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Won't Say I'm In Love

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She stared at her best friend with her mouth agape. “He told you?” Willow tucked her feet up under her as she made herself more comfortable on Buffy’s bed.

“Well, it wasn’t like he had a choice. He kissed me and then he went all vamp face. I...”’

Willow couldn’t stop herself from interrupting. “He didn’t! I mean you didn’t!” She was so dumbfounded she didn’t know which way to turn. She couldn’t believe that Buffy had actually kissed a vampire! Her world was in shock and all askew.

She didn’t know she had spoken out loud until Buffy began to speak.

“To be fair, I didn’t know he was a vampire at first. I mean I knew there was something different about him. But I thought it was just because he seemed older than the boys that I’m used to.”

Willow nodded her head. There was something different about him all right. He was a two hundred and forty-two-year-old vampire! She couldn’t believe Buffy had let him kiss her! But then again he was cute.

Once more she wasn’t aware of speaking out loud until Buffy answered her, “Cute? Did you see him? He is gorgeous!” Buffy glanced at Willow to see the shocked look on her friend’s face and quickly added, “I mean if you like that type of guy.” She tried to act nonchalant but secretly her insides were still a puddle of goo.

“Okay, but now that you know what he is, would you do it again?

“Would I do what?”

Honestly, what did Buffy think she was talking about? “Would you kiss him again?”

“Who knows.” Even as she gave the noncommittal answer, every part of her screamed yes! There was nothing about him she didn’t like. He was tall, dark and so handsome he made her heart beat fast just looking at him. And kissing him? A huge sigh escaped her. There was nothing she would like better then to spend the rest of her life kissing him. But of course that was something she would never admit to.



Three weeks later Buffy found herself in her room having another conversation on the same topic. Angel. Thankfully he just happened to be her favorite subject.

“When did you know?”

Buffy’s forehead wrinkled as she stared at Willow. “When did I know what?”

Willow clenched her teeth together. Buffy could just be so dense sometimes. “When did you know that you were in love with Angel.”

Buffy’s mouth hung open. “What? Huh? What?”

“I asked when did you know....” She let her question trail off as Buffy waved her hand.

“Uh uh. No way. I am not in love. I mean he is gorgeous and all that but he is a vampire. And a slayer doesn’t fall in love with a....” She shot a glare at Willow, who was grinning from ear to ear, before she continued, “I mean, okay so I kissed him and it was great. It was more than great but I just can’t be in love.”

“Buffy?” Willow waited for her friend to look at her before she continued, “Angel.”

A huge grin began to spread across Buffy’s face.

“Aha! That right there! Look at yourself.” She quickly held a hand mirror in front of Buffy. “You are so in love with him! Every time you hear his name you get the biggest grin on your face and your eyes go all dreamy as if you’re not even here but somewhere alone with Angel. See! There you go again.”

Buffy pushed Willow’s hand away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And without another word she flounced out of the room.

Willow grinned to herself as she watched her best friend beat a hasty retreat. Sure you don’t, Buffy. I’m sure you don’t.



“I shouldn’t be here.” He whispered softly as he sat down on her bed. Even though he had watched from a safe distance as her mother had left, he still didn’t feel right being there.

He was a vampire, he shouldn’t want what he wanted from this girl. She was too young. He was too old. Angel shook his head. He was sure there were a million reasons why he shouldn’t be with Buffy but the truth was he couldn’t stop himself. Hell, he didn’t want to. Since she had come into his life, this world had become something he wanted to be apart of and not merely exist on the outside watching as life passed him by. She was the one bright spot in his otherwise dismal existence.

“I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.”

“Buffy, maybe I should just...”

As he made to stand up she quickly threw herself against him. “Kiss me.”

Angel knew he shouldn’t give in and kiss her but knowing he shouldn’t and being able to stop himself were two totally different things entirely. Without thought his arms went around her, pulling her closer to his body as his lips descended on hers.

A soft sigh caught in her throat as his lips finally touched hers. This was what she had been waiting for all day. What she had missed, what she lived for.

As her tongue slipped past his lips, he could feel himself begin to change. His ridges became prominent as his fangs elongated. Swiftly, he put his hands on her shoulders and tried to set her away from him.

“What’s wrong?” She really hoped she hadn’t done something that proved how very little she knew about this sort of thing.

“Buffy, I can’t. We can’t.” He turned his head and hoped she hadn’t seen what he looked like now.

“Don’t you want to kiss me?”

“Yes, I do want to kiss you. I want to go on kissing you as if my life depended on it. Because it does. But I can’t. When I kiss you. So does the demon inside of me.” He had to get through to her. He quickly turned back around to face her so that she would understand. This couldn’t happen again.

“This is what you worried about?” She reached out and caressed the side of his face with her hand. “It’s part of you, Angel. And to be honest, when you were kissing me, I didn’t even notice. So if it doesn’t bother me, why should it bother you?”

Even though he knew it was wrong he felt hope began to burn a little brighter in his chest at her words. He had to admit she had a valid point. Without another word, Angel reached out to pull her closer once again only to stop at the stunned look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” It was his turn to ask the question.

She couldn’t believe it. Willow had been right. She was in love with Angel. He was a vampire and she didn’t even care. “Nothing.” A soft smile lit up her face as she shifted back into his arms. “I’ll tell you someday.”