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forgive me father for i have sinned

that's what sentaro says through the years looking up in the chapel his hand freshly sticky every time he puts on his headphones and listens to the tunes he used to play in the basement with kaoru

he can't help himself he doesn't even try he just closes his eyes and lets the music and the memories wash through him… he doesn't mean to touch himself but somehow that's what he does and afterwards he wipes his fingers on his clerical robes and looks up at the ceiling and beyond and asks for forgiveness

and then one day out of the blue suddenly kaoru is standing there in the church looking at him

they talk awhile as if they haven't been apart all these years and then, as suddenly and out of the blue as he arrived, kaoru says, have you thought about me at all since then?

sentaro feels heat rise to his surface thinking about all the ways he's thought about kaoru since then

oh god father forgive me—and he kisses kaoru for the first time since then

and kaoru kisses him

and it feels like

it feels like