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Tricks and Treats

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“Spooky, scary skeletons
send shivers down your spine
Shrieking skulls will shock your soul
Seal your doom tonight”


“Spooky, scary skeletons
speak with such a screech
You'll shake and shudder in surprise
when you hear these zombies shriek”

No. He didn't. He didn't. Dan closed his eyes and tried to force himself back to sleep. Maybe when he woke up again this would all have been a dream and Phil wouldn’t have changed his alarm to that goddamn song. Halloween was a week away and he was already completely sick of it. He had Tumblr to thank for that. Tumblr and their tradition of starting Halloween in fucking September. It almost made him start to crave Christmas, and the festive spirit that came with it. If one more person asked if he was "feeling spooky yet" he would...he would...well he would get really annoyed.

His eyes snapped open as he realized the song wasn't going away anytime soon. He grabbed his phone and turned off the offending music. With a groan, he climbed out of his warm blanket burrito and padded to the doorway in search of the bathroom. Still bleary eyed and half asleep, he walked into something soft and slightly sticky.


No answer.


“Yes?” His boyfriend called up the stairs.

“Why the fuck is there a fake spider web over our bedroom doorway?”

"I decorated while you were asleep; don’t you like it?"

Dan didn't reply as he stormed down the stairs in search of Phil.

He discovered Phil in the kitchen, his back to Dan. Dan marched over and cleared his throat until
Phil turned around. Their height difference was especially pronounced as Dan glared down at Phil, who smiled innocently.

"Do you like it?" He asked, gesturing to the kitchen.

Dan looked around. Phil had placed pumpkins on the counters and ghost string lights above the stove. He has also printed out “spooky” images and taped them around the kitchen. Dan was about to compliment the decor when he noticed the mask.

“Really, Phil?”

“What? It adds character.”

“No, it does not. It’s weird.”

“It’s spooky.”

“It’s weird.”

“It’s staying.”

“Okay, fine, I admit the decorations are nice, except for that creepy as fuck mask. What’s for breakfast, Delia Smith?”

"I made pumpkin pancakes."

"Who eats pumpkin pancakes?"

"Today, we do."

Dan rolled his eyes.

"Come on Dan, aren't you feeling even a little bit spooky?"

"I hate you, do you know that?"

"No, you don't."

"Honestly why do I put up with this?"

"Because you love me, you big sap. Admit it."


Phil pretended to pout.

"Alright, alright, fine. I love you."

"Ha!" Phil shouted triumphantly, "you looooove me. you loooooove me.”

“Don’t push it, you spork.” Dan said, smiling fondly.

Phil grinned back.

“I’m going to warm up the pancakes, you slept later than I thought you would.”

“Well I’m going to take the piss that you interrupted with your damn spider web. I better not find any in the bathroom.”

He walked past Phil, brushing his fingers down his boyfriend's arm. Phil glanced at his head and held out a hand to stop him.

“Here, bear, let me get that.”

He gently pulled a bit of fluff from Dan’s curly morning hair.

“That better not be from the bloody spider web.”

“I can neither confirm, nor deny, that it is from the ‘bloody spider web’.”

Dan groaned as he left the room. While he was gone, Phil prepared their plates and carried them into the lounge. He was just setting them on the coffee table as Dan returned.

“So, what anime are we watching this morning?” Dan asked, sitting down on the couch and getting comfortable in his sofa crease. Phil handed him his pancakes and Dan nodded a thank you.

“I was thinking we could switch it up and watch Buffy.”

Dan rolled his eyes.

“You are such a fangirl.”

“Am not.”

“Phil, you used to have a Buffy shrine.”

“I was hoping you had forgotten about that.”

“Nope, that’s not something you can forget easily.”

“Actually, shut up.” Phil laughed as he shoved Dan playfully.

“Oi, plate full of pancakes here.”

“Shit, sorry.”

They ate in unusual silence. Dan was too engrossed in the episode to notice how strange Phil was acting. They both finished the same time the show ended and Dan placed his plate on the coffee table. He leaned back and rubbed his stomach.

“Those pancakes were delicious, but I’m so full I’m never eating again.”

Phil didn’t answer. Instead, he rested his empty plate on his lap and raked his fork through the leftover syrup, looking pensive. Dan turned to look at him.

“Something on your mind, babe?”

“I was thinking....maybe we could go trick or treating this year.”

Dan’s eyes widened in surprised as he choked out a laugh.

“I’m sorry?”

“It’ll be fun! We can dress up, get some candy...”

“No, Phil. We are grown men, we are too mature to go trick or treating.”

“Mature? Dan I watched you singing along to the Pokemon theme song in your pants yesterday morning,”

Dan blushed.

“That’s different. That’s in private.”

Phil decided to change his tactic.

“You know, I bet the houses are handing out Maltesers this year.”

“You know that’s not true, Phil.”

“It was worth a try.”

He stood up and reached for Dan’s plate, but Dan shook his head.

“Since you made breakfast, I’ll clean the kitchen.”

“Okay, come upstairs when you’re done, I have a surprise for you.”

Dan smiled and stacked their plates, walking towards the kitchen. Phil smirked mischievously at his retreating figure, and turned to walk upstairs.

In the kitchen, Dan made quick work of cleaning up. He opened the fridge to put the syrup away and jumped when he saw the Dalek mask Phil had placed it in there. Grumbling to himself, Dan finished his task. He took one final look around the room before declaring it clean enough. He made his way to the staircase, feeling apprehensive about Phil’s “surprise”.

Dan climbed the stairs and turned the corner, heading for Phil’s room. He barely made it to the doorway before...


Dan jumped as Phil leapt out at him, wearing the wolf mask and clawing at Dan.

"Jesus Christ, Phil! You're going to give me a heart attack!"

Dan heard Phil’s muffled laughter from inside the mask. He scrunched up his face and jabbed Phil’s chest with his pointer finger.

“That. was. not. okay.”

Phil removed the mask and grinned cheekily at Dan. Dan glared at him, poking him in the chest one last time to make a point.

“If I had died, I would have totally come back to haunt you.”

Phil responded by pulling a disgruntled Dan in for a kiss.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, love.”

Dan sighed and followed Phil into his room.

“Speaking of haunting, I got us these.” Phil pointed to the two ghost costumes laying on his bed. They were fairly plain, with cutouts for eyes and mouth, the word boo emblazoned on the front in large bubble letters.

“Are those?” Dan asked.

“Yup, just like Willow wore in that episode of Buffy.”

“And you really don’t think people will realize? We’re literally giants, Phil.”

“If anyone asks, we had a massive growth spurt.”

Dan opened his mouth to argue further until he noticed the hopeful look on Phil's face.
Goddammit, Phil really wanted this, and Dan hated letting his boyfriend down.

“Alright, as long as we don’t get turned into actual ghosts.”

“No promises,” Phil winked, “although you have to admit, that would be pretty cool.”

“Yeah, but with your luck, we would run into a child who got turned in an actual monster. We both know how that would end.”

“How would it?” Phil asked.

“With you getting mauled, obviously.”

Halloween night

Phil traipsed up the walkway to the first house, a noticeable bounce in his step. His costume billowed in the breeze, exposing his black skinny jeans underneath. Dan watched him with a smile, glad that Phil seemed to enjoy it.

“Dan, come ooon.” Phil whined.

“What, I actually have to go up there with you?”


Dan sighed and joined Phil on the doorstep.
Phil rang the doorbell, and squirmed a bit in anticipation. The door opened and a middle-aged man stared blankly at them.

“Trick or Treat!” They sang out in unison.
“Are you kidding me? How old are you two?”


“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Phil took a step back, and Dan could see the hurt in his eyes. The man took one last look at them, and shut the door, grumbling something about “goddamn man-children.”

The next three houses yielded the same results. They still hadn’t gotten any candy, and Dan was beginning to get annoyed on Phil’s behalf. Phil still tried to keep up his cheerful attitude, hoping somebody would find their antics amusing, and give them candy.

His happiness started to fade as he realized their ruse was fooling no one. People would take one look at them, shake their heads, and shut the door.

The seventh house broke Phil. After once again getting the door slammed in his face, he turned and walked back to Dan, shoulders slumped. Phil yanked his costume off and sat down on the curb with a thump. He sighed dejectedly. Dan stripped off his own costume and crouched in front of Phil.

“Maybe we should have taken Darcy with us. It would’ve made this less weird.”

“Shit,” Phil laughed quietly, “I didn’t even think of that.”

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Dan’s.

“I just thought it would be fun,” Phil frowned, “and I really wanted to feel like a kid again, if only for a night.”

Dan kissed a disappointed Phil on the cheeks.

“C’mon, love. I think the shops are still open. Let’s go get us some sweets, yeah?”

Phil nodded allowing himself to be pulled up off the curb. Dan handed him his costume and he giggled as he donned it once again.

“Shall we, Mr. Ghost?” Dan said, holding out his arm for Phil to hold.

“Yes, let’s, Mr. Ghost.”

Dan pulled his own costume over his head, and grabbed Phil’s hand, a difficult feat considering they were both wearing sheets. Moonlight cast a subtle glow over the two men as they walked down the street, sheet covered hand in sheet covered hand.