Why was it always him that got himself into these kinds of messes? The others seemed perfectly capable of not being captured by amorous land-crawling octopuses. Who, for some reason, seemed to think he was their perfect mate. These were the thoughts pondered by Kirk, as he watched helplessly while two giant octopuses battled for the rights to mate with him.
It had started off as a normal trip down to the surface of a planet, inhabited by lots of pretty blue people (Kirk couldn't for the life of him remember their names) who were eager to show them around. They showed them their mines, filled with precious stones and metal, their impressive fields and greenhouses and finally their rich and beautiful forest.
And that's where Kirk took a wrong turn somewhere and got lost.
Which lead him here, being tied up and waiting to see if the red or purple octopus would win the rights to his virtue. The purple one seemed to have the upper hand (tentacle?) and with a final blow he had the red one scuttling off into the forest again.
The purple one now set his eyes on Kirk and slowly slithered towards him, reaching out with his tentacles and carefully poking Kirk when he came close enough. Kirk gulped and tried to undo the ropes again but apparently octopuses really knew how to tie a person up.
Purply solved that dilemma for Kirk by untying him but along with the ropes, Kirk's clothes started to come off. Before he knew it, he was naked and held in a fierce embrace by four tentacles, while two more started mapping out his body. The suction cups felt like small kisses wherever they touched him and despite Kirk's best intentions, he started to get hard.
He had just started to wonder if this was a boy-pus or girl-pus, when the question was answered for him as he felt a tentacle slowly reach behind his balls and nudge at his entrance. Kirk was now painfully hard and desperately hoped that the octopus had injected him with some kind of aphrodisiac, because he had never before been particularly turned on by such creatures.
All of a sudden, all the tentacles let go of him at once and he fell to the ground with an undignified "oompf". As he lay there, the wind knocked out of him and looking up at the vibrant orange sky, a familiar figure came into sight, looming over him with a disapproving look on his well sculpted face.
"Captain, if I had only known you had sneaked off to copulate with the indigenous wild life, I wouldn't have had to worry our gracious hosts and headed out on a rescue mission" Spock said with a hint of a sarcastic smirk that he would deny every showing later.
"Spock, am I ever glad to see you! Now take me back to the Enterprise and finish off what my friend here started."
"As you wish, Captain."