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memeing across time and space

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[Emails recovered from an old librarby computer.]

 

TO: coolskeleton95@undermail.net

SNT: 10-14-999X

SBJ: X

 

HELLO PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS COOL LINK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0

 

TO: 07trU6wEFD7yui7Iihj224SE@undermail.net

SNT: 10-14-199X

SBJ: hey

 

*i noticed that link you sent to my buddy coolskeleton95. kinda hard not to, really.

*well, i don’t know what you see on that page, but guess what? on my end, it’s literally nothing. i loaded it up myself and got a blank page.

*the funny thing, though? it also set off all kinds of warnings on my pc. i’m not just talking firewalls. i’m talking warnings that say this link…

*wasn’t supposed to be here yet.

*you wouldn’t happen to know what that means, would you?

 

*let me tell you something though. here’s a tip, if you want to give my brother viruses from the future:

*don’t.

 

*(say, what’s a “youtube” supposed to be anyway?

*ah well. see you, wouldn’t want tube you.)

 

TO: sans@undermail.net

SNT: 44-?@-999X

SBJ: RE: hey

 

A SLIGHT CALCULATIVE ERROR WAS MADE

MY APOLOGIES NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

PS CHECK BACK IN A FEW YEARS IT WILL BE WORTH YOUR TIME

 


 

[A text to: FRISK]

 

FRISK YOU HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH EXCESSIVE “RESETS” WITH THIS CELL PHONE HAVE YOU

I APPRECIATE THIS MUCH MORE PRACTICAL MEANS OF COMMUNICATION

BUT WHENEVER I TRY TO CONTACT ANYONE AT SPECIFIC POINTS IT SEEMS THIS PHONE HAS A TENDENCY TO MISS

I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT “OPERATOR ERROR” IS ALSO A POSSIBILITY BUT SURELY I SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIND MY WAY AROUND A CELL PHONE DON’T YOU THINK

Excuse me, but who is this?

May I help you?

...

NO PROBABLY NOT

 


 

[A text to: ???]

 

HELLO CHECK OUT THIS COOL LINK

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF

 


[A text to: ASRIEL?]

 

HELLO YOUR HIGHNESS PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS  COOL LINK

>Howdy! If you're looking for Asriel, you're too late. =)

AH YES FLOWEY I PRESUME?

DO YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU A QUESTION

HOW ARE YOU TYPING THIS?

>What.

I AM REFERRING TO THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE NO ARMS

ARE YOU SIMPLY SLAMMING YOUR FACE INTO THE KEYBOARD OR

...

>Golly, that's not a very polite question, now is it!

>It's called text-to-speech, idiot =)

YES I UNDERSTAND BUT HOW DO YOU DO THAT TO AN EMOTICON

CURRENTLY I AM IMAGINING YOU SAYING "SMILEY FACE" OUT LOUD REPEATEDLY AND I AM IMMENSELY FOND OF THIS THEORY

HELLO

*Text not received.

HELLO?

*Text not received.

DID YOU SMASH YOUR PHONE

*Text not received.

YOU SMASHED YOUR PHONE

THIS IS INCREDIBLE

*Text not received.

OKAY. I WILL JUST


[A text to: ASRIEL]

 

HELLO CHECK OUT THIS COOL LINK

Uh, howdy! Sorry, but my mom says not to click on weird links sent by strangers…

I ASSURE YOU IT IS NOT A “WEIRD LINK” IT IS A COOL LINK ACQUIRED FOR THE MOST MORAL AND SOUND OF REASONS

I’m sorry, but I just can’t! Sorry…

IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE VITAL TO THE SAFETY OF THIS WORLD THAT YOU CLICK ON THIS COOL LINK

Um. Let me get back to you???

[A text to: Chara! =)]

Chara, there’s a stranger sending me links to something and they say it’s really important??

Like it’s important for everyone’s safety or something?

I know I should listen to Mom but what if they’re telling the truth what do I do

Let me see.

Oh my god I’ll be right there.

Ok, thank you =)

[A text to: ??????]

Lol I see what you did there.

YES THAT WAS THE GOAL THANK YOU

HELLO CHARA IF I AM CORRECT

MAY I ASK YOU SOMETHING

Sure, shoot.

WHAT DO THE KIDS NOWADAYS ON THIS POINT ON THIS PARTICULAR TIMELINE THINK OF MY “SICK MEMES”

? Well, you should work on your delivery.

Specifically, I’ve helped a couple people with their memeing skills before.

I usually start them off with an instructional video about the basics.

...HOW INTERESTING

I MAY BE “OUT OF THE LOOP” BOTH FIGURATIVELY AND LITERALLY SPEAKING BUT I ASSURE YOU I AM NO FOOL MX CHARA

Oh, I’m sure. =)

>tfw you have nothing but old memes to fall back on

WHAT ARE YOU INSINUATING

>tfw no one understands the horrible world you came from

AH YES IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL A “RELATABLE FEEL”

Like that.

Give it a shot.

OF COURSE GIVE ME A MOMENT

>TFW THAT FEEL WHEN YOU’VE BEEN SCOURED FROM EXISTENCE AND ARE OCCUPYING YOURSELF BY SENDING MEMES ACROSS THE UNFORGIVING VOID

That’s a start.

 


 

 [Comments from a popular monster art-sharing website, "deviantHeart."]

 

????: HELLO CHECK OUT TH

tEMMI: hOI!!!!!

????: ...HOW DID YOU DO THAT

tEMMI: IM tem!!!!

????: OKAY YES I UNDERSTAND THAT MUCH BUT H

tEMMI: tem wanr 2 kno.....what u tHink of meh artz??!!!1

????: THEY ARE NICE. I WOULD LIKE TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO CHECK OUT THIS COOL LINK

tEMMI: You will pay for your transgressions.

????: ...WHAT

tEMMI: You think that purely because no one remembers them, you will escape retribution.

tEMMI: But we know.

tEMMI: Yes, Gaster, we know exactly what you've done.

????: HOW DO YOU KNOW ME

WHAT ARE YOU

tEMMI: Rest assured, though: it matters not whether anyone remembers. These sins will follow you eternally, watching from every corner of this purgatory you’ve built for yourself.

????:

????:

????:

tEMMI: …

tEMMI: bOI!!!

 


 

[A text to: FRISK]

HELLO CHECK OUT THIS COOL LINK

 

?

!!

???

Hey guess who’s got control of the hands now. B)

AH

THIS WAS NOT THE OUTCOME I WANTED

>tfw no one ever listens to you

>TFW WHEN YOUR MEMES ARE CONSTANTLY THWARTED BY A CHILD

You would have gotten away with it too, if not for this meddling kid.

And at least five dogs, I think?

I MAY NEED TO RECLASSIFY SOME VARIABLES

[A text to: FRISK] [A text to: FRISK & CHARA]

THERE

FRISK YOUR PHONE WAS NOT ANOMALOUS IN ITSELF CORRECT

YES AND WHILE I AM QUITE GRATEFUL FOR THE GESTURE

Wait, they gave you their phone?

IT OFFERS VERY MINIMAL CONTROL OF WHAT POINT ON WHICH TIMELINE I TEXT

SEE LIKE THAT

I mean, I’m not surprised.

>tfw technology hates you

WHY

 


 

[Comments from a popular monster journaling site, “dreamside.”]

 

@r8u97459jti9582: HELLO CHECK OUT THIS COOL LINK

@spooktunes: oh..thank you, anonymous stranger.......your taste in music is, nice.....

@r8u97459jti9582:WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP TELLING ME THIS AM I DOING SOMETHING WRONG

@spooktunes:oh...i wasn't supposed to say thank you? ...

oh no...i messed up..........i was supposed to be angry..., oh no.......

@r8u97459jti9582:NO NO PLEASE DO NOT WORRY I HAVE HAD WORSE

@spooktunes:do you want me to get angry,,, so i can make it up to you..

@r8u97459jti9582: THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY

@spooktunes:oh............

@r8u97459jti9582:BUT YOU CAN DO THAT IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER I APOLOGIZE

@spooktunes:ok..........i'll try to be angry..

here goes........

>                :(

@spooktunes:was that good..?

@r8u97459jti9582: ...

YES ABSOLUTELY PERFECT

 


 

 [A chat on Underground Instant Messenger, or “UIM.”]

[?? SEPTEMBER 205X, 23:12:06.]

 

958G9E049443: HELLO PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS “COOL LINK

sans: *sorry, but youtube’s been down for the past thirty years.

958G9E049443: WHAT

sans: *yeah, they shut down a long time ago.

sans: *said they were trying to update the reply system…? and that everything would be right back.

sans: *guess that plan went down the tubes, huh?

958G9E049443: THIS IS STARTING TO BECOME ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS

958G9E049443: PERHAPS I NEED TO PERFORM SOME RECALIBRATIONS BUT I WILL

FIND

A WAY

sans: *ok. good luck, buddy.

 

[A chat on Underground Instant Messenger, or “UIM.”]

[?? SEPTEMBER 205X, 23:13:37.]

 

958G9E049443: HELLO SANS

sans: *what, missed me already?

958G9E049443: I HAVE BEEN CONTEMPLATING AND

958G9E049443: ...WAIT DID THESE MESSAGES

NOT LEAVE ENOUGH TIME BETWEEN TO BE CONSIDERED CURIOUS

sans: *nah. a minute or two’s fine.

sans: *i just figured you were back for

sans: .

sans: .

sans: .

sans: seconds.

sans: *...what? do i need to work on my

sans: timing?

958G9E049443: SANS

958G9E049443: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE

TO HAVE SIMULTANEOUSLY ZERO AND UNLIMITED ACCESS TO EVERY JOKE AND EVERY PUN THAT HAS EVER BEEN AND WILL EVER BE CREATED

BUT ALSO

THE AWARENESS THAT ACCESSING THAT KNOWLEDGE WILL ONLY

PROMPT THE FURTHER DETERIORATION OF THE COHESIVITY OF WHATEVER MAY PASS FOR YOUR EXISTENCE

sans: *uh, can’t say i do.

sans: *sometimes my bro knows i’m punning before i give the punchline. does that count?

958G9E049443: I AM SO TIRED SANS

958G9E049443: NO MATTER WHAT I DO IT SEEMS THAT THIS RICK WILL NEVER ROLL

958G9E049443: EVEN WHEN MY MESSAGES ARRIVE TO AN EFFECTIVE POINT ON A TIMELINE THE TRUE MESSAGE IS LOST

WHENEVER I TRY ALPHYS SHE EITHER IS TOO NERVOUS TO REACT PROPERLY OR LINKS ME TO CARAMELLDANSEN

HER GILLFRIEND THREW THE COMPUTER NOT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS BUT BECAUSE THE SONG GOT STUCK IN HER HEAD

THE GHOST ROBOT THOUGHT I WAS TRYING TO GIVE HIM INSPIRATION FOR HIS MUSIC. I FEAR I HAVE CREATED AN ABOMINATION

ARE MY ATTEMPTS AT MEMEING TRULY MEANINGLESS?

sans: *yeah, that’s rough.

sans: *you’ve tried this over and over, huh? if i were you i’d’ve given up by now.

sans: *but somehow...i get the feeling you’re not the type to do that.

sans: *so take it from me.

sans: *sometimes you've already had the right idea. sometimes you just have to look back at where you started.

958G9E049443: BACK TO THE START?

...INTERESTING

I THINK

THAT THIS MAY BE AN AVENUE WORTH PURSUING…

MANY THANKS

sans: *don’t sweat it.

958G9E049443: “SEE” YOU IN APPROXIMATELY -30 YEARS

[958G9E049443 has logged out.]

sans: *heh…

sans: *yeah. see ya.

 


 

[Emails recovered from an actually modern computer, for once.]

To: coolskeleton95@undermail.net

Sent: 15 ????? 202X

Subject: -

 

HELLO CHECK OUT THIS COOL LINK

 

To: 857id87544o3909@undermail.net

Sent: 16 ????? 202X

Subject: Re: -

 

THANK YOU FOR THE KIND MESSAGE< DEAR STRANGER! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS< TRUST THAT NO ONE WOULD EVER GIVE ME UP!!!

 

To: coolskeleton95@undermail.net

Sent: 16 ????? 202X

Subject: Re: Re: -

 

PAPYRUS I HAVE A VERY SERIOUS QUESTION TO ASK OF YOU

ARE YOU TYPING BY HOLDING THE SHIFT KEY DOWN

 

To: 857id87544o3909@undermail.net

Sent: 17 ????? 202X

Subject: Re: Re: Re: -

 

OF COURSE! AS A MEMBER OF THE NEW ROYAL GUARD IT IS MY JOB< NAY, MY /DUTY/ TO PUT AS MUCH PASSION INTO MY EVERY ACTION AS I CAN! SOMEONE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME TOLD ME THAT.

 

To: coolskeleton95@undermail.net

Sent: 16 ????? 202X

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: -

 

I’M HONESTLY UNSURE AS TO WHAT I EXPECTED

 

To: coolskeleton95@undermail.net

Sent: 16 ????? 202X

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: -

 

...PAPYRUS

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD HELP ME WITH SOMETHING

 


 

 [A chat on Underground Instant Messenger, or “UIM.”]

[?? SEPTEMBER 202X, ?:25:10.]

 

coolskeieton95: GREETINGS BROTHER! AFTER CONSIDERING IT FOR A LONG TIME, I HAVE DECIDED! TO START UPLOADING MY TRAINING VIDEOS TO THE HUMAN WEBSITE CALLED “YOU TUBE”! HERE IS MY FIRST ONE! WHAT DO YOU THINK?

sans: *ahahahahahahaha oh wow

sans: *that was actually pretty good.

sans: *how many tries did that take?

coolskeieton95 ???: WELL I’M NOT ENTIRELY SURE BUT ASSUMING A RELATIVELY LINEAR PROGRESSION AND THAT I WILL PROBABLY STOP AFTER BEING SUCCESSFUL?

ABOUT 1076

sans: *wow.

sans: *forget determination, this is the real stuff right here.

sans: *talk about never giving up.

???: OH I GET IT

sans: *...

sans: *i probably won’t remember this, will i.

???: IT’S UNLIKELY YES

sans: *...

*...

sans: *i miss you, buddy.

???: I KNOW.

???: …

YOU KNOW

???: I CAN THINK OF A GOOD HUMAN SONG TO MATCH THIS SITUATION

[sans has logged out.]