“I hate him Brendon, I fucking hate him so much! God!” Josh was currently hanging upside down off the side of his bed, phone tucked between his ear and shoulder as he ranted to his best friend about the terrible, no good, rotten Tyler fuckboy Joseph.
Josh Dun hated Tyler Joseph. Tyler Joseph was the definition of a fuckboy; he was a straight, white male who wore Nike everything, basketball shorts in the fucking winter, was constantly discussing how high he got or how many “chicks he banged,” goofed off in class, was a slacker, and, oh yeah, was the captain of the basketball team. Tyler Joseph’s friends were just as bad as he was.
Josh Dun was anything but a fuckboy, or so he liked to think. He was a quiet, reserved nerd who played percussion in the high school marching band. He wore glasses and had his hair dyed pink and only had a couple friends, but they were good, dependent upon friends, and that was all he needed. Josh Dun was good at math, he played the drums like a motherfucker, and oh yeah, did he mention how much he hated Tyler Joseph?
“Okay, okay, from the beginning. Who do you hate?”
Josh could practically hear Brendon’s smirk. Brendon also happened to be down in pit playing percussion as well. They had developed a unique friendship freshman year of high school.
“You know who I hate!”
“Okay, but why do you hate him so much? Please enlighten me with this story for the billionth time.”
“Gah!” Josh groaned, letting his body slump to the floor below. “I hate him so much! He’s the biggest asshole in the entire school. Him and his stupid jock friends are always slacking off in math class, provoking Mr. Johnson like he’s some kind of fucking animal! All I want to do is learn, not listen to how Tyler fuckboy Joseph is totally going to bang whatever his girlfriend’s name is! I certainly don’t want to hear about how he cheated on his last girlfriend or how he got the best BJ of his life last Sunday, Jesus, on the frickin’ Lord’s day, or how he got an F on the last English test, because that test was over The Great Gatsby and that book is a piece of fuckin’ literature and he should have passed that test with a fucking A!” Josh gasped for air, anger fueling through his veins. “I don’t want to hear about how ‘fucking stoned’ he got at Pete Wentz’s party or how he’s so pumped for basketball because it’s the only thing that matters in this school and that everything else is dumb, that’s right, he said the band was a fucking joke and God, when he said that I about stood up and slapped him across his fucking face! So fuck Tyler Joseph. I hate him.”
Brendon began slow clapping from his end of the phone. “Well put Joshua, well put. You have a vocation as a politician in your future.”
“Oh shut up Brendon.” Josh rolled his eyes. “Rant over. Sorry. I just needed to get that off my chest.”
“Oh no no, it’s fine. Trust me, I love hearing about all your Tyler fuckboy Joseph stories. They keep me entertained. I don’t have much else going on, so don’t worry about it.”
“The other day, he pulled out of the parking lot like a fucking idiot and cut someone off. He almost caused a goddamn accident in the student parking lot! And get this, he has a fucking yellow lamborghini.”
“Yes way. Can you ever believe that? Who gets an eighteen year old a lamborghini? I hate him so much. I don’t even understand why all the girls swoon over him being the hottest kid in school. It’s not like he could cut diamonds with his cheekbones or that his eyes crinkle at the corners when he laughs or that his olive skin matches those dumb tattoos he has perfectly or that his hair is the perfect shade of mocha. Tyler Joseph is dumb and I hate him.”
“Of course not, he’s completely and utterly awful looking, right Joshie?”
“Right. He’s the biggest asshole I’ve ever met in my entire life. Whenever I pass him in the hallways he always makes some kind of obscene gesture or whispers to his buddies or knocks my books out of my hand and I want to fucking punch him in the face.” It was then Josh’s doorbell rang, and he couldn’t be bothered to get up. “Mom!” he yelled, “Someone’s at the door!”
But his mother did not answer, and Josh was forced to pull himself off the floor and go answer the door himself. That however, did not mean he couldn’t continue to rant. “I can’t believe this guy. How can someone be so fucking rude all the time? Tyler Joseph is stupid, Tyler Joseph is God awful, Tyler Joseph is-” Josh paused as he peeked out the little hole in his front door to see none other than the devil himself standing on his front porch. “on my doorstep.”
“Tyler Joseph is on your doorstep?” Brendon repeated, a little skepticism in his voice. “Are you for real?”
“Uhm, yes. His car is in my driveway and he’s standing on my front porch in his stupid sunglasses and basketball shorts and Nike Jordans and he’s got a frickin’ iPhone 6 plus in his hand. Why is he on my doorstep? How does he even know where I live?” Josh hurriedly whispered into his phone. “What the hell do I do?”
“Answer it and tell him to fuck off.”
“I’m not doing that, as much as I would like to.”
“You still have to answer the door.”
“Okay fine. I’ll call you back later.”
“I’m expecting to hear every juicy detail. I want to know if my Joshie kicked Tyler fuckboy Joseph’s ass.”
Josh sighed, whispering a mumbled goodbye before he clicked off, shoved his phone in his pocket, straightened his posture, and pulled open the front door. Tyler Joseph flashed a perfect (probably fake) smile.
“Hey, you’re Josh Dun, right?” his voice was so stupid.
“Yep. That’s me.” Josh resisted his urge to sigh. He had known this stupid kid since the fifth grade, Tyler fuckboy Joseph talked to him in class. He should have known that.
“Hey! So uhm, you left this behind in math class and I figured you would probably want it back.” Tyler fuckboy Joseph presented Josh with his student ID, smiling brown haired Josh’s warped expression on the plastic next to “Grade 12” and his full name. Why was giving him his ID so important that it couldn’t wait until school on Monday? Josh didn’t need that for anything. It was a Friday; Josh wasn’t going anywhere that required his student ID.
He didn’t scowl no matter how badly he wanted to. Instead, Josh just took his ID and pocketed it. “Oh uh, thanks.”
“Hey, no problem. Figured you would need it for the basketball game tomorrow night.” Tyler fuckboy Joseph grinned, his eyebrows raising into view from behind his white sunglasses that reminded Josh of Willy Wonka. He was so strange. As if Josh would ever attend a basketball game. Besides, he had a band competition the next day. He didn’t have time for that.
“Wow. Yeah, unfortunately I have a band thing tomorrow, so I won’t be able to go...” he trailed off, trying to look anywhere but stupid Tyler Joseph.
“Oh right, band. That’s cool. Forgot you were in band.” He paused, pulling his sunglasses off. “I actually know who you are, I just wanted to make sure I had the right Josh Dun.”
Right, because there are soooo many Josh Dun’s in the school.
“Yeah. No it’s fine. How did uh, how did you know where I lived?”
“I actually don’t live too far from you. See you drive by sometimes.”
“Oh.” Great, The Tyler Joseph lived by him. Fantastic. Utterly fantastic.
“Actually, the student ID wasn’t the reason I came here. That was just an excuse.” For a second he actually looked like a normal human being before that smug “I’m better than everyone” look was back on his face.
“Ah. What’s the reason?” Josh really wanted to roll his eyes. Not being able to be sarcastic was breaking him. He fiddled with his glasses as he patiently waited for an answer.
“You mind if I come in?” Tyler Joseph asked as he pushed past Josh without an answer. Josh scoffed, jaw dropping a little at the fact that he had just invited himself in. Not only that, but Tyler fuckboy Joseph was sauntering up the stairs like he owned the place.
That was it. Josh was done being nice. “Why yes, I do mind if you come in. You can kindly get the hell out of my house.”
Tyler Joseph ignored him. “Is this your bedroom?” He asked, pushing open Josh’s slightly cracked bedroom door. God, where the hell was Josh’s family?
Josh watched as the person he despised more than any other human being in the world looked around his bedroom at all his band posters and the drumset covered in dirty clothes in one corner of his room. Josh’s bed wasn’t even made; he certainly was not ready for company.
“Blink-182?” he whispered in confusion, to which Josh only sighed.
“It’s a band. You’ve never heard of them?”
“Uh, no. I haven’t. I don’t really listen to uhm, emo music.”
Josh about backhanded him right there. “It’s not emo music. It’s good music. Now get out of my house.”
“Okay Josh, wait. I just wanted to know that you’re really attractive and I think you should go out with me.” His smirk was back, and Josh just stared. Surely he couldn’t have heard correctly. Tyler Joseph had a girlfriend. He was straighter than a line.
“You’re hot, and we should go out.”
“But you’re...” Josh wasn’t sure what he was saying. “you’re straight?”
Tyler Joseph shook his head. “Probably not.”
“You have a girlfriend. Are you really that big of an asshole that you want to cheat on your girlfriend?”
“Who, Jenna? Nah, we broke up months ago. Nobody knows that though. Or seems to care.” He shrugged. “I’m gay anyways.”
No way. Tyler fuckboy Joseph was gay. Wait until Josh told Brendon.
“Okay, well what makes you think I’m gay?”
“Your hair is pink, and you paint your nails.”
Josh looked down at his chipping black nail polish with a frown before going back to glaring at Tyler stupid Joseph. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Well, are you gay?”
“No! Yes. Maybe.” To be honest, Josh didn’t really care enough about sexuality to figure it out. All his friends thought he was gay and he wasn’t about to say anything to prove them otherwise. “Probably,” he decided to stick with.
“Okay, then we should go out. It’ll have to be kept a secret though, so you aren’t allowed to tell anyone. I don’t want my friends finding out my little secret.” He let out a stupid laugh.
Josh really wanted to punch him in the face. “You know what? No. Fuck you. I can’t stand you.” Josh was sneering his words at this point. “You are stupid, rude, immoral, and just in general, an asshole. I’m not going out with somebody who takes pride in how many girls he’s fucked or lies to his friend’s about his sexuality like he’s embarrassed by it. Even if I were to go out with you, I wouldn’t be your little trophy for you to tuck away and keep secret. You parade around school like you’re God’s gift to mankind and you and your little buddies are always talking shit on what I like to do. So no Tyler Joseph, I will not go out with you.”
Tyler Joseph’s expression was one Josh had never seen before.
He looked fearful.
“But...” Josh assumed he wasn’t used to rejection, “I told you my secret. Nobody... nobody knows that about me. I like you.”
“Well maybe you shouldn’t have done that,” Josh shrugged nonchalantly, liking the fact that he now had blackmail material over the biggest fuckboy in school. “There are better ways to approach people than assuming they’ll automatically throw themselves at your feet.”
“But Josh...” he shook his head. “You won’t even give me a chance?”
“I don’t need to give you a chance. You’ve already ruined that here.” Josh jabbed a thumb towards his bedroom door. “Get out.”
“Don’t tell anyone please,” Tyler Joseph was begging, and boy did Josh like the power he had. “Don’t tell anyone I’m gay. I’ll get shunned, kicked off the team, I’ll-”
“I won’t tell anyone,” Josh replied, knowing he wouldn’t as much as he wanted to. “But you have to stop parading around like you own the fucking school.”
“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry. Just, don’t tell anyone.” And then Tyler fuckboy Joseph was darting out of Josh’s room like a scared puppy with his tail tucked in between his legs. Josh smiled fondly.
Just wait until Brendon heard about this.