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turntechGodhead [TG] opened chatroom ALL MY EXES LIVE IN TEXAS.

TG: chatroom topic as follows
TG: happy birthday jade harley
TG: today you are thirteen
TG: holy shit thats old

tentacleTherapist [TT] joined chatroom.
TT: No older than you or I will be within a week, Dave.
TG: shh lalonde dont harsh my flow with irrelevancies
gardenGnostic [GG] joined chatroom.
GG: hi guys!!!!!!!!!!!
GG: wow this new chatroom function is awesome!
GG: we can finally all talk at once :)

TG: you need to get skype like two years ago
TG: not only does it do group calls dear god such advanced programming
TG: it also does video
TG: imagine that

TT: Are you that desperate for a glimpse of her nubile young beauty?
GG: well obviously rose!
GG: dont you know all the music he sends me is secretly love songs???

TG: gasp
TG: oh no my secret shame revealed
TG: harley how could you betray my trust this way dont you know lalonde will skullfuck me raw
TG: pick my psyche bare leave me a shambling zombie unable to say anything but
TG: penis repression freud
TG: penis repression freud
TG: penis repression freud

TT: Don't be so harsh. Surely I'd leave you the option of substituting Jung for Freud every other line.
GG: id rather he substituted boobs for penis sometimes
GG: i mean how am i supposed to have my wicked way with him if hes stuck only thinking about johns butt? ;)

TT: A fair point.
TT: I will endeavor to remember it when deconstructing his brain in order to present you with your very own birthday Davebot. <3

GG: awesome <3
GG: girl power for the win!!!

ectoBiologist [EB] joined chatroom.
EB: hey everyone! sorry i'm late, stuff happened. shenanigans were involved.
EB: happy birthday, jade!
EB: how does it feel to be thirteen?

GG: thank you john!!! <3
GG: it feels...
GG: .................
GG: ......................
GG: .................

TT: Oh for goodness sake.
GG: pretty much exactly like being twelve! lol
GG: only more awesome because this pesterchum upgrade means i get to talk to all you guys at once
GG: chatrooms are the best!!!

TG: whoa harley do you really want to go there
TG: the best
TG: thats a serious claim
TG: shit needs backing up whatve you got
TG: show me the money

GG: ???
TT: If you've decided to have an ironic crush on Tom Cruise to somehow mock John's idolization of Nicholas Cage, I may be forced to deny knowing you.
TG: fuck no lalonde hes evening you know that
TG: what you do you take me for
TG: only person id ignore moiety for is you
TG: our deathless passion would ignite the fiberoptic cables like a million broken hearts crying out in joy
TG: a miracle from on high descending to heal them and show them the kinky intramoiety truth of how we were meant to be
TG: obviously

EB: hahaha!
TT: ...
TT: I refuse to dignify that with a response.

GG: but you just did :)
EB: hahahahaha!
EB: man, i'm glad to talk to you guys. i wish you lived closer so we could visit someday.

GG: me too john! but i think well get to meet sooner than you expect
GG: maybe even on your birthday!!!

TG: yeah everybody party at egberts house
TG: but shh dont tell him
TG: its a surprise

EB: i am still here reading this, dave.
TG: no really what do you think i forgot in the whole thirty seconds since you last typed
TG: sorry doc got terrible retrograde amnesia
TG: wait what am i doing in this room and who the fuck are you get away from me with that straitjacket

TT: I believe anterograde amnesia would more accurately fit the symptoms you are imagining, since it affects the ability to form new memories rather than the ability to retain old ones.
TG: wow i feel so educated and shit
TG: but seriously party at egberts we should look into it
TG: could be cool no wait what am i saying cool is out of the question with the derp twins
TG: could be fun though

GG: hey!!! :(
TG: youre a derp embrace it harley
TT: Ignore him, Jade. He's being a jackass.
EB: yeah, what rose said. i think it would be very cool if you guys all came to visit.
EB: i'd really like to meet you, and i think my dad would like to meet your families. he worries about bad influences sometimes.
EB: bluh bluh bluh.

TT: In Dave's case, perhaps the worry is justified.
GG: lol!
TG: oh damn stabbed right through my heart
TG: i see how it is

EB: seriously guys, we should do this! it would be awesome.
EB: and who knows, maybe my dad might hit it off with rose's mom and dave's bro and then all we'd need is to track down some morning cousin of jade's and hey presto, marriage!

GG: um.........
TG: dude
TG: kinky

EB: what?
TG: i know you live in fantasy land but i was under the impression you were mr tightpants
TG: takes two mornings and two evenings to make a sedoretu
TG: even genders more optional than that

EB: yeah so?
TT: John, please reread your words and exercise a smidgeon of elementary logic.
EB: i still have no idea what you're all getting upset about. is it that weird that i think of you guys like family?
TG: oh sweet jesus double facepalming on a graham cracker
TG: youre morning egbert
TG: rose and i are evening
TG: do the math

EB: oh.
EB: oh!

TT: Light dawns. Be still my heart.
EB: no, no, it's not like that!
GG: then what did you mean???
EB: oh man, this is so embarrassing, but um. apparently my dad has a past?
TG: as in he used to rescue lost kittens on the sly
TG: gently tie pink ribbons around their necks and deliver them to loving homes
TG: never daring to let the truth be known lest his serious business image be shattered
TG: or as in "a past"

EB: as in he's morning too.
GG: um............
TG: welp
TT: That is certainly unexpected, though if pressed, I might surmise the hypothetical incident had some connection to the mysterious "prankster's gambit" you frequently reference.
EB: can we not talk about it, please?
GG: ok john no problem!
GG: what do you want to talk about instead?

EB: whatever you want, jade!
EB: it's your birthday, remember? you pick.

GG: oh no, responsibility! lol!! :D
GG: well i think even if your guardians dont get together we should still plan what to do when we finally meet
GG: because i cant wait to see you guys!
GG: i feel like john is right and we are already like family in a way
GG: and we will do amazing things together :)

TG: maybe youre right
TG: hey we even have two mornings and two evenings no need for long lost imaginary cousins
TG: i say we get married
TG: lalonde you buy the rings
TG: harley youre on flowers
TG: egbert youre in charge of food
TG: and ill bring the music well dance the night away
TG: best wedding ever

EB: um...
GG: it might have to be a very fast wedding but i am up for that!
GG: what kind of flowers do you guys like anyway?

TG: hey now hey now dont get carried away
TT: Jade, this is another cautionary example of Dave's irony and mouth running away from him.
GG: oh right, durr, we dont have any way to meet in person and you cant get married online
GG: i still think it would be fun though
GG: you guys are my best friends in the whole world
GG: i feel like we really fit together
GG: and i have lots and lots of flowers!!!
GG: we should figure out a way for you guys to visit me soon

EB: you're our best friend too, jade, and of course it would be fun to get to know each other and spend time together.
EB: i think we fit together too.
EB: but we're way too young to get married.

TG: yeah what he said
TT: John has likewise expressed the gist of my feelings.
GG: you have no sense of adventure!
GG: but all right you can all be weenies, i wont hold it against you ;)
GG: i will just remember to ask again when were older! <3

TG: you do that harley
TG: just remember shit better be epic
TG: i want fireworks and skywriting and the universe doing a celebratory tap dance at the beauty and rightness of us deigning to get together

TT: I completely deny ever knowing you, Strider.
TG: your loss
TG: youll be sorry when i marry john and jade and leave you out in the cold

EB: there will be no leaving anyone out in the cold.
EB: either all four of us get married or none of us do.
EB: in the hypothetical and very far off future, that is!

GG: yeah! it wouldn't be right without you, rose
GG: or without dave even if he is a jerkass ;)~
GG: we need you both!!!

EB: all for one and one for all!
TT: There is no conceivable chance that you're referencing the novel rather than one of the inevitably terrible film adaptations, is there?
TG: rhetorical questions dont deserve answers
TT: I suppose I can stand behind the sentiment either way.
EB: haha, victory!
TT: In any case, I must sign off. Mother has been preparing an elaborate French gourmet three course meal in response to a compliment I attempted to pay her when she made grilled cheese sandwiches last week.
TT: I shall have to make a point of loudly appreciating every flavor.

TG: man and you people say my familys weird
EB: that's because your family is weird!
EB: but rose's family is weird too. so is mine, and jade's is definitely out there!
EB: i guess weird is actually normal in a way, except probably more fun. hahaha!

TG: then we are gonna have the most shitkicking awesome funtime marriage in the history of creation
TG: because i dont know any people weirder than you three

TT: The sentiment is reciprocated, I assure you.
GG: well i am just glad we got to talk today and that we all agreed on our future!
GG: ill let you all go now i know its late where you live
GG: thanks for staying up to talk to me!
GG: good friends, best birthday!!!
GG: <3<3<3

gardenGnostic [GG] closed chatroom.