“Alfred! Alfred!” she cried pounding on my door with tears running down her face, “He said no again, what do I have to do to make him love me? I’ve tried everything, cooking, cleaning, buying gifts, declaring my love, wearing sexy clothing, what am I doing wrong?” I sign and open my door for her with a look of concern on my face; I wave her in and set her down on the couch.
“What flavor of ice-cream would you like, no let me guess maple walnut. If you want I just rented "10 Things I Hate About You" so we could watch that as we eat the ice-cream.” I said this as I walk into my kitchen to get the ice-cream.
When I return she is curled up on the couch, a blanket tucked snuggly around her and the opening credits of the movie playing. I hand her a huge bowl of ice-cream and she thanks me with a watery smile. I love her smile, her hair, her beauty, her intelligence, her spirit, and everything else about her, but I will never have her I am sure of that because as much as
I love her she loves her brother just as much
As the night progresses Natalia falls asleep on my couch so when the movie is over I carefully pick her up and move her to the room that she stays in whenever she spends the night (which is about twice a month) and lay her on the bed. Looking down at her all I can think is that she looks like a doll, a perfect untouchable doll that will never be mine. She cannot know what I feel for her because if she knew I know she would reject me and I would never see my perfect doll again. I tuck her in, kiss her forehead, whisper I love you, turn off the lights, and shut the door.
The next morning finds me sitting at my kitchen table with Natalia eating scrambled eggs and bacon, drinking coffee and listening to her tell me her newest plan to woo her brother. I smile and nod pretending to be listening but really I am thinking about what movie I am going to have ready for her to watch, if there will be enough ice-cream, and if I am stocked up on tissues for the next time she comes crying at my door at midnight because her brother does not love her like that. I know it is a destructive cycle but it cannot be broken until either Natalia finds someone else to chase after who is actually interested in her, or I confess to her, but neither is going to happen so I just grin and bear it. Hopefully someday she will be loved.