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How Did You Get That Up There?

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There are some days when Kei thinks that the Dumbass Duo have done it, that they’ve hit rock bottom. That’s it. he thinks, on these days. They can’t get any stupider. This is the maximum I will have to deal with. Unfortunately, these days are always preceded by an even worse kind: the days when they do surprise him, and not in a good way, by surpassing themselves.

Today is one of those days.

It had started normal enough: they had morning practice, where the first years stared in awe at the legendary Karasuno Volleyball team, or at least until Kageyama accidentally hit Yamaguchi in the face with his block (they’re working on it, apparently even the King is not good at everything). He had his morning classes, which he did his best not to sleep through. If anyone else got caught sleeping during class, he and Yamaguchi were going to have to talk to the Vice-Principal, which was never fun. He still hadn’t let the stupid incident in their first year go, even though neither he nor Yamaguchi were involved in it.

Then it was lunch break. Normally, he and Yamaguchi joined Hinata and Kageyama, mainly to make sure no windows were broken or teachers hit on the head when the volleyball inevitably came out. Today, however, Kei had homework and a headache, so he told Yamaguchi to go on without him and to also remind the two idiots that if they messed up, they wouldn’t be allowed in the gym for a week.

“They’ll just play outside, and get into even more trouble.” Yamaguchi tells him, in a tired sort of tone. Kei looks him dead in the eye, completely serious.

“I’ll steal all of their volleyballs.” he says. “I don’t care how many they have.” Yamaguchi laughs.

Kei’s thinking about the benefits of naps when he hears his name being called from the classroom entrance: “Tsukishima-senpai?”

It’s a little first year, their reserve libero, looking entirely lost and also a little scared. Kei goes up to him. “Yes?” he asks, trying not to sound too terrifying. Yamaguchi has been telling him that he needs to work on that.

“Uh, Kageyama-san is downstairs and he says he needs your help.” the short kid says. Kei tries not to sigh too loudly.

“Okay, thanks.” he says, instead of cussing loudly like he wants to. The first year scurries off, only too glad to be gone. Kei wishes things were that easy for him.

Kei heads downstairs to find the idiots. Knowing them, they probably managed to hit the Vice-Principal again. Maybe they actually knocked him out. That might actually be much easier to deal with.

When he gets there, he discovers that it’s actually a lot worse than he had predicted, which is saying something.

He finds them by the soccer field, staring up a tree. There are three shoes on the ground around Kageyama and Hinata. Yamaguchi is also on the ground, shaking and clutching his stomach, though no noise is being made- the way he laughs when he has been laughing for a long time. Kageyama is only wearing one shoe. Hinata looks like he’s trying very hard not to join Yamaguchi. Kei glances up at the tree and- holy shit.

“How did you get that up there?” he asks. His voice is calm and even, and a little bit scary, even to him. Kageyama flinches and doesn’t turn around. Hinata takes one look at him, and looses it.

Kei stares at the absolute morons he calls teammates and (grudgingly) friends. He takes a deep breath, looks up at the sky and pinches his nose. He counts to ten and then looks back down. “How did you get that up there?” he asks again, because there is a fucking broom several feet up a tree and he is seriously considering moving to fucking Greenland and becoming a dog sled rider. At least there, if something is annoying him, it can’t talk.

“We got the volleyball up the tree.” Kageyama explains in a quiet voice- well, quieter. “I took off my shoe to get it out, but then it got stuck. I went to get a broom, and Hinata used his shoes. He got them stuck.” Yamaguchi, who had calmed down slightly, starts cackling. Kei feels like embarking on a ten year long journey around fucking Antarctica. Then he notices Kageyama’s ears are flushing a bright red and how he looks so cute when he’s embarrassed, and he calms down a little. Maybe a three year journey instead.

“So we used the broom to get our shoes down.” Kageyama continues. “But then it got stuck.”

Yamaguchi laughs even louder, if that were possible, but Hinata seems to have calmed down enough to start arguing. “It wasn’t my fault.” he says, seriously.

“Yes it was!” Kageyama yells immediately, and man, Kei thought they got over their stupid argue-about-anything phase by the end of their second year. “You were supposed to receive the ball, not send it up the tree dumbass!”

“ENOUGH!” Kei yells, in his best vice-captain voice, and it immediately puts a stop to their arguing. “You guys are supposed to be third years! Yamaguchi, pull yourself together it’s not that funny. Hinata, go find some rope.” he orders. Hinata races off, obviously eager to leave this mess. Kei wishes he could too.

Yamaguchi sits against the tree in question and takes a deep breath. “Sorry Tsukki.” he says, though he stopped being sincere approximately eleven years ago. Kei ignores him.

“Kageyama,” he says and Kageyama finally turns around, though he still isn’t looking Kei in the eye. That might be a good thing. Kei isn’t sure how long he can maintain this angry façade if Kageyama looks him in the eye. Probably not very long.

“’m sorry.” he mumbles and scuffs his bare foot against the ground. He looks way too cute like this, like a little kid who got caught trying to get to the candy. Kei can’t stay mad for long.

“Next time, wait for me first.” he says, instead of yelling like he probably should. He doesn’t want a next time, but there undoubtedly will be one.


“Put your shoes on.” Kei rolls his eyes. He sits down next to Yamaguchi, and they both avoid eye contact with each other, instead watching Kageyama grumpily pulling on his shoe.

“I kinda wish I taped this.” Yamaguchi whispers to him.

“Shut up Yamaguchi.” That would have been appreciated though.

“Sorry Tsukki.”

Kageyama is pouting now, though he never seems to be aware of it. “Get over here.” Kei opens up his arms and Kageyama hurriedly moves to sit in front of him, in between his legs. They fit together pretty well and it never fails to make Kei feel all mushy inside. Kageyama leans back against Kei’s chest and Kei drops a quick kiss to his soft hair.

“Why are you such an idiot?” he asks rhetorically. Kageyama doesn’t respond. He’s relaxing slowly now, melting into Kei’s arms.

“He’s asleep.” Yamaguchi announces quietly a few moments later, in awe.

“Dork.” Kei mutters and tries not to join Kageyama.

They eventually get the volleyball out, though neither Kei nor Yamaguchi do any work. Instead they watch Hinata and Kageyama struggle to figure out why they need the rope anyways. They get the broom down by tossing a shoe tied to the rope over it using Kageyama’s “drop toss” to do that. The shoe they threw up gets stuck and as they try to get it down, the volleyball falls and hits Hinata on the head.

Kei’s stomach hasn’t hurt this much from laughing in ages.

He also hasn’t kissed Kageyama so many times on campus before, but he was pouting and his eyes were big and confused and how was he to resist?

He still doesn’t really understand how they got the broom up there though.