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Spiders; Mans New Best Friend

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“Scott! Defcon 2 buddy, I need you now! ASAP! Like right the fudge now,” Stiles shouts into Scott’s doorjamb (yes it looks weird yelling into the corner of the door, but he’s tested it and his voice travels further than when he yells into the middle of the door). “I’m serious man, it’s huge black and hairy and will not get out of my bed and I’m scared to go back into my apartment. If I die because I have to go face that thing by myself I want you to remember this mo-” Stiles voice trails off when the door is opened by distinctly not Scott, Allison, or Isaac.


The man frowning at him through the opened door looks both concerned and confused, but more importantly, hotter than the freaking sun. He has the most adorable serial killer eyebrows (and yes adorable and serial killer normally do not go together, but work with him, because when you have the most attractive man in the world peering down at you with the eyebrows of Colin Farrell the serial killer eyebrows are adorable) and he’s looking over his shoulder as if he’s on the lookout for danger and has an arm raised as if to shepherd Stiles in through the door, and holy shit the serial killer is a gentleman.


“Are you okay?” his savior asks conscientiously, “Did they try to stop you from leaving? Would you like me to call the cops?”


“Fire brigade maybe for when I burn the place down to get rid of it, but my if my Dad gets called out for a spider I’ll never hear the end of it.”


“A spider?” the man asks with the worlds cutest head tilt in the world (he looks like a confused puppy. An adorable serial killer gentleman puppy.)


“Yeah, I went to get into bed and it was sitting there on my pillow being all smug and bed stealing.”


“Oh thank god,” the man breathes, “I thought you had someone in your bed refusing to leave when you asked them to.” As if remembering that they’re still standing in the doorway he takes a step back and gestures Stiles inside.


Brushing past his serial killer in shining armour (and holy shit his arms are as firm as steel) Stiles makes his way through to the living room where Scott is snuggled down with Allison and Isaac since he apparently made to move towards the door when Stiles was pleading for his life. Which is beyond rude. Apparently Scott has added a fourth exponentially hotter fourth person to his polyamorous relationship and then decided to leave Stiles to the tender mercies of the ginormous spider currently taking residence in Stiles bed.


“Dude! I cannot believe you,” Stiles begins, “Did you even think about getting up?”


“I knew Derek would get the door,” Scott waves off his complaint.


“And I appreciate that Derek,” Stiles stresses as he turns to sincerely thank his serial killing savior, before turning back to stress to Scott, still snuggled up with two of his partners, “But you are supposed to be my best friend. I’ve accepted that I’m going to be forever alone while you shack up in polyamorous bliss, but I kinda want the forever part of forever alone to last longer than mid twenties. I’m too young to die of sleep deprivation because my bed has been taken hostage by some eight-legged fiend! Also, when were you going to tell me about Derek? I would have at least attempted to make a less panicked and semi-decent first impression to your new boyfriend. Oh! And why are you even adding add him to your thing? Tall, dark and traditionally manly isn’t even your type!”


“Hey!” Isaac interjects, “I object!”


“Perfect,” Stiles rebuts cheerfully, “Come deal with the spider the size of a dinner plate that’s stolen my pillow.”


“Objection withdrawn,” Isaac replies, his face taking on a slight green tinge.


“Thought so,” Stiles mutters darkly.


“Ahem,” Derek clears his throat, drawing Stiles attention back to his spot next near the doorway. “I might be able to clear up some of your current issues. Hi, I’m Derek, Isaac’s foster brother, and I am currently not in any sort of romantic relationship at the moment. Also, I will happily remove the spider from your bedroom, and if you happen to change your mind on being ‘forever alone’ I would love to take you out for dinner tomorrow.”


Stiles frowns at Derek, then turns to squint at the happy trio to confirm his story, then decides to go with it anyway because if they’re not fighting for the beauty that is Derek they clearly don’t deserve him. Turning back to Derek he nods decisively. “You know what? Their pull out is crazy uncomfortable, once you’ve gotten rid of the spider my bed will be much more comfortable.”