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Do You Call Yourself A Fucking Hurricane?

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         Being friends with Hoseok is like being on a rollercoaster. (Except Hoseok doesn’t like rollercoasters. And Donghyuk knows that.) Donghyuk waits for Hoseok to come around.

          When the other male does come around, it is usually right after the brunette has been fucked over. Hoseok would knock on his door at two in the morning on a Sunday with a busted lip and a limp. Donghyuk would let him inside and help him to the bathroom. He doesn’t ask the other male what happened. (He knows how Hoseok makes his money.) He makes Hoseok sit on the toilet while he runs a warm bath for the other male. He puts bubble bath soap in the bathtub, as the tub fills up. Hoseok takes off his shirt and struggles to take off his pants. Donghyuk has to help him. (It’s normal to Donghyuk now.) He goes to his room to grab clothes for the smaller male to change into. He also gets a towel out of the hallway closet and goes back to the bathroom. He sets the towel and clothes on the sink.

“I’ll be on the other side of the door,” Donghyuk says.

            Donghyuk closes the door behind him and sits on the floor with his back to the door. He waits for Hoseok to finish. He hates seeing Hoseok like this. But there is nothing he can do about it. Hoseok is an adult who can make his own decisions, even if they result in him selling his body. Hoseok constantly tells him to stay away from him, but he can’t. He’s not quite sure why he keeps coming back to the smaller male. Maybe it’s the way Hoseok something similar to a hurricane ready to destroy everything in his path. Maybe it’s the way Hoseok wakes up next to him the next morning. Maybe it’s the way Hoseok comes to his place at two in the morning. Maybe it’s the way Hoseok is addicting to him, like cigarettes.

            He gets up and grabs a carton of cigarettes and lighter off the coffee table and heads to the balcony. He leans his elbows on the balcony railing, He takes a cigarette out of the box and places it between his lips. He lights it with his other hand, cupping the flame so the wind won’t blow it out. He takes a drag and places it between his ring and middle finger. He blows smoke into the air.

            He hears the balcony door open and close. Hoseok stands next to him. They don’t speak because they know where this conversation is going to go. They had this conversation before. Donghyuk doesn’t care. He’s going to tell Hoseok the same thing over and over again. And Hoseok is going to tell him the same thing over and over again. He knows the brunette will.

            There’s no denying the fact that Hoseok will tell him to stop taking care of him. Donghyuk will tell Hoseok that he needs to stop destroying himself. He’ll tell Hoseok that he needs to stop doing what he is doing. Hoseok argues with him the whole conversation. But it will be different today because Hoseok’s walls will crumble and leave him vulnerable. Donghyuk knows this because he’s experienced it firsthand.

“Jesus Hoseok, you’re a fucking hurricane,” Donghyuk says.

“How so?” Hoseok asks.

“Once you hit land, you destroy everything you touch. You are winds blowing a hundred plus miles per hour. You are the rain that washes it all away. But there’s a brief moment where you show a vulnerable side of you. And that moment is the eye of the storm. That’s the moment that I want, the calm of the storm,” Donghyuk explains.

“Have I destroyed you yet?” Hoseok asks.

“Yes, but I keep coming back just to see the calm of the storm,” Donghyuk answers.

            Donghyuk takes a drag from his cigarette and blows smoke into the cold, winter air. He waits for the other male to say something, but he knows Hoseok won’t say anything. (Hoseok is lost in his thoughts.) Usually Donghyuk knows what Hoseok is thinking. He can read the smaller male like an open book, but sometimes there are chapters that are in foreign languages that he can’t read. And today there are some paragraphs that he can’t understand. He can’t figure out the important pieces missing.

“Why? You are just going to be destroyed right after the calm of it all,” Hoseok asks.

“Why do I keep coming back? Because I know that it’s worth it in the end,” Donghyuk answers.

“It’s not. It’s never worth it. I’m not worth it,” Hoseok whispers.

            Donghyuk ignores what Hoseok says, and takes another drag from his cigarette. He blows smoke rings into the air. He knows that Hoseok is showing him that side of him, that vulnerable side. He’s lost in the storm and Hoseok is giving him time to find his way out. He places a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. He hears the other male take in a deep breathe then exhales. He stubs out the last of his cigarette on the railing. He doesn’t look in Hoseok’s direction but he knows that the smaller male is staring at him.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Donghyuk says.

“Like what?” Hoseok asks.

“Like you want me to stay away from you. Like you want me to leave you alone so you can destroy yourself along with everything around you,” Donghyuk replies.

“And if I say I’m not?” Hoseok questions.

“Bullshit, you are. I know you are,” Donghyuk answers.

            Donghyuk knows he’s right because Hoseok doesn’t answer him. They stand like this for a while. They don’t say a word because any minute now the calm of the storm will pass, and Hoseok will destroy everything in his path. In the morning, everything will go back to normal. Hoseok will still be a hurricane, and Donghyuk will still be there. He’ll wait for Hoseok to come back around and destroy him as well.

“Let’s go inside and sleep,” Donghyuk suggests.