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Safe and Secure

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It is a few months after he has made friends that Sirius starts to feel truly comfortable in Gryffindor tower. It takes that long for him to convince himself that his mother cannot get in, can’t rip him away from his new house, and is not going to transfer him off to the Durmstrang. Perhaps the shame of a Black in Gryffindor is less than the same of a Black that does not attend Hogwarts at all. It doesn’t matter. All that matters to Sirius is that he is starting to feel like he really belongs somewhere. He has friends who are not setting out to achieve any sort of social gain and teachers that are not afraid of his father for the first time. Some people care about his name and others don’t, but that is ok with Sirius. He has his own opinions about some people too. Lily Evans doesn’t bother him because she is a Muggleborn, but because she is so uptight about things. If he had just learned about a whole new world, he is sure that he would see it as far more of an adventure than Lily does.

By Christmas, he is settled, sure that his parents can’t remove him and first to sign up to stay at the Castle over Christmas. James thinks it isn’t right but Remus kind of gets it, but Sirius brushes them off with plans for what he can do with the castle half empty and the teachers a little tipsy. James gets excited about the possible pranks and the others fall into line behind him. Stuffy meals and talk of how young ladies were coming along in the race to win a marriage contract with the Black heir is really not something that Sirius wants any part of. There were always strange wizards staying over, women leering at him at dances as if sizing him up for their daughters, nieces and cousins. There is none of that this year. Hogwarts is cold, colder than Sirius thought possible because surely as wizards they can do something about it? Something about the chilled air after his Christmas dinner is comforting though, makes him wrap his scarf tightly around his face which in turn makes him feel secure, before he returns to the deserted Common Room and curls up in front of the fireplace. Normally, the older students claim these seats but Christmas is different and Sirius takes his chance. His presents from his parents lie unopened on his bed waiting for him and though he is slightly afraid of opening them just yet, it makes him happy that they are there at all. It gives him hope that he might be accepted after all and that things might be ok, childish as his hopes are given the letters he has received and the lack of resistance when he informed his parents that he was staying at the Castle. That is why he had put them aside in the morning, not wanting them to spoil his day if things didn’t go well. After eating far too much chocolate he pads up to his dorm and opens his presents, some good and others disappointing compared to those from his friends, and then falls into bed. He is completely alone in his dorm, and at the same time he feels safe, truly safe which is more than he would have felt at his house. It seems that Hogwarts is his home now and more importantly so is Gryffindor.