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The Truth of the Soul

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Clark flies in through the unlocked door leading out onto the balcony of Bruce’s bedroom. He doesn’t know how Bruce knew he was going to come but he doesn’t question it. Bruce is in his bed, lying on his stomach with no clothes on, but Clark can tell he’s not yet asleep. He wonders if Bruce was waiting for him.

Clark walks to the bed, Bruce yet having to acknowledge his presence in the room. He sits on the side, sighing within the quiet of the room, and listening to Bruce’s breathing. He wonders how long it’ll take for Bruce to say something if he doesn’t say something first. It could take a long time but he doesn’t mind. Clark doesn’t want to be the first to talk. He came to Wayne Manor in search of his friend for a very specific reason and he’s not so sure yet if he’s okay with the decision that he made, knows it’ll hurt every party involved, but he almost lost him and he...

He sighs again and Bruce stirs but still stays silent. Clark has his back to him and he can feel Bruce’s eye on him, boring into him as if he can see right through him.  Still no one talks and Clark swears an hour passes of silence, Bruce just lying there and Clark just sitting there. Clark’s heart is heavy with mixed feelings, feelings he doesn’t want to recognize.

Clark hears when Bruce finally sits up and scoots a little closer to him. He’s still far away from Clark, the bed being too large to even dream of being able to touch each other with such a small movement. When Bruce speaks, it cuts through the deafening silence and almost makes Clark jump. “What happened to spending time with Lois?”

Clark looks to his lap and tries to stop himself from feeling guilty but it’s useless because he was already feeling that as soon as he made up his mind to come here. “I already did and we decided to have supper together tonight.”

Bruce stays silent for the longest time and Clark has to stop himself from fidgeting. “Then what are you doing here?”

“I...” He doesn’t know how to tell him and it strikes him as funny because it’s normally Batman who is the one who struggles with this stuff. Clark takes a deep breath and trudges on. “I almost lost you.” He turns then and sees Bruce looking down at his lap, at the plush comforter covering it. Suddenly, he wishes Bruce was looking at him so Clark can see those beautiful blue eyes. “When you went up there in that rocket to stop the Kryptonite asteroid and when the rocket blew up, I was so angry at Luthor because I had thought I lost you, Bruce.” Bruce shifts, unease falling on his features. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you Bruce.”

Bruce finally looks up at him but his emotions are carefully hidden behind a mask. “Go back to Lois, Clark, now.”

Clark shakes his head and crawls onto the bed and approaches Bruce who stiffens. Clark wraps his arms around the man and buries his face into the crook of his shoulder. “I can’t lose you Bruce.”

“Clark,” Bruce warns, pushing at him slightly. “Let go of me.” Clark shakes his head and can hear Bruce’s heartbeat speeding up in his chest. “I mean it Clark, let go of me and go back to your girlfriend.”

“You left the door unlocked for me,” Clark murmurs and he feels Bruce tense even more. “You want this too, don’t you?” Bruce doesn’t answer but Clark knows Bruce understands what he is talking about. “Today made me realize something Bruce.”

“Clark,” Bruce warns again, pushing at Clark’s shoulders more insistently.

“Bruce I-” Bruce cuts him off.

“Don’t.” Bruce is shaking and breathing heavily and Clark knows he’s on the verge of panic. “Don’t do this. You can’t come back from this.”

Clark squeezes him tighter, shutting his eyes tightly against the sting of tears. Clark doesn’t even know why he has the urge to cry but it’s there and he is having a hard time stopping it. He wishes he had come to this conclusion long before today, long before he had almost lost Bruce to death. He wishes he had realized his feelings long before he ever felt that overwhelming relief he had in his chest when flying up into space to see that Bruce was okay, that he was alive. He wishes he learned of his feelings for the man way before Lois.

But that didn’t happen and here they are, Bruce on the verge of panic and Clark on the verge of crying because it hurts, his feelings hurt. “I’m sorry Bruce.” His voice sounds pathetic and he no longer can hold back the tears as his shoulders shake with the effort. “I’m sorry.” Clark doesn’t know what he is apologizing for but he feels the need and it gains him one of Bruce’s hands in his hair.

“It’s okay Clark.” Bruce pats him as he cries into Bruce’s shoulder. He feels pathetic, weeping like a three year old who didn’t get to go on that play date they were looking forward too. Bruce relaxes in his hold. “It’s okay Clark.” When Bruce pushes at his shoulders this time, Clark yields and allows himself to be pushed back. Bruce cups the sides of his face and uses his thumbs to wipe at the tears that fell down Clark’s cheeks. Clark stares into Bruce’s eyes, reads the pain there, and wishes he could make it go away. He hates to see Bruce in so much pain. “It’s okay Clark,” Bruce whispers and then finally leans forward, connecting their mouths.

Clark flutters his eyes closed at the contact, briefly wonders if Bruce does the same or if he’s studying him, and opens his mouth for Bruce’s tongue. Bruce takes it easy at first but soon he turns rough and demanding, as if he’s letting Clark know that Clark belongs to him. They both know he doesn’t but that doesn’t mean they can’t pretend for the moment.

Clark kisses him back just as vigorously, taking all of what Bruce can give him, desperation making its way through to both of them. It feels like Clark has waited ages to do this even though he’s just recently figured out what he feels. He wouldn’t be surprised if Bruce has waited ages knowing exactly how he feels. It pains Clark to think that Bruce has been allowing himself to suffer, standing by as Clark always goes back to Lois and that pain drives Clark to kiss him more, peeling his Superman outfit off.

He pushes Bruce back who still has a hold of his face, not letting up on the kiss. Clark pulls back himself and peers down at Bruce. He’s handsome, something Clark has always known. Clark takes the rest of his outfit off in haste, wanting to be naked with the man beneath him. He takes the covers and throws them off Bruce and observers him. Bruce is breathing heavily but his face is calculating with a hint of lust underneath that calm exterior.

“Bruce,” Clark breaths but Bruce’s hand flies to his mouth and covers it. Bruce shakes his head in the negative and that same pained expression overcomes him again.

Clark takes the hint and leans down again to capture Bruce’s lips in a searing kiss. He crawls over Bruce, avoiding any touch until he sits down, straddling Bruce’s thighs. Breaking the kiss, they both stare at each other, panting, before Clark rolls his hips and allows both their erections to rub together. They both groan at the same time. Bruce pulls Clark down to continue their kissing and Clark continues to roll his hips. Eventually Bruce moves his hand down Clark’s body and takes a hold of both of them, and it drags another moan out of each other. “Bruce I want you. I want you so bad, please let me, please Bruce,” Clark begs, breaking the unspoken rule to not talk.

Bruce gives him a stern look at Clark speaking but he reaches over to open the top drawer of his nightstand nonetheless. He pulls out a bottle of lube and hands it to Clark silently and he takes it. He scoots down Bruce’s thighs and goes in between them, spreading Bruce’s legs wide. He slicks his fingers and rubs his middle finger over Bruce’s hole before pushing that same finger in. He avoids eye contact with Bruce, not wanting to see either the impassiveness or the hurt in them.

Clark prepares him until he thinks he’s ready and then slicks his cock up. He finally looks into Bruce’s eyes as he hooks Bruce’s legs in the crook of his elbows and lines himself up, leaning over the man. Clark chokes down an agonized sound as he sees how Bruce is looking at him, those blue eyes expressing just how much emotional turmoil Bruce is in.

Clark kisses him and closes his eyes as he pushes gently in and Bruce moans into it. Bruce is hot and tight, nothing like he’s ever felt, not even Lois comparing. Clark whimpers and moves his lips to Bruce’s neck, sucking at the rapid pulse point there, and begins to move. He feels Bruce’s finger nails claw at his back as Bruce’s hands form into fists and he can hear Bruce panting and moaning in his ear. As Clark hits Bruce’s prostate, he drags his name out of those beautiful lips, Bruce breaking his own unspoken rule. “Clark!”

Clark peppers kisses onto his shoulder and feels the tears prickling at the edge of his eyes again so he squeezes them shut but they escape anyways, falling onto the pillow below. He’s never cried during sex before, never thought he ever would, but he supposes there’s a first for everything.

“Oh gosh Bruce,” he whimpers as he gets closer and closer to orgasm, his feelings overwhelming him. “You feel so good, so good, oh gosh I...” He cries into Bruce’s shoulder, allows the tears to now fall freely, and Bruce holds him tightly in a death grip. “I love you, oh gosh I love so much, I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” Bruce buries a hand into his hair and at the pull Clark comes inside him, shuddering at the blinding pleasure. Bruce groans loudly, reaching his own peak and coming between them, his semen smearing onto Clark’s and his own stomach.

They breathe heavily, Clark still crying into his shoulder as he shakes and Bruce’s hand still petting at his hair. “Clark,” Bruce begins breathlessly. “Clark.” Clark reluctantly pulls away and out of him, Bruce’s legs falling to the mattress in a heavy thump. Clark stares into Bruce eyes. They’ve hardened and Clark doesn’t like the looks of it. “Go back to your girlfriend Clark.” Clark shakes his head in agony, his heart feeling heavy. “Yes, Clark. Go back to where you belong, where you’re happy.”

“But I-” Bruce gives him a stern look that cuts him off.

“Go,” he growls and Clark feels his bottom lip quiver. Bruce’s look softens and he turns his head away. “Just please go Clark.”

Clark hangs his head, feeling defeated. He doesn’t know what to do. He lays his forehead onto Bruce stomach. “I could break up with her. Be with you.”

“No you can’t.” Clark looks up at that. “We can’t be together Clark.”

“Why?” Clark asks, desperation and all his pain being said into that one word. “I love you Bruce, I realize that now. I don’t love Lois anymore.”

“You have to love her Clark.” Bruce still refuses to look at him. “You have to.”

“I don’t...” His voice cracks. “I don’t understand.” Bruce finally looks at him and Clark is taken aback by the wetness in Bruce’s eyes. Bruce shakes his head and opens his mouth but nothing comes out. “Bruce.” He leans down and kisses Bruce gently. “Please,” he begs. “Please.”

Bruce pushes him away and Clark moves back. “We can’t Clark. My life doesn’t allow for relationships like this. We just... just can’t.” He sounds defeated and it pulls at Clark’s heart so he kisses the man beneath him again.

“Please,” he pleads again, kissing him all over. “Please Bruce, let us try. Let us just try. How can we know if your life allows relationships like this if we don’t at least try?” Clark sits back up, looks pleadingly into Bruce’s eyes.

Bruce scrutinizes him for a long time before beginning to speak. “I-”

Clark cuts him off. “Please.”

Bruce sighs and looks away again, off to the corner of the room. His whole body relaxes underneath Clark’s and Clark watches him closely. Silence creeps in but Clark still doesn’t take his eye off the man of his desires, the man who has so skillfully and stealthily taken a hold of his heart and claimed it as his. He sees the moment when Bruce comes to a decision, when Bruce surrenders to whatever battling feelings he has within himself. He looks back to Clark with a small but wary smile. “Fine Clark.” Clark feels the pain he was feeling in his chest rise and lift away. It’s replaced with such happiness and joy that it overwhelms Clark. He opens his mouth to speak but Bruce beats him to it. Bruce cups a side of Clark’s face with his hand. “This is a bad idea.”

Clark ignores him and leans down to kiss him, pushing his tongue into Bruce’s mouth. He still has to go and deal with breaking up with Lois, probably shouldn’t have made dinner plans with her knowing that he was going to have a sexual affair with Bruce, but he didn’t expect this turn of events. He expected to have sex with Bruce and then leave with both of them having being left with broken hearts that pined after each other. He certainly didn’t expect Bruce to give up so easily.

But for now he’s content with how things turned out. Almost losing his best friend in the whole world brought out feelings that he had thought didn’t exist but now those feelings are filling him up inside to the point that he feels like he is going to burst. He never wants to almost lose him again. He just loves him too much to allow it. “Thank you,” he murmurs against Bruce’s lips and the man, for the first time tonight, smiles with actual happiness within the expression. “Thank you.”