Ruby had been at the Rabbit Hole for an hour now, she'd spent it flirting her way into some free food and a drink. While most people assumed she was the type to get plastered, she was not. She didn't even have a buzz, she liked being sharp, even in a bar. Her senses were a large part of her and when she was intoxicated they often went haywire.
While the company had been fine he was starting to get pushy and she wasn't in the mood for dealing with that type of man. The one that very much assumed that because he had bought her a drink and some wings that somehow meant that she owed him something. What a load of shit. Pushing out of the booth she excused herself and made her way to the bar skillfully avoiding the man. Spotting the usuals was what she had expected and that's who she saw until her eyes reached the end of the bar. Sitting there was a drunken Regina.
Robin had crossed over the town line only a few days prior so it only made sense to see Regina. That must by why see was drinking herself senseless. Catching the bartender's eye she beckoned him over.
“How many has she had” nodding her head toward Regina.
“Too many, but she threatened me with a fireball if I didn't keep serving her. I tried calling the sheriff but apparently Emma is already dealing with a drunken Leroy and a few of the lost boys are causing mischief.”
“I'll go… Make sure she gets home safe.” Ruby pushed off the bar and headed toward Regina. Regina hadn't always been the nicest person to her but she did owe her for wiping her of the memory of eating her boyfriend.
As she approached she could see Regina mumbling to herself.
“Hey,” Ruby slid onto the stool next to Regina’s. Momentarily Regina lifted her eyes toward Ruby and then back to the cup.
“What do you want wolf?” Her words were decently slurred.
“Well you looked like you could need a friend. I'll make sure you get home.”
There was a long pause. Regina looked back at Ruby, her eyes looked torn, her posture was fallen. Apparently Regina wasn't over Robin.
“Why is she with him?” Regina's word were a little less slurred but she could tell that the assumed large quantity of drinks in the mayor’s system were still winning.
“Because you told them to cross the town line, to save Marian’s life. It was your idea remember?”
“Not them,” Regina had almost sneered. “Why not me, I'm better.”
What the hell was Regina talking about. If not Robin, then who could she possibly be talking about? Now she was genuinely curious, the usually reserved mayor was now sitting next to her drunk off her ass and apparently Robin was the last thing on her mind. Now would be the best and only time to pry information out of her, and as the town’s number one resource of gossip it was her responsibility to find out right?
A loud noise brought Ruby’s attention back to Regina. The mayor had dropped her drink on the bar and was now holding her hands up in front of Ruby.
“I've got two hands.”
Ruby chuckled, “Yes, yes you do. But who are you talking about.”
“They shouldn't be together. He's a jackass, he'll hurt her.” Ruby snorted at hearing the mayor curse. A very determined look crossed Regina’s face “I should protect her.”
Shoving off the bar Regina made an attempt to leave the bar stool and almost lost her balance but Ruby caught and steadied her. “Whoa there Mayor, trying to take over as Savior? Who do we need to go protect?”
A flash of hurt crossed Regina's face but it passed quickly. The two were pretty intertwined as Regina was still standing. Now she was also trying to take off her jacket very unsuccessfully since Ruby had her arm wrapped around Regina's waist trying to keep her upright. “It's hot. I need less clothes. I can stand on my own, thank you very much.”
“Let's get you outside, some fresh air will be good huh? And then you can tell me who you're talking about.”
Regina just nodded as the two made their way outside. Ruby basically had to sweep Regina off her feet since it was almost as if the mayor was determined to become friends with the ground. People tend to forget that she's part wolf and a hell of a lot stronger than she appears. Eventually they had made it outside and to Ruby’s relief no one was anywhere near them, it was much quieter. Time to get down to business.
“Alright Regina, who are you talking about?”
She let the very inebriated brunette sit down on the ground. Less than a few seconds later Regina’s hands were back up near Ruby as if to show her something important and she had a pleading look on her face. “I have two hands.”
“Yes, yes we've been over this. You have two very nice hands.”
“I need to save her Red. She deserves better.” Hmm interesting choice of name calling, Red? Does that mean the Mayor is considering her a friend of a foe. Regina was almost trying to get up but Ruby managed to easily push her down. Frustration was written on Regina’s face now.
“Let me save her wolf.”
“It's a secret.” A blush formed on her face and it wasn't just from the alcohol.
“You can tell me. I promise I won't tell anyone.” Ruby was now extremely invested in finding out who this drunken mess in front of her thought she needed to save. She would eventually help the Mayor home but first she really wanted to know what was going on in the other woman’s head.
Regina was now sitting there staring at her hands like they weren't really her own. Damn the woman must have downed some really hard liquor.
“Why does she have to be straight? And with him .” The him had come out in a disgusted tone.
“I want her more than him.”
“Alright Regina you gotta give me at least a little context about who these two are. They aren't Robin and Marian right?”
“I don't want Robin, I want her .”
“No, not her. Haven't you been listening.” Regina sounded legitimately annoyed like she had made it clear who she was talking about. The woman was still sitting on the cement as Ruby was crouched down in front of her. Apparently Regina wasn't going to make it easy for Ruby to get the information out of her.
“Yes I have and you haven't told me who you're talking about.”
“He's an imbecile.” Well her vocabulary was improving somewhat to her usual intelligence, but the slur was still giving her away.
“That could be anyone in this town. Care to share a name?”
“That's a cereal Regina.”
Regina just huffed in annoyance. She made a move to stand so Ruby helped her up.
“Alright Regina, I give up. For now let’s take you home.”
Ruby had positioned herself so her arm was wrapped around Regina’s waist. They made it all of two steps before Regina decided walking didn't seem like a fun idea.
“Red, I want to kiss her. Her lips look soft.” Well that confirmed that the brunette in her arms was indeed bisexual like most of the Enchanted forest had assumed.
“You're her friend Red, tell me why she's straight. Women are so much better than men. Men hurt people.” That slightly narrowed down the list of people.
A car was approaching them, and none other than Emma Swan was behind the wheel of the police cruiser. She pulled up near them, rolling down the window.
“I'd heard she'd had a few drinks I didn't realize she'd drank the bar dry.”
Ruby looked at Regina who was now smiling. Alright that's an interesting turn of events, she had been pleading and looked sad up until then but now she was smiling at Emma...
Emma had stepped out of her car and was walking around to the duo that consisted of Ruby doing her damn best to keep Regina on her feet.
“I was on my way to find a few of the lost boys but here let me help. I'll drive her home,” The blonde was now holding Regina up on her other side. Regina’s focus was now solely on Emma.
“I have two hands.” Regina sounded very sure of herself like she was trying to prove a point.
Emma flashed a confused look at Ruby who shrugged. Regina was trying to get Ruby to loosen her grip while simultaneously get closer to Emma. They took a step toward the car. Ruby had a sinking suspicion that Emma was the one Regina had just been talking about so she wanted to test a theory. She let Regina go and the drunken mayor nearly fell over but Emma caught her.
“Hey there, ‘Gina let's get you home yeah?”
Regina twisted her body so that her and Emma were face to face. She very ungracefully cupped Emma's face in her hands.
“Captain Crunch is bad for you. I need to save you.”
Holy shit. The queen had it bad for the savior. Regina still thought Emma was with Hook, that's why she kept insisting she had two hands. Of course Captain Crunch, Hook. It made complete sense now.
If only the two idiots entangled in each others arms knew that they both had feelings for each other. It had been a few months since Emma had confessed to Ruby over a few drinks about her feelings for Regina. Which was inevitably the reason Emma and Hook had broken up nearly a month ago, but with Robin still in the picture Ruby and Emma hadn't expected that her friends feelings were reciprocated.
“Trust me Regina my cereal isn't going to hurt me. I'm going to be fine. I'm going to put you in my car and I'll take you to your bed. And when you wake up you're going to have a mind splitting headache.” Emma was oblivious to Regina staring at her lips.
Regina moved her lips closer to Emma’s and Ruby realized Emma was oblivious to the move just assuming Regina was drunk off her ass. As much as she wanted the two to be together since they would literally be rivaling the Charmings for cutest couple in Storybrooke, she didn't think that Regina would want their relationship started with a drunken kiss. Stepping forward she removed Regina from Emma’s grasp.
“Alrighty, I'm going to take her off your hands, she's been a bit grabby. And you've got a job to do sheriff.” Ruby lifted the drunken brunette over her shoulder like she was just carrying a large heavy bag. Regina looked just as astounded and confused as did Emma. “I'm stronger than I look. I don't think a car ride will be good for this one, and don't you have some lost boys to deal with?”
“Yeah, but I can help-”
“-nope no need, I've got this one sheriff. See you later.” Regina was about to protest and so was Emma so Ruby started heading toward Mifflin. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Emma shake her head confused and get back in her car. It wasn't an exceptionally far walk but the contents in her arm were now trying to wiggle herself free.
“Free me this instant Red, I need to tell her the secret.”
“Nope, you are going to bed. You can tell her tomorrow that you've got a lady boner for her.”
“How do you know that? It's a secret.” Regina was now trying to lean back to look at Ruby but she was failing miserably. She eventually put her hand on Ruby’s forehead and pushed her head back pretty forcefully until Ruby gave in and looked up at the brunette.
“Instinct. Now relax alright I'm going to get you in a nice warm bed and you can share your secret tomorrow once you're less drunk. I'm doing this for your own good you know. Let go of my head please I need to see where I'm walking.”
Regina quit squirming and released Ruby. She somehow managed to keep herself upright which was impressive to Ruby because she had the mayor’s waist right about at her shoulder. The mansion was in sight.
“Hey is your kid home?”
Regina placed a hand on Ruby’s head to steady herself as she tried to turn and look at her house.
“Henry is safe with Charms..”
They were now walking up toward the porch. Ruby gently set Regina down and as soon as she was released she sat down on the porch step. Apparently alcohol makes Regina incapable of walking and to want to share secrets. Which is hilarious to Ruby because the night Emma had gotten drunk Ruby nearly had to shove the blonde down to prevent her from running to tell Regina how she felt. Somehow they both under the heavy influence of alcohol wanted to spill their secrets to each other.
Looking under the mat she found a key.
“This is a really bad hiding spot.” She slid the key into the lock, it clicked open.
“Yeah but I have fireballs, no one will threaten my castle or my prince.”
“Right, okay Regina time to go inside.” No way was she going to let Regina live this down.
Regina scrunched up her face looking at her legs then looked up at her Ruby “My legs aren't listening.”
Ruby snorted, might as well carry her to her bed as well. She leaned down and scooped the mayor off the ground.
“You're very strong.” Regina was now trying to inspect Ruby’s arms as she carried her inside. “You don't look strong.”
“You're like the hulk.” Ruby chuckled at that, did Regina just compare her to a marvel hero? “Except you turn wolf so maybe not hulk.” They were now almost upstairs, Regina looked like she was almost trying to study Ruby.
“Wolverine. Strong, wolf and hero.”
Okay the mayor definitely read her son’s comics in her spare time. And the thought of Regina being a nerd was greatly amusing to Ruby, she had now inadvertently found out two things about the mayor.
After a few doors she found what she assumed was Regina’s bedroom. This place was as big inside as it looked from outside. Maybe there's a spare bedroom, she could crash the night here in case Regina tried to make a break and tell Emma her big secret. She plopped the woman into her bed.
“Bring me Emma, now.” Regina almost demanded but her slight slur made the demand almost hilarious.
“Nope, it's just going to be me and you. Time to lay down.”
Regina very willingly laid down, Ruby pulled the sheets over Regina who looked like she was about to fall asleep. “I want her here Ruby. I command you bring her to me.”
“Sorry queeny, not going to happen. You'll thank me later.”
“It's your majesty. Now unhand me.”
“Regina I'm not even touching you anymore. Those are the sheets, you need to sleep. I'm going to go grab you a cup of water and find some Advil.”
Very unwillingly the former queen and current mayor curled on her side and closed her eyes. Ruby couldn't begin to imagine what Regina would have tried if Emma had gotten her into the cruiser. She smiled down at Regina. These two idiots needed to be together, all that bickering over the years was just heated flirtation and now they were both single and ready to mingle.