Actions

Work Header

dear diary, holy crap i think i'm in love with park jimin

Work Text:

it's four-thirty in the morning, the air is painstakingly icy and jimin fears that if he even moves a micro-muscle of his skin out of his warm bundle of blankets, he'll get frostbite. but his cell phone charging on his nightstand is ringing. not even just ringing persay; jimin is one of two of the only people who owns an iphone that is capable of setting the find my iphone alarm app on, the other is jeon jungkook. jimin knows he can ignore it, he's done it before; jungkook knows this too because it's been ringing for five minutes straight. it's so loud he fears his neighbors are going to hear it, and he's already gotten a complaint once about the time taehyung threw up over the balcony and nearly hit the mean old lady on the first floor who sings her cats to sleep. he's aware he's on thin ice and reluctantly reaches his hand out of the warm cocoon to break the illusion of himself relaxing in a sauna to nearly freeze to death. he finds his phone only after whipping the covers off, squinting through the almost complete darkness and seeing his phone vibrating away near his lamp. he grumbles before sliding his phone open, hurriedly typing in the password unsuccessfully twice, and calling jungkook.

it rings only half of once, and he hears jungkook's very much awake voice mumble nonchalantly, "ah, you're awake?"

"the whole apartment complex is now, you cock suck." jimin eyes the time on his phone before returning it back to his ear, "jesus, jungkook, it's four in the fucking morning, what do you want?"

"i need a house sitter."

"a what?"

"a house sitter." jungkook repeats. "a person, typically a friend or family member, anyone a trust-worthy companion would be, who watches over the hou-"

jimin cuts him off after angrily rubbing his face in exhaustion, "i know what it means, you brat. i mean why are you calling me about this now? i'm asleep, if you've forgotten that normal people and not the spawns of fucking satan sometimes sleep at this hour because they may or may not have classes in the next couple of hours."

"well i'm sorry if i'm just an early riser."

"you were watching porn and beating off all night again weren't you?"

jimin can almost hear the blush forming on jungkook's face. "what? no. of course not. you wouldn't have proof of that anyway."

"i've looked through your history, genius."

"nonsense! my laptop has an extremely difficult combo that only the most intelligent man in the world would only get right on the first ten tri-"

"it's gdragonbuttfuck97-"

"motherfUCKER-"
 

 

 

for one person, jungkook has a relatively big apartment. much bigger than need be, but jimin guesses if one were spoiled and filthy rich they would live as how jungkook would. jimin only complains because he is a broke bitch with not even a nickel to spare because it contributes to his dinner and he'll be damned if he were to starve with such a perfect physique going on. he never complains however when jungkook is always paying for things like his lunches and his video games and maybe even once or twice his rent. jungkook may be an asshole but he was a caring asshole; jimin is very grateful.

which is why he doesn't really feel he has the right to bitch and whine about house sitting jungkook's unnecessarily huge apartment. for one, he really owes jungkook big time, and for another his place is fun. jungkook is still a kid at heart; he has a frozen yogurt machine, icee machine, popcorn machine, pool table, ping pong table, a pinball machine, a fucking trampoline. in his apartment. amongst the various other bullshit in his home that one would only see at a movie theater, he has a trampoline and jimin envies him to a high extent above being friends. the only thing jimin can really gripe about is how incredibly sloppy and vile the boy is. he has socks hanging off of his refrigerator for christ's sake. there are probably cockroaches playing uno under the kitchen sink and jungkook could care less because he is one himself and one is always so comfortable when their kind is near.

and his "pets". his fucking "pets".

jungkook couldn't have been a normal person and wanted a dog or a cat or a bunny even. no. he had to have snakes and tarantulas and african bull frogs living with him. to make matters worse, jungkook walked around the apartment with them out of the cage constantly! he would coo at them like they were babies and jimin swears he once saw jungkook kissing his favorite tarantula gd more than once when he thought no one was looking before putting him back in his cage. jimin is surprised jungkook doesn't have jurassic park in his bedroom, that would be impossible though because jungkook's room is a hundred times worse than the rest of the place; no species other than satan himself could withstand that room. it smells like dirty (and when jimin says dirty, he means filthy, blackmail-material dirty) laundry and jimin is very much sure that all the used tissues just laying around his floor weren't from blowing his nose.

he's been in the apartment so many times he rolls his eyes as jungkook gives him a tour, "you remember my children," jungkook points at the cages around the kitchen and living room.

jimin knows. two green garden snakes named dragon and sprightly; three tarantulas named gd, peter parker, and deadpool; and two frogs named aphrodite and athena. jimin nearly gags as athena eyes him like she's ready to poke his eye out with her tongue any minute. he is so glad jungkook isn't asking him to do some ridiculous stuff he knows for a fact jungkook does; like sing sprightly to sleep, or make sure aphrodite is fed after 12 because "she's such a hungry little baby." jimin may be utterly disgusted with jungkook's pets, but he can't deny having them around isn't as weird as he thought it was when he first came over jungkook's place. they all have their own characteristics so prominent that jungkook, after every pet he buys, waits at least two months before naming them so he could give them the perfect names. sprightly, for instance, is rowdy and every time someone — especially anyone who isn't jungkook — gets near the tank she shares with dragon she springs up and nips. unfortunately for her, she forgets that there is glass in front of her and hits herself; much to jimin's delight because she's a hostile asshat just like her owner. the only one jimin isn't completely repelled by is aphrodite; she minds her own business while athena in the tank next to her is more or less an asshole with beady eyes and a dominant stance.

after jungkook's given the "much needed" tour he's taken jimin back to the pets. "i'll be gone a couple of days. i already cleaned out all of their homes so you don't have to worry about them. just feed them what's on the list on the kitchen counter; has their servings, times, items. and you know the frozen mice and lizards in my ice box?"

jimin cringes, "how can i forget?"

"don't give them those; they're only for birthdays." jungkook's serious demeanor softens as he walks over to aphrodite, whose back is turned, and coos, "and it's gonna be aphrodite's birthday tomorrow, yes it is, and you know that. you're going to get a mice for dinner because you've earned it, yes you have, my precious little baby. i'm so sorry papa can't be here but he has to make money so he can buy you nice things, honey."

jimin whispers more so to himself in absolute horror, "make it stop."

jungkook smartens and continues with a clear of his throat, "when you feed them remember to use tongs and gloves; i wouldn't want any of them to bite you."

jimin highly doubts jungkook means that. "you just don't want me to sue."

"correct; how am i supposed to explain to my children that their ungrateful uncle jimin sent their papa to jail for having gone broke."

"don't include me in this family."

"too late you're already peter parker's god father."

"why peter parker?!"

"because you're both nerds."

"i will feed your snakes to athena, you bitchass-"
 

 

 

it's only been two hours since jungkook's left, and jimin swears he thinks he hears something alive and mobile in jungkook's bedroom. it could very well be the many souls the kid has stolen; commerce of his dashing good-looks and many talents that humans cannot be born or learn to do. he tries to tell himself it's just in his head, but every time he ignores it and watches tv with the snakes it just gets louder. he doesn't want to text jungkook about it because then he'll say something like it's just gd farting, you bitchbaby. it most likely is, but jimin's limited knowledge on whether or not tarantulas pass gas enough for human ears to pick up is baron and dusty and really not much of a reliable source.

jimin can't take it after another hour passes by, and athena glaring at him ever since he's stepped into the apartment; he decides to be like the dumb teenagers in the scary movies and investigate it himself. he gingerly tip toes down the rather dark hall, creeping up to the door of jungkook's harrowing sanctuary that could be fumed to the brim as a result of dirty underwear and jizz stains. nevertheless, he opens the door to find it unlocked. jungkook must've known jimin would be too scared to dare risk his own safety and go in. he peeks his head inside and right away is hit with a whiff of the mildewy-like scent of mold and the sweat-like scent of musk. it's a bad, bad duo. he can't even breathe. he could die a half a virgin because jungkook was allergic to cleanliness.

he doesn't even remember when his hand was slapped over his mouth and nose for fear of inhaling any deadly toxins because his eyes are trying to decipher through their tears what the hell kind of being with a pulse lives in this sty. jungkook must certainly not be human after all. people should trap lord voldemort in here just to see if he has a nose once and for all. he watches his step as he foots around the carpet. now he's more than scared; he's petrified. the carpet is hard to the touch and jimin walks right out. FUCK that; where's the vacuum cleaner?

jimin is bewildered though eternally grateful that jungkook has indeed invested in cleaning supplies. they're all unused; how disgusting can a person be? jimin finds some rubber gloves and a box of surgical masks and gets to work in the bedroom. jimin thinks all those times jungkook has saved him from debt can finally be paid off after having rid his room of any harm. he's probably just saved the boy of a new disease he created by his own doing.

it's not easy, but when jimin opens the windows and lets in the air, within the next 15 minutes the smell is starting to subside. he first tries to get all the dirty tissues just chilling everywhere and anywhere — including in his bed oh my gosh ew — around the room. it's so entirely gross there was even one stuck to jungkook's vanity mirror jimin squealed so loud he probably woke up deadpool who was sleeping the last time he checked on the pets. he must have the greatest tolerance because he's gagged eighty times and nothing has left his body. he knows jungkook's left him a full fridge and money but jimin needs his fluid in his body; calories and nutrients are so precious. the neat freak side of him leaves no stone unturned; no matter how afraid he is of something jumping out at him. (he tries to ignore the suspicious thick, curvy, wand-shaped object hidden under jungkook's mattress; along with the lotion-shaped bottle that reads anal lubricant; and the box of magnum condoms.)

it takes all day plus the feeding of the pets to finally get the room tidy and livable. the carpet is still damp and slippery but no longer stale and dirty. most of the laundry is by the washing machine as a portion is being washed and/or dried, while jimin is already folding a clean load in jungkook's bedroom. after having placed undergarments in the drawers, he moves to the walk-in closet to hang the remaining clothes. what he doesn't expect is the same noise that had been bothering him before he braved the battle with jungkook's room. his eyes immediately turn to his right, to find something black and thick trapped between a hanging leather jacket and the wall where a collection of other leather jackets are displayed. as jimin slides the jackets to the right, the object falls and thumps on the pile of shoes. he catches black lines (scrapes?) on the wall; guessing the object must've scraped along during it's fall that kept being interrupted by the jacket.

his eyes cast themselves down as he switches the light on for this side of the closet, walking further to the right, hanging clothes on the jewelry drawer in the middle of the closet. a book? he bends down to retrieve it and fingers the inside to open it wide.

his eyes bulge. a diary?

there are familiar paragraphs set with dates and beginning/end-notes like dear diary/goodnight diary. the handwriting is fairly readable; jungkook must write it in when he's not being rushed. jimin is too stunned to find this hilarious that jeon jungkook actually has a diary over the fact that it is seriously wrong to read it. but it isn't like jungkook was trying to hide it; jimin tries to defend himself. it was on the shelf above the clothes, anyone would see it without even trying. albeit no one would just rudely take it and open it like-

love jimin

jimin freezes. wait a minute. his eyes stop skimming through the words to try and find the ones that caught his attention.

taehyung keeps telling me i love jimin but i think maybe he missed his daily medication. what does it matter if i do? i don't. definitely not. even though he is pretty damn cute. i don't like him. i know i don't. there may have been moments when he was exceptionally good to me. like the time he cooked dinner while i got the flu. or when he consoled me when i ignorantly thought athena and pixie could've shared a tank and athena ate her the next day. he was there when i couldn't stop crying. he was there when we picked up aphrodite later on from the exotic pet store i love to visit; even though he was entirely repulsed and making the most inhuman squeals. he was there when i named her aphrodite. he was probably being sarcastic when i said she had the most charm out of any living thing i'd come to know and he said "true" but she truly is a thing of beauty. sometimes, i think he even is a thing of beauty. but I don't love him.

jimin's eyes go down to the next paragraph that is dated only four months later after seeing jungkook change the subject.

holy crap i think i'm in love with park jimin. god i only wish i were talking about the 15& member but i am not. why lord. why park jimin? out of all the living beings in the cosmos why him? i wonder what immense wrong my past self could've done to deserve such a bumbling idiot as a love interest. my life story must clearly either be a joke or a tragedy. both even. his smile is like strawberry in lemonade. his eyes are like the sparkles in every diamond. his voice is like the song every siren sings that has sank ships and swooned men to their beautiful deaths. god help me, no one must ever know. i would be the butt of all jokes. no one will let me live it down. i'll be that one art student who fell for the perky fellow in the dancing department. he would never like me back; i must do whatever i can to make everyone think i hate him. i'll rebuff his skinship. i'll ignore his texts. i'll insult him even when it's the exact opposite of what i want to say. i'll date the first girl who shows interest. i'll marry her if i have to.
just please, don't let anyone ever find out. especially jimin. goodnight.

jimin can't even move after reading it over and over and over again. he's read it so many times he could probably recite it like a script but really he's unsure of how to react. maybe a year back when they first met jimin thought he was cute more than a friend, but after awhile the feelings faded because he wasn't getting anywhere with him. now he was just a friend; a friend who he house sits for in payment of all the times he's done nice things for jimin. he probably doesn't even feel the same way anymore.

to the thought, jimin goes to the very last entry. it's dated just a shy of a week ago.

today jimin nearly got evicted for some other bullshit reason there always is. i swear if i hear that dumb old lady who lives downstairs singing with her unpleasant nasally voice to her devilish felines i am going to evict her myself. she's a real hoot; like a walking fossil. does she know they have a museum dedicated to her? it's called ripley's believe it or not because i can't believe she's such an asshole. i asked the owner of jimin's complex who filed the complaint to kick him out and it only took a hundred dollar bill to get the answer. i paid the old lady a visit and it only took her three hundred dollars for her to keep her mouth shut. she tried rangling me out for more but i just told her why? you gonna die in like a year anyway hoe. thought she was gonna have a heart attack. would've saved us all the trouble. i also told her to stop singing but she said that would be an extra hundred. i just told her forget it; jimin can survive she's not even gonna live that long. hell she might even take herself out with that annoying singing voice she has. i offered jimin to stay with me but i think he thought i was joking. cause he said no. why would he say no. i sing much better than her :( maybe someday, in a fantasy land of mine jimin will actually live with me. we can raise our children aphrodite, sprightly, dragon, athena, gd, deadpool, and peter parker and he can clean and i can finally buy him that the new iphone he's been crying about. whatever, good night.

it's almost unreal. ever since jimin's known jungkook the younger has just gotten more and more hostile; more reserved. even though what he is reading makes sense of jungkook's dickish behavior, he can't believe jungkook would go behind his back and do something like bribe the old lady to stop complaining. in fact, he hasn't even heard from the owner about he or taehyung being too loud or anything. why would jungkook do that?

because he loves you, dummy!

oh my god this can't be happening. i'm being punked; that is the only explanation for this. there is no way jungkook could ever love me.

but what if he does? what do i say? do i tell him? what if he gets mad that i read his diary? it wasn't even my fault!

jimin finds himself hours later lounging on the couch blankly staring at the tv when his phone rings of a text. it's a custom text; jungkook's. his heart races for a few seconds until he hears another text come in. he knows that the longer he ignores the more jungkook will send, and pulls his cell phone from out of his pocket to check them.

are my babies okay?
hey
answer me
did athena eat you?
if this is athena send papa a selfie of jimin's corpse pls n ty

jimin replies with shaky fingers.

yea this is athena stfu papa

jimin when i get back im gonna chop you into little pieces and feed you to my babies
how are they?

they're fine. tell athena to stop staring at me tho

she stares at things she wants to kill
can't say i blame her
did they have a good time today?

of course they did btw i cleaned up around here

jimin expects jungkook to reply but he doesn't get anything. just as he's about to start typing, a message pops up.

did you now?

yea. i could've died

you should've

:(((

>:))))))))))))

jimin can't stop himself from asking.

why did you ask me to house sit n not tae

once again he doesn't get a quick reply.

cause he eats all the fckin food ψ(`∇´)ψ and i am for certain you will have the decency to stock up. plus he'd probs forget to feed my babies cause he's too busy feeding himself n they'd all die. you've fed them before to so you probs alreayd got over the ugly squealing thing you do whenver you touch their food. plus you always clean up after yourself

im flattered

^~^ find anything interesting

maybe

don't look under my mattress

i already did

… !(◎_◎;) my mom said i have to come home right now immediately 

im not surprised tbh
jungkook
jungkook reply to me u son of a bitch
WHY DO YOU HAVE A DILDO UR JUST A BABY

error: the message you tried to send was not received due to poor conection

you spelled connection wrong u twat

error: the message you tried to send was not received due to poor connection
btw it's a smart wand vibrator not a cheap ass dildo get ur facts straight
jungkook outtie
 

 

 

when jimin wakes up in the guest room the next morning, it's again to the sound of the find my iphone alert. if he doesn't figure out what he's going to ask jungkook about him finding his diary, he sure as hell will strangle him to death if it means he'll be rid of any future find my iphone alerts. he sees the alarm clock that's sitting next to his phone as he peeks an eye open. 4:05am. jimin growls as he reaches for his phone and tries his hand at getting the password right the first time. after getting in, he quickly texts jungkook.

what could you possibly want now?

feed the tarantulas

are you kidding me?!!!!!!!!!!!

they always have morning feedings just do it or else they'll start rattling the cages all morning

they can wait

make sure to give them the mealworms

i refuse to do it

thank you^^

five minutes later jimin finds himself begrudgingly pouring a heaping of dried mealworms into each cage with droopy eyes and a deep scowl. the tarantulas are wide awake, unlike the rest of the pets who are either sound asleep are simply chilling. jungkook wasn't kidding because gd is running back and forth about his confines the second jimin undoes the feeding lid of the cage. he is thankful gd is still small because at this point he is at his striking speed and even though jimin has gloves on and is using a spoon to give him food, he is still afraid to get bit. jimin grimaces as gd angrily goes at his feedings but turns the lights off and goes back to bed.
 

 

 

jimin's eyes are falling to a close during his mythology course at 7:44am. the girl sitting next to him keeps having to nudge him and after waking him up five times she offers him her coffee. he declines only to regret it because even his professor calls him out on not paying attention and if he does not wish to he can fail him. if only they knew just what he was going through; he has half a mind of bringing sprightly to class just to let her loose on his professor.

in matter within the hour he is released, but dreads every other class he has to be at. taehyung, who shares his physics course, even questions why he keeps spacing out. jimin can only mumble things like jungkook's place and his stupid fuckin' noisy ass spiders. it isn't until he is completely finished with his classes that him, taehyung, and their friend hoseok are sitting at a cafe on campus.

he inwardly groans before slowly letting it out. it feels good to finally get it out because he's exhausted and can really go for a nap. "remind me to never have pets if i say i want one." he mumbles, "or kids."

"oh," hoseok questions with genuine concern, "is this about you watching over jungkook's place while he's on that showcase thing?"

"yeah, how'd you figure?" jimin uses exceptional force to try and rub the exhaustion off of his facial features.

hoseok answers as a matter-of-factually, "i found out and when i brought it up to him on who was going to take care of his demon pets he nearly shat himself. it's a good thing we know such a caring, nice friend~" hoseok coos at jimin, earning an unimpressed glare.

taehyung pouts, "i'm a caring, nice friend."

"yeah but you're an easily distracted, unreliable caring, nice friend," hoseok replies as if what he's saying is the most obvious thing in the world.

taehyung sacrifices his bag of baby carrots as he throws them all in hoseok's face and a harmless food fight ensues between the two; jimin is too busy wondering if taehyung was ever going to tell jimin about jungkook's feelings. he wonders if hoseok knows; who else knows?

now that jimin does.
 

 

 

the next few days mix into a blur; there's a lot more cleaning than usual, and after a shit-ton of annoying ass textes from taehyung and hoseok, jungkook allows them over. jimin is a bit skeptical himself, until, just before he hears a knock on the door at the rhythm of big bang's song bang bang bang, jungkook's sends him a single text.

i trust you

it clouded jimin's mind but thankfully not his smile and his laughs he shared with his friends. he kept up his duties with the pets, and it felt weird not participating as much with them while they played a rather heated, competitive game of foosball. their versions were always a bit different than usual: every time your opponent scores, you have to do five push ups; and every time you lose the game you have to do 15 reverse chair push ups.

obviously, what with how bulked he'd gotten ever since he's met jungkook, jimin is not very good at winning.

but other than them showing up, jimin's in a sort of routine with cooking and cleaning, and strangely enough he starts finding out more things. he sees all of jungkook's baby pictures in the second hall closet near the third bathroom. he finds old dance/performance trophies collecting dust in one of the guest rooms at the end of the hall. he stands before all the random inspiration quotes hanging in frames all around his house; realizing none of them are really random at all. each one with jimin reading them everyday as he scopes the house casually, they've all become embedded in his mind. he's stopped avoiding doing homework, he's stopped dreading the thought of working out, he's stopped waking up feeling sluggish and angry and instead walks around like he's everything. even when he takes a leak after waking up there's a framed potrait right in front of him reading: don't get pissed by haters; piss on them.

he finds himself scanning the photos on shelves and counters and mantles of jungkook to be comforting as it is normal. he notices how other than jungkook's immediate family of his father, mother, brother, jungkook hasn't many friends who he's put into frames. it makes jimin's stomach tingle with a sensation so real and so physical when the count of pictures with jimin as opposed to anyone else exceeds greatly; especially when he sees the way jungkook smiles at jimin in those photos. how a single stop of time set in forever on jungkook's shelves, counters, and mantles tells so much that jungkook can't lie through. can't lie through how his hand rests comfortably around jimin's waist, how his forehead is pressed into jimin's neck, how his eyes may not crinkle but they still hold endearment and adoration towards jimin's smiling, unknowing face.
 

 

 

the day before jungkook is supposed to be home is the day jimin finds jungkook's old camera back around the time jimin first met him. jungkook is an artist, yes, but at the time he was especially amateur; at best. jungkook did anything and everything he could to better his abilities, and keeping a camera to snap away at moments and store them to draw later were one of his many methods. jungkook didn't care what anyone said about him, how weird he looked as he even went into the urinals with it hanging around his neck; casually chilling as he whipped his dick out to take a leak. he brought it everywhere, and when it wasn't just sitting around jungkook's neck, it was being used. for awhile, jimin kept forgetting what his face looked like; he just knew jungkook was good-looking.

but jungkook had been so distant at the time: camera in his face, concentration set, seriousness taken over, silence retreating between he and anyone else. it was a regular scene to walk around campus and see jeon jungkook in the middle of the concourse or the fields or the halls simply standing with the camera over his face. he was mysterious to jimin; spoke curtly and yet never said too much. it was as if it was his job to take pictures everyday of his life.

no one's ever seen the things jungkook's taken shots at, no one really cared enough because if they've seen him take a picture at a crack in the cement it probably meant he had a ton of other junk piling in his memory card: nothing worth checking out.

jimin's too curious to let the opportunity slide however, and when he sees it's fully charged with the memory card in, his fingers are already pressing over buttons (he's unsure which one to push, he never knew cameras were actually this difficult to handle). the first thing he sees is one of the pictures on the mantle; a picture of taehyung and hoseok playing bear pong at a frat party. he scrolls to the right, a blurry photo with a lot of flare and no real object. after scrolling through six more photos and seeing the same thing, jimin opts for the menu. he's given the option to sort through the photos in a grid-like view, and when he clicks the option he doesn't expect to find something a little more.

amongst the many nothings and redundant shots jungkook's bothered to take, there is jimin. a younger, happier jimin with a smile so big and bright it could rival the sun. his hair is black, most of the shots were during his snapback phase. some shots are taken so close it's almost ugly to look at; but jimin knows it's him. there are so many as he scrolls down, so many different versions of jimin's smile in different angles and settings; all completely unaware of being snapped. jimin's heart is racing as the longer he goes, further and further into the past, the shots are turning into a more distant range. ones so far if jimin didn't see the most recent shots of him, he probably wouldn't know the figure was him. the last shot of him, before jimin is flooded with regular and meangingless shots of everything else in the world, makes jimin's mouth dry and eyes sting with tears.

it's him, 19-years-old, he knows because of the black sweater that reads his high school graduating class (he hasn't seen that jacket since and he has no idea where it is). the shots proceeding the photo show jimin on the ground of the dance floors at the studio located in the school, his back up against the glass mirrors, knees brought up to his chest, arms wrapped over them and his face buried in. but the last shot, or rather the first photo jungkook's ever taken of jimin, is much more detailed. jimin's head is up, his profile revealing tears and red eyes, thick lips and a red nose, perspiration sliding down from his hairline. jimin remembers faintly of those days, when he thought he was the worst dancer in his advanced class, when he knew he had to be better, had to work harder, had to learn faster, had to be stronger (because he was the youngest, still ripe with naiveté). but really he was so soft, so fragile and easily wounded. his skin was prickled with anxiety and his mind was riddled with insecurity. jimin has never known what he must've looked like, but even now looking at the pictures makes him sick, makes everything he thought about pain become prominent. that is pain, that is misery in its physical form when all of it is mental.

and jungkook has a picture of it.

jeon jungkook, who paid jimin's bills, who wrote in his diary of him, who donned his house with photos of them together, who only trusts jimin with his home and his pets who he loves more than his friends.

jeon jungkook, who first saw jimin with pain scribbled on his features, now sees him with a smile on his face.

and somehow, still loves him for it.
 

  

 

it's 6 in the morning when jimin hears jungkook opening the front door and closing it softly. jimin's been awake ever since 4 to feed the tarantulas, his head pounding with being deprived of sleep and eye sockets aching terribly. he contemplates getting out of the bed at all, but he knows it's going to drive him insane if he never confronts jungkook about the things he knows. it's been doing things to his head, he finds it a lot harder to answer jungkook's texts, to even be in the house the longer he goes with keeping his mouth shut. he's even thought about talking to taehyung about it; but he wasn't sure how fair it would be for jungkook himself.

he hears keys being tossed on the counter and bags being dropped on the kitchen tiles as he walks down the hallway and towards the kitchen and livingroom. he spots jungkook; heavy black cotton jacket, true religion jeans, timbs. he's obviously tired from his trip and looks as if he hasn't had a decent sleep in days; much like jimin. it takes jungkook a moment to realize there's someone else with him as he turns and jolts at the sight of jimin.

his hand comes to his chest, eyes coming to a close, "fucking shit, you nearly scared the shit out of me."

jimin is speechless; for once he doesn't know what to say to jungkook. it'd been much easier when he thought they were just friends and nothing else in mind. jungkook doesn't take in to jimin's attitude just yet, just starts to his bags and begins to open them and let things out; art supplies.

jimin tentatively asks, "so, how was the showcase?"

"it was fucking boring, but a success. first prize wasn't exactly hard to reel but still proud of myself." jungkook is too distracted as he lays out some of his portraits he painted for practice.

jimin bites his lips before he asks, "who got second?"

"some bitch." jungkook turns his head to just glance at jimin, but then his eyes stay. his brows furrows and he's squinting at jimin, like he knows jimin has something he has to say. "what?" jimin doesn't budge. "what, jimin? what's wrong with you?" he sounds more irritated than he does concerned.

jimin gulps, trying his best to think something up but nothing comes to mind. nothing at all to block away all the things he has to tell him, all the things that he may or may not feel towards jungkook. he tries, he wants to lie through his teeth but he can't, he's never been a good liar.

"jimin, i can tell something's wrong so just spit it out."

his lips part gently, but his words spill over much messier than he meant, "i read your diary."

jungkook stills for a moment, expression the same but disbelief gradually painting over. after seconds of agonizing silence, he asks with shock, "you what?"

"and-" jimin can feel himself dying inside. "and i looked through the pictures in your camera."

realization dons visibly over jungkook's face, jimin can almost feel it. the clock in the livingroom ticks soundly, taking up the noise that isn't being used from them two. jimin still feels as if jungkook can hear his heart pounding in fear, in uncertainty. he has so much more to say, but nothing else is coming out, and the longer they stand just staring at each other does it make everything much, much worse than jimin anticipated.

finally, after watching jungkook inhale sharply, does he almost whisper, "get out."

jimin's eyes widen, "but, jungkook-"

"get out," jungkook says more firmly, no longer in a whisper. his eyes drop down to the ground and he turns his back on jimin. "get your things and leave."

"jungkook, let me explain myself, i still don't-"

jungkook turns back around with anger etched on his features, "i don't care, just go. i trusted you, all i wanted was for you to watch the place, not search through it. i don't want to see you right now, don't you understand?"

at that moment it's very clear none of them are going to talk about it; jungkook is still a child when it comes to communication, still shy of his words and unsure of his actions. they may have known each other for years, but there are still many things jungkook hasn't opened up about to jimin.

like this.

thus, jimin looks down as he heads back into the guest room to gather his things. he can almost feel the way the pets sense their tension because none of them make noise or eyeball him dominantly as he leaves. jungkook isn't in the kitchen or livingroom, must be in his bedroom, jimin doesn't know. maybe he left, went out for a walk. he wishes he knew because it drives him crazy how much he cares about what jungkook is thinking, what he wants to say. he has no idea what it's like when the person you fell for finds out about it, he has no idea but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to fix it.

unfortunately, while waiting a minute to see if jungkook will miraculously emerge with the intent to talk, jimin is out the door and already heading home.
 

 


 

 

 

"jimin! jimin, come here!" hoseok calls out as jimin tries to walk through the massive crowd of people dancing with their slicked, grinding bodies. the bass is practically pumping in his blood as soon as he reaches hoseok, a red, plastic cup of beer in his hand standing around his dancer friends. hoseok is the most popular dancer in the school; how could he not be? he's handsome, funny, friendly, and talented. jimin is still shocked hoseok even bothers talking to him at all. "jimin, i'd like you to meet someone; this is the asshole that traded dancing shoes for art supplies. jeon jungkook."

jimin's eyes make to hoseok's right side, where he spots a little bit of an outsider. his hair is pitch black, fringe set over his forehead, a black beanie setting it in where it almost covers one of his eyes, black gauges in his ears, plain black muscle shirt, regular black jeans, black high top converse, and a black camera in his hands, strap attached hanging over his neck. jimin swears the boy is wearing a hint of eyeliner all around his eyes, making him look more mysterious. it takes jimin a second to spot the red diamond lip-rings, spider-bites if jimin's correct, on the right side of his bottom lip.

"jungkook, this is jimin, best dancer in the class." everyone around cheers on that statement, jimin turning red at the ears of the praise. jungkook just nods his head.

despite the fact that it's very clear this jungkook character isn't at all interested in speaking to anyone at this party, jimin makes conversation, "so you dance?"

jungkook shrugs, unenthusiastic face unchanging as well as his tone to match, "i did."

jimin is sure they are never going to be friends.
 

 


 

 

 

as jimin walks inside of his apartment, he's stricken at how unfamiliar it all feels. yes, he's comfortable where he's lived for nearly two years, it's not terrible, but he has to admit jungkook's pad will always be better than his. something settles in his heart where as he looks around, he's jaded at how empty the apartment is. there are no pets around, no machines running, no games to play, no friends at his side. jungkook may have been rich, but he wasn't social; whereas jimin may not have had money, but damn was he social. as soon as they had gotten to know more and more about each other, their worlds suddenly collided.

taehyung, the same guy who was in jungkook's vocal class became jimin's best friend, hoseok's singer friend seokjin asked out jungkook's mentor namjoon in music engineering, and very briefly yoongi, jungkook's other music engineering friend, had flirted with jimin until the younger shot him down at a confession. still friends, all of them were, it was strange for jimin how one moment jungkook wouldn't spare him eye contact and now they sat at the same lunch table talking about how they hate their morning classes.

and still, no matter how much has changed with jimin in his years of college, his home is still occupying just him. he's still alone and he's hoped at this point he'd find maybe a close friend or girlfriend by his side, maybe even a dog, but no.

as he passes by the very tiny section where he has pictures of his friends and family, he spots a picture of him with taehyung and jungkook. he remembers that day, it was probably a year after they met, at some frat house for taehyung's birthday. there's a pink party hat - seokjin was in charge of the decorations and food, he was very exhausted and couldn't give two shits if nobody wanted to wear pink party hats if they weren't chipping in - haphazardly on jungkook's head, a pink tiara on taehyung's, and a pink mouse-ears headband on jimin. all of them are smiling, taehyung the biggest, with his arms wrapped around both jimin and jungkook's necks, tight enough to haul their heads to taehyung's temples as he beams into the camera lens. they're seated on a dusty old couch that's probably been abused with enough sex on it and them piled on it sure isn't improving its looks, but they were all so drunk that night they didn't care how much they sunk into it.

jimin smiles at how he wasn't at all ready for the camera, he's looking to his right, right arm pointing left with a beer in his hand, he looks like he's talking to someone. on taehyung's left is jungkook, his head is down somewhat to taehyung's lap, where jimin's legs are sprawled, looking like he's just heard the funniest joke with his eyes closed and teeth shining. jimin's about to observe the rest of the picture until he does a double take on where jungkook's right hand is.

as he follows, he's surprised to see his own left hand on his lap, on top of it is jungkook's, holding on naturally.
 

 

 

"to be fair, you really didn't have to read jungkook's journal, just saying."

jimin glares at taehyung while the he raids his refrigerator, although the only things in there are expired yogurt and a possibly expired plum. if it is a plum. jimin isn't interested in finding out when the real problem he wants to solve involves an art major with piercings and exotic animals living in his lavish home. it's been only five days but it feels like a hundred; winter break has only started and having spilled everything to taehyung as soon as he made contact only relieved him 2%'s worth.

jimin shuts the fridge with a water bottle in his hand and the stink-eye of a lifetime. "you know, you could've told me, at least hinted to me he felt that way. you're my best friend."

taehyung, who's eyes are glued to the tv that's showing tom and jerry, raises his index fingers and clarifies, "me being your best friend doesn't give me any right to tell you jungkook's business."

"yes it does, if i don't tell anybody." jimin says that, but he hasn't told taehyung hoseok has had a crush on him ever since they met. he swallows a gulp of water thickly, trying to shake the thought from his  mind. he wonders now if maybe he should say something, anything along the lines of, for example, hoseok, our friend, told me you have the softest lips and the prettiest eyes. but he knows taehyung is right, jimin doesn't have it in him to say that, not when it's hoseok who can't say it himself to the one person who should know.

"i would have only told you if you told me you liked him, and even still if i told you, you wouldn't have believed me!" taehyung looks like he'd been wronged. which he sort of is, jimin is putting him in the middle of something he has nothing to do with but maybe sort of does. he was the one who told jungkook, put it in his head, with the words i think you're in love with jimin.

damn. jimin wishes they could all just go back, to say, three months ago, before the old lady moved in and jimin worried about rent and passing life-reducing exams. now, he's piled with this. he's going to drown in his stress and there is nothing he can do about it while jungkook refuses to see him.

"we should just go over there," taehyung suggests. jimin spots the budlight in his hands; he's obviously drunk.  tahyung only feels motivated to do things that involve effort and thinking when he's drunk. they usually end hazardous but jimin lets him continue, "you know, i'll knock on the door, he looks through the peephole, doesn't see you, he'll open it, and we just BAM! surprise, bitch. bet you thought you'd seen the last of me-"

while taehyung rambles in his intoxicated state, jimin actually considers the idea. he hasn't had one that good considering his mind is mush by abuse, and jimin begins to grab his things. "okay, god i love when you think drunk. you're so much smarter."

"i resent that."

"see, you even used the word resent, sober you'd argue with me it's not even a real word."
 

 

 

every step of the way closer to jungkook's apartment, jimin shakes a tiny bit more. it's like the shivers and the jitters, he's so cold and he's tired of how his teeth keep chattering in his own fear of what's going to happen. of what he doesn't know what will happen. he wants to talk to jungkook, knows he has to, knows it's the only way to know once in for all if he likes him. taehyung reminds jimin to turn off his phone, just in case jungkook does some sneaky shit like the find my iphone alert to see if jimin was indeed there.

taehyung knocks, he's still a little drunk and it shows but he's sobering up now that they're doing something he actually wants to do. there's movement heard on the other side of the door after a couple of seconds. jungkook isn't expecting taehyung, the asshole never gives jungkook notice, unlike anyone else. had taehyung done it, jungkook would have suspected something. he obviously doesn't, because he's opening the door like he didn't just get into a fight with their mutual friend.

"hey, tae, what's-" jungkook's words stop as he sees jimin hanging next to taehyung in the peephole's blindspot, "up..."

the two just gape at each other, jimin parting his lips to speak but just like the last time they spoke, nothing is coming out.

jungkook takes the liberty. "what the hell is he doing here, you benedict arnold?!" jungkook reaches to grab taehyung by the collar, the elder hisses and narrowly dodges it, swaying a little to the left in his buzzed state.

jimin finally pipes up, albeit with a squeak he's proud he's actually gotten anything out, "i came to talk to you-"

"there's nothing to talk about-"

taehyung whines, shoves jungkook inside the apartment, and drags jimin along. jimin notices the place is a near wreck, side for the pets' cages and well-beings. at least jungkook has kept up some priorities. other than them, not just clothes but empty bottles of soju and soda and empty bags and boxes of junk food decorate the apartment. it almost looks like he'd thrown a party but as far they knew jungkook hadn't had any of them over at all. jimin finds that his stomach has just dropped because he did this to jungkook. on the outside, jungkook looks fine, he has his usual expensive attire with his fuck-off attitude, but seeing the place where jungkook holds his secrets, and the place he really didn't trust anyone at (other than jimin, until he messed that up) makes taehyung and jimin stunned.

jungkook gives up his aloof demeanor, looking like a little boy who'd just got caught with a stolen item. he nearly whimpers in defeat, "what do you want, jimin?"

taehyung looks officially sober because he takes a step back, reaching for the front door, and closes it gently. jimin can't but sort of can believe taehyung just left a crying jungkook. god he hates taehyung.

from this close in this light, jimin can spot the dark circles even under the make up jungkook has on, can see how red his eyes are and the black clothes that make him look like he's attending a funeral. he looks miserable in a way, to see him with his arms hugging himself and his head down, jimin just wants to hold him and apologize a thousand times.

"jungkook," he says softly, ignoring the way jungkook grimaces. "i'm sorry."

jungkook sniffles, sleeve-covered hand coming up to place it over his eyes, "you're sorry for what? sorry for seeing me like this? or sorry for not liking me back?"

jimin can't help but let out an irate sigh. "who said anything about me not liking you back?"

the younger's shifting lessens, he removes his hand and he peaks under his fringe, "you never- you never showed any sort of signs..."

jimin retorts, "neither did you. that's the only reason why i stepped off. i didn't want to hit on someone who considered me their friend."

"i thought you were straight," jungkook defends. "you rejected yoongi; honestly, who rejects yoongi." it's said more like a statement than a question, along with a subtle eyeroll.

"i rejected park sojin that time i went to your art show, jungkook. she's a model- damn it, she was the model in the art gallery. she asked me out right in front of you and when i rejected her the whole time you kept teasing me about it."

jungkook's lips quirk up just a bit, as he sniffs again. "yeah, i admit, i was a little weirded out. i started thinking maybe you weren't attracted to anyone."

it becomes quiet again, jimin knows he should say something; he's supposed to, after all the stuff he knows about jungkook what really can the younger even say. jimin counters after jungkook hiccups, but he thankfully stops crying altogether, "jungkook, when i first met you i thought we would never, ever be friends." jungkook pouts. "but, i don't know when it happened, i found myself looking forward to seeing you. even if it's at 3 in the morning, to tell me big bang just released a new music video."

jungkook mumbles with embarrassment, "like you weren't up before me..."

"the point is," jimin talks over those words, ears reddening because yeah, he was up all night waiting for that mv to drop, "i like you."

it felt so good to say those words out loud.

jungkook shrugs, shy smile being bitten back as he says through his sleeve-covered hand, "i like you too."

"can i- oh my god, i swear this is so embarrassing-" jimin flushes deeply and closes his eyes.

jungkook lets out a full-hearted laugh, hunching over and trying to speak through his giggles, "what?"

"can i," jimin opens his eyes and his lips contort as they try to form the words he wants to say, "kiss you?"

jungkook's cheeks blossom, and his eyes brighten as he nods, "as many times as you want."

neither of them move for a minute, jimin has kissed plenty of people in the past but then again none of them were jeon jungkook. he takes a step forward as jungkook does as well, they're basically chest to chest and jungkook's smile spreads even wider at the contact. jimin can see jungkook is still red in the eyes with tears, but jimin sees he's still so beautiful, and when he leans in to meet jungkook's lips, he can't stop his heart was pounding against his chest or his hands from shaking as they reach for his waist. jungkook smiles even more through the kiss, inexperienced and unsure of what to do.

jimin has no problem guiding him.
 

 


 

 

 

"jimin," namjoon calls, beckoning jimin over after he's just gotten out of the dance class. hoseok is out sick and he'd been sort of hoping he could hurry to his apartment to check on him. it was still weird that he was friends with the actual jung hoseok, and to top it off, hoseok's friends as well. as he nears namjoon, he spots that same kid he met at that party, with the black clothes and the red spider bites. still with the camera around his neck. he's in a sleeveless tank, even though it's winter and if jimin weren't still sweating from class he'd be freezing his ass off.

"hey," jimin huffs as he comes to a steady halt, seeing the boy up close. it's obvious he's cold, but his stone-cold expresion is so fitting it looks like he's naturally irritated with the world around him.

namjoon says through his chattering teeth, "we're heading to hoseok's, he's sick and he told us to come fetch you. up for pizza and a movie?"

jimin pretends not to be so excited about that, shrugging coolly and mumbling, "yeah cool, if i can shower over there."

"yeah, he has some clothes, he doesn't mind."

namjoon actually talks a lot, not as social on the outside but within his friends he has so much to say (jimin may or may not feel a little proud knowing namjoon is comfortable talking to him). a lot of the times it has to do the the theory of life and the comos or something, and sometimes it's just things like are tattoos really permanent if life is temporary? jungkook, jimin remembers his name, doesn't talk at all, and if he does it's just a short noise. namjoon is okay with that, but jimin wonders how exactly jungkook became friends with them at all. on the way there, jungkook finally starts talking, but he's mumbling under his breath about how fucking cold it is. "did jack frost take a shit?" jimin bites back a laugh as he reaches into his duffel bag.

he holds out one of the sweaters he has, not seeing which it is, and offers, "do you wanna wear my sweater?" jungkook looks mildly offended by the gesture as he eyes the sweater, to which jimin tries not to sound so offended himself as he assures, "it's clean, i swear, i never sweat in sweaters."

namjoon bellows a laugh that echos in the empty night streets, "ha, ironic."

jungkook's face softens to one jimin can't pinpoint, but it isn't a glare or disgust, he's just looking at jimin as he bows his head and mumbles, "thank you." he accepts the sweater and carefully puts it on so as not to move his beanie or his camera.

once they get there, jimin sees hoseok looks like shit but he's a great host, he insists jimin wear his clothes after he showers, they order tons of pizza and wings and somehow taehyung and seokjin still manage to eat it all. they watch a thriller and yet hoseok and jimin are still screaming at the mildly freaky scenes. jimin goes home in the morning, 6:45 in the morning, having fallen asleep on the couch with yoongi while namjoon and seokjin played chess (seokjin won the first four times; namjoon keeps saying he let him but seokjin snorts are you forgetting who taught you how to play this?). as he's walking outside, he catches jungkook on the sidewalk with his camera, taking pictures of god knows what at this hour. jimin doesn't notice he's not wearing the sweater, they just say their farewells as they pass, and jungkook calls casuallly, still focused on what his lens is directed to, hang out with us some more, okay, jimin. you're a cool guy.

jimin sheepishly laughs. "you too."

he thinks he catches jungkook smiling behind his camera, but maybe he's just seeing things.

 

 


 

 

"oh god, it's so disgusting."

"i know, i'd rather see athena take a shit."

jimin and jungkook don't even hear taehyung and hoseok in jungkook's livingroom as jimin and jungkook try whipping up some food in the kitchen. every time they bump into each other, they giggle sheepishly and peck each other quickly as not to be seen by their friends; they sort of fail miserably.

hoseok calls from where he's sitting, "i'd like to eat instead of watching you eat each other please!"

jungkook chides back, "when you start paying the bills around here you can start making up rules."

jimin laughs at that and corners jungkook onto the granite island, the younger is taller than him but he's obviously shocked to see jimin in this stance, as he tip-toes to kiss him for what may be the 26th time since they entered the kitchen. jimin doesn't stop kissing him once, instead peppers his lips over jungkook's until the younger wraps his arms around jimin's neck and deepens the kiss. jimin traps the younger by placing one hand on jungkook's hip and the other on the granite.

jungkook can't stop the mewl leaving him, and taehyung reminds them with a groan, "you're disgusting!"

hoseok agrees, "i hope i never do that when i get a boyfriend."

jungkook pulls away to whisper against jimin's lips, "should we tell them?"

jimin smiles, "what would you have done if taehyung told me about you?"

"i would have killed him, regardless of how you felt."

jimin kisses him as a means to say, see?

jungkook licks his lips and laughs, "you're right, let's watch them suffer like they did with us."