Warm fingers touched his throat and Fraser’s pulse jumped at the contact.
“He’s still alive… it would be a pity if his heart gave out,” the dark-haired man murmured regretfully. “I’m sure our customers would know how to fully appreciate him.”
Fraser wanted to pull away from the inquisitive fingers, but his body didn’t obey. He didn’t even feel his hands anymore; he knew that they had to be still chained behind his back, but he couldn’t tell. His body felt detached from everything he was feeling.
Except for his racing heartbeat. That seemed to fill his whole being.
Ray spent the next day trying not to think too much about the way Fraser looked when Ray got him off, that and interviewing potential witnesses.
The first two swore that nothing had happened to them, they had simply fallen asleep drunk in a corner—or that’s what they told him. The third one started with the same dance routine and Ray was really fed up with it and getting a bit desperate.
“You really want me to believe that three people searched the whole club for you unable to find you and you were simply, what, wandering around? Hiding behind the jukebox, what?”
“Yes, I swear—I was just… drunk.”
“Drunk?” Ray echoed flatly. “Here’s what I think. I think you were on Push. And I think you took a little too much maybe. What do you think of that, Joey?”
“I DON’T KNOW!” He shouted. “I CAN’T REMEMBER ANYTHING, OKAY?”
That stopped Ray in his tracks. “What do you mean ‘you can’t remember anything’?”
Joey Carusso shrugged. “Just what I said. I took Push, yeah… someone chatted me up and offered me some. And that’s the last thing I remember. Next thing I knew I was in some kind of alley not too far from the club and it was already beginning to dawn. I was… I was…” Joey’s face scrunched up as he tried not to cry. “I was in really bad shape… I had marks and br-bruises all over my body… but I didn’t remember any of it…”
Ray closed his eyes, knowing all too clearly what must’ve caused those marks.
“Why didn’t you report it to the police? Why didn’t you confide in any of your friends?”
“Are you kidding? The police would’ve done a drug test and I would’ve been out on my ass again. I didn’t want to get into any trouble… and I wanted to tell my friends… I just couldn’t. I didn’t want them to know…”
Ray sighed. He had talked to too many rape victims to know that talking about it was the hardest part. “I understand. Do you remember anything about the man who offered you the drugs?”
Joey almost smiled. “Good-looking, that’s all I can remember. Tall, dark hair, very light skin—a Slavic touch maybe... young, but older than me.”
So it wasn’t any of the four VIPs Ray had seen.
“I’m sorry for what has happened to you and I promise you we’re going to get those bastards.”
Ray left, pondering the story. Push didn’t affect memory, so they had to use some kind of amnesia pill. Very convenient, the victims didn’t remember anything useful and were too shocked and ashamed to report it. What they needed, Ray thought, was to catch them right at it, stir things up a little at the next VIP meeting. Maybe Fraser had more luck.
Fraser had traced shipments, trying to find one that vanished at one point or stayed unaccounted for. He hadn’t been very successful, though.
Ray recounted his day and his idea of setting them up. “I’m back at the club on Friday and I’ll ask Jack for the next VIP visit. We can arrange the whole thing with the feds as soon as we know more. We’ll take the whole joint down.”
“It might take some time to convince them of our evidence. So far all we know is that there is a back room for questionable purposes.”
“Questionable purposes? They drug them and rape them, how is that questionable?” Ray exclaimed furiously. “I bet we can match my list of men that went missing with the tapes and we’d score. So we’ll nail them with their pants down and we’ll have enough evidence to bust them for the drugs as well.”
“Yes, we will.”
Fraser’s eyes were soft and something tugged at Ray to touch him again. Funny how, just a short while ago, Ray hadn’t even been sure if he wanted to kiss him and now he wanted to take Fraser to bed more than anything.
Ray’s thoughts must’ve been easy to read for Fraser’s lips twitched into an amused smile and when Ray took a step in the direction of his bedroom Fraser followed without another word.
They’d been kissing for ages and Ray knew if he didn’t stop Fraser right now then he’d never get to ask him, he’d be too blissed out coming all over the place to care how Fraser got him there.
But he knew what he wanted and even though it scared the hell out of him he needed this. He just didn’t know how to ask.
Because Fraser hadn’t been pushing him for it—had apparently even decided that this was way out of bounds—without ever consulting Ray in the matter, of course. But there was little else Ray had been thinking of lately. This was wrong on so many levels.
And when had his body even decided to get off on stuff like that? He’d lived a happily normal heterosexual sex life—not once had he even thought about this… until, of course, he’d thought about Fraser doing it and why should this time have been any different? It was always Fraser who made him think funny thoughts—not the haha-kind of funny either.
Fraser was pretty much textbook for funny business.
“Frase,” Ray gasped when Fraser wasn’t busy licking into his mouth and biting at his lips—and god, he had real talent for that. If all Canadians could use their tongue like that it was a good thing they’d never seriously thought about invading the United States. Ray’d gladly cross over to the other side if it kissed like that.
“Can we—could you—” and Ray knew what he wanted to ask: ‘make love to me?’ He just feared that the word was too big and then everything would be over. Of course it was making love—Ray had hardly gotten crazy over some other guy’s dick before. But maybe there was no need to tell the Mountie that just yet.
Fraser’s fingers pressed Ray’s hands flat against the mattress as he rubbed their groins together. Ray moaned out loud only to have Fraser covering his mouth again for one more of his dirty kisses. He couldn’t say ‘I want to sleep with you’ because, really, what kind of person said something like that?
That was for people who said that they wanted to go to bed early instead of simply saying they wanted to screw each other rotten. What else was there? Oh yes, he could do it like in one of those 19th century romances, moan about wanting to feel Fraser inside of him—Ray would’ve laughed at the thought of saying that out loud had Fraser not rolled his hips in perfect counter-point just then.
“Oh, Jesus…” Ray croaked, straining against Fraser’s grip on his hands. Needless to say to no avail. Fraser didn’t relent. He never did. His tongue plunged in again and Ray slung his leg over the small of his back to press him close, get some more friction and—“Yes, god,” Ray shouted as his climax overtook him. Fraser was simply too good at this. At least Ray’s mouth finally got with the program.
“Fuck me,” Ray mumbled into Fraser’s ear that was conveniently close to his mouth. “God, Frase, you gotta fuck me,” he rasped weakly.
Fraser’s head reared back and he stared intently at Ray with dark, glowing eyes, breathing hard. For a moment Ray thought he wanted to say something or ask something, but then Fraser just nodded with a slightly off-kilter smile—as if he knew something good that Ray didn’t.
“I have…supplies,” Ray murmured, gesturing at the drawer next to the bed. Fraser reached inside and came up with a small bottle of lube. Ray knew the moment Fraser looked at it he would realize that it was an almost brand-new bottle. It was almost completely full. Ray had only bought it because he wanted… to feel Fraser. He’d only experimented a little with one or two fingers to get an idea—boy, had he gotten an idea. Enough to think that this might be a mind-altering experience.
Fraser bit his lip and the smile on his face made his eyes crinkle. Calmly, Fraser reached between Ray’s legs to smooth a finger over Ray’s hole. Ray felt the blood flow to his cheeks and Fraser’s gaze never left Ray’s face. With sure movements, Fraser slicked up his fingers, smiling a little at Ray as he moved his fingers back between his legs.
Gently, he spread the lube over the small opening, just barely dipping in and Ray gasped—eyes locked with Fraser as he pushed his fingers in, stretching Ray slowly.
“Ah—I—god,” Ray’s fingers scrabbled over the sheet looking for something to grasp. Fraser looked as if he had all the time in the world to open Ray up, but Ray let his gaze wander down and he could see that Fraser was leaking precome, his erection was bobbing ever so softly with every breath he took. This veneer of patience… this was just for Ray.
Fraser leaned down over him, almost close enough to press his lips to Ray’s. “Relax,” Fraser murmured, and pushed a third finger in. Ray’s moan rose in pitch. This was different than his own fingers—better, god, so much better. Their lips came together and Ray had a hard time breathing. Ray’s fingers curled tightly into Fraser’s nape. “I’ve never—this is the first time I’ve—” Ray panted, feeling a twinge of fear.
Fraser’s eyes were impossibly dark. His lips stretched into another half-smile as his tongue flicked out to wet them. “You’ve never been taken by a man,” Fraser repeated for him. It wasn’t a question and Fraser seemed to take a certain pleasure from that.
“N-no,” Ray stuttered, suddenly embarrassed by his own lack of experience.
“Trust me,” Fraser said, followed by a soft, full kiss.
“I do,” Ray nodded. Really, what did Fraser think? That Ray would just do this with anyone?
Fraser’s fingers withdrew and the next thing Ray knew, Fraser pushed a pillow underneath his hips. Ray placed his legs over Fraser’s arms and then he felt Fraser push in. It seemed much too big, way bigger than Ray thought was possible—there was no way that could fit—
“Shh, relax,” Fraser soothed. “Bear down, it’ll help.” Fraser didn’t move, he didn’t push, instead he bent his head down to trail kisses over Ray’s chest. Wet, open-mouthed imprints of Fraser’s lips and Ray concentrated on that instead. He remembered to breathe and he tried to think of the feeling when he had used his own fingers, the way he had to consciously relax to let them in and then it had been easy.
Fraser slipped in further then and Ray thought the stretch was impossible, it just didn’t stop, and then Fraser was all the way in. Fraser gasped for breath and his arms were shaking. Ray had never seen him look this good.
Ray made a soft noise in the back of his throat. “Frase…” he whispered, awed and a little shaken. He pulled him down to feel his lips again. He could feel Fraser moving inside of him; the fullness of it, the stretch, it was a turn-on like nothing else. It felt like a tingle somewhere deep inside and Ray wondered if this was what girls felt, too. Ray was so into it he hardly noticed how his body moved in counter-point to Fraser’s thrust or how he kept babbling nonsense words and curses.
“Ready?” Fraser panted with that same I-know-something-you-don’t expression on his face he’d had earlier.
Ray’s brain wasn’t coherent enough to come up with an answer to that one—he wasn’t even sure if he knew what the question was. He knew the next instant, though. Fraser changed his grip slightly and altered his angle, just a little—and suddenly he rubbed against a spot inside that made Ray throb with need.
Ray threw his head back as he panted for breath, Fraser’s name on his lips. Fraser chuckled breathlessly and kept hitting that spot—that awesome itch, that—whatever it was.
“Touch me…” Ray rasped and he couldn’t even remember the last time someone had made him come twice in so many hours. Sure fingers closed around his cock and Ray buried his face in the pillow to smother his moan.
“God—” his whole body went taut. Later he’d swear that he shook from the tips of his toes to the tips of his hair as his orgasm ripped through him. When he had used his own fingers it had been a nice spark. This was an explosion the size of a planet. Ray couldn’t say if he saw white or black or if he was even still there.
And Fraser lost the last bit of restraint, pounding into him strong enough to leave bruises and Ray felt sharp teeth sinking into his shoulder as Fraser came. He could even feel the pulse of Fraser’s cock. The weirdest feeling ever.
“My god, Ray…” Fraser gasped and Ray agreed with a wordless nod. Carefully, Fraser reached between them and pulled out. It was strange feeling so empty suddenly… and wet. Fraser moved up on his knees and reached out to touch the rim of Ray’s hole. Ray shivered a little. It felt a little raw, but it didn’t really hurt. Just a feeling he wasn’t used to Ray supposed.
The hand withdrew and Fraser pressed a single kiss to Ray’s hipbone. “You might be a bit tender. Best put on some salve once you’re cleaned up,” he smiled. Ray reached out to pull him close again and Fraser molded himself effortlessly against Ray’s body.
It was a strangely vulnerable feeling, having let Fraser in like that. Ray didn’t think he could ever go back to the way things were before. This went too deep. He drowned his thoughts in another kiss.
After a while, Fraser pulled back. “Are you all right, Ray?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah, never better,” Ray murmured. He threaded their legs together and made his head comfortable on Fraser’s chest. “Can we just stay here for a moment?” he slurred. He felt the chuckle rumble through Fraser’s ribcage. “Certainly, Ray.”
When Ray came out of his doze it was to the feeling of Fraser’s fingertips smoothing over his cheekbones and the thumb dragging along his bottom lip. Fraser’s eyes softened as he noticed Ray looking at him.
“Was it what you had expected?” Fraser asked, sounding amused.
Ray grinned and shook his head. “No, this was… somehow more…” he shrugged; he really couldn’t put this connection he had felt with Fraser into words. Fraser’s gaze turned serious.
“Is it always like that?” Ray asked, feeling a little stupid, but not enough to stop the words from coming out. Warm hands trailed over Ray’s naked chest as Fraser answered, carefully not looking at Ray’s face. “No, not always.”
Ray couldn’t decipher if Fraser was unhappy about that or not. Maybe this had been making love after all. He placed his hand on Fraser’s chest and bent down to kiss him. “Then I guess we just have to make sure I’ll get the hang of this,” he murmured before his lips touched Fraser’s.
Fraser’s hand came up to stop him and he sat up.
“Frase?” Ray asked, confused.
“I’m sorry, Ray…” Fraser looked like he regretted it, too. “I can’t do this anymore.”
Panic washed over Ray like a sudden draft in an otherwise pleasantly warm room.
“I thought I could… but I can’t.” Fraser reached down to pick up his shirt.
“So that’s it?” Ray intoned tonelessly.
Fraser hung his head and sighed. He pulled his boxer briefs on and turned to Ray with beseeching eyes.
“You have to believe me when I tell you that your friendship is invaluable to me. I could never risk that and… I… I can’t continue with this charade.”
Ow… Ray flinched. That stung . A charade… so that’s what Fraser thought this was. There wasn’t enough for the real thing so Fraser was only acting his part. God, this hurt. Ray’s heart ached. He had known that Fraser wasn’t interested in him like that… and he couldn’t really blame Fraser for any of this mess. Ray had started this whole thing and Fraser hadn’t promised him anything.
“Okay,” Ray’s voice was scratchy and he didn’t get more past his closed-up throat. He swallowed heavily. “I get it… it’s okay…” Maybe he was telling himself that and not Fraser.
Fraser had shrugged on his shirt and was pulling on his jeans. “I can’t lose my best friend,” he said quietly.
“I don’t want to either,” Ray whispered with a constricting heart.
Fraser’s hand covered Ray’s. “Thank you, Ray… for everything.”
Why was Fraser thanking him? Was that his way to end a pity fuck? Thanks, it’s been real?
“…yeah…” Ray mumbled and watched Fraser walk out the door. He heard him call for Dief and a moment later the door shut behind them. Ray was alone.
He buried his face in his knees and tried to hold it together. So Fraser didn’t feel the same way about him… big deal… Ray pretended the soft noise at the back of his throat wasn’t a sob.
He kept busy enough the next day and tried not to think too much of Fraser. Ray was glad when Friday rolled around and he could set things into motion. He supposed that he should be grateful the thing with Fraser ended the way it did and not much later or in a fight. But it wasn’t much of a consolation.