She had not expected to see her. She didn't even know she was back. But when the rumour reached her, she almost ran down to Major Crimes to see if it was true. And there she was, in her Murder Room. Brenda was back. And Sharon wished, prayed, that she'd waited just one more day. One more goddamn day so she could get this whole thing with the leak over with without Brenda being here, without having to face the hurt she knew she was about to cause, but now she was here and Sharon could do nothing else but hope that somehow, things would be ok.
When Pope called Brenda to come with him, Sharon watched her walk away. The burden of what she was about to do, was about to cause, weighed heavily on her heart. She was hoping to avoid Brenda until it was over but when she went to the ladies' room, she found the blonde Chief washing her hands. Sharon went to turn around but their gazes locked in the mirror and Brenda softly, quietly, called her name. She had never been able to refuse her, to deny her. She turned around.
Sharon closed the door behind her and heaved a sigh. "Brenda," she said. For a moment she didn't move, unsure about where she stood. But then she saw the tears in Brenda's eyes and she crossed the small distance that separated them and enveloped Brenda in her arms.
"Oh Sharon," Brenda breathed into the brunette's ear. "I've missed you. I... I..."
"It's ok," Sharon soothed. She ran her fingers through Brenda's hair. It was soft and smelt of lilies. "It's ok." She held Brenda a little tighter. "I've got you, honey. I've got you."
She felt Brenda shaking. She was shivering. Sharon didn't know if it was because she was cold or because she was crying or simply because she was seeking refuge in Sharon's arms. Sharon drew meaningless circles on the small of Brenda's back. The blonde's lithe body was pressed against her, the way it had been so many times before, and she fitted perfectly in her arms. It was as if their bodies were shaped for each other.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," Sharon said when she finally felt Brenda pull away. She could see the shadows of grief in her eyes. She had sent a card, had sent flowers. She hadn't dared to call, not when Brenda was with Fritz. But now she got to say those words. She got to say them and they were real and they were painful. "Your mother was a remarkable woman and I liked her very much."
As she said those words, Sharon knew it wasn't just the loss of Willie Rae she was sorry for. She was sorry for everything else Brenda was about to lose. Her faith and confidence in one of her friends. Life as she had known it until now.
Their relationship had been complicated from the start and Sharon had never expected to fall in love with Brenda Leigh Johnson, much less expected Brenda Leigh Johnson to fall in love with her. It was complicated, of course, with Brenda being married, but it seemed that despite all that, they always found each other. And they kept finding each other, even after having twice said that they couldn't anymore.
"Thank you, Sharon."
Brenda wiped at her eyes. They were red and a little puffy. She tried to straighten up, fiddled with her dress, picked at her fingernails. But she continued to hold Sharon's gaze. "I err... Will tells me you have figured out who the leak is in my division?"
Sharon admitted it. There was nothing else she could do. "I think I do."
"Are you gonna tell me?" Brenda chewed her lip. She and Sharon both knew that really, she'd rather not know.
Sharon's heart sank. "Eventually."
Brenda turned back to sink and grabbed it with both her hands. She felt sick. Her head was pounding. "You know what this is going to do to me, don't you?"
"Brenda, this isn't the end. We both know this is inevitable. Something needs to change. And if I can be the one who does this for you, who shows you, then wouldn't you rather that then say, I don't know, Pope?"
Brenda sighed and shook her head. "How did I get here?"
Sharon walked up to her and slipped her arms around Brenda's waist. She pulled her closer until Brenda's back rested against her chest. "It's going to be ok," she promised and added a soft kiss to Brenda's shoulder with each word. She felt Brenda relax in her arms. "Maybe not right now but eventually."
Brenda managed to turn around, now pinned between the sink and Sharon's body. Through heavy lidded eyes she looked at her lover, inviting her to come closer, and Sharon did. Their lips met hungrily and Brenda's fingers entwined in thick, brown mane as she pulled Sharon deeper into the kiss. Her heart thundered so fast in her chest, she believed it would explode. She had missed Sharon, had missed how she made her feel, had missed how all of this made sense and felt so right.
"Touch me," she pleaded when Sharon briefly pulled away. The hint of despair in Brenda's voice nearly ripped Sharon in two. "Sharon, please."
This wasn't about love, or about what they had shared up until this moment. This was about feeling something, anything, when Brenda wasn't sure she could still feel at all.
So when Sharon slowly pulled up Brenda's dress, inched the fabric over her thighs and pressed her index finger against the damp centre of Brenda's panties, both women gave in. Brenda willingly parted her legs as Sharon pulled the fabric aside. She brought their lips together in a soft, sensitive kiss as she slid her fingers through Brenda's wetness before entering her. The blonde threw her arms around Sharon's neck and her body effortlessly adjusted herself to Sharon.
Sharon moved slowly and softly. She pushed in and out of Brenda with deep, gentle strokes and her thumb pressed against her lover's clit. Brenda's fingers clung to Sharon's shoulders and her buttocks were pressed against the porcelain sink. She clung on for dear life and desperately searched for Sharon's mouth. Their lips met and Brenda's tongue swirled around Sharon's. She shuddered when Sharon's left hand cupped her breast through her dress.
"Sharon," Brenda husked. "Oh..."
"It's ok," Sharon coached. "It's going to be ok."
Brenda felt almost brittle under her hands, like she could break at any second. She moved a little faster and a little deeper, pushed a little harder. Brenda now rolled her hips, pressed her centre against Sharon's hand.
Sharon understood Brenda just needed to forget, for a single moment, what was happening around her. Everything Brenda knew was falling apart and the only constant was Sharon. Their relationship was a secret but that didn't bother her. It was the strongest, most solid relationship Sharon has found herself in for years and she was prepared to accept it whatever way it came.
"Oh," Brenda squeaked softly. "Sharon... Oh, yes..."
There was an urgency to her moves now and Sharon let go off the softness and focused on Brenda's clit. She rubbed and flicked it as her index finger curled up inside her lover and Brenda's breaths became shallower and irregular. Her head fell back and her eyes began to roll and then her walls clamped up around Sharon's finger and with a soft whimper, Brenda came.
She collapsed against Sharon, her arms around her lover's neck, and Sharon carefully pulled her hand back. Only then did she realise Brenda was crying and she held her. And she would hold her for as long as she needed to.
And when they were finally alone in Brenda's office, the blinds drawn, Sharon watched the woman sitting behind her desk. She looked so lost, so forlorn.
She was about to say it again. The same thing she had said that morning. But she swallowed the words just before she spoke them.
"I'm sorry for your loss" wasn't going to do any good here.
Sharon wasn't sure anything would.