When it began Tony hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary. Waking up December 1st to find the tower covered in Christmas decorations had been startling enough.
Getting kissed under the mistletoe, just seemed par the course. When Clint took part in decorating there was usually copious amounts of mistletoe involved. Even during Halloween.
Pepper being the one to kiss him, might have also played a part.
He’d been to busy reeling from the pain that the somber kiss had brought, to notice anyone else in the vicinity. It had been three years since they separated. He’d never quite forgiven himself for the hurt he’d seen on her face. The hurt when she told him, she wouldn’t make him choose between her and Ironman. That Ironman was the right choice.
He knew what she’d been saying with that kiss. He could hear her voice echo in his mind. “Forgive yourself already. I forgave you long ago, even though there was nothing ever to forgive Tony.” He’d seen it in her eyes.
He found that forgiving himself hurt. Hurt helluva lot. He sunk down to the floor of the elevator head in his hands as the doors closed on her retreating form. When the elevator reached his work shop he couldn’t bring himself to move. The pain securing him to the floor like gorilla glue.
Later he’d noticed that Natasha had scooped him up off the elevator floor, brought him into the common room and settled them both on the couch. She sat curled around him, running her fingers through his hair. How to Get Away with Murder playing on Netflix, in the background. He’d come out of his dazed state, offering her a soft smile, and snuggled into her side. They'd watched Netflix until they both had fallen asleep.
No room for suspicion at all.
In his shock and remembered grief, he hadn't noticed the two unhappy Super Soldiers. Their twin gaze burning a hole into Peppers neat strawberry bun. Natasha grinning triumphantly behind them, finishing the last of Clint's noodles.
Tony had been enjoying a tasty blueberry muffin and sipping his coffee, when it happened a second time.
He'd been arguing back and forth with Bucky the merits of sound quality in music. Bucky claiming records had better sound, versus Tony's high tech sound system. Steve sat to Bucky's left shaking his head at their early morning antics. Steve busied himself sketching the sunlight peaking in the kitchen window, letting the argument wash over him.
Just as Tony began preparing his winning argument, Thor came bouncing into the kitchen.
Thor greeted them with jovial, “GOOD MORNING SHIELD BROTHERS, WHAT FEAST AWAITS?”
No one had the opportunity to answer, before Thor exclaimed, “AHA! THE VILE FESTIVE GREENERY HAS CAPTURED YOU IN IT'S THRALL, LET ME RESCUE THEE FAIR ANTHONY!”
With that Tony found himself with a mouthful of enthusiastic Norse God. Granted, he wasn’t complaining about Thor accosting him with his scratchy beard or his vigorous tongue.
Only come to think of it he was actually complaining.
Don’t get Tony wrong, it turns out Norse deity's are fantastic kissers. He might have enjoyed it more, however if he hadn’t had a mouthful of blueberry muffin at the time. As it was, he was the only one who wanted to be eating his breakfast, thanks Thor. Thor finished his jubilant efforts on Tony's mouth. Then declaring quite loudly, “I HAVE DEFEATED THEE FOUL MISTLETOE!” he plucked the offending plant from its place on the ceiling. Grabbing his morning box of pop-tarts he then sashayed back out the kitchen from whence he came.
Tony sat at the counter in a daze looking thoroughly kissed and confused, mouth ajar. Steve and Bucky stared tight-lipped and white knuckled across from him. Both glaring in the direction into which Thor had disappeared. The granite under Bucky's metal arm began to groan from the pressure. Steve's notebook pages began to tear.
“Right. Well. I am just going to go and hide now.” squeak apparent in his already wobbly voice. Tony got shakily to his legs and stumbled his way to the elevator that led to his workshop.
All his brain power must have been hoovered out through his mouth for, he missed the sound of granite cracking in his haste to leave.
If anyone in the kitchen had been paying attention that morning, they would have heard muffled giggling coming form the vents. Followed by angry muttered Russian and the sound of Clint Barton squealing in pain. Natasha decided that Clint wasn’t allowed in on her plans anymore. He’d almost foiled the entire mission, on top of making Tony uncomfortable.
He might have caught on the third time he’d found himself under the mistletoe, if it hadn’t happened mid battle. Loki had decided that enchanted mistletoe would provide ample distraction for his get away. Gluing Tony directly in the path of a falling building, with it seemed to be an added bonus. Batshit insane Asgardians. JARVIS had the foresight to evacuate him forcefully from the suit.
Unfortunately the stupid greenery followed him as he flew through the air sans suit. He landed haphazardly in a heap. The magic forced him to stand and then glued him to his new spot. Which was when he found himself mid battle against Loki's fucking ice creatures.
The third purpose of the mistletoe other than trying to kill him, was to humiliate the fuck out of Tony. This became obvious when three of his temporary teammates came to his aide. They tried to lead the ice monsters away form Tony. Only to find themselves sucked into his orbit quite literally. Each time they tried to move away the three of them were only pulled closer.
Logan snapped at Gambit and Johnny Fucking Storm to “Stay the fuck still!”
They then formed a defensive triangle around the vulnerable Ironman. Thankfully the beasts were easily dispatched after that and the battle came to a swift finish. Unfortunately that's when it dawned on them that the magic was sucking them closer to Tony.
Tony's face flushed with discomfort when he realized they were going to have to kiss him to get free.
Logan’s cursing drew the attention of the rest of their respective teammates. Including but not limited to, an amused Clint, a guilty look Thor, an annoyed Rouge and two very murderous looking Super Soldiers.
Logan growled out a terse “Fuck it!”, grabbed Tony’s jaw and laid a hot and fiery kiss on the flush faced genius. Logan pulled away looking annoyed, a little flushed himself and short of breath. Gambit shrugged and leaned into give Tony a quick, but sultry kiss and pulled away with a devils smile on his face.
Johnny Fucking Storm looked Tony up and down with eerily familiar eyes, like he was a hot piece of meat. Then stated for all and sundry to hear, “Must be my lucky day.”
He cupped Tony's face, kissing into his mouth hot and heavy. The third kiss, thank fuck, immediately released the four them from the spell. The mistletoe vanished and Logan stormed away snarling about insane Asgardians. Which did not explain why Johnny was still kissing a stunned Tony. He finally let go of Tony's face and with a saucy smirk said, "You can call me anytime, Hot Stuff."
Only to turn right around and run smack dab into the chest of a very pissed off Winter Solider.
All color drained out of Johnny's face. Captain America step up right behind him, the same deadly look on both their faces. Johnny nearly pissed himself in fright. One of them was enough, two of them was a nightmare.
“I-I-I” was all he got out before Bucky snarled and Steve said, “You were just leaving.” in his scariest Captain America voice. It wasn't a question. He found he couldn't leave fucking fast enough.
In unison they turned to a panting and pale Tony, who seemed to be going through some sort of shock and exhaustion. The spell had clearly taken its toll. They watched worriedly as Tony leaned heavily into Natasha's side.
“I've got you Antoshka.” she hummed as she lead him away to be checked over by Bruce.
Natasha had been seething with rage after the fact. They had almost completely ruined her mission and nearly gotten Tony killed. Thor and Clint, were in so much fucking trouble. Clint for telling Thor about mistletoe in the first place. Thor for trying to reconnect with his brother using midgardian customs. Now she had to do damage control. Maybe a Lord of the Rings marathon with her, Rhodey and Sam and a cup of hot buttered rum, would cheer Tony up. She would deal with Thor and Clint later.
The fourth time he’d found himself under the mistletoe, suspicion set in. Although he couldn’t be sure if that was due to his last disaster with the stupid plant or not. It didn’t help his confusion any that it was Coulson he found himself locking lips with.
Tony had been exiting the debriefing room when he'd collided with Coulson. Coulson helped him up from the floor, looked up and sighed. He pressed Tony into the door frame. Tony at a loss for words, eyes wide let it happen.
“Mistletoe.” was the only word Coulson intoned in his blank voice. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss against Tony's lips. Then continued on into the debriefing as if nothing out of the Ordinary had transpired.
Tony blinked. He looked up to find the plant hanging above him and let his suspicions grudgingly subside. He shrugged and with a laugh on his lips he walked out of the room. As he left he failed to notice Steve's pencil snapping in half.
Or Bucky's murderous eyes trained on a bored looking Agent Coulson. The rest of the shield agents in the room, did not share in Tony's oblivious state and fled the room in terror.
Natasha smirked down at her report. She watched the two men get up to stalk after Tony, scaring baby agents in their wake. Phil turned and gave her a covert wink. At least one of her lovers was competent enough to help her during this delicate mission.
By the fifth time, he figured someone had set up an elaborate prank. Or for a bet of some sort even if the stakes weren't immediately clear. His money was on Clint. Except the part Loki had gotten wind of the time honored tradition via Thor.
That had been a horrible fluke. (Thor had apologized profusely. He promised not to ever try and convert Loki with the wonders of Christmas.) Tony got his revenge on Thor anyway, the old hair dye in the shampoo trick was a classic. The god had smiled taken it in stride. Even commented that the evergreen color his hair now sported, was very festive.
Luckily this time around he'd got caught with Natasha.
They’d both been deep in discussion as they walked into the training room. Natasha had caught a glimpse of the stupid plant out of the corner of her eye. She stopped him, pointed silently to the offending plant and raised a delicate eyebrow. Immediately he looked up. Then smiled brilliantly at her and laughed. Clint couldn’t embarrass him, this way. Natasha smiled a small genuine smile and leaned in. She planted a light lingering kiss on his lips. Pulling away seconds later he smiled at her fondly.
The joke was on Clint really, because now he'd been kiss by both his lovers. Legolas would be furious. He went to say as much when an ominous sounding thud, followed by a loud grinding crack drew his attention.
Natasha watched as the last of the Super Soldiers will snapped. It was about damn time.
Tony turned, only to see an 800 pound Kevlar speedbag embedded into the cement wall. Bucky standing across from it chest heaving, hands in tight fists at his sides. The grinding crack had been the sound of Steve ripping the dumbbell bar clean in half. The dumbbell bar calibrated specifically for super soldiers.
His eyes wide, he approached Bucky cautiously worried maybe he had a flash back.
“Are you alright James?” he said tentatively. Steve approached slowly from Bucky's other side and they both turned to look at Tony. Eyes ablaze with unnamed emotion. Tony stepped back a little startled. Their eyes softened in an eerie unison in response, but they were still staring at him intently.
Bucky spoke then voice sounding raw “Stevie, you thinking what I am thinking?”
“If you're thinking that you're fucking sick of people kissing on our fella, before we even got the chance to ask him on a date, then yeah Buck. I am thinking EXACTLY what your thinking.”
“Good.” Then with a feral grin Bucky scooped a speechless owl-eyed Tony up into his arms. He pressed a hot and hungry kiss into Tony's stunned mouth. Steve leaned over Bucky's shoulder and stole his mouth into an equally hungry kiss.
Devouring the moans and whimpers Tony couldn't help,but to emit. These he thought were the best kisses he had received by far. Out stripping every kiss he'd had to date. He felt consumed by them. Tony was in heaven.
“Fuck mistletoe.” Steve said pulling away panting harshly. Which had Tony cracking up in Bucky's arms. Prompting both Super Soldiers to smile dazzlingly up at him in response.
“What do say Tony? Be our Fella?” Steve his voice soft.
Bucky added “So only, WE can kiss you anytime we damn well want?”
Tony smiled down at them both. “Yeah, I’d like that. Seems, like I’ll be getting what I want for Christmas after all.”
“You’re such a sap.” Bucky grinned.
Tony stuck his tongue out at the both of them. Bucky and Steve kissed him fiercely for his for his trouble.
Natasha slipped out of the training room unnoticed, a soft smile on her face. Mission accomplished.