he were dating now?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: hes in the      bathrrrromm
perfectkawa ✌: ok then
perfectkawa ✌: tell us how much u loave suga
perfectkawa ✌: do u loave his perfect buns
ur favorite lolcat: wow oikawa im ROLLing on the floor laughing at that pun
perfectkawa ✌: its just a SLICE of what ive got in store
ur favorite lolcat: at YEAST share some of them with us
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: wait!!!!!
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: hes back!!!!!!!!!!!
ur favorite lolcat: oh no
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA DONT LEAVE US
HOOT HOOT: U LOAVE US
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: by
perfectkawa ✌: GO GET SOME SAWAMURA
ur favorite lolcat: goddamn it
perfectkawa ✌: kuroo do u loave drunk sawamura or do u LOAVE drunk sawamura
HOOT HOOT: LOAVE

HOOT HOOT changed the title to DAICHI LOAVES SUGA

ur favorite lolcat: perfect
perfectkawa ✌: this has truly been a great day (❁´▽`❁)*✲゚*

 

February 7, 2016
9:18 A.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: What the fuck.
ur favorite lolcat: so hows the hangover
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Oh, is that what this is? I thought I was still drunk.
ur favorite lolcat: jeez
ur favorite lolcat: drink better alcohol
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Help, please.
ur favorite lolcat: greasy food, water, aspirin, avoid sunlight
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Thank you.
perfectkawa ✌: how’s suga?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: He’s okay. He didn’t get a hangover.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: We fell asleep together on his couch, and he’s making breakfast now.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: He likes to sing when he cooks.
perfectkawa ✌: aww
perfectkawa ✌: you guys are cute o(〃^▽^〃)o
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: ...Thanks?
perfectkawa ✌: what
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: That’s just unexpected, coming from you…
perfectkawa ✌: i don’t know why you would say that (⊙︿⊙✿)
ur favorite lolcat: ah, the green-eyed monster has been tamed
perfectkawa ✌: would you stop quoting things i don’t recognize
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: What does that mean?
ur favorite lolcat: nothing, nothing

 

February 8, 2016
8:13 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: hey kuroo
ur favorite lolcat: yo
perfectkawa ✌: ive got a question about ur s.o.
ur favorite lolcat:
ur favorite lolcat: should i be suspicious?
perfectkawa ✌: nah it’s about volleyball
perfectkawa ✌: when he sets during matches, how does he signal who he’s going to set to?  i was watching the videos of some games from nationals and i can’t figure out what he’s doing - signals or facial expressions or anything. it’s really bothering me
ur favorite lolcat: ok 3 things
ur favorite lolcat: 1. where did you get video of our games during nationals?  i dont even have video of our games during nationals
ur favorite lolcat: 2. they, not he. use they when referring to kenma
ur favorite lolcat: 3. why dont you ask them?  i thought you had their skype
perfectkawa ✌: yeah, but they won’t tell me!!! .( ̵˃﹏˂̵ )
perfectkawa ✌: they just said “i figure it out, then i toss”
perfectkawa ✌: not very helpful at all
ur favorite lolcat: and u thought id tell u their secrets?
perfectkawa ✌: well
ur favorite lolcat: lol no way
perfectkawa ✌: but kurochaaaaaaaan!!!!!
perfectkawa ✌: i thought we were frieeeeeends!!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Wait.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: They?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I didn’t know you could do that.
ur favorite lolcat: yeah well kenma’s genderfluid so
ur favorite lolcat: did i not tell you guys that?
ur favorite lolcat: i know bokuto knows bc he sees them all the time
perfectkawa ✌: i thought it was pretty evident from the kenma in a skirt … whatever that was
ur favorite lolcat: yeah
ur favorite lolcat: yeah
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Kuroo?
ur favorite lolcat: sorry, was just thinking about kenma in a skirt
ur favorite lolcat: but yeah, genderfluid
ur favorite lolcat: i mean, theyre still figuring it out?  but for now, theyve told me that genderfluid is the term they feel fits best, and they asked me to use they/them pronouns
ur favorite lolcat: so if you guys could do the same thing thatd be cool
HOOT HOOT: HEY BRO WHATS COOL
HOOT HOOT: OH KENMAS PRONOUNS
HOOT HOOT: KENMAS PRONOUNS ARE VERY COOL
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I didn’t realize that was … grammatically correct?
ur favorite lolcat: its in the dictionary
ur favorite lolcat: well, not our dictionary
ur favorite lolcat: but in english dictionaries and stuff
ur favorite lolcat: people like kenma arent girls or boys, theyre outside of that whole binary. so they dont use girl or boy pronouns. they use whatever fits them best. and sometimes they change it around depending on how theyre feeling?
ur favorite lolcat: idk kenma explains it better than i do
HOOT HOOT: nobody ever really understands kenmas explanations besides u bro
ur favorite lolcat: chibi-chan
HOOT HOOT: TRUE
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: So, Kenma’s not he , but they ?
ur favorite lolcat: yeah
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Alright, I’ll try to do that.
ur favorite lolcat: ty bro

8:46 P.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: This is interesting
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: What is?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Kenma being genderfluid.  They pronouns.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I hadn’t known that was
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: An okay thing to do
ur favorite lolcat: do you want me to try to explain it more?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: No

8:52 P.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Maybe
ur favorite lolcat: i can give you kenma’s skype if you want to talk to them

8:54 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: ?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Thank you
ur favorite lolcat: no problem dude

 

February 11, 2016
3:35 P.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Guys, I just found the funniest joke.
perfectkawa ✌: really
ur favorite lolcat: do share it with the class
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Okay. A bowl of ramen walks into a bar and orders sake.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
perfectkawa ✌: wow
ur favorite lolcat: oh my god
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Hilarious, right?
ur favorite lolcat: ur use of correct punctuation is hilarious
ur favorite lolcat: the joke? decidedly less hilarious
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Wait, I’ve got another one.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Two peanuts were walking down the street.  One was a salted.
ur favorite lolcat: i have no words
perfectkawa ✌: sawamura where tf are u finding these
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: The internet?
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I thought I’d finally go see what all the fuss with internet jokes was about.
HOOT HOOT: so u arent just getting them from your dad?
ur favorite lolcat: BRO
ur favorite lolcat: UR HERE
ur favorite lolcat: pls save me from this dad joke hell
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I have another one: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?  It was two tired.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Wait, dad joke hell?
perfectkawa ✌: sawamura im not sure i can be friends with you anymore
HOOT HOOT: oh come on oikawa dont be mean
HOOT HOOT: just because he has the sense of humor of a 70 year old man
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I don’t have the sense of humor of a 70 year old man!
ur favorite lolcat: sure
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I for one think those jokes are hilarious.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Wait, one more.  Just for you, Kuroo.
ur favorite lolcat: im terrified
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Ask me if I can put the cat out.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You dont have a cat
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Just ask me.
HOOT HOOT: sawamura can you put the cat out
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I didn’t know it was on fire!
perfectkawa ✌: ohhhhh my god
ur favorite lolcat: ok that settles it

Mr. Sugawara Daichi’s nickname is now Dad Joke Daichi.

Dad Joke Daichi: What have I ever done to deserve this?
Dad Joke Daichi: Couldn’t I just be happy for a few weeks?
perfectkawa ✌: no
Dad Joke Daichi: I will kick out all of you.
ur favorite lolcat: u realize that’s an empty threat at this point right?
ur favorite lolcat: u love us
HOOT HOOT: U LOVE US
perfectkawa ✌: LOOOOVE US

Dad Joke Daichi removed perfectkawa ✌ from this conversation.

Dad Joke Daichi removed ur favorite lolcat from this conversation.

Dad Joke Daichi removed HOOT HOOT from this conversation.

Dad Joke Daichi: I guess it’s just you and me now, Ushiwaka.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Okay
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I suppose its good that I’m the only one who appreciates your jokes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I actually have a joke of my own
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: What did the grass seed say to the ballfield?
Dad Joke Daichi: I don’t know, what did the grass seed say?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I’m rooting for you.
Dad Joke Daichi: Ohhh!
Dad Joke Daichi: That’s excellent.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Thanks
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: But I think we should add the others back
USHIIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Oikawa will be upset
Dad Joke Daichi: He usually is.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: We should prevent him from being more upset
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I dont hate him you know
Dad Joke Daichi: That’s very mature of you.

Dad Joke Daichi added perfectkawa ✌.

Dad Joke Daichi added ur favorite lolcat.

Dad Joke Daichi added HOOT HOOT.

perfectkawa ✌: you suck
Dad Joke Daichi: Me or Ushijima?
perfectkawa ✌: BOTH
HOOT HOOT: ITS OK OIKAWA HE ADDED US BACK
HOOT HOOT: BC HE LOAVES US
Dad Joke Daichi: Arghhhhhh.

 

February 14, 2016
6:02 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY LOSERS
perfectkawa ✌: HAVE FUN CELEBRATING YOUR PATHETIC RELATIONSHIPS
perfectkawa ✌: NONE OF WHICH CAN EVER HOPE TO BE AS GOOD AS MY INCREDIBLE RELATIONSHIP

6:31 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: GUESS WHAT I GOT IWACHAN
perfectkawa ✌: GUESS

6:47 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: ALRIGHT SINCE CLEARLY NONE OF YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO GUESS I’LL TELL YOU
perfectkawa ✌: I GOT HIM A STUFFED ANIMAL GODZILLA LIKE THIS ONE HE HAD WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER THAT I ACCIDENTALLY PUT IN THE WASHING MACHINE ONE TIME
perfectkawa ✌: AND SOME OF THIS CANDY HE LIKES THAT GOT DISCONTINUED
perfectkawa ✌: AND SOMETHING ELSE
perfectkawa ✌: WHICH I DONT NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT

7:03 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: well now im curious
perfectkawa ✌: curious or jealous?
perfectkawa ✌: because im a better boyfriend than you?
ur favorite lolcat: ok listen ive been planning what i’m doing with kenma for weeks and its perfect
perfectkawa ✌: is it really
ur favorite lolcat: it is really
perfectkawa ✌: what is it
ur favorite lolcat: video game marathon
ur favorite lolcat: im gonna let them beat me every time
ur favorite lolcat: and i got all their favorite snacks
perfectkawa ✌: dont they only ever play video games anyway
ur favorite lolcat: ok but its with ME
perfectkawa ✌: you two are literally always together
perfectkawa ✌: and do you ever beat them at video games in the first place
ur favorite lolcat: cant hear the haters
ur favorite lolcat: theyre gonna love it

8:48 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: they forgot it was valentine’s day
perfectkawa ✌: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

6:10 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: IWA-CHAN GOT ME A PRESENT TOO
HOOT HOOT: RLY
HOOT HOOT: WHAT WAS IT
perfectkawa ✌: he didn't punch me ALL DAY
perfectkawa ✌: (*^▽^)
ur favorite lolcat: some of us get that every day
perfectkawa ✌: PISS OFF KUROO
perfectkawa ✌: he also got me a ring
ur favorite lolcat: wHAT
HOOT HOOT: WOAH
Dad Joke Daichi: You’re getting married?!
Dad Joke Daichi: Oikawa, you’re too young for that.
perfectkawa ✌: NO
perfectkawa ✌: its a promise ring
ur favorite lolcat: tf is a promise ring
perfectkawa ✌: its what it sounds like you overgrown hairball
perfectkawa ✌: its a promise
perfectkawa ✌: to show your commitment
Dad Joke Daichi: Wow.
Dad Joke Daichi: I wouldn't have pegged Iwaizumi for a romantic.
perfectkawa ✌: ME NEITHER
perfectkawa ✌: i think its cause the school year is almost over
perfectkawa ✌: hes getting sentimental
ur favorite lolcat: lmfao @how we all got into relationships almost immediately before graduating
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I didnt
ur favorite lolcat: alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright
perfectkawa ✌: whatre YOU doing with YOUR partner today ushiwaka-chan
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: After practice, I’m going to make dinner, and then we’re going to watch some of this anime he likes
perfectkawa ✌: … dammit thats not bad
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: What do you mean?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Its what we do every day
perfectkawa ✌: ARGHHHHHHHH
ur favorite lolcat: ur cute ushiwaka
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Thank you
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: The anime is pretty interesting
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Its called Naruto
HOOT HOOT: OH WOW
ur favorite lolcat: lmfaooooooo
Dad Joke Daichi: Is something wrong with Naruto?
ur favorite lolcat: oh where to start
HOOT HOOT: hey no hate :/
HOOT HOOT: in my opinion sasuke is a really beautiful guy with luscious hair
ur favorite lolcat: bokuto you have to stop defending fictional boys just because theyre pretty
HOOT HOOT: ok hes really cool
HOOT HOOT: REALLY COOL
HOOT HOOT: SAKURA
HOOT HOOT: THE BEAUTIFUL
Dad Joke Daichi: … What is going on?
HOOT HOOT: NINJA CLAN NINJA CLAN HERE WE STAND
ur favorite lolcat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8xoTBZrzko
HOOT HOOT: BELIEEEEEEEVE IT
ur favorite lolcat: bro i love u but im probably going to have this stuck in my head for the next week now
HOOT HOOT: IS THAT A BAD THING
perfectkawa ✌: OKAY MEANWHILE
ur favorite lolcat: i agree with oikawa
perfectkawa ✌: im assuming sawamura is doing something grossly cute with his bf?
Dad Joke Daichi: Hey!
Dad Joke Daichi: ...You’re right, though.
Dad Joke Daichi: My parents went to Kyoto for the weekend, and my sister made herself scarce, so Suga stayed over last night.
ur favorite lolcat: get some
Dad Joke Daichi: Oh, cut it out. We’re only eighteen, you know.
perfectkawa ✌: sawamura you cant see it but im rolling my eyes
Dad Joke Daichi: Alright.
Dad Joke Daichi: Well, we did share my bed, and we kissed a lot.
Dad Joke Daichi: So I guess it was a little bit racy.
Dad Joke Daichi: Nowhere below the neck, though!
ur favorite lolcat: oh ok i was worried it was getting lewd
Dad Joke Daichi: No, no! Of course not!
Dad Joke Daichi: Anyway, before that we went for a walk up to the overlook where I asked him out, and we watched the sunset, and then we looked at the stars.
Dad Joke Daichi: And then this morning we stayed in our pajamas and made breakfast and danced a bit, and we gave each other chocolates.
perfectkawa ✌: ok that is really sweet
Dad Joke Daichi: Oh! And I wrote a poem for him.
perfectkawa ✌: SHOW???
ur favorite lolcat: please share sawamura
Dad Joke Daichi: ...Alright, if you insist.
Dad Joke Daichi: Suga, your smile is
                           Not the sun - not so bright
                           So blinding, even if it does hurt
                           To look at sometimes - it is
                           The rooftops of the city in
                           The morning, it is
                           The rippling waves of the ocean,
                           It is the light rising back up
                           To meet the sun.
                           And the sun - the sun is
                           Your heart.
                           Could it be anything else?
                           Is there any other star
                           In the galaxy, the universe
                           That shines so brightly,
                           Sings so sweetly,
                           Brings the earth so much grace and
                           Beauty and life?
                           I look at you, and I think,
                           No, there isn’t.
Dad Joke Daichi: What do you think?
ur favorite lolcat: that was
ur favorite lolcat: certainly
ur favorite lolcat: something
perfectkawa ✌: words truly fail me
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I like it
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA THATS ADORABLE
perfectkawa ✌: oh thank god a diversion
perfectkawa ✌: BOKUTO HOW WAS YOUR VALENTINE’S DAY
HOOT HOOT: IT WAS RAD
HOOT HOOT: YUKIE GOT ME CHOCOLATES
perfectkawa ✌: (yukie?)
HOOT HOOT: (OUR MANAGER)
HOOT HOOT: THEN SHE ATE HALF OF THEM
HOOT HOOT: BUT IT WAS A NICE THOUGHT
perfectkawa ✌: so you and akaashi aren’t doing anything?
HOOT HOOT: uhhhh he asked if i want to get mcdonald’s later???
perfectkawa ✌: thats not very romantic bokuto
HOOT HOOT: im not in a romantic relationship bro
perfectkawa ✌: oh
perfectkawa ✌: okay

6:41 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: sorry
HOOT HOOT: its all good :D

 

February 21, 2016
8:38 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: DOG ALERT

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

HOOT HOOT: WHAT A GOOD DOG
Dad Joke Daichi: !!
Dad Joke Daichi: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad Joke Daichi: OH MY GOD
HOOT HOOT: >Dad Joke Daichi, 1:26 p.m.
                       “OH MY GOD”
excited sawamura preserved for posterity
Dad Joke Daichi: IT’S A REALLY GOOD DOG, OKAY.
ur favorite lolcat: its name is toby
Dad Joke Daichi: A GOOD NAME FOR A GOOD DOG.
perfectkawa ✌: whoa
perfectkawa ✌: ohhhhhhh it is so small
Dad Joke Daichi: IT IS PERFECT SIZED.
HOOT HOOT: KUROO YOU BROKE HIM
ur favorite lolcat: WAIT THERES ANOTHER ONE

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

perfectkawa ✌: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HOOT HOOT: PUPPY
ur favorite lolcat: bokuto it’s like fifteen years old and its muzzle is all gray
HOOT HOOT: PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad Joke Daichi: I LOVE IT.
Dad Joke Daichi: ITS PAWS ARE SO SMALL AND PERFECT.
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA ARE YOU A DOG PERSON
Dad Joke Daichi: MAYBE
perfectkawa ✌: sawamura i think this is the most excited i’ve ever seen you
Dad Joke Daichi: I HAVE A GOOD REASON
perfectkawa ✌: ...its just a dog
Dad Joke Daichi: BUT IT’S SUCH A GOOD DOG
HOOT HOOT: THE MAN HAS A POINT
Dad Joke Daichi: Look how talented it is!
perfectkawa ✌: talented?
Dad Joke Daichi: It only has one job in the world, and that is being a dog.
Dad Joke Daichi: It is so good at being a dog.
HOOT HOOT: I AGREE
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I agree also
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Those are some very good dogs
Dad Joke Daichi: :D
ur favorite lolcat: sawamura pls go back to normal this is unnerving
perfectkawa ✌: ^^^^^^
 

February 27, 2016
6:48 P.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Hello everyone
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I have a question
HOOT HOOT: ushiwaka!!!!!
HOOT HOOT: whats up bro?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: As you know, the end of the school year is approaching
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: And I would like to do something for my team
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Something celebratory
HOOT HOOT: … so basically u want to throw a party
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: A party
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: How does one throw a party
perfectkawa ✌: dude ur the captain
perfectkawa ✌: throwing parties is like half of ur job
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: It is?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Ive never done it before
perfectkawa ✌: … suddenly i feel really bad for shiratorizawa
HOOT HOOT: dude havent they beaten ur team like five tournaments in a row
perfectkawa ✌: oh yeah
perfectkawa ✌: dont throw a party
perfectkawa ✌: nobody on ur team deserves a party
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: But they work very hard
perfectkawa ✌: my team works hard!  and we deserve to go to nationals!  but that never happened DID IT
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: As Ive said before
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You should have come to Shiratorizawa
perfectkawa ✌: i   m
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Oikawa, I’m only telling the truth 

7:02 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: fine
perfectkawa ✌: throw your teammates a party
perfectkawa ✌: see if i care 

7:18 P.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I still have no idea how to throw a party
HOOT HOOT: get booze, snacks, music, and a space without too many easily breakable objects
HOOT HOOT: thats rlly it
Dad Joke Daichi: Be responsible.
ur favorite lolcat: maybe get tendou to help u out
ur favorite lolcat: he seems like a party man
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes.  Ill ask Satori for help
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Thank you
HOOT HOOT: np bro! have fun

 

March 1, 2016
3:21 P.M.

Dad Joke Daichi: HEY GUYS GUESS WHO
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Is it Daichi
Dad Joke Daichi: NOOOOOPE
HOOT HOOT: HINATA????
Dad Joke Daichi: bingo!!!!
HOOT HOOT: :D :D :D :D :D :D
HOOT HOOT: CONGRATS ON GETTING INTO HIS PHONE AGAIN
Dad Joke Daichi: his passwords are really easy hahaha
Dad Joke Daichi: WE HAVE A PUN FOR YOU
HOOT HOOT: I LOVE PUNS
Dad Joke Daichi: OK HERE IT IS!!!!!!
Dad Joke Daichi: if me and kageyama adopted a child
HOOT HOOT: OH MY GOD IM GOING TO BE A GRANDFATHER
Dad Joke Daichi: and we named suga-san the godmother
Dad Joke Daichi: what would we name daichi????
HOOT HOOT: TELL ME
Dad Joke Daichi: the QUADfather
HOOT HOOT: OH
HOOT HOOT: MY GOD
Dad Joke Daichi: :D :D :D
HOOT HOOT: THATS BRILLIANT YOURE THE BEST 

3:41 P.M.

Dad Joke Daichi: Why does this always happen to me?
ur favorite lolcat: whys what always happen to you?
Dad Joke Daichi: First-years hijacking my phone.
Dad Joke Daichi: They’ve never done this to Suga.
perfectkawa ✌: maybe ur an easy target
Dad Joke Daichi: What’s that supposed to mean?!
ur favorite lolcat: oh that reminds me
ur favorite lolcat: yknow what we should bring back
Dad Joke Daichi: What?

ur favorite lolcat changed their icon

Dad Joke Daichi: NO!
HOOT HOOT: OH HELL YES

HOOT HOOT changed their icon

perfectkawa ✌: ah yes

perfectkawa ✌ changed their icon

perfectkawa ✌: the back of a captain
Dad Joke Daichi: NO…
ur favorite lolcat: oh yes
HOOT HOOT: USHIWAKA WHERE ARE YOU
perfectkawa ✌: his icon is still sawamura’s ass
HOOT HOOT: OH EXCELLENT
Dad Joke Daichi: You’re all terrible.
HOOT HOOT: BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD
ur favorite lolcat: BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD
HOOT HOOT: BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD

[cut for length]

 

March 8, 2016
7:25 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: This is incredible.
perfectkawa ✌: Thank you, all of you, for keeping Shittykawa in check when i’m not around.
Dad Joke Daichi: Iwaizumi?
perfectkawa ✌: Yes.
perfectkawa ✌: Hey, Sawamura.
Dad Joke Daichi: How did you get into Oikawa’s phone?
Dad Joke Daichi: Doesn’t he have a password?
perfectkawa ✌: He does.
perfectkawa ✌: It’s 4-2-5-4-6-3.  H-A-J-I-M-E.
Dad Joke Daichi: WHAT.
Dad Joke Daichi: AFTER HE MADE FUN OF ME SO MUCH FOR S-U-G-A.
perfectkawa ✌: Your password is S-U-G-A?  Dude.
Dad Joke Daichi: Well, it isn’t anymore.
Dad Joke Daichi: I can’t believe he’s just as much of a dork as he made fun of me for being.
perfectkawa ✌: Are you really that surprised?
perfectkawa ✌: I’m reading back through this chat and Oikawa hasn’t really been hiding his true (terrible) self that much.
Dad Joke Daichi: That’s true.
Dad Joke Daichi: Have you gotten to the X Files part yet?
perfectkawa ✌: The X Files part? 

7:38 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: Oh.
perfectkawa ✌: This is … something.
Dad Joke Daichi: You see why I told you to ask him out.
perfectkawa ✌: I can’t believe he thought I was straight.
Dad Joke Daichi: Hey, well, you’re dating now, right?
perfectkawa ✌: Hell yeah we are.

perfectkawa ✌ sent a picture

perfectkawa ✌: Wait that’s not a good angle hold on

perfectkawa ✌ sent a picture

perfectkawa ✌: He doesn’t really have good angles at this time of morning.
Dad Joke Daichi: Not really a morning person, is he?
perfectkawa ✌: Nah, he needs five cups of coffee minimum to function.
perfectkawa ✌: Otherwise he just gets all clingy and demanding, and he can’t really think for himself.
perfectkawa ✌: I mean, more so than normally.
perfectkawa ✌: He might be a King, but he’s a pretty baffled one right now.
Dad Joke Daichi: That’s not a very creative comparison.
perfectkawa ✌: Right, because you’re one to talk.
Dad Joke Daichi: Suga’s smile defies figurative language.
Dad Joke Daichi: Actually, this reminds me -

Dad Joke Daichi’s nickname is now Mr. Sugawara Daichi.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I’ve been meaning to change that back.
perfectkawa ✌: You’re such a sap.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: So are you.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Making terrible analogies about your boyfriend.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I thought Iwaizumi’s analogy was pretty good
perfectkawa ✌: THANK YOU.
perfectkawa ✌: Man, I never thought I’d say that to Ushiwaka.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I’m pretty sure you’ve said that to me before.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: After games
perfectkawa ✌: That doesn’t count.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Why not?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I think our teams have played some good games.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I look forward to playing you and Oikawa more in college.
perfectkawa ✌: I look forward to finally beating your dumb ass in college.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I wouldn’t be so sure about that.
perfectkawa ✌: We’ll see, Ushiwaka.  We’ll see.
perfectkawa ✌: Okay actually I have to go, I think he’s waking up.
perfectkawa ✌: Nice talking to you guys. 

8:34 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME
perfectkawa ✌: IWACHAN KEEPS CALLING ME MULDER
perfectkawa ✌: AS THOUGH I LOOK ANYTHING LIKE DAVID DUCHOVNY
perfectkawa ✌: MY HAIR IS WAY BETTER 

9:12 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: wait what happened?
ur favorite lolcat: oh
ur favorite lolcat: OH
HOOT HOOT: WHAT
ur favorite lolcat: READ THE EARLIER CHAT BRO
HOOT HOOT: HOLY SHIT
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURA
HOOT HOOT: WHY DIDNT YOU ASK FOR MORE BLACKMAIL
ur favorite lolcat: no need, he embarrasses himself enough that we have plenty already
ur favorite lolcat: also those pictures are golden
perfectkawa ✌: I HATE ALL OF YOU

 

March 12, 2016
10:21 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: its been a few days since there was activity in this chat
HOOT HOOT: so HELLO EVERYONE
HOOT HOOT: HOWRE U DOING
HOOT HOOT: SEEN ANY GOOD MEMES LATELY
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I personally have not.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: The economy appears to be in something of a meme depression
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: In the past month, we have been seeing fewer and fewer quality new memes and more recycling of old memes, many of which were never very productive to begin with.  All of this is contributing to meme depreciation.  Soon the meme banks will fail and the meme market will collapse.
HOOT HOOT: leading to meme depression?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Exactly
HOOT HOOT: well this is just terrible
HOOT HOOT: USHIWAKA WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
HOOT HOOT: WE NEED TO REVITALIZE THE MEME ECONOMY
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: WE DO.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: BUT HOW?
HOOT HOOT: ARE YOU THINKING WHAT IM THINKING
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: ITS POSSIBLE THAT I AM 

10:41 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: do we stop them
perfectkawa ✌: i
perfectkawa ✌: i don’t even know
perfectkawa ✌: it feels like when you leave your kid nephew in front of reruns of the berenstein bears tv show and come back half an hour later to find him cheerfully eating lard straight out of the container with his bare hands
ur favorite lolcat: i can honestly say i have never had that experience
perfectkawa ✌: you know what i mean >.<
ur favorite lolcat: yeah i get it
ur favorite lolcat: its the last thing youd ever expect anyone to be doing so calmly 

10:46 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: an activity that lasts roughly 20 minutes before turning into sex
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: What is, netflix and chill?
HOOT HOOT: correct! that’s $200 to ushijima
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Okay, your turn
HOOT HOOT: hmmmm
HOOT HOOT: Worst of Anime for $400
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: A coarse way to convince your son to pilot a mecha
HOOT HOOT: what
HOOT HOOT: wtf
HOOT HOOT: i have no idea
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: You have 28 seconds
HOOT HOOT: aw shit
HOOT HOOT: i give up
HOOT HOOT: Okay
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: The answer was, “Shinji get in the fucking robot”
HOOT HOOT: darn
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Only the strongest can win meme jeopardy
HOOT HOOT: ILL GET THE NEXT ONE
HOOT HOOT: what will your next choice be?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I’ll take Prehistoric Memes for $500
HOOT HOOT: sing the entire melody of the hampster dance
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Sure
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Can we video call
HOOT HOOT: absolutely my fine sir

The Great Meme Jeopardy Game of 2016 is now calling…

Call ended, duration 4:28.

HOOT HOOT: A STUNNING PERFORMANCE BY USHIWAKA
HOOT HOOT: $500 TO USHIWAKA

[cut for length]  

11:01 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: i messaged sawamura for help
ur favorite lolcat: hes not responding
ur favorite lolcat: he might be asleep
perfectkawa ✌: he might be hiding
ur favorite lolcat: he might have the right idea on that one
perfectkawa ✌: do u think bokuto realizes what hes doing
ur favorite lolcat: oikawa, here is a life lesson
ur favorite lolcat: bokuto is much, much smarter than he seems
perfectkawa ✌: so. yes
ur favorite lolcat: yeah
ur favorite lolcat: im going to hide from the main chat for a while
perfectkawa ✌: me too
ur favorite lolcat: wanna watch the empire strikes back
perfectkawa ✌:
perfectkawa ✌: https://rabb.it/r/afjdks
perfectkawa ✌: this doesn’t mean i like you
ur favorite lolcat: :3c
ur favorite lolcat: yes it does
perfectkawa ✌: ok maybe a little bit
ur favorite lolcat: youve been talking to me every day for months
perfectkawa ✌: i take it back
ur favorite lolcat: too late that bridge is built
ur favorite lolcat: or something
perfectkawa ✌: youre really awful, you know that?
ur favorite lolcat: i try ;)
perfectkawa ✌: ughhhhhhh

 

March 16, 2016
3:14 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: ok you know what
ur favorite lolcat: i cant look at this conversation being called The Great Meme Jeopardy Game Of 2016 anymore

ur favorite lolcat renamed this conversation to “national hot dad alliance”

ur favorite lolcat: someones gotta restore this to its former glory
ur favorite lolcat: keep our aesthetic alive 

7:39 A.M.

HOOT HOOT: UR DOIN THE LORDS WORK BRO
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I agree
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I like this title
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: It is an appropriate title 

8:02 A.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I suppose it is.
ur favorite lolcat: for you most of all ;)
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: And for you the least, so it balances itself out.
HOOT HOOT: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ur favorite lolcat: i
ur favorite lolcat: did i just get owned
ur favorite lolcat: in my own group chat

8:05 A.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Nice kill
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Thank you.

 

March 17, 2016
1:26 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL HOWS IT FEEL
perfectkawa ✌: it went too fast
perfectkawa ✌: but also not fast enough ( >д<)
HOOT HOOT: today? or all of high school?
perfectkawa ✌: yes
ur favorite lolcat: wait, are we ALL graduating tomorrow?
perfectkawa ✌: i know all the miyagi schools are
ur favorite lolcat: tokyo too
Dad Joke Daichi: Oh, that reminds me, I was thinking about something the other day.
ur favorite lolcat: are there more dad jokes involved?
ur favorite lolcat: bc if so thats not good
Dad Joke Daichi: No.
Dad Joke Daichi: I thought it might be nice to do another video call.
HOOT HOOT: IM DOWN
perfectkawa ✌: tonight?
Dad Joke Daichi: Unless someone’s busy.
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: My teams party is tonight
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I wont be home until around 11
HOOT HOOT: we can wait for you bro! its not like any of us have real school tomorrow
perfectkawa ✌: we dont have to
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Yes we do.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: So, eleven tonight, then?
ur favorite lolcat: im in
perfectkawa ✌: fine
HOOT HOOT: :D 

10:58 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: is everyone here??
perfectkawa ✌: the party’s here (๑’ᗢ’๑)ฅ
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I am here
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Me, too.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Everyone’s here except Bokuto.
perfectkawa ✌: bokutooooo >.<
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Let’s just start the call; he can join when he gets here. 

national hot dad alliance is now calling…

11:06 P.M.

HOOT HOOT: woah sorry i was late everyone
HOOT HOOT: i was doing stuff
HOOT HOOT: and by stuff i mean akaashi
HOOT HOOT: and by doing i mean getting done by but yknow
HOOT HOOT: semantics
ur favorite lolcat: tmi bro tmi
HOOT HOOT: you know you’re the only one i top for ;o
perfectkawa ✌: TMI TMI TMI

 “Hey hey hey!” Bokuto came into focus, waving at the screen so quickly that his arm blurred and successfully interrupting Oikawa and Kuroo’s debate about the narrative value of Boba Fett. Daichi’s camera showed an empty room, and Ushijima hadn’t answered the call yet.

“Hi, Bokuto-kun!’ Oikawa smiled sincerely at Bokuto, and he beamed back. “Your buttons are mismatched.”

“Oh, thanks for telling me!” Bokuto unbuttoned his shirt and rebuttoned it correctly with an unabashed grin. “Kind of got dressed in a hurry.”

“You also have a pretty big hickey on your neck.”

He was unperturbed. “Nothing I can do about that, bro.”

HOOT HOOT: you comin ushiwaka?
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Yes
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: I have to press some buttons first
HOOT HOOT: k
HOOT HOOT: i trust you bro

“Where’s Akaashi?” Kuroo asked.

“Oh, he’s in the other room.” Bokuto gestured somewhere offscreen. “Playing Pokemon. He says he’ll pay attention to me when I’m done talking to you nerds.”

“I’m not a nerd,” Oikawa protested.

“I have direct evidence otherwise,” Kuroo said.

Oikawa’s eyes narrowed. “Prove it.”

A smirk lurched across Kuroo’s face like a slime mold.

ur favorite lolcat sent a file: xxfilies.txt.

Oikawa clicked on the file and scanned through it.  The other captains watched as his facial expression changed from mildly concerned to a mixture of disgust and abject terror, like a small child reading a diatribe proving in ten different ways that Santa isn’t real.

“This is over a thousand words,” he said slowly.

“Yes.”

“Of me talking about Star Wars, Star Trek, and the X Files.”

Kuroo cocked an eyebrow. “I think you mean the xxfilies.”

Oikawa lunged forward, but before he could attempt to rip Kuroo’s head off through his webcam, Daichi strode into his camera’s range and settled down into his desk chair, a bottle of water in his hand.  “Hi, guys.”

Oikawa sat back down, but not without an I’m going to destroy you glare at the place where Kuroo was still smirking at him on his screen.

“Hey, Sawamura!” Bokuto exclaimed.

“Yo,” Kuroo added, as though he was completely innocent.

“Hello,” Ushijma’s chest said.

Wait - Ushijima’s chest?

Ushijima’s screen rectangle was currently displaying the bottom part of a black T-shirt with some kind of slogan about power and energy, and the waistband and belt of a pair of jeans.

“Dude, tilt your camera up,” Bokuto said.  “None of us can see your face.”

“My camera is up.”

“Then …”  Kuroo tilted his head and examined his screen.  “Sit down?”

“Oh.  I suppose I could sit down.”  There was a thump, and then Ushijima’s face filled his screen.  “Is this better?”

“Back up a little, you’re too close - okay, good. I like your mug.”

“Thanks.” Ushijima took a sip from his Shiratorizawa-purple mug.

“How was your team party?” asked Bokuto. “Wild and raunchy?”

Ushijima considered the question thoroughly. “It was good. I think. Goshiki was loud. So was Satori.”

“Were they super surprised?”

Ushijima shook his head. “Satori is not very good at keeping secrets. They seemed to enjoy themselves, though.”

“Can’t have been worse than anything Oikawa’s thrown,” Kuroo drawled.

Oikawa gasped like a southern belle who had just been told her dress was unbecoming.  “I’ll have you know my parties were fantastic.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure, with Spin the Bottle and Truth or Dare like you’re still at Kitagawa Daiichi?”

I am mature enough to acknowledge that Truth or Dare is great. Besides, you’ve got no right to talk, you didn’t spend time with your teammates outside of practice at all until Sawamura told you to.”

“At least I’m not still playing Truth or Dare when I’m about to graduate from high school.”

Oikawa sniffed haughtily. “Truth or Dare is a proud Seijoh tradition that will endure into futures untold.”

“You can’t know that.”

“Can too.”

“Can not.” Kuroo grinned his lopsided grin.

“Can too.” Oikawa smirked back.

"Can not."

"Can too."

"Can not."

"Can too."

Daichi looked back and forth between the two other captains, wondering how it was possible that both of their teams had thoroughly defeated his some time in the past year.  Bokuto leaned back in his chair, humming to himself.  Ushijima carefully examined his mug.

“How can you be sure that your kouhais will still like middle school party games years from now?”

“It’s just part of Seijoh. Don’t you guys have any idea what your teams will be like after you’re gone?”

At Oikawa’s words, Daichi and Ushijima both looked up, and Bokuto sat up again, the smile sliding from his face.

Daichi sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Honestly? I try not to think about it, but I’m a bit worried.  It’s not that I don’t trust Ennoshita, it’s just… Hinata and Kageyama won’t have anyone to force them to study, and Tanaka and Nishinoya won’t have anyone to keep them from picking fights with everyone they meet, and Yachi is a good manager, she works really hard, but she gets so nervous around new people - what if she has a hard time scheduling practice matches without Kiyoko?  Or talking to people from other teams?  Or -”

“We get it, Sawamura,” Kuroo interrupted him.  “You’re a good dad who worries about his kids.”

“I am not a dad,” Daichi insisted.

The other captains looked at him.

He raised his hands in surrender.  “Okay, okay, fine.  I see your point.”

“I think your team will be fine, though,” Bokuto told him.  “Like, you guys have come so far!  I saw you at Nationals - it’s hard to believe that was the same team that lost almost every single one of its sets at the training camp last summer.”

Daichi grinned.  “Yeah, that’s true.  They’ve all worked so hard - man, a year ago Hinata and Kageyama hated each other, and Asahi had given up on volleyball, and we didn’t even have a coach …”

“Wait, you didn’t have a coach?” Oikawa repeated.

Daichi nodded.  “For the past year and a half before this one, actually.”

The other captains let out a collective whistle.

“What did you … do?” Bokuto asked, eyes wide.

“Ran our own practices.  Came up with our own drills.  Tried to figure out how to be a team as best we could.  It was hard, but.”  Daichi shrugged.  “It kept the team alive, y’know?”

“You’re something else, Sawamura,” Kuroo said honestly.

“It wasn’t just me.” There was real affection in Daichi’s smile. “Man, I’m going to miss that next year - Suga and Asahi and Kiyoko and I, all together… What about you guys?”

“My team’s gonna be great next year!” Bokuto exclaimed. “Akaashi’s gonna be such a good captain! He won’t take any shit from anyone!”

“I suppose he’ll be able to devote more mental energy to strategizing without you to deal with,” Oikawa mused.

“Hey!”

“The man has a point,” Kuroo said.  “And doesn’t Akaashi do a lot of your work for you already, anyway?”

“He’s vice-captain!  And he’s better at writing and stuff!  Plus, he likes paperwork - says it relaxes him, or something.”

“That is a very valuable person to have on your team,” Ushijima remarked.

Bokuto beamed. “Damn right! I’m the heart of the team, and he’s the head. It works. I’m gonna miss him, though,” he admitted, grin slipping off his face as quickly as it had come. “Everyone else, too. I keep thinking, like, what if they go to Nationals next year, and they win a bunch of matches without me?  I’d be so proud of them, obviously, but kind of sad, too.  Like they didn’t need me any more.”

“I wish I could say that about my team,” Oikawa muttered.

All eyes suddenly turned to him.

“What?”  He scowled.  “If Seijoh wasn’t able to beat Shiratorizawa or Karasuno with me, and Iwa-chan, and Mattsun, and Makki, then there’s no way they’ll be able to do it without us.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Daichi said.

Oikawa tilted his chair back to stare at his ceiling.  “It is, though.  Our strategy will still be good, our players will still be solid, but it won’t be enough.  Yahaba - that’s one of our second-years, a setter like me - he’s good, he can lead, but he isn’t confident enough.  He cares too much about how other people see him.”

“That’s funny, coming from you,” Kuroo quipped. Oikawa halfheartedly flipped him off.

“Really, though, Oikawa, I think your team will be okay,” Bokuto spoke up.

Oikawa sighed.  “You’re just saying that to be nice.”

“No, really!” Bokuto leaned in closer to his camera, an earnest expression in his golden eyes.  “I don’t know too much about your team, but I know you - I know that you worked really, really hard to be as good as you are. You might not have gotten to Nationals, but you made your team great. You left this - this legacy of not just working really hard, but working together, working with each other, working for each other, and I think your teammates can live up to it. They’ll try to - not be like you, but do things like you. Practice like you, or think like you.  Except maybe nicer.”

“You sound like Iwa-chan,” Oikawa replied, but there was a smile curling around his words.

“I agree with Bokuto,” Daichi added.  “You made Aoba Johsai terrifying, Oikawa, I’m not going to deny that - but even without you, they’ve got your libero, those two first-years, that wild spiker, and who knows what new first-years you’ll get next year, right?”

“Right!” Oikawa pointed at Daichi - but it was hard for him to appear convincingly menacing while grinning.  “Forget everything I said before.  My kouhais are going to kick your kouhais’ asses!”

Daichi’s smile became significantly less friendly. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Alright, whatever, but when your kouhais get to Nationals - whichever of your kouhais gets to Nationals - my kouhais are gonna kick their asses!” Bokuto exclaimed, not to be outdone. He stood up in excitement, and then remembered something. “Be right back, I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” Kuroo observed fondly.

Bokuto threw finger guns and a wink at the screen as he backed out of the camera’s range. “You know it, bro.”

Kuroo rested his elbows on his desk and his chin on his linked hands. “Nekoma is going to be okay next year, I think. Blood is renewable - it’s not any specific player that makes us great, it’s all of us together. Whoever our captain is will be able to bring the team together and let the brain function normally.”

Oikawa tilted his head to one side. “You don’t know who your new captain is going to be?”

Kuroo shook his head. “The coach chooses at the beginning of the new school year. Does Seijoh do it differently?”

“The old captain chooses the new leadership,” Oikawa replied. “But there’s usually an obvious choice.”

“Karasuno’s second-years vote at the end of the year,” Daichi put in.

“Hey hey, guess who’s back!” Bokuto arrived in his frame with snacks and a smile. “Akaashi says hi. What do Karasuno’s second-years vote about?”

“It’s how we choose our new captain,” Daichi answered. “What about Fukurodani?”

"The team holds a meeting and comes to an agreement,” said Bokuto. “It’s definitely going to be Akaashi, though. Ushiwaka, how do you do it? Hey - Ushiwaka!”

Ushijima looked up, carefully setting down his mug, which he had been staring into as if it contained all the secrets of the universe.

“Yes?”

“How do you select captains at Shiratorizawa?”

“We hold a brawl,” Ushijima told them. “And whichever of the second-years wins is the next captain.”

There was a moment of stunned silence.

“Oh my god,” whispered Kuroo.

Bokuto let out a low whistle. “That’s intense , bro.”

“Is that safe?” asked Daichi, concerned.

Ushijima blinked at them. “I was making a joke.”

“...oh.”

“Are you okay, bro?” Bokuto asked.

“I am,” Ushijima said slowly, “very drunk.”

Bokuto choked on his rice cracker and flew into a violent coughing fit before he managed, “ What?

“I am drunk,” Ushijima repeated, a little louder.

“No, no, I heard you!”

“I cannot feel my face.”

“Oh man.” Kuroo leaned forward, the captaincy debate forgotten. “So you actually did get alcohol for your team’s party?”

“You told me to,” Ushijima pointed out, and calmly submerged his entire fist in his mug. Liquid swelled up around his hand and spilled over the lip of the mug onto his desk, and he stared at it, uncomprehending.

“Ushiwaka, are you okay?” Daichi asked over Oikawa’s cackling.

“That wasn’t the handle,” Ushijima announced.

Kuroo hid a snicker behind his hand. “Pick your hand up, bro.”

“Okay.”

“Other hand.”

“Okay.”

“Now move it to your left, and down a bit - jeez, this is like one of those claw games - and down.”

“Thank you,” Ushijima said, and immediately gulped down half of the mug’s contents.

“How much alcohol is very drunk, Ushiwaka?” asked Oikawa, with malice glinting in his eyes.

Ushijima gazed at the mug in his hand. “About half a bottle.”

“Of sake?”

Ushiwaka shook his head. “It was called absolute, I think.”

“Holy shit,” Oikawa and Bokuto said in unison.

“Did you mix it with anything?” Kuroo asked him.

Ushijima tilted his head in confusion. “Why would I do that?”

Shit, ” said Kuroo in admiration. “You’ve been drinking straight vodka this entire time?”

Ushiwaka opened his mouth and rolled some words around in it to test its functionality before answering, “I’m not straight anything.”

“Bro, you’re a gift,” Bokuto told him. Kuroo started snorting his awful horse-laugh. Daichi rolled his eyes, but a telltale quirk at the corner of his mouth revealed his amusement.

“Thanks,” said Ushijima - and then he smiled, real and honest, brown eyes radiating warmth like a kotatsu in the middle of winter. “You are too. All of you.”

Bokuto made a delighted noise. “You have a beautiful smile, bro!”

The smile grew bigger. “I’m glad I met you guys,” Ushijima said. He tipped his mug up to drain the last of it down his throat. “I’m not usually very good at talking to people.”

“Technically, you’ve barely met me and Bokuto,” Kuroo pointed out.

“Wait, really?” asked Daichi.

“Bokuto and I have encountered each other at Nationals these past few years,” Ushijima said, “but only briefly.”

“Bro!”

“Yes, Bokuto?”

“We weren’t friends yet then! We have to hang out now! Nationals doesn’t count, that was ages ago.”

Ushijima tilted his head slightly, then more, until his neck was craned at an uncomfortable angle and his ear was nearly touching his shoulder. “But you live very far away.”

“There are trains,” Kuroo suggested.

Ushijima furrowed his brow. “I cannot run as far as a train.”

“You don’t have to run, bro, you can take the train!”

“I could take it in a contest of sprinting,” Ushijima said, “but not distance.” He nodded in agreement with himself. “I am sure about that.”

“No, no,” Kuroo interjected, “you can ride the train. Inside it. To Tokyo.”

“Oh.”

“If it’s on a weekend, I can come,” said Daichi. “Maybe the Saturday after this? We could leave together after breakfast, and come home in time for a late dinner?”

“Yes!” Bokuto was practically glowing. “Kuroo, you can come, yeah?”

“Anything for you, bro. Ushijima, are you free then?”

“I think so,” said Ushijima, “but please remind me in the morning. I am not sure how much I am drunk but it feels like.”

“...Feels like…?” Daichi asked uncertainly

“Feels like,” Ushijima repeated.

“...Okay. Well, I’ll remind you tomorrow, it’s going to be really fun - Oikawa, what are you looking at me like that for?”

“Nothing,” Oikawa responded swiftly, but his sullen tone told a different story. Silence fell for a moment as the other captains stared at him curiously.

Kuroo was the first to realize, and he laughed aloud. “Of course you’re invited, dumbass.”

“I - shut up,” grumbled Oikawa as Bokuto laughed at him. He ducked his head, but it was to no avail; his webcam still caught the corners of his pleased smile.

“Seriously, though, can we make this happen?” Bokuto asked. “Cause I haven’t seen the Miyagi guys since Nationals, which is awful, and Kuroo since two days ago, which is worse.”

“We could take the train to Tokyo together,” Daichi said. “If Oikawa and Ushijima could stand being around each other for that long.”

Ushijima frowned. “I don’t want to fight with Oikawa.”

“So this is the perfect opportunity!” Bokuto exclaimed. “You can talk to each other without a net between you!”

“That might be…nice,” Oikawa allowed, with a slightly pained expression.

Kuroo grinned. “And I can roast Oikawa in person.”

“I take it back.”

“Too late. You can’t un-build a bridge.”

“You literally can-”

“Bokuto, what did you have in mind?” asked Daichi, interrupting the budding conflict.

“Dunno!” Bokuto didn’t seem particularly bothered by the vagueness of the plan. “Get food, talk about our feelings… Maybe walk around and look for dogs-”

“I WOULD LIKE THAT,” Daichi blurted.

“I know, bro, I know.”

“Maybe Sawamura could see the actual Tokyo Tower,” Kuroo added with a malicious grin.

Oikawa cocked his head. “As opposed to…?”

“Well-”

“You don’t have to do this,” Daichi cut in with a warning look.

Kuroo leered at him. “Why not? Afraid the story would get a bad... reception?

Daichi groaned. “You say my sense of humor is awful?”

“Puns and making fun of you are the two highest forms of humor.”

“Actually though!” Bokuto had perked up. “It’s only, like, nine hundred yen to go up the Tower. And it’s really pretty.”

“I could go to the One Piece store and buy something for Tendou,” Ushijima mused.

“That sounds awesome!” Bokuto beamed. “This is gonna be great. I’m so glad we made this chat.”

“I am too,” Kuroo agreed. “It was a great idea.”

“I really have the best ideas, don’t I!”

“It was my idea, you brainless feathery asshole.”

Bokuto waved aside his friend’s retort with a magnanimous hand, and Kuroo stuck out his tongue childishly before continuing. “You’re right, though, it was a good idea. We could’ve gone all through high school and never really talked to each other.”

“Or we could’ve hated each other,” Daichi said. “We’re fated rivals, remember?”

“We used to be.”

Daichi blinked. “What?”

“We’re graduating tomorrow,” Kuroo reminded him. “We’re never going to play with our old teams again.”

That was a sobering thought, and the call fell into brief silence.

Bokuto, of course, was the one to break it, with an excited “Dude, what if we end up playing against each other in college?”

Kuroo smirked. “Then I’d still take you down.”

Bokuto cracked his knuckles. “You could try.”

“Ushiwaka’s probably going professional, right?” Daichi cut in.

“Mm,” the spiker in question agreed.

“Bro, your camera’s swaying,” said Kuroo.

“I think it’s me,” said Ushijima tranquilly.

“Oh.”

“Well, for those of us who are mortals,” said Oikawa with a sharp, bright smile, “we might also end up playing on the same teams.” He rested his chin on his hands, a contemplative look taking over his bitter one. “Actually, that might be interesting.”

“Are you sure you’d want to play on the same team as me?” Kuroo asked innocently. “Considering that you’d have to accept being the second-most-attractive player in the gym.”

“I can think of a lot of reasons I wouldn’t want you on my team, but that’s not one of them,” Oikawa shot back.

“I’d play on your team, Oikawa!” Bokuto interjected. “That way we could have Frankencaptain’s face and arms, at least.”

“Please don’t bring that back,” Kuroo groaned, and was thoroughly ignored.

“Yeah!” Oikawa smiled again at Bokuto, genuinely this time. “I think it’d be fun to set for you, Bokuto.”

“Thank you!” Bokuto beamed at him. “You’re really a good guy, you know that?”

“I am, aren’t I,” Oikawa agreed.

Kuroo made an upset noise. “Bokuto, why don’t you ever tell me I’m a good guy?”

“You’re a grea -”

“No he’s not,” Oikawa cut him off.

Kuroo made a token attempt at a distressed look, but the effect was ruined by the smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Why’re you so mean to me, Oikawa?”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “Grinch song. Star Wars spoilers. X-Files doc.”

“In my defense, it’s not just X Files in that doc.”

Daichi frowned. “Quit antagonizing each oth-”

“No, it’s fine,” interrupted Kuroo, with a shit-eating grin breaking through his mock pout. “He’s pretending otherwise, but he enjoys this.”

Oikawa folded his arms over his chest, although the gesture came across as more petulant than intimidating. “I do not.”

“It’s been months, you can’t pretend you don’t like us.” Oikawa’s objection was drowned out by Kuroo’s singsongy you liiiiiike us, and he made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat.

“You’re five years old, I swear!”

“Well, I suppose you are spending your night with us,” Daichi pointed out.

“You spent last Saturday night watching Star Wars with me,” Kuroo added.

Bokuto’s eyes were wide and guileless. “Bro, you like us, don’t you?”

Oikawa’s sulk was in full swing, but all eyes were on him now, and he couldn’t deflect the question.

“I like Bokuto,” he mumbled.

“I like you too, bro!”

“That doesn’t count, you like everyone.”

Bokuto pouted at Daichi’s screen rectangle. “Aw.”

“He’s right, bro,” Kuroo told him. “Oikawa, what about the rest of us, eh?”

“Sawamura is nice. You’re…” Oikawa’s mouth twisted around the words. “Tolerable.”

Kuroo cackled. “I’ll take it.”

“I still hate Ushiwaka,” Oikawa added defiantly.

“I really don’t understand why,” said Ushijima around another sip from his mug. “I never did anything but beat you.”

“You’re doing it right now - acting like it was no big deal!”

“I don’t mean to,” Ushijima said.

“Ugh, I know that, but-”

“Aw, c’mon, guys,” Bokuto interrupted. “Isn’t that all in the past now?”

Oikawa looked at him, slightly taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to hate Ushiwaka anymore, do you?”

Of course I do! He - he-”

“Hey, hey. Relax, even if it’s just for tonight. You’re never going to face each other again, you know?” Bokuto was smiling, as ever, but his eyes were oddly gentle. “You can learn to move on.”

“I-” Oikawa’s expression was torn halfway between anger and betrayal, and he rose half-out of his seat. “How can you say something like that! I might not have been able to beat him, but I’m not weak-

“No, bro!” Bokuto leaned forward. “It would show that you’re strong . You’ve got a future to fight for, you know?”

Oikawa’s mouth snapped shut, and he dropped back down into his chair. His shoulders hunched infinitesimally.

“He’s right,” Daichi put in. “We’ve got no next time left to hold out for.”

“Yeah,” Kuroo agreed. “I’ll always be most loyal to Nekoma, but next year’s rivalries aren’t ours anymore.”

Bokuto rested his chin on his hand. “Then it’s good that we made this chat. Cause otherwise we would’ve been so focused on winning, we wouldn’t have remembered to have fun til it was too late.”

Daichi nodded his agreement. “Playing volleyball is much more enjoyable like this.”

“The seeds of friendship have yielded a bountiful crop,” Ushijima said.

Bokuto pointed at his screen in victory. “A joke!”

“Yes,” Ushijima confirmed.

Kuroo’s snort and Bokuto’s delighted chuckle were interrupted by a strangled noise from Oikawa’s microphone.

“Oikawa?” Daichi asked.

“Bro?” Bokuto added.

“What?” Oikawa swiped furiously at his eyes, but even on their computer screens, the other captains could clearly see wetness on his cheeks. “There’s nothing to see here. I’m fine. I’m totally fine.”

“You’re crying,” Ushijima observed.

“I am not-”

“It’s okay to cry,” Ushijima continued. He leaned forward in his seat, staring earnestly at Oikawa’s face on his screen. “You’re graduating soon, leaving your friends and your team.  I feel the same way.”

Oikawa buried his head in his hands.  “What the fuck.”

Ushijima was undeterred. “I remember after we lost to Karasuno, at the practice we had afterwards, I gave all the underclassmen on the team something that I thought they could work on for the next year.  And it surprised me, how much they listened to me. I don’t think I was ever a very good captain. All I did was lead practice and spike in matches. But that practice - and tonight, at the party - they all said they would work hard for me. And try to get to nationals next year so that I could watch them win. And the other third years all said they would watch my matches on TV, and - oh.” Ushijima looked down at his hand. “That’s interesting.”

“I think that’s the longest I’ve ever heard you talk for,” Kuroo said, at the same time as Bokuto asked, “What’s interesting, bro?”

“My hand,” Ushijima replied. “It’s wet. I don’t know why?”  He picked it up and held it up to the camera, as though asking for expert analysis.  Bokuto and Kuroo both leaned in to examine it.

“Is it vodka?” asked Kuroo.

Ushijima shook his head. “No, this is the other hand.”

“Taste it?” suggested Bokuto.

Ushijima obliged. “It tastes a bit salty.”

Bokuto and Kuroo exchanged a look.

“I have no idea, bro,” said Kuroo.

“Me neither,” added Bokuto.

Daichi, meanwhile, hadn’t taken his eyes off of Oikawa.

“Hey,” he said.  “Oikawa.  Are you okay?”

“NO!” the setter practically shouted, and the other three members of the call startled in surprise.  His face emerged from behind his hands, red rims forming around his eyes.  “I’m not okay!  How can I be okay when I’m leaving my team - leaving Seijoh - forever?  Fucking - listening to Ushiwaka talk about fucking Shiratorizawa made me think about - we never got to nationals, but everyone worked so hard, they worked so hard- ” Oikawa was crying in earnest now, angrily wiping snot bubbles from his nose. “They deserved to go to nationals - I’m going to miss playing with them all so much - I’m even going to miss - fucking Ushiwaka - gave me someone to fight against -”

“Hey now,” Daichi interjected. “That’s nothing to be sad about - I mean that, stop hiccupping at me! High school wasn’t meant to last forever, and haven’t you had the time of your life while you were here?”

“I - you don’t understand, Sawamura.” Oikawa’s face was blotching, and he sucked in a shuddery breath, staring at his hands. “Not that you’re - that you’re not - it’s that nobody knows me like my friends do, nobody else has what we have ...  Hajime and Issei and Takahiro and I, when we were first-years, we started singing together, on the bus on the way to games. And none of us can sing very well, but it was okay because we were singing together , a-and we’ve done that on the way to every game, as long as I can remember… And tomorrow we’re going to sing one last time at graduation, and then after that…” His voice broke, and the tears started flowing anew. “There’s only one more tomorrow for us! And after that, we’ll never sing together again-”

“Maybe not with that attitude!” Bokuto interrupted him. Oikawa looked up to find the ace grinning at his camera. “They’re only going to be gone if you let them go, right?”

“We’re all going to different universities, you overly-optimistic birdbrain.” There was more sadness than bite in the wavering words.

Bokuto was undeterred. “They’re not going to let that stop them, you know! You’ve fought together and laughed together and sung together and grown together, and you never forget the people you’ve loved.”

“...Love?” Oikawa tipped his head, slight confusion in his red eyes. “That’s love?”

“Of course it’s love,” Bokuto declared. “You love them, and they love you, and that doesn’t go away.”

“They love me,” Oikawa repeated, and his lips began to curve upwards.

“There’s going to be new first-years that sing together,” Kuroo added. “Just as there were third-years that left before you. A team isn’t just the members. It’s the spirit.”

A tiny smile broke out across Oikawa’s face. “You know, one time I was about to serve in a game, and there was a lot of pressure on me, and I was right on the edge of freaking out? And instead of telling me that they knew I could do it or that they were counting on me, they started shouting orders for the ramen they’d make me buy them if I missed.” He sniffed again, but with a happier lilt in his voice as he added wistfully, “They always knew exactly what I needed.”

“You’ve got a lot of good memories with them, huh?” There was no sarcasm in Kuroo’s voice, and Oikawa gave him a real smile in return.

“This other time, I overslept and came to school with a hanger in the back of my shirt, and they called me Hanger Tooru so much that people started asking if I was half-foreign.”

Bokuto choked on a laugh. “Oh my god, dude, they made you a meme?”

“I am a meme.” Oikawa wiped his nose on his sleeve, looking self-satisfied.

Daichi’s eyes glinted. “You could say it was a good meme -ory.”

Kuroo started coughing on his own spit at the same time that Bokuto cried out, “ Sawamura!

“What?” Daichi’s tone was nonchalant, but he looked absurdly pleased with himself. “I’m picking up on the hip new slang, you know.  And besides, I can relate to Oikawa.  I, too, was a meme once.”

“You were?” Ushijima asked.

“When this chat was first made, and Kuroo and Bokuto tried to explain to me what a meme is,” Daichi said.  “Kuroo edited this picture of me to have the words, ‘What is a meme’ on it in some funny font - I printed it out, I think I have it somewhere.”  Daichi disappeared into his room, and the sounds of faint rumagging could be heard over video.

Kuroo chuckled.  “Oh, my God, I totally forgot about that.”

“I didn’t.”  Daichi emerged, triumphant, with a picture held aloft in his hand: it was, true to his word, that same picture that Kuroo had edited the previous summer.

Bokuto started applauding, hooting in admiration.  Kuroo joined in, followed by a reluctant Oikawa.  Ushijima slowly thumped his (now empty) mug on the table a few times.

“Okay,” said Oikawa, once the noise had died down, “but as impressive as that is, I think we can all agree that if even you’re making meme jokes, we know they’re dated.”

You’re a dated meme,” Kuroo pointed out. “Hanger Tooru was one of those fifteen-minutes-of-fame memes.”

“I wish. They’ve been regularly making fun of me for it for months.”

“I’d make fun of you for that too.”

“I know, Kuroo. Oh! And another time - we were watching the Muppets Christmas Carol movie before Christmas, and Mattsun said that I reminded him of Kermit-”

He was interrupted by a snort from Bokuto, and broke into giggles. “No, seriously!”

“I see it! You look like a frog!”

“You do kind of have the same face,” Daichi observed.

“You’re the fourth person who’s told me that!”

“I agree,” Ushijima agreed.

There was a lull as Oikawa remembered, and then he spoke again. His voice was still wet, but he was smiling.

“You know… When I think about high school, it’s not losing to Shiratorizawa or Karasuno that I’m going to remember. It’s singing.”

“I feel the same way,” Daichi agreed. “Going to nationals was the best part of high school for me, but… I was never fighting against the people on the opposition’s side of the net. I was fighting for all the pork buns and hard practices I’ve shared with the people on mine.”

“Also!” Bokuto pointed a finger into the air. “We don’t have to disappear completely , right?”

“That’s true,” said Daichi. “It’s not like we’re dying. We can still come back and cheer our kouhais on. Or come back and make sure our kouhais aren’t killing each other.”

Oikawa snuffled a little. “You’re right, I can still make fun of Tobio-chan even when I’m at college.”

“That is not what I meant.”

“If I’m not on a rival team anymore, I can go help Hinata practice when we’re not at training camps!”

“That’s more like it.”

“He’s going to be a legend, you know.” For once, Kuroo’s tone was completely sincere.

“Oh, I know,” Daichi assured him. “The others too - Kageyama has learned to play as part of a team, and Tsukishima’s finally starting to understand why this game is worth putting your soul into, and Yamaguchi is standing taller and prouder than he was at the beginning of the year, and Yachi is so much more confident now than she was when she joined the club, and Tanaka and Nishinoya are starting to become leaders … This team has come so far, and I’m so proud of all of them.”

“Yeah, tell us again about what a good dad you are, Dadchi,” Oikawa teased, still sniffling.

Daichi fixed him with a stern look, but his glare didn’t have its usual terrifying force.  “It’s not that, it’s just - I’ve spent so much time with all of these guys, and I’ve gotten to watch them grow, and figure out what they’re good at, both on and off the court, and really find their places on the team… They’re all so talented, and so determined, and I know they’re going to keep fighting no matter what, and… Being part of Karasuno and raising of all of them with Suga, I wouldn’t trade it for the world, and maybe I can’t keep them under my wing forever, but I’ve watched them grow, and that’s all I could ever ask for-”

His voice hitched on the word ever.

“Oh, shit, Sawamura, not you too!” Bokuto cried out. But it was too late - Daichi’s attempts to speak were thwarted by the lump lodged in his throat, and his shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. Oikawa wailed afresh, and Bokuto’s smile started to waver, like words looked at through a glass of water.

“I’m s-sorry,” Daichi said, voice breaking around the words.  “But I guess - I guess it’s better for this to happen now than tomorrow, when I have to say goodbye to my team…”

“Saying goodbye to your team,” Bokuto repeated. The ace’s eyes were bright. Almost...too bright. And then, as Kuroo squinted hard at his screen, Bokuto let out a telltale sniffle and swiped at his face with his sleeve.

"Bro, why are YOU crying?!"

"P-” Bokuto hiccuped. “Peer pressure…”

“Calm down, bro,” Kuroo said, leaning back in his chair.

Bokuto shook his head vehemently, and then burst out with a flood of sound. “I-it's just, after today I have to leave my team forever, you know? No more movie nights, or ramen parties before games, or contests to see who stinks the most after a hard practice, or Washio blocking, or Sarukui yelling at me when I miss a serve, or Konoha and Komi talking shit about the other team, or Akaashi sending perfect tosses and telling me to calm down and hugging me when we win and … and …”

“No more Fukurodani, at least - at least not your Fukurodani,” Daichi finished for him.

“You’re not helping,” Bokuto wailed. He dropped his head down onto his desk, then let out a few muffled words that nobody else could catch.

“Bro, are you okay?” Kuroo asked, peering into his camera.

Bokuto lifted his head for a moment, just long enough to say, “Leave me be, don’t talk to me,” then cocooned it even more tightly in his arms.

“If you want to talk, you can,” Daichi told him.

“Yeah,” Kuroo added.  “We won’t judge you.”

“We’ll only judge you a little bit,” Oikawa said.  Kuroo shot him a look, upon which he corrected, “I mean, we won’t at all.”

Ushijima nodded.

Bokuto’s arms let out a muffled howl.

“What did you say?”  Kuroo reached out a hand, as though to rub his back through the screen.

Bokuto raised his head, revealing red-rimmed eyes and tearstained distress on his face.

“I love all of my friends so much and I don’t want to leave them!”

Kuroo stared at his best friend - and something in his expression shifted, something none of the others could quite catch.

“Stay right there, Bokuto,” he said quietly.  And then, pointing at the other captains, “All of you keep telling sappy stories or something.  I’ll be back on in twenty minutes.”

Kuroo closed his laptop with a snap.

“What - what is he doing?” Bokuto asked, sniffling.

“Something important,” Ushijima replied.

“Okay.”

“Once, in our first year, Suga, Asahi and I got really lost on a run,” Daichi started suddenly.

“Sawamura, what’re you doing?” Oikawa wondered.

“Kuroo said to tell sappy stories while he was gone, so that’s what I’m doing,” Daichi said simply.  “We got really lost, and we ended up walking around the town we ended up in for two hours, asking different people if they knew how to get to Karasuno High School.  By the time we finally got back, practice was already over, and the captain was so mad, he made us clean up the gym for a month afterwards - but we really bonded, I think.  I actually talked to Asahi without him being terrified for the first time that day.”

For a moment, the other captains looked at Daichi - staring off into the distance, as though picturing three lost first-years finding their way home together.

And then, Ushijima spoke up.  “Once, Satori got our whole team to watch this really weird American movie together.  It was some strange movie about a shark, or a monster, or a giant monster-shark - I honestly don’t remember.  I just remember learning all of these things about my teammates that I’d never known before.  That Semi can throw pieces of popcorn up and catch them in his mouth, and that Reon says things like, ‘There we go’ when he sits down, and that Yamagata loses his phone really easily, and that Satori can talk through almost anything.”

“One time, Akaashi told me I’d done really well in a game,” Bokuto said.

Oikawa eyed him skeptically.  “Isn’t that a fairly normal occurrence?”

Bokuto shook his head. “No. And especially not this time. It was after a really hard game, and …”

The four of them continued - stories about Bokuto coercing his team into pranking the girls’ team (and getting severely punished for it), stories about Oikawa’s friends teaming up to force him to stop thinking about volleyball for a week each year, stories about Shimizu helping the other Karasuno third-years not fail their classes, stories about Ushijima losing track of his entire team at tournaments because he simply moved faster than they did. The stories flowed, along with happier tears, until a sudden slamming sound echoed through the call from Bokuto’s end.

Oikawa caught sight of the movement in the background of Bokuto's room, and his red-rimmed eyes widened. "Bokuto, heads up!"

Bokuto was halfway through a quizzical response when something lean and dark-haired hit him like a bullet out of hell. His chair crashed onto the floor and he soon followed - soon, only his feet were visible, mismatched socks dangling upside-down in the air like confused streamers in the living room two hours after the party ended.

Daichi was so surprised, he stopped crying for a moment to exclaim, "Holy shit, Bokuto, are you okay?"

From somewhere below the camera’s range, excited noises of recognition were interspersed with Bokuto’s renewed crying. After a brief scuffle, Bokuto rose from the ground and righted his chair, then sat down in it again. Kuroo unfolded himself from the ground and hopped into Bokuto’s lap, snuggling up against his best friend and resting his chin on the top of Bokuto’s head. Bokuto leaned into his touch, then wiped his snot on Kuroo’s shirt.

“You’re nasty,” Kuroo told him affectionately, and planted a kiss on the top of his head.

“I am,” Bokuto agreed.

Oikawa cooed at the display, and Kuroo smiled at the webcam. “I’m glad you guys cheered up a bit while I was gone.”

“We told stories,” Ushijima said. He was swaying from side to side in earnest now, but his voice was still relatively clear.

“I’m glad,” Kuroo told him.

“How did you even get in there?” Daichi asked. Then, to Bokuto, he added, “Don’t tell me you gave him a key.”

“Akaashi let me in,” Kuroo answered. “And I came on my moped.”

“On your-” Daichi started, then stopped. “You know what? I don’t even want to know.”

“That’s probably for the best,” said the moped owner in question.

“You know what isn’t for the best?” Oikawa exclaimed. “Graduation! Leaving! Having to go from seeing people you - people you love every day to only talking to them sometimes! It’s fucking stupid - I want to find out who invented graduation and serve a ball right into their dumb face-”

“Come on, you don’t really mean that,” Daichi cut him off.

"Oh, don't I?"

"You've got a lot of life left to live, you know?" Kuroo put in. "New places, new teams, new friends to mock you mercilessly."

"Heh. I suppose that's true," Oikawa admitted.

“Besides, it's late at night right now. It’ll all be better in the morning, I promise.”

Oikawa gave him a watery nod, and then his eyes narrowed. “You better not be taking screenshots of me crying.”

Kuroo laughed out loud at the weak threat, but his smile was genuine. “I wouldn’t do that.  I actually enjoy your company, you know.”

Oikawa blinked a few times, then started giggling. “I like you too, you know that?”

Kuroo’s mouth dropped open, and Oikawa wrapped his arms around his knees defensively at the other captain’s look of incredulity. “Wh-what? You’re nice sometimes…”

“I agree,” put in Ushijima suddenly, with surprising lucidity in his eyes. "You care about your friends and teammates very much. You said your team is renewable, but Nekoma is going to miss you. I know I would."

He paused, giving Kuroo a moment to respond. However, the combined words of the two Miyagi captains had done the impossible: they had rendered Kuroo Tetsurou speechless.

Daichi took the opportunity to contribute. “They’re right, Kuroo. You made all of Karasuno feel welcome at the camp amongst four powerhouse schools, you managed to make my most apathetic first-year fall in love with volleyball, and you connected the five of us, when otherwise we would’ve stayed strangers or enemies, and-”

Guys- ” Kuroo had buried his face in his hands, but the tips of his ears were bright red.

“Bro,” Bokuto blurted out, “you have the sickest memes -”

That was the final straw.

A quiet sob emerged from behind Kuroo’s hands - but before anyone could tease him for it, Bokuto pulled his best friend to a standing position, then wrapped him in a bear hug tight enough to squeeze his sadness away.  (At least, that seemed to be the goal.)

“Bro,” Kuroo gasped.

Bokuto patted his hair.  “I know.”

“No, bro. Bro. I can’t breathe.”

“Oh.” Bokuto loosened his hold, but he still kept his arms wrapped around Kuroo. “Sorry.”

Kuroo shook his head. “No, it’s okay, it’s okay.” He tugged Bokuto back into their earlier position, squeezing into the too-small desk chair as though it had been built for two. Kuroo leaned into his friend, took a deep breath, then peered at the computer screen.

“Shit,” he said.

“What?” Bokuto asked, rubbing circles into Kuroo’s back.

“Everyone’s crying.”

Oikawa shook his head and pointed at his screen accusingly.  “Ushiwaka’s not crying.”

“That’s true,” Kuroo agreed.  “He isn’t.”

“He should be,” Oikawa said.

“Ushiwaka, why aren’t you crying?” Bokuto demanded.

“What?” Ushiwaka wondered.  He looked at each other captain in turn, confused.  “But I am.”

“You’re what?”

“Crying.  I have been for a while.”  Ushijima moved his camera in closer, so that the redness around his eyes was clearly visible.

“Huh,” Oikawa said in a small voice.  “I guess the stone giant does have feelings after all.”

Ushijima peered at him, red eyes less threatening now than any of the other captains had ever seen them. “Of course I do. I feel sad that I’m graduating and leaving my team. What was it Bokuto said earlier?” He paused, thinking, then said, “I love all of my friends so much, and I don’t want to leave them.  That was it.”

The quiet, plain admission of truth from the most honest amongst them broke something in the group of captains. Daichi’s shoulders started shaking again, and he reached out of the frame for a hankerchief, blowing his nose with a honk, then continued to drip tears and snot onto his desk. Oikawa pressed his head against his knees, sucking in shuddery breaths as he cried quietly. In their desk chair, Bokuto wrapped his arms around Kuroo’s waist and cried against his shoulder, and Kuroo nestled closer to his best friend and let his tears drip down onto the top of Bokuto’s ridiculous hair. And Ushijima just closed his eyes and let hot, salty tears squeeze themselves from the corners of his eyelids and splash freely down his cheeks.

It was strange - even though they were sitting in four different rooms in four different cities, something - the talking, or the crying, or the stories they'd told each other - made them feel as though they were all in the same place.  As though the distance between captain and captain, team and team, person and person was shrinking - or perhaps it had never existed to begin with.

“So, we can all agree to never speak of this again?” Kuroo finally broke the silence, voice shaky. Ushijima’s deep chuckle rumbled amongst the instant chorus of vehement agreement.

“Imagine if our teams saw their captains sobbing on a Skype call the night before graduation,” said Oikawa, laughing a little.

“We’re not their captains anymore,” Daichi reminded him.  He was met with distressed protests.

“Sawamura, you’re making it worse!” Oikawa cried.

“No, it’s okay, it’s okay,” interrupted Kuroo. “Cause you know what?”

“What?” Bokuto asked, face pressed into his friend’s shoulder.

“Even if we leave our teams, we’ll still be with them in spirit,” Kuroo said, very seriously.  “Our hearts will stay with them.”

Bokuto gasped.  “Bro - you don’t mean -”

Kuroo nodded.  “I do.”

“What’s going on?” Daichi asked.

Bokuto looked at Kuroo.  “Should we show them?”

“I think we should show them.”

“Show us what?” Oikawa demanded.

Kuroo fiddled with his phone for a second, then held it up to his camera.  It was open to a video on Youtube.  Smirking like a tearful Cheshire cat, he pressed play.

A distinctive recorder melody soon filled the air, followed by several groans.

“Do we really have to go through this again? ” Oikawa wondered, staring up at his ceiling as though it could provide him with answers.

“Again?” Bokuto asked. “We haven’t shown you this before.”

“You definitely have,” Daichi argued. “It was right after the Tokyo prefecture prelims.”

“Oh.” Bokuto’s face fell.

“Not a problem,” Kuroo cut in smoothly. “You can never listen to this beauty too many times.”

Oikawa shook his head. “You absolutely can. Once was too much.”

“Just shut it off, bro,” Bokuto mumbled dejectedly.

“Wait,” Ushijima said.

Everyone turned to look at him.

“Yeah?” Kuroo asked.

“I haven’t heard this before.  I want to listen.”

Ushijima was a hard guy to argue with, so Kuroo played the whole video, in solemn silence except for occasional fits of giggles from Kuroo and Bokuto, a couple of bemused chuckles from Daichi, and exasperated groans from Oikawa.  As the final strains of out-of-tune recorder faded into nothingness, Ushijima stared at his screen very intently.

“That was an excellent cover,” he announced. “Great performance. Very musical. Ten stars.”

And he promptly fell asleep on top of his desk.

“Oh no,” Bokuto cried, “we killed him!”

Kuroo patted his head. “No, bro, he just passed out. He drank a lot of alcohol, you know.”

"It's also..." Daichi checked his computer's clock. "Oh, it's two o'clock in the morning."

"Shit," said Kuroo, "that's late."

"We have to graduate in seven hours," announced Bokuto.

"Seven hours until the rest of our lives," Kuroo said pensively.

"Don't you start the waterworks again," Daichi warned him.

"I'm really tired." Oikawa’s mouth twisted. “I hate feeling legitimate emotions, it’s so exhausting.”

“You should get to bed,” Daichi told him, fatherly as always. For once, Oikawa was too sleepy to argue.

"You can stay over, right, bro?" Bokuto asked Kuroo's shoulder, and Kuroo nodded. "Then we're going to get to sleep. I wanna be awake for my own graduation."

"Alright." Daichi stretched his arms above his head, yawning hugely. "I'll go to sleep too, then."

"Goodnight, Sawamura," Kuroo said, leaning back against Bokuto.

"Mmhmm. Good luck with your ceremonies, guys."

"You too, bro!"

"Try not to cry too much," Oikawa added.

"Hypocrite," Kuroo said cheerfully.

“True," Oikawa admitted. "Goodnight, guys.”

Call ended, duration 3:01:21.

 

2:14 A.M.

Mr. Sugawara Daichi: This is a message for Ushijima tomorrow morning, reminding him that we’re going to Tokyo the weekend after this one.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: And… For everyone, actually.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I’m not sure how many of you are still awake, but I just want to say that I’m really grateful for this chat.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I’ve learned a lot from all of you, and not just about volleyball.  I’m glad we’re friends.
HOOT HOOT: SAWAMURAAAAAAAAAAA
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Actually, you can call me Daichi.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Half of my team already does.
HOOT HOOT: DAIIIIICHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
HOOT HOOT: I LOVE U
HOOT HOOT: ALL OF U
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Love you too, Bokuto.
ur favorite lolcat: <3
perfectkawa ✌: ew
HOOT HOOT: I LOVE OIKAWA ESPECIALLY
HOOT HOOT: W ALL MY HEART
perfectkawa ✌: ughhhhh
HOOT HOOT: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
perfectkawa ✌: i love you too, you damn fruitcake
perfectkawa ✌: although i would like to state for the record that none of you can call me tooru
perfectkawa ✌: ever
ur favorite lolcat: see you in two weeks, tooru-kun
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Goodnight, you children.
HOOT HOOT: GNIGHT DAD
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I’m not-
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Ah, whatever.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Goodnight.

Chapter Text

March 26, 2016
11:19 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: hows the train ride going?
ur favorite lolcat: have they murdered each other yet
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Well.
ur favorite lolcat: oh man

Mr. Sugawara Daichi sent an image.

Mr Sugawara Daichi: They’re asleep on each other.
ur favorite lolcat: omfg
HOOT HOOT: GOLD

Mr. Sugawara Daichi sent an image.

ur favorite lolcat: IS THAT DROOL


“Hey, guys.”

Oikawa looked up from where he was gazing out the train window, watching Tokyo roll by old and new, silver and black, glass and concrete.

“Yeah?” he asked Daichi.

“Where are we meeting Kuroo and Bokuto?” Daichi wondered.  “At the station, or somewhere else?”

“The station’s pretty big,” Oikawa said.  “Iwa-chan and I nearly got lost trying to find a bathroom the last time we were here.”

“You couldn’t just hold it?”

Both Oikawa and Daichi turned to Ushijima, sitting in the aisle seat.  He’d been fairly quiet for the past hour or so, just listening to music on his headphones - they’d assumed, after he’d sat completely still for a solid half-hour with his eyes closed, that he’d fallen back asleep.

“Not all of us have bladders of steel like you, Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa retorted.

“I don’t have a bladder of steel,” Ushijima replied.  “I just strategically plan out when and how much I drink water in order to control my kidneys so that I only have to pee at convenient times.”

Daichi and Oikawa stared at him.

“That was a joke.”

Another moment passed, then Daichi gave a polite chuckle.  Oikawa only continued to stare.

“I never get your jokes, Ushiwaka-chan,” he said.

Ushijima shrugged.  “That’s probably because you don’t understand sarcasm.”

“What?!” Oikawa spluttered.  “I’ll have you know I got a ninety-five on my modern literature exam!  And I -”

“Guys,” Daichi interrupted him.  “The train is stopping.  And I still have no idea where Bokuto and Kuroo are meeting us.”

“They’re going to be waiting in the central part of the station,” Ushijima informed him, standing up to grab his backpack from the overhead rack.

“Oh.”  Daichi reached up to grab his own bag, then stopped.  “Wait.  How come you know this and I don’t?”

“It was in the group chat.”  Ushijima got Daichi’s bag, then handed it to him.

“Oh,” Daichi repeated.  “Thanks.”

“Hey, Daichi,” Oikawa said suddenly, pointing out the window at the last passing telephone pole before the train track dipped underground and began to speed through the dark tunnel towards the center of the city, “do you think that’s the Tokyo Tower?”

Daichi’s face darkened.  “You know, it’s really impressive that Iwaizumi doesn’t punch you ten times a day.”

“Iwa-chan loves me,” Oikawa said with a self-satisfied grin, drawing out the loves loud enough and long enough that other people on the train turned to stare.  Daichi and Ushijima headed out of their row and towards the doors in an attempt to pretend that they didn’t know him.

Oikawa gasped theatrically, then hurried to catch up, knocking into seats and annoyed fellow passengers.  The three captains reached the front of the train car just as the platform came into view, all bright fluorescents and colorful advertisements on the columns.

“Does everyone have their cell phones?” Daichi asked as they gripped the handrail for balance.  “Wallets?  Water bottles?  Snacks?  Chargers?  Extra socks?”

Ushijima nodded at each question.  Oikawa just sighed. “You did this when we got on the train, too.”

“It’s important to be aware of your belongings,” Daichi replied.  “Every time we go to an away game, Karasuno loses something.  Although I’ve gotten the average down from ten things to four over the past year,” he added, puffing his chest up proudly.

“Every time I talk to you, I understand more and more why the others call you a dad,” Ushijima told him.  Oikawa stifled a snicker.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Before Ushijima could answer, the train screeched to a halt, doors opening onto the platform.

“This is Tokyo Station,” the announcer said pleasantly.  “Be careful of the gap between the train and the platform.  Transfer is available to the Keiyou line …”

The three captains disembarked, stumbling slightly on travel-shaky legs, and followed the stream of people off the platform to the main terminal.  Saturday morning was, apparently, one of the most popular travel times - as they approached the center of the station, people surrounded them on all sides, pushing and pulling until it was nearly impossible to move.  The floor seemed to be white tile, and some kind of instrumental music was filtering through speakers, but it was hard to tell.  Bright signs above their heads pointed out different platforms, restaurants, and shops, providing the only landmarks in a cacophony of bodies.

“How did they say we’d find them?” Daichi asked Ushijima as they passed yet another sign pointing towards Keiyou street.

Ushijima shrugged.  “Kuroo just said in the center.”

Oikawa grimaced. “But I think there are two centers - or, like, there are two main wings?  I don’t know, let me text him.”

11:36 A.M.

perfectkawa ✌: where the FUCK are you guys

The response came thirty seconds and two signs later.

11:37 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: newspaper kiosk

“He says they’re by a newspaper kiosk,” Oikawa reported.

The three captains stopped and rotated, scanning for newspapers and tall volleyball players with ridiculous bedhead or ridiculously loud voices.  The search was difficult, and earned them several passive-aggressive “ Excuse me ”s from the people who passed by.

“Can you see anything, Ushijima?” Daichi asked.  “You’re … taller.”

Ushijima wasn’t fidgeting or pacing, but his eyes flicked rapidly around the train station, betraying his slight nerves. “Country folk are not meant for the big city like this.”

A rolling suitcase swerved to avoid Oikawa and hit Daichi’s stomach head-on. “You’re right about that.”

Oikawa shook his head, clicking his tongue sympathetically.  “You two are pathetic.  We just have to look around, and - hey!  That store has posters and stuff!  I wonder if they’ve got any of the X Files revival-”

“Oikawa, shut up,” Daichi told him mildly.  “You’re not helping.”

After another few seconds of fruitless searching, the crowd seemed to thin out slightly - enough that they could see their surroundings a little more clearly.  Unfortunately, the increased vigilance did little for their navigation abilities, which were mediocre at best.

Oikawa’s phone buzzed.

11:45 A.M.

ur favorite lolcat: where tf are YOU guys

“That’s not very helpful,” Daichi observed.

“Were you really expecting it to be?” Oikawa shot back.

Daichi thought for a minute, then pulled out his own phone.

Luckily for Daichi’s stress levels, Bokuto picked up on the third ring.  “Heyheyhey!” he shouted.  “Daichi!  To what do I owe the pleasure!”

“Where are you?” Daichi asked.

“I thought Kuroo said - we’re by the newspaper kiosk.”

Daichi glanced around for a second, just to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him, then said, “Bokuto, I can see about ten newspaper kiosks from here.”

“Oh.”

There was a pause.  Then, a change of voice.

“Look, where are you right now?” Kuroo wanted to know.

Daichi held his phone out at arm’s length, then looked to Oikawa and Ushijima.  “He wants to know where we are.”

“I don’t know where we are any more than you do!” Oikawa exclaimed.

“Well, I know if we don’t figure out where we are, how are we going to find Kuroo and Bokuto?”

“Maybe we’ll never find Kuroo and Bokuto!”

“You can’t just say that!”

“I can, too!  What if we never find them?  What if we never find our train home?  What if we have to stay here forever?  What if we get kidnapped by the aliens that live in the ancient tunnels below the station and are forced to live as their test subjects?  That might be cool, actually, but it would mean never seeing Iwa-chan again, which is just -”

“There’s a store with a plant on its sign,” Ushijima said.

“Okay, thank you,” Daichi told him.  He put his phone back to his ear.  “There’s a store with a plant on its sign?  If that helps?”

“Yeah, actually,” Kuroo replied.  “Is it a cactus, a tree, or does it kind-of look like weed?”

Daichi stared back at his friends in bewilderment.  “What does weed look like?”

Oikawa started snickering. “You don’t know?”

“Yes, I don’t know what weed looks like,” Daichi said defensively.  “You’d think that would be a good thing.”

“It looks like that,” Ushijima informed him, pointing.

Daichi breathed a sigh of relief.  “Weed,” he told Kuroo.

“Okay, so you’re not too far,” Kuroo said.  “Just go forward two - two or three more signs, then go left at the coffee place, and look for the newspaper shop next to … Next to the weird store with a bunch of lolita costumes.”

“And that’s where you are?” Daichi asked, just to clarify.

“It is.  You can’t miss us.”  Something about the tone of that last sentence sounded suspiciously cocky, but Daichi was too relieved to finally have some concrete instructions to follow to question it.

Daichi, Oikawa, and Ushijima proceeded forward three signs, left at the coffee place, then forward in the direction of the weird store with a bunch of lolita costumes, past several ATMs and a woman apparently trying to dictate an urgent email while simultaneously applying lipstick and walking faster in high heels than the three of them put together - and then, the meaning of Kuroo’s words became clearly evident.

In the center of Tokyo Station, there stood Kuroo and Bokuto, holding a cardboard sign with handwritten letters reading, “WELCOME NATIONAL HOT DAD CONFERENCE.”

They stood in the center of Tokyo Station - a public place, with a rich history, visited by thousands upon thousands of people every day - with a sign, a large sign , with enormous bold letters in bright pink, reading, “WELCOME NATIONAL HOT DAD CONFERENCE.”

And, as if that wasn’t enough already, they had a stroller. An actual, full-sized stroller. At this point, the recent arrivals wouldn’t have been surprised if Kuroo pulled a live baby out of his backpack.

Kuroo caught sight of them, and his cheeks puckered with the effort not to smile. Daichi had to work very hard not to explode. Oikawa started to laugh, and Ushijima pulled out his phone.

“HEY HEY HEY!” Bokuto shouted, once Kuroo nudged him and jerked his head towards the approaching group.  “THERE’S MY BROS!”  He stepped forward, holding his arms out in welcome.

“You,” Daichi started. Stopped. Tried again. “You did … this?  In a public place?

Kuroo grinned. “Yeah, we got a lot of weird looks from people. We figured they were probably wondering where our kids were, so we stole this.” He gave the stroller an experimental push. It limped on a half-detached wheel.

“You stole that, ” Daichi repeated.

“Yeah, from the lost and found.”

“You stole from the lost and found.

“Okay, so we’ve established that Kuroo and I are geniuses and the best welcoming committee ever,” Bokuto cut in.  “Now, can I please hug all of you guys before my arms fall off?”  He wiggled said arms a bit, grinning invitingly.

Daichi stared at him in a remarkable combination of shock and fatherly disappointment, and Oikawa was still giggling too hard to move, but Ushijima headed forward and wrapped his arms around the shorter captain.  Their hug was warm, strong, and comfortable, like two bears reuniting after a long winter of hibernation.

“You give good hugs, dude,” Bokuto told him, and thumped his back a few times.

“So do you,” Ushiwaka replied, and patted Bokuto’s shoulder awkwardly in return.

By that point, Daichi had recovered enough from his initial horror to request a hug from Bokuto as well.  He then hugged Kuroo, just to be fair, then Ushijima hugged Kuroo, then Bokuto hugged Kuroo, just because.  With all of this platonic public affection going on, it took them a moment to realize that Oikawa was out of sight.

Or, well, almost out of sight - a couple seconds of surveying the premises revealed the group’s resident alien enthusiast power-walking away in the direction of a bathroom sign.

Daichi’s face set with determination. “Okay, you all know what to do, right?”

“Of course,” said Kuroo, and Bokuto and Ushijima nodded in unison.

“Right.  Then, on my count - three, two, one -”

Forget public decency, forget composure - all traces of caring what anyone else in Tokyo Station cared about them flew out the window when four captains sprinted to catch a fifth, yelling at the tops of their lungs.  They had power and speed and brute force all on their side, and more than that, they had spirit - the determination not to give up even when all seems lost, to fight for their friends above all else.

Oikawa didn’t stand a chance.


“You know, I really did have to go to the bathroom,” Oikawa said once he had disentangled himself from the group hug, brushing his hair back into place.

“You went on the train barely fifteen minutes before we got off,” Daichi reminded him.

Oikawa pouted.  “So I have a small bladder!”

“There’s a bigger bathroom close to the exit we’re going out of,” Kuroo said.  “You can use that one if you really have to.”

Oikawa glanced down at his sneakers and mumbled something incomprehensible.

“What was that?” Kuroo asked.

“I said, I don’t really have to.”

Kuroo grinned.  “I thought so.”

The five captains, now properly assembled, headed out towards the exit, Kuroo leading the way.

“You really know your way around here,” Daichi remarked as they took a shortcut through one of the smaller terminals.

Kuroo shrugged.  “Yeah, well.  I did a project on this place for my art history class once.  It was pretty cool.”

“Art history class?” Oikawa repeated, stifling a giggle.

“Yeah.”  Kuroo looked back to cock an eyebrow at him.  “My high school had cool electives.  I don’t know what kind of stuff you learned about - classes in how to be a huge asshole, probably.”

“Okay, for the record, I took astronomy.”

“Right.  So, alien classes.”

After a solid minute in which Oikawa made increasingly emotional arguments about the legitimacy of aliens that they all had, to be honest, heard before, Kuroo spoke up again.  “Fun fact: job of designing this building was originally given to a European architect.  And he thought, big Japanese building, important for national unity, it should probably look kinda Japanese, right?  So he designed a Japanese-looking building, showed it to the Meiji government or whatever, they were like, ‘Nah, dude, that’s way too Japanese.’  And they fired him.  And then, here’s the best part - they gave the job to this Japanese dude, Tatsuno, who designed a more Western -looking building.  I think that’s fucking hilarious.  But it’s also really cool, because -”

“Kuroo, nobody wants to hear about your architectural facts,” Oikawa told him.

Kuroo paused and looked back at the rest of the group, frowning like a cat who had been robbed of its favorite patch of sunlight. “Nobody?  Really?”

“I want to hear about his architectural facts,” Ushijima said.

Kuroo grinned. “You can come walk up front with me.” He linked arms with Ushijima, who looked slightly nonplussed about it, and started walking again. “I knew we kept you around for a reason, Ushiwaka.”

“And before we leave,” Daichi put in, “we have to stop by the lost-and-found to give back that stroller.”

“Can’t we keep-”

No.


They emerged into the noise of downtown Tokyo, newly stroller-less and blinking slightly in the sunlight. Kuroo started heading towards the tiny parking section. "Our rides are - Daichi, where are you going?"

Daichi was walking purposefully across the crosswalk.

"Sawamura, you just got here, you can't leave already!" Bokuto called after him. “Man, what’s he doing?” he said to the rest of the group in a normal tone of voice.

"Oh," said Oikawa, "he saw a dog."

There was a chorus of understanding ohh s, and the other four captains moved over to the side of the path to watch Daichi as he reached the other side of the street.

"May I pet him?" Daichi asked the surprised-looking owner of the lean black hound, a tall woman with a black buzzcut.

"Uh, sure," she said, and Daichi knelt in front of the dog, rubbing its sides and ruffling its ears. The dog leaned up and into his hand, and Daichi made a quiet noise of delight.

"What's his name?"

"Um, Kevin."

"That's a great name. A great name for a great dog."

Daichi spent a few more seconds petting Kevin - who was, truly, an excellent dog in all respects - before standing back up, a soft smile on his face.

“Thank you,” he told the dog’s owner.  And he headed back across the street, to where-

He really should’ve expected some shenanigans to happen in his absence.

Kuroo and Bokuto had taken the opportunity to prolong the Dad Conference joke by putting on matching sunglasses. Not normal sunglasses, but wraparound sunglasses, the kind of sunglasses that should be advertised with lines like, “Are the dad jokes not just cutting it any more?  Does your dad feel the need to prove that he’s more than just a normal dad, he’s a cool dad?”

“Guys, the sign was funny, I admit that,” Oikawa was saying into his hands as Daichi approached, “but this is just embarrassing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kuroo replied.  He tilted his head back and put his hands on his hips, grinning like a smug fifty-five-year-old who just made an entirely unfunny pun.

“Yeah!” Bokuto added, beaming under his sunglasses.  He sauntered up to Kuroo, then imitated his pose, except with one arm raised and his index finger pointed at the sky.

Oikawa rolled his eyes and silently asked the gods for forgiveness for whatever he must’ve done wrong in a past life.  Ushijima appeared to be doing something on his phone a safe distance away.

“I don’t see the problem, actually,” Daichi said, approaching the rest of the group.  “I mean, I have the same pair.” He rifled through his backpack for a minute, then pulled out a pair of wraparound sunglasses identical to the ones Kuroo and Bokuto were wearing, albeit slightly more worn.

“They’re very durable,” he added, putting them on, “and they don’t fall off easily.  It’s great.”

Kuroo and Bokuto took one look at each other, then started laughing again.

“What?” Daichi asked.  “What’d I do?”

“This is the best day of my life,” Ushijima said to Oikawa.

Oikawa looked at him.  “That was a joke, right?”

Ushijima shook his head. “No.”

Oikawa stared for several seconds - about as long as it takes to serve an ace.  “I will never understand you,” he finally said.

Meanwhile, Kuroo and Bokuto seemed to have recovered enough to convey their thoughts through the medium of language.

“You’re a ... cool ... guy … Sawamura Daichi,” Bokuto managed, still snickering.

Kuroo nodded, then gasped.  “This is why you’re the perfect person to join our moped gang.”

Oikawa paled.

“Moped...gang?"

“Yeah,” Kuroo said.  He adjusted his sunglasses and then pointed to a few scooters parked illegally on the sidewalk.  “A small one, though. We figured it would be easier to take mopeds than to walk everywhere, but we only have three - mine and Bokuto’s, and then Kai, my vice captain, lent me his.”

Daichi was skeptical. “Someone lent you a moped?”

Kuroo gave him a wry grin. “You know, I’m actually pretty trustworthy.”

“I’d trust you with my life, bro!” Bokuto bounded ahead to the neon yellow moped, and picked up the helmet to jam it down over his spiky gray hair.

Kuroo followed at a more sedate pace. “I know, bro, I know.” He stopped next to the red moped and twirled his key ring around his finger, then cursed and dove after it as it flew off the tip. “So,” he continued when he had recovered it and stood up again, “one of you is going to have to drive.”

Daichi frowned. “I don’t have my moped license.”

“Not a problem,” Kuroo told him, passing around the spare helmets they’d brought.

“Yes it is. Oikawa, what about you?”

“I-” Oikawa was fidgeting. The rest of the group paused and stared at him. "I can drive, if we need me to."

"You seem nervous about it," observed Kuroo.

"I am not . It’s like riding a bike, isn’t it?"

“Oikawa, do you have your license?” Daichi asked.

Yes! ” Oikawa snapped.

“Can you show us?” Kuroo asked, with a sly glint in his eye.

“I-it’s not on me right now, okay - I have it, I just don’t-”

“Oikawa can’t drive?” Bokuto tilted his head sideways, and his helmet shifted down over one ear.

“I can ,” Oikawa insisted. He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. “I just don’t want to, okay?”

“Alright,” said Daichi agreeably.

Ushijima chose that moment to announce, “I have my moped license.”

Oikawa furrowed his brow. “Since when do you have anything useful like that?”

“I have found it convenient when I am overseas for tournaments,” Ushijima said.

The thought of Ushijima Wakatoshi solemnly rolling through New York City on a moped was too weird to dwell on. They moved past it quickly.

“In that case, Oikawa,” Kuroo said, his voice dripping with honey, “you have three options. Ride with me, ride with Ushiwaka, or ride with Bokuto.”

Oikawa gave him a look usually reserved for food that had grown mold in the back of the refrigerator. “Those are all terrible options.”

Bokuto pouted. “Aw, bro, I’m a great driver.”

“Of course you are,” said Oikawa. “So, Kuroo or Ushiwaka.” Ushijima, who had climbed onto the silver moped, looked up briefly at the mention of his name and then returned to examining the controls.

Kuroo raised an eyebrow. “You’re considering snuggling up to someone else over me? I’m hurt.”

Oikawa went over to Ushijima’s moped and swung his leg over the seat without a word.

“Aw, don’t be like that.” Mischief danced in Kuroo’s eyes. “You like me, remember?”

“I plead not guilty on the grounds of emotional duress,” Oikawa answered blithely, and Ushijima chose that moment to floor it.

“Suit yourself,” Kuroo said to the empty space where Ushijima’s moped had been, and turned to Daichi. “What about you, Sawamura? It’s either me or Bokuto.”

“Um…” Daichi looked back and forth between the two of them. Bokuto was going cross-eyed trying to tighten his helmet’s chinstrap. Kuroo was attempting to lean nonchalantly against his moped, but it wasn’t heavy enough to bear his weight, and his arms were shaking trying to maintain the awkward position. Neither option looked like someone he would entrust with his life.

“I’m a good driver!” Bokuto insisted, and then yelped as he caught his finger in the buckle.

“I can drive fine,” Kuroo added. His reassuring tone soothed Daichi’s nerves, and Daichi nodded firmly.

“Okay, you then.”


Kuroo certainly could drive fine. Daichi had absolute confidence that Kuroo was capable of safe, sensible driving.

Whether or not Kuroo would drive fine was a question he had not thought to ask himself. There were a lot of things Daichi wished he had thought to ask himself.

“Can you at least stop weaving in and out of traffic?” he asked Kuroo’s back, in a tone far too close to pleading for his own comfort.

Kuroo considered for a moment, and then happily told him, “No.” He was saved from Daichi’s incensed response by the light turning green, and the moped careened forward again. Daichi gripped his waist, buried his face in the back of Kuroo’s slightly sweaty t-shirt, and accepted the inevitability of death.

Next to them, Bokuto was trundling along at a smooth, regular pace. Carefully clicking on his turn signal and checking over his shoulder, he smoothly changed lanes, and took his eyes off the road for a moment to catch Daichi’s stare and wave cheerily at him. Ushijima and Oikawa’s moped was nowhere to be seen.

After some truly alarming maneuvers and Daichi whispering apologies under his breath to the angry honks around them, they slowed to a gradual stop. Too gradual.

“You stopped at that light too slowly,” Daichi said, with a note of hopelessness in his voice. Obligingly, Kuroo waited until long past the last second to brake for the next one, and then slammed on the brakes to the sound of Daichi’s incoherent yelling. The moped screeched to a halt a centimeter short of the white line.

Kuroo was doing a good job of hiding it, but Daichi could see his cheeks puffing up in a smile.

“You’re enjoying this,” he accused.

“Yes,” Kuroo agreed.

“How’s it going, Daichi?” Bokuto said, idling next to them.

Daichi groaned in response, and Kuroo laughed out loud.

“Why didn’t I ride with you, Bokuto?” Daichi asked piteously.

“I told you I was a good driver, bro!”

Daichi blinked. Shit , he had.

“Well-”

He was interrupted by Kuroo gunning it, and he tipped precariously to one side before locking his powerful thighs around the moped seat. As he was righting himself, he caught sight of something up ahead. He peered out from Kuroo’s back to take a closer look as they approached, and sure enough-

Daichi’s eyes widened, and he shrieked into Kuroo’s ear,

“STOP!”


Oikawa was only on the moped for about one millionth of a second before every instinct in his body told him to get off the moped.

Unfortunately, the moped was already on the move, weaving deftly in and out of traffic.  Normally, Oikawa was comfortable with fast - fast was what he did, fast was how he won - but something about this, hurtling through the crowded city on a flimsy piece of metal and plastic with one of his least favorite people in the entire world - this was distinctly not how he’d expected to spend his Saturday

“Are you okay?” Ushijima asked over his shoulder, with honest concern.

“Fuck you,” said Oikawa cheerfully, and then locked his arms around Ushijima’s waist and screamed into his shoulderblades.

Tokyo flew by in a blur of wind and sound, car horns and sirens and shouting kids.  Everything seemed louder to Oikawa with his eyes closed, as though he was riding through the middle of a thunderstorm - only instead of thunder and lightning and rain, he had a roaring moped, wind whipping through his hair, and his arch-nemesis, strangely steady in front of him.  Oikawa pretended, for a second, that it was Iwaizumi he was holding onto, Iwaizumi staying steady as the city flew by - but then he caught himself hugging closer and sat up suddenly, eyes startling open.

“You okay?” Ushijima asked again.

“Fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine,” Oikawa insisted.  He’d intended to squeeze his eyes shut once more, but they seemed stuck open in morbid fascination, and he caught himself staring - at buildings and advertisements and people, so many people, all moving so much faster and with so much more purpose than the people in his town.  He scanned the crowds of cars and bikes, seeking out the other two mopeds - Kuroo definitely wouldn’t be hard to spot, what with his bright red bike, and Bokuto would probably be yelling or something -

But much as Oikawa looked, there was no sign of bedhead or hooting.  Possibly even worse, Daichi, the only bastion of sanity among the lot of them, was also lost in the crowd.  What was Oikawa supposed to do, talk to Ushijima?  Right.  Sure.

“Stop fidgeting,” Ushijima said.  The moped slowed down at a light, and its driver turned back to examine Oikawa.

Oikawa started fidgeting more, just on principle.  “Do you see Kuroo and Daichi?  Or Bokuto?  I don’t see them.”

“I was following Kuroo,” Ushijima replied.  “But I think he turned a couple of lights back, I don’t know where.”

Oikawa worked very hard to restrain himself from screeching.  “How can you say that so calmly ?” he demanded instead. “Do you have any idea where we are?”

The light turned green, and Ushijima revved the engine as though they weren’t all alone in the middle of Tokyo.  “We’re on Prefectural Route 407.”

“Okay, but where are we going?”

“Further down Route 407, I presume.  The Tokyo Tower is that way.”  Ushijima indicated the road in front of them with his hand.

“Are you sure?”

Ushijima shrugged. His movement caused the moped to shift ever so slightly, and Oikawa cringed at the swaying.  Then, after a moment, he said, “I can pull over and we can look at a map, if you want.”

“Um.”  Oikawa’s instincts were all screaming to say no, fuck you, I don’t need anything from you, if you get me lost I’ll fucking destroy you.

“If you don’t mind,” he said.

“I don’t.”

And, as easily as that, Ushijima turned left at the next light, pulled into a side-street, then parked the moped on the curb.  He waited until Oikawa climbed down, legs strangely shaky, before dismounting himself.  Ushijima sat down on the curb, reached for his water bottle, and started to drink it down.

“Hydration is important,” he said, when he caught Oikawa staring.

“I - I know that,” Oikawa replied, weirdly angry.

A car honked out on the street they’d just left.  Someone shouted a curse.

“Oikawa,” Ushijima said.

“Yeah?”

“Why are you so uncomfortable with me?”

Oikawa started to deny it - prepared to concoct excuses, fictions - but he looked at Ushijima, and all of his creative fabrications fell away like exhaustion after a victory.  Oikawa had always prided himself on his ability to perceive the other team’s strategy, stay one step ahead, but Ushijima was blunt and honest in a way he’d never been able to quite figure out.

“You’ve beaten me,” Oikawa said carefully, “so many times.  Eight times, and that’s just in official matches.  There’re also practice matches, and indirect victories, and psychological warfare, and on top of that you saying I should’ve come to Shiratorizawa like it’s that fucking easy, and -”

“I didn’t realize you cared so much.”  Ushijima took another drink of his water, then set the bottle down on the curb beside him.  He stared straight ahead at the buildings across the street - apartment buildings, a laundromat, a tiny grocery store.

“Of course I care!”  Oikawa tried not to shout, but his raised voice still echoed against the concrete walls.  “I worked hard!  I worked so hard!  I wanted to go to nationals, just like you did!”

Ushijima shrugged.  “Going to nationals isn’t that great.  All the teams are very, very good.  The games are all exhausting.”

Oikawa spun around to face Ushijima and pointed an angry index finger at him.  “You’re lying.  You loved going to Nationals.”

A moment passed, then Ushijima admitted, “I did.”  He stretched his legs out in front of him.  “But I never understood why you thought you’d be able to go.  Seijoh was never the strongest.”

“It’s not - it’s not always about being the strongest.”  Oikawa breathed in, breathed out.  Paced back and forth in the street.  “It’s about making yourself the strongest.  Trying even though you know you aren’t the strongest.  I mean, how do you think Karasuno beat you?”

“I suppose you’re right,” Ushijima conceded.  “Karasuno accomplished something I never expected.  Perhaps I have been unfair to you.”

Oikawa started to say something, a victorious smirk half-formed on his face - but Ushijima went on.

“But all of the years we’ve known each other, I’ve only told you what I believe.  I don’t understand why you would hate or exclude me.”

“We were rivals!” Oikawa exclaimed.

“We were?”

“You didn’t think so?”

“I don’t have rivals,” Ushijima said truthfully.  “There are only people I play against and people I play with.  Sometimes those people are the same.  Sometimes they aren’t.”

A car honked, out on the main street.  A couple of kids sprinted out of the grocery store, one of them chasing the other.  The first girl reached a corner, stopped, then tagged her friend as she barrelled around it.

“I’m,” Oikawa said.  He stopped pacing, and looked directly at Ushijima.  “I’m.  Sorry if I was.  Unfair.  I guess … I’ve always resented your ability more than I’ve resented you.”

Ushijima nodded.

Then, he said, “I do admire you.”

Oikawa’s cheeks went red.  “Is - is that a joke?”

“No.”  Ushijima shook his head.  “You work hard.  At volleyball, school, talking to people - everything.  I hadn’t known how much time you spent practicing - even more than I do.”

“And you … realized?”

“Iwaizumi told me.”

“Iwa-chan.”  Oikawa’s eyes widened like a cartoonish alien.  “You talk to Iwa-chan?”

Ushijima shrugged.  “Sometimes.  We had two or three Skype conversations.  About volleyball, mostly.  His idea.”

Oikawa sat down on the curb next to Ushijima, so that their knees were almost touching.  “He’s too good for me, really,” he admitted in a small voice.  “I don’t know what I’ll do without him next year.”

Ushijima nodded again, then said, “Talk to me about it.”

And easily, simply, like a dam finally breaking or a quick set finally clicking, Oikawa talked.  He talked about how Iwaizumi would text him not to forget his homework, even though they were both supposedly responsible third-years.  He talked about how Iwaizumi would stay after practice with him, day after day, practicing quicks and spikes and serves until their palms were raw.  He talked about how Iwaizumi would go grocery shopping with him for team parties, arguing over how many bags of chips they should buy and laughing when terrible songs came on the grocery store radio.  He talked about how Iwaizumi would tell him what he needed to hear when he didn’t know he needed to hear it.  He talked about missing Iwaizumi - missing him next year, missing every moment they weren’t spending together, missing him even as he was right there.  He talked about how he couldn’t quite imagine life without Iwaizumi - without someone at his back, at his side, piecing him back together when he shattered.

After a while, Oikawa fell silent, deeply lost in thought. Ushijima was quiet next to him. He was almost on the verge of telling Ushijima what Iwaizumi had said that past Valentine’s Day, promises still ringing in his ears, when-

“I know the way to Tokyo Tower,” Ushijima said.

“What?” Oikawa asked, confused.

Ushijima held up his phone.  “Google Maps.  Has directions.”

“Oh.”

Ushijima stood up, and Oikawa followed.  They both got back on the moped, returning to their former position as though nothing had happened.

But then, right before he started the engine, Ushijima said, “Oikawa.”

“Yeah?”

“I think you and Iwaizumi are going to be fine.”

Oikawa didn’t answer, and the rest of the ride passed quietly, smoother and calmer than the way there. The only sound besides the ambient city was the voice of Google Maps, and soon enough, they were pulling up to a small parking lot in the shadow of the colossal Tokyo Tower. In the end, they hadn’t been that far away.

“Just find the other two mopeds and park next to them,” Oikawa directed as they pulled into the lot. In a gesture of uncharacteristic benevolence, he rested his cheek against Ushijima’s back and closed his eyes. The emotional exertion had drained him too much to care.

“Okay,” Ushijima said.

Several minutes passed.

“Ushiwaka, are you lost again?”

“No,” Ushijima said.

“Then why have we been driving around this small parking lot for…” Oikawa raised his head to check his watch. “Twelve minutes?”

“There are no mopeds here,” Ushijima said.

“What? Pull over.”

Ushijima obliged, and Oikawa climbed off the moped, stretching his arms above his head and kicking his legs to shake strength back into them. He glanced around the lot. Sure enough, there were cars and some bicycles, but no trace of Kuroo, Bokuto, and Daichi.

Oikawa frowned. “Do you think they went up without us?” An even worse thought occurred to him. “Do you think they already went up and came down and left?”

“Probably,” Ushijima replied, still sitting on the moped.

What?! Really?!”

“No.”

“Ugh,” Oikawa said, without any real malice. He flopped down in the sparse grass at the edge of the parking lot, squinting up at the sun high overhead. “Ushiwaka, we’re stranded.”

“Mm.”

“We’re going to have to forage for food and shelter.” He heaved a deep, prolonged sigh. “Stuck in the labyrinth of Tokyo forever, because the only people who know their way around have left us for the vultures.”

“You could message the group.”

“...oh.”

1:08 P.M.

perfectkawa ✌: where are you guys
perfectkawa ✌: did you ditch me with ushiwaka
ur favorite lolcat: where are YOU
perfectkawa ✌: tokyo tower???
ur favorite lolcat: it took you this long?
perfectkawa ✌: ok kuroo-chan you STILL arent here so
ur favorite lolcat: we uh
ur favorite lolcat: had to pull over
perfectkawa ✌: because of your shitty driving skills?
ur favorite lolcat: NO
perfectkawa ✌: then why???
ur favorite lolcat: um

“Oh my god, he's so excited."

The labrador retriever was prancing around Daichi’s legs, pressing itself against the famed thighs and entangling him in its leash, which he looked thoroughly delighted about. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, the pale teenage boy attached to its leash looked pleased at Daichi’s words. "Thanks. He's a handful, but it's worth it."

"I do!” Daichi reached out to pat the dog’s head, and instead got a palmful of cold, wet nose that snuffled with excitement against his hand. He grinned like a fool. “What's his name?"

"Radiation," said the boy.

"A really good name," Daichi murmured. "You're a good dog, you know that?"

"Daichi," said Kuroo from where he and Bokuto were standing to the side, "you've got a problem."

"The only problem here is that you're not petting this dog with me," Daichi told him without looking away from the dog. "Such a good dog..."

"I'll pet the dog with you, bro!" Bokuto approached the small group and squatted down, holding a hand out to Radiation, which the black lab licked excitedly. "Oh, man, that's gross!" He snorted out laughter as the dog licked with even more enthusiasm.

"That's probably been on his butt, you know," Kuroo said, wrinkling his nose a little.

"You're missing out, bro, this is a great dog here."

"Bokuto is right," Daichi put in, now entirely entangled in Radiation's leash and grinning hugely.

Kuroo just shook his head and pulled out his phone to reply to the chat.

1:13 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: daichi saw a dog and made me pull over
ur favorite lolcat: and now he’s dragged bokuto into petting it with him
perfectkawa ✌: oh
ur favorite lolcat: well be there as soon as possible just sit tight for now
ur favorite lolcat: you and ushiwaka can play truth or dare or something
perfectkawa ✌: ha ha, you’re hilarious. wonderful joke. i am laughing so hard right now.


“Truth,” Oikawa said confidently. “Do your worst.”

Ushijima considered for a moment. “Um… Do you have any spiking advice for me?”

Oikawa blinked. “What?”

“Do you have any spiking advice for me?” Ushijima repeated. “Areas for improvement?”

Oikawa huffed in irritation. “Ushiwaka, that’s not how Truth or Dare works.”

“But I would like to know,” Ushijima said. “And we won’t be playing against each other every year anymore, so telling me will have no negative impact on you.”

“No, it’s the principle of the matter,” Oikawa argued.

“You know a lot about my playing style,” Ushijima urged him. “And you have a good eye for these things.”

“I - I do? Wait, no, you can’t flatter me into spilling secrets!”

“You said the point of this game was to spill secrets,” Ushijima said reproachfully.

The rapidly worsening situation was thankfully cut off by the arrival of two mopeds pulling into the parking lot. Oikawa and Ushijima got to their feet, and Oikawa waved Kuroo over to them. Kuroo and Bokuto parked their two scooters, and Daichi immediately half-fell off the back of Kuroo’s, yanking his helmet off and staggering a few steps.

Oikawa gave him a questioning look. “Daichi, are you okay?”

“This guy’s a terrible driver,” Daichi said, jerking a thumb at Kuroo, who looked entirely too smug. “There was a dog in the middle of it, so it was okay, but I thought we were going to die.”

“We didn’t die,” added Bokuto unnecessarily.

“I’m sure you were fine,” Oikawa told Daichi. “Can we go in now?”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go.”


Before they reached the elevators, Ushijima caught sight of the One Piece store, and asked Daichi if they could stop for souvenirs. Daichi agreed, sent Bokuto and Oikawa ahead to wait in line for tickets, and waited just inside the entrance while Ushijima went into the shop with Kuroo trailing after him.

“I am going to get something for Satori. He likes One Piece,” Ushijima explained to Kuroo as he knelt down in front of the keychain rack.

“Yeah, you mentioned it.” Kuroo, who was slightly out of his element, leaned against a stand of manga volumes, then lurched upright in surprise and barely caught the cardboard display as it began to fall under his weight.

Ushijima looked up at him, frowning in slight confusion. “When did I do that?”

“During the Skype call before graduation.” Kuroo carefully set the display upright again, and immediately bumped it with his elbow, knocking several volumes to the floor. He knelt down with a sigh and began to gather them up.

“Oh,” said Ushijima. “I don’t remember.” He picked out a Chopper keychain and went over to the register, where Daichi was waiting in line with a yellow straw hat decorated with a red ribbon.

“I didn’t know you enjoyed One Piece, Daichi.”

Daichi shook his head. “To be honest, I don’t really know what anything in this store means. But they had a bunch of these hats, and I think it suits me, don’t you?” he asked, putting the hat on his head.

“It’s very stylish,” Ushijima agreed.


Daichi frowned at the tickets from under the brim of his straw hat. “So… There’s a main observatory, and then a special observatory a lot higher, and we’re going to both?”

“Yup!” said Bokuto cheerfully.

“Alright.” Daichi handed out a ticket to each member of the group. “Make sure you keep track of your ticket. And stay close, I don’t want anyone to get lost.”

“Will do,” said Kuroo and Oikawa said in unison. Surprised, they turned to stare at each other, one looking thoroughly amused, the other horrified.

“Kids, let’s go,” Daichi interrupted. “It’s our turn.”

Behind Daichi’s back, Kuroo raised a concerned eyebrow at Bokuto, who flashed him a reassuring smile. Oikawa gave them both a curious look, but didn’t say anything as they filed into the elevator.


Ten minutes later, Oikawa had figured out exactly why Kuroo had been worried. With Bokuto cowering back as far from the glass floor as possible, it would’ve been difficult to miss.

“So,” said Oikawa, standing next to him as the other three captains stared down through the glass in morbid fascination, “you planned for us to come to Tokyo Tower, but you’re scared of heights?”

“I thought it would be nice for you guys,” Bokuto mumbled. In front of them, Ushijima knelt down on the glass and peered through it up-close. Bokuto looked queasier by the second. “Been like this since I was a kid.”

Oikawa patted his arm. “It’s okay. It’s only, like, a hundred and fifty meters down?”

Bokuto made a noise like a dying peacock.

On the glass, Daichi was stepping carefully, looking down at his feet in slight awe. “We’re so tall…”

“Scared, Sawamura?” Kuroo asked, with the same sly smile he had worn every time the two of them did their traditional bone-crunching handshake before matches.

Daichi rolled his eyes. “As if. You’re more likely to be scared than I am.”

“That’s a lie,” Kuroo sing-songed.

“Yeah? Would you do this?” Daichi stomped on the glass, hard, and grunted with approval of his own bravery. Ushijima was lying all the way down by now, craning his neck to see as much of the city as possible.

Kuroo grinned. “Is that a challenge?” Taking a solid stance on the glass, he jumped, getting some pretty good height, and then landed hard. Bokuto buried his face in the sleeve of Oikawa’s jacket and whimpered a little.

“When you guys are done with your dick-measuring contest,” Oikawa called over to them, “we have another level to get to.”

“Right. Sorry.” Daichi looked slightly embarrassed, but not too embarrassed to thump his foot one more time on the glass. In return, Kuroo purposefully jostled him in the shoulder.

Ushijima got up and brushed the dust off his knees, and then noticed Bokuto. “Is he okay?”

“He’s scared of heights,” Kuroo explained, coming up behind the rest of the group.

Daichi looked alarmed. “Bokuto, are you going to be okay? We can go back down if you want. I mean that.”

“I’ll be okay,” came Bokuto’s muffled voice through Oikawa’s sweater. His miserable tone told a different story.

“He said at the bottom he’d be fine,” Kuroo muttered. “Dumb owl.”

“It would’ve been more helpful if you three hadn’t been jumping around on the glass floor,” Oikawa informed them with a sunny smile. They looked properly abashed.

Bokuto peeked out from Oikawa’s sleeve, having regained some color in his face. “Seriously, guys, I’ll be fine! As long as I’m not too near the edge and stuff.”

“If you’re sure,” Daichi said, looking thoroughly unconvinced.


Despite Daichi’s misgivings, Bokuto was true to his word. In the upper observation deck, he stayed close to the middle while the rest of the group wandered around the edges, and all was well.

“This is so cool,” Daichi whispered as the four of them paused at the railing and stared westward.

“It really is,” Kuroo whispered back.

“Why are we whispering?” Ushijima asked in a stage-whisper, approximately ten times louder than his friends’.

“I don’t know, dude, but I feel it,” Kuroo whispered, more quietly.

“Okay,” Ushijima replied.

“Can you guys shut up for a second?” Oikawa asked at normal speaking volume, fiddling with his phone.  “I’m trying to get a good shot for Instagram.”

Tokyo stretched out beneath them, buildings glittering in the sunlight.  It was a city of silver and glass, all high-rises and skyscrapers reaching up like a thousand little giants trying to touch the sun.  Cars sped down the freeways in swarms, planes thundered overhead, and people were moving through the streets - too small to see from three hundred meters in the air, but down there, somewhere, people were going places, and meeting each other, and learning, and laughing, and giving, and growing together.

“Hey, I can see my house from here!” Kuroo exclaimed, pointing to one of the suburbs sprawling out to the west.

Daichi tried to follow his finger for a good ten seconds before he realized that Kuroo was kidding. He frowned at Kuroo, who smiled back at him with too much glee to be really angry at.

“What does your house look like, Kuroo?” Ushijima asked.

“It’s nothing special.” Kuroo shrugged. “Small - one floor, four rooms - just enough space for my mom and me.  Man, I’m gonna miss my bed, though. It’s way bigger and more comfortable than that shit they give you at the university.”

“Where are you going to college?” Oikawa wondered, slipping his phone into his pocket and approaching the window to stand next to his friend.

“I didn’t tell you?”

“He’s going to Keio University!” Bokuto called from the center of the room.

Kuroo turned around. “Bro, you sure you don’t want to come over here?” he asked.

“Nah, I’m good! You guys keep talking!”

Oikawa shook his head, amused at Bokuto’s enthusiasm at a distance.  “Keio, really?” he asked, turning back to Kuroo.  “I thought that was a science school.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“What about all your …” Oikawa trailed off.

Kuroo looked at him.  “My what?”

“Your, I don’t know. Shakespeare. And architecture facts. I thought you would’ve gone somewhere to study literature or something.”

“I mean, I’d love to,” Kuroo admitted.  He breathed onto the glass, then reached out and traced the outline of a skyscraper with his finger.  “I’d love to be a teacher, or something.  But the program I really wanted to join didn’t accept me, and Keio gave me a good scholarship, and, I don’t know, I’ve always thought chemistry was cool, so.”  He shrugged, and dropped his hand to his side, and the drawing faded as quickly as he’d made it. “I’ll be fine.”

A moment passed, then Oikawa nodded. “Cats always land on their feet, right?”

“Exactly.” Kuroo grinned. “What about you? Where’re you going?”

“Tsukuba,” Oikawa replied. “For law, probably. But I got recruited.”

“Recruited? Really? Dude, that’s great.” Kuroo held out his hand for a fist-bump.

Oikawa accepted, returning his friend’s grin. “Iwa-chan’s staying closer to home, which is gonna suck, but I’m really excited. They have a setter right now who’s top ten in the nation, but he’s going to be a third year next year, so I can totally take him.”

“Definitely,” Kuroo agreed. “Don’t kill yourself doing it, though.”

“Hey, I got recruited, too!” Bokuto called.

“Everyone and their cat knows you got recruited!” Kuroo shouted back.  “Chuo University, best in the nation, destroys other schools with its awesomeness -”

“Hell yeah!”

Oikawa spun around.  “Wait, you got recruited to Chuo ?   Damn.

“I know, right?” Bokuto replied, beaming. He moved closer to the rest of the group, although he still carefully avoided looking out the windows.

Kuroo rolled his eyes.  “Don’t feed his ego.”

“I’ll feed anyone’s ego I want.”

“Will you feed my ego?” Ushijima asked, returning from the other side of the observation deck, where he had been investigating the eastward view.

Oikawa just glared at him.

“Does your ego really need to be fed, Ushiwaka?” Bokuto asked.  “Or, wait - that was a joke.”

Ushijima nodded, and Bokuto crowed with delight.

“It really doesn’t, though,” Oikawa said, pouting.  “ He got recruited by Juntendo as a new starter.  And he hasn’t even gone there yet!”

“Dude!” Bokuto exclaimed.  “Isn’t that in Tokyo?”

Ushijima tilted his head sideways, thinking. “I believe so.”

Bokuto pointed at himself, grinning widely. “ I’m going to school in Tokyo!”

“Great,” Oikawa said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Everyone’s going to school in Tokyo. Everyone got recruited as a wing spiker.  Everyone’s so cool.”

“You also got recruited,” Ushijima told him. “And I lost my spot at Chuo after Shiratorizawa failed to get to nationals last year.”

“Oh,” Oikawa said.

Bokuto winced.

Ushijima just looked out the window, staring up at the cloudless blue sky.

“Still, Juntendo is good,” Kuroo said, a little too loudly. “Everyone got fancy volleyball scholarships except me and Daichi - wait, where is Daichi?”

“He’s over there.” Ushijima pointed. “Looking for dogs or something.”

They looked - and there, indeed, Daichi was, face pressed to the window, scanning a park three hundred meters beneath him.

“You’re not going to be able to see individual dogs from up here,” Oikawa said as the group came up behind him.

“Not with that attitude,” Daichi replied, his head not moving from its position.

“Daichi, you’re going to hurt your eyes,” Kuroo said.

Ushijima stepped forward, pressed his own face against the window for a few seconds, then pointed.  “There’s one.”

Daichi looked, then kind of yelled a little. “Yeah! There is! What a good dog!”

“I think they had binoculars available by the elevator,” Ushijima told him.

Sixty seconds later, Ushijima and Daichi were peering at the dog through pairs of borrowed binoculars. “Hello there,” Daichi said aloud, sounding absurdly pleased. The dog was sitting up straight next to its smiling, grey-haired owner, watching two toddlers who were presumably the owner’s grandchildren running around the playground with an alert and serious face.

“It’s a Rottweiler, I think,” said Ushijima. The dog was black with splotches of tan. Its ears were perky, and as they watched, it got to its feet and trotted towards the two kids, nosing them firmly away from the big-kid jungle gym and herding them back towards the sandbox.

“Ohhhh.” Daichi sighed happily. “A really good dog.”

“Can I have a look?” Ushijima asked, and Daichi handed him his binoculars.

As Ushijima examined the dog, Daichi addressed Kuroo and Bokuto, accusatory.  “I can’t believe you guys never told me Tokyo had so many good dogs.  If I’d known, I would’ve come and visited ages ago.”

“But now you have a reason to visit me and Ushiwaka next year!” Bokuto exclaimed.

Daichi tore his eyes away from the dog to look at Bokuto.  “You’re going to be in Tokyo next year?”

“Yeah, at Chuo University.  I got recruited!  For volleyball!  And Ushiwaka did, too!”

“Bokuto, that’s incredible! Well done!”

Bokuto grinned, standing up a little straighter. Kuroo could practically feel his ego doubling in size, and rolled his eyes in annoyance that barely masked his pride in his friend’s accomplishment.

“Daichi, where are you going to school?” he asked.

Daichi turned back to the window.  “Oh, I’m going to Miyagi University - you probably wouldn’t have heard of it, it’s just the public university in our prefecture. But it has a good business program, and if I work all four years and summers, I can afford it.  Plus, Suga got into the school of education there, so we’re planning to get an apartment together…”

The rest of the group fell silent.

Daichi turned around to face his friends - they all carefully avoided his gaze like a poorly-planned game of hide and seek.

“What?” he asked, planting his hands on his hips.  “Is going to a public university really so shameful?  I know I’m not as good an athlete as you guys, but-”

“No, it’s not that.” Bokuto shook his head.

“Then … what is it?”

A moment passed in silence. Across the observatory deck, a kid shouted that he felt really tall.

“We’re jealous,” Oikawa admitted.

“Jealous?” Daichi repeated, confused. “Why would you be …”

“You’re staying close to home,” Kuroo said. “Not going too far from your school.”

“You can go to your team’s matches,” Bokuto added.

And even Ushijima spoke up: “You’re getting an apartment with Suga.” He fiddled with the Chopper keychain in his hand, expression unreadable.

“Oh,” Daichi said, helplessly.  “But I’m… I’m not going into a really good school, or playing on a nationally ranked team, or…”

Ushijima looked up, meeting Daichi’s gaze.  “That isn’t always important.”

“Living with your boyfriend…” Oikawa trailed off wistfully.  “Do you have any idea how good that sounds? It might be years until Iwa-chan and I can do that.”

Daich rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know, my parents were worried about it. They thought it would prevent me from making friends in college or something.”

Oikawa shook his head. “Bullshit.”

“Yeah,” Bokuto agreed. “Bull. Shit.”

“Bro, aren’t you still living in the same city as Akaashi, though?” Kuroo asked. “It’s not like you’re moving halfway across the country.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same .” Bokuto’s voice rose, as though someone had turned up the volume on a stereo.  “He said we could still practice all the time, but I’m going to be trying not to fail my classes, and he’s going to be running the team and applying to schools and… What if I’m not a good volleyball player without him? Like, if I go into dejected mode and I just stay there forever? Or if I’m an awful ace for my new team?  What if-”

“Bro. Bro,” Kuroo interrupted him. “Come here.” He patted the handrail next to him, and Bokuto’s eyes widened. He took a step back instinctively.

“What?” His voice was sharp with panic.  “You know I’m - I mean, I’m fine, I’m fine - but -”

Kuroo shook his head.  “Come here,” he repeated.

Bokuto stared at Kuroo, then at the window.  His eyes were very wide.

“It’s okay,” Daichi assured him. “The glass won’t break.”

Oikawa grinned. “Like, seriously, it would beat Iwa-chan in an arm-wrestling match, and nothing beats Iwa-chan in an arm-wrestling match.”

Bokuto took one hesitant step forward, then stopped, paralyzed.

“You don’t have to if you really don’t want to,” Kuroo added, “but I want to show you something.”

Ushijima reached out his hand.

Bokuto took it.

He walked forward slowly.  One step.  Two steps.  Three steps.  Twenty steps, and - Bokuto stood, staring at his feet and squeezing Ushijima’s hand in a death grip - and then, centimeter by centimeter, he raised his face to the glass.

His friends burst out in excited noise - Oikawa whooped, Daichi applauded, and Kuroo thumped his best friend on the back with a stream of delighted congratulations. Even Ushijima murmured a quiet, “Well done.”

“Okay,” Bokuto said, sucking in and letting out a long, shuddery breath. “Okay. What do you want to show me?”

“Look,” Kuroo replied, pointing towards the window.

“What am I looking at?”

“Look.”

And Bokuto looked - at the skyscrapers below them, at the miniature trees, at the postage-stamp parks, at the huge blue sky curving over them.

“There’s so… much,” he said.

Kuroo cleared his throat. “Tokyo was the biggest city in the world, once.  During the Tokugawa period.  Or, I mean, it was Edo then, but there were one million people -”

“Kuroo, nobody wants to hear your dumb nerd facts,” Oikawa reminded him sweetly.

“Right.”  Kuroo turned back to Bokuto, then pointed at the streets three hundred meters below. “The point is. Look at all of those people.”

Bokuto closed his eyes for a second, breathed, gripped Ushijima’s hand tighter, then followed instructions.  “Okay.  I’m - I’m looking.”

“One day,” Kuroo told him, “they’re all gonna know who you are.”

Bokuto leaned on the railing, watching the tiny humans below scurry through the streets. “Are you sure?”

“Sure, I’m sure.  Have I ever lied to you?”

“Yeah. Bro, yesterday, you said -”

“Have I ever lied to you when it was important ?”

“Dude, Fruit Ninja is so important.”

Kuroo gave him a look.

“Okay, no,” Bokuto conceded.

“And I’m not lying now,” Kuroo said. “You’re gonna be famous. The next big thing since thigh-high fishnets.”

Bokuto stared at his friend, then started to giggle. “Dude, you’re so gay.

Kuroo’s face went red. “Okay, yes, but that’s not the-”

“He’s right, Bokuto,” Oikawa put in. “Your hey hey hey s are going to be on every TV in the world someday.”

“And the sounds of your spikes slamming into gym floors,” Daichi added, not to be outdone.

Ushijima nodded, squeezing Bokuto’s hand. “The biggest courts in the world are waiting for us.”

Bokuto looked at each of his friends in turn - and then a look of wonder came across his face, as though he’d never quite realized how wide his heart stretched.

“I’m gonna be famous,” he whispered. He stepped forward to the window and pressed his forehead against the glass, an exhilarated grin spreading across his face. “Famous , guys.”

Daichi joined him, grinning. “We’re all gonna be famous.”

“Famous and smoking hot,” Kuroo said, stepping up next to Daichi.

“Famous and unconquerable,” Ushijima added, standing forward on Bokuto’s other side.

Oikawa completed the row. “They’ll want to bow at our feet,” he proclaimed, throwing his arms out to either side with wicked delight.

Everyone else cast a sidelong glance at him.

Oikawa dropped his arms. “Too much?”

“Too much,” Daichi confirmed.

Oikawa leaned forward, pressed his face against the glass, and closed his eyes.

“They’ll never see us coming,” he whispered.

The five captains stood poised on top of Tokyo - the top of the world - and staring down upon the cars and the trains and the people and the city, all thrumming beneath them like a sleeping dragon almost ready to wake up. A few seconds, minutes, hours passed in silence too big for words, with the conversations of the other tourists fading into a dull roar in the background.

Finally, Bokuto’s stomach broke the spell, with a loud, demanding growl.

“Guys,” he said, plaintively. Slowly, they stirred and came back to earth, shaking the haze from their minds.

Daichi was the first to step back from the window, turning to his friends.  “Time to eat?” he asked.

They all nodded, vehemently.


The booth was definitely too small.

Kuroo, Bokuto, and Oikawa were all crammed onto one side, Daichi and Ushijima on the other. Oikawa was smushed between Kuroo and the corner of the booth, and the two had been engaged in a quiet but vicious elbowing war since the moment they sat down. Legs battled for space beneath the table, arms nearly toppled water glasses every five seconds above it. Their waitress had stopped by three times now to ask if they weren’t sure they wanted to switch to a bigger table, but they kept insisting they were fine. By the time Bokuto knocked the bottle of soy sauce onto the clean white tablecloth, she just sighed and silently added five dollars to their bill.

And, as though the crowding wasn’t enough, the captains were also the loudest party in the restaurant by far.  They shouted, they bickered, and, at one point, they even cheered.  Nobody else around them particularly wanted to know why.

After allowing them several minutes to look through the menus (with the exception of Daichi, they didn’t), the waitress approached again, pulling a pencil and pad out of her apron and eyeing the table of noisy teenage boys with trepidation. “So, what would you all like?” she asked, raising her voice a little to be heard.

“Guys,” Daichi said.  “Guys!”

“Dude, can’t you see we’re in the middle of a critical arm-wrestling match right now?” Bokuto asked. Ushijima nodded, not looking up from where he and Bokuto were straining at each other’s forearms.

Meanwhile, in their corner, Oikawa and Kuroo had forgotten their elbow war and were intently coloring, sharing a kids’ menu that someone had left on their table. “You can’t do that, clouds are supposed to be left white ,” Oikawa insisted.

“What if I want the clouds to be red?” Kuroo replied.

Why would you want the clouds to be red ?”

Daichi looked at the waitress.

She shrugged. “I can come back later, if you want.”

“I don’t really think that’ll make much of a difference,” Daichi replied. “Here, let me just …”  He picked up a menu, examined it for a moment, then said, “We’ll take three orders of dumplings, one tuna roll, one california roll, a bowl of edamame, and five bowls of ramen - one chicken, two pork, one beef, and one shrimp. Oh, and wonton soup for everyone.”

The waitress scrawled everything down, then nodded.  “It’ll be about twenty minutes.”

“Okay.  Thank you.” With deftness that only a man trained in receives could possess, Daichi wound his way in between the various forms of chaos around him, collected every menu on the table, and handed them to the waitress.

She headed back to the kitchen, and Daichi turned back to the table to find the other four captains staring at him.  “What?”

“Did you just… order for us?” Oikawa asked slowly.

“You weren’t going to do it,” Daichi replied.  He leaned back in the booth and pulled out his phone - there were texts from Suga to answer.


“Alright, we need to leave a big tip,” Daichi announced.  

Empty dishes littered the table, rice bowls stacked inside of ramen bowls stacked on top of sushi plates.  They had once contained food, it was certain, but where all of that food had gone, it was difficult to say.  Maybe the five boys sitting around the table had performed a vanishing act.  Maybe they had expanding stomachs that allowed them to only eat once every five years.

Maybe they were just incredibly hungry.

No, too implausible.

“A big tip?” Oikawa repeated.

Daichi nodded.  “A big tip.  Actually, not just a big tip - an enormous tip.”

“As big as my biceps?” Bokuto asked.

Daichi donned his best competitive grimace.  “Bigger.”

“But why?” Kuroo wanted to know.  “Have we been rude customers?”

Stormclouds descended upon the restaurant booth.  Thunder rolled in.  Lightning began to crackle.

Or, wait - that was all just Daichi’s face.

Oikawa shrieked.  Bokuto yelled.  Kuroo tried to push back his chair, then remembered he was in a booth seat, and settled for slipping down in the seat until only the top of his head was visible above the table.

“We’re going to leave an enormous tip,” Daichi repeated.

“Daichi, is this what the underclassmen at Karasuno call your scary captain mode?” Ushijima asked, barely looking up from his phone.

“Yeah,” Daichi said, surprised enough to snap out of his terrifying demeanor, if only for a moment.  “How do you know about that?”

Ushijima shrugged.  “I know about a lot of things.”

“I can’t argue with that.”  Daichi started to reach for his wallet, then caught sight of Kuroo, Bokuto, and Oikawa trying to slink away through the back of the restaurant.  “Hey!  Assholes!  Get back here!” he shouted.

“Make us!” Oikawa retorted.  Bokuto stuck out his tongue.

Daichi glared at them, then held up his hand, fingers splayed out.  “I’m going to count backwards from five,” he said.  “And when I get to one, I need you three to be back here, with your wallets out, prepared to contribute at least fifteen hundred yen to this tip.  Five.  Four.  Three. …”

The tip they eventually left was about seventy percent of the total bill.  All of the restaurant employees involved agreed that that was about fair.

And, a few minutes (and several bathroom trips) later, the captains emerged into the long sunrays of late afternoon, food settling pleasantly in their stomachs and wallets considerably lighter than they’d been that morning.

“So, where to now?” Oikawa asked.

Everyone looked at Kuroo.

“Why does everyone assume I know what’s going on?” he asked. “I’m not a walking map, I’m just a guy with some knowledge of Tokyo. And art history.”

Everyone continued looking at Kuroo.

“...Actually, there is a cool memorial not far from here,” he admitted. “With a little park. There might be…more dogs there.”

Bokuto grinned and thumped his friend on the back.  “Knew we could count on you, bro.”

“Lead on,” said Oikawa breezily, and he did.


“What is this building?” Daichi asked.

“Dunno, but it looks cool as fuck,” Bokuto answered.

“He wasn’t asking you,” Ushijima said.

The captains stood at the start of a concrete walkway, leading to the front of a building that looked like someone had taken a Buddhist temple, stretched it out, and added stupas to the top.  It had multiple roofs colored light green, the first extending low and curved at the ends like a mustache, and the second two more pointed, built on top of each other.  The entrance was flanked by rectangular columns and guarded by small statues.  And behind the building, a grove of cherry blossom trees were in full bloom, branches reaching out and up.

“Oh, this is so cool,” Kuroo said.  “I haven’t been here in ages - not since before I’d learned about it.”  He started striding forward towards the entrance, an excited spring in his step.  Bokuto and Oikawa followed at a slower pace.

Ushijima tilted his head, examining the building.  “It looks a bit like a face,” he observed.

“I don’t see it,” Daichi said.

“Look.”  Ushijima pointed.  “There are the eyes, and that’s a nose, and that’s a really big mustache.”

Daichi tilted his head down, then back up again.  “I kind-of see it.  It looks very cross.”

“Guys!” Kuroo shouted, from the bottom of the stairs leading up to the entrance.  “Come on!”

Daichi and Ushijima spent a few seconds glowering back at the building’s stern face, then hurried over.

"This, ” Kuroo said, spreading his arms out wide, “is the Kanto Earthquake Memorial.  You know what the Kanto Earthquake was, right?”

“Massive earthquake in Tokyo in the twenties, started huge fires, millions of people died,” Oikawa recited.  “Everyone knows about it.”

Kuroo nodded.  “Just thought I’d make sure.”

“Are you calling us uneducated?” Daichi demanded.

“Maybe.”  Kuroo shrugged, then went on.  “This is, obviously, a memorial to that earthquake.  It’s built on the site of this old storage depot, where a whole fuckton of people went, thinking they’d be safe from the fires - but they weren’t.  This memorial in honor of them was built by Ito Chuta, a really cool architect from that time.  He had studied east Asian architecture - Japanese, Chinese, Indian, all that stuff - and he made this building not a replica, but, like, an imitation of Buddhist shrines in Japan - those roofs, and there’s a pagoda back there.  This building is built in reinforced concrete, though, not wood like the shrines were.  Concrete because it had to be earthquake-resistant.  Like, can you imagine if a memorial to the victims of one earthquake was taken down by the next one?  Not good for press.  What’s really cool - or, at least, what I think is really cool - is that the plan for this building is also based on a Gothic cathedral-”

Kuroo looked up to gesticulate and realized abruptly that his audience had departed. He turned around and just managed to catch a glimpse of Ushijima disappearing inside the memorial.

“Nobody appreciates a liberal arts education these days,” he muttered, and then jumped up the steps and headed inside.

The inside of the memorial was drastically different from the outside, with thicker, rounder columns, a tiled floor, and lighting that looked like it belonged in an industrial revolution-era European town.  But none of the other captains were paying much attention - they were all clustered around a pamphlet that Daichi had procured from a tour guide.

“So, I think we can go to the museum, or we can walk around outside,” he was saying.

Oikawa looked up, noticed Kuroo, and beckoned him over.  “Hey!  You were wrong!  It says here that this is a memorial to the victims of the World War II bombings!”

Kuroo frowned.  “It can be a memorial to multiple things.”

Oikawa shrugged.  “Yeah, whatever.  Come over here and help us decide what to do.”

“We could probably go to the museum, then walk around after it gets boring,” Bokuto suggested.

“Museums are informative, not boring,” Ushijima said.

“They’re informative and also boring,” Bokuto corrected.

Ushijima considered that, then nodded.  “Okay.  Museum, then outside.”

“Fine with me, as long as we see some dogs at some point,” Daichi agreed.  

“Guys, this is such a cool building, ” Kuroo practically wailed.

Daichi stared at him.  “But have you considered … dogs.”

Kuroo restrained the urge to bang his head against a pillar.

“Wait.  Kuroo.”  Oikawa stopped on his way out of the room so abruptly, Bokuto bumped into him.

“Yeah?”

“What is … that ?”

“What is what?”

Oikawa pointed.

Kuroo squinted in the direction of his finger - there was something above the entrance they’d come in from. Some kind of small light, only it wasn’t just a light.  It was a light held in the mouth of some kind of stone … creature.

“That looks like a tiny animal,” Bokuto said.  “Like an owl.  Do you think it’s an owl?”

“It’s definitely not an owl,” Daichi replied.  “I wish we still had those binoculars.”

Ushijima held up his phone, took a picture of the animal in question, then zoomed in.  The others waited with bated breath as he examined his handiwork.

“It’s an aardvark,” he finally announced.

“A what? ” four voices asked at once.

“An aardvark.  It’s a mammal.  I think it lives in Africa.  We learned about it in my history class once.  I don’t remember why.”

Oikawa looked at Kuroo.  “So, architecture expert, what the fuck is an aardvark doing in this memorial to the victims of the Great Kanto Earthquake?”

“Well, I think that …” Kuroo started.  Everyone looked at him.  “I think.  Um.  I think.”  He ran his hands through his hair, subsequently making his bedhead even worse than it had been before.  “I have no fucking clue.”

“Yeah!” Bokuto cheered.

“Let’s just … Go to the museum,” Daichi said.


The museum was not as boring as they’d feared, but it wasn’t exactly entertaining, either.

Somehow, the captains had failed to realize that memorial for the victims of the Great Kanto Earthquake and the Tokyo air raids really meant, memorial for thousands of people who died in horrible, tragic ways.  They stepped back outside into the dwindling sunlight part horrified, part sad, and part ready to hit something.

And, in Bokuto’s case, ready to do something about it. With no warning, he shouted, “Hey, guys, watch this!”

Bokuto sprinted down a stone pathway a short ways, screeched to a halt at an expanse of grass, then toppled over onto his back.

Kuroo jogged up next to him.  “Bro, you okay?”

Bokuto grinned up at his friend.  “I’m good.  Just, y’know.  Lying on the ground.  Sticking my leg up in the air.”

“You aren’t sticking your leg up in the air,” Kuroo told him.

Bokuto promptly stuck his leg up in the air.  “I am now.

Kuroo looked at him for a moment, then lay down and did the same.

“Yes!” Bokuto hooted.  “It’s finally taking off!  Sticking your leg up in the air is the new orange!”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it goes,” Oikawa said.  But he, too, lay down and stuck his leg up as far as it would go - skinny jeans were not exactly conducive to stretching.

“Daichi, join us!” Bokuto exclaimed, pointing his leg in the captain in question’s direction.  “You have the best legs for up-sticking!”

“You’ve told me that before,” Daichi said.

“That means I’m right!  Come on!”

Daichi looked around, as though reminding himself that he was in a public place, where strangers might see him and regard him as a bad example for their children - but then, he also reminded himself that he would likely never see any of those strangers again.

“Alright.”  He lay down, then raised both of his legs, looking up at the muscle shifting smoothly under his skin.

“Show-off,” Oikawa said. Daichi just raised his legs higher.

Ushijima pulled out his phone, swiped the screen a few times, then quietly joined the party.

"This is pretty satisfying," Daichi admitted, and they lapsed into silence, enjoying the sensation.

The legs rejoiced in the joys of air and wind and freedom for a minute or so, but, one by one, they were all lowered as their muscles gave out.  Daichi’s legs lasted the longest, yet even the thighs strong enough to carry Karasuno to victory were not invincible.

“Don’t tell Hinata that I had to put my legs down,” Daichi told Bokuto.

Bokuto laughed.  “Whatever you say.”

“Satori and I used to do this,” Ushijima said suddenly.

“Do what?  Stick your legs up in the air?” Bokuto asked.

“Yes,” Ushijima replied.  “Not quite like this, but something like this.  After practice, sometimes.  Or when we went on long runs together.  We’d lie down on our backs and stretch.  And talk, sometimes.”

“How are you and Satori?” Daichi asked.  “You don’t talk about him much.”

Ushijima shrugged, the grass scratchy against his back.  “We hang out.  We talk.  Sometimes we have sex.  It’s good.”

“That does sound pretty ideal,” Bokuto agreed.  “But you aren’t … going to the same university, are you?”

There was a pause, then Ushijima said, “We aren’t.  He’s going to a school in Hokkaido.  Studying journalism.  He says he’ll cover all my games.”

“Oh, man, he’d be so good at that!” Bokuto exclaimed.  “His commentary is hilarious.”

“It is.  But I think I will miss him.”

“You think so?” Daichi asked carefully.

Ushijima lifted his leg up half a meter or so, then placed it slowly back onto the ground.  “I think so.  I will miss talking to him.  There’s the phone, and Skype, and Snapchat, but it isn’t really the same.”

“Wait, hold up.”  Oikawa sat up, then stared at Ushijima.  “Snapchat?”

“Yes?” Ushijima said.  “Is it strange that I use it?”

“A little unexpected, maybe,” Kuroo said.

“I do only have one contact.”

“Who, Tendou?” Bokuto wondered.

“Yes.  We have - what it’s it called - a streak?  A two hundred and thirty-eight-day streak.”

Oikawa’s eyes went wide as lightbulbs.  “Wait … this whole day … when you took out your phone … were you snapchatting Tendou?

“Yes,” Ushijima replied.  “I also saved the pictures and videos.  For posterity, as Bokuto says.”

Daichi leapt to his feet and took off at a dead run down the path.

“Was it something I said?” Ushijima asked, confused.

“DOG!” Daichi shouted over his shoulder. “It’s getting away, though!”

Bokuto gasped audibly, then jumped directly from a standstill into a sprint.  “OH MY GOD WHERE.”

“I would also like to know where,” Ushijima said. He got up and followed at a jog, holding up his phone to snapchat the two runners ahead of him.

Oikawa looked at Kuroo.  Kuroo looked at Oikawa.  Oikawa shrugged, as though to say, do we really have any choice?

The two of them got up as well, walking down the path after their friends.


7:19 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat would like to add you as a contact.

You and ur favorite lolcat are now connected on skype!

ur favorite lolcat: SUGA
pour some suga on me: kuroo?

ur favorite lolcat sent a video

ur favorite lolcat: LOOK AT YOUR BF
ur favorite lolcat: HES SUCH A NERD
pour some suga on me: kuroo that’s a dog D:
ur favorite lolcat: DAICHI IS FLIPPING HIS SHIT OVER THE DOG -bokuto
ur favorite lolcat: ITS ME BECAUSE KUROO IS NOW ALSO FLIPPING HIS SHIT OVER THE DOG -bokuto
ur favorite lolcat: OK POPCORN OIKAWA I WANNA GO PET THE DOG TOO
ur favorite lolcat: hellooooooo, refreshing-kun
pour some suga on me: ah…oikawa…
ur favorite lolcat: did you know that daichi’s skype name is Mr. Sugawara Daichi
pour some suga on me: WH
pour some suga on me: I
pour some suga on me: I HAVE TO GO
ur favorite lolcat: hehehe

7:24 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat renamed this chat to “#savesugawarakoushi2k16.”

The dog was a beautiful, silky spaniel, with white and chocolate-brown fur, and big brown eyes that looked like all they had ever done was love. Unfortunately, as the group had soon discovered, the looks were where it stopped. The animal was irritable and standoffish, and although the spiky-haired girl attached to its leash had given them permission to pet him, Mitsui-chan was having none of it. However, Daichi was a man on a mission, and he had quickly determined that the dog calmed down and was even friendly when he was picked up.

“He likes being held,” explained the girl. “Cause he’s lazy, and when people hold him he doesn’t have to walk places.”

“He’s so smooth,” Daichi observed in awe, nuzzling Mitsui’s head and missing Kuroo quietly taking a video and the subsequent mild chaos over his phone. Ushijima joined him in stroking the dog’s long, soft ears, and then Kuroo, and then Bokuto as Oikawa hung back on Kuroo’s phone. Mitsui basked in the attention, resting his chin on Daichi’s shoulder.

“He’s a little shit,” said the girl cheerfully. “Wouldn’t trade him for the world.”

“Oikawa, come pet this dog,” Kuroo called over his shoulder. Oikawa came over and put Kuroo’s phone into its owner’s back pocket, earning himself an eyebrow wiggle at the touch, but he hung back from the dog.

“I’ll keep my hands clean of whatever it’s been rolling in, thanks.”

“Nonsense,” Daichi said indignantly. “Look how clean he is. You’re a good dog, Mitsui,” he added to the dog in his arms.

But Oikawa wouldn’t be convinced, and soon enough Mitsui’s owner was fidgeting to leave. Daichi carefully placed the dog down on the ground and thanked the girl, and then rallied his troops to depart. As they made their way back down the path towards their mopeds, Daichi let out a huge, happy sigh.

“Having a good time, Daichi?” Kuroo asked, amused.

“There have just been so many good dogs,” Daichi explained, sounding overwhelmed. Absently, he pulled out his phone to check the notification for the group chat that had come in midway through the dog holding, and then frowned at the screen.

“Save Sugawara Koushi two-kay-sixteen? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Oikawa reassured him.


As they pushed open the door of the ice cream shop, Bokuto and Oikawa were arguing.

“Bro, it’s never not the weather for ice cream!”

“No, what about when it’s cold and you try to take it outside and your hands freeze?” Oikawa countered.

“If you let that stop you from eating ice cream, you aren’t worthy of the ice cream in the first place,” Bokuto insisted. Kuroo and Daichi exchanged a look, silently agreeing to let the pair argue it out.

“What if your fingers are too stiff to eat more ice cream?”

“Okay, you have a point there,” Bokuto admitted as they walked up to the counter. “But can’t you just stay inside?”

“But we are going to be going outside with these! We don’t have time to stay here, remember? And it’s already after dark!” Oikawa stepped up to order first. “Um, medium cone of vanilla soft serve. Thanks.”

“Soft serve , huh?” Kuroo asked, looking incredibly pleased with himself for the pun.

Oikawa scowled at him. “Shut it.”

“No, no, it suits you,” interjected Ushijima. Kuroo barked a laugh at Oikawa’s indignant expression, and held up his hand to Ushijima for a high five. Ushijima looked at it for a moment, then patted it gently.

Daichi asked for a medium cone of mint chocolate chip - “I find it refreshing,” he explained, and Oikawa rolled his eyes loudly - and Bokuto ambitiously ordered the largest thing on the menu, a massive sundae intended for four to share.

“Are you sure you can finish that?” Daichi asked him, concerned, as Kuroo ordered a strawberry milkshake. “Your eyes might be bigger than your stomach, you know.”

“Physiologically improbable,” said Ushijima over his shoulder. “Large coffee waffle cone, please.”

“You underestimate my stomach, Daichi,” Bokuto said with a confident grin. “Have faith.”

Roughly ten minutes later, Bokuto was groaning and prone on the sidewalk, with two-thirds of the sundae roiling in his stomach and the other third melting in the dish next to him. Kuroo sat next to him, sympathetically patting his back. “It’s okay, bro. You fought valiantly.”

“This is karma,” Oikawa said. “Cause you tried to eat it outside in the cold.”

“Oikawa, don’t be mean,” Kuroo rebuked him, and in the same breath offered, with a shit-eating grin, “Bro, want some of my milkshake?”

Bokuto gave him a look like a dog with a glob of peanut butter stuck to the roof of its mouth. “Not right now, bro.”

They were interrupted by a loud “FUCK!” from Daichi’s direction, and looked up in surprise to see the cone of mint chocolate chip smeared across his jeans.

“Daichi, did you just spill that?” Kuroo asked.

“Wow, Dad, that’s pretty irresponsible,” Oikawa put in, and Daichi flushed.

“I was surprised, okay! There was a- Kuroo, are you taking a picture of me?!

7:39 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: sawamura daichi spilling ice cream on himself documented for posterity

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

HOOT HOOT: BRO
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: After I pet that dog.

Oikawa, opening the message with his non-sticky hand as he licked at the last of his cone, looked up in confusion. “A dog?”

But Daichi was already gone. Oikawa looked ahead, following his gaze, then stiffened at the sight of the animal and hurried after him. Bokuto, Kuroo, and Ushijima followed behind. “Daichi, that is a pitbull . Daichi - hey, wait-”

“May I say hi to your dog?” Daichi asked the owner, a tall woman in a tracksuit with an undercut. She looked surprised, but answered affirmatively.

“Daichi,” Kuroo said uneasily as Daichi knelt down on the pavement in front of the muscular brown dog, “I know you love dogs, but this one might not be a good idea.”

Daichi paused. “Why?”

“Uh, it’s a pitbull? They’re pretty aggressive, you know.”

“I don’t think so,” he said softly. “I know she looks scary, but look at her eyes - see how warm and friendly they are? I think she’s kind.”

“Or maybe you’re a hopeless romantic,” suggested Oikawa.

“Come on, give her a chance,” Daichi urged him, and slowly extended his left hand to the pitbull.

She bent her powerful neck, examining it with intelligent eyes, then gently pushed her muzzle into his palm and whuffed against his hand.

“Ohhhh,” whispered Daichi. He scratched the dog’s ears, and her brown eyes squeezed shut with delight. She pushed her head up into Daichi’s hands, and he scratched harder, mumbling indistinct words to her.

“I can’t believe this,” Oikawa said to Kuroo, who nodded in agreement.

Bokuto was watching the scene unfold with interest. “She really is friendly, isn’t she?”

The woman holding the leash laughed a little. “Most people are scared of her, but she’s just a happy bean.”

“What’s her name?” Bokuto asked, moving to kneel down on the pavement and start patting the dog’s side.

“Sunny,” the woman answered.

“Sunny,” Bokuto repeated, and scratched the pitbull’s back vigorously. Sunny’s tail started thumping against the pavement.

Ushijima joined him, moving surprisingly quietly for his large size, and started petting her other side.

“You are a sausage with legs,” Ushijima told Sunny gravely. Her tail thumped harder. “Your legs are also sausages.”

“You’re right, bro!” Bokuto said, delighted.

Oikawa and Kuroo, the only two still hanging back, looked at their three happy friends clustered around the equally happy pitbull, then at each other.

“I guess it is kind of cute,” Oikawa finally allowed, grudgingly.

“Bro, this is fucking adorable ,” Kuroo corrected him. “Let’s go.”

“Okay, okay.” The two of them approached the dog and the other captains, settling down around the only space left free, which was her rump.

“We have to take the butt?” Kuroo muttered as Sunny’s tail thumped into his side. Nonetheless, he started petting her back with growing enthusiasm.

“Late to the party, bro.”

Several minutes of petting and enthusing over Sunny later, the woman, who had been watching them with fondness, cleared her throat and informed them apologetically that she, in fact, had to get home to make dinner for her family. This was understandable, and after a heartfelt goodbye to Sunny and thanks to her owner, the five captains were left standing and stretching to crack their backs on the sidewalk, each one wearing some degree of a smile.

“She was a really good dog,” Daichi said. “Maybe the best dog all day.”

“Mmhmm,” Ushijima agreed. The group started strolling back towards their mopeds, slow-moving but alert in the evening air.

“I wish she hadn’t had to leave for dinner,” Bokuto lamented. “She was so good.”

“Is it really dinnertime already?” Oikawa asked. Bokuto held up his watch for Oikawa to look at. “Oh, shit , it’s eight o’clock? That was quick.”

“It’s cause you’re having fun, bro.”

“True,” Oikawa agreed, for once without any argument.

Kuroo frowned a little. “Daichi, what time did you say your train tickets home were for?”

“Uh, let me check.” Daichi pulled out his wallet and squinted at the ticket. “Eight...fifteen.”

There was a brief moment of deathly silence. Kuroo and Daichi stared at each other.

“Shit,” said Daichi, and they bolted for the mopeds.

Daichi didn’t complain about Kuroo’s driving this time, and even Bokuto was reckless enough to run a few yellow lights. They parked outside of the train station at 8:10 - tore through the station - past restaurants and shops and chastising passerby - through people and around people and over people (at one point Bokuto leaped over a toddling girl, which was definitely ill-advised) - up stairs and down stairs and through hallways - pushing as fast as they possibly could like this was the volley of the last game of their lives - and arrived, wheezing, on the platform at 8:13.

The train was idling as a few last passengers took their seats, and Oikawa bolted for the door.

Or, at least, he attempted to bolt for the door, and made it about two steps before the arms deemed worthy of Frankencaptain wrapped around his waist.

“Not so fast,” said Bokuto into his ear, happily ignoring Oikawa’s struggling. “You’re not leaving without a hug!”

“If you don’t let go of me I might not be leaving at all-

“Shhh,” Bokuto told him. “C’mon, guys, get in on this,” he added to the rest of the group. Kuroo was the first to join in, sandwiching Oikawa between himself and his best friend, then Ushijima, and then finally Daichi, wrapping his arms around the whole group and squeezing them all together. Oikawa squirmed for a moment before he accepted his fate and relaxed. Enveloped in the warm group hug of four good friends, it was impossible to be irritated for long.

“Don’t cry again,” said Kuroo from somewhere above Oikawa’s head.

“I’m not crying -” Oikawa attempted to swat at Kuroo, but he was too close for it to be effective, and then the circle was loosening with laughter. It was contagious, and despite his best effort, Oikawa found giggles bubbling up inside his own chest.

The hug broke apart, gradually and happily and just in time for them to catch the train’s last whistle that signalled the doors sliding shut.

Frantic curses bounced around the group, and Oikawa lunged for the closing door. His fingers brushed against the handle, but it was too late - the train was already moving, picking up speed until it disappeared into the tunnel and left the five boys standing on the platform.

“Fuck,” said Kuroo, which summed it up pretty well.

“Let’s go back to the ticket booth,” said Daichi, already walking back down the platform. “We can probably get tickets for the next train.”

The bored teenager in the ticket booth quashed that hope quickly.

“The Miyagi line only runs every two hours,” she told them. “That was the last one for the night.”

“The night?

“It’ll start again at eight fifteen tomorrow morning. Sorry,” she added, seeing their looks of distress, “it isn’t a very popular line.”

Daichi thanked her politely, and then they moved slightly away, forming a loose circle in the middle of the train station. Oikawa was looking murderous, and Daichi seemed none too pleased either. For a moment, nobody said anything.

Kuroo finally broke the silence.

“So, uh,” he said, “sleepover at my place?”


March 27, 2016
12:02 P.M.

ur favorite lolcat: hey so im guessing you guys are still on the train home
ur favorite lolcat: i looked at the pictures and my mom is a really bad photographer im sorry
ur favorite lolcat: theyre all hells of blurry
ur favorite lolcat: but this one candid came out ok

ur favorite lolcat sent a picture

“Hey, Oikawa - oh, he fell asleep? Ushijima, can you wake him up?”

“Okay.” Ushijima gently shook Oikawa, whose head was resting on his shoulder again, although this time it was intentional.

Oikawa stirred, yawning and blinking sleep out of his eyes as he sat upright. “What happened?” he asked, voice fuzzy with sleep. “Are we home?”

Daichi held out his phone. “Kuroo sent the picture.” Oikawa took the phone, tilting the screen slightly so Ushijima could see it too.

“Oh, that’s cute,” Oikawa said.

Ushijima made a noise of agreement. “Very cute.”

“Do you think I should print a copy to keep in my wallet?” Daichi asked.

“That would be incredibly dadlike of you,” said Ushijima.

“So...yes?”

“Definitely.”

The picture showed the five captains, crowded between the sofa and low table in Kuroo’s living room. Bokuto was standing in the center, beaming ear to ear, with his right arm tucked under Kuroo’s shoulders and his left over Oikawa’s. Kuroo was smirking across him at Oikawa, with his own right arm slung easily over Daichi’s shoulders. Oikawa had made a peace sign with his left hand, but it dangled forgotten at his side as he pulled a grotesque face at Kuroo. On Kuroo’s right, Daichi was leaning forward to chide them, his face half-fond, half-exasperated. On Oikawa’s left, Ushijima’s right arm had managed to reach across both Oikawa’s and Bokuto’s shoulders, his left hand was held up with a (more successful) peace sign, and he was smiling his warm smile, eyes shining with genuine happiness. And propped up against Kuroo’s and Bokuto’s legs, a handwritten cardboard sign read,

WELCOME LONG LIVE

NATIONAL HOT DAD CONFERENCE ALLIANCE

12:06 P.M.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI: Dont worry about it, Kuroo
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: Yeah.
Mr. Sugawara Daichi: This one is just fine.

The End