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Rhetorical Questions

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Title: Rhetorical Questions
Characters/Pairing/Whatnot: Tim / Steph / Kon
Rating: R. Probably on the light side of, but still.
Summary: Tim tries to settle a dispute.


"What is with you two, anyway?" Tim folded his arms, which always felt strange without his cape, and began a silent countdown. Steph and Kon, who had been glaring at each other, instantly began jabbering at him, pointing and gesturing and generally acting like manic idiots, and it was not easy to keep his smile off his face.

"She's a wanna-be!" "He's a jerk!" "Really rude, even for a Bat." "Really pushy, even for a meta!"

Five, four....

"And she's way too hot in your uniform." "It's not fair that such a big dumb oaf is so pretty."

...three, two...

"What?" They exchanged identical stunned looks., touchdown. The thud sounded painful, but they were kissing too intensely to notice. Folding his arms more tightly, Tim allowed himself an appreciative smirk at the way Steph's back curved beneath the press of Kon's arm, the way her pale fingers clutched his fuzzy-haired scalp, the way her hair fell between his fingers, and, yes, the way they locked lips, Kon just barely gentle enough and Steph not gentle at all. Tim had kissed both of them, and it was a little bit like kissing both at once to watch them together.

Eventually, of course, even teenage superheroes need to breathe. Steph and Kon stared at each other, blinking dazedly; Tim noted how swollen Steph's lower lip was already and let his smirk broaden. That, unfortunately, was a tactical error, as it drew them both to look at him, eyes narrowing as if he were a bad guy. It was disturbingly thrilling. "You're really smug, you know," said Steph, tilting her head like a hunting cat. "Way too smug," Kon agreed, flexing his broad hands.

"Uh---" Tim's hands were only halfway up in front of him when they pounced, simultaneously grabbing his arms as they knocked him onto the bed. "Oof." He couldn't tell which one hit him harder, and when they both kissed him, either side of his mouth, he couldn't catch his breath. Way to take charge, Tim thought sarcastically at himself as he gasped like a landed fish, suddenly and painfully so turned on his body was tingling as if with electric shock. The point had been to get them to---

He was too breathless even to gasp when Steph and Kon, jostling each other for his mouth, banged noses and drew back to exchange a sizzling glare, glowing pink spots high on both their cheeks. Glancing up to check Kon's eyes for a warning red glint, Tim saw them fall closed as Kon and Steph traded another of those fierce, weirdly hot kisses. Nimble hands were already unzipping Tim's jeans and wide warm ones slid up beneath his shirt, and as higher brain functions began shutting down beneath the load of sensation Tim wondered with an irrational flare of glee at how being a battleground could feel so good.


Fairly soon afterwards the sweaty, gasping heap of them resolved into some sort of cuddle with Tim in the middle, submerged in arms and legs. Pulse decelerating, mind still a little fuzzed around the edges, Tim reflected that it ought to feel weird, really. Kon and Steph lay sacked out more atop him than beside him, Steph's pulse beating against Tim's shoulder, little flickers of Kon's aura brushing over their cooling skin and occasionally ruffling up locks of their hair. The bed was going to smell of them both for days, like Kon and sunshine, Steph and earthiness. It shouldn't feel comfortable at all.

But it did. Tim wriggled a crick out of his back and sank a little deeper into coziness; when Kon stirred in response both his arm and the TK hold tightened a bit, and Tim noticed Kon's aura tightening on Steph, too, shifting her just that bit closer. "I always knew you had a thing for Bats, Kon," Tim murmured; Steph grinned against his ear, and Kon huffed indignantly into his hair. "As if! I can't stand you people! You're all huge pains in the ass!"

"Didn't we use enough lube?" Steph asked sweetly. Kon pretended to swat at her arm where it lay over Tim's chest. "Don't make me pull out the batarangs," she threatened drowsily.

"Don't make me TK you out of bed," Kon retorted, draping his arm across Tim's chest just below Steph's. Tim thought of ways to escape the pin, and basked in the warmth, and asked, "What about Batgirl?"

"Batgirl?" Kon's thumb, pleasantly rough, stroked a little patch of Tim's breastbone. "Yeah, she's cool, and she kicks serious butt. But the rest of you winged fuzzies are royal pains. Especially the Robins."

Tim snorted. Steph laughed, warm breath on Tim's face. Kon sighed long-sufferingly, his index finger curling over Steph's wrist. Tim felt a ripple of tension through her as her arm stiffened for a moment, then just as quickly relaxed again; he smiled, and thought about getting up, and closed his eyes.