Namjoon hadn’t been sure if he was quite ready to ‘come out’ yet within his community, fearing that perhaps his masculine rapper image would shatter if social media discovered that he wasn’t as straight as everyone had thought. He wasn’t so much nervous for people to know that he was gay, and it wasn’t that he feared the association that came with his sexuality- No, it was that he didn’t want his efforts to be wiped away due to the public inadvertently seeing him as ‘The Gay Youtuber’ rather than ‘Rap Monster, the hip hop artist who has been trying to break into the industry since middle school’.
Seokjin was the one who’d suggested the video, smiling as he pointed out a number of comments on Namjoon’s previous vlog begging for him to share more of his life with the audience. “Look,” The older had rested his head on Namjoon’s shoulder, still scrolling through the comments. “Remember when Sam Smith came out to the public? He said that he wanted people to know who the record was about.” Seokjin had glanced up, catching the eye of his younger as he held his hand, not missing the way Namjoon’s grip tightened as he continued to talk. “People are more accepting these days, and I’m sure your subscribers would love to know the true meaning behind some of your songs.”
“Do you think I’ll be stereotyped?” The question hung in the air, an uncomfortable silence settling over the two men.
“You could be,” Finally Seokjin had answered, continuing to scroll through the comments once again. “But what does it matter? You know who you are, and you can break that mould.”
So here they were, sitting in front of a camera as Namjoon scrolled through the questions on his phone. He’d seen various other Youtubers make video’s such as this with their significant other, some being jokes, others not. It was Seokjin who set up the camera, the lighting, the one to clap so the audio and visuals could be synced. Namjoon was far too nervous, his hands shaking ever so slightly.
“Are we ready?” Namjoon nodded at his boyfriend’s question, not letting himself second guess the video. That’s all it was- a video. “Do the intro then, I’ll just sit here and be cute in the meantime.”
“Sure, you do that.” Still, the rapper smiled as he set his shoulders and looked into the camera, the blinking red light a signal that they were being filmed. “Hey guys! This is Rap Monster, and I know this isn’t one of my usual videos,”
As Namjoon spoke, voice projecting in the way he’d taught himself to better his on-stage presence, Seokjin took it upon himself to wave at the camera. If this was going to be on the internet forever, he wanted to be cute.
“The guy next to be is ‘Jin. So, just, say hello, I guess?” It was clear that Namjoon was out of practice when it came to vlogging, as he’d been engrossing himself within music recently, as for about a month straight he’d been producing videos which incorporated music in one way or another. It’d been a while since he’d been forced to just be him, is what Namjoon guessed was the problem- especially since this particular video was more him than he’d ever been.
“Hello, I guess.”
After the introduction of the tag, Namjoon took it upon himself to flind his arm around Seokjin’s neck, heaving a sigh. “Guys, I just want you to know that just because I have a boyfriend and not a girlfriend, I’m not a different person.”
With a peck to the younger’s cheek, Seokjin laughed, catching the brief glance his way at the affectionate gesture. “I will admit, you’ve been with me for a while now.”
“Yeah, so, just because I’m telling you guys now, it doesn’t mean that I’m any different. Being gay is part of me, but it isn’t me. I don’t let it define who I am, is what I’m trying to say, I guess. But anyway,” He held up his phone, Seokjin watching as he introduced the tag. “This is the boyfriend tag, and ‘Jin is, as you can guess, my boyfriend.”
With the introductions out of the way, Namjoon opened his phone and began to scroll, explaining to the camera that they were only going to answer the interesting questions. “He gets bored easily. Like a toddler, now that I think about it.” Seokjin explained, and Namjoon reminded himself to cut that part, mostly because he was right.
“Where did we meet?” The two grinned at each other, Namjoon’s arm still slung around Seokjins neck, a casual gesture to keep him close. “Well actually,”
“He stole my doughnuts.” Seokjin faced the camera, expression stony as he ignored Namjoon’s protests.
“I did not! ‘Jin! I didn’t steal your doughnuts!” A hand slapped over Namjoon’s mouth and Seokjin moved closer to the camera, wanting to be heard.
“Okay, so I was just minding my own business in Seoul, and I thought ‘Oh, hey, I want some doughnuts!’ and there was a little side-street doughnut place and I thought that was perfect to satisfy my cravings. So I ordered my doughnuts,”
“I didn’t steal your doughnuts.”
“So I ordered my doughnuts, and when they called my name, this man just sauntered up to the register, paid, and took my food!” Seokjin sent a pointed stare to Namjoon, who held his hands up in surrender.
“In my defence, I didn’t steal your doughnuts- I didn’t! - because I was the one who paid for them.” They both continued to stare at each other, the light hearted argument allowing confident smirks to settle on both men’s lips. “The point is,” Namjoon turned to the camera, still smug, “We met in Seoul on the street. Next question.”
The two continued through the questions, Namjoon’s earlier tension easing away the more he and Seokjin joked around. It was nice, almost as if they weren’t being recorded, and Namjoon had to catch himself a few times, refraining from touching Seokjin in certain ways or saying certain things. Seokjin wasn’t making it easy, though, often touching Namjoon’s thigh or playing with his hair. Ever since the rapper had dyed it back to a caramel shade, Seokjin’s hands seem to find their way to the top of his head more often than they ever did in the past, and Namjoon couldn’t find it within himself to complain. He always did like having his hair pulled, after all.
“What was the first thing you noticed about me?” Seokjin’s hand paused in the youngers hair, eyes hovering Namjoon’s phone as he lowered the device. “Well I can safely say that I noticed how broad your shoulders are. I don’t know, you just seemed really ‘manly’ and tough at the time.”
“’At the time?’” Lowering his hand, Seokjin scoffed and sat back, hands resting on the floor behind him as he leant back. It was Namjoon who’d suggested sitting on the floor, and by now, all Seokjin wanted to do was lay down to take the pressure off his back. Preferably with Namjoon in his arms, but maybe the weather was a degree too hot for that. “Are you trying to tell me that I’m not manly?”
“It’s not that you’re not manly,” There was a pause, and for a second, Namjoon’s filter stopped working, and he found himself vocalising his thoughts. “It’s just hard to forget the image of you with your face shoved into the pillow begging ‘Daddy! Daddy! Harder Daddy, harder’.” The two fell silent for a moment, with Seokjin’s jaw falling agape while Namjoon continued to stare straight into the camera lens, trying to figure out if he’d really just said what he’d heard.
“What did you just-“ Cutting Seokjin off, the younger continued to scroll through the questions, trying to hide the flush that was rising up his neck. Earlier he’d coward at the thought at even mentioning his homosexuality, now here he was, vaguely describing their sex life.
“I’ll cut that out, don’t worry. We’ll just move on to the next question.”
“Nice job sharing your kinks with the internet, ‘Joonie.” Truthfully Seokjin wasn’t that angry, as long as Namjoon kept his word and cut out the segment, he’d be more than willing to tease back. However, it ran the chance of scaring the younger away- the fear of the camera capturing their flirting too great. Namjoon was, after all, a surprisingly conservative guy in public.
“What is something you do that I wish you wouldn’t?” Attention back to the camera, Namjoon mouthed something Seokjin missed before glancing back to his boyfriend, a smirk playing on his lips. The both knew what the answer was, as it was a constant spark of arguments. “You’re gonna get this right.”
“You wish I wouldn’t go to the gym as much as I do.” With an accusatory point of the finger, Namjoon began to complain, voice louder than before as he tried to hold back his laughs.
“Three times a day! Three times a damn day for two hours!”
“That’s an exaggeration.” The older tried to defend himself, also struggling to withhold his laughter. “It’s more like an hour each time.”
“How long were you gone for this morning?” Seokjin’s hands once again found Namjoon’s mouth, ceasing his complaining.
“Okay, look, it takes effort to be as pretty as me, and don’t act as if you’re not reaping the rewards of my workouts.” The younger couldn’t fight back against his boyfriends hand, trying to push him off and free himself. “What do you do that I wish you wouldn’t, then?”
“Easy,” With his mouth uncovered, the two found themselves tangled within each other, legs draped over their counterparts with Namjoon’s arm wrapped ‘Jin’s waist; it was comfortable, and neither wanted to separate. “You wish I wouldn’t spend all day in the studio.”
With a nod, Seokjin confirmed that Namjoon was, indeed, correct. “You and Yoongi never eat when you’re in there, and you’re gonna get sick one day which will end up with you complaining because you can’t make music and I’ll have to take care of you and listen to your whining.”
“But if I’m sick then you get to see me every day.” Resting his head on Namjoon’s shoulders, Seokjin grinned, his features lighting up and causing something warm to swell in the younger’s chest.
“There will be plenty of time for us to see each other when we’re married. For now, just stay healthy enough to survive until then.” Being together for two years, of course the two had discussed it, but it was never the forefront of conversation. Now, with the camera rolling and Seokjin close enough that Namjoon could smell the lingering strawberry of his partners shampoo, he felt that it was a reality.
“I’d like that.” Whether or not the camera picked up on his voice didn’t matter, and within a matter of seconds, the two found their lips pressed together. It was nothing breathtaking, only a soft touch and a quiet hum of appreciation resulted from the gesture, Namjoon’s thumb caressing Seokjin’s cheek.
“I would, too.”
The tag was finished without further mistakes, and Namjoon felt himself anticipating the editing process. Usually, when it was just him in the video, the rapper would grow bored easily and would sometimes become sloppy. However, at least for this upload, he’d be able to concentrate on Seokjin. Maybe it was for this reason that Namjoon found himself stretching back on his chair, the percentage bar for the rendering process ticking up as the minutes passed.
“You’re done already?” Seokjin sat up in bed, the sheet falling from his bare chest, and Namjoon couldn’t help but stare. He really was reaping the rewards for ‘Jin’s gym obsession, after all. “Doesn’t editing normally take all night?”
“Vlog’s are easier. Besides, the video was fun, so I didn’t get bored.” Sliding into bed, the two tucked themselves into each other, Namjoon’s forehead resting against the bare skin of Seokjin’s chest, legs tangled and fingers entwined. The position was uncomfortable, and Namjoon realised he couldn’t feel his leg anymore due to the lack of circulation. Still, they didn’t move, the silence wrapping around them, the quiet adoration being heard loud and clear. It was moments like these that made Namjoon wish he didn’t have to pull back his hand in public, fearing that someone influential would see him- ruin him.
“Stop worrying,” The silence was interrupted by Seokjin, who pressed his lips to the top of his boyfriends head, remaining as he spoke, eyes closed as he began to drift off to sleep. University had been stealing precious moments of rest from him recently, but he would stay up as late as needed if Namjoon needed him to. “Tomorrow everyone will know, and whether or not they support you is beyond your control. You made it to where you are today by fighting through the negativity and you can continue to do that if need be.”
“Do you think my music won’t be taken seriously anymore?” There was more silence, the sound of Seokjin’s heartbeat calming Namjoon, his worries easing as he felt his eyelids grow heavy.
“I don’t know, ‘Joonie.”
“At least you’re honest.”
It was a few days later when Namjoon heard Seokjin shout, his head rising from his phone as the older man strode into the room, laptop in hand. Namjoon only needed a flash of the computer screen to know what had Seokjin riled up, and he readied his excuse.
“You kept in the ‘Daddy’ segment!” Namjoon leaned forward, a smiling tugging at the corners of his lips.
“You said you’d cut that part!” They both stared long and hard at each other, and Namjoon trying to fight his grin as he waited for Seokjin to calm before he gave his excuse.
Truthfully, he’d been nervous to leave it in, but after re-watching the clip, he decided that not only was the segment funny- but the look that washed over his partners face was cute, so could he really be blamed for wanting to immortalise it through social media? In the end, as it turned out, the fans were more supportive of him than before, with that portion of the video being expressed as a favourite scene of many.
“I left it in because it was funny. Isn’t it funny?” Seokjin remained silent, his pointed stare burning a hole through the younger. “I mean, I thought it was funny…”