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And the Body Had a Mind of Its Own

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“I’ve made a mistake.”

He waits, tugging on his shoes.

“I was going to tell you-” he hears her take another deep breath, “I’m- it’s, god. Too good to be true. Too late.”

She’s trailing off and talking to herself, Matt appears in front of her and sits on the floor with a pair of her flats, putting them on her feet. “Come on, you need to tell me, Alex. It’s gonna be okay.”

Taking her hands he pulls her up and she loses balance, sitting back down again. She whispers something and all he catches is ‘-ding.’ This time, his arm is around her waist to pull her up, almost on auto-pilot because something really is wrong, she’s lost balance and upset. It’s her dizziness that concerns him most; she’s eaten and drank well, done nothing strenuous and generally had some time off, so why she is eludes him.

As he gets her stood up against him, she feels limp and unbalanced, looking at the floor with her eyes closing, she whispers, “I’m bleeding.”

Blood? That doesn’t sound good, it can’t be good if she’s this weak and dizzy. Fuck. “What? Alex, love, come on, I’m here. Where are you bleeding?” He can’t see any blood but the way she’s slumping against him, relying on him for balance (god help them) he needs to find out.

Tears roll down her cheeks and her breathing stutters, it’s difficult for him to know whether that’s part of whatever’s wrong or is her own emotional reaction. Giving up trying to get information, he decides to listen to her and take her to A and E, there’s clearly something very not right and he can try and find out more in the car. Making the choice to sit her down before he tries unlocking the door incase she lost her balance again, he places her back on the step, grabbing a hoody of his that is on the end of the stairs and putting it around her shoulders. In moments he’s got the door unlocked and turns to collect her only to find her laid back on the stairs, jaw slack and eyes shut. “Alex?!”

Leaning over her, Matt grabs her jaw and moves her to look at him - what were you meant to do if someone passed out? She did pass out. He refuses to consider any alternative explanation. As he brushes some hair out of her eyes, sees them flutter open and she seems surprised about her situation. Looking around her Alex breathes deeply, locking her eyes on him, “That was weird.”

Matt could almost laugh, there he is so concerned over what’s going on, she blacks out and come to calling it ‘weird’. “You’re telling me.” Hooking his arms under hers, he starts to pull her up intending to get them moving for someone to at least explain what’s going on and sort Alex out. While he pulls her up he sees her hands stroking over her lower stomach, something inside him tells him that maybe Karen was wrong - this is some sort of clue. Getting her out the front door and sitting her in the car he quickly goes back and locks the house up.

Climbing into the drivers seat he watches how she tries to fasten her seatbelt with a lack of coordination, arms appearing weak. “Karen told me.” Matt’s busy looking around the car as he backs them out, pulling onto the road, he hears another stop in her breath.

“No. It’s-”

Matt stops on the road side to click her belt for her and places a hand beneath her chin, tilting it  up to place a kiss on her cheek - she might not want much intimate affection if she doesn’t feel well. “It’s okay. You should just say, love.”

She seems frustrated but words aren’t coming easily to her, when she speaks her voice sounds frail. Licking his lips and piecing some things together, when they pull out onto the main road Matt ventures, “Is this to do with that?”

“Heh? W-what?” Alex’s voice quivers and he’s quickly learning that any questions will have to be well explained and to the point. Matt doesn’t want to waste her effort in speaking when she sounds like that; he knows how it feels when you’re ill and don’t want to talk, the determination it takes.

Risking a glance over at her, Alex looks white as a sheet with her body defeated against the seat and hands on her stomach again - it either hurts or she feels sick... or both. Okay, Matt tries mentally sifting through the evidence, Karen said she was menopausal-this isn’t right- her stomach does hurt though. Bleeding? Maybe she is then, what if it’s wrong? How can it be-it’s not unusual-then again what do I know about it.

“Are you bleeding, like- is it your period?” Focussing on getting them where they need to be, he can just hear her sniff.

“Maybe.” It’s no more than a whimper, but he thinks it might be more to do with how she’s tying herself up in knots emotionally, “Matt- I- you shouldn’t be driving.”

“What?”

With her breathing slow and even as she speaks, “I n- need to tell you something.”

He swallows, they’re on the road to the hospital now and they’ll be there in moments, “You aren’t... you’re not going through the change are you?” Almost certain in his question now.

“No.” Pulling into a parking space, he’s about to get out and collect her, but he really needs to know what’s up - what if she blacks out again? He needs to be able to tell them what’s wrong. Alex looks like she’s given up whatever fight with herself she had.

“So tell me.” Matt speaks simply, “Then we’ll get you inside and I’ll hold your hand until everything’s better again.”

It’s an idealistic image but he means it, he’s expecting some kind of pause from Alex, but words seem to trip out of her mouth without effort, almost separate to her, betraying her. “I’m pregnant.”

“No...” he breathes out. She can’t be, she physically cannot and even if she could the odds were against them. With a squeak, “How?”

Alex smiles, honest to god smiles and he realises what an idiot he is to ask that. “When did you find out? Really? I can’t believe-” Matt’s absolutely stunned and his insides feel like they’re shaking with excitement and fright simultaneously, then it hits him, “Shit, bleeding.” With that he jumps out of the car, racing around to  her and helping her out, she still feels weak in his arms coordination still not great but at least it’s no longer deteriorating.

“I’m sorry.”  Her eyes are glassy when they meet his, but he shuts the door and locks the car quickly behind them. With an arm around her waist, he feels her drop her head against his shoulder and the more he thinks the more sick he feels. The hand around her waist smoothes it’s fingers in circles on her side.

She was pregnant. That’s some kind of miracle. They’d never even considered it - outside of conversations on her past and what they were going to do about contraception. Which they didn’t really use. He’s not really sure how to digest it all, but she’s not well and she’s bleeding and maybe he won’t have to digest it because it might be slipping away from him already.

They go through the double doors inside and he takes her straight over to the desk, not really sure what he’s about to say because two minutes ago he had an ill Alex in his hands, now it’s... well it’s her and a baby. His baby. Matt thinks he might black out now too.

Registering the woman at the desk he manages to stutter something out about what’s going on and they soon have Alex into a wheelchair and moving along the corridors. He follows them, trying to keep up but Alex doesn’t seem to be very aware of her surroundings anyway - her eyes seem glazed, hands on her stomach still and it’s falling into place for him.

----

Sitting in a private room next to a bed, his eyes never leave her. The staff are all being lovely but rather too unhurried for his liking. Alex has barely said a word, now staring at the ceiling, lost in her own thoughts - a hand still on her stomach, whether it was in pain or to comfort he didn’t know. Leaning forward he speaks quietly, she’s so fragile before him that he thinks loud noises might shatter her, “Does it hurt?” Gesturing at her stomach.

Not looking at him just hums sadly, “Mmm.”

With a look of confused wonder, his hand reaches out to touch hers before slipping under it, staring at her stomach - trying to note some change. Resting his hand tentatively on her stomach and it feels... softer. How far along was she?

A nurse comes in and informs them that she just needs a blood sample, Alex sits quietly and lets her take it before laying down again, her shirt riding up a little and he sees it. On her back, he could normally see her hipbones, her smooth flat stomach between them, but there was a small mound. “It’s there,” he points out dumbly.

Alex’s eyes meet him for the first time in the twenty minutes they’ve been there. It seems as though she’d detached from reality as her eyes seems to properly open and really see him. “I didn’t know how to say.”

“You could have told me.”

“I didn’t- just wanted some time. It’s hard.”

“I know. I’m absolutely speechless so you can’t be taking this with a pinch of salt,” his eyes are soft, fingers stroking on her stomach, “When were you going to tell me?”

She lets out a shuddering breath, “Soon. Today. I just needed you home and rested first.”

“You have to start putting yourself first now anyway.” Eyes latched on her stomach still, as though he will note something to tell him what’s wrong, “When did you find o- the doctors appointment last week?”

Alex looks guilty.

“You went for a cold.”

“I went because Karen thought I should, before I told you- I didn’t even think of this.” A small incredulous laugh escapes her.

“Fucking Kaz, I had the exact opposite idea in my head.”

They sit in silence, waiting on someone to arrive and direct them some more. It all passes in a blur for Matt, who’s incapable of processing many details, still mulling over the idea of Alex being pregnant before his head reminds him that she might not be anymore and then he’s back at square one wondering again.